Restoring Hope with Deborah Bigda
Deborah is a passionate entrepreneur who is committed to igniting women with hope to live a life full of passion. She believes that every women is destined for greatness and just needs the right community to help achieve it. As a mother of 4, married for over 27 years, she has experienced both the highs and the lows of life. She knows all too well what it feels like to be thrown into a trench, through no fault of her own, and the challenges of finding the treasure when all hope seems to have disappeared. While facing years of unemployment, she and her husband also endured skin cancer, a tornado, loss of a parent and a depression so dark that no light ever seemed possible.
After climbing out of this trench, Deborah finally found relief for herself and her family through a holistic approach. As a holistic health coach, Deborah is committed to teaching women how to restore health for both themselves and their families, as well as restoring hope to those who feel like all is lost .
Join her each week as she and her guest speakers share from their hearts so that you may have your hope restored and live life to its fullest being the person that God has designed you to be.
Restoring Hope with Deborah Bigda
Harder Than Life: Overcoming Poverty, Addiction and Violence
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Have you ever felt like you're wearing a mask to hide your true self? Kelly Siegel, CEO of National Technology Management (NTM), joins us to share his journey of stripping away the 'identity mask' and fostering a life of authentic joy and fulfillment. Our conversation weaves through the crucial balance of the five pillars of health: mental, emotional, spiritual, physical, and financial. Kelly's story is a raw testimony, a beacon for anyone yearning to break free from the cycles of abuse, addiction, and poverty, and a guide to embracing the relentless pursuit of self-improvement detailed in his book "Harder Than Life."
Kelly has an educational background in criminal justice and sociology from Western Michigan University. He has been delivering results since running his first paper route as a twelve-year-old. Besides his goal to make NTM the gold standard of the IT industry, his mission in life is to leave a legacy, or in Kelly’s words, “make a dent.”
His relentless drive to better himself is breaking his family’s cycle of abuse, addiction, and poverty. Kelly takes personal progress to the next level by continuously improving his physical, emotional, and mental health and performance by working out daily, reading voraciously, and practicing mindfulness. You’ll find him feeding people at spontaneous cookouts in his backyard, volunteering his time for causes close to his heart, and mentoring the next generation of leaders.
Kelly lives in Michigan with his daughter Arianna, their Yorkie Sammy, and cat Felix. He spends as much time as possible in Florida, preferably out on the water with Ari and good friends.
Connect with Kelly:
https://www.harderthanlife.com/
Grab a copy of his book Harder Than Life here:
https://www.harderthanlife.com/harder-than-life-book/
Find him on IG
https://www.instagram.com/kelly.siegel.71/
Find him on FB
https://www.facebook.com/kelly.siegel.71
Download your free workbook on the 5 Pillars to Your Overall Well-being. Click link https://deborahbigda.com/downloadable-5-pillars-to-well-being
Please comment on the episodes or connect with me and let me know how this episode has touched your life.
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Restoring Hope and Ultimate Health
Speaker 1I'm Debra Bigdeck , and this is the Restoring Hope Podcast , where you can come to discover that , no matter how bleak your situation may seem , you can experience true hope and ultimate health . And I'm not referring to just your physical health . I'm talking about a holistic approach to your health , including your mental , emotional , spiritual and financial health . Join me as I share inspiring stories , incredible guests and tangible actions that will transform you into the healthiest version of you , that version of you that is fully restored and hopeful for all that is possible . Welcome to the Restoring Hope podcast , where we share stories to encourage you to know that , no matter how dark the journey you are walking , there is always hope for a brighter future . And if you want to live a life of purpose , passion , joy , fulfillment and vibrancy , you must address your mental , emotional , spiritual , physical and financial health . And if even just one of these areas is lacking in life , you will not be able to experience true joy . And it is for this reason I am so excited to introduce our guest today , kelly Siegel , because he embodies all of this .
Speaker 1Kelly is the CEO of National Technology Management , ntm . He has an educational background in criminal justice and sociology from Western Michigan University . Kelly has been delivering results since running his first paper route as a 12-year-old . He did this so he could get money to buy himself food . It gives you a glimpse into his childhood . Besides his goal to make NTM the gold standard of IT industry , his mission in life is to leave a legacy or , in Kelly's words , make a dent His relentless drive to better himself in breaking his family's cycle of abuse , addiction and poverty . Kelly takes personal progress to the next level by continuously improving his physical , emotional and mental health and performance , by working out daily reading vicariously and practicing mindfulness . You'll find him feeding people at spontaneous cookouts in his backyard , volunteering his time for causes close to his heart and mentoring the next generation of leaders . Kelly lives in Michigan with his daughter Ariana , their Yorkie Sammy and cat Felix . He spends as much time as possible in Florida , preferably out on the water with Ari and good friends . Welcome Kelly .
Speaker 2Debra , thank you again , and I wrote down all those five pillars . And you're absolutely right the mental , spiritual , emotional , physical and financial well-being is essential to everything we do . And I'm not going to sit here , like some thought leaders may do , and tell you how great everything is , because , as I speak to you right now , it is a very stressful situation because we are launching a new program at National Technology Management , trying to make it the gold standard , as you said in the intro . Thank you for that and we are launching the Heart and Life Coaching Program . Podcast is blowing up . Heart and Life Podcast is blowing up to teens . We're trying to get it to number one .
Speaker 2So , under a little bit of stress which kind of has every single one of those components thrown off , I would argue , or at least present this , that you'll hear me say this a thousand times Money won't make you happy , but happiness will make you money . So if you take the mental , spiritual , emotional and physical and get those down Pat , I would tell you you will the mental , spiritual , emotional and physical and get those down pat , I would tell you you will make money or at least you'll be peaceful enough that you will have enough money and you will have abundance , using gratitude and using all of the tools that I so gab about . Whenever everybody meets me and and all over these airwaves uh , I will , and people would love to have my challenges or tough times , but it is true , one of those are off . It'll be a beacon , it'll be like the bat light where you will . It will shine if your mental is off , if the spiritual , emotional , physical and mine always starts with physical .
Speaker 2I get up at 4.15 , I get my butt to the gym and I start my day off with a big rush of adrenaline and I'm usually listening to some sort of podcast or some sort of motivational thing to get my emotional and mental well-being or some sort of motivational thing to get my emotional and mental well-being . And then I come home and I do my gratitude walk and I do my meditations and I hit all of them and then the finance tends to come with it . So , debra , thank you for having me . I'm here , I'm yours . Be careful what you ask for , because I will give you every answer and I have messed everything up , but I have fixed everything and I am alerted . Also , I will share everything that you ask of me .
Speaker 1Thank you , kelly .
Speaker 1I will just tell you so first of all , for those that are listening , kelly has a book , harder Than Life .
Speaker 1I am telling all of you that you need to get this book because even if we were to like literally read everything which we don't have time to read it all here but even if I were to try to tell you everything in the book , you want the book so you can highlight it , underline it , like let the words sink in , because I have .
Speaker 1I really have been enjoying this book and within the first four pages , like you were talking in there kind of a little bit about what you're saying , but you also mentioned , like having this identity mask that you know on the outside you might have looked great to everybody , but on the inside you were not happy . And again , like you had the physical and the financial but you were ignoring the mental and emotional health and how that was like not allowing you to be happy . And so you ask the question , like , are you ready to embrace the suck to get what you want ? And I love that and I'd love for you to just kind of well , first tell people maybe a little bit about your childhood and how ? Why like so they can understand these 10 values that you talk about in your book , why they were so important , what it is that you're looking to change and break the cycle .
Speaker 2You're looking to change and break the cycle . Yeah , that is the $10,000 question . Embrace this suck . I got to write that down . That's funny because I did write that in the book . Yeah , the book was an Amazon bestseller for many weeks . We're going to re-release it with some changes and we're starting book number two . So sorry for the shameless plug , but I grew up and we're starting book number two . So sorry for the shameless plug , but I grew up .
Speaker 2We all have skeletons , we all have issues , but mine , I think , could have been avoided and should have been avoided , but my parents did the best they could . They were physically and emotionally abusive , and that is just making it sound good . At age nine , on my birthday , my mother beat me so bad I thought I was going to die and it wasn't until I went to EMDR therapy . After many , many years of talk therapy , after many . I tried hypnotherapy , I tried plant medicine , everything . It wasn't until I was in an EMDR therapy that I was able to release that . And if you've ever done EMDR , you should assign logic to an emotional situation . And sitting there and not understanding why your mother would literally pummel you in the face when they're supposed to love you , I assigned the logic that she knew this world was a tough , tough place and was making me even tougher . So that's where the harder than life comes into play . Then her husband , who was my stepfather , was an awful drunk who would just come home and pummel on me every single night . And it just got old and the only time I ever could have any solace is if he came home and wanted to give me a beer and drink with me at that young of an age . So I was taught boom , oh my God , if I just drink with my stepfather , that means I get camaraderie and safety Two very messed up things to learn at age nine .
Speaker 2So I built this wall and this mechanism of survival skills that actually allowed me to thrive and I rode that for many years to what you see today and I'm trying to break down . I broke down most of those things and allowing and understanding , accepting God into my life and understanding , accepting God into my life , doing lots and lots of meditations and journaling to do the mental . So I have taken and really rounded myself out and we're about to take the next step . But every different levels require different you encounter different devils and requires different facets of you . So , yes , we've had very good success with our Heart of the Life brand . Yes , we've had very good success at National Technology Management , but we're about to take it to the next level and then , after that , we're going to have to become somebody else to take it to the next level .
Speaker 2So , embracing the suck , if you really just stop and pay attention and I mean this , this is the best advice . Everybody , listen to this , what I'm going to say embracing this suck . You either embrace it or it's going to overcome you and really engulf you . If I look back from age , I started my book at age 30 and then I kind of go backwards . And at 30 is when I first knew I needed to make changes . I could not continue going along , this fun party animal and I was making a ton of money at 30 .
Speaker 2And I said this is not sustainable , I've got to change it . I didn't make major , major change until I was 43 years old . Those 13 years I wasted and now I say that my daughter was born during that time . I could have been better at everything . So if you don't deal with these issues , god will make you so . I had wished and they just kept sending me signs and warning signs and put hey Kelly , hey dummy , dude , stop , stop , stop . I'm going to . All this stuff is happening because you're not . You're ignoring it . So if you look at the bad in your life , there's a common , there is a common thing , and it is God . Universe , source , jesus , energy , whatever you want to call it is going hey , dummy , look here and honestly , it gets scary to look at it at the first but it's like your first couple of workouts you get sore , and then all of a sudden it's like , wow , this is cool , right .
Speaker 2And then it becomes easier , man , and it just life gets so good until it's time for you to go to the next level . And then you got to break shield another , shed another layer and go to the next level . And I keep doing that and keep doing that and keep doing that . And for so many years it was just let's keep pushing as hard as we possibly can to try to be worthy . If I just make this amount of money , everybody's going to notice me , everybody's going to love me , I'm going to be relevant and newsflash you're not .
Speaker 2Because it all starts from inside , and once I figured that out , then all things fell into place and I started making bigger money and having a more . I call it peace , clarity and freedom . And freedom is really to me isn't just the freedom to move around the world , which I can , but the freedom is in my mind . I'm not a prisoner in my mind anymore , whereas if I , when I was this , this survival guy instead of thriving guy , I would be in jail in my head and I thought it was fun and at one point I just didn't , he didn't , I didn't know what he didn't know . So I just stopped , surrendered and life started getting better . It got really well for a minute and then it got so much better and I would do it again in a heartbeat . I wish I would have done it earlier .
Speaker 1Yeah , but you know , I mean it is the pushing harder until you feel worthy . It is so amazing to me as I talk to people how there seems to be a couple things that most people have , like whether they don't feel worthy or they're not good enough . And it's never trying to place blame on one's parents , because everybody's parents , you know , do the best that they can and at some point now , I mean parents can be absolutely right . You had a rotten childhood . By all measures , anybody would say it was a horrible childhood . All measures , anybody would say it was a horrible childhood .
Speaker 1The things that you talk about in the book and you talk about having to empty your father's piss jar and stuff like that . But at some point we can't be that victim forever , even though many , many people want to carry that and they don't want to release that . And yet the truth of the matter is I find that a lot of times , if we play victim , the only ones that we're ever hurting are holding back , are ourselves , because it doesn't hurt our parents or whoever was the abuser . But feeling worthy and not feeling good enough seems to be like this common thread .
Healing From Trauma, Giving Back
Speaker 1But I love how you talk about like having freedom in your mind , because I think that so many times we're almost our worst critic . We're telling ourselves all these terrible stories , and in your book you talk about the 10 values , and self-awareness was one of the first ones .
Speaker 1And something that jumped out at me in that is that I think that in society in general , like it's okay for women to have feelings like and it's , you know , acceptable for women to have feelings , and it's acceptable for women to like go through this healing process . But for men for most men it's suck it up , like don't cry , man up , real men don't cry . And kids are taught this from like the earliest of ages . I have three boys and I see it all the time . Like you know , on the baseball field you know they get hit by a ball or whatever and you know they got like a bruise already and the coach is like oh , suck it up , dude . Like real men don't cry , like get down to first base . But I love how you talk about like it's okay for men and I'd love for you to kind of just address that from a guy's perspective of digging in and healing the side of you .
Speaker 2Well , I wrote down a bunch of notes on that . First of all , I would tell you that when we have a tough childhood , or any situation where it's tough , we end up drinking the poison and expecting the other person to die . It's this insanity , and the weirdest thing about it is that thoughts are magical eyes . Listen , and the weirdest thing about it is that thoughts are magical eyes . Listen . There's no ifs , ands or buts about how bad my childhood is , and I'm not sitting here trying to say it wasn't bad , or even since I've so healed that it was . I literally I go back to my sister , who was nine years older than me , who has a much clearer vision of it , and I ask her was it that bad ? She's like it was worse than you even said , and she's like you you blocked out a lot , yeah , and so I don't want to say that , but there are certain things that you know , the , the , the thought that's the magical lie in my head is I wasn't lovable . Now , did my parents love me ?
Speaker 1They did yeah .
Speaker 2They just didn't know how to love themselves and didn't know how to show it . But in my head I created this narrative that said they don't love me . Listen , beating me up was the love that she got from her parents , right , so she gave that forward . So where I'm going with this is that , if you can turn you , if you're going to give them the bad , you got to give them the good because I learned you mentioned . I got to give him the good because I learned you mentioned I got to talk about the p empty in the p jars . My , my parents were so were violent drunks and they were violent to each other when it wasn't to me , so they would sleep in separate rooms when they were drunk and , uh , he would pee in a p jar because he didn't want to come out , because he didn't want to get beat up by my mother . That's how crazy the shit is . You can't make this up . My mom lit the house on fire one time trying to get into his room , so my job was to empty this piss jar every single night , drink every night , and if I forgot , he would throw it on my bed , which would make a mess on my bed , and I'd have to clean it . What did I learn from that ? Do your job right the first time . And that still reads its ugly head here today .
Speaker 2I am 48 years old . I'm sitting in a sales meeting yesterday no , a meeting with my leadership team at National Technology Management and people aren't doing their jobs . And it's activating that young little boy in Now . Did I lash out ? No , but I could feel it . So we talk about feeling feelings which , by the way , I have a TED Talk coming out October 10th . I am going to talk about the courage to be vulnerable with your feelings . Oh , awesome , and it is . And and I say courage because I believe it's courageous we all want to be courageous . So how ? How do we , as men , as women , as anyone , you have got to feel your feelings , but name them and release them If you sit them in you and hold on to them . I just put a post up this morning about that .
Speaker 2Sometimes people call self-care that . They masquerade avoidance as self-care , so we don't sit around . And woe is me . I could very easily . Today I woke up . I haven't slept very well in the last three nights . I got a lot going on . I could very easily go . Oh , I just I need to rest .
Speaker 2Really , what I'm doing is avoiding that launch of my heart , of the life program . That that's really , if we're boiling this down , that's what we're . I'm avoiding the work that I have to do to launch the program as well as we're launching a marketing , big marketing program at NTM . So , yes , I do need stuff . So there's your balance that you talk about . But really , truthfully , I think we got to lift both up and I just got to embrace the suck .
Speaker 2That right now is a season that I have got to grind because we're trying to give back so much . The whole goal of the heart and life program is to give a million dollars a year away to charity . We have three beautiful charities two children's charities and one addiction charity . We're going to be donating 300 plus thousand per year once we get there . So once we launch this program , we get it off the off the running . We're going to make modest donations just to show people that we mean business . So this is all for charity , because I don't want the two children , I don't want anything anybody to have to go through what I had to go through .
Speaker 2I'm tough , I'm the chosen one . I'm here for a reason I'm going to model , inspire and show people that anybody can do it . So again , that was a long-winded answer about your question , but I think we pretty much nailed it Well .
Speaker 1I love that and I definitely want to make sure that I know October 10th , the TED Talk . I want to make sure that we get people to watch that because I think that's going to be incredible . I want to make sure I hear that no-transcript like I walked extra . But then you come back and you're like , crap , I didn't do what I really need to do , because ultimately , in your heart , you're still wanting to do whatever , like you're still wanting to build your harder than life program so that you can give this million dollars a year to these three charities . And so if you avoid , all you end up doing is beating yourself up more in the end because you're like , well , crap , now I didn't really do it and you're feeling worse about yourself . So what do you do , kelly , when you're avoiding ? How do you get yourself to take that step , to not do that self-care and do the hard thing ?
Speaker 2Such a hard question . For me , what we resist persists . Yes , and you're not going to like my answer . I don't avoid it , I run right into it . That's and , truthfully , that's where I'm having a problem right now is I . I always say be the buffalo and run right into the storm , because you'll run right into it and it's coming at you and you'll get out of it faster yeah the challenge with that is there's a lesson somewhere that the universe is trying to teach me right now , so I'm going to actually go .
Speaker 2I've been sitting in the storm and just letting it pass by me , because there's something that God is teaching me , and I think it's patience . I really do . I have pushed until something happens , over and over and over again , so we're always kind of tinkering .
Speaker 1At least I am yeah .
Speaker 2Because I noticed I'm being taught the same thing over and over and over again , even though I'm pretty far healed . Everybody will say , oh , you're always healing , yeah , but the but when you really get over your , your insecurities and your childhood trauma , they're subtle . They're very , very subtle . But you know so it's like when they say 80% of the shuttle , the space shuttle's fuel is to get 300 feet off of the right . So that's the big part . So it took me majority of my effort to heal my childhood and then now I'm actually just making slight adjustments and I'll do that for the rest of my days here and continue to grow so I can be relevant not only really relevant , but so I can give back to people . That's what this is all about . I just man , I'm going to inspire and just keep showing , and I love the young kids .
Speaker 2I have a daughter who's 15 . I love getting the 15 to 25 year old saying man , no matter what you see on social media , what you see in the news , you do matter and you are here for a reason . You are unique . There is only one of you . Let's grow , and that's what I'm talking about , not let's go , let's grow together . And as you grow , you take up more space and you do more good . So I would say look good , feel good , do good .
Speaker 1I love that and I love how you're trying to reach back , because I was speaking with another gentleman not too long ago and he's in his like early thirties probably and he had a pretty rough childhood and his whole mission is reaching back because he's like you know , it's great when we're adults and we can heal and we need to , but what if we could stop the cycle further back , like earlier in the process ? What would that look like in the world you know 5 , 10 , 15 years from now , if you could reach back to the younger generation and let them know whatever they're going through , Like hey , you are worthy , you are loved , and so I love that you're trying to reach back to the younger generation .
Speaker 2It's a funny thing , though . What else would we do ? Sharing is caring . All right , let's say I healed and I just kept this all to myself and poured all my energy into national technology management . I'd make millions and millions and millions of dollars , and what would I do with it ? Right , I don't . Here's the funny thing about it when you heal , you require less of everything . Yeah , my space that I take up nowadays is so small . Yeah , I have two homes . I have two of everything , but that's it . That's all I need . I don't need seven .
Speaker 2I have two of everything , but that's it . That's all I need . I don't need seven , and they're both modest and I don't need to travel the world . I just need to feed my mind and my body , and that's very cheap . I can do it free from YouTube , I can do it with audio books . I can do it with regular books . So it's funny how you just require less , so as I make more money , I got to figure out a way to do something with it .
Speaker 2that's good , and I'm not going to just give it to my daughter . She's got to earn it . I had to earn it . She's growing up with love that I didn't have . She's already growing up as an assassin , a savage . She looks at me . She's like dad , all these kids , they don't , they don't , they don't , they're , they're letting their bodies go already . They're , they're , they're . They're looking for significance , they're looking for validation outside , and so I don't require any of that anymore . So when the um harder than life coaching program blows up , and we'll figure out more ways to give back even more .
Speaker 1I love that and I love I mean , when I was reading your book and you talk about your company and like all that you're doing in your company with like building honesty and just you know the type of people , the employees and stuff I was like man crying out loud like I would love to go work for his company if I was in the corporate world .
Speaker 1I was like it just it is . It sounds like such an incredible place because you are an incredible leader , leading people with incredible values , like and you talk about honesty and integrity and I love your definition of honesty in the or truth . I guess it was your definition of truth and it was just like it's you know , actually like your perspectives and opinions of your own lens . So is there really any real truth , which I say a lot of times to my kids . I'm like you know every truth is somewhere in the middle because everybody's going to tell their story . They could see something and tell it exactly how it is and you're going to get lots of different stories , but I'd love just like to dig in a little bit for like honesty and integrity and owning up , like being impeccable with your word , owning up to your mistakes and , yeah , it's healing .
Speaker 2So you said you'd love to work for
Importance of Values and Accountability
Speaker 2me . I gotta tell you my leadership team probably would argue with you today . Uh , with much is given , much is expected .
Speaker 2My standards are super duper , super duper high and they even say they're like man , you just expect and all I say is , no , I just want to one percent better every day . So to show that , I prove that I said this is our vision traction , organization , our EOS model . I keep it , it's always on my person and right at the top of it , if you can see , are our core values ? Okay , and those are my personal core values tenacious , continuous improvement , delivering results , honesty , integrity and family . You'll notice those are five other chapters of the book . So , oh my goodness , what was ? Oh , you wanted me to talk about honesty , integrity . What was the other , what was the second question ?
Speaker 1Honesty , like when people make mistakes , because so many times like you talk about like always telling the truth and owning up to like your mistakes , and so often people will be like it's just a little white lie , Like let me just tell this because I don't really want to have to say that I made a mistake . It's just a little white lie , Nobody will ever know . And you go into several different stories in the book about like owning up to your mistakes .
Speaker 2Yes , yeah to your mistakes , yes , yeah To me and anybody you read owning your mistakes as being the full victor mentality , not victim victor . Owning your mistakes ? The moment I said to people I got arrested for selling drugs in college lots and lots of drugs , and I had to go do time and it took me years . I was so mad at all my friends because all my friends had signed deals to to testify against me and that's the only reason they got me . They never had anything on me . So I was so angry at them for years and all I did is harbor resentment . And then the moment I said you know what I did it ? I was the one selling drugs . They couldn't catch me . So they got all my friends , which ultimately caught me . But had I not been selling drugs , my friends , I wouldn't have put my friends in a position to have to testify against me just to cover their own , to take care of themselves . So the moment I own radical ownership , radical honesty . Oh , I set myself free . So you know also . But I would give you a new one .
Speaker 2I also think toxic responsibility could be something too , where you take , always take responsibility for everything . I'm sorry , I'm sorry , no , it's my fault . Sometimes it isn't . Sometimes it's just God saying yo , I'm teaching you something , learn it . That's what's going on at NTM right now . It's we're all three leadership who we're very tight , we're very vulnerable . I cultivate a family mentality where it's OK to communicate . Dude , you're being a dick man , you're stinking . Oh , what insecurity is going on right now . What did I just activate ? What did you just hear ? That's a big one . Every once in a while I'll hear that it's my fault . Everything was my fault as a child , so it was like I had this insurmountable burden on me . I had to cook , I had to clean , I was , for all intents and purposes , a child slave , and that's the only purpose I had . So everything was always my fault , and I hear people telling me it's my fault or I'm not good enough , and so I have to work on it . So that radical accountability is important . But you also got to be careful not to always shoulder all the burden , because it does take a village . That's why family is so important to me , and I think you're .
Speaker 2What you're saying is be impeccable with your word is one of my favorite books . It's the first , first agreement and the four agreements . So all too often people are impeccable to their word to other people , but most importantly , it has to be to themselves . So I'm sitting here saying I'm a piece of shit , or or I'm not good enough , and I and I beat myself up . You said earlier here um , you know , or we're our worst critic , yeah , I am still my worst critic . Yeah , uh , I .
Speaker 2If I said the things out loud that I say to myself , I say I'm a lot less now because I really am healed , but but I say , uh , that was stupid , you're stupid , that was stupid . What are you thinking all the time ? I'm not stupid , I was just . I just made a decision that wasn't , that wasn't right , right , uh , I , the one thing I don't do is I don't make any unethical decisions . That honesty , integrity , is very , very , very simple .
Speaker 2If I ever do , I'm so in a line with God , that God protects me , and it sounds so cliche . But I will make a wrong decision and like , oh , you are the company you keep . So when you , when I made this change , I kind of got rid of a lot of old drinking buddies , and then every once in a while I'll call me hey , let's hang out . And I'll be like , yeah , okay , why not ? And then something will come up and God won't let us get connected . And I'm like , hmm , and I put attention .
Speaker 2So when you're really on that positive train , of that positive momentum , which is what a lot of people are on the negative train , is to kick it off , that negative merry-go-round . And let me tell you , if you're on a negative merry-go-round , jump off of that thing , barrel , roll and jump back up and start living your life , because the next thing you're going to blink your eyes and you're on your deathbed and you're going to look what did I do in my life ? Did you ever live ? You've heard about it . Your people , many people live their whole life but never live a single day Right . And it's just sad and that's what the trajectory I was on , I was , I was . If you watch , you look , you think I was having such a good time and everything was great , but it's all empty .
Speaker 2So again , the Four Agreements book . If you haven't read it is phenomenal . I read it during the pandemic . I read a million books , I read all the time . I am alert at all a sponge . I want to grow .
Speaker 2And it's continuous and never-ending improvement . And that's what we're doing . Literally , that's the number two core value in their company . Continuous improvement yeah , so I live , breathe , eat , embody all of these things . That's the one thing that I absolutely love being aggressive , which is tenacious , growing yourself , continuous improvement , delivering results . We're in a results-based world .
Speaker 2If you don't provide value , what are you doing ? And honesty , integrity , which is just . It's just giving me my internal standards and boundaries of how I'm going to operate , how we're going to operate as as as NTM . And then family just because I didn't have a family , I want to care . It is hard to say family , especially when , every once in a while , you have to separate from family , so it's a hard one . But what I meant by that is with the love and affection and safety and courageousness and vulnerability that you have with your family and the ride or die-ness that you have with your family is what I'm trying to cultivate between our customers , our employees and all of us . We just off-boarded a customer who called and screamed at us unlike family . So if you violate these , you will not be at NTM , and if you violate them personally for me , you will not be in my circle of influence at all .
Speaker 1Yeah , I , um , that is the people that are closest into your circle . It's so important . I love how you're like just like jump off the negativity , like barrel roll and like jump back up . I tell people all the time like your mind is always looking for answers . So if you are always asking yourself questions , either like you know how did I screw up ? Or you know , just thinking about the worst case scenario , like well , what could happen if X , y , z , like your brain will look for those negative answers , but if you shift them towards the positive , like I wonder , like what incredible thing will happen if you know .
Speaker 1Like , for example , I know somebody that's potentially getting ready to lose their job and they were talking to me very negative about it and I was like you know , I said what if you were to ask yourself like what great possibility might come if I'm let go ? Like what is the better potential opportunity out there that I can't even come , if I'm let go ? What is the better potential opportunity out there that I can't even see because I'm stuck in this job ? And so having that close knit circle of people that are positive , I think is so important . You talk about family a lot , but family doesn't just have to be blood family , does it .
Speaker 2No , no , as you saw when you see me work a room , some of my friends this year are people I didn't even know last year and close . Rudy Ricksteins is like I had dinner at his house with his kids and stayed the night . I don't do that . And they've become Amberleaf , become the night . I don't do that and he's they've become Amberley could become great family . I need anything . I can reach out to them , so , but be careful about what . What I want to give you with the harder than life .
Speaker 2Kelly Siegel , spin on what you just said . Yeah , I think you need to just ask yourself better questions , not positive questions . Ask yourself better questions . What am I going to ? What do I look ? What do I need to learn from losing my job ? What are you trying to teach me ? What skills do I need to add to add more value into this world ? What of this old me needs to be shed to become the next person ? What do I want to do in life ? That this job was holding me back ? Notice . None of that was super positive . Right , but it was just better questions than why me ? Yeah , no , I love that , Because everything happens for you , not to you . There is a reason and this was the beacon .
Speaker 2I would bet that your friend is out of alignment in their mental , spiritual , emotional or physical being . And this is God saying dude , you're not listening to me , so I'm going to make you listen to me . If they don't do it and they go back in as the same person , they're going to get the same job and be taught the same lesson . So use this as a lesson . If , whoever you are , they're listening to this , which I hope you are , because Debra is a good friend I encourage you go at this a little different the next time . Go for a totally different job . I would begin with the end in mind and I would say hey , what lights my soul on fire ? Go do that and get paid to do it , and your life will be better .
Speaker 2And my guess again is , you know , we're going to go back to the mental , spiritual , emotional and physical . For me it's fitness , business and relationships . One of those three are out of alignment , which the mental , spiritual , emotional and physical all roll up to that . Do one of those things . If you lose your job , and also , too , don't worry about it Release and allow it , because you have no control over it unless you haven't been working , and that's different . But there's a lot of M&A going on . There's a lot of downsizing going on because the economy is constricting . Right now it happens in an election year . Next year will be better . Use this as a reset . What can I reset in my life ? This is a fresh start .
Speaker 1Let's go and let's grow . I love that and I love the asking better questions , because , I will say , the person definitely is not living with passion and many times I'm like I know that there's something that would light your fire so much better , but it is that not feeling worthy or good enough . You know that , like there's no other job that would pay me as well and you know , like , the things that I would really like to do , oh , just , put that out in the universe ?
Speaker 2Of course there isn't , because you just made it happen . So I'm curious . Yeah , I find in my life . So this is going to get personal for this person and I . But you know what these are the kind of conversations that bring people closer .
Speaker 1Yeah .
Speaker 2They don't have to be difficult conversations , you just have to be had conversations . So how is that person's physical fitness ? Could it be better ?
Speaker 1Probably because you know what , because what ?
Speaker 2I'm seeing where I'm seeing this is that's usually if you just move and work out three to five times . I'm obnoxious , I go seven days a week , but if you go three to five times a week you're going to feel better and you will do better . So I find that when somebody is not in good shape and I believe me , round is a shape too , guys but when you're not in good , good , I don't have to be perfect shape , but in good shape , good . Where you're , where you're in cardiovascular health , your , your BMI is in alignment . I find that the rest of their life is is messed up as well . So if you can just pick one , I've started with the physical fitness , so just do that . I would encourage your friend to go to the gym three to five times a week and if they say I don't know what to do , go walk on the treadmill , do anything just to get started . Progress over perfection . But if I were to pick any of those , I start with the physical , because that will rid you of a lot of the toxins to get your emotional a little bit better , and then you can institute the meditations , the journaling I don't know how to do that Well , there's apps for it all .
Developing a Winning Life Strategy
Speaker 2And journaling . If I showed you my journal , you'd laugh at it . I have these notebooks , these spiral notebooks , all over my house . That's my journal . I just write whatever on my mind because there's no rhyme or reason to it . I just got to get the thoughts out of my head and on the paper and then they're gone . So if you just do those three things , that's what we're going to be teaching in the Harder Than Life program , and we're going to have a structure we call it the Siegel operating system a structure on how to do it day in and day out . You win one day , you win the next day , you string together a month , you got a winning month , you got a winning year and you can keep going . So it really isn't as hard . And the next book , I think I'm going to call it easier than life , because if you follow our plan , your life will get easy .
Speaker 1I love that . I love it and I do like the starting with physical , because there is just a lot of physiological like chemical process happening in your body . When you do the physical like , it releases all the endorphins and I think that is probably what helps make like your mental and emotional , them all Right .
Speaker 2So if you go to the gym and I'm not saying , go to the gym and lift heavy weights , just go to the gym three to five times , you'll see yourself slim up , because there's no , there's no subjectivity , it's you're going to see yourself get better , you're going to feel better . So if you try to go spiritual or emotional or mental you're going to go well .
Speaker 1I think I feel better . I'm not sure you can't see it .
Speaker 2But when you go in and you drop five pounds , you feel good which is going to make you want to do other things , which will add in the journaling and the meditation and the podcasting and the gratitude walks . Notice I'm not saying anything . That's earth shattering here , right , you know . And then the only other question that I ask every time is how's your physical fitness ? And then what is your association with alcohol and cannabis ? Those are the two things that I start off right away and that nails , unfortunately , 90 of the people . One of those two are way out of whack . Yeah , let's fix those before we fix anything else . And then we start gradually freaking going . And I just told you the single operating system . Is it simple ? And I'm going to hold you to a higher ? And it is simple , but it's not easy .
Speaker 1No , it's not easy .
Speaker 2But we're going to tie that into their , their , their 10 year plan . So we're going to in the single operating system . It's a lot like EOS . It's what do you wanna be in 10 years ? So then you , by thinking in 10-year increments , you realize that what you do , right , this exact second , really isn't gonna have that big of an impact for 10 years . So in 10 years . So you gotta string it together 90 days , then a year , then three years , and then , all of a sudden , you're gonna look back at 10 years ago .
Speaker 2Who is that person ? I started this whole thing during the pandemic . I'm not even near the same person . I'm not even the same person . I was a year ago when I started Heart of the Life . I am much more calm , much more relaxed . I don't even know who that person is . So this stuff works , people .
Speaker 2You turn on any thought leader , whether it be Ed Milet , andy Frisella , john Gordon , any of them that we all know , and they're going to tell you the same stuff . This is what your program is going to be about . It's the same stuff . It's just who gives it to you in a way that you can , can , can digest it . So simple and so easy . And , um , you know people think , oh , I work out seven days a week . You know I do that because I just feel good , right , yeah , and you can't argue with the results . We got multimillion dollar IT company . We're going to , we're going to be making our million dollar donations . We've got a top podcast . Hey , this isn't . I didn't get all this because of . I want a quiz show . We did the work Right , so don't sit back and manifest things . I talk about this all the time . Manifestation without action is just a dream . I want you manifesting , but I want you working towards it as well . Right , every single day .
Speaker 1Well , and you just hit on something that I tell people that I think a lot of people find hard is like they look at you , maybe right now , and they're like , oh , look at Kelly , like he's got all this , you know . Look at his , you know how great shape he's in this big company that he's built . And when they're working on it , and maybe it's not working right away , they're just like . It's like I'm not the lucky one , you know , it's just not meant to be for me . But what they don't see is what you did to get where you are . And I like , how you say , string the 90 days together , you know , because people can possibly do something for 90 days . If they think three years or five years , that might feel overwhelming . But if you're like , hey , just do it for 90 days , because you talk about that in your book too , like I think that's how you kind of approached not drinking , right , you said I'm going to do it for 90 days .
Speaker 2I never intended on quitting forever . I learned this new term this last month called elective sobriety , and that's kind of what I did . You know people ? Oh , I learned this new term this last month , called elective sobriety , and that's kind of what I did . You know people ? Oh , I didn't drink as much as you and you are an alcohol label . Whatever you want . I can just tell you that the masking and crutching that I was doing of who I was trying to fit in with wasn't where I belonged , and that misalignment was what was the gap that I filled today with not drinking . So I'm elective .
Speaker 2I don't believe I was an alcoholic . I don't believe I was a drunk . I don't really care . If you think so , great , call me what you want . I got thick skin , it doesn't matter . But what I do know is I just set out to just take a break , because I knew something had to give , because that was the hamster wheel or the merry-go-round that I was on . It was drink and then get tired and have fun and then work , and then it just it was .
Speaker 2It was just a literal fricking merry-go-round and I got tired of puking . So I said what's one thing that I can , that can shed right now and try . And after 90 days I went , yeah , that sucked , but let's try another 90 days . And then at the end of the , at the end of 180 days , I just didn't want to do it anymore . It was like , wow , wow , this was not easy , but here I am and I want to see what's next . And then I went in full another year and I was tested with the pandemic and that was one hell of a test . So when you make this change , initially it's going to be really hard . And that is God , the universe source , saying how bad do you want it If you can just sit ? That's where the embrace , the suck is . That's where I want you embracing it . It's Kelly . I quit alcohol , I quit weed , I started working out and in the first 20 days I'm sore , I'm irritable . It's exactly what it's supposed to do .
Speaker 2It's worse , it's going to get worse because the universe wants . The universe is testing you because the energy is trying to bring you back . The familiar misery always wants you there . Yes , so they're going to show you how hard you want it . If it were easy and that roadblock wasn't there , everybody would be doing it . So you can embrace the suck during that period and I got a new stuff . It comes back every few years and tests me .
Speaker 2I am in one of the darkest seasons of national technology management's history . We have hit a wall and we are not growing . I could whine and piss and moan and blame it on every single body else . I said I look at me and go OK , what do I have to shed and become ? What do we have to do as a team to become , to ready ourself for the next chapter ? I read in a book recently a business book that they said that in a 10-year period you're going to have six good years , two fantastic years and two horrible years that you have got to weather or they will put you out of business . We are in the middle of our two horrible years . We're not in any danger of going out of business . We are well financially , we , just we , we . And once I get through this , which we're , we're coming up on the final six months we've shed everything and we've started to see the light at the end of the tunnel .
Speaker 2And that's what's happened in my life over and over and over again . I got to see little glimpse of what life was facing it head on . I got glimpses of what my body could look like without any extra sugars that are in the alcohol . I got to glimpses of my relationships and what how much better they could be if I was of sound mind and body all the time , and I liked that person and .
Speaker 2I really love it . And now you , you know , I get to rub elbows with some of the biggest thought leaders in all the world and it's fun , and we're just still getting started . Only , somebody said to me this morning like hey , you do realize you launched this January of last year , right , I was like yeah , but it doesn't feel like that . So I'm 14 , 15 months into this . So I got to realize that be a little bit . God is trying to teach me patience , like there's no tomorrow right now , and I don't like it .
Speaker 1Being patient is very hard , isn't it ?
Speaker 2It is . It's harder than life .
Speaker 1Yes , yes , well , I just real quick , before I get into how people can get in touch with you and stuff , I just want to real quick remind listeners that the crutch that you're talking about like whether it's weed or alcohol , some people may have a crutch . That's not that . The crutch that you're talking about , like whether it's weed or alcohol , some people may have a crutch . That's not that their crutch may be scrolling social media , just being productive with things that aren't really getting them where they want to go . So if you're out there listening and you're like , well , I don't really have any issues with drinking or weed , so I don't really have a crutch , look in your life because there's probably a crutch somewhere in there that you need to address .
Speaker 2Well , there's many other , like you said . It could be TV . It could be , you know , negative friends getting in and being negative Nellies and talking crap about each other . It could be you said it's scrolling . It could be social media . It could be anything that , what we talked about earlier , the avoidance . So you know , listen , look in the mirror and you're going to know . Stop looking out the window , look in the mirror . There's one finger pointing away and three pointing right back at you . You know what it is and if you don't start journaling and something will come up . That's a constant and that's what you need to address . Well , thank you Kelly .
Speaker 2I remember too , by the way I talked , your anxiety . It could be Adderall for your OCD or ADHD . So it there , we all have them . I would tell you , right now I still have a crutch . It's working out , but that's a good one . But even then I I work out seven days a week . I still fit in a few days off . I don't keep going 365 days . So be careful . They're good crutches and they're bad crutches , but either way , if you're not hitting your goals in life it is one of what you're saying the mental , spiritual , emotional , physical and I think when you do all those , the financial will come .
Speaker 1Yeah , no , I totally agree with you and I thank you for your time . I want people , all the listeners I will have in the show notes , all the ways to get in touch with Kelly , but tell us , what are you most on ? Instagram , facebook , both . Where do we find you ? We're on .
Speaker 2Instagram mostly , it's kellysegal.71 . You can go to our website at harder than lifecom . Pick up any merchandise you want . Uh . We're going to be doing that keynote uh in october 10th the ted talk , a lot of stuff going on and we're launching the , the heart of the life uh coaching program . This we're going to go centered around the seagull operating system . So if anybody's interested men or women , they were , I understand both very well . I , I'm very versed in them and I uh , if you DM me coaching on um Instagram , we'll reach back out to you . We're offering a 50% discount right now , uh , for the first hundred people , the inaugural 100 . So come in and say I was one of the first 100 to do this and I'm going to pour into you , get a one-on-one session with me as well , and we have quarterly check-ins because we're going to meet goals . People are going to be healthier , wealthier and happier in this program . I guarantee it .
Speaker 1I absolutely love that and , for those of you listening , I highly encourage you to reach out to Kelly . This sounds like an amazing program and , after reading his book and just getting to meet with him at the event last month where I met him , I promise you you will not regret your time in his coaching program . So , kelly , thank you so much for just taking time out of your busy day and I just appreciate you so much .
Speaker 2I receive all those kind of words and I give them right back to you and I thank you for allowing me on the show .
Speaker 1Absolutely . Thank you for joining us today on the Restoring Hope podcast with your host , me , Deborah Bigdown . It would mean the world to me
Promoting Podcast and Personal Growth
Speaker 1. If you'd like and subscribe to this podcast , Share it with your family and friends , those that you think might benefit from what it is that we've shared today . Follow me on Instagram and Facebook . Check out my website the link is listed below . My prayer for you , my friends , is that you are able to lean into the person that God has truly designed you to be restoring hope for both yourself and all of those around you . Until next week , have an amazing day . Love you all . Can't wait to chat next week .