The Man In The Burlap Mask

A power vacuum gets filled.  Everyone is watching, always watching.  Another dot gets connected.

Transcript

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Hello, and welcome to the Blackley Creek Project, Season 2, Episode 7, “The Man In The Burlap Mask,” May 31, 2024, starring your American Host and your British Host. Hi. I’m your American Host. No you’re not. Well, today I am. I’m the Guest American Host. Or the American Guest Host. American Host Guest? I didn’t really work out those details with American Host. Why is he not here, helming this podcast? He is on vacation. Vacation? Yes. He asked me to cover for him this week, including approving time cards and expense reimbursements. Since when do we get vacation? I am not authorized to approve any vacation requests. This is absurd. When will he be back? He didn’t say. He just said he needed some time away to reconsider all of his life choices and reconcile his limitless potential as a youth with his limited existence as an adult. And get a tan next to a pool. Did he say where he was going? Something about a Las Vegas Bed and Breakfast. That cheeky monkey! I see this as a positive. He’s not here to derail us, frustrate us, or infuriate us. I say that if he’s not here, British Host is in charge. Um, American Host was very clear that I, as his proxy, am in charge. All in favor of putting the British Host in charge, say “Aye”. All opposed, “Nay”. Canada? Aye. Australia? Aye. Vegas guy. You mean me? I’m not going to use your not name. Oh. Okay. Aye. Vegas girl we don’t really know yet. Aye appreciate it. Get it? Aye? Former British announcer? Aye. Current British announcer? Aye. British host – Nay! You don’t get to vote. What? And myself. Nay. What? I detest unanimity. I am an obligate contrarian. Aren’t you a military general? I enjoy practicing democracy every chance I get. So that’s six Ayes and one Nay. The last two votes were, listen to me, Nay Nay. I told you, your vote doesn’t count. How is this democracy? That’s still supermajority. Motion carries. British Host is in charge. Thank you. I promise to relinquish my newly bestowed power as soon as practical. I can’t help but feel a little disrespected here, guys. We don’t even know you, new guy. And yet, you treat me like the old guy. Fair enough. But let’s move on. Mr. British Host. I recognize our colleague from Australia. I move that I continue the story from the secret U S base that everyone seems to know about. Does anyone second? I second. Thank you, move to a vote, any opposed? Nay. General, please. Sorry. Motion carries, please continue the story. I yield the floor to our Australian colleague. I have a quick question – You do not have the floor, motion to ask a questiondenied. I regret my vote. You elected a British guy, what did you expect? So there we were, staring our nemesis in the eyes. Through the monitor. At least it seemed like he was staring at us through the monitor. I even picked up the journal and waved it back and forth and his eyes seemed to track it. That's incredible! Crosby, Stills, and Nash were a little freaked out. Corn, Award, and Obvious. Yeah, the Snap, Crackle, and Pop guys. The General picked up a phone in the room and yelled, "Where is that man right now?" I didn't yell. You definitely had authority booming in your voice. I agree, you were very authoritative. All I said was, "Where is that man right now?" See, you have a very commanding presence. Yes, that's a great way to put it. Well, I have been giving orders for close to thirty years. That long? You look so young! It's true, you're in amazing shape. Oh, thank you! I try to get to the gym at least four days each week, but you know how it goes. I do make sure to do some good physical activity every day. Hey, just a question here Out of order! Denied! Oh Kay. Carry on, Australia. And Canada. And General. But not you, fake American Host. That...I can see why American Host is on vacation. And Vegas guy and Vegas girl and both British girls but not you. I'm picking up some hostility. Good, then you are paying attention. So the General said, "Where is that man right now?" And it was like the guy on the screen heard him, and he just ran. The camera panned to try to find him but he disappeared. How is that even possible? It shouldn't be. We see everything. We know everything. We have satellites watching you eat breakfast. That seems an odd use of taxpayer funds. How can we protect freedom unless we painstakingly monitor everyone's every action? How else can we figure out who's a threat? As globally terrifying as that thought is, the screen did switch to another camera feed, and there he was, ducking into a shop. It did cycle through several other camera feeds, including more than a few satellite shots of people eating breakfast. You Americans eat a lot of bacon. I feel like American Host would have said, "You can eat a lot of mind your own business." Yeah, or "That's why there's an American flag on the moon." I stand by my observation. You Americans eat a lot of bacon. Bacon tastes good. Pork chops taste good. I'm still not even sure how a satellite can look through a kitchen window. We have only the best satellites. I revoke your speaking privileges since you are abusing them. You have been off topic for more than twenty seconds. Boy, is he strict. Miss me yet? Sorry, yes, we saw him duck into a shop. The real American Host would ask why there was a duck in the shop. Or if it was a bird store. Or make a joke about having eagle eyes. Yes, he's very witty. Anyway, the shop he ducked Just stop saying duck. The shop he entered clandestinely was nearly 3 kilometers from where we first saw him, only two minutes earlier. That's not humanly possible on foot. That's not possible at all in Las Vegas. I don't get it. 3 kilometers in 2 minutes is like 60 miles per hour. People can't move that quickly on foot. In Las Vegas, people can't move that quickly at all. Oh, hey guys, sorry I'm late. Ready to get started? Oh boy. Already back from your holiday? We went ahead and started the episode with your stand-in. My what? What are you talking about? I should go. You didn't send a guest host? Like I would pay for a guest host. Then who is he? Another ill-timed and ill-planned guest character whose necessity is ill-defined? You're referring to me, right? Oh, hey, I forgot you were still here. Yeah, I had that coming. But why is he here? Oh, he's a super fan. He's been hanging out at my house, at the supermarket where I shop, the park where I watch people walk, the gym where I lift You lift, bro? Well, the gym where I watch people lift There we go. You're describing a stalker. Yeah, none of that is normal. What? No, he's just a super fan. And I'm sure it was all a misunderstanding when he approached me in the parking lot here, threw a potato sack over my head, and locked me in the trunk of his car. Actually, it was a custom-order burlap sack. No, that's definitely not normal. You've got satellites watching people eat bacon through their kitchen window but you don't know when someone has been attacked in a parking lot? I feel like I'm missing some context there. You know, hey, it's been great hanging with you guys, but I should go. Oh, okay, well, I guess I'll see you hanging around outside my house later? I'll be there all day. So what did I miss? Mystery guy doing 60 miles per hour on foot in Las Vegas. Sounds like bro was using a jet pack or something. Wedidn't think of that possibility. But when we saw him on the camera feed ducking into the store You mean like a store for ducks? No, actually it was a tattoo parlor. And casino. Sure, probably. We were able to get ground-based assets on the scene within a few minutes. You actually sent in troops? Well, I know a guy who runs a coffee shop a block from there. Coffee shop and casino? Honestly, more like a casino that serves coffee. Even the coffee machines are slot machines. You have to put in a quarter for a fifty-fifty shot at getting a squirt of coffee in your cup. Anyway, I called him and asked if he could walk over and check it out. Is that one of the mom and pop coffee shops you like to support? Oh, no, he refuses government contracts. Even catering contracts. So what did your coffee commando find at the tattoo parlor? Nothing useful. The guy at the front wasn't helpful. So, we lost him. That is immensely disappointing news. Hang on, though, it wasn't a total loss. Canada and I went by there the next day. Why not immediately? Sort of a rule of thumb. Coffee guy already went in, more visitors the same day is too obvious. That and we had to finish the coffee and pastries at the super double top secret American base. And the General was our ride, so we had to wait for him. Yeah, I had to blindfold them and put them in the back of my car. Oh, it's okay when you do it, but when super fan does it, he's some kind of criminal mastermind. Fair. But when we visited the next day, we saw some interesting, and familiar, designs on the wall. Turns out our tattoo parlor offers the same design aesthetic as the drawings in the journal. Fascinating! Another connection but what does it all mean? Aren't you forgetting something, Your Majesty? No, I don't believe I am. Sir, I hereby inform you that your temporary power as supreme leader of the podcast has been revoked. Oh, yes, that. I voluntarily relinquish my throne. Jeez, I'm out of it for a little while, everyone gets delusions of grandeur. Thank you for joining the Blackley Creek Project Podcast. This podcast was made using Voice Over from Speechify Studio. While the voices are computer-generated, the script comes straight from a human brain and is lovingly hand crafted by painstakingly typing using human fingers. Please visit our support pages on Patreon, Buy Me A Coffee, and Ko-Fi, with links in the podcast info. Coming soon, please visit our merch shop and be among the first to get official Blackley Creek Project swag. Please visit those support pages because we need your support. Wherever you get your podcast, please like, and subscribe, and share, and leave a comment. Please check back on June 7, 2024, for the next episode. Did you really think I had left on vacation without telling you? It did seem a bit out of character, but none of us wants to pry into your personal life. Everyone deserves time away from work. So should we promote him to guest cast, or what are your thoughts? I think he was trying to assume your identity. The man belongs in a prison, or at least a hospital. So, I'll put you down for a "maybe".