The Importance of Fathers' Engagement in Education

This month we're talking about this important topic of making sure that in education fathers are engaged in someway somehow, so that we can make improvements in the academic achievement of our children. 

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Transcript

Mars  00:00

And then talk to them about what interests them. You know, again, I will use my grandson, he loves Minecraft. Well, Minecraft is about building things. And so they're building things in a virtual world, take the virtual world and go outside and build it with a box outside, you know what I mean? Like you can connect the two worlds together and they see things in a spatial way that's way different than you would ever thought. Hello, everybody, it's good to be here today, our family and community engagement podcast. Normally, every day that you listen to us, it's Marissa Lazo-Necco and I, you know, we're going to work in tandem with these podcasts as we support our 33 school districts in this amazing county of San Bernardino. Today, as we talk about engaging fathers in education, this is going to be the topic today for everyone. Marissa will not be here because she's committed to our statewide community engagement initiative. And there will be times where, you know, it'll be me, it'll be Marissa, it might be both of us. We're looking at bringing on guests. And so today, it'll just be me, as we talk about this important topic of making sure that in education that fathers are engaged in some way somehow, so that we can make improvements in the academic achievement of our children. And, you know, this work has started I would say about 15 years ago, I was very honored to be a part of what we call the Inland Empire fatherhood coalition. And I'm going to give a shout out to some men in the community that had started this work, gentlemen, like, Damien Wright, Damion Duncan, James Moses, CJ Cook, Falos Hair, Keith Hosea, Martina Sellars, Andre Basu, and Jeff Tunnel. Many of these individuals are still in the community doing work, others have transitioned into other positions in their careers. But there is one individual that came a little bit later after those founding individuals did the Inland Empire fatherhood coalition. That's Juan Solis, and Juan is our coordinator at the Children's network, and he oversees all our fatherhood engagement work throughout the county through the Inland Empire fatherhood coalition. So I just wanted to start off there by giving a shout out to those folks, as I go into our content today. I also want to start off with, you know, as we do this work, we need to really unpack what I call Adult mindsets. We're doing work with kids, but many times our adult mindsets get in the way of doing work with kids. And so it's important for you to kind of self reflect around, you know, what is your background and experience? And what do I bring into the work that impacts how I engage families? And in particular today's topic about fathers? And how do I engage my colleagues in the work? Also, how does my background and beliefs potentially bias my work when engaging families and fathers? And this is a question that I asked a lot when I work with a lot of our women and education only because they bring unique experiences. And most of our women do amazing work, and they're nurturing, but some of them have experiences which may not have been so positive with maybe father figures in their lives, or fathers that they've been involved with. And sometimes those biases can block the way we do work, in education. And so it's just one of those things to self reflect that what is my bias in this work potentially bring in to engaging fathers? And then what do I truly believe is possible in the terms of student achievement? Or what is the best way for students to the work of engaging fathers? What is the best way that we can help academic achievement through engaging fathers? So that's kind of that that talk around unpacking mindsets. And the goal here today is really to not have kids growing up, like Tupac, if you remember the Tupac song, the rap song called Dear Mama. He had a look and a view of his father. And part of it was like, you know, now Ain't nobody to tell us. What was fair, no love for my daddy, because the collar wasn't there, he passed away and I didn't cry, because my anger wouldn't let me feel for a stranger. You got to think about that, right? Like, kids grow up without a father figure. They grew up with what I call a hole in their heart. And so it's important that we in the educational systems that we are in, are engaging fathers. And all the data shows that when fathers or father figures and what I mean by father figures, it could be an uncle, it could be a grandparent, it could be a coach in the community. Anyone who, who a child or a young person kind of sees as a mentor, a father figure in the in those senses of the term. So when I talk about fathers, even though we talk about biological, we're also talking about other men in the social circles of these of the students. You know, in my own life, I am right now raising a niece. Her name is Sophia who's 14. She's a freshman in high school and So you know, her dad's not around, he had passed away several years ago. And mom is doing things in the streets that aren't cool. And so my wife and I have stepped up to make sure that she has what she needs to have a successful life. And I am her father figure, although I'm her uncle. And so she calls me Nino because we're her godparents. But that's just another topic in itself around the cultural nuances of how we bring up kids. But all kids, when fathers are engaged father figures, they have better academic performance, they have better behavior in schools, greater social, emotional, and cognitive well being less criminal behavior, better relationships in their adult lives, they're less likely to live in poverty, they're less likely to use drugs and alcohol right now with the Fentanyl crisis that we have, you know, we're trying to keep our kids safe through not using drugs. So this is a one way to maybe not have that happen. They're more likely to receive quality health care, and then just enjoy school and life more. Those are data points that we're all looking for. But the other area of focus that we want to talk about too, today is the barriers to father involvement. You know, some men in culturally nuanced, you know, lives like in a Latino families, you know, they're seen as women's work. There's a cultural belief that the women go to the schools and take care of the school business while the men work. And yes, many of us work full time jobs, but so do moms now, you know, the current reality of the economics is that usually both parents are working or single parents or were was working, they're working. And so we got to get away from those cultural nuances. But sometimes schools aren't welcoming to dads. When I do work in schools, I walk in the front offices, and I look around and I say, you know, do do I am I reflected in in this office Am I reflected in the work of education, and sometimes when you look around, you'll see flowers, and you'll see things that you that that are not, you know, maybe men kind of things that drive us to the front office of a school, parent leadership groups that are often skewed towards mothers. And this is an experience that I had, as a father engaged in elementary school and PTA. I was the treasurer of PTA and as the meetings would go on, the President would say, Okay, ladies, anything else. And I would always raise my hand in the back, hey, don't forget about me, oh, and Mars, you know what I mean. So it's just one of those things. And it's not as done purposefully, but women are generally involved in the education of their children. And again, many fathers aren't able to attend school functions during the day, because of their irregular work schedules. And so we have to make time on weekends, evenings, to do things that fathers can be engaged with. There are very few opportunities for non resident fathers. And what I mean by that is, mom may have the child and fathers aren't at home. How are we as school systems connecting to the non resident Father, to come to the school and feel comfortable being engaged with their children? And then many fathers don't know what to do in a school setting? You know, what do you want me to do? What can I help with? And so sometimes we have to reach out and say, Hey, here's some areas of focus that we would love our men to be in. Lack of transportation could be one disagreements between the mothers and fathers, mothers being gatekeepers. And so we need to help facilitate how we have conversations with our noncustodial fathers, lack of male staff that can relate to fathers in school systems. And then sometimes literacy and language difficulties can be barriers. So just a few things to think about as we do this work collectively together. Another thing to consider is, you know, who are the fathers in our community, fathers are living apart from their children may need a different way to be engaged. Working fathers and mothers may particularly appreciate weekend activities I said earlier. So those are the kinds of things we just need to consider each time we're working. And then as you work if you're an educator, or you're a PTA person trying to organize fatherhood activities, or anyone that's doing this work, build a team, don't do this work in silos because it'll burn you out, first of all, and then there's too many moving parts. So what I always tell people is to identify a shortlist of potential leaders, such as some dads that might be already taking kids to school, school staff administrators who can organize what I call Dad engagement, and an ask one or the one or two of them to be identified, to commit to lead the work and have buy in from these debts. And so as you as you build the team, I coined this the database, dad a base, get it database, but this is dad-a-base. And so as you begin building your database, recruit those dads that are walking or dropping off their scholars, engage them talk to them, say hello, maybe give them a little informational flyer and say, Hey, we have this meeting coming up. We'd love Have you attend. And it may not just be one time, you might have to remind us three or four times, set up informal monthly meetings to gather feedback and plan possible activities. I remember doing some work with one of the middle schools in Fontana, where we did what we called Monday Night Football. And we streamed the game, I don't know if it was legal to stream it, but I'm just saying we streamed the game. We had dads bring their lawn chairs, we provided pizza and and, you know, soda and different drinks for the for the kids and dads, and they sat there and just watched football together at the school site. And then determine how best to communicate with your dads is a text messaging? Is it through email, you know, is it through a personal phone call, reach out and ask those questions, what's the best way? And then as we work what language appeals to us, right? If you have a workshop in a school setting, and you have a course entitled dad, child development, and it might not attract us as men, right. But if you talk about the nuts and bolts of kids, you know, that's a different language. And so you may attract us men a little bit more than child development. So asking parents sustained help out, maybe get positive response from mothers, but asking for strong hands, or helping hands may get better response from fathers were fixers, we're doers where, you know, we want to see how we can pick up things strong and moving from one place to another and build things for carnivals, or those kinds of things. So that's how you ask us. And then we love structured activities, you know, mothers might likely feel comfortable about coming in and a setting and just jump in and help. We fathers will sit back and watch for a while. And then if there's a need, we might jump in. So we like specific tasks, such as maybe painting or doing some outdoor games or sporting kind of events. So that's the structured activities that I'm talking about. And then as you continue to plan your dad friendly activities for schools, you know, maybe things like a dad's play day on a Saturday, bring your dad to school day. I know some schools do donuts and dads, Pinewood Derby I remember back in the day, we would build these cars, and we would build ramps and kids would race them down these ramps, and they're just activities that dads can get connected and be competitive at the same time with it. Career Week, our dads bring a myriad of knowledge around the work that they do already. And so if they come into classrooms, to highlight what they do in their daily lives, it can inspire children to for success. And then Watchdogs. Talk a little bit a little bit about watchdogs because it's part of one of my favorite activities of all time. The reason why it's a favorite is one, we're always talking about school safety and security. And, you know, many times, I would think, and I hope to God that it never happens in any school. But if someone was trying to plan something bad in a school, one of the things that that individual might be thinking about it, there's 10 dads in the school, that might not be a school, I want to go hit because it's very a strong fortress kind of school where people aren't going to get in and do bad things. But if there's a school with no dads or no, no security, right, no watchful eyes, that might be a target. And so I always think if you can build a watchdogs program where dads are on campus, walking around playing with kids connecting with kids, playing on the basketball courts helping with traffic in the front, sometimes we have these, these schools that just have this enormous traffic issue. And so sometimes dads can wear an orange vest and help bring cars in and out and get kids in and out of their cars as they're coming in. That's what the watchdogs programs can bring. And then I talked earlier about Monday Night Football, some other crazy creative activities. You can do you know real men cook, dads like to smoke meat, you know, try tips and, and ribs and maybe have a cookout one day at the school? Do a makerspace schools right now are creating rooms where their maker spaces with 3d printers, you can have dads come in and look at what you know, expertise they may have building things making things and have them come into these maker spaces. And so you know, as an educator, again, how do you foster engagement, make sure that the specific information concerning the mother and father is complete completed on the school enrollment form. You know, a lot of times, schools won't engage fathers because they don't even know who the father may be on the form. And so make sure those forms are up to date. You know, try to address all your communication to both parents when appropriate, not just the mom if they're divorced or separated, make sure that you send the information to both parents. When calling home to ask to speak with a father as well as the mother. You know, try to keep both parents informed through newsletters, email notes, concerning the child's progress, and then ask for suggestions to collaborate. Let them tell you how they want to be involved. Ask them to share their ideas in ways they can make things out. happen for them. And then if you're a father listening to this podcast today, you know, I always think oh man going out to Disneyland or or Knott's Berry Farm is expensive. There are so many ways that you can engage your child in inexpensive activities like reading with your child, taking your scholar to the library, play games or sports with him or her take your child into outings to the park or the zoo museum. I know those are a little bit, you know, they can be costly, but the zoos aren't aren't that expensive. So that's a nice educational opportunity to just walk around and, and see things and learn about you know, just animals and, and nature. Completing routine jobs together. You know, I have a grandson, his name is Liam, and we'll be out in the garage doing woodwork. And look, the kid can't cut anything. But just having him hold the saw the drill in a supervised setting is already building connections to to doing work maybe later in his life. And then teach your child a new skill. Like I said that woodworking cooking, changing a tire. You know, the other day, my neighbor down the street and I were changing the brakes on a car and just having them show them what what the inner workings of a caliper and a brake is and people like what is that? Well, this is a brake system. And this is what it does when you press the brake pedal is it engages the brake system. So you stop right. And the rubber on the road helps you stop the car. And you know us kind of talk about the science things we talked about STEM, there is a science activity conversation going on right there. And then talk to them about what interests them. You know, again, I will use my grandson, he loves Minecraft. Well, Minecraft is about building things. And so they're building things in a virtual world, take the virtual world and go outside and build it with a box outside, you know what I mean? Like you can connect the two worlds together and they see things in a spatial way. That's way different than you would ever thought of eating meals together, encourages those conversations and discussions. And and most of all, and it's hard for some of us dads, but to express love, hugging your child grabbing them, playing with them wrestling, whatever you need to do. That's a connection that children need. So make sure you do that I have an 18 year old son, Isaac. And you know, yesterday was his first day of college. And before he left in the morning, I jumped on the bed, he was still asleep. And I said Son, I'm proud of you. Good luck today. Go knock it out of the park, you know, and I said that because he was a baseball player. But you know, he was like, what are you doing dad? stop! I know he liked it. Okay, and so you have to be able to have those connections. And so, as you've listened today, I hope that I've given you some pointers, some success, some some thoughts, you can always reach out to us later on in our through our face team. Like I told you, Marissa and I, we work in tandem together. If you ever need to reach us, you can contact the number of 909-386-2686 that's 909-286-2686 and get a hold of us if there's ever any questions. But as I close today, I just wanted to remind you that your children can be around you all day. But if you don't spend quality time with them, and you don't pay attention to them, and talk to them and listen to them. It doesn't matter that they're just around you. So the goal is stay engaged, stay connected, ask questions, converse, talk, wrestle, play, whatever it may be, to stay engaged. I want to thank you all for listening to this podcast today. Again, I hope that we build some sort of capacity, and I wish you the best. Thank you all for listening, and have a great, great day.