Sohbet 270725: Unlearning

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Transcript

Unlearning

shaykh ibrahim ansari

Imagine you are halfway across the desert. The thirst is overwhelming. You stop at an oasis and ask for a cup of water. The owner of this water hole gives you a cup filled with chili instead of water. The water is right there, but it must be emptied first. Then, we can get some water.

It is the same with our ideas, opinions, facts, and sometimes what we were taught as ‘religion’. They are all usually lumped together into what we think of as a ‘me’. It is difficult to separate the ideas and opinions from the culture and the spiritual truths without taking the time, effort and necessary objectivity.

This is when many people get confused about taking on a spiritual path and its teachings. You cannot just add on to whatever junk pile you’ve accumulated so far. Before you can actually use the teachings, you have to go back to your piled up littered area and slowly and carefully pick through the treasures and the trash. It is a fragile framework of incomplete philosophies that has barely served you but kept you alive and sort of functioning.

Some memories of the collection may have sentimental value. Those we put to one side. Another sorting requires us to ask, “Do I need this any more?” This might concern a reaction-set, like being annoyed by siblings or parents who seem so set in their ways that they will not change, even though you may know what they need. Eventually you might realize It is absurd trying to change others. Your responsibility is you, not others.

Going through one’s reaction-set is a primary obligation. You can get rid of a lot of unnecessary grief, regret and guilt, discriminating between needless old patterns. It does require a heroic kind of courage to put on the adult clothes and face the unpleasant demons (Nafs, programming, patterns, habits) we carry around with us.

After several years of head-on shoveling the manure you have created, you will notice things are starting to grow. Good things. The scent of beautiful smelling flowers and trees has replaced the original stench.

Now you are ready to start learning. But this kind of learning is quite different than the way you were first taught. This is a lot more subtle. That is why you need a teacher - to help you to be able to see the difference between true lessons as opposed to imagined or wished-for instructions. Your own wonderful suggestions on what you think you need to know will swiftly amuse, and then immediately be discarded.

The ‘you’ that was an amalgamation of opinions, habits, concepts and fantasies is being whittled down, day by day.  We are getting closer to the self you originally came into life with.

This unlearning is like weeding. It comes in predetermined layers - for you, specifically. Clearing out the top layer brings you, obviously, to the next layer. That problem you thought you solved, well, it turns out that it was connected to a deeper problem, because you assumed some misleading information. Now, you must clear it out as well. But, because you have already learned how to properly weed, you have more energy and are more efficient in the process. Keep on weeding!

This process, of getting to the roots of the problems, is life changing. You cannot enter this path and not be transformed. Beginning to learn means unlearning who you thought you were. It also means learning about your authentic self: the one connected through your heart to the Creator, and to every other living thing throughout all the universes.

Now, something that no one ever will tell you, is that, upon entering a deep and ancient spiritual practice such as Sufism, you will definitely need a great deal of ‘down time’. Things will occur that will shift your perspectives every which way. 

These revelations will surprise and throw you off balance for a while. It takes an unexpected amount of time to process and integrate these new discoveries into your life. The moments of unveiling cannot be predicted, nor can you make appointments with it. Perceptions long dormant will suddenly reveal new ways of seeing. You will be entering what we call Allah’s time. Everything is Allah’s, you just forgot. And that remembering is what you will be experiencing. That is the importance of the unlearning - making room and time to learn how to be flexible and adaptable to this new period of awakening.

You are going to learn you know nothing. Your concepts of everything you know are off-kilter. There is no balance, and you are so full of yourself that nothing is going to be learned until you start dumping and flushing out your false self. It is in the way, and your heart is thirsty. Empty that glass of ‘you’. Become empty. Then the deep learning can take place.

Once the process begins, you will understand and realize how much you need that teacher. Their experiences about the path and their specific knowledge of you will help outline the road that at first seems to be so fuzzy and wobbly.

Another category of unlearning will be disengaging from looking to others for confirmation or affirmation. You will discover that nobody likes you for changing. You will lose friends, family members will consider you crazy or lost, and the entire world will seem to flip upside down. 

The consequences of stopping and looking within troubles many for many reasons. You will receive first-hand knowledge of why people look at you in dismay, fear, condescension, pity and disgust. Another unlearning lesson: you are not responsible for what others think or feel about you. Your job is to act with respect, good manners, compassion and empathy.

This path is known. It is well mapped. Those who have walked it know that we each must walk our own. I cannot walk it for you. But you will have comfort in knowing that we are here to support you and applaud your courage and intention, your commitment and sense of humor that makes this possible.

“And how many hours a day did you do lessons?” said Alice, in a hurry to change the subject.

“Ten hours the first day,” said the Mock Turtle: “nine the next, and so on.”

“What a curious plan!” exclaimed Alice.

“That’s the reason they’re called lessons,” the Gryphon remarked: “because they lessen from day to day.”

And may your self-ness (Nafs, ego) continue to lessen day to day.

This Path of Love is learning the lessons you need to reduce the control of your made-up self.

To bring your heart to peace you must search out the real answers to those honest, heartfelt questions. 

Rumi says, “On this path let the heart be your guide, for the body is hesitant and full of fear. On the path of Love we are neither masters nor the owners of our lives. We are only a brush in the hand of the master painter.”

More On Unlearning

Self-Erasure: Unlearning the Self

shaykh ibrahim ansari

When you have finally realized that you are not as important as you thought you were, and that you want to begin minimizing your nafs, there are numerous effective techniques developed by Sufis over the past several thousand years. These original tools have brought us, in a rather diluted form, the practices of psychology (and its various modalities), hypnosis, naturopathy, meditation, visualization, breathing techniques and others; though some require direct contact with a Sufi teacher.

Your part in adopting a vehicle from this smorgasbord of instruments, is to determine what works best for you. This will require experimentation. Watching what gives you the best results means that you need to closely observe (witness) how your nafs react, and if it works for you.

For example, one of the many mechanisms I found that operates well for me, is to purposely not to take myself so seriously. To do that, I counter my self-importance by assuming the role of idiot or fool. Instead of thinking this one’s opinions and ideas are vital for the continued thriving of humanity, the preference is to assume I know nothing. I will never have enough information, facts, knowledge or anything of consequence to uplift or solve the world’s - or your - problems.

This allows me (and others) to laugh at myself, which I find irritates the nafs wonderfully. It’s like throwing the searchlight of awareness on the sniveling little sucker who hides in the dark. The more light means the less the nafs can conceal. And that means I can keep better track of annoying habits.

The purpose of any kind of sourcing of an attachment or habit is to remove it from doing any more harm or interference. But this also means taking the time and effort to look honestly at one’s specific upbringing and predilections (specific foibles). 

As I hit my puberty years, I found my moods being either extremely high or horribly depressed. The up and down, back and forth emotional roller coaster was tearing me apart. So, my decision, to cut the Gordian knot with self-deprecating humor, was what this one tried for a while, and it worked. It still works.

As for your precise situation, that is what you must analyze objectively, and if necessary, with professional help like a therapist or Shaykh. But before you enter into this work, I suggest you clarify your intention of why you are undergoing assistance for what may become a significant change. Be very clear with yourself and the guide, of why you are there, and what you expect to achieve.

Yes, sometimes it takes years to plow through the overgrowth of attachments and hard-headedness. It is important to understand that this is a life-long unlearning that requires diligence, commitment, and a very strong dose of the ability to laugh at yourself - and at the whole game of hide and seek.