Destined to Fail: A Memoir of Resilience

What if you were left alone in a foreign land at the age of 17 with only $450 and did not speak the language. Join me, Deborah Bigda, as we embark on an inspiring journey of resilience with Anas Afana, the man who lived this very experience. Born to a Jordanian diplomat and abandoned in America, Anas must suddenly fend for himself and is forced to grow up fast.

After graduating college, Anas goes on to establish a successful business, and continues to assimilate and thrive in the US. Then, suddenly, he loses his wife and his home, and is tasked with rescuing his business from bankruptcy. Though the next several years are a personal hell,  Anas’s resistance to failure leads him to emerge as a better person. The story of a life rebuilt many times over, hear from Anas first hand how he goes from his loneliest night ever to restored hope.

Anas answers all his messages personally on his IG page, so message him directly to let him know how his story has impacted you.

Follow Anas Afana on IG at www.instagram.com/destined.to.fail.book

Order his book Destined to Fail: A Memoir of Resilience on Amazon at: https://a.co/d/33aDJ7X

Download your free workbook on the 5 Pillars to Your Overall Well-being.  Click link  https://deborahbigda.com/downloadable-5-pillars-to-well-being 


Please comment on the episodes or connect with me and let me know how this episode has touched your life.

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Transcript

Speaker 1 0:00

And he handed me $450 cash and he says you're on your own if you make it great , if you don't , you're destined to fail anyway . I watched that car disappear into the horizon and I just didn't know what to do . I just stood there To this day . That's the loneliest night of my life .

Speaker 2 0:21

I'm Deborah Big Day , and this is the Restoring Hope podcast , where you can come to discover that , no matter how bleak your situation may seem , you can experience true hope and ultimate health . And I'm not referring to just your physical health . I'm talking about a holistic approach to your health , including your mental , emotional , spiritual and financial health . Join me as I share inspiring stories , incredible guests and tangible actions that will transform you into the healthiest version of you , that version of you that is fully restored and helpful for all that is possible . Welcome everybody . I am so excited today to bring to you live from Jordan , anas Afana . I met Anas back in let's see . It was in Denver , colorado .

Speaker 1 1:14

It was in Denver , correct .

Speaker 2 1:17

He had Denver at a film powered event where he was talking about a book that he wrote , Destined to Fail , a Story of Resilience , and I really enjoyed being able to not only just hear him speak but actually get the opportunity to talk to him in person in between the other speakers and just really kind of get to know him , and I love hearing people's stories because I think we can all learn from their experiences . So I'm going to just give you a little bit about him . He is a son of a Jordanian . Did I say that right ?

Speaker 1 1:53

Yeah , jordanian , jordanian , jordanian diplomat . Yep .

Speaker 2 1:57

Diplomat growing up in Sudan in the 1980s , and hours after his last high school exam , anas' father announced that they were going to leave for America the next day , but what he did not know is that his father was going to return back to Jordan without him , leaving him in America at a rural college speaking little to no English . And so it's my pleasure and honor to introduce to you Anas , and I want to let you tell us a little bit about your story and the book , and I know there's going to be parts that you won't tell us , because people have to get the book to read , to hear everything . Just give us a little history about , a little bit about what caused you to write the book or why you got left in America , or whatever it is that you would like to tell us .

Speaker 1 2:51

OK , well , thank you for having me first and foremost . It's really an honor . I remember meeting you and speaking with you at the Empower event , and that was a lot of fun for me personally . I was the only male there .

Speaker 2 3:08

I think it was you , maybe there was one other gentleman Maybe . A lot of women .

Speaker 1 3:13

Yes , maybe there was another person . You're right , and so it's the reason we wrote the book . I want to start off with that and then I'm going to back up a little bit and we'll tell you from the beginning . But none of it was my idea . I never wanted to tell us all anything , and that's why in the book , the very first sentence is I never told my friends about anything . Goes on from there .

Speaker 1 3:48

I just the way everything happened everything that went down in 1993 , was against my will . I never wanted to move to the States , I never wanted to leave Jordan , but my father had plans for me , which you introduced me as the son of a diplomat . He was the Jordanian ambassador , so he reached the highest level as far as the Foreign Affairs goal , and so what my father said is what happened without any discussion . It's just , that's the type of person that he was . You don't reach those levels because you're a pushover or anything like that . You have to be solid , and he's old school , and so I was not the best student . We'll just say that . So him and I really never got along , because my other siblings are all a students and I was the athlete .

Speaker 1 4:54

And so at age 16 , I made a professional soccer club here in Jordan and all I had to do was finish high school . And all I had to do was finish high school and then go play , basically . So I finished high school and I got home and he told me to pack my bags , which is I had no knowledge of any of his plans . So I turned 17 two weeks before that . So when I finished high school , I turned 17 at the very end of it , where all my friends were turning 19 .

Speaker 1 5:27

So I was way younger than everybody else . So , yeah , we got on a plane the next morning and ended up in the States and I'll just say that all of his plans that he had for me basically failed and we ended up in Cedar Rapids , iowa . He paid .

Speaker 2 5:49

Never even heard of that town .

Speaker 1 5:52

I've never even heard of the state I mean again in the Middle East at that time . You know home alone or talking about . You know big movies and rainbow . I knew Rocky . I knew Philadelphia , of course , los Angeles , new York . I have never heard the word Iowa before . I didn't know what that was on the plane to the States . I remember asking him where is that ? And he said well , the nearest thing and the nearest big town is Chicago . So I thought it was near Chicago .

Speaker 2 6:21

Okay , yeah .

Speaker 1 6:22

That's all I knew about where I was , you know going , and so I ended up in Cedar Rapids , Iowa . He pays for one semester of ESL , which is English , as a second language , because I didn't speak any English Again . I turned 17 two weeks before that and the day that they dropped me off at the dorms was two days before college started and he handed me $450 cash and he says you're on your own if you make it great . If you don't , you're destined to fail anyway . And they turn around on the left .

Speaker 2 6:58

I just can't even imagine what that would feel like to be in a foreign country at a very , very young age and not even speaking the language must have been just absolutely frightening .

Speaker 1 7:15

If I may . For me it was . I just didn't know what to do . I stood in front of the door to the building watching them leave and I genuinely thought just like the movies you see , these slams on the break and the front end of the car dips down because of how hard he hit the break and my dad comes running . He's like no , come with me , we're going back to . You know , none of that happened . It was just I watched that car disappear into the horizon and I just didn't know what to do . I just stood there , I didn't know . I couldn't call anybody . I didn't have a phone in the dorms . The apartment was empty at that time because no one moved into the dorms two days before college . Everybody moved in the following day . So I went back up to my room we're on the second floor and I just sat on a recliner until bedtime and then I just moved over and laid down just looking up at the ceiling . I didn't know what to do . Wow .

Speaker 1 8:24

I didn't even know . So Kirkwood Community College , where he left me , was at well the southern end of Cedar Rapids . It's on the very edge . I didn't know anything about the town , I didn't know where anything was . All I knew was you drive on the interstate , you see a bunch of cornfields and then you exit and boom , college is right there . Wow .

Speaker 1 8:49

So I didn't know anything . I didn't know where to go . There's nowhere to go . I didn't know anybody . There's nobody to speak to that night . So , to this day , that's the loneliest night of my life . Wow . Yep , and it's amazing because it's been exactly 30 years . 30 years , oh my . Yeah , it's exact . I mean it was August of August 22nd 1993 , and now we're 2023 . We're literally 30 years ago . I'm 47 and it's still the loneliest night of my life .

Speaker 2 9:21

Wow , how did you move past that ? What did you do in the coming weeks after that ?

Speaker 1 9:29

The first day I woke up . I have to tell you I never had a job before that . Okay , I mean I was very purplish growing up .

Speaker 1 9:42

I've never , made a sandwich . I've never made eggs , I've never cooked , I don't know anything . Wow , if my mom didn't cook , we had a chef , we had a driver , we had a garden . I mean , we were very purplish growing up , so all that was behind me . So I woke up , I made some eggs . They weren't great , but I ate them . It was fantastic Because they bought me some groceries before they dropped me off , so I had to have food to get going and then for me , not to this day when I need a little self therapy , I go for a run Right yeah , that's my thing .

Speaker 1 10:22

I was jogging and running . I was a soccer player and so I put on my shoes and I went for a run and I couldn't guess how many miles I ran five , six , seven , I don't know . I just I ran as far as I could , made a U-turn , came right back and then I showered and I am trying to figure out what to eat because I'm starving . And this is not in the book , but my lunch was a can of sardines and I made a sardine sandwich .

Speaker 2 10:54

I can't see , I've ever had sardines .

Speaker 1 10:59

Yes , I remember I put all the fish side by side and I put some pickles on them , and then some mayonnaise , and I just ate it . That was my lunch , yes . And then my first roommate moved in , and then which he was ? He was a . He was not a nice person . However , when the second run . I was a little bit more nervous when the second roommate moved in , jeff . Jeff is was my savior . Jeff is the one that from the get go he took one look at me and knew this kid is in trouble . He was .

Speaker 1 11:34

He was a few years older than I am and he was super nice , his girlfriend was there . And then when , when they moved all his stuff in and she left , and then he started attempting to talk to me , like I understood more than I could speak , cause you know , you learn vocabulary in school but not enough to , you know , get out of trouble , you know Right . And I remember asking me if I was hungry , I was like , yes , I'm loving to come dying , you know . And he asked me if I like pizza . I was like , of course , pizza is a universal language . It's any place on earth you call it pizza . Everybody knows what a pizza was Right . And he ordered Domino's pepperoni pizza because for students we had we had coupons that they left for us and it was $5 for one topping large pizza .

Speaker 2 12:26

Okay .

Speaker 1 12:26

And so , and so I , he ordered it on the phone , I , he went to his room , brought out the cordless , ordered it . And I'm trying to understand what's going on . So I kept telling him you know , we go , we go . And he says no , no , no , no , we don't go , we wait . And I , I didn't understand the concept of delivery because I've never seen it , never heard of it . And you know , suddenly some guy knocks on the door and hands us a pizza and I couldn't believe . I thought that was the greatest . This . I thought I'm probably greater than the internet . There was no internet .

Speaker 1 12:58

I'm just saying like it was the greatest thing that you make a phone call and they bring you food to the door . I remember just being absolutely fascinated with that technology . You know , like we don't have this technology back home . So he opens the box and I see these red slices and the . You know , the first question I asked him was like is this pork ? Because I don't eat pork and he said nah it's beef , just total casual .

Speaker 1 13:26

So that's you know . I picked up a slice and I devoured it . It was really good and I'm not going to lie .

Speaker 2 13:35

Oh , my goodness .

Speaker 1 13:37

Jeff was the person who got me out of trouble .

Speaker 2 13:40

Okay , yeah , okay . We all need that saving grace , friend , and it is like a blessing , one of the things I always , just I love about people's stories , as I love , you know , hearing , like you said , where your darkest , darkest moment is , and it sounds to me like it was that first day , being , you know , just lonely and staring at the walls and seeing how you can become so resilient . So I'm so resilient to overcome that and the people that are placed in your life that help you with that , because a lot of times it's not just ourselves that get us out of situations , but it's other people that have been placed in our life . So 30 years is a long time , it is . And I'm just going to tell us how did you ?

Speaker 2 14:31

You know what you're willing to tell us , because I will tell everybody , the book is fantastic . So I got the book when I met Anna's in Denver . I'm going to tell him that I started reading it flying back home to Georgia and I was just like devouring the book and when you know , we got off the plane and literally walking through the airport holding the book , reading the book , like looking up periodically to make sure I don't crash into anybody , and I'm reading it as I'm on the shuttle to get to my car , I get into my car and I sit there in the driver's seat and I'm continuing to read the book and I'm like , hey , I really need to drive home . I have got to put this book down . So the book is fantastic .

Speaker 2 15:10

Thank you , yes , I mean . So you said you did not want to write the book . What finally got you to write the book ?

Speaker 1 15:19

So I kept everything in . I didn't want to write anybody anything . And from 1993 until 2014 , I played soccer in just a bug every level , and One of the leagues I played at we used to play this one team , and there's one guy on that team . Oh , I was a forward and he was a defender , so we were always going at it and he he remember hearing him tell the other defenders I got the tall guy , don't worry about it , I got him . Of course , he never got me . I was scored , but he always really tried no , yeah , and so he looked different .

Speaker 1 16:00

I Knew he's from somewhere , but his name is Scott and he's Doesn't speak any other languages , so that was that always baffled me . So I never talked to the guy . Usually after the game , we just , you know , shake hands . Good game , good game . He goes one way , I go the other . One day in 2014 , we play a game and after the game , you know , we shake hands good game , good game . But we start talking for the first time .

Speaker 1 16:28

I played against this kid for years , never spoke him and we talk and right away , you're like God , how did we not speak before ? He was such a nice guy and we just clicked and so we ended up . It was an , it was an indoor game that night and we ended up talking while watching the entire next game , which is 48 minutes exactly . So we talked for almost an hour and then we said , hey , we'll see you around . I'm like , yeah , we'll see you around , and we left . The following Thursday we went to the outdoor league and , sure as heck , it was his team that we're playing and after that game we started talking .

Speaker 1 17:10

I mean we talked for a long time and then he said , hey , let's go to lunch sometime . And I said , yeah , absolutely so , I meet him for lunch . Probably a few days later and he Starts asking me questions . You know , I usually meet somebody trying to get that no one . And he asked me so what did your dad do ? I have never , ever , answered that truthfully to anyone since 1993 . So I told him my dad was a Jordanian ambassador , just like that . Don't know why . Everybody asked me why Scott ? I don't know . It's because he was the right person and I think at that time it was the right time for it to come out . I've lived miserable , basically from 93 to Really very recent . Okay , I .

Speaker 1 17:54

Never wanted to come here , but I was thrown in here and I'm I'm just dealing with it , like every day , I'm just dealing with it , you know . I don't know what the end was , I'm just , you know . I did what everybody would do , you know get married , have kids . But I was never happy . Never , I was never happy . But anyway , but all that was internal . Okay .

Speaker 1 18:17

So I told him and he's like , really , yeah , I started asking more questions . Every question , yes , ask me . I answered truthfully . And few lunch dates into this he starts to dig deeper and I'm answering . I don't . I never stopped answering and I just knew he was safe .

Speaker 1 18:35

If you will , right and Just one day he says hey , man , you , we , we , we really need to talk about this site , we really need to write a book about this . And I said , but and I don't know if I can swear on here or not , but I'll keep it clean and I looked at him square in the face and I told him , when he told me that we need to write the book , and I said who the bleep is gonna read my book ? I'm a nobody . And you're asking me to write a life story .

Speaker 1 19:03

I said you know who writes life stories . You know politics and movie stars yeah , athletes . I said I'm a nobody , I'm just an average job and he says you're wrong .

Speaker 1 19:16

You're wrong . Everybody was gonna . Everyone will enjoy it . There's , there's something in it for everyone . Your story is crazy . And I said , yeah , I know I , but I've heard crazy your stories . He said , yeah , but they did not write books . And we were . We are going to write your book .

Speaker 1 19:30

Right from that point on , three years go by and every time I see him he throws this hey , we got a writer book and I shut him down . And we move on . Three years later , we're , you know we're . We go out one night and he says , hey , I have an idea . And I said , hey , if it's about your stupid book , I don't want to hear it . He said , just hear me out . He's English major , his sister is a writer editor . And he says , between the three of us , we can write this and we're only gonna make two copies and we give it to your kids . Okay , and that Hit me . And it worked , because in my mind I thought you know , we write this book . I basically put it on a little hard drive or the man , whatever USB thing and I leave it in the safety deposit box and when my kid put me in a hole someday They'll discover like , oh , my god , dad wrote a book , you know . That's how I imagined it . Yeah .

Speaker 1 20:27

I did not want my story out because I lied to my closest friends about my past . I never told anybody .

Speaker 1 20:32

I didn't want to face anybody . I was just I'm under a rock and I want to stay on the rock . So we start writing this book and the way it worked . I worked a hundred hours a week and he's busy and his sister is busy , so what she used to do send me emails with questions and I Sent her back voice recordings while I'm working . And so three years go by and we don't . We don't go anywhere . We wouldn't even write down one chapter . Again , everybody's busy and , truthfully , 90% of it was probably me . I just I was .

Speaker 1 21:07

I did not want this stupid book to take to happen . I just right . So when she sends me an email , I take like two months to reply . You know , I just didn't want to do it . So after three years is the year the pandemic is 2020 , and Amelia , his sister , puts an ad and hires two writers Ella , who wrote the you know her and I co-wrote this book and another guy . So when she told me this , I kind of flipped out a little bit , because I told her . I said , for one thing , I I'm not . I mean , I'm not telling my , my story to my best friends . You owe me , tell two strangers right .

Speaker 1 21:47

I struggled with that and of course there's all the legal paperwork which we did and we started doing it . So we gave this writer X the first half of my life , so 93 and before .

Speaker 1 22:03

Okay and we give Stella 93 on Okay , and so he got his part done pretty quickly , but I wasn't reading what he was writing . I didn't in my mind , I didn't know , I've never wrote it , I don't , I don't know how this works . So right in my mind I thought , well , amelia is gonna edit it first , but then I get to read it , which that doesn't even make sense , because she doesn't know my story . I know my story but anyway he got paid .

Speaker 1 22:29

I was paying for them , I mean we . He got paid and disappeared and when Stella started telling me well , did you read my , what I sent you ? I said no . She said , well , you have to read it . Okay , well , that's when it kind of hit me that well , I got to read the first part , but I waited till she finished hers and then I went back and read his and it was absolute garbage . There was just that . And it's not that he was bad , it was Stella . Was that good ?

Speaker 1 22:57

Ah , okay that she made him look like a child . Writing her style was Insane . It was spectacular , like the way she turned feelings and put them into words . It was right , amazing . And so I called her and I said hey , you know where we're gonna have to . We're gonna have to , you have to redo the whole thing . So she did what . I can rewrote the whole book . So it's hers from start to finish . It's one style because it was definitely two different people that wrote the book before . Okay , and the one thing about me that I it's always about quality . I did not want to put garbage out there . Work was the same thing . I was known for my quality . I did , just did not want anything to be , for one thing , modified or fake . I wanted the true story and out there and in it all that , some of the bad stuff that I did . I had to put it out there , all of it , because it's right . The good , the bad , the ugly , it's all in there .

Speaker 1 23:55

Right and that's how we ended up writing this book . It was the year the pandemic . She was in New York , I was in Omaha , nebraska , and we FaceTime Daily , daily , it was daily . If we didn't face them was a call . If we didn't call , it was an email . An email was a text . I mean , it took us two years , until 2022 , to finish it . July , june of 2022 is when we finished that .

Speaker 2 24:17

Wow , that's amazing . All that time at your journey . I'm right and yet then finally finished in a relatively short period of time , correct , when you were really ready and you found the right person correct .

Speaker 1 24:31

Help you write correct . So we thought we finished it , but so Natasha , my wife , is the one that found Sam Samantha . I okay and I had no idea . So we were going to Colorado . Oh , and she said , hey , we're meeting with this person . Right . There's another part that I should tell you before . That is , we had a couple of people just read a small section of it , just that , like not even a chapter , just a small part of it .

Speaker 1 25:06

And both of them just turned around and said I wanna read the rest of it . And I said I know there is no rest of it . And they said no , no , no , we're reading the rest of it . However , when I gave the book to my attorney I've known him forever I went to his office and I told him hey , I just gave him a stack of printed papers and I said can you read this and give me your opinion ? And so two days later he called me and he said come to my office . And I said what for he goes . I wanna talk to you about this book . And I remember asking him . I said well , is this gonna cost me a visit or this is free ? You know how attorney's are .

Speaker 2 25:41

Oh yeah right , $500 an hour yeah exactly .

Speaker 1 25:45

If he calls you he charges . I'm like you call me Anyway . No , he said no , this one's on me . So I went up there His name is Wayne Rasmussen and he sent me a cross from him and he told me I know , you said you're not gonna publish this . He said I truly think you should . He said you have to publish this . And so between that and then the meeting with Sam , and then everybody just started talking to me and like we gotta do this , and so I finally said yeah , I said hell with it , let's just do it .

Speaker 2 26:19

Oh my goodness . So I have a question for you .

Speaker 1 26:21

Yes .

Speaker 2 26:23

Because so many times people probably have like the skeletons in the closet right , like things that they have never told anybody in the past . How did you like first get over , like when you would see your friends and knowing that you've kind of lied to them and understandably so but like , how was it that you finally like told them , what was their reaction ? And what would you suggest to somebody else that maybe has some hidden past that they need to tell people or want to tell people but are kind of a little bit afraid of ? What will people think ? Will they hate me ? That sort of thing .

Speaker 1 27:05

So for years I had never told anybody , and I'm kind of a robot I . When you get dropped off in the middle of Iowa at age 17 , you just become dumb to all of it , everybody . That was actually my nickname for a while . They just called me the robot . So when I came to business , somebody had to go , they had to go . I didn't really care if I was somebody two days before Christmas they didn't even bother me . I don't have any feelings .

Speaker 1 27:29

When the funerals wondered why people were crying , it was . You know it's hard to explain it , but I just I have an on off switch and if I hit the off switch I really don't have any emotions . I had a problem with my dad . I didn't speak with him for two years . I'm not saying that's wrong , it's just at that time it was really easy for me to shut it down and so I never really felt bad that I didn't tell my best friends . I never actually thought about that . To me , the lie that I had was my dad was traveling for a company that started up oil companies in certain countries and they sent him there the first two , three , four years to travel and to make sure that the company's up on its feet and they move on to the next location . And that was it .

Speaker 1 28:15

It was so easy for me to tell it , because that was the you lie about something so long and so much that comes to the truth . But when the book we decided that we're gonna publish this thing , my two brothers they're both Italian-Americans and I didn't get any more Italian than Tony and Carlo so I send them a text message and I said , hey , let's do lunch . And we did .

Speaker 1 28:44

We went to lunch and sat down and I told them hey , this is just something I wanna tell you . I said , well , for the last eight years , we've been basically working on this book . And they said what book ? Because I don't read . I hate reading it's not that I hate reading .

Speaker 1 29:00

I can't sit down long enough to read APDD in full effect , and so they were shocked there was a book , but then when I dropped the bomb on them , that says I lied about a lot of things and it was just pure silence and they're just ink , ink . We don't understand . We're brothers , we know everything about everything .

Speaker 1 29:23

when it comes to the three , of us and they said well , what are the lies ? I said they're so long and so many of them that I'm just I'm gonna let you read the book . And when we left that meeting we were still brothers and we were still friends , but you could tell something was off a little , which I of course I don't blame them whatsoever and then the book came out and Tony read it the day that it came out , and then Carlo read it a little bit later , and then we went out to lunch another time and they basically told me that they completely understand why I didn't come clean or tell them the truth . And it was really tough for me because these two out of everybody I know these two are it Like they are my best friends and so . But it made our friendship even better than before , because now it's all out there , right ? But yeah , the book really , the book really did a lot of good for me , a lot . I'm not even the same person I was two years ago because of it .

Speaker 2 30:42

I was gonna ask if the book , even though you resisted it for a long time if it has changed you or been like a healing process for you , or what it has done for you personally .

Speaker 1 31:02

As I started with , me and my dad weren't really the best of friends growing up . And in the book I put the event that I told you about where you got into it and I didn't speak to him for two years . The thing is to me , he's the person that ruined my future . Because , I wanted to play soccer but I was robbed of that .

Speaker 1 31:28

I didn't wanna leave Jordan but he forced me to Right and I always felt like he's never proud of me I never did anything to make him proud , and so some of that stuff , that's some of the thing that I did that I'm not very proud of , which you read about . It was always to try to make him proud , you know Right . But when he told me that I was destined to fail , and then he turned around , left , very subconsciously , I think , I decided that if I fail , then he wins , and I'm never gonna let him win Right , and so every time we attempted to talk about our differences , let's call him .

Speaker 1 32:13

Right right there would be an explosion Because as soon as I feel like he's attacking me , I would explode . And as soon as he felt like it was attacking him , he would explode , and we were just completely unsafe to be around each other . Yeah , okay . Because it maybe even subconsciously again I was waiting for him to say something so I can explode Right , because those early years that's exactly how it was I was waiting for somebody to do something so I can just let him have it , and it always made me feel better . Right .

Speaker 1 32:50

Well , after the book came out , they live in Kansas City and I went to visit them . I took the kids and we went and I when we walked in , see okay . One thing you should know is that my mom and dad were against the book . Because , that's another cultural thing where we don't do a laundry in public , basically Right . And they straight up told me do not publish this , and if you publish it , do not put your dad's name in it . Mm .

Speaker 1 33:21

So it's direct orders , of course me again . I just go against everybody and I did it anyway . So we walk into the house and this was probably a month , month and a half after the book launched . Okay . And I could feel something is off , something is wrong . I'm not wrong , but something is off . Right .

Speaker 1 33:43

The sixth sense kicks in and something is off . So we say our hello's , we put the bags in the rooms and then I come out and my dad looks at me just like the old days and he was much younger and he goes hey , I need to talk to you and I'm like shit . Oh yeah , but you know it's complicated .

Speaker 1 34:00

I know I really did not . I've changed a lot . I was not gonna have an explosion . I no matter what he said , I'm older , I'm much calmer now . So I said , okay , I sat down where he told me to sit down . And then he looks at the kids and he said hey , you too , I want you to sit down . So they did , and my kids are , you know , at that time , 21 and 18 . And so they're older , right . So ? And he sat across from us and he looks at me and he says I read your book . Hmm .

Speaker 1 34:29

I said , okay , I'm just as stoic as he is . All right , what do you think ? And he said I really like it , it's a really good book . I said , okay , and that's it , he's done with me . So he looks over at the kids and he says now I want to tell you my point of view . Now I tell you my side of the story . Okay . He basically repeats the last chapter to them . Okay .

Speaker 1 35:00

Almost word for word , but it's fine . I was okay with it because he just wanted them to hear it from his mouth on why he did what he did to me back in 93 .

Speaker 1 35:14

Well , the and I was just kind of smiling , just looking at him , telling him what he saw , what he felt , what he planned and why he did it . And you know , he didn't give me much information when I was trying to write the book because I asked him a million questions trying to get some out . But everything he said matched the last chapter and in a way I'm like , okay , so I was right , and again , accurate information in the book and it was great . It was great .

Speaker 1 35:48

He told them everything how the Middle , East is about to explode and after the Iraq , the first Gulf War and all these refugees coming in . Jordan is about to be crowded and no jobs and no colleges . And everything he said was right . He saw the writing on the wall . I didn't , I was only 17 . But he just wanted me out of Jordan Right , and so he told him his point , his side , and that's it . As soon as he finished , everything in the past disappeared and we're the best of friends now . Wow .

Speaker 1 36:30

And it's impossible to believe that had you told me before the book launched that that book , who my parents are against right would fix our relationship after 46 years of me being on earth , I would have left that no way . I know my dad . Right . But it was for the first time that he was reading and he could not turn me off because he kept reading . Yeah .

Speaker 1 36:59

So I resented him for years and he thought I still do , which I didn't , because in the book I admitted that it was always all me . It was never him I was at fault , it was all mental issues that I had . Right . So he was reading and he could not turn me off and he read it until the last word and he understood that I never , I don't blame him anymore . Right .

Speaker 1 37:27

And so in a way , we communicated , but he couldn't stop me from talking because he kept reading If that makes any sense , right , and he understood that . I really genuinely don't blame him for anything that happened . Wow .

Speaker 2 37:43

So , Well , your story is amazing and phenomenal and I would love to hear where can people , how can people , connect with you ? And then , where can they find your book ? And I know I've seen some things about possibly like I don't know if you have like book signings going on , but tell us how people can connect with you .

Speaker 1 38:07

Basically , social media is fantastic . I don't know if you noticed that Right . So we have the Instagram page , which is Destin DeFeel book . Yesterday was the one year anniversary of the launch and you know it's there . If people come across it , it's great . If not , it's great , it's all good . I did this for me . I didn't do it to sell it , I didn't do it to retire off it or any of that . It's just I did it for me , to hand my story to my kids , and that was the main thing for me . So , destin , it's Destin period two period fail period book .

Speaker 1 38:45

And anything that we do . We usually put it there and you can just if you send a message , I get it . I usually respond to all of them . That's been my favorite part through the last 12 months are the random messages that I get and I probably want her to a week From people I don't know and people I have never met , and some reason they send me messages and just tell me which part of the book they connected with .

Speaker 1 39:18

One of the messages I received was from a Polish girl who lives in London and she happened to be a dental technician , just like I was , and she misses family and she's struggling with English and she goes . I am you here , and so she absolutely connected with the book from that part and it's just the messages and messages that come in over the last 12 months and I end up having a good conversation with them and it's great Really . I mean , the place to get it is Amazon , but the reviews on there is , the reviews are amazing . I really , I mean , and I read everyone I'm such a geek , but I just wanted to share that the 141 reviews , which is not a lot again , just an average joke , but 141 reviews and they're really , really nice reviews , and so it really is shocking to me that people are actually reading it one and then two that they're liking it , so I'm just happy that people are actually enjoying the book .

Speaker 2 40:35

Well , I appreciate your time and I am going to put in the show notes your Instagram as well as a link to the book . And I think we all would say you know , even if it's just one life , you say you're just an average Joe , like you're a nobody , but in all honesty , we're all somebody and we all have a story . And even if it's just one person's life , you change the Polish girl who's living in I think you said London , or England right .

Speaker 2 41:07

You know , if she's having , like that , her darkest moment , and she happens upon your book and she's like , wow , if he can survive this , so can I . It's like sometimes to me just that one person's life that you can touch , even just the restoration of your relationship with your father , or that coming clean with your friends , were like now you just don't even have to worry . You know like and it's not that you worried before because , like you said , you had that on off switch but just you know if it has made you more like whole or like happy , you know . So I appreciate your time and just as a final word , because I always , because I always restoring hope is my podcast theme I always like to ask people what would you say was what you would fall on or an important point to tell somebody if they are struggling with something , on how to try to stay resilient . What one suggestion would you give to somebody ?

Speaker 1 42:16

Depends on what the situation is . It's hard to give one advice cover all but .

Speaker 2 42:21

Yeah , true .

Speaker 1 42:24

The first thing is to find the one , to find the Scott , to find the one person who you talk to . We all have BFFs , as my friend Brandy would say , but you have to find that one person and before you talk to them you have to be willing . Once the gate opens , just open the floodgates , Don't hold anything back . They truly want somebody to help you . They need to know everything .

Speaker 1 43:02

A lot of times people will tell a little bit but leave some in and that doesn't help anybody . So find your Scott and then tell them everything or her . I love that If you empty your chest and just get things out . One you feel better , but two you actually . If you can't talk to somebody , you're not going to help yourself , right ? Fortunately , that's why a lot of people end up harming themselves and it is because they hold things in . It is that poisonous , it is that dangerous To get to that level . You've held it too long . So when you feel it's the right time and you find the right person , just unload everything , because you will feel better instantly . I felt so much better that one person just one .

Speaker 1 44:03

His name is conscious . One person actually knew something that way . After that , anything he asked me , I told him . I felt so comfortable telling him things . Scott knows things probably no one else knows and it's because early on I trusted him with silly information like , oh , my dad was an ambassador or he was perplexed or whatever . It's so silly , but to me I was holding it in . So find your Scott and then just be willing to tell it all . But your Scott has to be somebody who is very trustworthy , that you feel comfortable with , not just anyone in your circle of friends . There's always that one person that you can talk to .

Speaker 2 44:45

Excellent advice . I think that's a great piece of advice , and it's one thing that I try as best as I can to be very transparent with a lot of people , because I think I always want people to feel like they can just open up and not have to try to hide or be somebody who's different . So that is a fantastic piece of advice and I thank you so much for joining us live from Jordan in taking time of your day .

Speaker 1 45:12

Thank you . It's my night now , but before we go away , I have a question for you . Or you think I'm just gonna let you go without asking you a question or two . Okay , I want to know what was your favorite part about the book .

Speaker 2 45:29

Oh gosh , I think it was so I will tell you . When you were talking , at like I always like to know the end , right , Like how did it end ? Like you know you're talking , you're like I want to know what's your relationship with your dad now , like like where is your family ? And you're like the last chapter will tell you everything I can't tell you . Like , and then you're like but if you just read it right now it's not going to make sense . Which was like okay , well , there goes that idea . Right , yeah , you got a last chapter and you read that .

Speaker 2 45:59

But really I think it was probably the last chapter how everything kind of all came together and I don't want to give a lot of way , but just the realizations that happen there . And I really could see how you changed in the book , Like you know , how you are a different person now than you were back in 1993 . And your resilience to just regardless of what was happening in the book . And there were some times where you're just like , oh my gosh , like I just can't believe that , that that just happened to him , and how you just kind of didn't let it bother you and maybe that was your on off switch , you know , but probably the last chapter was my favorite part .

Speaker 1 46:54

It's mine too , it's mine too . I read that last chapter a lot . I don't know why . I might have a book in the living room and just once in a while grab it and read that last chapter . And I always think maybe could we have made it better , and I just I can't come up with one way to make it better . It really , it really is my favorite part . A lot of my friends they like the crazy stuff I did in Sudan .

Speaker 2 47:27

Some of your funny things made me like . I was like , oh my gosh , like what is going to happen on the next page . Like what's trouble is going to get in .

Speaker 1 47:35

Yeah , but as far as the events in my life , everybody likes the very beginning of the book Riot . Yeah . Riot is a really good chapter and I'm not going to tell you the biggest shock for everyone . I think we all know it's about my ex .

Speaker 2 47:50

We won't say why but yeah , we won't say why .

Speaker 1 47:55

Yeah , yeah , so everybody seems to agree on everything , but very , very few people said that their favorite part was the last chapter , so I really appreciate that , because it's my favorite part .

Speaker 2 48:05

Yes , yeah .

Speaker 1 48:06

Well , anyway , thank you so much for everything . Thank you for reaching out and giving us that really nice plug about the book . That was really nice of you . And I'm looking forward to seeing you again in person , hopefully on the next empowered event .

Speaker 2 48:21

Yes or someplace else , right , yeah , I follow you .

Speaker 1 48:25

So you know , if I can be there , I will so .

Speaker 2 48:28

Okay , well , I appreciate it . Thank you so much .

Speaker 1 48:31

Thank you , I really appreciate it .

Speaker 2 48:34

Thank you for joining us today on the Restoring Hope podcast with your host , me , deborah Bigdown . It would mean the world to me . If you'd like and subscribe to this podcast , share it with your family and friends and those that you think might benefit from what it is that we've shared today , follow me on Instagram and Facebook . Check out my website the link is listed below . My prayer for you , my friends , is that you are able to lean into the person that God has truly designed you to be Restoring hope for both yourself and all of those around you . Until next week , have an amazing day . Love you all . Can't wait to chat next week .