Pride Stories: Ruby's Story of "Breaking Free" and Being Her True Self

What happens when you finally break free from the shackles of a conservative, homophobic environment and embrace your true identity? You'll discover this and more as we delve into the story of our guest, Ruby Cornell. As a newly out and proud member of the LGBTQ+ community, Ruby recounts her journey of self-discovery, acceptance, and overcoming adversity. 

Ruby takes us through her first year living openly as her authentic self: attending her first "real" Pride, joining a local LGBTQ+ sports organization, and the inevitable challenges that come with finding a supportive community. Listen in as Ruby shares her story, offering lessons on acceptance, courage, and the importance of standing up for who you are.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

I kind of thought something was wrong with me from a very young age, again knowing I thought I looked girls and then was told I was in a loud or that was a sinner or whatever. So I kind of shoved it down until I was like I can't shove this down any longer. I'm literally going to not literally, but I'm figured to be going to explode if I don't unleash who I really am.

Speaker 2: 0:25

Welcome to Pride Stories, the podcast where we celebrate the entire spectrum of experiences that make up the LGBTQ plus community. I'm your host, katie Beatty, from Tell Well Story Co and Studio. On this podcast. We are committed to creating a safe, supportive and inspiring space for our guests and listeners alike, so join us as we explore the heartwarming, sometimes painful and always inspired stories that make us who we are. Welcome back to Pride Stories, the podcast where we celebrate the beautiful spectrum of experiences that make up the LGBTQ plus community. I'm your host, katie Beatty, and today I am joined by Ruby Cornell. Hi, ruby, thank you so much for joining me for Pride Stories the podcast. Hi, thank you for having me. How are you feeling coming into this conversation, knowing that we are about to dig into Pride and coming out and all of the highs and lows that come along with that?

Speaker 1: 1:25

Pretty excited. It's new to me but I'm pretty excited about it.

Speaker 2: 1:30

Good. Happy to hear that it's good vibes going in. So to start off with, I want you to just tell me about yourself. Who is Ruby, whatever that means to you.

Speaker 1: 1:41

Sounds good already. So, as she said, my name is Ruby. I am a pretty avid athletic person, kind of do a variety of different sports. I also enjoy painting and baking. I am a supervisor at a grocery store in Fargo and, yeah, I'm a pretty chill outgoing person Awesome.

Speaker 2: 2:01

Thank you for giving us that very kind of brief and well-rounded picture of who you are. And now, as you know, this whole podcast is based around one question, and that is what is your Pride story? So now I'm going to turn the floor over to you and let you share that story, whatever it is, wherever you want to start, we're here to listen.

Speaker 1: 2:22

So I guess it kind of starts out when I was pretty young, I always had I don't want to say feelings, but feelings for one of my neighbors who also happened to be a girl at the same time, and I just didn't think much of it.

Speaker 1: 2:36

Fast forward to middle school, I was like, okay, you know, maybe I do really like girls. It's explores further. However, at that time I was in a pretty conservative, strict church where I wasn't really allowed to like the same gender or same sex plus other things, and so it kind of shoved it down for several years until I was like okay, I can't shove this down any further, I have to tell somebody, and that's kind of what it officially came out to a few of the close friends I had, including my parents, and their response was oh yeah, we know. So after that I kind of was just trying to embrace who I was and who I liked and wasn't going to be silenced about it any longer than it already was, which was for well over nine years. Long story short, that's kind of what it is. And now I'm here just enjoying who I am and having the limits Awesome.

Speaker 2: 3:28

I love that and I'm so happy to hear that for you. So I want to back up a little bit and you know, unfortunately you're not alone in the experience of growing up in a really conservative and homophobic institution that's unwelcoming of the LGBTQ community and being surrounded by that really harmful rhetoric. Can you talk about how you navigated that and how you dealt with that as such a young person?

Speaker 1: 3:52

I was kind of just ignoring my feelings. I was like, oh, just a phase and I'm just a teenager, Like I'll grow out of it in a few years. I always give it a few years. Well, I obviously did not outgrow it. I kind of thought something was wrong with me from a very young age Again, knowing I thought I looked girls and then was told I was going to loud or that was a sinner or whatever. So I kind of shoved it down until I was like I can't shove this down any longer. I'm literally going to not literally, but I'm figured to be going to explode if I don't unleash who I really am and note for listeners you are missing out on some heavy air quotes throughout this so what made you finally decide to step out of your church and into your true self, and how old were you when you did that?

Speaker 1: 4:40

So I was actually pretty I mean young for a person, but old for how long it was. I was actually 20. It was pretty recent it was last year actually and I kind of finally chose to step out after I realized I wasn't going to be supported. So I would support something that doesn't support me.

Speaker 2: 4:57

That makes perfect sense. I mean, first sell many. A church is supposed to be a support system. That's why it exists. So if it's not serving that purpose for you, why be a part of it? I didn't realize that it had only been a year. So what has last year been like of coming into your true self after like a decade of suppressing that?

Speaker 1: 5:20

Really freeing. It's almost like a weight is lifted off my shoulders. In a way. Trying to find my own community outside of the church was like people who are like me and my age and who have the same interest as me. That wasn't just strictly related to that. I found Stonewall sports and I've been loving Stonewall and loving doing those things and finding people who are like me around my age and making a community for myself with other people who are like me.

Speaker 2: 5:51

I love that I participated in Stonewall last year like the first kickball season. It was so much more intense than I expected I was like, oh, this is just going to be like fun, easy Sunday night kickball. No, they go hard and I love it. So, as you're building up this newfound community, what has the response been like from your old community? Like have you received support from like church or family or anyone after that transition?

Speaker 1: 6:22

What family that knows about me coming out is supportive. I haven't told everybody just because I don't know how they're going to react. Really, only like one person from my church I've really told when she's been super supportive of it the whole time and we still talk to this day. I haven't really told anybody else just because I know that it's going to be like a sore spot but I'm hoping eventually one day I can be very like out and open and gain the confidence to do that.

Speaker 2: 6:52

So can you talk about? You know your decision to come on this podcast, then, considering that coming out to people in your life is still A thing you're kind of nervous about, why do you want to share it with unlimited people?

Speaker 1: 7:07

Mainly because I know that my story is not only unique, but several other people that I potentially may not know or I don't know could be going through the same thing. I am, or I was slash, still am. So I can kind of maybe feel a bit more comfortable and then maybe after this I'll get my full, like who are all confident to fully be, like, hey, this is who I am, take it or leave it, kind of thing.

Speaker 2: 7:33

Well, I admire that courage and I'm so glad that you have decided to join us and share your story publicly like this the people that you have told in your life. Can you share that story and how that went and how it was received For sure?

Speaker 1: 7:47

So I told my parents in kind of a cute, funny way. I got the matching pride shirts that was Mamasaurus and Dinosaurus, because I'm obsessed with dinosaurs. I called my mom and I was like hey, open this package. I just got delivered and she opened it up and she's like oh yeah, we know. Thanks, mom, love you too. So that was kind of really funny, like coming out. I kind of really wanted to do it. I told my former boss, who also was like a parent to me at one of the events in Fargo where I showed her like a sticker, like a bisexual sticker, and I was like hey, look at this. And she's like oh yeah, I know. And I was like how does everybody know about me? I did not know for like the longest time, so she was showing it down for so long. All my former coworkers were like oh yeah, we knew that from like when I first met you and I was like and you didn't tell me, so there's a lot of like laughter involved and I was like oh yeah, everybody knew about you.

Speaker 2: 8:42

Was there like a particular moment when you realized like oh, I do know, I know this about myself like a aha moment?

Speaker 1: 8:50

But I don't know if there was really an aha moment, but after I was fully grown up meaning after age of 18, and I kind of was able to do a little bit more things, like after high school, I wasn't like bound just to school, I was actually at work. I was kind of like, hey, that's kind of cute. It's like maybe I should like get their number and I was like, hold on the math isn't math thing here. You keep on saying you're like only guys here you are. When I asked this girl out on a date and then I was like, oh, okay, I guess that makes sense for all the other feelings I've had, like it was just connected to dots.

Speaker 2: 9:26

So I have to ask did you ask out your coworker?

Speaker 1: 9:29

I actually did not. I was their manager at my old job and then we actually hired them at my other old job, the one I just left recently, and so I was like I should probably maybe like not date my coworker. But I know that we both still kind of low key, have feelings for each other. We just aren't really dealing with it. We're just like really good friends but like we don't. I know for a fact that we don't really see each other dating material, but we still have the feelings for each other.

Speaker 2: 9:59

I feel like everything you just said is just bisexuality in a nutshell. We both, like, know we have feelings, but we're just not gonna talk about it. So you're only a year into this journey and you've got it figured out. Like you said, being in your first year out from coming to terms with your sexuality and leaving a community that wasn't supportive of you, share some stories of like highlights of the last year.

Speaker 1: 10:26

I think a big story was me going to my first Pride officially, like out. That was something I really was like looking forward to. I always went to Pride events Again, knowing something was different. We always went to Pride events, always went to these different Pride groups at my school.

Speaker 1: 10:41

I actually founded one of them in Morehead at the middle school, knew something was different, never connected at all, don't know why it took me 10 years, but the first one was Pride and being there like officially out was empowering and like all these people support me for who I am, even though they don't know me, and supports my lifestyle in a way where I don't have to change who I am in that moment to be accepted and be supported. I can speak who I really am. And that was really like almost eye opening out when I became I don't wanna say obsessed with Stonewall, but like really interested, like okay, really wanna do this, I just have to turn 21. So I counted down the days until I could join Stonewall and that was something I was really looking forward to for I mean almost a year.

Speaker 2: 11:26

So for listeners who might not be familiar, can you talk about what Stonewall is?

Speaker 1: 11:30

For sure. So Stonewall is a nonprofit organization where we we're not exclusively like supporting LGBTQ community, like everybody's welcome, but we like having the extra community for the LGBTQ community. We do kickball seasons. Let me just recently announce new sport for the winter, which is dodgeball. So you have kickball and dodgeball now. It's a super exciting. Super exciting for dodgeball too. We're pretty new. We started in 2022 and this is now our third season.

Speaker 2: 12:02

So are you involved as a player, or are you involved, like, from an organizational standpoint too? I am just a player at the moment. No such thing as just a player. It's a very important role. So, beyond Stonewall, are there other organizations or resources or support systems that have been really helpful for you over the last year and even before?

Speaker 1: 12:26

I am still kind of trying to figure out my whole support system, like what different options there are in Fargo. I know that there's a lot of options, but I work overnight to try and get to them. Sometimes it can be a little challenging with the times, but I know that Pride Collective has been a good one for me in the past and I'm hoping to kind of make my way back into that one and kind of have a community that isn't around sports, and very intense sports at that.

Speaker 2: 12:51

Yeah, you know, like you said, there's a lot that you are still figuring out, but is there a message or a piece of advice you would share with our listeners? Particularly are those who, like you, might be struggling with their identity, might be in an environment that isn't supportive of that.

Speaker 1: 13:12

Be who you really are would be the main one. Obviously, if it's not safe, that's a different situation. If you feel like you can come out to friends, family, whoever, I would kind of recommend you do it. The fun way is that really took the weight off of my shoulders, kind of being a cute fun way instead of like being straightforward, unless that works better for you. I mean, you do you. Of course, I don't really know if I have any advice other than just to unleash who you really are, and people either support you or they won't, and the ones who support you are meant to be, I guess.

Speaker 2: 13:47

Absolutely, it is as simple as that. So we've been talking about pride, this idea and the podcast is called Pride Stories. But what does that word pride mean to you?

Speaker 1: 14:00

I don't really know if I have an actual definition for that word.

Speaker 2: 14:05

I guess, when you think of pride, what does that feel like for you?

Speaker 1: 14:09

I guess I mean, it feels like a great I don't want to say time. It's a great time, I guess, to get with other people, you know. But also be happy with who you are, because I mean, everybody's different in some way, shape or form. No music same. Embrace your differences and similarities and be happy with who you are.

Speaker 2: 14:31

And when you look at your own story, what are you proud of?

Speaker 1: 14:35

I'm pretty proud that I was actually able to come out so soon after. I kind of figured it out, given it's only been a year, but I mean feeling safe enough to where I can come out to family and some friends. I mean other than kind of coming out so soon after I realized I've been proud of this, embracing who I am and understanding and realizing that everybody doesn't support me and that's okay. I don't have to be friends with everybody and they'll have to be friends with me just because I'm different than them.

Speaker 2: 15:05

Absolutely Well. Ruby, I am so glad that you signed up for Pride Stories, the podcast that you were willing to share your story with me today. I'm excited to share this with the world and, like you said, maybe share it with somebody who needs to hear a story like yours. Thank you for having me. Thanks, ruby. Thank you for listening to Pride Stories the podcast. I'm your host, katie Beatty, and it's been an honor to bring this story to your ears.

Speaker 2: 15:32

Pride Stories is proudly presented by Tellwell StoryCo and Studio. We have an incredible team that makes this podcast possible, including executive producer Max Kringen, contributing producers Andrew Parsons, duncan Williamson and Annie Wood, with additional support by Emma Maddock, matt Priggy, rosie Mortensen and the entire team at Tellwell. If you've been inspired, moved or entertained by anything you've heard in this episode, please consider supporting our mission, subscribe to the podcast, leave a five-star review or simply share it with a friend or family member. Your support keeps the stories alive and resonating, and if you feel compelled to share your own Pride Story, we'd be honored to listen. Please visit the link in the description of this episode to get in touch, no matter where you are in your journey, whether you're out and proud or just finding your voice. Remember, you have a story to tell and it deserves to be heard.