Uplift Conversations
The Vermont Network Against Domestic and Sexual Violence invites you to join us in Uplift Conversations- a NEW podcast where we dig into the social and community contexts that contribute to the culture of violence and what we can all do as individuals and members of communities to create a world in which all people can thrive.
Uplift Conversations
Uplift Conversation Episode 3: Supporting Survivors (Part 2)
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All of us know and love survivors. Many of us want to be able to support the survivors we love but may not know how to or what to say. This week we are once again joined by Henekis, an Advocate from Umbrella, and Anne Smith , the Vermont Network's Director of Training and Leadership Development as they share their wealth of knowledge on how we can better support those we love when they experience harm.
Note: This is part 2 of the conversation. If you have not yet listened to Part 1, please go back and do that now!
Episode Resources and Links:
Umbrella NEK
Survivors Uplift Vermont
Brene Brown
Norma Wong
Me Too Movement
Welcome to the Uplift Conversations podcast where we discuss the social and community contexts that contribute to a culture where violence can thrive. And what we can do as individuals and members of community to change that culture of violence, and create a world in which all people can live free. My name is Jessica, I use she her pronouns and I do policy and organizing work at the Vermont Network. I'm super excited to be hosting this conversation alongside one of my most favorite people ever.
Llu Mulvaney-Stanak:Thanks, Jess. I'm Llu, everybody. I use they them pronouns. I'm a media maker here in Vermont, and a community activist. And I'm so honored to be brought into these conversations alongside some really fantastic humans doing really pivotal work here in the state.
Jessica Barquist:Welcome back to the Uplift Conversations Podcast. Today, we're going to be talking again, with Anne and Henekis. And they were here with us last week talking about how we can hold survivor stories. So if you haven't listened to part one yet, please go back and listen to that and then join us here. And it seems like really clear from our conversation, that in the moment, when you're talking and in relationship with a survivor, that is not the time to kind of navigate that unlearning. What is where, where do we do that unlearning, Anne? How do we make that happen so that we can hold the space for survivors and be really centered on their experiences?
Anne Smith:There's an important discernment, I think we have to make about the questions we ask survivors. If we're going to ask them questions, it needs to be for clarity of understanding so that we can be we can show up for them. It's not about following our curiosity, or trying to figure out the cause so that I don't end up in the same situation. Again, it's totally natural to have those responses and questions, as part of all of the what Henekis is pointing to in terms of our own experiences and trying to unpack with our vulnerabilities in the world. But there are members of the Network, who can have those conversations. There are loads of resources on the internet that can help answer your questions. You can even share, you know, non specific details with a friend and talk through some of those things, you know, finding a place for your own unpacking that isn't about asking the survivor to do that labor for you. They have enough on their plate. And their job is not to teach you about these issues. There's a lot of resources in the world that you can access. And it's okay not to know, it's okay to be like, have your eyes open for the first time and need to do a little bit of that work.
Jessica Barquist:Can you give us some really concrete examples of what those clarifying questions look like?
Llu Mulvaney-Stanak:So they can play this right before they go back and have a second conversation? Like, oh, I didn't do it right the first time. I've got my perfection problem going. I'm gonna go back after I've memorized what y'all about to say.
Jessica Barquist:Right? So we know like, I have these questions like, which ones are those seeds I need to unpack later with somebody else? And which ones are the ones that are actually really relevant to this conversation? How can they do that sifting?
Anne Smith:Yeah, I think your question just, you know, how can I support you? Questions like that, you know, people spill out often a lot of details. So trying to get clarity, clarity about their story. If there's something you're not, you're really not understanding. I think it's okay. And it's also okay to say, I want to ask you a question, because I, I'm not sure I got this detail. Right. Can I'm just asking for clarity? Can you explain this over again, just so I make sure that I understand. Or you can also repeat back to somebody, this is what I heard you say, is that correct? Is that accurate? And get that clarification from them. But it's also important to recognize that if you're asking open questions like how can I support you? Sometimes survivors don't have the answers to that question. It's a big question. There's that kind of like fine line discernment between how can I support you if the person says, I don't know or I'm not sure. Maybe circling back to asking that question again, in a in a few days or weeks, and also be okay. Again, not being the one who's chosen for this as the person who maybe is going to receive the story to or the person that the survivor is going to be asking for support going, you know, to talk to somebody or something, asking for them to clarify how they would find your presence helpful. And then checking in again, if they're not sure.
Llu Mulvaney-Stanak:I imagine if you get to that point in that conversation, where someone's like, I don't know I'm so flooded. You know, I just needed to get that out to you. That might be a good signal to you to say, again, double down on I believe you. This is heartbreaking. I'm so sorry, this has happened to you. I'm just going to be right here with you like and just be able to be in that moment because I think there's that, that desire, not only to fix, but also to fill the air right to just like salutely. You know, okay, if they don't know what to do, then great, let's fumble through the list, like we're gonna figure this out. In that moment, if they don't know what to do or what they don't need. Next, what they need is just you, I'm imagining just to be right there, and that this is likely to be a multiple, like multiple conversation experiences, you don't have to do it all in one.
Anne Smith:Absolutely, that's, there's so much there that you said that, to unpack so many of us are survivors. So there's, it's also triggering to our own stuff, and our own experiences and the choices we did or did not make, in response. The beauty of just walking with somebody, not not ahead, not behind not pushing them, but just with them. I often think about this as like a parallel to like, because many of us have lost somebody in our lives have experienced grief, like the way that somebody just shows up one day, they brought a pie, and they take you out for a walk. Like sometimes it's just the showing up in their lives, or like watching their kids for a while. So they can take a nap or like make a phone call or just do nothing, you know, so just showing up in their lives. It doesn't always have to be a conversation or a decision. But I think sometimes being really transparent about that, like, Hey, I know that there's loads of things going through your mind right now about what to do next. And it's okay, you know, we don't have to talk about that. But if you want help finding support, and resources, like I'm happy to help do that for you. And I'm also just happy to show up and take a walk with you. Like just naming those things even in saying like, you don't have to make any decisions right now. It's okay. I know that and like I'm, I'm, I'm happy to just be with you. I think it's so important.
Henekis Stoddard:I love that Anne. I think sometimes when we're like afraid of doing something wrong, we get like stuck inside ourselves. And that creates a chasm, right? And I just really value naming things. You know, first and foremost, if I'm asking a question, Who is it for? Is it for me my own curiosity? Because I have all these questions, and I need them answered. Well, that can be that can be seen as really harmful, right? If I proceed in that, or am I? Or am I asking a question in order to support somebody best? And I think it's okay to name that. Any question I asked you, you don't have to answer. You know, I'm, I'm here with you. And I think also for some of us that are like Uber problem solvers and helpers, it is really important for us to remember that the person that is sharing with us has the utmost wisdom about their lives, they have already been engaging in safety planning, and, you know, resource searching and everything, and we join them. Not at the beginning of all that, you know, we get honored and welcome welcomed in, in with them already doing that. And so if I, if I jump in with like, well, if you tried this, do you want it, you know, questions that are like I'm the fixer, it ignores the power of all the things that they have been doing. And so sometimes questions like, what has been really working for you? What have you found helpful, and that really honors the fact that they've they've been going with their brilliance and their wisdom and trying the things that they are, I'm not the one that's going to start that process. I'm just going to support it, or maybe generating a couple ideas and saying, you know, here's the, here's the skills or resources that I have to bring to the table, when any of those be helpful. And I think that is to instead of maybe sometimes that open question of like, what can I do? You know, maybe preemptively thinking like, and that doesn't even have to be in the moment that I think but I can think about myself as a person. If somebody comes to me, you know, for support, what skills do I have? What do I have to offer? What resources do I know of that I could put on the table and say, pick up or leave on the table, whatever would be helpful. Because also I can just sit and eat pie with you and go for a walk. But...
Jessica Barquist:I love that I think about like when I was like a very new mom too in that like initial postpartum phase. Like there were a lot of people who are like, let me know what I can do and I never knew how to answer that question. But then there were some people who are just like, I'm sending food, it'll be there at this time. And that was like, amazing, right? And so those are just really great questions. And
Anne Smith:there is there's something there just to I think about record, like knowing your own knowing yourself and showing up authentically to like, you can show up for people in all sorts of ways that isn't also receiving stories. Like if that's not your jam, if you just know that this is you can just tell from listening to this podcast this is not going to be your scene, you can show up for people in all sorts of ways. You can offer to drive them to appointments you can again watch their kids or mow their lawn. There are loads and loads and loads of ways to show up for people who are having, you know, intense experiences or experiencing harm or the results of harm, that don't have to be also, you know, receiving stories. You know, find what is authentic to you in showing up for someone else.
Llu Mulvaney-Stanak:So it's almost like, there's another option here of being a doer, but not a fixer. If you don't feel
Anne Smith:we can solve the we can uproot the causes of like you can be the person holding that space for that story or for the you know, a lot of what we were talking about so far today. There's so many parallels, I mean, Jess yeah the postpartum experience, you were talking Anne earlier about, like the grief of loss, right? I mean, like, these are similar for a reason. People are flooded and this these are intense moments in our lives and oftentimes, it could be feel feel even more overwhelming to name what you need. I think of Brene Brown sometimes because she tells this great story of, she used to be a waitress and really busy restaurant, and sometimes the waitstaff would get what they will report as violence, we just don't do it through a person, right? We blown, right, they will just like like totally overwhelmed, couldn't even like take orders couldn't do anything. And there was just an unspoken support that would happen, all you'd have to say to your coworkers is I'm blown, you would literally go into the walk in freezer, and literally and figuratively chill out and take five and breathe and calm your nervous system down. And everybody else would just immediately start doing right pick up the table, like bring the water, whatever was going. And I just, I think of I mean, it's a very simple thing to state. But like, I just think about that in those moments of where, you know, we are so emotionally overloaded from our own experience, or sometimes maybe others, like, you know, being able to just simply, the one thing to say to somebody is I'm totally blown, I just need you to do. Or to be able to read that that's happening at somebody in your life and be able to do be the person, it's like, I'm just, I'm at City Market, I'm just going to pick up some food for you, right, I'm gonna and it's gonna show up on your doorstep, and you don't need to see me. There's so many nuggets that y'all have dropped in this conversation today, like very practical tips, I think anybody listening is going to be like, Holy cats, this is so helpful. So I feel ready, like if this were to come, and I know that I don't have to be all the things right? don't do it by solving a person's experience of violence, we do it by showing up in community by like, you know, working with Uplift, like we are ways that we can engage in our community, if we are saying, What happened to my friend, my loved one wasn't right, and it should never happen to anyone again. And so I'm going to, I'm going to contribute. I'm going to figure out a way to interrupt that really, you know, inappropriate, racist, sexist joke that my friends told and say, You know what, that's not right. You know, I'm gonna look for ways that I can just pick up the roots so those things that are causing our culture to be the soup, the water, we're swimming in, of, kind of toxic culture, right? So we can do those things. Yes.
Jessica Barquist:Anne this reminds me of something you say often, that I have really taken to heart around this work and this movement, and you say that there are many paths up the mountain. And that is, so very much like, the point of this podcast, right is to show everyone that no matter who you are, what your skill set is, there's a role for you in making this world a better place. And it's actually it's not all that hard, if we just like think about it for a moment and interrupt those seeds and, and just be really authentically conscious about these, these issues. And these things.
Henekis Stoddard:Absolutely. I love that and I would really goes well, with too with, I don't have to be every pathway up. Right? Like I don't have to I don't know, maybe I'm trying to go with the analogy, like maybe some of those paths have terrain, I don't have skills on navigating, right? Like I and that's okay, like, you know, that
Jessica Barquist:I think we often feel that way Henekis that, like, here are all of the things and if I can't do all of the things like I can't make a difference on this social issue. And I think that's exactly what we're trying to break down here. Is that like, actually, you can and there is a path for you. And you only have to take your path.
Henekis Stoddard:Yep, absolutely. Absolutely. And I think that helps us be a little less afraid of arriving. I think it allows us to arrive a little bit more authentically. I can be honest about like, here's what I have. And here's the skills I have. And here's the ways that I engage. And here's the ways that I haven't figured out yet and I may not. And that and that's okay, right. We I mean, there's plenty for us all to do.
Jessica Barquist:Oh, y'all are on fire. I love this. So amazing. I feel like we've connected so many different things.
Henekis Stoddard:There was one thought that I had that we can kind of take or leave but I think talking about the broadness of somebody sharing their story. It's also important for us to think that there's differences within the context that somebody is currently in. So somebody could be sharing telling us that or story, while there are in the midst of being harmed with that might feel a lot like they're, you know, in in crisis, or in a place of potentially more harm, somebody could come to us and be sharing their story, while they're currently in a relationship where there's harm. And that's going to carry with it just a some differences, some of those pieces about not taking power away, are going to be all the more important. Thinking about safety on a certain level is going to be all the more important in those moments. So I just wanted to name that there's also sort of nuances, the other piece of us to not jump to will, now we got to do something, right. And I think sometimes we think of if somebody is in a relationship where they're experiencing harm, or somebody's harming them, we might be like, Okay, how are you going to leave. And that may not be where somebody is in their, their trajectory of where their heart is, where their safety level is. And so also just thinking about being a support person, that we don't jump to that assumption, either that there's something that somebody has to be doing that, like, the sheer impact of just being able to not sit alone in it is it is important in those moments as well. And I think that we can more kind of jump to, how can I protect you? How can I get you out of this. And so I just wanted to name that. And also, sort of after an experience of harm has happened, and maybe somebody isn't in the midst of, you know, having more experiences of harm. And that way, there's no timeline of it still being really helpful and important for somebody to, to have someone else to lean on or be able to share that. And I really liked the analogy, Jessica of like, that postpartum, right, there's like, there's just this massive experience, there's this huge life change. And you know, some of its gruesome and so it's beautiful, and what have you, and it's really big, and you get to talk about it for like, the month after you've had the baby. Right. But if you've ever navigated the world, after having a baby, everybody's ready to talk about it, right, and you know, they had their babies 50 years ago, because it's almost like we put a cap on like how long, you know, well, you're not in the middle of it anymore so you're not allowed to process it. And so for, you know, take it or leave it, but just kind of thinking about, maybe it's just another piece of just meeting somebody where they're at, and that there's a different sort of, quote unquote, readiness that we might want to show up with, if it's been if somebody's literally right in the middle of it, or if it's years out, and also just honoring that, it's still just as important to be to see their strengths and and meet them where they're at and not take power away. And all of that stuff.
Anne Smith:it makes me think about healing not being linear. Yeah, that there isn't a there isn't we're over it, or it's done time. And, and so part of readying ourselves or having the skills to respond to people's stories is like, also being ready for when it comes back up when something happens that you know is is bringing it to the surface of their experience again, and being willing to be receptive to that story, you know, months, years down the line, and not just expecting somebody to be done. Because you know, the court case is resolved or they've left their partner or whatever it might be, too. So I love that point Henekis and if we if there isn't true urgency, like somebody's not in imminent fear of harm in the moment, then there is there is space for us to also get the resources we need. You know, maybe it's time to call the the member organization in your area from the Network and say, Hey, I have a friend who's experiencing intimate partner violence, I want to be ready if they decide that they're ready to leave their partner, what resources would they need, you know? Or how should I receive that conversation and talking through those things so that you're ready to meet them where they're at, at the moment, they're ready.
Henekis Stoddard:Can I add one thing to that, that I just love, too, is that we as support people have permission to take care of ourselves. And that that's really, really important. So I've been an advocate for like, 20 years. And when I was like a newbie baby advocate, really thought that like the best thing was like you don't cry in the moment, you don't shift that focus. You don't take that power away. But I also never then cried. You know, just being really vulnerable and honest, I didn't then cry. And I had some of those thinking of like, Well, who am I to cry or release this in some way or take care of myself? Like, I'm not the one experiencing and I really diminished my own ability to also say this is really impactful. Like here's somebody is theirs. I care about this so deeply. And I remember, you know, I was a really great advocate and I stayed present and I remember going to a conference and going to a workshop where a survivor told their story. And at that point, I had heard many people started being honored to be present for many people's stories and, and the survivors started telling their stories and I literally started to shake, and I started to cry. And I'm looking around and I'm like, oh, is are people going to judge me that I can't handle hearing somebody's story. And it really was an aha moment, sort of afterwards of like, oh, I wasn't taking care of myself, like, this is so powerful. And this is really impactful. And I've been doing good to be present in those moments. But like, I really needed a cry, like this was really big. And I also think that we can lean on support people in our lives while holding confidence, then where we can say, you know, I heard, you know, just just something I really care about impacted me deeply. And can you sit with me for a minute and not share somebody else's story by any means? We want to absolutely hold somebody's confidence. But that, I guess, just that permission that like, I falsely saw it as maybe a sign of, of, I don't know, weakness, or something, Oh, am I not, you know, that I can't carry this? And it's like, no, I can, but I also need to take care of myself well while carrying this and doing this, and so just to like, I guess that reminder to, to honor that it's like kind of a beautiful thing, that we're we have that compassion, and to tend to ourselves in that.
Jessica Barquist:We're going around, and we're asking people across the state what their vision is, for a violence brief future, kind of the idea being that if we can paint that picture and really see it in our heads, we can then build the bridge to get there. And so I want to ask you both, I'll start with you Henekis. What's your vision for a violence free future? And what is one of the ways maybe that we've already talked about that you want to reinforce, for something totally different that you see, that we can all take to get us to that place?
Henekis Stoddard:I think to start with, I really feel like my vision of a violence free future is like one that has fully grappled with its use, and like leaning into systemic violence and harm, that we have really evaluated the ways in which that has informed our then interpersonal connections, and has really limited our creativity around thinking up solutions, you asked a really positive question, and I understand I'm going to the negative. But I think that it's important that like, we know that a lot of these negatives are the root causes of these harms that we're talking about, you know, and investment in power dynamics and a worshipping of power over a high level use of violence, specifically in response to shifting other people's behaviors. So things that we want to see, you know, or don't want to see, we see faced with sort of violence. And these are like, these are our, our cultural norms. And these are things that are really weighted in our values. And I think it's imperative that we have come to a place of addressing those relationships and not sort of investing in violence and power and dominance on like a bigger systemic level. And, and have really found ways to be creative and invest in in, like, transformative justice practices. I just, I think that that is so that's more like talking about the journey to you know, the violence free place, but I always I think about the journey because I think that there's so many tangibles, I think sometimes if we're only thinking of like the dream and the vision at the end of the road, that's so beautiful, keep your eye on the prize, but we can lose sight of what are the steps to get there. And that there's absolutely tangible things that we can be doing in this moment. That was like steps to the landing of the staircase, right? So that's the start of my answer.
Anne Smith:To the violence free world we want where people are connected and honored for who they are and what they bring to their communities. And I think about this dear teacher of ours, Norma Wong's talks about violence, we can create a world where violence exists without it taking hold, for me is sort of a midway stepping point to the world free of violence entirely. It's like if we can get to a place where we we can respond to violence that occurs and not allow it to take hold as sort of a guiding part of our the way we exist or interact with each other. I just love the idea of like, you know, harm happens. It's how we respond to it and what we allow it to become that matters.
Jessica Barquist:So interesting. I was having this conversation yesterday, violence free is the language we use because we don't have better language to explain what you just said Anne, and that acknowledgement that, like there is never going to be a world where harm doesn't happen. But it's a world in which harm is not systemic and implicit and like the dominant, which exactly what you were just saying, Henekis, right? It's not the overarching bubble. And when it happens, it is tended to and responded to in transformative ways. You said it was a stepping stone Henekis but I think it was like the full answer. Awesome.
Henekis Stoddard:I love it, it made me think of like, a violence, rare community, right? Like this, you know, it's like, it's a marginal thing that happens, it's not the bulk of who we are, it's not sort of a go to, and we can look at it for what it is and address it and really comprehensive and responsive ways to make it even more rare, versus it is what we value.
Jessica Barquist:And I think it's also representative of how systemic violence is, in that we have really good language in our culture around violence, but we have very little for the opposite of violence. We it's also we dont even have the language for it.
Anne Smith:It's representative of the way we think in binaries, which I think, you know, we're also progressing out of, because it's like somebody, you know, causes harm, and then they become the person who causes harm. Like, that's all they become, we have to be striving for a world where, when somebody, someone causes harm, that they're in, they're in community with folks who say, that's, that's not you, that's not the best of you. And we're asking for the best of you to show up for us in community. It's not, you don't become the thing. Justice, like survivors don't want to become what happened to them either. You know, they're, it's about for me, inviting the wholeness of ourselves to be present and community with each other.
Jessica Barquist:Our last question that we've been asking everyone, and which I'd love to ask you both now is what is causing a revolution in your heart right now? And what I mean by that is something that you're really excited about you feel really hopeful about or something we can learn more about, maybe something in your work, a book that you've read, like whatever it is that is giving you that spark?
Henekis Stoddard:Well, I'll say I'm, I'm like constantly invested in generational progress, not like perfection, right, that's a part of the like, journey. We, we have started working with some young folks and engaged in spaces where we're learning from them. And we're really grappling with some of these exact topics. And I know that as a teenager, these were not the conversations that we were able to have. And when I joined this movement at 23 years old, this was not the same movement. We weren't having the conversations in this way. And so I think that that's been really keeping me energized and making me think about how are we? How are we just like engaging in the work that pushes that needle to get us to those places that we need to be? And I feel really honored that I get to work with youth, because I definitely, I don't just think I know, right? That they have some wisdom, they have less unlearning and they have some brilliant things to teach us about where we need to go to get to those to get to that violence free of violence rare place. So lean into, to hanging with some youth and really learning from them about how they see all this, and where they see us going and what they need to really make a different world.
Anne Smith:Yeah, like, Henekis I've been doing this work for a hot minute. In fact, I started in the last century. So you know, there's that. I'm hearing conversation shifting in, and I think people have been calling for this for for decades of the movement to end violence. But I feel like the conversation of it takes all of us that, you know, movements for social justice, and all sorts of facets really have to come together if we want in many paths up that mountain, if we want a different world and I feel like that conversation is taking root in a way that is really exciting to me and gives me the flutters in my heart and because I really do believe that's the way we're gonna to move towards a violence free world or to achieve that violence free world. This is going to take more of us to join together and and stand up for each other and stand with each other, both in community but also in response to harm. And so that just that I feel excited about that.
Henekis Stoddard:Yeah, and thank you for naming that. We're doing social justice work and it's imperative that that is is our work right? And I don't that was not necessarily as clearly the case, always really understanding like, yeah, that like we can't do this work without also looking at systems of oppression and the ways in which that we're really addressing those and that we're aligning with, with other movements and other movement leaders around, you know, working to really address oppression. And I do see that as a change and a shift that absolutely causes that revolution in my heart and allows me to stay at the table, because I like, as you said, like, it's been a hot minute, I've been in the game, and if they, if there hadn't been that change, you know, maybe some of us wouldn't have sustained for so long. And you know, so it's like, there has been movement, right, there has been change, and we're at a place that I can see more and more beautiful opportunities to be sort of changing the world.
Anne Smith:Yeah, it's like we're getting to the top of, of these hills and the horizon, you know, there's a new vision of the horizon that we are able to see from these, these hills. Like, we might not be at the end, yet, but, but we can see more. I love that, that.
Jessica Barquist:Being an ally, and showing up authentically and believing and receiving is social justice work. It's all very aligned.
Anne Smith:It takes all of us Jess, it takes all Yeah. However we show up, even if it's just with a pie.
Jessica Barquist:I love it. Yes, let's bring pie. Let's continue these discussions.
Henekis Stoddard:Can I have one thing? I'm going to do a doorknob thing right now, like was
Anne Smith:Was the revolution started with pie? Like the light that has come into that space
Henekis Stoddard:Doorknob conversation, right. Um, I also just want to say how really revolutionary it can be for people to share their stories, you know, one of the things that Henekis. The, I just love that you brought silence and secrecy, a lot of these forms of harm, rely on our silence and secrets, and every single one of us has an opportunity to break down those barriers. You know, just I remember when like, the Me Too because it is absolutely the source, things like Me Too movement, like took hold, I think I was like listening to the radio, and there was somebody speaking about or what have you, and I had to pull over on the side of the road. Because really just allowed sunlight to fill, and just fill the space of I was like, the power of people sharing their stories can change the world. Because if we're just all sitting here thinking we're alone, right, it's like, when you share your story, and it survivor stories and not and not and the veil of like this, like like it gives space for me to share mine as well. And so also just like how, like that's, you know, survivors are changing the world by that, you know, when they when they lean on us as shame and secrecy that is imposed on, it's not coming from allies or trust or share their stories or share their stories with with each other. And it's just, yeah, really powerful. them, right. Yep, that like that, that it just, it was like total sunlight coming into the space. And so I'm so glad that you popped in with that at the end that, you know, that that
Jessica Barquist:And it was folks believing and receiving was a huge, that was a revolution. And it was just folks being brave enough to be vulnerable on Twitter, you know, and they changed the world. those stories that allowed for that momentum to grow. And so I just think it's so important, as folks are kind of listening to this and thinking about their ally ship that like just being there for survivors empowers that movement. And so it is such a key role in in making that change happen and allowing that movement to grow.
Anne Smith:Yeah, being there for someone else is allowing a shining light you know, it's shining a light in your response and allowing the shame that shame veil to get pulled off a little bit more.
Llu Mulvaney-Stanak:Yeah, I was just the collective power that that also provided all of us to collectively say we believe you didn't need to know everybody that was involved in the Me Too. But there's this collective, not anymore. We're not going to be silent about this, uh not anymore. We're not going to just like let people get away with this, you know, that. And to your point earlier about all the youth You know, like this is part of what has now started a normalization of we don't put up with this anymore. This is not okay. You know, we do talk about this as a culture. We are all collectively responsible to be here together in this so.
Jessica Barquist:For those people who are the solvers and feel like it might be really hard for them to just sit and believe and receive right, but actually in doing that, it is Doing it is solving because by doing that you are a huge part of the solution and the moving of this movement forward not just for that individual survivor, but for the collective as well and building that violence, violence free or violence rare future.
Henekis Stoddard:Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.
Anne Smith:Thanks so much.
Henekis Stoddard:Well you all are so wonderful. This has been really delightful. Thank you. Bye All.
Jessica Barquist:And a big thanks to you, our listeners for being with us today. We all have a role to play in creating a violence free VT. And there are simple things we can all do each and every day that make a big impact on changing our culture, and making it a place where all are able to thrive. You can find more information and notes from today's show on our website at vtnetwork.org/uplift-conversations. On our website there's also a form where you can share your ideas and thoughts with us about this episode or what you want to hear about next. We would love to hear from you.
Llu Mulvaney-Stanak:And if you enjoyed this conversation or learn something today, please give us five star ratings and share this with your friends and family members. Be sure to subscribe for more episodes and together we can Uplift Vermont and create a violence free world where all people can thrive.
