soft girl summer: community, connection + softness [finding your people]

hello, hello, + welcome  to soft girl self-love summer. 🤍 it's july, we're officially in quarter three, and this month's theme is community, connection, and softness.

this episode is your invitation to slow down and lean into the season- friendship, relaxation, doing things just because they're fun. we talk about why softness is not a weakness (and how you can be strong, independent and soft, connected, supported- it was never either/or), plus the real reason so many of us feel disconnected lately, and why it might not mean what you think it does.

i'm also getting honest about my own friendship season- including a loss that taught me a lot and how real community actually gets built: through proximity, consistency, and being brave enough to make the first move. you don't need a huge circle or to change who you are. you just need to find your real people.
so consider this your nudge: put your phone down, say yes to the invite, be the first one to plan something. this is your soft girl summer. 🌸

📖 our july self love book club read is Finding Your People by Alexandra and Sally of Two Broke Chicks:  grab it here
and read along with us free on the fable app

🎧 new episodes every Sunday at 12PM EST. next week: a special guest episode with author Philippa Found (It's Complicated).

i love you, and this soft new version of you, to the moon and back. 🌸

connect with julia on instagram @beautybyjulia + tik tok @juliasalvia

unlock more archive content on instagram @theselflovearchive + tik tok @theselflovearchives

sign up for the self-love archives newsletter: www.theselflovearchives.com

Transcript

0:00

Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to quarter three. It is July, and it's officially soft girl summer. Soft girl self-love summer. We're in the thick of it. It is a week, maybe a couple days, past the solstice, and I am so excited to welcome you officially to the summer season. If you are new here, we theme every single month of the year, and this month's theme is community, connection, and softness. We're leaning into summer with this vibe of friendship, of doing things for the sake of it being fun, of relaxation, going on vacation. It's not that we're done with the strong, independent version of ourselves, it's that we can be a strong, independent version of ourselves while also still building the right community around us that support us, while also still connecting with the community around us, and even more people around us, by also being soft. We don't have to be one or the other. We don't have to be strong, independent or soft. We can be both. We don't have to be independent or connected. We can have both. We can be both. So let's start setting the tone for quarter three with our theme for July. Welcome back to the Self Love Archives podcast. I'm your host, Julia Salvia, also known as your self-love bestie. And welcome once again to summer. It is summer. Summer, summer, summer, summer. I'm personally, personally, I'm kind of excited for summer because, listen, I don't know what happened the first two quarters of the year, but I got sick a total of, like, six times, and that is… If we wanna break that down month by month, even though, though M- May was just, like, the worst of it, that's like being sick every single month. What is going on? Okay, what is going on? I did travel a lot in the beginning of the year, like Costa Rica, London, North Carolina, Nashville. Like, I went a lot of places, and honestly, every time I came home, I was sick. What is in the air? I don't know, but I do not want it anymore, and I'm going into summer in full routine and relaxation mode because I refuse to get sick again, okay? That's just me. Soon, you will see the vision board for quarter three behind me. We still have the spring vision board up because I am filming this at the very tail end of June, and I'm getting ready to sit my little butt down and design the vision board. It takes me, like, a whole entire day, but it is the best entire day because I don't know what it is about these vision boards, but they really just set the tone for the entire quarter. Give me the vision. Give me the vibes. As we talked about in January, vision, value, and vibes for every single month of 2026. So I'm really excited to do that later on this week. It's a soft self-love girl summer. Beachy, glowy, bright, colorful. Like, it's, mm, it's gonna be so good. So I wanna talk about the theme for July. A little bit deeper and kind of where this came from. Well, first of all, our book for Self Love Book Club for July is called Finding Your People. It's by Alexandra and Sally, who are the hosts of Two Broke Chicks podcast. I am really excited to continue and finish reading this book. I think it is full, chock-full of so many amazing things. And this month actually has so many amazing podcasts in it that are coming up. We have a podcast all about friendship. We'll have a podcast all about that book. And next week, we're actually gonna be talking to author Philippa Found, who wrote the book It's Complicated, which is a compilation of real stories, real things that have happened to people in their relationships, whether it's with their, their ex, their, the person that they're dating, their romantic partner, their friends, their family. It's gonna be such a good episode, so stay tuned for that. But in my own personal life, it's interesting that this theme came about during this time because if you didn't know, we actually put together, my assistant and I, the themes for the year, like, in January. We figured that out. There's a whole episode on it, actually, if you wanna know what all the themes are before we really talk about them in depth. That episode is, I think, the first or second episode of January. Um, so you can get the 411 on, on all the months of the year. And we take a look at a couple of things. We take a look at the astrology. We take a look at what generally is happening in that month, whether it's, like, a holiday or, um, for us, kind of like the mind space that we're going to be in, or just really, like, looking at trends and looking at the vibes of this year. Like- I don't know how we did it but, like, they just, all of the themes make sense. And every time we come to the first episode of, of the month and I talk to you guys about it, I'm like, "How does this align?" Like, there's no way that I could have predicted that this would align with me as well as it does, but it does, and I'm not gonna fight it. So personally, we're gonna get a little, a little personal here. Personally, personally, um, I've been struggling in the friendship area. Ooh, that kinda got me emotional saying that, but it's, but it's true. It's true. I really have. And there was an interesting journal prompt that I came across today that I responded to, and it was, um, something like, something about friendship and that how, how are you, like, disconnected from friendship right now and how can you work on that or how do you want that… Like, how do you want, what do you want friendship to look like? And I recently lost my best friend, and that was definitely just a weird… It was hard, it was sad, but I think that it was just this very slow loss, and then all of a sudden she kind of ghosted me. So to go from being best friends to strangers was just really, like, I was this girl's maid of honor. I was her maid of honor I was the one who helped her, her now husband plan their entire engagement, and now we're not friends. And it was the biggest, like, slap in the face. Um, and to say that I didn't see it coming is honestly a lie. Like, I, I saw it coming. It just… When the validation that she didn't, you know, wish me a happy birthday, like, came through, or a merry Christmas or anything like that, like, it just, it really did feel like a, a confirmation, a validation that, yeah, this friendship is, is over. They do say that friends are here for, what is it? Temporary, a lifetime, to help you through something. And I'm still in the phase of, like, understanding why this hap- well, not the why this happened in the friendship, but what the value or importance of this friendship was for me, and what I'm taking away from it. In addition to this going on in my life, we as a brand have also been focusing on our community events. We have our Self Love Book Club, our Self Love Walk Club, and we are now diving a little bit more into just general events. We had a sound bowl last week, and we are gonna be continuing to have a lot of events in the Jersey area if you are, if you are here, or if you want to. If you want to come here. We keep all of that information on the website, theselflovearchives.com/events. But something that I… something that I'm feeling lately is I'm feeling so, personally, I'm feeling so disconnected, and I'm trying to figure out is it a me thing or is it an us thing? Is it… Where, where am, where and why am I feeling so disconnected? And I think I'm kind of finally figuring out that answer. I'm feeling so disconnected right now, not because I'm actually disconnected. I'm feeling disconnected because I'm changing and becoming into the person that I actually am, that I truly, truly am. And that can be an, a really interesting process of change, like coming to understand your values and the things that you want in life. Like the other week I was very genuine and honest about the fact that I am terrified of becoming Just a mother and a wife, because I know that I am so much more than that. But there are some people out there that that's, that's their dream. That's all they wanna be is a mother and a wife, and that's totally okay. But for me, that's terrifying. That's terrifying. I think that we all, whether we are or want, or want to become a mother and a wife, I think that we all are more than just that. But I think that there are still some rhetorics in society, in the patriarchy, that believe that women should just be mothers and wives. And I am not just some, like, a mother and a wife. Like, I am creative. I am successful. I am brave. I am, I am me. I am loving, and I am a business owner. I am a daughter. Like, I am so much more than those things. So I think that coming into this even more truer version of me has left me feeling a little disconnected, not from the world per se, because I know that I will always find my people. Like, you will always find your people, right? It's feeling disconnected from the version of me that came before, and I think that is so important to note the difference between. Okay, so let's talk about community connection and softness, starting with softness. Softness, point blank, softness is not a weakness. We're kind of comparing, like, the strong, independent woman to a soft woman. Like, you can be both, okay? You don't have to be one or the other. You can be both. We are complex human beings. It is not black and white, and whoever says that it's black and white, you need to be this or that, they're lying, okay? They're lying. Or not only are they lying, they're boring. How boring is it to be black and white? No. We are very colorful human beings. Like, you know how butterflies… I don't know if you know this, but butterflies can see, like, I don't even know, a million colors or something like that. We are that. We are that. That would really fuck with my head if I could see a million colors. I already am crazy about, no, that is not green, that is chartreuse. No, that is not light blue, that is cerulean. No, that is, uh, not hot pink, that is magenta. That is cranberry, that is baby pink, that's light pink, and that is true pink. There's a difference. There is a difference. I think that we're taught that softness equals weakness and that hustle equals worth. Finding our own softness allows us to rest, allows us to receive, allows us to feel, and allows us to slow down. And we need to have the balance between that softness and, I guess, for lack of a better term, that hardness when, you know, we're in go, go, go mode, and we are ready to take on the world. We also need to rest. We also need to slow down sometimes, and we can have both. And I think that that is what we are going to be going into the… this beginning of the summer, and I think that that is the vibe of what the summer is going to give us. It's going to give us this opportunity to slow down, to rest more, and to find that softness within us, while also still hustling, while also still working towards our goals and the things that we want. Connection and community kinda go hand in hand. So we are literally, as human beings, wired for connection. We are meant to have relationships with other people. We are meant to have a community. That is how we grow. That is how we help each other. We are not like lone wolves existing on our own, and whoever says, "I don't need nobody," liar. You a liar. We have made it so convenient nowadays to optimize our life without the help of anyone else. Like, I mean, AI, for example. You could, if you really wanted to, I do not suggest, you could utilize AI to be all of the people in your life. But then you're missing out. Like, you're missing out on the human connection. You're missing out on touch. You're missing out on the realness of it all. We also are in this place of, like, still being disconnected from the world after COVID, COVID era, as I like call it. Like, we are still canceling plans. We are still staying home all the time. We are still choosing comfort over maybe that one scary little moment of meeting a new friend for coffee Why, why are we so scared to connect with other people? And I'm not saying this is fully your fault, because I can so see how this is society's expectations, societal standards, patriarchy. Like, I can see how this is well beyond, you know, other people's fault other than our own. But don't you crave connection? Don't you crave to be vulnerable, and seen, and understood by another human being? The only way that you're going to actually get there, though, is by actually connecting with another human being. And it doesn't have to be like,"Oh, I'm going to hang out with this person for, like, three days on end, and they're gonna be stuck to my hip this whole time." No, you can just go for coffee for, like, an hour. That's human connection. You can say hello to the person at the r- at the register checking you out when you do decide to go grocery shopping and not order through DoorDash. You can say, "Hello. Hi, how are you?" You can tell a stranger on the street that, that they're beautiful. Someone told me that my makeup looked good the other day at the grocery store. Ah, an angel. An angel. I was like, "Me? My makeup? Thank you." Like, thank you, truly. I'm telling you, when you open up your heart to connect with someone with the intention that it's going to be a positive interaction and not a negative interaction, let me tell you, there's just something that, like, comes alive in you, even if it's just saying hello to someone on the street. I hope that you can look at this, especially when it comes to talking to strangers or meeting a new friend or, um, asking someone to go get a coffee with you or something like… Some- something small, right? Or, or just connecting with an old friend, or deciding to make a date for you and your sister, or you and your bestie, or, um, you and your boyfriend, whatever. I hope that you have the courage and the know-how to understand that there is the, "What if this goes well?", not the, "What if this goes wrong?" I hope that you think first, "What if this goes right?" And look, if it goes wrong, fuck 'em. Tr- point blank, fuck 'em. Okay? Give it a, give it a nice little chuckle and move on. You know that you entered that connection, that potential moment of connection with a good heart, with a kind heart. And if they don't wanna respond to it, you're weird. You are weird. So who actually knows you? Who actually sees you? And if you don't have an answer to those questions, connect with someone Talk to someone. Compliment someone. I'm giving you that. I'm giving you that task today. Go compliment a random stranger, please. It'll make you feel good. To that same point of asking someone to hang out or talking to someone first, being the, the brave one to say hello first, community is everything. But community just doesn't appear. It's built. It comes from proximity. It comes from consistency. It comes from being the first person to be brave enough to say hello first. This is exactly why when I built the Self Love Archives, I wanted there to be community events. I wanted there to be a way to create a space of connection and consistent connection in order to build community. That's what we do on our Self Love Walks. That's what we do at the Self Love Book Club. That's what we do at our Self Love events. Bloom, for example. The podcast, for example. Like, I encourage you to comment back to someone on any of our posts. If someone comments something and you agree, be the first person to reach out and say hello or just comment your name below. Say your name. Say a little something about yourself. My favorite is always saying what your favorite ice cream is. And open up the floor, open up the opportunity for someone else to connect with you. If there's anything that I know that can be kind of difficult, especially as adults, it's making friends. It's creating that community. It's connecting before even building on the community. Something for me that I always find is I love going to the gym. I love moving my body. And the best way for me to actually find my community and connect with those people outside of the events that I create for the Self Love Archives is I go to the gym consistently. I go to a low impact gym, I kid you not, probably at minimum at this point, six out of seven days of the week. And I know so many people's names. I have connected with so many of the girls that go there, and that right there is a community. That's because I say hello. That's because I have reached out. That's because I have followed them on Instagram. That's because I talk to them and they talk to me. Like, it becomes community because of the consistency of showing up. We both show up here consistently, and one or both of us is brave enough to make the first move essentially, and we have now connected. And we continuously, by showing up- build on that connection in order to create the community. Again, it's literally why I created a, a space for events in the first place. It creates that proximity, it creates that consistency, and it creates the space for you to feel comfortable enough to say hello to someone else that is a part of the Self Love Collective. It is literally a place to belong. You don't need this huge circle. You don't need to change who you are to fit in. You just need to find the right, the real people. So this episode is your invitation to soft girl summer, connection, community, softness, all the above. Put your phone down. Invite someone to go out with you. Invite someone to go to the beach with you, to go to the lake with you. I don't know where you live in the world. I don't know what body of water is near. But if it's a pool, if it's a lake, if it's a river, if it's the ocean, if it's the beach, whatever it is, invite a friend to come with you. Invite someone who you haven't talked to in a while to come with you. Soft girl summer. I want you to say yes to the invite, not if it's gonna make you feel overwhelmed, and not welcomed, or like you're being too much. Like, I want you to say yes to the invite because you might be a little scared, but you're excited. You're excited for the opportunity to make new friends and to connect with people. I want you to be the first one to plan something. Be the courageous one. Be the brave one. Be the one that stands up and says, "Let's go. Let's do this." If you need to, if it makes you feel more comfortable to be like, "Is it weird to ask you for your number? Is it weird to hang out?" Like, do you wanna go get margaritas? Because I love a margarita. And if you don't love, love a margarita, then get your dirty martini. I'll get my margarita, you get your dirty martini, she'll get her espresso martini, and it'll be a soft girl summer. I'm going to leave you with a couple of journal prompt questions, as we always do, for the beginning of the month. Are you ready? So we have, where in my life am I being hard when I could be soft? And what would it feel like to let myself receive instead of always holding it together? Journal prompt number two. Who in my life truly knows me? And when was the last time I felt fully seen? If the list feels short, who is one person I would love to get closer with? And finally, journal prompt number three. What's one way I could go first this month? The text, the invite, the I miss you, instead of waiting to be reached for. I love you a million times over and this new soft version of you for quarter three, and I cannot wait to see you for our episode with Philippa Found, author of It's Complicated, next week, same time, Sunday, 12:00 Eastern. I hope you have the best week ever. Bye.