The Expansionist Podcast

Going Home A Different Way

• Shelly Shepherd and Heather Drake • Season 3 • Episode 2

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A single change of light can restory a whole room—and a whole life. We open the new year inside Epiphany’s gentle glow, trading the harsh glare of judgment for the candlelit mercy that helps us see what’s been true all along: we are held, invited, and free to go home by another route. Shelly and Heather explore how sacred rhythms, awe, and unhurried attention can shift our perspective from scarcity to abundance, from self-critique to compassionate awareness.

We draw on the Magi’s journey as a living pattern: follow the star together, arrive in joy, offer what you carry, and then refuse the old path back to fear or control. That “different way home” speaks to anyone told they don’t belong—including LGBTQ listeners—affirming that home is found where love, not empire, names us. Along the way, we unpack the difference between womb-like rest and harmful darkness, and why curiosity loosens the knot between judgment and certainty.

You’ll hear simple, profound practices: breath prayers to calm the body, lighting a candle to mark sacred attention, stepping outside to recover awe under a night sky, and asking better questions about where your light is coming from in any moment. We invite women especially to claim 2026 as a year of telling a better story—shifting the source of light so beauty, dignity, and hope come into view. We close with a blessing for Epiphany that softens judgment, widens the heart, and teaches us to carry light that is gentle, brave, and generous.

If this conversation brightened something in you, share it with a friend, subscribe for more, and leave a review to help others find the light. For resources and community, visit expansionisttheology.com.

SPEAKER_02:

Welcome to the Expansionist Podcast with Shelly Shepherd and Heather Drake. In each episode, we dive deep into conversations that challenge conventional thinking, amplify diverse voices, and foster a community grounded in wisdom, spirit, and love. Good afternoon, Heather Drake. It's great to see you. Good afternoon, Shelly Shepherd. It's wonderful to be talking with you and podcasting with you in this particular season of Epiphany, where we are playing playing, holding on to the light, looking for the light, reflecting the light. And the illumination that we're looking for is a gentle light, not the glare of a fluorescent or one of those horrible blue LED bulbs. The gentle, beautiful light that draws us closer to spirit.

SPEAKER_00:

The word or the image that came to me as you were just saying that was I I don't know how Richard Ward uh particularly labels or titles the book, something about eternal diamond, or is that is that the title of the book? Do you know what I'm talking about? Immortal diamond. Immortal diamond. But I got this image of of how light refracts and reflects um off of things. And I have this crystal um that hangs on a lampstand in in my living room. And the kitchen door, uh, when the sun is setting, the light comes in and hits that crystal, and it just like expands in the entire room, and it fills the room with different colors and rays and hues. And when you were talking about the reflection of spirit, that's kind of how it is. That's how I see it. I don't know how you see spirit in in our atmosphere or in our space or in your own private ways. But but here we are. We are in this new year, 2026. This is our first podcast in in a few weeks. And what a beautiful way to open this um this year, uh, thinking about light. Um I think that's a beautiful way to begin.

SPEAKER_02:

You have a beautiful prism, and I have rearranged the disco balls in my living room. So at certain times of the day, the ceiling is entirely covered in the prism from the disco ball. And I thought, well, for the rest of the year, I will just chase around that particular light, holding our disco balls so that we can um invite everyone to the party that the light is causing us to into joy. I was thinking about the sacred rhythms that you and I practice and are cultivating in our own lives and the sacred rhythm of following the church calendar or the calendar that reminds us that there is a season of epiphany, there is a season of illumination, there is a season of um redoing, of renovation, of reconnection. And I'm so hopeful. Um, I was reading AD magazine to be inspired by something. And this one particular designer said the very first thing that he does when something is going to be renovated or when he is looking at something is he said, he changes the lighting. He goes in and removes all those horrible light bulbs and puts in these particular things. And he goes, and then you can see all the beauty and all of it where it is. And I was thinking, what if the spirit is inviting us to change the light, to change the way that we have observed things and the the rhythms that the calendar, the sacred calendar give us remind us that it's not for obligation. It's an invitation into abundance, it's an invitation into freedom, it's an invitation to let go of the idea that time is scarce, that we don't have enough of something, but that maybe there is a a pathway, a doorway for us to see the holy in absolutely everything.

SPEAKER_00:

That's a big word that a lot of people may not be familiar with, this word epiphany. So maybe you can help us break that down. Um and this season that follows the 12 days of Christmas, moving us into towards another season, um Ash Wednesday and Lent. So this epiphany of light emerging, possibly leading from the birth of Christ all the way through the transformation or the transcendence of Christ. And and so this word, um, I think starting this word with light, um, starting this podcast with light, and then talking about Epiphany is how how are we like light? How do we bring this light into the world? How do we become points of light or emerge as light in similar ways that that maybe this this baby, this young infant that lived and walked as a human, um uh to bring more light? Like, how do we how do we do that? I know we're gonna we're gonna talk about some of those practices this year, I think, a little bit, but how does this how does this light emerge, particularly in places where it feels really dark right now in our society or in our world? Like how do we how do we do this?

SPEAKER_02:

I think part of it is a slowing down, an intentional uh giving up of the idea of rush or hurry. Friendships cannot be rushed, relationships cannot be rushed, our soul's own growth cannot be rushed. I mean, all these rushing and hurry are ways to forfeit that which is so holy and precious. And so just the idea of that in this season where if we look outside, it's dark so early. We have very little daylight to actually get work done. There is more time to actually rest, to come to hope. I love this season because there is an invitation into the practice of the magi, the caravan of magi who follow this wisdom, this star, and may or may not have been an astrological event, could have been an angel, could have been again, there's many, many speculations on what this is, but the light that led them outward then entered them as they came into worship. When they give the gifts to Mary, gives the gifts to the women, power the women to do these things, the invitation then is that the light is within us. Jesus said this to us you are the light of the world. And so if we allow ourselves the moment, the intentions to go within and find the light that is already there. The light of Christ, this illumination of the way, of the path that is returning us to God, to ourselves, to each other. These practices of, you know, even as intentional as lighting candles, as taking deep breaths, as honoring our own rest. These are ways that the light not only is around us, but embodies us, imbues us with a wisdom that can lead us into deeper truth.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm gonna sit with that for a second. I wonder about a conversation that I had before Christmas with someone I had invited to do something, and she said, Shelly, I'm too flawed for that. I could never do that. As you were talking, I wonder if sometimes our our flaws, our inabilities, our just our own self-understanding or self-worth blocks the light, that we can't see the light, that someone else has to call the light forward and bring the light, and maybe even you know, clear out the residue from you know something that that had been burning there insufficiently for a long time. It's interesting that the light as you and I know it is transformative, it is abundant, it is welcoming, it is open, it's affirming. It feels natural to have the light of the spirit speak to us or walk with us or journey with us. And for some people, it it is the direct opposite of that. And so how how do we we guide others in into seeing the light within them? You mentioned the light is within. We believe um in the um in the gospel of of Mary, that the good is within, that her gospel was about teaching us that it sits there, that it's that it's always been there, that that there is no there is no darkness there.

SPEAKER_02:

It also goes back to Genesis in that idea of there's that original blessing that we are made in the image of the divine. God is love, God is light. And in this light and in this love, we are image bearers. And though we may have covered it up, we may have, you know, some of the the light that is covered in us has nothing to do with us, has more to do with what others have done and what uh we have experienced just by living in this world that is full of dark darkness. There's a there's a good darkness that allows us to rest, that is womb-like, and then there is a darkness that terrifies us and that holds all kinds of evil. And so when you and I are talking about the rest that comes in darkness, it is that womb-like understanding of presence, of returning to the earth, of a seed being put in the soil, um, understanding that it stays in that dark place until the light calls it forward. And then that growth is inevitable. And the same is true for us in understanding this consent to the Holy Spirit. This we see in the practice of Mary, but consenting to the work of spirit is not always a flashy thing. It is, in fact, very often a stilling, it is a quieting, it is a hushing. And in these still places, an invitation into more of God, into more of the goodness that is already within us. It's a remembering of who we are. We are ones dearly loved by God. We are ones whole and holy because of God's love. We are ones thought of before the foundation of the world. We are ones. I love the idea that we see the stars because of the darkness. You know, it is that darkness that is the backdrop for us to be able to see these incredible illuminations. And so embracing darkness, or not judging it at least, and allowing ourselves to follow the light. I think that's really what Epiphany holds for us. It also reminds us that when they saw the star, they rejoiced with exceeding great joy. That joy often leads us to the light where we find joy in our life, where we find beauty in our life, it leads us to light and we can trust the beauty. We can trust joy.

SPEAKER_00:

You mentioned the word uh non-judgment. I you may have said judgment or non-judgment, but it caught my attention on um this particular conversation of how, you know, seeing our flaws or shortcomings or setbacks that we've had individually in learning to not judge ourselves. Instead of jumping into a space where um we agree with whatever voice, whatever voice is telling us that we're unworthy or we're flawed or we're not good enough, or you know, whatever, whatever the critic in in our ear is trying to communicate, we often want to listen to that noise instead of the voice. I'm not sure why.

SPEAKER_02:

Because we've been practiced, because that's the voice that we're trained to listen to, the voice of judgment, our own judgment against ourselves, you know, even what we've learned through religion of God, that it is judgment instead of love that God is, you know, and and so this invitation into compassionate awareness, into curiosity, into slowing instead of immediately going to the judgment. I think that judgment and certainty are really tied so closely together, they're knotted together. In fact, I don't think that if any of us released certainty that we could essentially, well, with any confidence, judge anything. And I think that the invitation is to release both of those things. The scripture tells us that God says it's you can't judge because you can't know everything. So since you can't know everything, do not judge. And somehow we got wrapped up into something else where we're judging uncertainty were the things that we felt most confidence by. We felt authority in.

SPEAKER_00:

We've talked about on previous podcasts about telling a better story. And perhaps telling learning to tell a better story begins with these sorts of practices, these sorts of ways of um removing old stories, old habits, old ways of thinking that that no longer allow us to see the light that was birthed in us from the beginning. Um I wonder if 2026 could be um the shaping of how we tell a better story. Like these are actually the ways that we tell a better story. Well, part of the way less judgment.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, that we learn how to do that is we have the capacity to change the story, to change the narration. Absolutely we do.

SPEAKER_00:

But we have the capacity, but we have the freedom. Sometimes as women, you know, we're we're afraid to change the story, or we're in a context where we can't we can't just uproot ourselves and you know, and go off and tell this better story because wow, we know what happened to those women.

SPEAKER_02:

But perhaps we can tell ourselves a better story, even if we are and find ourselves in places where we maybe can't speak that truth out loud at this particular time. But I'm thinking it is time, it is time. 2026, it is the time for women to start telling a better story. It is a time for us to be able to say what is a better story, and how do we awaken our own spirit to the murmuring of the Holy Spirit that tells us wake up, stop rehashing this nightmare. Join, yeah, join the light and the chorus of holy words that are telling us there is freedom in compassionate awareness, in belovedness. There is freedom in giving up stories of self-harm and and of rehearsing our flaws instead of our beauty, rehearsing those things that keep us trapped instead of going, where is the joy? Where is where is the light here going to show something that I've been rushing past? And that slowing and that invitation into breath prayers, you know, listening to the spirit, returning to our own breath. There's so much wisdom in that, in following our breath. We want to pause and take a moment and let you know how glad we are that you've joined us. If you're enjoying this podcast, consider sharing it with a friend. And if you found the conversation intriguing and want to know more about what we're learning or how you can join our online community, visit our website at expansionisttheology.com.

SPEAKER_00:

This is why I think I think part of the work this this year on on this particular channel is is to outline some of these ways that you you just freely talk about like you named like 10 practices already in the world.

SPEAKER_01:

I just freely talk about it all. Willy doesn't mean anyone can have it. Anyone, anyone at all. You have no money coming by. I think these are already things that the prophets I've spoken about. They're not new here.

SPEAKER_00:

They're they're not new, but they are new. Um, because mercy is new every morning. Um grace is new every morning. And I and I believe that at least in the world that I observe most of the time, is we're looking for a different us. We're looking for a different me. There's something about ourselves that we wish we could change, we wish didn't exist, we wish uh we could do over, or I mean, I've even heard you talk about your friend wishes that she had, you know, blonde hair or red hair or whatever hair. Um so we we grow up in these in these ways where we see ourselves without compassion, with judgment.

SPEAKER_02:

And the invitation of Epiphany is to change the source, to change the light. Where we have these horrible blue fluorescent lights that make everyone look ghostly and a hundred years older, the light of the flame of Christ. Do you know everyone looks so beautiful in candlelight? You know, this idea of changing the light allows us to see, and not just others, but to see ourselves differently. We have the capacity to change our minds, to tell another story. And it is not a way of diminishing or ignoring, but it is a way of relocating the source, relocating where we're telling things from, to tell a story from the point of hope, to tell a story from. I mean, I think this is the practice of Christianity as it's meant to be. You know, that's a bold statement. But we're to be people of the story of hope. We're Easter people. Alleluia is our song. Like death doesn't have the final word. One day every sad thing will be untrue. And so to say, I'm changing the point, the light in the story. I'm retelling the story I tell about myself or about others or about the life that I'm gifted to live, to give up stories of lack and of less than, and enter into the abundance that Epiphany draws us into. Oh, this is the good news. This is the good news. There's a different way of living.

SPEAKER_00:

What is the power of epiphany? Epiphany that you're talking about. What do you explain that a little bit? Break that, break that out and open it. This power of Epiphany, this light. Like, how is this light? We we we understand that this light is from Christ. That this is a season. But how is Epiphany light different than the light in Lent? Or the light in Christmas or the light in ordinary time? Is there a difference or is it a continuation of a circle of life that that forms light around it? Um like I'm trying to I'm trying to break this out in a way that I that I could actually teach it to somebody uh because I think in our hearts and spirits, you and I have been very close to what uh spirit has been um crafting in our in our own lives for years, but somebody that's new that has never heard about this light. How is this light different? Or is it the same light?

SPEAKER_02:

I suspect it's the same light, the light of Christ, the light since the very beginning, when God first speaks, let there be, and light was. It is that very first, and I think that Epiphany is returning to something. It is a manifestation, it is an awareness, and it is a waking up. So it is not an origin of the light, but it is a different awareness or a pausing, a slowing so that we can see it. But what does the light do? The light invites us to journey. The light invites us to leave the wisdom that we have and follow a different path. The light invites us to be led by angels to go to a different, um, a different place. The light of Epiphany then requires a doing. The whole Magi journey is this beautiful story of they saw the light as important, they caravanned together, they journeyed together, they follow the light. When the light stands outside the house and they enter the house, it is an eruption of devoted worship. In a lot of the text, it says that it's ecstatic joy. Sometimes it says unrestrained joy, but in this joy, there is a giving. In this joy, it is not a mental ascent. It is not a, I just did it on my cell phone, you know, traveled to this one place. You and I both know that traveling to another country is not the same as watching it on your iPhone. That it is the, it is the sweat, it is the aching of your legs, it is the uncomfortable uh train. It is all of the things that the journey offers us that brings us to this destination, to this place of realization. The Christ. Mary sits with the baby and they offer the gifts, and an angel shows up and says, Don't go home the same way. That's right. So the epiphany story for me is we are all headed home, but it's not gonna be the same way. So maybe if the way home you've been taking is one of fear or is one of control, then the way home might be one of joy and one of presence. Whatever the way home is that you thought that you were gonna take, open yourself up to the spirit who might speak to you in a dream and say, you'll go home, but it won't be the same route.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, that's a beautiful part of that story that I appreciate very much. Um particularly for LGBTQ folks who who maybe were told that they they don't even belong. Home is a very, very different place. And getting to home is a very, very different way. And so I did sit with that um on Sunday thinking about how that must have felt to them to the three three kings to not go back to Herod and and share the news of where the Christ child was. Like they knew they knew better than to do that.

SPEAKER_02:

I think that story is so incredible. It talks about resistance of empire, it talks about journeying outside of the places that we know, it talks about following the spirit, and it the story culminates in the image of Mary and Jesus, in this beautiful understanding that then the light that they have followed is now within them. And the angel that speaks and tells them, you'll go home a different way. I appreciate what you offered to us, the invitation that sometimes the places that have been the most dangerous for us, the most harmful, are ones that people call home. And home for us, at least in our understanding of what home is, home is returning to love, returning to God, returning not to the God who judges and who is angry with us, but a return to the God that God's self gets to illuminate to us. A place of peace, a place of knowing. How does the star dust actually get inside of our bones? A place of returning, a place of coming back to the very source, the words that said, let there be. And in that allowing, in the letting, what does that look like for people to allow themselves to be who they really are? Allowing themselves to be who God in God's goodness and in God's creativeness made an expansive variation. I one of the practices you and I have talked about, we'll come up with some practices and or talk about them, some ancient practices, but I cannot think of a better one than looking at the stars, spending time outside, how it gives us an appropriate smallness, but also inspires us and reminds us of awe. A-W-E, this idea that we need more awe in our life, more of the things to wonder and be excited about, to stand before and go, incredible. And we do that in nature, before stars, before mountains, but what about in our own mind when we consider ourselves? Incredible. How awesome it is that we are here in the presence of each other, in the presence of nature, in the presence of God in everything and everyone, and practicing these things. I think this is the Epiphany. Epiphany offers to us a time to practice changing our perspective. Where is your source of light? We have an odd-shaped window in our dressing room, and I would say odd-shaped because it is very, very long and very narrow. And I put on my makeup there, and very often, in order to put on my makeup, I change the lighting. I turn lights off and bring light in from another corner so that I can see appropriately. And what I judge is appropriately is I'd like to be able to have the eyeliner just stay on my eye lid and not be all over. And I think very often the source of our life, the point of life. In fact, if you're painting or if you're taking a photograph or arranging something, it's important to notice where the light is coming from. Yes, absolutely. How to position things, how to appreciate things. I was in someone's garden the other day and I was saying how beautiful it was. And they said, Can you come back at four o'clock? I'm like, I really can't. They're like, but you have to see this in the four o'clock light.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes.

SPEAKER_02:

And I was thinking, well, can we come back to this? Like when we're struggling with something, can we come back and see it in a different light? Even when it's good, can we come back and see it in a better light? Even if you don't have any struggles in your life and everything's perfect, is it possible that there's an even better light, that there's more beauty to behold?

SPEAKER_00:

I know you're you're you're on this roll of really expanding, expanding the light right now. Uh and I love this, and it's beautiful. And the things that I'm hearing, I hope that um others will hear as as they listen to this, and maybe use this season of Epiphany to see the light in themselves and to see the light in each other and to call that light uh forward. Um, they may not see God or spirit or Sophia or wisdom right away. They may not see that in the light right away. But but my hope is that is that they begin to see the light in themselves and that they can see it in others and call that forth. I think in in our times and in and in our society right now where things feel like they they may be closing in and and darkness is just like an arm's length away sometimes, that we can we can help others see the light. Um, so thank you for for that expansive uh verse and chorus that you just gave us. And also, I think maybe we've talked about this before, but I wonder if we can bring in a future conversation this these practices of awakening and attuning like that that might also be a way for us to see this deeper movement of spirit, um, to be awakened enough to see light in ourselves and to others. And so maybe that's a practice that we can add um sometime this year going forward. But this has been just a marvelous time. Great to see you here at the beginning of 2026 and um to be sharing this these these moments of light with you. Thank you for this. It's my joy.

SPEAKER_02:

I want to um wrap up today with a prayer that I wrote for our congregation for Epiphany. Beloved ones, in the season of Epiphany, we turn our faces toward the light that has always been turning toward us. Light of Christ, not the harsh glare that exposes in shame, but the holy illumination that reveals with mercy. Come, touch the places in us that have grown weary of hoping. Warm the corners of our vision where fear has narrowed what we thought was possible. Change our perspective, O gentle radiance, where we have seen only endings, teach us to notice the doorways, where we have marked the dark as absence, teach us to recognize it as womb. Let your light restory our seeing until even our wounds begin to glow with wisdom. Beloved Christ, be peace in our breathing, peace in our unlearning, peace in the long work of becoming, still the inner storms that blur our sight, anchor us in the quiet knowing that we are held even when the path is not yet clear. In this epiphany light, illuminate not just our way forward but our way inward, that we may remember who we are and whose we are. Let your loving presence soften our judgment, loosen our clenched certainties, and widen our hearts enough to receive joy without fear. And may we follow your light, not because we have all the answers, but because love has called us by name. And may that love become the light we carry, gentle, brave, and generous, into a world still learning how to see.

unknown:

Amen.

SPEAKER_02:

It was our joy to have you listen to our conversation today. If you would like further information or for more content, visit us at expansionisttheology.com.