The LionessDen
Hello and welcome to our new podcast The Lioness Den. Where we have created a safe space for adults to express themselves.
The Lioness Den was created for women by women to express every aspect of life. We are here to discuss All things we are feeling about life, but also add a males point of view. Our podcast is in no way to bash men but to bring enlighment to our feelings on subject matters like dating, single setting, dating, sex, self love, business, travel etc.
I’m so excited that you have chosen to share your thoughts, stories, ideas, & more with the Lioness Den. I look forward to working with you and making podcast memories.
The LionessDen
Healing Hearts: Navigating the Journey of Rebound Relationships, Self-Discovery, and Emotional Renewal
Ever found yourself leaping from one love affair to another, barely taking a breath in between? Join me, Phoenix Vuitton, as we embark on a heartfelt discourse about the whirlwind of post-breakup behaviors and the hidden truths of rebound relationships. In our latest podcast episode, we tear down the facade of social media perfection and the 'out of sight, out of mind' approach some take after a split. We're blatantly honest about our own escapades and the fight against the clock to find a new partner, questioning whether a quick rebound reveals more profound issues.
Navigating the waves of loss and renewal in love can feel like a solitary trek, but it's a path many wander. Our conversation delves into the stages of grief post-breakup, where emotions run the gamut from despair to anger, before reaching a place of healing. We contemplate the transformation of self that often accompanies the dissolution of a partnership, and the profound realization that independence can be both liberating and daunting. Whether it's you or someone you know, we've all wrestled with the question of when to move on and how to do it with grace, taking the lessons of love forward.
In the realm of relationships, self-discovery is an odyssey that doesn't end when the kids leave the nest or when the ring comes off. We probe the complexities of maintaining one's identity, and how past advice from mentors has shaped our approach to personal connections. From the possibilities and pitfalls of friendship with exes to the anticipation of our 'Velvet Rope After Dark' series, this episode peels back the layers of emotional intimacy and self-awareness. So, let's join forces in untangling the beautiful mess of relationships, healing, and embarking on adventures of the heart.
Hey you guys, welcome to the lioness den. This is Dreena, aka Dreena baby on IG. I'm here with Lizlysssolies.
Speaker 3:Hey, it's Phoenix Vuitton. You can follow me on Instagram Phoenix underscore Vuitton and TikTok Phoenix Vuitton.
Speaker 4:And it's the one and only big motherfucking mage.
Speaker 1:You guys make sure y'all follow us. Everybody just gave their IG names and make sure you tune in. Live with us at the lioness den on IG 2023. Once again, today our topic, excuse me, is gonna be why do people leave relationships so quick or I mean long relationship or whatever and then bounce back and go right to another person? So basically, hopping from relationship to relationship. That's our topic today. So I'm gonna let Phoenix start this, cause he gave us this awesome idea. So, yeah, tell us. What do you think this? Why do you think people go from relationship, relationships and just Girl, you know, honestly, I don't know.
Speaker 3:To be honest, it's funny how you see people being in a relationship out of nowhere when you think you've known them for so long, but then they keep this person on the hush hush in a back pocket. Then you look on their Instagram or Facebook like, oh surprise, I'm in a relationship. But you're like we just went out last night, how are you in a relationship? All of a sudden. And then a month later they done scrubbed their Instagram social media clean of all those pictures. They done took videos is gone. All of a sudden they sing. It was like well, what happened? What's going on? And they always make up some made up ass story. Oh, we was fighting, he used to abuse me. Oh, it was like girl, stop, just stop. If you lonely, go get Bob a battery operated boy for you, bob ain't gonna do your own.
Speaker 1:I ain't gonna lie on social media. You do see that a lot.
Speaker 3:A lot.
Speaker 1:Okay, so we're kind of in the older bracket of dating the new generation. You're right, that's what I'm saying. This new generation, is that what it is Like? It's just.
Speaker 2:I personally feel like whenever I've been in a relationship, I have had my time. I haven't personally bounced to another relationship, but I have had my time to go mingle and talk to somebody else, if that makes sense. I wouldn't say I was in a full relationship, but I definitely was like I don't wanna be at home sad shit. Who wants to do? I'm sorry, I'm not too good, oh okay, but I don't wanna be at home sad. So not to be everyone's different, but I personally feel like for me I like to go out on a little date. I don't even have to fuck nobody, I just wanna go out and just have a little time and get my mind off of it.
Speaker 4:But if I fuck, I fuck, but at the end of the day I'm going to yeah, but I feel like that helps me, because after that date, I'm going to get over your ass quick. Yeah, and I feel the same. If I gotta sit on a motherfucking peeter to forget about Paul, and that makes me feel good and mind my what, what, what Then I'm gonna do that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm gonna say I'm a sad ass, depressed ass bitch. I'm not gonna lie. I feel like personally, I feel like personally I get sad, but to get over it I just go out have a little fun. I might fuck if I want to, but if not I just wanna go out and just have some fun and have somebody show me a good time, because this dude obviously didn't show me nothing and I don't like that shit.
Speaker 4:And that's why his ass got left, because I just have a nigga who ain't got no motherfucking ambitions, no, nothing.
Speaker 2:Okay, exactly.
Speaker 4:He said you money-hungry. And I said when you ain't money-hungry enough?
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, well, and that's the thing. I get what you're saying, but most people don't even give it that.
Speaker 2:Yeah. You know, they just leave that relationship and then they're in a whole relationship with somebody else and it's like, like, I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have a baby by you, but it's like you just got out of a relationship a week ago.
Speaker 1:let it really go. And for me and that's the hardest thing for me is getting loyalty. Like the loyalty part, like of getting to know somebody, getting them in your personal space, like that takes a lot. You give what I'm saying.
Speaker 4:Your time, yeah, and that takes a lot Years.
Speaker 1:So for you to just be with somebody for. It's like an investment that went bad. But for you to be with somebody this amount of time and then all of a sudden you're just like, okay, I'm over it, and then you just go to somebody else and you're doing that same thing, like that's not even love.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I feel like whenever you do that, I feel like at the end of the day, I feel like somebody is kind of searching for like I don't know, I can't speak for everybody, but I personally want to go jump into another relationship, be like I love you, I want to be with you, I want to marry you. But I might go have some fun, but I won't do that because I feel like if you're looking for another relationship, something's wrong with you. You need to work on yourself mentally, physically, like everything around you. You need to work on yourself because obviously something's not going right with all these 10 relationships that you bounce in in the matter of a week. You need to figure something out. But I'm not judging nobody, but personally, for me, I wouldn't get another relationship.
Speaker 4:I wouldn't get another relationship. I will just have a great time like I am right now. I'm fine, just chill, yeah, no strength attached to nothing. So basically, you guys are, everything is a go.
Speaker 1:So let me ask you all this question. So I heard y'all saying you know I might go out and I might have sex. You know, fuck it like that's what I want to do.
Speaker 4:So don't, forget about Paul.
Speaker 1:Hold on. So are you saying like that's something easy for you to do and it's no emotional?
Speaker 4:Well, sex is so common.
Speaker 1:Wait. So it's no emotionally attachment to that.
Speaker 3:No.
Speaker 1:Or emotionally, attachment comes from actually getting to know somebody versus just sleeping with them, and you know.
Speaker 4:I mean, I honestly feel like if you want to fuck somebody, sex is sex, and now when you get attached to somebody, that's your person. Like I got to like him. He wouldn't feel good. But you just probably want to just bust a nut right now or you probably just want to get your rocks off. But they say yeah, for me.
Speaker 2:I was gonna say I feel like, I feel like it's a mind thing, so I feel like I can't have sex with somebody and I could do it just having a sign and not be attached, right yeah? But I feel like I can also take it in a certain way. But I don't know. I feel like I don't take sex and I know it's supposed to be like a intimate, like you're switching things, Like I know it's supposed to be a very serious thing?
Speaker 4:No, no, no. So there's making love and there's fucking.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, there's a difference Tonight we fuck.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I might want to make love to this day and tomorrow, and it's very rare for somebody to make love half the time, it's just fucking.
Speaker 2:It's very rare, exactly, but I'm not saying again, I'll always, but whenever I just first need somebody again then we thought we was in love, making love, and we were just fucking.
Speaker 4:So what's the difference, actually, at one point? Is it that you got emotions involved with this person, or there's no emotions and you're just having?
Speaker 3:Because it's like back in the day, it's like you can go to the club, y'all having a good time. You meet somebody, you go back to their place, they go back to your place, they'll see me again. You know I done that so many times. You know you boom, boom, hit it, quit it 20 sums, five sums but then after a while they ask you. It's like, oh, so when are we gonna hook up again?
Speaker 4:Oh, never mind, I was just watching, but I feel like that's where communication comes in.
Speaker 2:Like you know, we're just hanging out, we're just doing this. Like you know, I don't know, I feel like it just comes like with communication. Like you know, like I feel like people talk. I always I talk before I do stuff. Like you know, I'm going through something. I don't want nothing right now. If we do end up doing something, I'm gonna do just that. But it's just a communication thing. It just depends, you know.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and plus you know. The other thing is people don't realize there's different types of intimacy as well. It's like stimulate me mentally.
Speaker 1:That's how I was just about to say so. For me, like now, at the age I am, maybe when I was younger I was a bit more spontaneous, but for me I just don't. I can't just have sex.
Speaker 4:You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:It has to be meaningful.
Speaker 4:You want to talk to me.
Speaker 1:It has to have a purpose you know, it.
Speaker 2:yeah, like you said, mentally, mentally stimulate me and I will genuinely say not even trying to put my business out there but I did recently just have some meaningless sex, which it was fun at the end of the day.
Speaker 1:But it was.
Speaker 2:I realized it, it's like you know, like I thought it was gonna be more fun and I thought like I could go like, okay, I'm gonna go have a little fun.
Speaker 4:And it wasn't. I was expected yeah it was good.
Speaker 2:I'm not gonna say that.
Speaker 4:It was good, but it wasn't great.
Speaker 2:Hold on, it was good, but I feel like, even though I'm 25 and like I am young, I still feel like I'm at the age like where I don't want to just be running around, like I want to try to find something, to build something to somebody.
Speaker 4:Fuck that. I want to see them nowadays. Fuck all that. Well, that's my opinion. I wasn't done, but yeah, I want to be a little red. I'm gonna be for the streets. Good for you.
Speaker 2:everyone's at their time, but I feel like when I tried that meaningless sex again. I don't like that. I did that multiple times. I did that. See, I was the person who was in relationships.
Speaker 4:Then I would be single for a year and a half. Then I would meet a person and then it's like long term relationships. Then I'll break up and I was like faithful person. Let me make sure I don't cheat. I don't go out with what you don't like. I'm not gonna do. I'm gonna cook, I'm gonna clean, I'm gonna make sure that my person's happy. Fuck that.
Speaker 2:And I don't care about none of that, they'll stick right outside.
Speaker 4:You know what makes me happy my motherfucking paycheck.
Speaker 2:I get all the money in my piece.
Speaker 4:I want to travel, I want to go out of state. I want to fuck random people when I want to fuck them because I can, and that's just that.
Speaker 1:That's how fresh you're living. You're definitely off of fresh break up 30s, almost 30.
Speaker 4:I might be 35 and a month and a half. I'm about to run around like a hellcat. They fill me up and drive me.
Speaker 3:Just be responsible, please, oh, my God.
Speaker 1:You out here? Sheesh, somebody pissed him off. Yeah, for real, I'm just how these things are. I'm just not running around, I be doing too much.
Speaker 3:Oh my, I'm literally out there.
Speaker 2:I don't cheat, I don't do shit, but I'm going everything now and that's what I don't like about being in a relationship, because I feel like I'm very faithful and very. Whatever I don't want done to me, I don't do and I don't like that. People can't reciprocate that, but I have to realize also people are people.
Speaker 4:But also my generation isn't easier. I know how I get in my feelings here, so I'd rather you hurt me with the truth than with the lie. But I what I didn't want to be hurt with. I expected my focus not to hurt me with you.
Speaker 2:But, yeah, you can't expect what you can expect unless you just unless you expect hurt, you can't have no expectations of people. Basically, you can't expect nothing of people are going to be let down because people don't have no experience. People are just black. Look what we live at.
Speaker 4:We're in a city of sins Like we're fucking Vegas. Everybody know everybody Fucking everybody, Everybody. Every time I go in a store I see somebody.
Speaker 2:I that's why I don't have expectations of people. No more family, friends, relationships, nothing because you let down.
Speaker 1:And well, this is the thing when you learn somebody and you know their ways and then showed you plenty of times how their ways are, you accept it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Once you accept it, then there's nothing they can do to hurt you, because you already know how that person is. You're not going into nothing expecting nothing or nothing. So you can't get disappointed because I already knew you was this way and I accepted that a long time ago. That's why we're still friends, you know. So that's totally correct, accurate. But one more question what do you feel like is a good length of time to give yourself time to heal, to like actually go and be involved in a whole when you want to start.
Speaker 4:At what? Who you started with me, I'm going to get you last.
Speaker 1:I'm going to get you last because I know you're going to take him in and meet you, phoenix.
Speaker 3:I think it just depends. It depends on the person for one, but then it also depends on how long were they in a relationship. Now, if you want a relationship for a few months child, take a month, you'll be good. But when you put years into it, sometimes it's like grieving. There is a timeframe but then there's not. You know, if you've been in a relationship for five, 10 years, baby, take a year, take two years to get yourself together.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because I feel like there's a time for like sadness, anger, then like realizing like they're actually healing yourself.
Speaker 3:Because, when you go out there, your guard is going to be up tremendously.
Speaker 2:And people can even see that. People will meet you and be like what's wrong with you and you'll take those toxic traits to your next relationship, right Don't take it, leave it, and I think that before.
Speaker 4:That's why I realized from that you really have to sit back and realize, like I am really that motherfucking person.
Speaker 2:But sometimes, sometimes you don't be that motherfucking, but sometimes people still need to sit back and realize that you might not have done anything wrong. But maybe, like you were like a little like that definitely takes time to aggressive or to something or relationship. My last relationship I was only in it for a year, but I felt like I was very invested into it, Like I felt like I was in it for like two years, if that makes sense yeah, but I was very like into it. But I can say that.
Speaker 1:I didn't mean to come off. Hold on real quick.
Speaker 2:I didn't mean to come off in like a um, um, what's the word Like? I didn't mean to come off in like a um, overbearing way, but I just I love hard. Like whenever I love, I you got all of me and like I'm going to do whatever I'm over, but I will give everything to you and like that's just how I am. I love very hard. So I feel like whenever I do that that's where everything's wrong, because the person that I was with though that's the problem they weren't ready for that type of love. You feel me.
Speaker 2:So that's where the relationship went wrong. Like it came over off to him as overbearing, but I just genuinely love you so much and like I love you, I love your, I love everything about you. So it comes off weird, but it's like it's in a good way. You know, at the end of the day, like it's just like. Sometimes, like, even though I didn't do anything wrong in the relationship, I still had to realize where I came off wrong, because like he wasn't ready for that and like I had to like, kind of, I should have read him a little bit more, I should have known him a little bit more, but I'm just so into myself and into my love. I'm like what's wrong with you, like why aren't you loving me? But it's like obviously he doesn't, he doesn't, he's not ready for that. But like, not, like it's my responsibility, he should have communicated, been honest. But sometimes you might not try to be overbearing because I was coming from a good point of view but it came off overbearing because I love so hard.
Speaker 3:So that's the thing, too, people forget. When you're in a relationship, you have to take account of your feelings and theirs too. You have to look at it from both sides of the coin, so you got to.
Speaker 4:Quick little funny story. So I travel a lot. Well, I used to travel a lot and then. So I travel a lot. So my sister would say well, just recently she was saying you know what, when we go to town, you are the problem now and cause I'm ready to go home. But that's because you know why I had a partner. It makes sense. Yeah, I was worried about getting back home, making sure he okay, making sure everything's good at the house.
Speaker 4:That shit is out. Fuck that, never again. Yeah, I think I get what you're saying, but that's I mean. It makes sense, right, like you, you go out of town for seven days and then after that seven day you like, okay, I got shit at home, I got my man at home.
Speaker 3:I didn't have to realize when I was just on this, last time I had a man.
Speaker 1:I was like you know what I always feel? Like I got a rush home and I'm like okay, wait, my kids are like really grown, like for real grown Right. My, I'm okay, you know, I know my house is being watched after and I was like I'm not coming home and I end up staying for like an extra week Because I'm like I'm worried about.
Speaker 4:I'm not worried about what I'm about to tell you, but like did I fucking cut the air off Because that power bill about to be a high is?
Speaker 1:And then I just got invited out of town and I'm like I'm going, why? Why not go? Any chance I get to go somewhere? I'm going because I'm single.
Speaker 4:And then I do all that. I get back home, I come home, I see him and then I'm over it. I'm over it, I'm like okay.
Speaker 3:And see, the other thing is too when you're single, you have to remember to put yourself first, because I've always been the type where I put my feelings aside.
Speaker 4:Somebody else feelings. When I say someone else Feelings, told me he's gonna he. My boss told me some real shit he gonna say because he said he's the same thing, but my boss told me, fuck that. Don't come to say nobody else feelings. Speak your mind, be who you are, speak your truth and if they fuck with you, they fuck with you.
Speaker 2:They don't they don't, and that's why so many people, even more now, fuck with me the way they fuck with me, because it's not even Like if you're gonna fuck with me, that's how you're gonna fuck with me shout out to my boss, because my boss, and that's the thing I thought people should come into like a relationship or like a situation shit. Whatever, it is more honest like yeah we don't even got to be dating, but like, just come in honest and no matter what you're gonna do, respect you, so yeah and just be honest with what you're looking for, what you are and who you are.
Speaker 1:Yeah, this, this is what's going on, and give me the option to say you know what?
Speaker 4:I always said that, like bitch, give me the option to say you know what I'm cool with yada, yada, yada, yada and and Smooth selling but not even in relations to, but friendships as well.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I just read this post earlier today and said Fuck them the time and then whack ass memories if you, if I feel like you're suspecting me I'm cutting your ass off, not like in those words, but basically what he was saying was like fuck those memories in that that period of time ten years, twelve years in those memories, like, if your Energy off, bitch, I gotta leave you where you at like, because energy is so important, like my energy in my home. It's so important to me, like I'm very selective who comes in, put in this motherfucker, who comes over to my shit, who I invite because that shit will wear and tear, and but the funny thing is like I was worried about that energy and I'm laying up with the wrong energy.
Speaker 1:That's all just about to tell you, so I'm at extra. So, like how some people can't be by themselves, do you guys think it's because they're not comfortable with themselves? Like, why do you think people Can't be?
Speaker 2:in oh yeah, why do you?
Speaker 1:think people just can't be by themselves. Like do you?
Speaker 4:think sometimes I feel like it's when you are around a person so long and You're just used to being there like shit can be totally off, but you just used to that person being there like you use to the time, and you you want them there and y'all probably want to be in a great space.
Speaker 2:I Feel like this email you forget I'm gonna lie.
Speaker 1:I Said why do you think people can't Comfortable being by themselves?
Speaker 2:personally, I feel like I learned how to be comfortable myself. I could go to a movie by myself. I could go on lunch by myself. I could go do anything by myself. But when I say wait, wait, wait, when I say other people can't do that by themselves, because I feel like there's something inside of them that they Cannot when I say be by themselves, I'm saying like after a relationship, like. I leave that relationship.
Speaker 1:They go from another relationship and they have to go like why?
Speaker 4:just something. Because they're getting that, you're jumping into Another relationship because you try to not think about the last person you was with and that's the. That's the wrong thing for anybody to. Just speaking from experience, I mean, I've done that Maybe twice. I just I'm broke, I wasn't body and then I was in a whole new relationship and then that shit will last maybe almost a year and then like I feel like in relationship there's like a lot of lust, so I thought you have to get past the last stage first.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because you like get captured.
Speaker 4:Y'all.
Speaker 2:I have to see people on their sad, mad, happy, depressed, yeah, like every time, I can know if I really want to deal so you jump in a relationship because in the beginning, like it's so exciting, like you guys know each other.
Speaker 4:Which I really I shouldn't comment. You really ain't got shit in your mouth.
Speaker 2:I feel like you can, but I feel like no one's really openly expressing themselves much as they should by getting deep, because nobody's really telling the whole truth about what's been going on, and it's not even that.
Speaker 4:Yeah, oh God blah. Within time you'll really see that person.
Speaker 2:Now, people are a lot of yes, time is what hold on Time, I feel, shows everything A true person, yeah, yeah, you know, at the weekdays you don't really want to go through all those days at first to be able to see how people are, exactly Because you don't get true colors a lot and actually not even that, just actually getting to know someone.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you don't even know about, like you say, true colors and all that stuff. But a lot of times people will show us these things, but at the beginning of the season, you need a whole year.
Speaker 4:We need a whole year to figure out. We're so in love that we don't even pay attention to it, you get what I'm saying we get, they're called and then no, no, we see it, but we don't want to see it.
Speaker 1:It's called the red flags.
Speaker 4:We see what the fuck is going on, but you don't want to believe what's going on.
Speaker 1:No, it ain't that you don't want to believe, it's just you're in that first lovable, first stage.
Speaker 2:So we're eating it. People show you like, oh, this is the red flag. You're like, okay, bye.
Speaker 3:Like you don't see it Because see the thing is what people always seem to forget when you're in a relationship for years, you start to lose yourself. You forget who you were before that relationship because you've molded yourself to fit their needs and then you want to mold yourself to always make sure that other person's okay. I'll worry about me later. But then the reason why people don't take time after relationships is because sometimes, where they can't be by themselves, they're kind of like trying to feel that void of maybe an empty father or a mother not being there or some pain. They're just trying to feel that void that they can never feel. And, like you said, it's okay to be by yourself.
Speaker 4:I'm not with that. It hurt people.
Speaker 3:It hurt people's shit Fuck that Well, no, don't hurt them, don't hurt me.
Speaker 1:You've traumatized your childhood, but that's where that comes from, when we were just talking about earlier. You're giving them saying you're not giving yourself time to heal, so you're taking all that old boxed up stuff that's been happening from your last relationship and you're bringing all that negative energy over you and that's why sometimes after a relationship, it takes time.
Speaker 2:It might take some months, it might take some years. You never know. It just depends on you and how much you were into the relationship and how you love. Everyone's different, you know, because I'm not going to lie. I personally feel like I was only in a relationship for like a year and like some months, but I felt like that was a lot and like I gave my all I was ready to literally be, married.
Speaker 1:I was ready to have a baby. I was ready to do everything.
Speaker 2:I'm not getting none of that and I honestly, at the beginning of the relationship too, I said I know that you're a little younger. I was only like 23 and he was like 21, which we're not that far off. But I've already had my party staging. I very much had party and had my little fun. So I gave him the opportunity.
Speaker 1:I said hey are you ready for this?
Speaker 2:relationship or like do you like want to just like you know, like we could just be friends and just do what we do? Let's just fuck.
Speaker 4:But not even if we just fuck, but just being real, like I'm trying to be so focused, hang out and have a good time.
Speaker 2:Yeah. But, just like let's just see where it goes. Let's just like hang out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, take your time. And he was so persistent on saying no like.
Speaker 2:I want to be with you. I want to be with you and I was like, are you sure?
Speaker 2:Because I'm serious Like I. If I'm in a relationship, I'm serious. And then it just turned out to be not that and at the end of the relationship I was the problem when I really wasn't, but I was, if that makes sense, Like I was overbearing, but it wasn't a good way because I love so hard, but he just wasn't ready for that. But he made it seem like he was whenever. All you had to do is be honest whenever I asked you at the beginning of the relationship.
Speaker 4:But like the relationship, like I was before I started dating him, I was already single for like a year because I had just broke up with Kevin and I was single for a year and he was a little cutie part too. I just I just I just Okay.
Speaker 3:Still Come back, come back.
Speaker 4:But I broke up with him for a year. So I was just dating around, just talking. My sister was like who is that nigga? And I was just like girl, that's just a friend. Cause he was just friend. No, no emotions involved, it was just, you know just having good fun, just having fun, just hanging out chilling.
Speaker 4:So then I, when I went in one night, and then it was just like every day, every day, every day, like together, together on the phone, the phone phone, then we just like made it a fucking relationship, and and here, five years later, same fucking cycle, yeah, you know to your point when you said it's okay to just, you know, have, for lack of better words, have friends with benefits or fun buddies. But here's the catch. But I always knew who the fuck I was.
Speaker 3:I've always seen the catch, though Little.
Speaker 4:thing little chubby right now.
Speaker 3:But wait. But here's the catch, though, with fuck buddies you have to be careful with those, because eventually somebody in there, and that little friendship thing that you call it, someone's going to want more and that's tricky, but no no, I know.
Speaker 4:I know that because I had basketball to see.
Speaker 3:Because you got to set those boundaries from jump.
Speaker 4:Yes, because I didn't have emotions and feelings and nothing. Then don't mean they didn't so that wasn't that wasn't.
Speaker 4:That was fucked up for me because I was going into a like you know what, I can just chill with this nigga, you know, make him feel good and then I just walk away anytime. But that was fucked up because that how, how was they feeling? And it was like, damn you, you're a dog ass nigga. Like we didn't do all this and we had spent time and we was chilling, but I was just thinking like, well, shit, I was single. I never gave us a title because I always made that shit clear I'm not with nobody.
Speaker 2:And I feel like, as long as, like, you make that clear at the beginning, then you have no ways of hurting people, like they can only hurt themselves after that. Yeah, but then they make me feel like a dirtbag because, like, you said I told you I'm single.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I was single from jump.
Speaker 4:Exactly. So that made me feel like a dirtbag because like damn, when I was telling you like I wasn't, or we wasn't in that family because you told him you were single.
Speaker 3:And I'm very thorough.
Speaker 2:And then when I got with him, I just boom like I bring him.
Speaker 4:I still invite them all to the same house and bring him like this, my nigga, we are single again. That be looking like I know this bitch. Let's see, the time is when, even because we're friends, I mean, I mean.
Speaker 2:But I feel like with that, I feel like at the end of the day, it still is like obviously the person cares about you. So I feel like you should let them know that they're coming into another environment where there's somebody else that is with you, that's just me. It was me, I would let them know that, because I feel like, at the end of the day, like you guys, he might be like okay, whatever, I'm dating and all that shit now.
Speaker 4:Now I'm in a relationship now.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay, then that's different, as long as you let it be known, because I'm saying if you just brought him in here, you had somebody else. That's kind of different. Like I said, we live in Vegas. What the fuck is going on?
Speaker 4:I mean, I can't stop a person who invites you to a party, that invites me to a party. But now I'm bringing my boyfriend and not just one of my friends.
Speaker 2:And as long as you said that, then they're kids.
Speaker 4:you're not, so now you and the party feeling some type of way. And I'm in the party now, you're thinking about you Because I'm all up in this world with this fool over here.
Speaker 2:I personally would do that, but you know what?
Speaker 3:What I would definitely tell someone is like when you get out of a relationship and you ever notice how, like I said earlier, they will scrub their social media clean of all the pictures and stuff Child leading pictures up there, because that's to remind you. Okay, now I know what not to do. Yeah, this was my ex.
Speaker 1:We spent years with that I don't want that body count on there.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:But I was gonna say also I feel like, if you leave it up, leave it up until, like you know, you're done, don't just delete it because you're upset.
Speaker 1:Delete it whenever you know like I'm just one picture. You know you can leave one picture.
Speaker 2:You know that you're healed from it and I'm deleting it because I'm done with it. Don't just delete it because like, oh, I'm out of him, who's next? Like delete it because it's like okay, like I'm done and I grew from this. Like not even like.
Speaker 4:I learned from this, whatever.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like you know, I feel first, then though, because I guess not a lot of people do that and, like I, I personally have never jumped from relationship to relationship, but I have talked to people, but I've never let it go further. But I just feel like I'm a type of person I need healing, I need some months, maybe even I need months, not even two months, I need a few months because I'm when I date somebody, I'm in it, I'm definitely in it. I'm looking to marry you, I'm looking to be with you, I'm looking for all of that. So it's like whenever I'm doing that, I need time to heal from that, because I was looking for something deeper than me, you're looking for that at 20?
Speaker 4:How old are you again? How are you again? You was young, I'm 25. Oh girl, you're looking for that. But I'm saying, like my last relationship I was just with, it was only like a year or so or two years. That should be another 10 years Maybe, but I mean, that's just how I am.
Speaker 2:I can't tell you how I am.
Speaker 4:No, no, you give that pussy a fight, you fuck. No, I don't want to do that Because I mean it's. But I learned my mistake.
Speaker 2:That's why I've been single for so long, because now I know nobody's on what I'm on.
Speaker 3:But it's OK to you know, want to stay locked to be locked down with all my relationships.
Speaker 2:That was my last one, but that's OK, I know so, you know it's because I was just telling you.
Speaker 4:I'm like when I was in my 20s I was right when we were younger.
Speaker 3:It's like I was.
Speaker 2:I want to get married now. I'm like I've had nine. Like I know, I've been engaged three times.
Speaker 4:I, literally, I've been engaged three times and still ain't walked down the aisle.
Speaker 1:So I am Cynthia Bailey.
Speaker 4:The qualities to be a great husband. I can cook, I can clean, I can fix cars, I can fix houses.
Speaker 1:Don't forget your psycho. Hey, hello, I'm a fucking Capricorn.
Speaker 4:So I'm a goat.
Speaker 3:You get on top of cars and dance in parking lot. Yeah, like I can hang pictures.
Speaker 4:I can I'm a handyman but that person that I was supposed to marry was not.
Speaker 3:that's not my person, but let me ask you all this though how, how do you, how would you feel if your say your current relationship, or you're getting ready to get into a relationship, and you tell the guy, oh, this is my ex, he and I are still cool, we're still good friends, but then they act like, no, you can't talk to him because that's your ex.
Speaker 4:It's like we're just friends. There's nothing there.
Speaker 3:I've honestly got with that and so many ways I've dealt with that, because say that question again so say if you're, if you're going into a relationship, and you let your current guy know hey, my ex is here, but he and I are still good friends, and they tell you no, you can't talk to him because that's your ex, he's your ex. We're butch all our friends, though there's nothing there.
Speaker 1:I you know what that's good.
Speaker 2:That's all I was like.
Speaker 1:that's a great question Because, like with my yeah, like as far as, like me and my son's father, we all good, you know we good, and it's nothing like that, you know, and they probably. Yeah, some people don't understand it, but I ain't really I'm feeling like I'm.
Speaker 4:I'm actually friends With all my exes except one, because he did, but literally well, two of them did yeah, because I have. I have an ex who I'm literally cool with every single and my current, well, my ex situation, when I understand it and I really it was literally there's no emotion between us, there's no feeling, there's no hugging.
Speaker 2:There's no, but just a friend. I feel like.
Speaker 4:I feel like, I feel like we left the situation on good terms, except one, Mr T. But we cool now too, but he was off that.
Speaker 2:I feel like right now sorry, I wanna say I feel like how I am right now. I feel like I have like my exes, but I feel like me and them, like we're cordial enough to like, hey, how are you Like whenever I see them, but it's never like no actual texting thing. But I feel like my ex that I just broke up with that was talking about right now where I'm like I was ready to do that, cause that's my first relationship I've ever been ready to do that, which I was only like two years ago, so I was like 23, which I was still very young, but I feel like I was ready for that. Sure, like I can't be like.
Speaker 1:I didn't get my little fun. I was ready for it, but I feel like with him. I haven't came into that yet, Cause like I'm going to be his friend forever, Whether or not, even if we fuck or not like me and him.
Speaker 2:I'm going to talk to him and I'm going to make sure he's okay. I'm going to always check on him. He's always going to be. If he needs to call me and I need to call him, he's always going to be there for me and I'm going to be there for him, vice versa, until he shows me a sign where he can't do that, then I'm not going to be like that, but I feel like I haven't ran into that yet, cause I don't have a new relationship.
Speaker 3:Cause. See, I have an ex. We were together, I think, almost a year. He has three kids, three beautiful kids, and he's now been married and we still talk. I always ask him how you're doing, how's your mom, how's your kids, and that's just nothing but a friendship. I even ask him how's your husband?
Speaker 4:how's someone? He's good.
Speaker 3:Bring your wife, bring your kids, cause a lot of times when you get out of that relationship, you are better friends than you were as a couple, and that's how I feel about my ex. So do you think?
Speaker 1:do you think most of the time, the other in a relationship, the other person that doesn't accept that, do you think it's insecurity?
Speaker 3:Oh very much.
Speaker 1:Do you think like? What do you think it?
Speaker 3:is, do you think?
Speaker 1:I don't, and for me, I can see both sides.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would say that.
Speaker 1:You know it could be hold on, it could be no, I think it could be both. It depends on the person. You know. Some people feel like the past should be the past. When you with me, it's me, we making new memories. I get that, you know. And then, on the other hand, it could be people that's just insecure, you know, not sure of themselves type of thing, and just real jealous hearted.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But I feel like it could go both ways, just depend on the person.
Speaker 2:And I feel like it goes on like, if, like, if you're in a relationship and like you have somebody who, like you know, is going to be in your life forever, I feel like you should very vocally describe that to your Actually, that's kind of different though.
Speaker 4:Like I mean I can see if this dude took this person and y'all friends, he was being your ass for nine out of ten years y'all was together and y'all still want to be friends.
Speaker 2:That's why I'm saying like, I feel like.
Speaker 4:So I do still want to be this nigga friend and y'all hanging out like that's what it's like, but that's different. Like you must want to fuck him, but like, if you're genuine, like you guys, like how he said, like he checked something he's cool.
Speaker 2:I was gonna say I feel like if I come into the relationship, but I let you know that, like I have an ex that like we're not on that like nothing, like that and like we're like that.
Speaker 2:I feel like if I tell you that and like you can see, and like you know that and I tell you that, and if you still make a problem about it, then I feel like that could be an insecurity which I, but I don't know, it's kind of hard because like it could be an insecurity, but it's just like who wants somebody to talk to their ex, you know. So I feel like it kind of goes both ways, but it just depends on how close your guy is to where they can feel comfortable with it.
Speaker 2:you know, Probably after you get married, just at a point where, yeah, you just should say okay, I feel like it just depends on how strong your guys' relationship is, and like how well you guys are and how well you guys communicate, for them to be able to feel safe in that type of environment.
Speaker 1:And if you have like little kids or something like that, but yeah, Cause I'm not gonna lie, I might look at it funny too.
Speaker 2:Like what do you mean? You're still friends with them, but as long as, like you're not even including me, but just like letting me know what I need to know, like not like you're gonna go hang out on your own or do nothing, like that, at least like let me know. Or like let me know what's going on. Like I don't know, I just like to be known of stuff, cause it's like and see.
Speaker 3:I'm the knower. That'll make me feel better. I'm kind of a nosey type of person.
Speaker 2:I am too.
Speaker 3:So it's like if the ex comes around and you guys are still cool, I'm gonna ask him you know? So how was he, you know, start getting a little dirt that he may not want to tell me, cause I want to know okay why did he work?
Speaker 2:Say I'm the totally opposite.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I said I don't want to know. I'm like why didn't it work? I'm not gonna ask you anything. I had somebody ask me that you know like why I don't understand it and they nothing understand. You know, we were young and I don't want to know nothing about your past, what you had with them, because, just because it's like that with them, it's not gonna be the same.
Speaker 3:It's gonna be like that with us.
Speaker 2:I don't want to hear.
Speaker 1:No gossip about nobody.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:I don't want to hear your perspective of anything, cause, honestly, I want to get my own interpretation of you Like, I want to get my own, yeah not even that you might not be that same person when you was with him Definitely.
Speaker 2:I mean like they might have been in that relationship, but you can't be like this.
Speaker 1:I might make him, I might, I might make the best come out of him. You know what I'm saying. You never know. Yeah, or it just might be different, he just might be a changed person. So I don't want to hear nothing.
Speaker 2:I don't want to ask nobody else, nothing else, but I just want my partner to be honest with me. If, like, there isn't X that like you're involved with and like you're very well, like connected with, I just want to be able to know not even trying to be ex-shinosi, but I feel like me, as your partner, I should know everything about it and I should know, like, what you're doing, what's going on. So it's not no funny business. You know cause some people be funny and some don't. But if it's a genuine friendship, I should be able to know regular stuff and know everything.
Speaker 4:And I should probably be able to be around that time. You can't just tell your partner either to like there was some things. I just would not tell my partner because, like I mean, there's going to be an argument or you're going to feel some type of way.
Speaker 1:It just depends on the person that you're with. That's how you know you might have the right person, Right because months down later you throw it up and all type of shit.
Speaker 4:So, so they feel like you keep it a secret, but you really not keep it a secret, cause you're just keeping your privacy together and your mentality, but I feel like that's where it goes.
Speaker 2:Toxic cause you're trying to keep your privacy, but I could see both sides Cause you're trying to keep your private hold on real quick, cause you could be trying to keep your privacy and like I don't want to let you know that, but then to them that's like what do you keep your privacy for? If it's nothing like that, then why can't you let me know what's going on?
Speaker 1:You have to understand cause you wouldn't like nobody doing that to you.
Speaker 2:You wouldn't like them to be like what do you?
Speaker 1:mean Okay, so it's wait, wait, wait. It's to a certain extent Now. Just because you're married with somebody don't mean your life is their life. You get what I'm saying.
Speaker 3:You still have to have your space and your your friends, their friends, but let it never go, never cause that's the only thing.
Speaker 1:I want them. Yeah, like I mean, at the end of the day, when it comes to like doing certain stuff with them, yeah, you should let them know it shouldn't be nothing secret, but don't be like that's my privacy. But now the but, no, but now like the past, like as far as the past. If you don't want to get into, if you don't want to get into detail about that or why, but as far as the current anything, yeah, I need to know that.
Speaker 1:But from the past I don't want to know nothing. That's y'all, whatever.
Speaker 2:I just want to know if you guys are going to go hang out and be cool. I want to know that cause that's the respect level, cause I would be the same with you and you wouldn't want nobody to be like, well, I'm going to go hang out with who? Well, that's my business, my ex maybe. But it's just like you know, like I would. I don't know, but past stuff I don't want to know.
Speaker 3:But yeah cause it's okay to have.
Speaker 2:You know they have their friends, you have your friends and sometimes you guys have a friends together, you know and it's okay and sometimes I want to say, you know, like people be on different ways, like I guess you just have to like know that.
Speaker 2:You know, Same and I feel like, at the end of the day, people have to like you have to be like with somebody who's like, has like kind of like a mature mindset to be able to understand, like this is my person that I've been with previously. Nothing's going on with that, but I am being honest with you, but I'm not going to not like, I'm not going to let them go, but I'm there, they're going to be my friend and that's just what it is, you know.
Speaker 1:Okay. So y'all this segment was it got really deep. We kind of went a little over. But I hope you guys enjoyed it. Stay tuned for our next segment. I'm not sure exactly what we might talk about yeah, I like this.
Speaker 2:I want to come right back. I feel like I have a lot more to say about this. I got a lot more to say too, but it's going to be a different topic. We're going to come back with something.
Speaker 1:And we're going to discuss that and take a little, you know, a break or two, but you guys remember, make sure you follow us. The lion is dead on IG 2023. I'm going to have everybody say their name again so you guys know who they are.
Speaker 4:You can catch me at its it's underscore MEACH on any platform.
Speaker 3:Catch me on Instagram phoenix underscore Vuton, and on TikTok phoenix Vuton. All one word.
Speaker 2:And then I am on Instagram only L Y S S, dot S, o L I S S, and that is it.
Speaker 1:And you guys remember you also, you have, you have a podcast, or yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:So I do have my podcast, Velvet Rope. It's actually coming back. This coming June We'll go into season five and we'll also have our after dark series, which will be exclusive.
Speaker 1:I have to join in.
Speaker 3:So the after dark series which will be behind the velvet rope after hours, or just Velvverope after hours. It will exclusively be only on only fans. So you guys have to pay for that, because we're going to go into some very juicy adult topics.
Speaker 1:That's awesome. So you guys, you heard him and also, of course, we always got my candle burning, a toy sensual sense. You guys can go check that out on my website and we'll catch you guys next time. Good night, good night.
Speaker 2:Thanks for joining.
