E5 - Alejandro Lopez-Reyes - Sexual Violence Prevention Educator

This week we have Alejandro on the pod to discuss his work educating the youth and adults about sexual violence prevention, consent, boundaries, and navigating various other aspects of life. 

It's an insightful conversation and Alex is a treasure trove of wisdom on these matters. Tune in to learn some new things and to hear his unique experience!

Transcript

Unknown: Hello wonderful people and welcome to episode five of Next Up, Chicago. Today we have another special guest. They're all special, but this one has a special place in my heart. So one of my closest friends of all time, like very close friend, known him since high school. We still hang out like three or four times a week. And he's a great guy. He's doing big things with the youth of this wonderful city, trying to keep their head on straight, trying to give us some good advice, and trying to make good, solid citizens for the future of this lovely city. My friend Alejandro Mateo Lopez Reyes, he is a lifelong Chicagoan, technically born in San Antonio. But then he moved here and been here his whole life. He's a product of the Chicago system. He is a product of the Chicago streets, the Chicago environment. And now he is an educator. And what might you ask? He teaches he teaches a very, very important subject nowadays and always that is gaining development and I think progressing in a positive light. And he works on understanding sexual violence and teaching sexual violence prevention, and he works with kids K through 12 as well as some adults because, you know, a lot of adults are pretty fucked up and they do need to learn these things and I'm really excited to have him on. So Alejandro, say some things. Welcome yourself, greet yourself. Thank you so much for that beautiful introduction, Farooq. Yeah, super happy to be here. It's an honor to to speak and be platformed on your podcast and. Yeah, thank you so much. I'm excited to continue our conversations. And then we had a so last night. We all got together and watched the movie, had a few drinks, and we got really deep and started talking about life and what it means like to be a man and to understand like what it means is our role as like our position of privilege, you know, having an education and having stable jobs. And so this is kind of going to be a continuation of a conversation we had last night that you guys weren't privy to. But I think parts of this conversation will be much better. I'm going to just, you know, lay it out there for me, bro. Who are you? What do you you from Chicago did the Whitney Young bit. You know, you were you were in in my circle the less than ideal fuckers. But we we made it, you know, we have jobs and we're not dead. So progress. What's up, man? Tell me. Yeah, I guess so. A brief overview of my life. Yeah, I guess I could take it from the beginning. So, yes, a product of Chicago. Really love. Love to see, love to be in the city or to know the city well. Essentially, I'm the second born child of two Mexican parents. They have had their own stories, too, as to how they came to Chicago and had the divorce when I was really young as well. So growing up Chicago, I unfortunately it feels weird. Like I, I feel like I never got to have this, this like, like neighborhood identity that a lot of other kids in Chicago, a lot of people in Chicago kind of have because with the divorce and everything from a very young age, but I've I've had to live in in different neighborhoods. So in recent years, I've kind of been a bit more appreciative of that in the sense that I have the I have had the experience of growing up in and different parts of the city. Mm hmm. And now in my work, Working for Nonprofit, I get to not only revisit some of these neighborhoods, but also visit other neighborhoods that I probably would have never visited, to be honest. Right. Because you drive out to like way far southwest, just south northwest, you go all over. Yeah. This job compelled me to get a car. If anyone's known me for a while. I didn't get my license until, like, really early twenties. And yeah, I've had to buy a car, travel around the city, go to a bunch of events and really just connect more with the city. So it the transportation has been that's an obstacle, but it has made connecting with the city a lot more accessible. That's fair. I mean, because like you told me, you were driving somewhere some what was it called, like super south southwest? It's like a suburb. No, you went to a suburb. We do visit. We do serve South Chicago, South Chicago and south suburban schools. Last week, we actually earlier this week, I was in the Hegedus neighborhood talking to a bunch of elementary school students. So a lot of there's a lot of schools you service are either predominantly black or something like. Latino students. So it's it's cool to like see students like I kind of see myself and like these students oftentimes. What do you mean by that? Because I've. Alongside having to like move and grow up in different neighborhoods have also had to just go to a couple of different schools. And it's it's interesting to see like kids be kids in the sense of of how they're kind of reflecting the world around them. Mhm. And it reminds me how I was too when I was your age. Like, like I was, I feel like I was like kind of a class clown. They didn't really have like the most stable of, of like. Many relationships, I guess, but I feel like I tried to make it apparent and it just ended up happening. This ended up being so that I would be connected with kind of like everybody in, in for example like the classroom like. Mhm. Like. Yeah. It's kind of hard to explain I guess. So let's, let's try to unpack that a little bit and start from square one. Right. You enter these classrooms so far you've told us that, uh, when you're in these classrooms, these kids reflect their reality and they act depending on the reality that they exist in and that you see a lot of yourself in these kids, partly because you are also a minority, partly because you come from a divorced home and you've had a lot of changes and movements in your life. Um, but okay, so we know that. How do you feel the kids feel about you? Like when you walk into a class, what is the usual? Does the teacher go, This is Alejandro and he's going to talk to us about sexual violence prevention. How does it usually go when you have to interact with these these young, young students? Yeah. So it's it's a fantastic question. And I think I feel like what I mean, when I said I see myself in the kids is that I, I try and like educate them and give them information that I feel would have helped me in their situation as well. Hmm. As far as far as, um, the students feelings and attitudes towards me being in the classroom, like, well, our sessions are four days long, so the first day they're usually like a little nervous, like, ooh, who are these people? Who? This tall man like. Like in our classroom. And so how long is each session? About an hour long. So they have, like, out of their school day, an hour for like one week, four days out of that week. Yeah. They're going to have an hour session with you. Essentially change of school to school, like depending on what their their organization schedules are like, which which teacher or which administrator will be organizing it, scheduling it. But yeah, our sessions are four days or there's four sessions hour long for one hour long sessions. And they can either be like once every week for four weeks or once every day. Mhm. For four days. So it really just depends on like the school's climate, the school's scheduling. Mhm. And so you walk into the class. Right. How do you, how does it go. You said the first session they're a little nervous. They're like, who's this tall guy. Yeah. And then as the sessions continue, what do you see? Like, what is some of the growth or development that you notice from the way you interact and from what you're teaching these folks? Yeah, I think it's such a like honestly sort of fun experience because I, I go in there and then students already have their, their assumptions, their biases about like who this classroom visitor is. What do you talk about? Like probably stuff they've already seen or heard before when it comes to like anti-harassment, anti-bullying, social emotional stuff. Mhm. So yeah, the first day it can be a little nervous if I've been to the school before. The kids are like super excited to see me. Um, and the first day we, we kind of get the ball rolling, start introducing some, some foundational topics is the way we organize it is that every, every session kind of builds off the previous one. And yeah, my approach is really is to kind of meet them where they're at like every classroom, even if they're in the same school, they're going to be different kids in the classroom, like every individual student is informed by their own individual life experience. So everyone's going to have a different response, reaction, internalization of like what they've lived in general, what is their reaction towards what you're teaching them is a positive one. I think overall, yeah, like it definitely it's a hard conversations and that's why I mean really I try to guide them and meet them where they're at. Like, um, like some students based on, like their home life or their education or just like how they view the world. Like Dani kind of like anticipating and expecting like some type of like punishment. Do this, don't do that type of like messaging. But really I try and just like understand them. Like I said, like every students can be different, every classroom should be different. Like I really want to meet them where they're at and like see what each individual strength they have to like uplift community and educational safety. Really. Like I try and ground from, from the first day I try and ground our conversations in safety. I'm a firm believer in this with all the students that like if you don't feel safe, then you can't really reach your full potential. You can't really be your full, authentic self. If you're concerned for your safety, there's fear in your mind. Yeah. So yeah, I try and ground in safety and, and like try and do like storytelling. Like I let the kids talk like they've been in school like all. They like. They have a lot of stuff to say. They want to squirm. So like I give them the opportunity to just like say their stories and we can I try and connect that back to like the content and lift them up and kind of just like support like and validate the feelings or feeling when they're telling the story. Like maybe they're trying to make sense of it. Maybe they just want to get attention. Maybe like this is something that they're experiencing and they just don't know who else to talk to. And that's really that's really the thing. Like there is like a certain like degree of hesitation and reluctance and even like, like fear and confusion when it comes to hearing these conversations. Like students, I'm sure, like a like maybe the audience members are familiar with this as well. Like young people oftentimes don't have the means or ability or opportunity to have conversations about their boundaries, about relationships, about sexuality, gender. So these are new things and it's going to feel a little uncomfortable for them. And I try to let them know, like, yeah, this might raise some strong emotions, but I just want you all to know that like if you have questions, if you have something to say, like I want to listen to it. Like at the end of the day, like I'm here for the kids, you know, like it's the research shows that earlier intervention can lead to like greater outcomes in any subject. Can you define for us what an intervention might look like? Like when you say earlier intervention provides better outcomes in any subject, what does an earlier intervention look like? Yeah, this is a great question. It's basically any exposure at an early age. And so you're probably a more familiar we have seen this like like if a student if a young person has like musician parents or an athletic parents, like, they may end up being pretty proficient in that instrument or that activity interest. So if we have conversations about subject matter, such as social, emotional learning boundaries, community safety at an earlier age, we're teaching kids that there is strength and value not only in solidarity, but in also in empathy and in safety or solidarity. Safety and empathy. Yeah. I mean, that's what I tell the kids because like the kids, I mean, we've all been kids before. I haven't. Benjamin But that's also really real tough. We've all been kids before. We've all like have had our boundaries be tested and have tested other people's boundaries. And like when we're a kid, like navigating the world, like that stuff hurts. Like that's like the realest pain we felt so far. Because for some of us, when a boundary gets violated, however, that may, may be or feel like that's that that can be, that can stick with kids how you feel. Yeah, like, like I feel like so we explain to the kids is, you know, because, you know, they're kids they fall in and stuff, some of them broken arms, some of them have scraped up and he's like, I do and stuff. So like I tell him like, yo, so like if you've like, has anyone like ever like, fallen down and like got like a really bad cut or scrape or something, all the kids arms, like, shoot up and like, do you remember that I would fall up without arousing and you remember that. And then of course the kids would like vividly explain the circumstance that led them to have this this wound. And then I let them know, like, that's not only is your your your physical body, like remembering that like through the scar tissue, but the feelings associated with that are also being kept in the mine, too. So they really want to like, like I try and focus on like this mind body connection. Mind body connection. Yeah. It's like mind body connection, right? There's this guy named Gabe where Matty who I really like and he works with, like, trauma and like rehabbing individuals who've experienced trauma. And he talks a lot about how the mental trauma and the psychological trauma always manifests in the physical trauma. And I guess like in a way, right, the physical trauma manifests itself into mental trauma depending on how severe of a physical trauma might have been. But I think for the most part, right, especially in this modern world, it's usually mental trauma, creating more physical trauma, you know, like you're anxious and then your heart starts to race or you have bad sleep or you're not eating, you know, like things that we don't really acknowledge as having a connection usually, but are actually completely intertwined at all times. Absolutely. Yeah, that's exactly right. And we we try and like facilitate that connection, that that kind of introspection on how emotions are. Acting you physiologically, like even doing things like like just taking deep breaths, like noticing if, like your jaw is tight and clenched or if your shoulders are tight and clenched. Right? Like just noticing, like how your body responds to emotional stimuli, essentially, and like that. That is I feel like that's important to understand as a young person because if if, if they don't feel connected with themselves, it'll be a lot more challenging to connect with others. That's true. I can see that they're they're great conversations. They're great conversations that the first day also would be on like the mind body connection and social muscle learning. We also talk a lot about body language, facial expressions. Hmm. So that kids can only see, like, the body language and facial expressions and others if, like, a boundary being crossed or if like someone's feeling uncomfortable. But also to recognize it in themselves, too. Mm hmm. Like, if someone feels uncomfortable, maybe they'll, like, cross their arms or look down or. Yeah, everybody's, like, respond differently. I just. I think that more understand that, like, their their bodies will respond in the way that is most natural to them because it's their bodies. It's like a lot of the crux to. So the like a big goal for us is to like kind of promote like bodily autonomy. Bodily autonomy. Yeah. Because eventually these conversations turn into like conversations of consent and healthy relationships, red flags, green flags, signs of abuse. Like we we try and prepare the students for like the next level of learning. And it seems like you're teaching these kids, which, you know, props to you, man. Like you're teaching these kids emotional intelligence and like ways to cope and better read people. Like, I'll be honest, I got none of that in my life growing up. Like, I just kind of, I don't even know, like, how do we figure it out, right? Like, obviously, your parents might tell you something. Your teachers might tell you something. You might get reprimanded for doing something wrong. And it's a very, like, punitive approach. Right. Like, you fuck up and then you find out you fuck up and then have to go back and find out how to not fuck up. Whereas you're like a pro. Proactive prophylactic. That's. Proactive prophylactic. You know, like you're out here teaching them, Hey, this shit is going to happen. And you need to understand that this these are the possible outcomes and you need to prepare yourself to deal with that rather than men. That's wonderful that you're doing this work. I can just imagine, you know, how I'm like personally, right? Like I was never very good at dealing with my emotions growing up. Like, get angry, I got bullied a lot, so that didn't help, right? Like, so I was always like I always had like a rough exterior to me because I didn't want to get fucked with. Um, and that obviously included a lot of, like closing my own emotions. I wish there was like a counselor that would come in maybe twice a week or whatever and be like, Hey, today we're going to talk about anger or like, hey, today we're going to talk about feelings or some shit like that. Like, I think that would've been so beneficial. Beneficial for me. Like in middle school I feel like is when it had been most beneficial. I think in high school maybe it'd be beneficial, but like you do have counselors in high school, but I'll be real. My counselor didn't really help me much. Her and I believed she didn't really like me. Um, but I don't know. That's great that this is happening now. And is this like a new thing? How long do you think this has been going on, these types of programs? Because I didn't have that. We didn't have that when we were in school. Yeah, it's kind of a thing earlier. Like a lot of a lot of students oftentimes don't have the opportunity, availability or accessibility to have these sort of conversations. And nowadays, like a lot of the kids are on the Internet. And yeah, it's it's a lot in the sense that there's a lot to unpack and a lot of these, these systems of oppression are connected. And yeah, a lot of a lot of students, a lot of young people, unfortunately, don't have like the means to process a lot of these emotions that they're feeling, especially now that they're exposed to so much. Mm hmm. Like, there's there's definitely a lack of of of listening, of attention and, like, supporting for what these kids need. Like one of the from this from the administrators and the faculty here, there's a lot of of inequalities present, essentially. So, like, it can be something as small as like. Like navigating, like, a bully situation at school. Mm hmm. But also, like processing, like COVID, the kind of massive, massive phenomenon, massive collective traumas that impact them. But they're still trying to make sense of it, too. Yeah, I think about that a lot because, you know, they talk about how like it's markedly different the cover generation and like. It makes sense. Like, can you imagine when you're in high school, you just are home all day for two straight years? Like, that's awful. Like, I feel so bad for the kids who had to, like, do online learning like in elementary school, middle school or high school during COVID. Because I can't imagine, like not having that social connection every day, you know, like, I didn't like school, but I liked my friends. That's like, biggest reason I'd go to fucking school half the time is like, go out and see my friends. So it would be fine to not have that for two years. Definitely changes your perspective and ability to deal with the modern world for sure. Yeah, it's it's very complex. It's very, very complex. And you could definitely see in some, in some grade levels like those two years where they were in person. Mhm. Like developmentally those are two very important years in their their social development. Right. So we're going to be feeling those impacts for years to come. And yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's really interesting, honestly, like I really enjoy hearing the students speak because but the things they tell me are like the realities. Like, I, I tell us a lot of, a lot of my peers. Like, there's something so wise and, and profoundly intelligent about, like, students outlooks on things because they're so they're so young, they're so new to everything. And for lack of a better term, they're really naive. But I think there's there's a lot of truth in that perspective. Like they're seeing things and the way they understand it is like that's how a a child new to the world is viewing this this problem. And it's so, so complex. It's interesting to hear their perspectives on it and then trying to guide them to like work where I feel can be like safer options. And they really come down to that too. Like, I want to let the students know that like they have options. There are choices in life, there are avenues for support. Like I feel like and this is, this is where it gets really like vague and in some ways confusing. But there's this, this, this phenomena I've observed among students and they've shared with me, too, that they they feel feel like they can no longer trust the institutions that were meant to protect them. It's a common I feel like that's a common theme right now all across the world. Exactly. With rising corporate feudalism and the voracious rate of neo liberalism and colonialism that we see and benefit from, which makes it hard because it's like, you guys are failing me because you're doing all this shit that I'm not benefiting from. But at the same time, I almost feel a little complicit sometimes because, like, I do benefit from these structures of power, you know, for sure. Yeah. And that's a tricky part about it too, because like a lot of feelings of like, like frustration, confusion and even like self-blame and shame can come up when we're learning about the systems of oppression, things that we might have been complicit in. And like those are normal feelings to feel for sure. I think like being able to feel this feeling is already a step in the right direction cause you're not shying away from like your self because your feelings are yours alone. No one can, like, take that away from you. So something in you feel strongly about a subject and I think that's that's that's true in itself you know believe the kids like if they're if they're feeling like sad about something like there may be some other things like attached to that sadness like there may be something at home happening, maybe something that they're just seeing on the Internet just like stays in their mind a lot. You know, there's a huge through line here. Also shout out this podcast called Throughline by NPR. If you guys like history and like critical analysis of like looking back at history and looking back and understanding why we're here now because of past situations, past outcomes through line on NPR is a wonderful podcast. You should check it out. Sorry, tangential, but there's a through line here between Alex Alejandro and Matt Harvey, because Matt also made a very poignant point that the kids only know how they feel and the kids only understand what the fuck is happening to them right now. So when they feel upset and they feel like something's not happening, they're telling you the truth. There's no motive for them to lie and do this. And he talks about how with adults, right? Like we find ways to rationalize all kinds of nonsense to continue doing something. But whereas with children, you know, they are really wise because they see things for what it is, because for them they can only understand things from a simple, simple aspect. Right? Literally, that's all they know at that age. They don't know anything. Otherwise you hurt me. I feel bad, you know, like for them. That's it. Yeah. For us, it's like you hurt me and I feel bad. And, like, there's this trauma that's collecting from here. And because you do. That and I did that here. You know, we have all these ways of rationalizing and making it way more complex and fucked up than it should be when it's like a kid is just like, well, that kind of seems wrong. Morally, that seems wrong. You know, it's very easy. Yeah. I mean, I feel you, bro, I, I enjoy working with kids because, one, they bring, like, a good energy. Right. Like, totally. You like, um. And you guys are just having fun existing. All right, fuck it. But also, like, they call you out on your shit, like, you know, they do. Like, kids are not scared to, honestly. Yeah, I. I welcomed that so much. Like, I want the kids to feel, like, comfortable and confident enough to speak up and use their voices and stuff. Like, honestly, it took me a minute to like, get comfortable between like, oh, you can call him Mr. A mr. Lopez. Mr. Alex like the whole Mr. thing. Like I, I'm not that many years removed from these kids. You but you're. Mr.. I am. Yeah. And that's the thing. Like I do have authority in this classroom. I do have like a leadership responsibility. Like they, they see, they see me as I hold power in the classroom. And I want to encourage students to speak up. I don't want them to shy away from authority like that. I want them to to to process things and have conversations about them, not just strictly obey things. And I feel like that's that's where like there's a kind of a disconnect with a lot of them just, I think comes down to like education styles, like teaching styles. Like I don't like to sit or stand in front of the students and like lecture them because they've only been doing that during at school. They already been lectured so much. Like I don't like I like to include activities as some open ended questions. Just figure out how they've been like. You're like, I want to have a good weekend. Like, what do I have for lunch? Like just really just building reporters, talking to them like people. And they respond really well to that because they're like, Oh, we're like, this person's actually interested in our lives. Like, Wow, I don't know. Sometimes it's like it's, it is really nice to see like students really engaged with the subject matter, especially by the fourth day. They're like, Yo, when you get to come back, like, we see you again, they, they show me. They draw pictures from me and stuff like that. Like it's, it's so adorable. Like, I love to see this, like, authentic expression of kids. Like, like, I know we talk a lot about, like, these, like, kind of negative feelings, but like, there's, they're the joy of a child, like the happiness, the curiosity, like the joie de vivre. Exactly. Yeah. Like, I love to see that it's it's something like that. Unfortunately, it's like kind of rare these days because there's so much injustice and violence happening that it's sad to see that it's relieving to see kids being kids. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I feel like in the adult world you have to pretend to be okay. And even if you're like having a horrible time in your life, you know, you have to go to work, you have to, you have to survive. Um, I think like with kids, right, if you have a, okay, a situation, you have a, a food, food and some education, some friends and like a house, uh, a place of shelter, you know, like, you can genuinely just feel bad. Then you have the right to because you have the time and the resources to awareness. You're an adult, everything's on you, especially in this in a very individualist, hyper capitalist society. Right? Like we're always worried about fucking up. We always want to make more money. We always want to chase the carrot because we never know what might happen. Right? There's no guarantee that we'll be okay if we just step off the gas. And so I think we neglect a lot of the emotional aspects that fester inside of us that we don't release. Um, you're a big proponent of therapy. Oh, for sure. I think. I think mental health in general, I think that's life in general is just a very, very important thing to be responsible for. Mm hmm. Like, I feel like the the the rise in mental health awareness, but also, like, the recognition that it's been a very underfunded, um, like industry practice, like. Right. I feel like with, with this the rise of awareness and conversation surrounding mental health therapy, like you mentioned, social emotional learning in schools in some ways medication too and, and, and reflection. It really comes as a reflection like what? Something isn't doesn't feel good with me now and I want to do something about it, like that type of like intrinsic change, like. Mm. I feel like these means of healing, these avenues of healing are, are a reflection of societal failures. Ideally, in an ideal world, I wouldn't have this job. There wouldn't be sexual violence to prevent because there wouldn't be violence an ideal world, people wouldn't be so stressed out about the monotony of life. If there's more ways to feel connected with your community, i. I 100% agree with you. You're going to like this car culture, city planning, disinvestment in communities. Like there's some like this is what I mean when there's when I say that a lot of a lot of violence essentially is structural and it's interconnected, too. I think in this job, I've also been like learning about how just like the impacts of gentrification too in some of these communities too, like in and I visit this school in in Humble Park, beautiful school, amazing faculty, amazing administrators. Like it's a beautiful building too. It's massive, but they are incredibly, incredibly under enrolled. The property value of this neighborhood is going is skyrocketed. People that are moving into these neighborhoods don't have kids shut the fuck up. They don't have kids to send to the schools with. That's the problem. There's just no kids to send to. There's no school. That is part of it. Yes. There's the families that would send their kids there are being displaced, too, because they cannot continue to afford these. But doesn't Chicago have like an affordable housing scheme where every new property has to have at least like 20, 25% of the units affordable housing to like keep that mix in in developing neighborhoods? You don't think that's helping the situation with the education system? I think it can, yes. And it could be a step in the right direction. That's crazy, though, to think about like this whole like there's just a bunch of young professionals with no kids and there's like a shiny and beautiful school right next to their shiny, very beautiful. It is a nice school. It's it's it's massive. It's definitely a very old school. But like, it's, it's has a has a great facilities. Like it can be used. They had they have like if they had the capacity and funding these facilities to be top notch. But since there isn't much of that allocation of like resources or money like they they can't afford to have teams that can afford to upkeep like the pool, stuff like that. Like it's it's interesting. It's really interesting. The school is in Humble Park in Humboldt Park. What's it called? It's okay if you don't remember. No, I remember. I feel like. Like you don't have to. I don't I don't wanna, like, disclose like the identities of these students because I think is for. Yeah, I mean one of the things I teach these kids to by but the last day is like internet safety and why privacy is so important. It's true. Everything is everywhere all at once nowadays. Hmm. Yeah. No, it is interesting to see like this, just like the way the kids act and the things they say are a direct reflection of their lived experiences. And seeing that it's how different these experiences are across Chicago has been really illuminating. It's still a very segregated city. So I want to, I have a very, uh, I want to switch the conversation over to kind of focus more. We focused on sexual violence prevention as a whole, um, you know, across all sexual orientations and just in general, right? We've talked about it from a 30,000 view perspective, but again, right, like, well, there is a privileged aspect to it when you're like a heteronormative person and you're being taught these things, maybe it might apply to you a little bit better. How do you handle, you know, kids who may be more LGBTQ inclined or like they're still trying to figure out their orientations? Because that is I'm a firm believer that we have to make it. I know. Let these kids know that it's fine and it's normal and that it's okay for them to be them. Right? Like, I feel like most of the sex ed, most of the shit that we get taught is very it comes from a heteronormative lens and bias. How do you manage that when you know you might have some students who don't necessarily conform to the normative angle for sure. And that's also like if they even have some type of sex ed to begin with. And that's a great question. I look forward to this conversation because like I said, like the students are directly reflecting what they see. And what they see is a lot of, like you said, heteronormative, oftentimes violent depictions of relationships, of social interactions on the Internet. So there you are forming this unconscious bias of like what it means to be a man, what it means to be a boy, girl, etc.. They are they're aware of people who are transgender. They don't feel a lot of students do understand it, too. Some students like have family members or maybe questioning themselves in terms of like their gender identity or their sexual orientation. And we have an activity that we that we do. And I feel like I have so many thoughts on it. But like, really, that's why you're here, man. We want to hear your thoughts. So essentially, like the activities, like it's a variation of the man box, woman box activity, the man box women. But activities like. I'm sorry, slow down. Man box. Woman box. Yeah. Okay. Audience, man, box. Woman box. Activity. Yeah, maybe some folks have heard this before, but. It can be a bit more effective if it's done like in a candid and safe space. I feel like oftentimes it can be more reflective if like more if older people do this activity. So I'll explain that to me first and then explain how I. How I tweeted for the kids. Mm hmm. So memo to women about activities that you have a man, woman in a box. What do we. What do we call the ideal man? What do we call the idea woman? And then you list those stereotypes inside the box. What do we call a man that isn't those things? Those things that are outside the box. What do we call woman that is in those things? We put those things outside the box, too. And the point of that active is to show that that there's more than one way to be a man is one way to be a woman. And these social constructs, as arbitrary as they may be, they have real implications and real consequences when people act out on these unconscious biases and try and force people back into this box because it doesn't fit with their their idea of what a man what a woman looks like. So with the kids, I always look forward to having this conversation, the kids, because it's so interesting. And we have like there is a lot of like homophobia and sexism that kids just, like, say, nonchalantly and they don't internalized. I mean. Oh, yeah, bro. I've been talking to a therapist about this. There's like, a lot of shit we learn of what it means to be a man that's just sick. Like it's not right. And it's like I'm 25, right? And it took me years just to realize, like, well, what the fuck? Like, damn, I do carry these things that I don't like, you know, like, I'm sorry, but continues that it's really like, I guess I like that these feelings of like of like blame and shame like that's I feel like that's indicative of not only your connection with yourself, but also your capacity for changing growth. Mm hmm. You could recognize you felt that, and then you can also change to be safer, be healthier, be a better you, be a holder, you. So the what we do with the kids when we talk about gender identities is that you actually talk about gender identity and expression. Mm hmm. And I have them, like, relax. Like you're, like, close. Your eyes are comfortable. So imagine you're you're walking on the sidewalk. If you feel like your knuckles are tense, your jaws tense, just loosen it up a bit. Like, take deep breaths just to get them, like, just relax. Mm hmm. So I asked them, like, you're walking on a sidewalk and you see someone approaching you. As this person gets closer, you see that this person's a man. How do you know? What does man look like? What are they wearing? What are some characteristics? Bunch of kids is a list of a bunch of stuff like, oh, I guess a ripped jeans like oh is he's muscular and tall like people like they do see a bunch of stuff like mustache, facial hair and like, okay, cool. And then we do same thing for women, like. So you're walking on the sidewalk, you see someone approaching you and you see this person, a woman. Like how you know what tells you that? What? What descriptors, what observations can you make? What are they wearing? Mm hmm. That tells you. That informs you that this person, a woman who listens out, then I from the responses, I tell them like, yo, so you all said, it's okay for man to be to do this, to wear this, etc., etc., etc. It's okay for a woman to do this, this, this is this. And then I kind of flip it. I'm like, So can considering the list of men, can a woman do this? Like, can a woman wear basketball shorts? Mm hmm. Can a woman be bald? Mm hmm. Can a woman be muscular? Mm hmm. And students are like, Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Usually, like, when we come to, like, can a woman grow a mustache? You're like, oh, no. Mm hmm. And it's like, hmm. Let's let's let's talk about. Let's pause. What's this? This, this. Discuss this. Because they do grow mustaches. They're just not as big as ours. Students do we have control over how our body hair grows? Think about it. Just like how our hair grows. Like, do we have a character selection? You know, like how we're going to look like. No, we have no control over that. Everyone's body is different. We're all weird and quirky in our own, like, unique ways. So, yeah, you could control what you do with your hair when it grows up. But a woman can grow facial hair. Right. And there's nothing. These are weird. Wow. Right. And then we do same thing for the for the woman. Less like can kind of man wear high heels. People are like, oh, no. And I don't know, like, well, first of all, like, more power to them because like wearing heels that looks super painful. The Cavs like I don't. Yeah, I don't yeah that's something that's all out there. Like it goes into this conversation about fashion, how fashion norms of change over time. And the reality is that there's there's some men that do wear heels, maybe not like the fashionable pointed heels that women wear, but like platforms are big among men. Mm hmm. Like. Yeah. Like, there's a thing we talk about. Like. Like some people say, like, oh, she's wearing a dress. Like, can a can of men were a dress, and they're like, no. And I'm like, Why not? He's like, um. Cause then, like, they do. Like Daniel, like. Like him. I mean, they, they. They don't really know what to say because they've been informed that a man can't wear a dress, but they don't know why. It's just you going to ask, like, yo, like y'all rock me young thug rock with, with, with bad bunny. They've worn dresses that make him any less of a man. And they're like, Nah, they're just dope artists that wanted to defy generals because they can. And that's dope. Like more power to him for for breaking stereotypes like that. I agree. And, um, yeah. So we, we have is this, this conversation go through the list and like make up the big one too. Like men wear makeup and they're like, no, but I'm like, dude, if you've seen if y'all have seen any music, video, any TV show, any movie like men are kicked up in makeup like I was just in Korea a couple of months ago. And it's really cool to see just like how like manicured the culture is. Like, like there is, um, what's it called? Like skin care and like body care and hair care stores everywhere in Korea, men wear makeup. Men are really attentive to to their skin health and everything to hygiene. Yeah, it really is a hygiene thing, too. Are you calling us dirty? What I'm saying is that men. Men can benefit from getting pedicures and manicures. Yeah, some men need. Yeah, they need that stone for sure. And that's where the unconscious bias comes in. Like, people often jump to be like, Oh, no, like, you're a girl if you do that, like, oh, that. The kids are saying like fruity these days and stuff. And then they have a whole conversation about like, like, like I tried to make the connection that by them pulling something out. Mhm. Is othering it, it's creating a division. Mhm. And it's from their lack of understanding of it, they, they're already prescribing this negativity by calling something that they don't like fruity or like we've seen, we've heard that a lot growing up to like the whole like no homo thing too. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? We used to do that. There's like, now kids are saying, like, pause or like a yo and stuff like that. Just ways to, like, essentially control the behavior of their peers and be like, yo, this is unacceptable. If someone's doing this, this thing that that is outside of the gender box, we're going to communicate that this isn't acceptable. It is truly. And it's weird to see. So I try and haven't like made these connections. I'd like to be put on the spot, like to be called out like that. To have your identity put in like a center of attention isn't always the greatest feeling. And we all have multifaceted identities. I try and talk about intersectionality with with young students, obviously not using like the word insertion intersectionality. But I try and then get them thinking more about there's there's this strength. Our differences are strength. There are diversities. Like one thing I tell them and a lot of kids like me, they're being kids like they they, they have these little beefs and they have like contentious relationships with their peers and stuff. They don't trust their classmates, stuff like that. Mm hmm. And that's real. I don't want to get into their individual lives, cause that's not my business. But I do want to let them know that they're on the same team. They're all in school to continue learning, continue growing. They all the shared goal of graduating and pursuing whatever opportunities they can and wants you, right? So that's why I try and like uplift solidarity and remind them that there are much greater concerns that they have a hand in actively resolving. And it begins with these interpersonal relationships, the social emotional learning like they need to be connected with themselves to understand that it's bogus to cross someone else's boundaries. Yeah, that's, uh. Yeah, it's just left to answer your question like that. We do get a lot of resistance when we talk about gender expression, and I feel like that's oftentimes in part because like you were saying, like, we really we live in a really polarized, divisive society and the ah, media culture reflects that too. But kids don't have like the critical thinking to really understand the implications of these things, to understand that bullying behaviors based on someone's identity can lead to greater acts of violence. Mm hmm. Yeah. We can't alienate children. And I think that the society does a really good job of alienating people in general. You know, shout out my ex. But, uh, it's true, you know, elimination, very labor, alienation from your passions. There's a, there's a big what if y what is the meaning of this, right? Because we're so disconnected from the reality of existing, because there's so many other factors involved. And as Mad Men that made a really great point, he was like, When you're poor and you're growing up in poverty, the only thing you know is being poor. And the only thing you care about is the fact that you need more money to not be poor. You don't have time to express yourself and find ways. You just find the. The best way to get out of your situation. Mm hmm. And again, that speaks to the lack of support that we have in the system. And in Chicago, you know, we're supposedly this progressive bastion, and we have all these things designed to help people. But that's kind of it's a facade, right? Like Chicago's probably the most corrupt city in the United States. I mean, we still have the aldermanic system where you can have all your permits, you can have all the licenses everything. But if the alderman doesn't fuck with you, he could just say no. He has like a presidential veto. And so we live in this feudal fucking fiefdom that's like glitzy and glamor. It's like, kind of like, you know, takes you back to the Roaring Twenties when you think about Al Capone running the shots. And I was just at the Green Mill last week. Wonderful place. I highly recommend anyone who likes jazz to go there. They used to be Al Capone's old speakeasy, and it's still running. And, you know, there's something about Chicago. There's something about the way this city operates where it is still very mob like and resources just don't go to the places they need to because people want to exploit and exploit the hardworking, wonderful people that the city has. And it's a damn shame. It's a damn shame. Yeah. I mean, Chicago's like the textbook example of redlining. Yeah. And and sixties MLK called it the most segregated city in America, so probably is one of the most segregated. And it's by design. It really is by design. And it is tragic that, you know, students are not blind to this. Essentially, the like I was saying that this is the reality like a lot of students like especially in neighborhoods where there is a lot of a lot of gun violence and community violence in general, like these kids are like have a guard up or they're in survival mode already. Like it's they can't be kids. And that that's just like that that that to me is so sad. They're already considering about their own survival because that's, that's their reality. Mm. Yeah. I mean, I don't know, it's hard hearing these stories from the kids because they, a lot of, a lot of them, they open up like, they're like, wow, like this person, like once hear my voice and they open up a lot about things they've experienced, things they've seen. And well, it yes, it is hard to hear. There's also like one so much courage in in telling their story, so much bravery and doing that and just being open like that and being honest with oneself. And I also want to remind them that I understand living day to day, you feel like you have to have a guard. I get to like have like a look over your shoulder and everything. Like be really aware of your surroundings, everything. Mhm. And it's, it's a sad reality. However I want to remind them that similar to what they're doing in the moment right now they're lowering your guard. That is also a possibility. They're like safe people. Safe places do exist, safer places, safer people do exist. It's just rather unfortunate that there's not much of an access to it. Yeah, there's a lot of gates behind it. And you make a really good point about letting your guard down. Um, I'm a big believer in being vulnerable. I mean, to a degree, right? Like, you don't want to show your whole hand always. But it's okay to be a little vulnerable with, like, the people you work with or the people you associate with. Like, I, I think that like as friends, we can be very vulnerable with each other. But, you know, like even in a corporate setting, like there are moments where in my life hasn't been too great and I was just vulnerable with my boss just to be like, Hey, I'm going to get my work done, but I might need to take some time here and there to do this because I have some stuff going on, you know, just that it shows your boss or shows whoever you're interacting with, like, oh, this person, trust me enough to let them know, let me know that this is happening with them. And I respect that and I appreciate that they're trust me and respect me enough to be vulnerable with me. You know, it's a very powerful thing to be vulnerable. Obviously, we always have our guard up and we always wear a mask, but sometimes it's okay to show a little bit of what's behind the mask, you know, and when it comes to like romantic or friendships or like, you know, non non work force type shit, being vulnerable is key and honesty is absolutely key. You know, like, I don't know, I'm a big, big believer in vulnerability. I cried every fucking movie I cried at. Coco du Coco was so sad. Yeah Oh, I cried at Coco. I cried at some movie. Oh, my God. Uh, Otto, a man named Otto, a Tom Hanks dude. I bawled my brains out. Oh, my God. And I'm seeing it with a friend. And they fell asleep, and I was, like, crying, and they woke up and, like, what happened? And I'm, like, shedding fucking tears. Like, that movie was so good. I highly recommend that movie. Also, Puss in Boots, too. Oh, well, all right, let's let's give a good shout out to Puss in Boots to the final wish that she had me crying. We watched it together. Yeah, I think we were all crying. Yeah, my aunt recommended it a while ago, and. Yeah, it was. It was. It was quality. It was a it was a great movie. I feel like storytelling is a very effective vessel of communicating ideas, representations and possibilities, really. I'm a big fan of like of you up and I'm a big fan of like of like animated media as a whole because I feel like there's like this this very, like, thoughtful approach where people like, in the most ideal scenarios like the creatives would make, would publish something animated for kids, but also they are not unaware that there's someone with the kid. So it's cool revisiting a bunch of like, like stuff I've seen as a young child because then I can like pick up on like more of the adult show because I feel like so many adult books. Yeah, the biggest, I guess, example of this could be like. Like Shrek, probably. Mm hmm. And, like, Shrek is still going on, and people still love Shrek and everything. And it has this kind of a cult following to it, because not only was it a great story when we were kids, like a love story, but it also has like so many subtle jokes in it too, which is like, so cool to see. And I love to see like, like, yeah. It's just great art, great storytelling. Representation matters. Representation matters big time. I was talking to Andre about that and he told me that it's actually shocking that in movies the actual overall representation of African-American and minorities has been the same, except there's been like gigantic jump among Asian representation in movies lately, which I guess makes sense, right? Like you have the Marvel Universe, you have, like, Shang Chee, and you have like a lot of big Awkwafina. You have like a lot of big Asian people coming onto the scene, which is also like the cultural shift of, of anime being more accepted to the mainstream. And this like I want to say, like this rise, but like this, this broad popular culture of different arts. And I feel like that we're going to see that more since now we're more exposed to diverse ourselves and perspectives. No, I think it's wonderful. Have you ever seen the movie Moonlight? I have a great. Oh, what's his name? My Mahesh Maharaj shallowly. Right. Got a great actor. And that movie Moonlight, I think kind of has a lot of through lines and has a lot of relevancy to your conversation about sexual violence prevention and like allowing people to feel safe and vulnerable. Because if you remember in that movie, right, I'm not going to tell anybody what happens. But the guy, you know, it never got to fully express himself, ever. That was like the whole point in the movie and the ending in the movie was just so tragic. You know, I feel like that's how a lot of a lot of people that unfortunately experience that. And it's it's I imagine it doesn't it can't feel right to suppress yourself if you're in tons of very stressful. Oh, it's awful man. Like I can't imagine the guy had so much so much baggage and just like to never imagine never being able to release who you are as your true self. This sounds fucking terrible. I feel that. Yeah. Like, I think there's there's so much. So much trans transformation and so much strength and authenticity like to really be your your full, authentic self. I think that's like a beautiful expression of your your individuality and your your life because that's yours. Like that's I think that's something really cool about that. But yeah, I feel like, yeah, there's, there's definitely been a, from what I've seen in terms in terms of like media representations, there's definitely been a more of a conscious approach to the things I feel when it comes to talking about like conversations of identity, conversation and mental health and really just like interpersonal relationships too. Like I feel like, like there is a shift in media representations of people themselves, but also like, like relationships too. I think so too. I think there's more. There needs to be more representation of non heteronormative relationships in my opinion. But I think it's getting there, you know, like I think it's good. Yeah, it's improving. It's not improving enough. My biggest thing is like I have a really I have a huge issue with like this whole, like, anti-trans thing. Um, because like when I was in college and throughout my life, I've had good, you know, a lot of friends, coworkers who were trans and like to hear their stories. It's wrong. It's wrong, you know, like, just because this person feels a way, you don't understand. Like, imagine it's your own fucking if your own child you don't understand your own child. You're like, Well, get the hell out of my life. Like, No, that's your child. You do whatever you want. You do whatever you gotta do for your child and. So to here, it's really a shame that there are a lot of pundits and stuff are scapegoating trans people and it's like because I get it right, like they're easy. They don't identify in these boxes, but it's not right. You know, like these people are very intelligent, they're very talented. And to just that's another issue I have. I feel like the media likes to do like with representation, like say you're like, you know, bisexual or gay or non-binary, right? You could be a famous actor. But then as soon as you say, Oh, I identify as this, then the narrative is no longer this guy or this person. This woman is a wonderful actor, right? It's oh, they're a wonderful this actor, gay, straight, non-binary, you know, it's all not straight, but like gay, bisexual, like that becomes your title. And that's not right. It's like you don't do that to straight people. Why? Why are you going to do that? Why you got to do that to and other people? What the fuck? Like, why is that the thing that goes before everything? I hate that when I'm reading the news and like they came out as this, I'm like, that's great for them. Good. But it's like they're a person. I don't think they want people writing opinion pieces about them coming out. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, that's their life. We shouldn't tread on that. We should just respect it and let them be. Oh, grinds my gears. No, I 100% agree, and I feel like it, like sort of for a lot of this these violations, these types of violences are interconnected like this. I know we before we started recording this episode, we talked about like what you just mentioned, rape culture. But I feel like, like rape culture is beyond this being like a real concept. Like we're living in one too. And we see that with this anti-trans rhetoric for the audience, can you just kind of define radical as essentially like a culture that enables sexual violence? Okay, violence against women enables people to to have their their power control taken away and be told that's just what it is. Boys will be boys. Can you repeat the statement you made last night? It was very good. It was talking about how, like we always say, oh, a woman should be out shouldn't be out late at night because it's dangerous. Absolutely. But it's like, wait a minute, why don't we reframe it to if you're a guy or somebody out at night and you see a woman, don't fucking bother them. Exactly. That that the fact that our default when it comes to talking about how to keep ourselves safe, we always hear these these victim blaming comments like like don't walk alone at night, don't drink too much. Um, some what it communicates is that it's your responsibility to keep yourself safe from other people. It's accepting that the world is violent and nothing we can do about it. So that goes into rape culture, too, that like this, violence is inevitable. I know you were saying earlier in terms of representation like that is like the the hegemony, the dominant culture, at least in United States, is white, heterosexual. SUSSMAN So that is because this is a privileged class in our in our society that is oftentimes a default of everything. It's oftentimes framed that this is a default. Anything else is like an othered. And it's so subtle that we see this in news and in in movies and in just popular culture in general. Like like the white straight male lead is oftentimes seen as like the voice of reason, like the everyday person, like the default thing. Like it's really interesting, honestly, like in like some of the more interesting classes they took in college were about like media studies and representations and how formative like media can really be and just reflecting the world. But oftentimes that reflection isn't accurate for everybody. It's mainly it's it reflects it, but under the guise of manufacturing consent and like in the words of Noam Chomsky, things are designed subtly to make you feel the way that the powers or whoever is in power might want you to feel, you know, like nationalism, polarization, right Like the media is still it's not very independent, you know, it's very corporate. And so it's tough. It's tough to forget, like good news and it's tough to know what's right and what's wrong. And like, obviously, you know what's right and wrong internally. But to hear all these talking heads, it's hard to be like, okay, what the hell is going on here? You know, I think this issue you see that, too, because it's just like it's so deep about it too. Like default is oftentimes a very binary default. Some things that are yes or no, something's for everybody. Something's either right or wrong. And that's already a judgment call. And a you're ascribing something as an absolute. Hmm. And I feel like that's a very easy thing to do, but I also feel like life isn't always like that. A decision isn't inherently the right decision because it's not a vacuum like that. Like we can make safer choices. We can make like healthier decisions for sure. They may not be right. They may not always be right, but they're just decisions we make. And almost like a kind of confusion to understand by feeling like we live in a very binary world. Oh, so it has to be black and white because people don't like gray. Exactly. There's no nuance to a lot of things. And and to me, to be presented by A or B one or zero. Yes, no. Right, wrong. To your point, it sounds like it's manufacture consent. Do you agree to this or not? Right. There's a a certain forfeiture of control in complying with this, this binary system. Mm. So understanding that there are systems of power that perpetuate messages of this binary, it seems a little one sided. Oh yeah. It seems very sensible. I agree. I don't know I have when it comes to like representation in media, stuff like that. Right. Like just, just grinds my gears. Like, I don't know, like I'm not I, I believe in fairness, you know, I like to I'm not an optimist. I'm pretty I'm a realist, but I am optimist. I am optimistic about, like, future prospects and the way the world is going, even though it might seem that things aren't going as great as maybe they should be. But, you know, to wrap it up, kind of like with a nice little bow, why don't we I want you to tell me some advice on sexual violence prevention. What can I take away from this conversation and apply it to my daily life, be it as a bystander, be as somebody who maybe is romantically involved with somebody or platonically inclined, whatever it may be. Right. What what tips can you like? Three tips that you can give me to be better and more cognizant of preventing sexual violence. That's a that's a great question. So the three tips I think the first one is communication is very important. Authentic communication, active listening, giving someone your full attention when it comes to communicating is very important. Be aware of your own emotions and doing that as well. Like keep in mind your physiological response. If your emotions, if you're getting anger, if you're in anger, if you're raising your voice, if you're insulting, like be aware that those dynamics impede on healthy communication. Mhm. That's the first thing I think. Well those are one thing. Look I got you. So I love talking about this stuff. Theories is all about safety. It's all about like like touch and what's inside of us changes what's around. Tell me what I got to do. So another thing too, if you have young people in your life, believe them, be a trusted adult in their lives, be a trusted adult in young people's lives. Yeah. Establish honesty, establish like confidentiality with them, respect them, listen to them. Kids are are navigating the world in a in a pretty like precarious way right now with the. With how much time they spend on the Internet. It's really important to have this conversation about what they're seeing. Just make sense of it. To do more research, encourage more engagement, more more criticism, more curiosity. So being a trusted adult to help guide the young person in your life, it could do a lot for them, not only as a means of of knowledge attainment, but also you can be a positive role model for them. That's true. That's true. That is true, too. Is a trusted adult in young people's lives. Yeah. And I guess the third thing to really prevent sexual violence. Oof! I think it's important. I think it's important to be aware of your own safety, be aware of your own boundaries, your own limits and capacities. If you feel like something isn't right, if you notice something that like maybe was not like the safest, healthiest, most respectful thing, like assess your options. Like, what can you do to not only to kill yourself, but to promote more safety? So can can you directly intervene? Can you check in with someone afterwards? Can you take notes of what's happening? Like, how can you process what's happening and promote safety in that moment and be so that's must be again, like bystander intervention piece. Like if you see something, say something. Like if you see someone who looks visibly scared by their body language, like you can check in with them. Something I tell the kids a lot is it's better to try and fail, but not try at all. You miss harm percent of the shots you don't take. Exactly. So shoot your shots. Kings and queens and non-binary people are royalty. Yeah. Also that I feel like there's. I was actually talking with you about this last night, too, when I walk home, like, I don't want to I don't want to, like, shame anyone for being who they are. I don't want anyone to feel like they're, like, on the spot, maybe because they've been complicit to some type of boundary infraction or sexual sexual violence. However, I do want folks to to to listen as well as message communication is very important. Like communication is not so much just like listening to respond, but it's listening to understand. So if someone's saying like, no, leave me alone, like, it doesn't mean try harder. Mm hmm. Playing hard to get doesn't exist. It's just toxic and unhealthy. The kids these days time risen. Everything. It's hilarious. Like, I don't like the word. I'll be real. Yeah, it's funny, though. It's really funny to see like that raised to them is is like game to us. It's charisma. It's like. It's it's it's confidence. Yeah. Stuff like that. So one of the students is so funny. Last week we're talking about sexual harassment versus flirting. Only difference is that one's wanted it. One's not wanted. Oh, God, that's really the only difference. I know. But I feel like the kid said some dumb shit. You know, this students, like. Like I would give them a straight scenario. And this man is like, now that. That's that's horizon. Oh, is this horizon right there, like my friend does? That is amazing. I'm gonna use that next time harassment don't her people. Yeah. And that's the thing too. Like, I understand. Like I'm. I'm talking a lot, but I know that's yeah. You're a guest on the part that I know that like I mean it's like, come on, sexual violence, assault, rape, trafficking, child sexual abuse. These are very dark topics. They can bring up lots of strong emotions. Students alongside storytelling. I feel like like humor can be a good way to connect with them. So as long as they're understanding it, but also understanding the importance of it and how real it is, they can they can still be kids and have fun. Like they can still call out people for sex, call out their classmates or whatever for sexually harassing in a way that's comfortable for them. If you like, just think you'll like, leave them all. Unless Allred's like, don't do that. Like calling out their friends. That's a way of not only calling out that the behavior that may be like offending someone, but it's also like calling them in to be like, yo, like, I'm going to lift you up to the standard of respect. Because like I said, when you feel safe and you feel comfortable with your environment, with the people you surround yourself with, you can be your full self if you're not like scared, concerned that like you might be sexually harassed, you won't be bullied. Yeah. So if you, if you're interested in talking to someone that you find attractive or you might think there's a vibe, you guys give each other the urge or whatever, come in with these three tips. Authentic communication, active listening. Be aware of your own emotions as Tip wants our tip to be a trusted adult in young people's lives. Well, I guess that just that's not really contextual but use it and then three be aware. Of your own safety and your own boundaries. You know, it's totally fine to approach people as long as you do have the respect and consent. If they say they're not interested, leave. So it is not that hard. You don't lose anything. Just be nice. That's all we ask. Um, man, this has been a wonderful conversation. You are a treasure trove of knowledge when it comes to sexual violence and understanding how to prevent it and how to navigate it for all folks. You know, not just heteronormative folks, all everybody that is a human, because that's exactly what is happening here. Before we wrap this up, do you have anything you want to tell our lovely listeners? Oh, I'm really, really grateful for the opportunity to talk about this. Obviously, I could talk about this for a very long time. Yeah, it's I know that the the world can feel very isolating and very violent, especially now with with the ongoing conflict in Gaza. I think solidarity is very important. Solidarity, empathy, safety. It's what makes us human. And we could do so much more for United. That's true. But they don't want us united. That's why, you know, systems change and then some systems bring about their own demise. Something new grows. That's. That's life. That's evolution. Societal evolution. Um, but thank you, man, for, like, doing what you do with the kids and adults especially. Like, I learned a lot just being your friend. Um, and I think it helps me conduct myself better and be a more aware civilian in general. So thank you for what you're doing for our society and for our community in this lovely city of Chicago. With that being said, we're going to wrap this up with a nice little bow. Thank you to all the lovely listeners that tuned in to learn a lot of very useful information about sexual violence prevention and just navigating in general situations of that sort. Like in Subscribe to Next Step, Chicago, we will have another episode next week. It will. I don't know who is going to be, but hey, if you know anybody cool but DM me and we can maybe have them on the part. I'm looking for more guest so let me know if you know anybody cool or if you think you're cool. Shit. Let's shoot the shit, see what's up. And, uh, till next time. All right. Peace.