Love That Survives

We talk about whether love can survive time and why regret grows when we fail to value the people closest to us. I lay out how love lasts through growth, communication, and grace, and where the line is when love turns into harm and chaos. 
• gratitude for the people we cherish and the cost of taking them for granted 
• love surviving time as a choice built on effort, resilience, and mutual agreement 
• love languages and the need to let your partner grow and change 
• self-checks on voids, attachment, and the truths we avoid 
• how familiarity drives our choices even with “more options” 
• my communication blind spots and how miscommunication burns good connections 
• love without boundaries becoming chaos and feeding insecurity 
• consistency, asking “why,” and hearing someone out before conclusions 
• trauma, invisible battles, and making space for hard seasons 
• grace with boundaries and deciding when to try again or walk away 
If you had that special someone that you lost or is still with you, just let them know that you're always there for them, and you'll always love them forever and forever. 

Transcript

Gratitude And The One That Got Away

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Thank you for tuning in to another episode of A Saints. Guys, welcome back. We made it. We made it through another week. Some easy, some harder, some in between. But that's the beauty of life. We all walk the same road, but all have different situations. And that's to be grateful because I believe that if we all were the same, I mean, where would be the individuality, right? So I would like to take this time and give thanks to the people that we love. The people that we cherish. The people that are very close to our hearts. That we never want to lose, we never want to, you know, mistreat them or mistaken them. Because when they're gone, they're gone. And the likelihood of us finding somebody else, yeah, we can find somebody else. We can earn somebody's love and we can make new memories and things, but we always will forget, we'll never forget the one that got away. Now, some are lucky enough to rekindle that relationship with that with that special someone, and we can actually just be thankful that we have that opportunity while others miss out, and it's not something that you know we want to take for granted because we took it for granted at the time, we didn't really know their presence, but you know, it's it's um it's a funny thing because we always feel that they would never leave, you know. They we always feel that they will always be there. But I think we always forget too that they too are human and they too have feelings, and it's never just like one-sided. So I would like to just tip my hat up to the people who were kindled and fixed and worked through it and then started over, and now you're stronger than ever, but also tip my hat to the people who are strong enough to hold out and understand that that time that you have with that special someone is unforgettable, and just allow yourself to feel that, and it's okay to have them come back in your mind sometimes and um you know, replace some images that you remember, some moments, a special time, the unforgettable place, the sunsets, the meal, the laughs, the angers, the arguments, the understandings, all that into one ball of emotions. We never want to live with regret. I think that when you live with regret of that, it creates uh bitterness, the unanswered questions, the the what ifs and the what buts. But it's okay to allow yourself to feel and to understand that either that person is suffering or they have moved on. So

Can Love Survive Time

SPEAKER_00 5:45

that leads me into our topic. Can love survive time or there is a limit? I believe that love can survive time, but I also believe that it also has a limit. And you're asking, Ken, why would you even pose that question? It doesn't make sense. Well, hear me out. Love that can survive time is something that's special, that's something that you worked hard for, something that both parties have agreed to. With no matter what the circumstances are, we will be able to get through this, and that are two strong individuals who made a decision to understand one another to a point of where you can say, I did it, I found my person, I found that person that I feel that I want to spend the rest of my life with. They make me feel secure. Now, with love, it's not a gray area to that. Love is the emotion that you have to show, you know. Everybody has different definitions of it, everybody has a way of showing it, you know. And if you were to spend time with that person and get to know them and understand that everybody's love language is different, but see, that's what makes it so unique, that's what makes a relationship so understanding. Do you know that every person in this world had hearts broken, had crushes, and every last one of us either got hurt or still happy. But I feel that love that survives time is a true testament to people's resilience and wanting to understand that person because that person changes, that person that you're with will never be the same, and nor do you want them to. Let me tell you why. You fell in love with the person, right? That that caught your attention, right? You never want them to feel that they don't have room to grow. Because I mean, why would you want to be with the same person that you met? The beauty of life is us learning together and growing together and understanding that this life changes, so we have to change. Either we, you know, we have a new job that requires us to be stronger than what we were, the sacrifices that you had to make in certain times of turmoil or or you know, good fortune that led you to who you are today. There were problems that occurred that maybe hardened your heart, and it made you look at life in a whole different light. We're human, we have that ability to choose that sometimes, even when we feel that we are making the right choice and we do tell ourselves, like, I know that person, I love them.

Self Love Or Filling A Void

SPEAKER_00 10:40

But within that, do I love myself enough? People is always gonna make mistakes. Or is it just because that they made you feel a certain type of way? And then you are calling it love? Were they filling a void inside of you that you just couldn't face yourself? Was it something that they pointed out within you that made you always look at the ugly bits of yourself? Because sometimes we would throw away people because they're bringing out truths within us, they make us feel a certain type of way that we have to come to grounds with, they force us to become better. Most people don't want to become better though. Some people like to wallow in their own self-pity and then cover it up in a way of saying, you know, I am whole, or I got this. They hold that so close to them because they feel that if I hold on to this, I would never forget that feeling. But you know, that is the blackness in their heart, the blackness is their regret to their weaker self, they haven't moved on from the hurts and the pains and the distrust, the dishonesties of their past, and so when they actually meet somebody, and that person may not even be whole either, but something attracted each other, right? You don't just like somebody because of the way they look, or you know, the way they make you feel, you sense something that was I don't know, like familiar, right? And within that familiarity, you decided to be with that person. That wasn't a mistake. You understood that they were something that you were missing, so never beat yourself up because you chose somebody that wasn't perfect, not everybody can be what you want, but you can learn through trial and error, and I I know that it's not the ideal thing to say because in today's age you have so many options, right? But let's just be realistic right now. If you had so many options, you could have chosen, it's abundance, right? If you go to a buffet and you have so many choices, most of the time you always go to where you're familiar with. Why? Because you already know the outcome of that taste, and then what you would do is you would take the stuff that you're familiar with, and then you will add something new. Think about that. So that means you took you took a model that you were used to and you sprinkled it with some sugar. What does that mean, Ken? That means that you met somebody and they wasn't the best, right, but you were familiar with. But somewhere in your mind, you knew they were different. So that little bit of sugar that you sprinkled was hope, something different, something new. Because they gave you it a different type of taste, even though it was still within the same realm of what you're used to. We all search for that special someone, but that special someone you found already. Maybe you don't really know why that you feel that type of way, or why they're even in your life, or why would they care about you so much? They care about you because they actually do care about you. It may not come across in a way that you think, though. And some things that they do may look suspect, and you may have caught them on a couple things. But what they do is people do change.

Communication Breakdowns And Losing People

SPEAKER_00 17:12

People can't always stay the same, they can't, they won't, especially if you're trying to start like a family and they have to grow, they have to understand, they have to go through certain things, and you may not be able to help them. Some people are really, really bad at communicating. Can I one of them? I'm good at talking, right? But when it comes down to stuff that I'm struggling with or I'm hurt with, the people who are close to me is usually the ones that get burnt, or they feel that it's something else, or they feel like they're the problem, and it's been a trend in my life that my communication is only good when I'm in good mood, like when everything is in good standing in my life, not in my relationships. When Ken is in a good headspace and everything is going the way it should, then you get the version of Ken that you want, that you like, that you are comfortable with. Definitely something I have been working on. But I have lost a lot of people along my journey. Some that I needed to go because it was just a moment that taught me a lesson. Why others I really wish that they were still around, and it's not even about me being you know, um, greedy because I want to hold on to everything, or because it's just hard for me to let go, but because they brought a side out of me that I didn't even know was there, but in hindsight, I had so much on my mind, and it probably took everything within them to stick around because they don't know that I'm fighting a whole war internally and externally. I'm fighting against my life, and sometimes it's really hard for me to be there for them, and I think that's where a lot of us kind of get confused at because we want to be that person, that strong person, you know, they say they want to be there for you, but to them, some people can be very selfish because maybe you made mistakes in the past that made them feel unsafe, and because of the miscommunication that makes them feel that there's something going on, and it makes them feel foolish, it makes them feel stupid. And I am one to allow time to teach us what's really important, and I believe that love can survive time because I feel like that's the one emotion that was always there since the beginning of time was love. Before there were stars in the moon. That love was just as small but just as big. Because we are here, people on this earth are here because of love. And to throw that away, I feel like is the base level of humanity. That if you throw that love away, then you lose yourself, you lose your actual mind. So people that who are dear to us, who we care about, who we love, we'll understand that for me to show you my love, you also have to be shown my pain, to be shown my insecurities, to be shown what I think what makes love so beautiful. Because you can accept me through my flaws, and if you can't do that, then it was never love to begin with, it was lust. And

When Love Turns Into Chaos

SPEAKER_00 23:34

that brings me to the next topic. Love that can't reside in time. I can't push through those borders because it was probably the wrong type of love. That love has been perverted throughout time, based off of people's selfishness and greed, miscommunications of time, what's going on, the trials of life, the culmination of bitterness, chaos is breed through the wrong type of love. And Ken, what are you talking about? For an example, what is war? Right? War is what happens when you allow love to be used for chaos. War is something that you are fighting for, something that you're standing on business. You are using that as an excuse to be violent, to bring chaos, to bring confusion. That type of love can be transformed into annihilation. That love can dictate other people's lives that are close, that can break up families, that can kill children. Love that is not present is chaos. It's chaos. It's chaos because there's no bottom line. It's just raw emotion. Without stipulations, without boundaries, without some restraint. Love that doesn't survive time is somebody who just gave up. Somebody who just used the person. Somebody who taught you something and you threw that all away. No, you can't do that. Love is something that can make a person see themselves and understand themselves and want to fix themselves because they also love that person. So they don't want to be a burden. There is things in our lifetime that happen for a reason. And to understand that with love becomes understanding of one's life. But when you strip that away, it breeds chaos. It breeds instability. It breeds insecurities. It breeds thoughts, negative thoughts of I'm not worthy. Why do people play with me? Why do people think I'm a joke? All I want is one simple thing. To be consistent. Consistency can change. Instead

Consistency Questions And Second Chances

SPEAKER_00 28:11

of asking, what are you doing? Ask them why. Instead of automatically coming up with a idea of what you think you know because of something that they did in the past, ask them what's going on. People go through things every single day. They're not going to be a hundred percent. But you have to want to be with that person. You have to love them so much. I think, and I'm only speaking from my experience. You can have given people chances. Multiple chances, right? But are those multiple chances because you feel that it is something that is worth it? Because you see something within them that can help you? Or did you give them chances because you feel like I'm only doing that because I know I can get something from them. And I know that they're going to hurt me. So it gives me juice to be who I want to be. And I have an excuse. People make excuses within themselves all the time to justify their actions. You don't even know what a relationship can turn into if it's really that toxic. If it's really that bad. Just like we all have.

Abandonment Fears And Being Truly Seen

SPEAKER_00 31:42

It was a defense mechanism because my life I've never really had people to stay. People always walked away from me. Whether I did something or not. People tell me a lot that they care about me or they love me or I'm special. I'm easy to deal with or I'm easy to talk to. But they never stay. I have been burnt so many times because of that. Through family, through friends. I've always had people just walk away. So I somewhere in my mind I had the offense mechanisms of, you know, if I can just keep certain people close, and I know eventually they will leave me. Because that's just what they do, you know. Because I want something so bad that maybe I push them away without really knowing. It's never been my goal. But this is where the people that I'm talking to or want to have that intimate relationship with, are they even asking me the right questions? Do they even take the time to care enough? Yeah, you can say words of I'm always here, and but no, you're not. Because if you was always here and knowing when I mess up, it's coming from somewhere. Because the reason why people always say that Ken is it's so easy to talk to you is because I'm meeting you where you are, I'm asking the right questions. I'm studying you, but are you really studying me? Do you even want to study me? Or are you just after what I can offer, or are you just after how I make you feel? Are you a slave to the feeling? Or are you a slave to the possibilities of what something can turn into? I think as of late, you know, in the last few years, I have been able to be a little bit more open with my feelings, you know, and relinquishing a lot of past trauma. But what's happening now is when you release trauma, they kind of personify and become this whole different entity sometimes.

Trauma Triggers And Asking The Right Questions

SPEAKER_00 35:00

Trauma can be in different stages, especially when if you're in a relationship or talking to somebody, they don't really know that, and especially if they're not around you all the time, they have to see you to understand, right? They have to be in your presence. But if this is a something that you're not around them all the time, and you're not physically there, you're not physically seeing the pain that they're going through, it's hard to understand. So if you're not physically there, then you have to ask the right questions. A man has a lot that they have to deal with, just like a woman has a lot that they have to deal with, but for a woman it's more internally. You guys are dealing and wrestling with your mind for a man, everything is externally, so there's a lot of bullets coming from a lot of directions. Some things are we're blindsided with. We can have a really good day, and then bam, a bullet hit us in the back. We didn't even see it coming, and we went from being all happy and go jolly to depressed, sad, we might need some time away. And our loved ones who who are around us, they're used to you being one way, and then when you're suddenly changed up, they automatically assume it's something bad. It's not always what it seems, but if you can just ask the right questions so you can get to the root version, so you can understand, it makes things so much easier if you really, really, really care about somebody, guys. Take the time so they can understand, so so you can level with them. Sometimes apologies is not enough. I get it. Maybe that person just hurt you too much. I understand. But nobody's perfect. If that person is going through something, I feel like it's within your best interest to at least hear them out, to at least allow them to say they peace. Everybody's fighting an invisible battle, and if you have that understanding, I feel like relationships will become so much more easier because there's just a understanding of like, okay, yeah, this today is just their day, they're this month, this week, they're going through it, and have enough um discipline and maturity to give them that time, but not always jumping to conclusions because you don't know what they're going through unless they tell you, and never judge a person because of those feelings that they're feeling weak, or you feel that they're it's you you brush it off because to them it's something quite important, and that is something I'm also telling myself because I do have problems when it comes to certain things that I feel in my heart that you can work through, but maybe not to them. It is something that we all have to come to terms with, but that comes with maturity and that comes with understanding that to give people grace, and I hope that everybody that is listening to this understand that that's special someone that either that you lost or you have, or allow them to hear this one. People

Grace Boundaries And Knowing When To Walk

SPEAKER_00 40:12

aren't perfect, you have to give people grace. That is what love is, that's the start of it. But if it cannot survive the times, it's only because that person is doing you harm, it is changing you. But if you know that they're going through some stuff, that you have an awareness of it, but you are still penalizing them, then was it true love, or was it just a fleeting time that you used them for? Hey, understand this: you will never be blessed, you will never find somebody that you're looking for if you continue to go this route. Because what you do to somebody, it will come back and it will be done to you the worst way possible. So ask yourself: are you walking away because you are protecting a peace that you just know for a fact that that person has no love for you? Or are you walking away because you are scared of the possibilities that they ask they can actually be something of good for you? But they will bring out the ugliness in you. If that is, if it's the latter, if it's the second thing, do you know that the person that's bringing out the ugliness in you is somebody that you need, not some not somebody that you want, these are the questions that you have to ask yourself and be serious, it's not always about sex, it's not always about the feelings. Sometimes we have to throw out the feelings and understand that if a person is pulling out something that you have been trying to hide from yourself, and if you have people that are around you that's giving you bad advice, yeah, just leave that person, it's okay. You can find somebody else, obviously, but that somebody else might bring you something that you never even had to deal with in the beginning. Sometimes it's good to already deal with the devil that you already know, then as opposed to the devil that is unknown, so you cannot allow yourself to just be on your feelings all the time, it doesn't get you anywhere, it allows you to keep running and it gives you this false sense of security, knowing in the back of your mind that's not what you wanted to do. Protection is only based off of actual harm being done and the changing of your spirit. But if that person isn't really doing those things and you're just in the realm of uncertainties and insecurities, well, let's just get to the root part of it. You can't just feel bad about somebody, and then you decide, like, yeah, they're bad for me. They're changing me because they're just doing things I just don't understand, and they keep doing it. Before you make that decision, really get all your facts straight because you could be walking away from somebody who is just hurt and just trying to work things out because maybe they're working it out for you, and they don't want to drag you into their mess because you have enough to deal with with yourself, and maybe that also can create some distrust as well because they're not talking to you, maybe they just don't know how to say it, they don't even want to become a burden, but you have to trust each other to get to that realm, to get to that, to get to that secret place between you two. You have to give people grace. So,

Final Rules For Trying Again

SPEAKER_00 44:38

I close on this. Give yourself time to sort out the feelings and the misunderstandings, and then go back and tackle it. And if it still gives you those same problems and those same feelings and that same misunderstanding, then okay, then you walk away because guess what? You tried, you turn back around and you try it again. If it happens once, shame on you. If it happens twice, shame on them. They can't be a third time. So it's your boy Kendall Whiz and I thank you guys for tuning in and hear me. And if you had that special someone that you lost or is still with you, just let them know that you're always there for them, and you'll always love them forever and forever.

SPEAKER_01 46:07

Peace. I'll pick you up with you.