Working For The Man Every Night And Day

What is literature?  What is pastry?  What is that guy doing staring at us?

Transcript

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Hello, and welcome to the Blackley Creek Project podcast, Season 2, Episode 5, “Working For The Man Every Night And Day”, May 17, 2024, starring your American Host and your British Host. I've always wondered which man that was. I think it's just a figure of speech. The man is the authoritative figurehead who controls the means of production and is the person who pays the wages of the proletariat. Like a platypus controlling me. What? We've all got a platypus controlling us. I suppose if the platypus is some kind of metaphor for the bourgeoisie, then I guess I would agree with you. I feel like you're just a couple of steps from urging the workers of the world to unite. No, that would be working for the state every night and day. That was a lengthy and unnecessary segue into the show. I am your American Host. Your supply-side capitalist American Host. And I am your British Host. No modifiers or clarifiers there? Just British? Just British. Not even English Socialism? You do know that's not a real thing, right? Wasn't it a thing in the 80s? It was a fictional element of the book Nineteen Eighty Four. Was that the thing with the Guy Fawkes masks? That was V for Vendetta. Aren't they the same thing? Alan Moore wishes they were. I'm an American, so I'm an expert in telling when shots are fired. I mean, I drop a major bombshell into the discussion at the end of the last episode, and you guys are contrasting and comparing dystopian British literature? Well, Nineteen Eighty Four was a book, so it was literature. V for Vendetta was a serial comic which was collected into a graphic novel, so, I'm not sure that counts as literature. That feels like a very narrow view of what constitutes literature. Yeah, Bob Dylan won the 2016 Nobel Prize for Literature for writing poetic songs. Literature is just the printed verbal expression of idea and emotion. So you would consider a transcript of this podcast to be literature? No. Not really. Compared to what? Who would read that? I read part of it for the intro. Sorry, yes, of course you're right. Do you consider it literature? No. Now that my feelings have been thoroughly trampled, let's pick up where we left off. Wait, I don't think it's literature, either. I didn't get a turn. Everyone good now? You stink! I'm going to be honest, Uber Girl, I forgot you were still here. Apology accepted. Not an apology. Now, are we all good? I think so. May I continue? You had just revealed that you had tracked down a miner slash alien slash graphic novelist. Graphic novelist? I'm extending my definition of literature to cover whatever this guy is doing. Consider it personal growth. So, yeah, we tracked him down and Hang on, you're getting a little ahead of everyone else. Just skip to the part where I pulled up in the hum vee and said, "Get in losers, we're going to the airport". Fine. After we took the book back to our room, we both got text messages on our phones to head downstairs for pickup from our rideshare. We hadn't ordered a rideshare, so we were obviously concerned. And that's when I rolled up in the hum vee. And I saw them and rolled down the window and said We know, we know. It's not my fault you're like, in love with that line. I just have a lot of feelings. How did you know you could trust him? How did you know it was the General? He said, "Trust me, I'm the General." Sounds legit. But what if he had been a shape-shifting alien or whatever your outlandish hypothesis is? Well, it's a little late for us to consider that now. Yeah, it all worked out, and everything's fine. But General, how did you even find them? I dropped clues about meeting them at Primera Luz and you're asking how I figured out they'd be there? I retract the question. So, they got in and we went to the airport. To Harry Reid International Airport on Wayne Newton Boulevard? Go ahead and Google it, that's the name and that's where it is. We drove north. Of course you did. I'm sorry, I don't understand the significance of driving north from Las Vegas. That's where Area Fifty One is. I don't know what you're talking about. You literally just told us you took them to an airport north of Las Vegas. Did he not take you to Area 51? Maybe? It's tough to say. The back of the hum vee was tinted and our phones didn't work. We got out a couple of hours later in an airport hangar. He introduced us to a couple of his subordinates. You met more Army guys? Colonel Corn, Major Award, and Captain Obvious. You're putting me on. Look, it's not like I'm the one who makes up their code names. Then who is? It's a very nice lady at the Pentagon who enjoys a good game of Scrabble. She's been in charge of codenames for decades. We call her Miss Patty. Is that her code name? Yes. Her real name is just Patty. Why not Peppermint Patty? Where was that suggestion when we needed it thirty years ago? I feel like that's another copyright thing. For a while she was into weight lifting. Please don't. We called her All Beef Patty. Okay. Then for a while she suffered from an overwhelming existential dread. She was afraid of everything. Please don't. So we called her Chicken Patty. Please stop now. She's a great baker. Why are you doing this? We enjoy Patty's Cakes. This is going sideways. When she's angry we call her Crabby Patty. There isn't really a Patty, is there. No. Are the Colonel, Major, and Captain real? They're real. They worked for me. They were the key personnel in my special task force. They were? Past tense? What happened to them? I'm telling a story from seven months ago. We've all moved on from that job to other jobs. So the matter of the Peruvian aliens was wrapped up in a tidy package? We're trying to tell that story. I have to ask, though, General, why you seem to be so much more willing to discuss everything. Previously you were cryptic and inscrutable. Previously I was under orders not to get engaged with your efforts to investigate. And what are your orders now? With respect to you guys? Yes. Nothing, really. My bosses consider the Peruvian mystery to be sufficiently examined, if not solved. So why are you still hanging out with us? Mainly Orlando at this point. I just want to irritate him. I can't say that I appreciate your desire to irritate our only confirmed fan. I have my reasons. Orlando knows my reasons. No! Do not introduce another unlikely and unrelated side story! I'll save my Orlando story. Thank you. For now. So you all got to the hangar where Larry, Darryl, and Darryl Corn, Award, and Obvious. Yeah, those guys. Why do you assume they're men? Pardon? The American armed forces are not just men. It's like five men for every woman, so I feel like saying "guys" is okay. It's still presumptuous. Fine. Those gender-non-specific uniformed personnel. Better? Apology accepted. I didn't But they were guys. All three of them. Pardon? Corn, Award, and Obvious. They were guys. Men. Dudes. Hombres. Is that important to the story? Not really. But we get to the hangar, three men in uniform are waiting for us. We get out, they all snap to attention and salute us. Me. They were saluting me. Oh. I thought they were being extraordinarily polite. So, an American military officer took an Australian citizen and a Canadian citizen to a secure American military installation, somewhat without their consent, but certainly without their knowledge. That's like a normal Tuesday for me. That is worrisome. So we get to Snap, Crackle, and Pop Oh, is that your new name for them? It's way easier to remember. Larry, Moe, and Curly? That's unkind. They were, and still are, very good officers. Crosby, Stills, and Nash? I think you're giving them too much credit with that. They have never been able to sing harmony. But to be fair, it's not part of their job description. So they saluted the general and they escorted us to a conference room in the hangar. Did anyone get your bags from the hum vee? Well, we got our own bags. We travel fairly lightly. You couldn't even arrange a porter? Or a bellhop? Not in their job description, either. We got to the conference room and they handed us coffee and donuts. Well, sticky buns, too. And bear claws. Yeah, and bear claws. Which ones are bear claws? The one that was kind of like a donut crossed with a danish. Was it Dunkin' or Krispy Kreme? It was from a local place. We like to support the mom and pops. It's true. For lunch they took us to a taco truck. You allow taco trucks onto secure military facilities? Crosby, Stills, and Nash gotta eat. But what happened in the conference room? I feel like we're getting closer to actually learning what happened there in Peru and Las Vegas and you're fixated on donuts and taco trucks. Can I get the name of the donut place? And the taco truck. For research purposes, of course. It's on the receipts. Of course it is. The conference room! Please! Right, coffee, donuts, bear claws, and big screens with what looked like live feeds of the Peruvian miners. Yeah, they apparently had every Peruvian miner under surveillance. Technically, they're not all Peruvians. They're from all over the place, just mining illegally in Peru. When you say "all over" you mean like "outer space" all over? More like "South America" all over. Aw, man. So we sat down and the General explained I explained that we were very interested in who these guys were and why they were in the United States. Canada and Australia were kind enough to tell their bed and breakfast story, and we finally got to the subject of the journal. And that's when it happened. What? One of the guys in the live surveillance footage looked straight at the camera, the hidden camera keeping tabs on them, and stared straight at us. Like he knew where we were. Thank you for joining the Blackley Creek Project Podcast. This podcast was made using Voice Over from Speechify Studio. While the voices are computer-generated, the script comes straight from a human brain and is lovingly hand crafted by painstakingly typing using human fingers. Please visit our support pages on Patreon, Buy Me A Coffee, and Ko-Fi, with links in the podcast info. Coming soon, please visit our merch shop and be the among the first to get official Blackley Creek Project swag. Please visit those support pages because we need your support. Wherever you get your podcast, please like, and subscribe, and share, and leave a comment. Please check back on May 24, 2024, for the next episode. That's practically forever from now! Hey man, some people have day jobs.