Have you ever wondered how some people bounce back from life's most challenging transitions? This episode unpacks the captivating journey of Sandy Schmiedeknect, affectionately known as the Queen in my phone. Through her major life changes including relocating states and losing a loved one, she showcases an extraordinary resilience that will leave you inspired. Sandy opens up about her decision to shift states, the profound loss of her mother, and how she finds joy amidst these changes.
We don't stop there. This episode delves into the role faith and relationships play in nurturing resilience. Sandy relays the importance of forgiveness, cultivating robust relationships, and the necessity of a solid plan during major decisions. We also explore the indispensability of self-awareness and mindfulness in our lives. Drawing from her experience as an Emergency Room nurse, Sandy provides insight on managing trauma without being consumed by its emotional aspect.
Our conversation wouldn't be complete without touching on the significance of relationships. Sandy and I take you through our solid friendship that started back in 2001, highlighting how these deep connections play a vital role during life's transitions and traumas. We underscore the importance of embracing change, seeking help, and most importantly, allowing ourselves to truly feel our emotions during significant life transitions. Lastly, Dave and I shine a light on the power of vulnerability, the need for self-awareness, and how all these elements interweave to foster growth. Join us for this enriching conversation with Sandy as we marvel at her resilience and personal growth.
Angie Shockley mindfulangie@gmail.com
Dave Gold dave@davegold.com
Have you ever wondered how some people bounce back from life's most challenging transitions? This episode unpacks the captivating journey of Sandy Schmiedeknect, affectionately known as the Queen in my phone. Through her major life changes including relocating states and losing a loved one, she showcases an extraordinary resilience that will leave you inspired. Sandy opens up about her decision to shift states, the profound loss of her mother, and how she finds joy amidst these changes.
We don't stop there. This episode delves into the role faith and relationships play in nurturing resilience. Sandy relays the importance of forgiveness, cultivating robust relationships, and the necessity of a solid plan during major decisions. We also explore the indispensability of self-awareness and mindfulness in our lives. Drawing from her experience as an Emergency Room nurse, Sandy provides insight on managing trauma without being consumed by its emotional aspect.
Our conversation wouldn't be complete without touching on the significance of relationships. Sandy and I take you through our solid friendship that started back in 2001, highlighting how these deep connections play a vital role during life's transitions and traumas. We underscore the importance of embracing change, seeking help, and most importantly, allowing ourselves to truly feel our emotions during significant life transitions. Lastly, Dave and I shine a light on the power of vulnerability, the need for self-awareness, and how all these elements interweave to foster growth. Join us for this enriching conversation with Sandy as we marvel at her resilience and personal growth.
Angie Shockley mindfulangie@gmail.com
Dave Gold dave@davegold.com
Hi everybody, welcome to Embrace the Journey podcast. Dave Gold is with me. Hi, dave, we actually got to see each other in person last week. That was exciting.
Speaker 2:That was unbelievable. I wasn't sure you really existed. I thought you might be some holographic representation. It's even better in person.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was good. We attended the Attach conference last week and it was really wonderful. It was a good time. Dave was there with his folks from the OmniCube and they got to see Dr Steven Porges, who was recently on our podcast, go through the OmniCube for a while. So that was really cool. It's a great conference. So if anyone out there is looking for something on attachment and trauma, then check out the Attach conference for next year. I believe it's in Denver next year and it's in September. So there's a little plug for the Attach conference.
Speaker 1:So we are back in our routine of surprising each other with guests. This week it was my turn to surprise Dave. I could not be more happy and grateful to have our guest on this week. I'm going to try really hard to get through this podcast without crying and without laughing, to the point that I can't talk. Both of those things are possible with this guest. So today I'm really thrilled to introduce Sandy Schmidikonnect and yes, I can still spell it.
Speaker 1:Sandy Schmidikonnect, known to most of the world as the queen In my phone, as queen Sandy has been in my life for way longer than we probably want to talk about. A lot of the person that I am today is because of this woman and the incredible mentorship and friendship that she has shared with me for many years, and many of the things that we've talked about on our podcast especially when it was exceptional parents, extraordinary challenges are things that I've been through with Sandy and that we've walked with parents together for many years. So it's a true pleasure, sandy, to have you on a podcast with us tonight. Thank you for agreeing to do this.
Speaker 3:Thank you very much, Ann. I'm so glad to see you.
Speaker 1:I know. So I'll give just a little history of this relationship. Sandy is currently in Florida, in the Panhandle of Florida, and Sandy used to live about three miles away from me and we spent a lot of time together. We've worked together four different times I think now in a professional capacity. I have spent a lot of time in her household and her in mine. We've traveled together, we've had really wonderful times and we've had some really incredibly hard times together. And she moved to Virginia from West Virginia first and then recently moved to Florida.
Speaker 1:I guess the premise in our podcast these days is big life transitions and when I was thinking about who I have in my life that has experienced some major life transitions, you were the first person that came to mind Just talking about the moves, and Sandy's first move to West Virginia was from New Hampshire when she thought she was going to Disney World Disneyland and she ended up in Canaan Valley, west Virginia, and her father started the first commercial ski area here in Tucker County, west Virginia, many years ago and you were 16 at the time, 17 at the time, so that was a big life transition and I know that really made an impact on you.
Speaker 1:And then, right after that, not long after that, your mother passed away in a car accident, which was a huge trauma in your life, and Sandy took on the responsibility for her younger siblings at that point as a still a teenager, and so then I have the pleasure of knowing her siblings and her father as well in my life, and you know, when we talk about big life transitions, those are some huge ones, and I think in a lot of ways, they may have shaped the path that you took going forward in your life, the different careers that you've had, and one of the things that I've always admired about you is your resiliency and how you've been able to overcome the challenges and continue to find success in all areas of your life, whether it's been in the profession, whichever profession you were in at the time all the way to becoming a PhD, a doctoral candidate, and then receiving your I think it's an EDD, right, an EDD, yeah, so you're Dr Queen at this point, dr Hugh, so I would like to just open it up and hear your thoughts on these big life transitions, whether you want to talk about anything specific or just give us an overview to start.
Speaker 1:But how have these huge life transitions shaped you and who you are at this point in your life.
Speaker 3:First of all, being the oldest child.
Speaker 3:I think that comes into play because there are expectations as I was growing up and what I was going to do and be and how I was going to achieve what I wanted to be, and that was a nurse at the time. The move to West Virginia was certainly a traumatic for me because I was all set to go to nursing school in New Hampshire. So it was. I lived on a mountain in New Hampshire, which you have been to, but it was not quite as desolate as it was in Canaan at the time. But I did adjust and I didn't have a choice. Really, it was like I'm going to move forward and go to college and get into nursing school when the opening becomes available, or am I going to sit around and feel sorry for myself, and I'm not a person that likes to do that. I like to see what the situation is, see what the alternatives are, use my resources to help me with that decision and then move forward from there, which I did. And I went into nursing school and after I graduated, mother died, and so that was really traumatic because I had all my grandparents, so I hadn't had any real significant losses except for a best friend early on and I'd just been married a year and moved home to take care of the kids and my dad and my husband had to move home. So that was a huge transition which you just do. You just move forward and do. You find joy in the situation and happiness in it, and I was able to spend time with the kids and my dad and look at the positive things. He did send me to my room once because I interrupted his news. I said excuse me, but then I. Probably the single most traumatic for me is when my father passed away, which was extremely difficult. I started my doctorate because he wanted a doctor in the family and I said I can't go to medical school, I'll be dead before I get out and so it's a good alternative. And that that first class. He called me and he said are you done yet? I said, dad, you've got to hang on just a bit longer. I've gotten probably four or five more years. Anyway, he passed at just short of me finishing the first semester and that was tough if I had not had and to help me continue to see the light because it got pretty dark for a short time, but being someone who pulled herself up by her bootstraps is when I was young. That's what you did. I was able to, with my faith and my close friends, to be able to move forward, which I did. And then, on the back end of my doctorate, my husband after taking care of him for 15 years, my husband passed away two weeks before my dissertation, and so my chair said that's the person who listens to you give your dissertation. My chair said why don't we postpone this? I said no, we are not postponing this. I am ready to do this, we're going to do this, I'm okay. And so I got through it and I was able to graduate.
Speaker 3:It wasn't until after I got through all that that I became a bit teary and have continued periods of great sadness, but also great joy to know that my husband is all better and no longer in pain and, as Ansh knows, he was in tremendous pain for many years and he can walk and he can enjoy his life now as a whole person. Which really is what gets me through every day is knowing that he is okay, because his suffering was so severe Then, and then I moved down here after a couple of years. I think the biggest thing is not to make any huge decisions within the first year of any major trauma or event. You really need that year to get your bearings again and that's what I did on all my moves. I really waited till I had bearings in a path forward before just moving. And I am loving being down here. I like I'm surprised, I like the weather, I'm enjoying substitute teaching with high school kids that they all need to be in the program.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. So just a caveat there. When I started Q and A associates, which we've talked about on it, the reason that it's Q and A associate is on this podcast with us right now. She is the Q of the Q and A.
Speaker 1:The Queen and she called me Agnes for many years. So Q and A really stands for Queen and Agnes. And when I started the business which we can do, one on that one, a whole different podcast on that one but I said, do you want to be a partner in all of this? And she said I really don't want to take that on, but I'll help you and I'll be a part of everything we do. And she was for many years and then retired when she moved to Virginia and so there was a hole in the Q and A for a long time. But she trained a really great replacement and so we're whole and we continue on. But yeah, so she's the Q and the Q and A for everyone who asks that question. And, dave, I know you've got a comment or a question. Go ahead.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think this is one that I definitely want to sit in the back seat and watch you two, cause I just think it's so beautiful to see this reunion of two people that are never really separate. And so, sandy, I just want to thank you for creating the creature that is over to my left on my screen.
Speaker 2:No and I think it's really a product of you just being who you are, and but I do want to say that we're taught in the context of big life transitions. It's almost there's a tipping point where you can be victimized or you can be resilient, and it just sounds like victimization just isn't in your genes. And I'm wondering if you could just speak to people who, if you were going to give a primer or some tips or some things to look for in terms of how to avoid victimization when your mother dies and you're stuck raising other people would say stuck raising kids and your father dies your beloved husband goes through everything that's gone through and I just don't find an ounce of victimization in your body and just want to just speak to that.
Speaker 3:Probably the main sources is my faith. That has gotten me through all of the. This is just the tip of the iceberg, as Angie knows. That has really gotten me through. My faith has gotten me through each and every day.
Speaker 3:I think that there are some people that are innately resilient and some that aren't, and they can learn to be resilient if they want. It takes some optimism, it takes a change in perspective from looking at oh, woe is me and what am I gonna do, and it's all horrible to okay, I've got to find the new normal in my life and create what I want and move forward with that and have goals, and I always have had goals. I'm an old lady to have just finished my doctorate show and I'm still taking classes because I think learning is lifelong. I think experience gives you a great deal of perspective developing a very healthy relationship with a core group of people, my core person, my person always being Angie and she always has been. There's hope.
Speaker 3:Nothing is so bad that you can't sit down, develop a plan and move forward, but you have to have that internal drive. Nobody can say, okay, I want you to do this and this, it won't work. You have to want to desire to see, to have a change and move forward and be happy. Choose to be happy, choose joy and that was the first thing I purchased when after my husband died, was I'm going to choose joy today. So I see that every day to remind me that's my choice. That's what I'm going to do. Have a purpose, have a meaning, not sit back and just say woe is me. I think making every day meaningful and some form or another forgiveness is huge Forgiveness yourself, forgiveness of others. We all make mistakes, we all say things we shouldn't, we all do things that we probably shouldn't, but forgiveness is there to release us from what we're feeling. And to forgive yourself and others, I think is key. Let's see.
Speaker 3:That's plenty you can keep going.
Speaker 2:But there's 10 podcasts in there, and I would also just say that, to coin a cliche, the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree, because not only have you viewed Angie with those values, but she it's passing on, in other words, your legacy, and I'm not ready to bury you yet by a long shot.
Speaker 3:Thank you, we're going to Ireland first. Yes, no, scotland, scotland.
Speaker 2:Whatever you can get a hundred, but a lot of your legacy is just by having that attitude and that perspective and really living that. You've passed it on to so many, including Angie, and that's what she passes on to people every day.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Thanks for that it's interesting because I was one of the questions that I had to ask you, which you've talked about is that faith, having that faith in God and faith in something bigger than you, and making that choice every day? And that is such an important part of any transition. I think and it's how many times have I said it's about the journey, not the destination. Trusting the journey, embracing the journey that's where this podcast name and this group that I have, and everything. It's embracing the journey and knowing that it's going to work out for the best, it'll be for the highest good of all, and I've watched you live that. That's not to say that there haven't been hard times, like you talked about when your dad passed away, and there have been other hard times. There have been other times that we've I've been your person and you've been my person to hold me up in those hard times, and it's not like every day. When we choose joy every day, that doesn't mean that every day is joyful. I think is a way to say it. Some days are hard and when we're facing a big transition, regardless of what that is, there are going to be hard things about that, and one of the things that I think I know that I watched you do was you were never physically moving or emotionally running away from something or physically running away from anything. You're always moving towards something. The point that, excuse me, that you made about don't make any big decisions in the year after any kind of traumatic event, that would be an emotional reaction, that would be running from or trying to solve something by physically moving yourself or emotionally moving yourself away from something, and that more logical response to it is okay, what is the plan? So you said it have a plan, have some goals. Where are you going? What's the step forward? All of that? And I think for a lot of people who do have traumatic events happen in their lives and whether that is some actual event the passing of a parent or a spouse or someone choosing to leave the career that they've been in for 20 years or whatever I have talked to one of those people today there are going to be hard things and I know when you made the physical move the first time and just to put a framework around it, sandy's husband moved to Virginia before she physically moved to Virginia because it was better for his health, the climate was better for his health, and so he moved, and so Sandy was driving back and forth between West Virginia and Virginia to continue to do the work she was doing with so many young adults in our company and also taking care of her husband.
Speaker 1:And so you were in that space limbo for quite a while and then made the decision to move permanently with him, to be there to care for him all the time, and I saw there was pain in that, there was pain in knowing that we weren't going to physically be in the same location anymore to take our afternoon trip to somewhere to have lunch and do some shopping or whatever those physical, daily sort of mundane things that you do with somebody. We weren't going to be able to do that anymore. And so, even though what you're doing was the right thing to do and you had a good plan for it, can you talk a little bit about, like that move or any of the other moves? What were some of the more difficult parts of that?
Speaker 3:The move leaving, retiring from Q&A and moving to Virginia and leaving you was probably one of the most very difficult things that I've ever done, because we're so close and that just that made me sad, it broke my heart. But I also knew that we could get through and whether it and it didn't matter whether we were in the same place or not, we still would maintain the connection, even if we don't talk every day.
Speaker 1:Hey, I get you guys. I got to interrupt for just a second. I have an animal in distress outside. Just hold on, I'll come right back.
Speaker 2:Sorry, sandy, you and you keep talking, my dear, seriously, just keep giving where you go and if you can follow the thread or I can give you something, I can give you something, yeah, no, I can.
Speaker 3:It was extremely difficult. I loved my job at Q&A. I loved working with the kids. I it just it filled my heart but leaving and was just like an extension of me. I was leaving behind, but we managed to work through that and to this day, it doesn't matter if we don't talk for a month. We just pick up where we leave off and that's what's so awesome about that type of a friendship is it just continues and she knows she can call me if she needs anything and I have called her when I've needed, needed to, as it would my husband passed and things like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there you go, geez because you came back, everything's okay, okay, good. Good I edit all that out. Gosh, I'm sorry, but we lost seven chickens last night and I couldn't let it happen again, but I got everybody's in, everybody's okay, okay, good.
Speaker 2:All right. So she just kept talking. She did fine. Okay, good, and I have, and I'm going to switch the gears and I'm going to bring it and you need a second or you're good.
Speaker 1:No, I'm good, I'm good.
Speaker 2:Okay, it's so obvious listening to the love affair that you two have. It's so beautiful and I want to, and I want to know when did you guys know that you were soul sisters?
Speaker 3:I just think we knew.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't think there was a time. I think because it was when we. So I have known Sandy most of my life, but we started working together in 2001. And that was like we, I would say in that year is probably when we connected on a different level. And yeah yeah, so I don't think there was a specific moment. I think we just it just was there, yeah, and it's been like that ever since.
Speaker 3:And we're really blessed because a lot of people don't have that. I still have friends from back 50 some years ago when I was in high school and went with me to my one of my reunions and in New Hampshire. So a lot of people can't don't maintain those relationships but I've always been blessed to have a really strong friend base and and it's comfortable and it takes work.
Speaker 1:I guess it does. It takes work, it takes work and it's. It's one of those things that that, with Sandy being as far away from me physically as she is now, we don't talk as much as we used to, for sure, but a month or two months or six months could go by and it doesn't matter if I see her or I talk to her. We just pick right back up where we left off the last time. And it's having. I always say you know, I have my biological family and I have my chosen family in Sandy's part of my chosen family, and she also knows my parents and I knew her dad well, and so our families are connected and supportive. But it was, it's a different relationship with the two of us, and I think that's also something that is helpful in life transitions and moving through traumas is having that kind of a connection with someone, because there's a level of trust there that you may not have with anyone else, including a spouse. There's a level of trust there that's hard to find.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I would say that Go ahead, Sam Go ahead, please.
Speaker 3:No, I think the trust is I would trust her with my life and I think she would do the same with me, and you don't have that with everybody, and so I'm so blessed to to have that with her.
Speaker 1:That feels.
Speaker 2:I want to get your thoughts on something, because it's obvious, it's so beautiful that you have this and you were like, ain't you like a little kid on Christmas morning that knows what's in what's in the present?
Speaker 1:already you just couldn't wait to unwrap it. I shook the box.
Speaker 2:And it's just so palpable. And I, she said, who is? I said, is it my dead mother or somebody that she's surprised at? Do I wonder who the hell it could be? Uh-oh, there's one for you, keith. But one thing is that, again, I think of listeners saying I don't have a friend like that, but I want to get your thoughts. There's people that I have not the depth of relationship that you have, but there's certain people over the course of the lifetime that you could always hit the play button after you hit the pause button. And yeah, and I just speak to that, you may not find that all in one person, but there might be. There probably are relationships to be honored and to be nurtured that have a similar quality to it, if not the intensity of it.
Speaker 3:Oh, absolutely, pam and Phil. You met Pam and Phil, didn't you? Yeah, we went to college together many years ago and we remained friends and I only see them about every other year because I go to Nashville for a conference and that's where they live and and we just the same thing. We just pick up where we left off and spend a whole lot of time laughing and remembering, having fond memories and of all the trouble I caused and uh Well, and I think that's that's also part of it.
Speaker 1:I mean, I'm sure everybody who's listening here can hear the wisdom, the wisdom that Sandy carries in having those kinds of relationships and having those kinds of experience in life. That really does build wisdom and I did learn so much, especially early on in my professional life. Learned so much from Sandy. You know that, everything from how I should be dressing when I show up to work, I thought that came to mind.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and as the person who was being coached and mentored through all that stuff wasn't like I got upset that she was telling me this. It was. I got appreciative that she was telling me this because I was stepping into new territory for me. I was young and an executive and I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing in that role and you know, and so that's helpful. So I think that's another thing and regardless of what stage you're in life, it's it's finding that person who can be a mentor, who can be a support for you, whether it's in the professional realm or the personal realm, or, if you're lucky enough to find someone who can do both, to be that person that you can hear something from, that you can take advice from.
Speaker 1:So many of us walk through life with a lot of fear, and one of the things I heard Sandy say a long time ago that has become a mantra of mine is never make decisions based on fear, because they're going to be wrong most of the time right, because we're coming from an emotional reaction and wanting to make sure we try to control and how many times if we talked about control, controls and illusion, there's no such thing. And don't make decisions based on fear. But we walk through life with fear and so when someone tries to reflect something to us that may be helpful to us, we become defensive and want to shut down, because that fear of not being right or not being in control of a situation is difficult to overcome and that can come from trauma and issues with big transitions in life that we didn't ask for. I think being able to open up to a mentor and having someone who's a great mentor in your life is really important.
Speaker 2:That's one of the pieces of advice I would have for folks yeah, and Sandy, I just want to jump in for a second and turn it back over to you, because in Andy and I talked about this a lot of time these mentors are just, they just have like cameo roles in your life. It's not like you two, where it's established, but and I know this, I'm sure with you it's both ways, in terms of you teaching and being taught for lack of a better word, that it can come from total strangers. And I'm wondering again with you, sandy, if maybe just describe the characteristics or how people can cultivate. This is how you, how you have this perspective that everyone coming in your, or so many people coming in your life, can be playing that role of someone that has something to give you or offer you or display for you.
Speaker 3:I think people come into your life at certain times and we don't have any control over that, so it's important that you be self-aware I think that's really important and be mindful, reflective, take care of yourself. You have the positive relationship and purpose, and and when you're coaching someone, the biggest thing that I think people get confused about is you're not actually telling them, you're walking beside them. When you coach, you're the bumper guard to get them out to the path that they want to achieve, and so that's very important. I think confidence has a. If you have confidence and you are okay and have the ability to pick the people, that would be beneficial for you and have the connection and the character it's.
Speaker 3:It's unfortunate that kids don't have that, because all they do is text. They don't know how to talk to one another or even the teacher, by the way, in case anyone was wondering but and so they have lost so much, and I don't. That's what's probably sad about it. But you any, you can learn something from anybody. You just have to have the right perspective about it perspective.
Speaker 1:That's another really good one for folks to to really take in is because when we shift our perspective, we shift our whole world right. Well, if we're in that Dave was talking about that role of victimization if we are in that place where we feel like the world is being done to us, something's being done to us all the time and we have no ability to step in and shift it or change it, that's a hard perspective to live from and, like I said, there have been times I've felt that. There have been times Sandy's felt that in our lives it's a hard place to be and I think dark is a great way to to talk about it. But shifting that perspective to the world is not being done to me.
Speaker 1:I am a participant in my life and I'm creating my, my reality and taking responsibility for that is a really important shift, especially for someone who is about to go through a big transition, as I'm responsible for this choice that I'm about to make and I can either make it with confidence and have a plan for what's going to happen next and take the time and be patient, or I can be emotionally reactive and just pull the plug and walk away from everything and then deal with fallout of that and we're going to end up on the path that we're supposed to be on, no matter what, and I believe that trust process, embrace the journey we're going to end up on the path that we're supposed to be on, but we certainly have the ability to either choose to drive it or not, and when we make those emotional, reactive decisions in our lives, that can really put us in a place where we have to pick up the pieces where we have to go through so probably more darkness than we really would have had to had we taken the time to pause the great pause, that space between stimulus and response, where we can get our wits about us, get our bearings about us and then make a plan for going forward rather than just having a reaction to something.
Speaker 1:I say, andy, what do you think for you, what was it that allowed you to not have an emotional reaction in any one of the things that have happened in your life?
Speaker 3:I'm not without emotional reaction, as we all know that's another podcast events. I, I think being a lot of it is from being an emergency room nurse with what they would now call a trauma nurse. You're dealing with such intensity and it's rapid and you're having to make decisions and praying all along that it's the right one, that really prepares you to be able to get through traumas without becoming emotional. It is after the event that you, that's when, if you need to fall apart, certainly you fall apart and that's where your faith and come in. When you're falling apart but you don't stay there, you feel it and you move through it and you begin to develop, as I said, that new normal, whatever you want it to be. It's when you stay in that you get paralyzed.
Speaker 3:If you stay in that sense of fear and darkness and inability to move, some people even get out of bed, and it's okay to do that for a period of time. Everybody has those times that, but it's what becomes. A challenge is being able to get up and move forward and seek the joy, seek your goal, seek what you want, because it life can happen, or you can make your life what you want it to be, and I've been very blessed to have had lots of experiences, and I wish I was as had as much wisdom when I was a young person as I have now. It sure would have been a whole lot easier. I think it's like the. What is that, ted? Where you have the we did that.
Speaker 1:The triangle, yeah, the power of Ted, yeah.
Speaker 3:The power of Ted. It's like that. Are you gonna be a victim? Are you gonna be a creator? Are you going to let the persecutor run your life? And I forget the other one, but I got him, victim persecutor and and um rescuer, rescuer, right the rescuer, yeah.
Speaker 1:And it's true because, you know, when we have hard things in front of us or bad things happen to us you know we talked about this on our last podcast Dave is allowing ourselves to really feel and honor the emotions that we're in, whatever they are. And big life transitions have a lot of really hard emotions and we can allow ourselves to stay in that victim role and blaming whoever or whatever for whatever's happened to us and looking for someone or something to pull us out of that. We can stay there, but we have zero control in that situation. We truly have no control because we're not choosing to create our lives, right. But if we choose to step into that creator world, so we choose to find the joy, we choose to step into that space where we can be in pause and we can get our bearings and we can see a path forward, then we will accept those challenges and those coaches as they come along to allow us to move forward. And it's it is a choice, and there are some really hard, horrible things that happen and we do need to honor the emotions that we're in when they happen and I think that's a really important statement I don't want our listeners to really hear that is it's okay and it's important to honor whatever emotion that you're in at the time, because whatever you feel and nobody can tell you it's right or it's wrong, it just is, it just is, and so being in it
Speaker 1:and understand it and acknowledge it and honor it and really take time to honor the journey that's gotten you to where you are, and then how are you going to move forward from that? And that is probably the place where a lot of people do need to ask for help and they maybe don't. And we don't ask for help because we think it makes us look weak or because we're afraid of what somebody's going to tell us, or a million reasons. And asking for help, I think, is one of the bravest things that anyone can do and I know Sandy has asked for help and I know I have asked for help and I know Dave has asked for help.
Speaker 1:And here we are in our lives and we're all doing well in our own respective waves. But we certainly will ask for help and we need it and I was. That was not me many years ago and Sandy can tell you she was there. I was not someone who was going to ask for help. I was not going to delegate anything. I was not going to allow anyone to step in and do what I knew had to be done a certain way in a certain time, and that blah, blah, blah, blah makes no sense to me now, but then it was what made me feel safe in my life, in my role and in my life personally and professionally.
Speaker 1:So you know that need for safety is a really important concept. We need to feel safe and when we have traumatic events happen, we often don't feel safe. We don't feel safe emotionally, we don't feel safe physically. I'm sure, moving from West Virginia to Florida, I'm sure there were some moments where you didn't feel emotionally safe in that process. Not because she's living close to her son. He's a great guy, he and his family are amazing for Sandy to be close to, and same was true in Virginia, where you were moving closer to family, but were there moments where you struggled with feeling emotionally safe?
Speaker 2:Hmm.
Speaker 3:That's a hard one because I don't know. I don't know, as I felt unsafe at all, only because I knew what I was doing was the right thing to do in my heart and whether it was God's guidance, and which I believe it was my faith, and that takes that away I also, if you don't feel safe, then you're going to have fear, and I don't. I'm not big on fear. I just really don't have a lot of room for that. I don't, I don't know, and you might be able to answer that for me better.
Speaker 2:I'd like to actually like to pose a question to both of you that I think might highlight it, because there's a difference, and you made a beautiful distinction Sandy back there and Angie was they would have put a finer point on it about it's okay to feel emotion, yeah, but to act emotionally and go to pieces, that's a difference, because obviously you guys have tremendous emotion because I love you half for each other, if nothing else.
Speaker 2:So it's nothing wrong, but I want to make another. So there's a lot of subtlety here and the difference between vulnerability and feeling unsafe. Because and I just I'm just going to put that out there and see what you think because it we want to be vulnerable, but so often we associate vulnerability with a lack of safety, which is why we're not vulnerable. So you go anywhere you want with it.
Speaker 1:I think that's a great point. That's a much better way to say it than how I said it, and I think that's exactly what I meant was more the vulnerability, not the safety piece, which is probably why it was hard for you to find that answer, sandy, but I think anytime we're changing something, I think we have to be vulnerable. There's no other way. Like you, you went from 8,000 square feet of, or 16,000 square feet of, a building right yes, into a 1,200 square foot building to even smaller that you're living in currently and that I know there was vulnerability in that, because you had a lot of attachment to your things right, yes.
Speaker 1:So, dave, I think that's a great point is the vulnerability piece of it. It's not safety, it's vulnerability, and Sandy Dave is vulnerability is one of his areas of expertise. He's really good at helping people become vulnerable and embrace their vulnerability and then work their way through it. So I thank you, dave. That's. I think that was awesome.
Speaker 2:And so let me pose it in the form of a question is how does how do you as coaches, mentors, just models, let's just say as models, help people foster vulnerability and without feeling unsafe, so that they go into a sphere of state?
Speaker 1:I was waiting on you. You want me to go first. Yes, yes, I think that one. It's really important for when the people that I'm working with really important for me to help them get to a place of self-awareness where they understand what they're feeling. I think that's number one. Number two is for them to understand what they have, what they've created and what they have in their lives, not to be looking at it as a loss, but to be looking at it as a transition, and there's a difference there. You will experience some loss in a transition, but you're not running from, you're running to that whole concept.
Speaker 1:I think that's important for people to be able to embrace their vulnerability. I think that if I come across somebody in a coaching situation that absolutely cannot embrace their vulnerability, then it's a much bigger issue and we've got to find what's underneath that. What is there? Is it a trauma? Is it? Is the fear so great because of a trauma? Is the fear so great because there's such a lack of self-efficacy and confidence that they're unable to get vulnerable? Because, for some people, vulnerability can make them feel like they're literally going to die a physical death and so they can't go there. They just cannot go there because of that. For me it's those things. Before helping them get to vulnerability, they have to go into those three areas and understand where they're at.
Speaker 3:I agree.
Speaker 1:That's what I'm sad. I figured we were going to be on the same page with that one yes, absolutely yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so we're coming close to the end of our podcast here. Tom went quickly. This has been an interesting time for recording. I've had animal issues in the middle of it and Sandy had some technical issues at the beginning of it, but it's been wonderful. And I could certainly continue on for another hour, but we'll save that and maybe have you back on. But I want to share a quick story. This is a funny story. My favorite story was Sandy, but we will celebrate our what? Our 22nd wedding anniversary in January.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 1:So no, we're not literally married. I'm still married to Matt. Sandy was married to Randy for many years, Wonderful man. But we attended a conference in Florida. Now she's back in Florida, but we were in Tampa Florida attending a conference and we couldn't stay at the conference hotel. We had to stay at the overflow hotel. So we did and so we got there to check in and it was in February and West Virginia in February is just horrific. So we were thrilled to be in the wonderful Florida weather in February.
Speaker 1:So we go check in and we go to our room and everyone was really extra nice to us and we thought how lovely. And we get to our room and it's this sweet and it's on the top floor and we're like, wow, this is like penthouse suite. We have these big floor to ceiling windows and sliding doors. We have the windows open and I'll never forget the curtains blowing and we're just loving this air coming in on us because we've been in winter here for so long and we just had a lovely time and we would go to the conference and whatever we were doing, we would come back to the hotel and they would greet us and we had all these wonderful gifts in our penthouse suite and all of this, and we had no idea why we had cheese trays and fruit trays and chocolates and all this stuff and on our very last, day there was a knock at the door.
Speaker 1:We were packing up and getting ready to leave and there was a knock at the door and I go and it's another fruit tray. It was a cheese and fruit, I think tray and I'm just like.
Speaker 1:I don't understand. And so we were like we got to pack this up and we were driving so we could take it with us. We were able to pack this up and take it right, and a little bit later there's another knock on the door and the person came back and said we forgot the card. They handed us the card and they left. I start reading the card and all I could do was laugh and it said we are so sorry that there was bad weather during your honeymoon.
Speaker 1:I'm like, oh my, we have been in somebody's honeymoon suite the entire time we've been here and some poor couple is in the cheap seats wondering where their honeymoon suite is the whole time. So Sandy and I started celebrating our wedding anniversary in I guess it was January, not February, late January and so we've celebrated it every year since then.
Speaker 2:So that's what it's such a beautiful metaphor and celebration because it is a honeymoon. It's just you're so wedded, yeah, and the fact that life manifested that for you in such a weird it's not like now, where maybe you would be married- right 20 years ago, two women, and that's a little bit, especially in Florida. So anyway, I just think it's such a great story in terms of life just saying, yep, here you guys go, you're in it for the long haul. Yep the death of your partner and maybe beyond. We'll find out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I hope so. Yeah, we'll see. Oh gosh, sandy, thank you so much. Thank you for your vulnerability. We talked about some of the harder things in your life and there have been others. Like you said, it's the tip of the iceberg. This woman has been through a lot. She's definitely a survivor, definitely one of the most resilient people I know, and I'm certain that Sandy's also a certified life coach. She's a spiritual coach, she's all kinds of. She has more coaching certifications than anyone I know In addition to her now at Doctor Q. And so we will. If it's okay with you, sandy, we'll put your contact information in the show notes and if anyone would like to reach out to you directly to talk with you about your journey or to perhaps set up some coaching sessions with you, then that way they can reach out to you directly. And, of course, obviously I know where to find her all the time.
Speaker 1:So if you guys want to get in touch with us. We would be happy to connect you with Sandy so you can talk more and learn more about this incredible woman. Thank you. Thank you for being with us. Thank you, sandy.
Speaker 3:Thank you all.
Speaker 1:All right, we will see you guys on the next Embrace the Journey podcast and we'll see what wonderful surprise Dave has for me.