Love Dump

What if your most enduring love story began with a teacher asking a fourth-grader to be a friend? We share the arc from that first yes to a Valentine’s Day reunion in seventh grade and the 28-year bond that followed—one built on unspoken rituals, trust without scorekeeping, and a village-first approach to love and life. No clichés, no tidy labels—just the real mechanics of a relationship that defies assumptions and still feels simple.

We walk through how everyday gestures—one of us crafting the perfect margarita while the other dials in cameras and mics—become a part of our love language. That language powers everything: our personal lives, our parenting, and a business that runs on devotion expressed as structure. We unpack why we don’t ask one person to be every bucket and how a village model brings more stability, less jealousy, and a lot more joy. From navigating outside judgments to finding partners who honor our soulmate friendship, we show how consent, clarity, and care become our operating system.

You’ll hear why chosen family can be a strategy as much as a sentiment, how planned joy turns into a season of celebration, and why the most efficient business process might be a deep breath with someone who knows your whole archive. This conversation invites you to rethink monogamy myths, redefine commitment, and design a life where love is abundant, logistics are thoughtful, and kids grow up surrounded by steady hands. If you’ve ever felt seen beyond words—or wanted to—this one’s for you.

If the story resonates, subscribe, share with a friend who’s building their own village, and leave a review to help others find the show.

Music Track: Building Dreams by Aylex Source: https://freetouse.com/music Copyright Free Background Music

Transcript

Rituals, Roles, And Easy Flow

Lyssa 0:15

Episode 124. I'm killing those T's. Twenty. No. I don't know. Thank you. Thank you. I just I feel like four episodes in, I just need the acknowledgement that I'm killing it. We're almost, we're almost there, almost to the end.

Barb 0:33

And then we'll take the next journey. And how do you say the next set of next decade? So I love it. What is in your cup?

Lyssa 0:43

A margaritas. And your shirt. Oh, yes. Says margaritas por favor. Because that's what I need all the time.

Barb 0:53

Cheers. Salute. We did it. Boom. We're back again. I know, right?

Lyssa 1:02

That's so good. That's so good.

Barb 1:04

It always puts mine to shame. I always realized, like, nah, girl, you ain't that good. Like, okay.

Lyssa 1:10

You know what's funny is while I was setting up the podcast today, I kind of had a moment where I was like, I love that she took on being the little bartender. Like, I don't want to do that. Like, I will gladly stay in this room and I will set up our podcast and I will put all the equipment together and I will get the tripod set up with the camera and I will take that on while you go and make margaritas or even just pour margarita from a shaker into a cup. I'm cool if that's all it takes. I still don't want to do it. I'm not here for the tit for tat. I don't care if mine is 12 steps and yours is two. I would rather do these 12 steps than your two steps. And I'm grateful for you. Thank you.

The Gift Of The Unsaid

Barb 1:50

I love that. I received that. Hold on, my heart. So good. And we have naturally flowed into like you don't have to tell me what you don't like. I know you don't like, right? So the things that you extremely don't like, I probably don't like those either. But I'm willing to take this on because you're willing to take this on, right? It's a balance. It's a balance. It's a flow. And we don't have to talk about it. We don't have to say, hey, you know what? I really don't want to set that up, or I really don't want to make the margaritas. Do you think you can do it? It's just it it happens. It just flowed. And this is the system, and it works. Everyone's happy, sorted on the wall with the system. Exactly. And that is the beauty of our relationship. Yeah. I was just gonna say this relationship. No one else on this planet can do that song and dance with me. No. This beautiful, no words need to be exchanged.

Lyssa 2:50

All of the things unsaid. That's exactly what it is. Everything that is left unsaid and still just completely catered to. And I don't have to say anything. It is such a gift. It is a gift that I do not in any way, shape, or form take for granted. Because I I know how lucky I am to have someone that can just read my thoughts and know me better than I know me sometimes. And I just really love you.

Entering A Season Of Celebration

Barb 3:21

I love you a lot. We're celebrating. I think we are in our era of celebration. And we have a really cool Q1 coming up. It starts next week. Yeah. Our anniversary is coming up. Like all the things, all of this curated time that we put the time into. Yeah, we planned for. We now get to live. To live in like real life. And I think we're feeling. I'm excited. I'm giddy. I'm ready. Take me because I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready to be with my best friend. I'm ready to live our best lives. I'm ready to do anything. I don't know what we're gonna do. I'm just I'm ready. I'm SpongeBob. I am ready. Never been more ready. I'm just ready to play with my best friend and do all these cool things.

Lyssa 4:24

I agree. I couldn't agree more. It's just, it's the back-to-back of everything. And like you said, right, we've had it planned, we've we've been talking about it, and now it's it's here. It's time for all of the plans, all of the things that we've been working for to kind finally come to fruition, and we're gonna live through it. And I know it's gonna be the best life ever. I planned it, I planned it that way, so it will be that way, and then we just get to keep doing that forever. Because we've been doing it forever. We 28 years, yeah, period. And it's gonna go on forever. Like to be so grateful for the last 28 years of my life because I've had this partner who sees me through and through, and to know that that's never actually gonna end. So, like, I get to live out the rest of my days with this person that just makes me feel like I'm full of rainbows and sunshine, butterflies and Skittles.

SPEAKER_01 5:35

They're just everywhere, everywhere inside me every time I think about you. Being gay for you is my favorite thing in this world. You're hilarious.

Barb 5:58

We were talking at lunch, it's just so much time. We've had so much time together, right? And then the continuum of the time continuing. When we met, we were nine years old, right? And maybe we tell the story. Go ahead, tell it. Because I love listening. This is like my one of my favorite stories that you tell.

Lyssa 6:24

Our love story is my favorite story ever. Um, and it started with me in the fourth grade. I was starting a new school in the middle of the school year, and I walked into the classroom with my mom, and the teacher walked up to us, um, introduced herself to my mom, introduced herself to me, and then her very next words were, Barbara, can you please come up to the front of the class? And then I saw you get up from your chair and walk over your bouncy curls. And you stood next to me, and she said, Barbara, this is Elisa, and she is new today, and I need you to be her friend. Can you show her around the school? Can you just be her friend? And you said, Yes. And that was it. I meant it. I meant it. I meant it. We have been friends literally ever since, and the best part of the story is really the magic. And the magic comes from the fact that we went to separate schools in sixth grade. So we were together in fourth grade, inseparable. Uh, then we were together for fifth grade, most of fifth grade, then I went into a different class in the same school. In the same school, though, yeah. So like we were still like together. Um, and even then, I I have a a very visceral feeling that I I can tap into anytime I want, and I do often because I love you so much. Um, but it was just this feeling and this absolute knowing that you were forever. I knew that this person was gonna be in my life forever. Uh, and I didn't know how to explain. And I still, even now at 37 years old, I don't know how to explain it, but at nine years old, I definitely didn't know how to explain it. I just knew that there was a feeling that like we were gonna be together forever. Um, so even being, you know, as long as we were in the same school, like I didn't feel that loss. And then we went to separate schools in sixth grade, and there felt a loss, but like at the same time, I don't know. I think I just always still like felt connected to you. Um, so we went to separate schools in sixth grade. We didn't talk. No, I mean this was analog.

Barb 8:35

Yeah, this is not in the digital era. We're not digital yet.

The Valentine’s Day Reunion

Lyssa 8:43

Yeah, but we genuinely lost contact. Um, there was no seeing each other, uh talking to each other, any of those things. And then on February 14th, in seventh grade, another very random visceral feeling that I can still to this day tap into. I think it was third period, fourth period, and I had to go to lunch. And I was like, okay, it's time to go to lunch. We're what, eight months into or not six months into the school year? Like, I know my schedule, right? So I'm like, okay, next class, I gotta go to lunch. This is, you know, an old high school back in the day, once again. So it's a big ass building that has no business being a high school. Um, so I'm going all the way from the third floor, all the way down to the basement. I walk in. As soon as I walk in, immediately I'm like, this is not my lunch. This is the lunch room, but like this is not my lunch room. Like, what's going on? And I look around and I'm like, none of these are my people. Like, these are not who I go. Like, this is not who go to lunch with. Like, I know who I go to lunch with. Instantly, it's a different, completely different atmosphere. I'm lost. And I think about it, I look around, and then boom, it clicks. And I'm like, no, stupid, you're supposed to be in math right now. Like, not lunch. Like you're in the wrong period. And I'm like, what the fuck? Why would I do that? I just remember being so mad at myself as I drudged up six flights of stairs to go from the basement back up to the third floor where I already was and get to the math class. So, hormone, no 12-year-old Elisa, you know, stomping up the stairs, getting in my head, getting so mad at myself for making such a silly mistake. Why would you go downstairs? That doesn't make any sense whatsoever. Okay, whatever. Open the door. As soon as I walk into my math class, I'm like literally four minutes late. The moment I walk into the math class, there's somebody sitting in my seat. What the fuck?

Barb 10:47

So what the fuck for me?

Lyssa 10:48

And then I said that to the teacher. And I said, What the heck, Mr. Lingell? I'm four minutes late for class, and you just give my seat away. And naturally, he's used to 12-year-old hormoner, Lisa, six months into the school year. He just rolls his eyes and says, Okay, Lisa, go sit behind her. Right? There's a seat literally directly behind you. Is it that big of a deal? No, but I'm pissed. It means your seat for six months. I'm like, I've been sitting in that spot for six months. It really was. Back in the class. That's that's where I belong. So I'm just like, I can't believe it. I'm late to class. I for no reason go down to lunch when I'm not supposed to be there. Now I'm late. Now he gives my seat away, and I gotta go sit behind this girl. I'm mad. And I'm walking from the door all the way to my prime spot of the window next in the back corner. And as I walk past you, I instantly knew it was you. Like everything washed back. It just like hit me in my face, and all I could say was your name. And I was just like, Barbara.

SPEAKER_01 12:01

And then you just looked at me like I was crazy.

Barb 12:06

And that was all that was it. That was it. That was the end. We got in trouble because I turned around. Yeah. When I realized, right? And that was it. I couldn't stop talking. Is that that was my first class of the day. So I I didn't come in right when the school started when right on time because it was Valentine's Day. Yeah. And I was pissed. I was pissed myself. How dare you, woman, make me start a new school on Valentine's Day? I'm so hormonal. I'm in seventh grade, right? Like all the things. You know? Like you fucking bitch. Yeah. Who's gonna give me a Valentine's Day? Like, why would you do that to my self-esteem? How dare you! The world is over. Exactly. And so much so that I kind of drew a tantrum in the morning and I didn't make it for like the first couple of classes. I came in and like they were like, okay, it's upstairs, it's here, it's there. And I sat down. I sat down in the perfect spot because it was in the back with the window. And I'm gonna look out the window. You know? And you came in, you did the thing. And I was like, yo, this bitch. I did.

Lyssa 13:23

I definitely threw a fit in front of your face. Like I did not give a fuck. I was like, I cannot believe in front of the whole class, I cannot believe you gave my seat away. You are so disrespectful.

Barb 13:35

Um, and then yeah, I turned around, I realized it was you, and that was it. Yes. And that's a magical story.

Lyssa 13:44

Yeah. Because we haven't been apart a day since. Because I knew at that point. I was never letting her go.

SPEAKER_01 13:52

I'm never letting her go. I lost you once. I'll never lose you again. Never. I will jump.

Destiny, Labels, And Being An Enigma

Barb 13:58

I will jump. None of it was planned. None of it was. I never, right? I didn't wake up that morning doing my hair. I'm pretty sure I re had some red and white regular. Oh, yes, absolutely. I just want to share. I did end up getting a Valentine's flower from someone. I didn't know him, obviously it was my first day, but I felt really good. It's okay. He knew you. He immediately fell in love and was like, that's the girl. That's the one. But it's gizmet and you can't plan that. It's destined. You and I are destined to work in the stars. And they say, I believe it. I believe it because I just believe it. Yeah. And no one else has to believe it. And for the last 28 years, we've been figuring out what that means. Because there's no book that tells us what that means, right? I love you. And people think that we are married to each other. And when we tell them, nope, she's actually just my soulmate, and not just my because that makes it sound small. Yeah. But nope, we don't have sexual relations with that woman, you know, kind of thing. Yeah, just like on the stand, they don't believe. They don't believe another.

SPEAKER_01 15:19

No, you know, no.

Barb 15:24

It's it floors people, which means, you know, we're an enigma. We've always been that way. And we have just started to understand and accept and integrate this relationship where no, I we've been practicing for years to go nonverbal, but like I could go nonverbal. Exactly. I got you and you got me, and that's beautiful. How much energy do I get to conserve because I just know she's got it? Yeah. I don't have to say it. I don't have to sometimes I don't even have to think it. Sometimes you just do it before I think it. I'm like, well, that was fucking cool. And for 28 years we've cultivated that and it's flourishing into the most beautiful thing that I could have ever.

unknown 16:14

Ever.

Barb 16:15

Because I didn't imagine any of it. But now that I have lived it and I can imagine the future.

unknown 16:24

Wow.

Friendship As Foundation For Business

Lyssa 16:25

Yeah. It's definitely going, it's going back to that feeling, that feeling that I had at nine years old that I can still feel today and and know that it was forever. And just feel so affirmed in it. Feel so validated that I wasn't a crazy little girl with a lot of feelings. Like it, it was real, it was it was genuine. Um it was destined, like you said, you know? So no, that's something that um I think we were, like you said, it's been hard. People don't understand it. And now that we have been able to accept it into our own lives, now that we have found ourselves aligned with the right partners that understand us and allow us to love each other the way that we want to, without any shame or guilt or I don't know, jealousy, you know, like none of that is there, and we are all able in that way to kind of flourish. And I think it's it's what makes all of our individual relationships so much better, you know, is is having that. And it's something that I never saw that being almost the foundation for business either. You know, like I didn't think that I was gonna live this life and finally live this truth, and then be able to have that truth actually be put into a business, and then that business becomes successful because uh when the business is successful and I'm the business, that means I'm successful. The way that I live is successful, the way that I think and the and the way that I partner, the way that I'm in harmony with another person is successful. When you break it down into that manner, I don't know. I just it makes me want to live. I feel like that's that creatives just have to live life. That is their art in a way. Um, and that's kind of how I feel like our life is. We've gotten so good at at cultivating it, and now that we know we have the superpower, I feel like I have a whole blank canvas that I'm just gonna paint the rest of our lives with you, and like I can't wait.

A Village Model Of Love

Barb 18:46

It's gonna be so much fun. So I got two tangents. We just love dumped everything, and that's okay because our anniversary is coming up, and that's what we do on anniversary one day. There will be a book of us as children, yes, and it is gonna be our story because I also know that we're not the only ones, yeah, right? We're not the the only unicorns. Yeah, and how amazing would it be for this next set of friends to not feel like what is this? This friendship, that what does this mean? Does this mean that I'm gay? Am I not gay? Well, this and this and all the things. I don't know. I love her, right? All of that confusion that we experienced. We're gonna write a book. Don't ask me when. It is just on the one day list and it will present itself when the time is right. So that was my first tangent. I just want to get that out to the world because I want the world to know that one day there will be a book. There's definitely gonna be. Yes, yes, a children's book that's been on our hearts for a while. And then second tangent. I feel like I'm gonna sit my mark for this one. You are gonna want to. Okay, okay, okay.

Lyssa 20:02

Oh my god, oh my god, okay, okay, I'm right up, I'm ready, I'm ready.

Barb 20:06

We live a plural marriage lifestyle. Hear me up. And now you've heard me. So now it's everyone else. All of my other friends, hear me up. You're so funny. Back in the day, back in the early 2000s, I know some people dabbled in the Sister Wives TLC special, whatever it's called.

Lyssa 20:29

You gotta love yourself some reality television.

Many Buckets, Many Loves

Barb 20:31

I did, obviously. And they had me from the first trailer. I watched that shit incessantly. What made me stop was the fact that I had my own child, right? Up until I was pregnant, I was a dedicated watcher of this show. Had a baby, lost track of time. Yeah. And it has just, you know, whatever. The concept at of which this it started. I I know now is many moons have passed and lots of things have happened, but just stick with me. But the concept of their marriage, of their tree, is that there are different parts, right? There it the branches come differently, and he is lucky. He gets to be at the top of the ranch. But everyone has their own relationship, right? Everyone has their own relationship with each other, with the with Cody, the husband, all the things. And we did that, right? All of their kids, even though they had different moms, they call each other's moms. Like, no, it's wedding time. No, I need all my moms here, all four of y'all. Let's go. Like, all y'all need to be here. Yeah. And weird in concept to the mass media, but not so weird because life is hard. Yeah. And when you have a village, when you You have a crew, maybe more than one wife, maybe a wife and a husband, who knows? Whatever you make it, but it is a solid crew that you can lean on to say, Hey, today I can't. Like I need you to help with this girl because she is shribbing. Yeah. Right. We that's what we've built. Yeah. But we have built a unit that doesn't just run off of a plutonic male-female relationship. There are more branches to this tree. This tree is not a regular tree. And that's okay. Yeah. And we finally, 28 years later, I think we know that that it's okay. Yeah. Because maybe up until I said it two seconds ago, maybe I didn't know it was okay. But it is okay. Absolutely hurt anybody.

Lyssa 22:50

And I'm living my best life. Exactly. I am a firm believer in mind your business. No. And I think that people need to mind their business. Um, and like you said, we're not hurting anyone. And everyone wants to put a label on things, and everyone wants to name it, and everyone wants to understand, but maybe it's like not for you to understand. Maybe it's not the way that you live your life. Maybe you don't need to know. Maybe you should mind your business.

Barb 23:27

You set it all up and then you kilt it at the end. Way to go.

Lyssa 23:33

And because, right, it's not this what you see on TV type relationship. People feel this need to judge it and call it something else and label it, right? So there always is that. Okay, so you guys are together, you're lesbians. No, like that's not what it is. So you have separate partners, yeah. So you guys are like all together. No, that's not what it is.

SPEAKER_01 23:55

Like very weird, you know, like chill, chill, chill.

Lyssa 23:58

It's not that serious. And it's this constant need for people to to the need to understand. And I'm here, I'm an open book. I'll tell you whatever you want you want to know. Because I know that choosing this life, despite what you think and your lack of understanding, is the best way for me to live my life. This is how I become my happiest self. You sound like wife number three on the show.

SPEAKER_01 24:22

I just wanted to go. Keep going. I cannot.

Security, Community, And Kids

Lyssa 24:29

But she says that. So it's like I okay, I'm gonna put my business out there, I guess, like that. Mind your business, and then I'm gonna air my business. But like, I've never truly bought on to the like monogamy of life. I've never bought onto that because I don't think that that's how we should live. I don't think that you can put all of your eggs into one basket. I don't think you can ask one person to be everything that you need for them. I think that is very selfish and unfair for someone to fill all of the buckets that you need in order to feel fulfilled. And you have to understand that there's separation there. And then, you know, then there's like our journey to self-love, right? Understanding that loving yourself is a bucket in and of itself. So it's like, okay, well, if loving myself is a bucket and then loving this person is a bucket, then why can't loving this person also be a bucket and this person also be a bucket? You know, we are we are diamonds, right? We are multi-faceted. You're gonna turn me around and you're gonna see another version of me. So if the person that I'm with on this side doesn't see that version of me, but this person does, like, why can't I love that person too? Like, that just doesn't ever make sense to me. And I think that's the biggest part of it is that you are my soulmate. You fill a bucket and a need inside of me that no one else can fill. But that doesn't mean that I can't love someone else, that I don't have love for someone else. And being able to finally just shed that, let that go, not care what other people are thinking, reminding myself that other people really just need to mind their business, you know, and just allow allows me to live however I want to live. So, like we were doing meditation the other day uh at Slate, and it was funny because I was like in the middle of you and Darnell, and in the in my head, I was just like, Yeah, look at me, like in between in between my bro and my hoe. This is my best life. Like, this is what I want. I want to be surrounded by the people who mean the most to me. And I don't know why the world feels that that only has to be one person, because like it just it just does it. And I'm so lucky and I'm so blessed that I have two people that I love this way, and two people that love me this way, and that's not gonna stop me from living my life because we are building a beautiful life, a beautiful village, a beautiful community. We never have to worry about our kids not having somewhere to go or some, you know, if we have to take one there or do this or that, like we're just always taken care of. That security, that stability. How is any of that bad? It's not, it's just the way that I live my life. And if you don't like it, mind your business.

Devotion, Memory, And Radical Acceptance

Barb 27:16

Okay, wife number three. Get it, girl. I love this for me. All that to say, we're in love, we're in love, and we don't care who knows who. No, we don't, because we are we've been here for 28 years.

Lyssa 27:32

28 years.

Barb 27:35

You have been the longest relationship that I have ever had in my life, that I will ever have in my life, and I think that it's beautiful, it's Chefkiss. It's you have seen all of it, and maybe you missed you know the first nine years, but let me tell you, you didn't miss much. It wasn't that great. That part, that part. Um definitely got better after, you know, you know. But you you've been here and you know me, and there is so much. I don't know what the word is, but it's like a deep sigh. If a deep sigh had a word, yes, knowing that there is someone on this earth that knows the good, the bad, the ugly, the shit that no one else knows. The shit no, we gotta take this one to the grave, pretty little liar style bitch. And you love me, anyways. You can look past all of that history, all of that timeline, all of everything, and see me.

SPEAKER_01 28:45

The most beautiful girl in all the lands.

Barb 28:48

That's what I've always wanted.

SPEAKER_01 28:52

Okay, I can do this forever. So I'm sure, I'm sure, I'm sure everyone's over. Okay, fine, I get it, I get it.

Lyssa 28:59

All right. Well, this is the part where you guys are gonna do all the things. You're gonna like and follow and subscribe. You can follow us on Instagram and YouTube at Marks and Mindset Podcast. And if you're local to the ROC and you want to party with us at Homemade Events ROC. Until next time. Bye. I love you.