Seared & Saccharum w/ Adrean Valerio

A pink-tinged marg, a splash of ginger beer, and a truth bomb: hospitality is the art of making people feel held. We sit down with Adrian of Seared and Sacrum—our go-to catering partner—to unpack how a women-led team builds unforgettable events through craft, care, and clear boundaries. From proper shake technique and why texture matters to edible storytelling that turns grazing tables into tiny worlds, Adrian shows how customization beats cookie-cutter, every time.

Her journey runs from dive bars and distilleries to fine dining and craft cocktails, then into entrepreneurship sparked by a simple question: if mediocre men can launch businesses, why not us? We dive into the math and mindset of growth—hitting a 50-client cap on meal prep, deciding when to hire, and why culture outranks skill when you bring people aboard. Chef’s choice menus become a case study in saying yes wisely: lower costs, better quality, more magic. Not everyone will love it, and that’s the point—alignment over appeasement.

We also get personal. Adrian works with endometriosis and designs her schedule around her cycle, naming what many women feel but rarely say: consistency is not a moral virtue. We talk motherhood, rest, and how permission creates better work. Anthony’s story—three years sober, shifting from “Guinness Tony” to Chef Anthony—highlights quiet leadership and food as a voice. Then we zoom out: the patriarchy’s fingerprints on hospitality, from witches who pioneered brewing and distilling to the power of “gossip” as community care. Aging comes into focus as an asset, not a flaw—moving from producing to mentoring, from proving to guiding.

If you care about events that feel like you, about building a business without burning out, and about partnerships where values show up on the plate, you’ll feel at home here. Tap play, then tell us: what boundary are you claiming this year? If this resonated, subscribe, share with a friend, and leave a review so more people can find the conversation.

Meet Adrean:

Adrean Valerio has worked in the hospitality industry since she was 15 and is the owner of Seared & Saccharum Catering alongside her husband, Anthony. She built her career around the belief that good food and genuine hospitality can bring people together in meaningful ways.

She’s a mom to Leland, with a beloved dog named Walnut rounding out the household. When she’s not planning events, she’s usually reading or falling down the rabbit hole of a new hobby.

Adrean is a staunch feminist and human rights advocate who cares deeply about community, family, and doing what she can to make the world around her a little better.

If your’re anything like us, you’ll want to be friends with Adrean after this episode! You can follow her journey on Instagram: @searedandsaccharum

Website: searedandsaccharum.com

And if you're looking for delicious and healthy meal prep don't forget to our listeners get 50% off meal prep using code Margs50!

Music Track: Building Dreams by Aylex Source: https://freetouse.com/music Copyright Free Background Music

Transcript

Setting The Stage For Women’s Month

Barb 0:15

Episode one hundred and twenty-seven.

Lyssa 0:19

Oh my God, we're so close to the thirties.

Barb 0:23

This episode is a little different. We have an interview to share. Um, and I'm really excited.

Lyssa 0:31

I love this episode like the most. Um, we get to have our amazing catering partner, Adrian, from Searden Sacrum, on, and it was just such a great conversation. I think it was exactly what we needed to. I think it was long overdue. And I also loved the timing of our lives and the fact that this is going to come out in women's month. Happy women's month.

Barb 0:58

Yes. I love it. I love it. I'm excited for everyone to hear because as many of the interviews that we have on, right, we we always focus on entrepreneurs and women and you know, dumb was our like boys allowed, but like women focused. Yeah. Um, but as you said, we it has just been so long. We have been partners for so long. We have had conversations off mic and have known, like, no, we need to put a mic in your hand, girl. You have a lot to say, and the world needs to hear it, and now it is finally time. Um and I know that someone is gonna listen to this and resonate, and someone's gonna be able to be like, okay, I'm not alone. Yeah. And I think that's what I'm most excited for, yeah. Especially in the month of women and celebrating what we can do and what we can accomplish and what we hold space for in partners' lives and business lives and kids' lives and all the lives and our lives. Yeah. And I'm I'm excited. Same.

Lyssa 1:59

All right. Not gonna hold you guys back any longer. Go listen.

Barb 2:05

Um, yeah, so Mike cloche-ish um to the just like not out here. Just like you don't have to eat it or anything, but just like what if I want to eat it? I mean, right? Okay. I love the singers that have like their lip stains because they're like this.

SPEAKER_01 2:18

But I guess that's when it doesn't have the fuzzy thing on it. When I used to sing, yeah, we would get real close. Wait a minute. Okay, we're gonna have to jump straight into this because you used to this is like in high school. Like now I just do karaoke and musicals and chorus, and we would do like some of the competitions, but like I kind of stopped in college and now I just do karaoke because singing's not really a career path for me, but it was a ton of fun, and now it's just like something to feed the soul.

Barb 2:45

So, what I hear is that we're going to karaoke one night. It is a lot of fun. But like, are you okay? So, karaoke for us just means like we're going out, we're having fun. I'm no singer. You don't have to be a singer, you karaoke. Like, like you're like, damn, no one wants to go after you.

SPEAKER_01 3:01

It depends on my mood. Like, I have, I have, I would say, some talent, but I wouldn't say I'm like the most amazing singer in the world. I have a very like above average singing voice. I love above average. And that's my thing is that I am very below average. Because you know what? Like the below average singers are some of my favorite karaoke acts to witness because they bring the energy. They're just up there, no tone, but all energy. And guess what it is?

Lyssa 3:28

I need to just focus on because that's my problem is that I love to go to karaoke. We've gone a couple times, and it is a lot of fun because I like the energy, but I'm never gonna be the one to go up there because everyone who goes to karaoke can freaking sing. No, roar, maybe.

SPEAKER_01 3:42

Yeah, if you don't roar, you got some competition. But like go to the angry go karaoke, and it's like you've got like 65-year-old Tom going up there singing like a 40s ballad, and he's just singing his heart tones. Singing!

Lyssa 3:55

Well, we definitely just jumped right into it. So I feel like maybe we need to circle this back. Uh, that was such a fun intro, though. Um, but yes, as everyone can hear, we have a fun guest on the pod. Um, and we're very excited to have her.

SPEAKER_01 4:08

Would you like to take a moment to introduce yourself? Um, so I'm Adrian. Um I am one of the owners of Searden Sacrum Catering, and we have been working together with Barb and Lisa for maybe a year and a half now, I would say. Yeah, yeah.

Cocktail Craft: Technique And Ginger Beer Magic

Lyssa 4:22

It's been amazing. We've been talking about you for about a year and a half on the pod. Um so I think our listeners are not uh not surprised uh to hear your name whatsoever, but definitely to hear your voice, and we're really excited to have you on. Um, because this is definitely a long overdue conversation. Okay. Um so yeah, let's jump into it. I also love that I believe this is gonna be airing in Women's Month. Um so, you know, just really leaning into that um and into this partnership. I think it's gonna be a lot of fun. And I think we should start with what's in our cup because you are the curator of what's in our cup. You always make our delicious margaritas, and now you made a special one for today.

SPEAKER_01 4:58

Yeah, so I actually have a small confession before I tell you what's in your cup. Um for the last maybe month or so, I haven't been making your margaritas. Confession! So it's actually been Anthony making your margaritas. They're delicious. Well, he's following my spec, but he's like, he's always had this um very secret passion to learn how to bartend. And so I taught him how to make your margs, and so he's actually been the one making your margs for the last month or so.

SPEAKER_02 5:24

Obsessed.

SPEAKER_01 5:25

Obsessed.

Barb 5:26

I have so many questions now.

SPEAKER_01 5:28

I know, right? Um, but before we get into that, okay. So, but I did make your margs today, but they're not, they're not actually really margs, they're just kind of like marg-adjacent cocktails. So um I made a margarita base, but then I added some juice, just some cranberry and pineapple. And then I brought along some of my what I call is my bartender's ketchup. So, like a lot of people, a lot of bartenders have like a uh secret ingredient that I always put in something to just make a cocktail shine. And for me, it's ginger beer. Like I make anything into a mule if I can, because I feel like ginger beer always adds that that like spice and just a slight amount of carbonation to everything that makes it completely better. A lot of bartenders use like St. Germain to just add a little pop, but like I've always been a fan of adding ginger beer. So today I brought ginger beer if you'd like to top your margs with it. And I'm gonna actually teach you how to shake a marg properly so that going forward. She saw the video. Did you see the video? She did see. Going forward, uh, I want to make sure classes that you're doing properly. So yeah, I'm gonna just put my mic down for a second. Okay. I love this.

Lyssa 6:34

Oh my god, I'm so excited.

SPEAKER_01 6:36

So I've never bartended on my knees before, but so um does anyone want to take the other one?

Lyssa 6:42

Uh yeah, I'm gonna give you the mic because you're the bartender. I don't bartend. So okay, okay.

SPEAKER_01 6:47

So I've already filled it up and everything, but we're gonna just take um your non-dominant hand onto the bottom of your shaker tin and then your dominant hand you're gonna put on the top. Because it's frightening. Well, yeah. So even with uh, so these are cobbler shakers, which I kind of despise, but um we use a Boston shaker most of the time. So we're gonna just close that and then we're gonna turn it to the side. And then we're going to just push it away from us. And like go in a little bit of a circle because you want to add texture to your drinks, and that's kind of what sets it apart from like a homemade cocktail versus like a bartender-built cocktail is the texture. So we're just gonna keep doing that hard. You can kind of like get fancy with it if you want. Oh, and then I'm so in love with this. Then you're just gonna take the top off and then pour it over um this inclusion ice that I ordered from Ralph at Cristalino. Okay.

Lyssa 7:40

It's so cute too. It's a little pinky.

SPEAKER_01 7:42

Yeah, that's a little pink drink that I love. And then the pineapple juice gives it a little bit of foam. And then I'm just gonna put a little slash. So I want you to notice that mine's filled up just a little bit more than yours. Yeah. No, it's the way you shook it. It's because I diluted it more than yours because I shook it harder. So that I mean, it's not gonna be bad. Yours is still gonna be good, but that's like what you're kind of going for when you're shaking it is that level of dilution and that texture. Just a little bit of ginger beer on top.

Barb 8:12

Fancy I love that so frigging much. That's fancy. Okay, thanks. Because I know I was doing it wrong. Don't say wrong. Just say your way. Your way. Um, okay.

SPEAKER_02 8:29

So I want to try it. Yeah, I'm like, I have to try this. I have to try this immediately. That's really good. That's delicious. It doesn't taste honestly. I was like, I was nervous when you talked about the ginger beer.

Lyssa 8:42

My dad, um, he loves Moscow mules. Yeah. Um, so I'm no stranger to ginger beer, and I've never really liked it. I'm not a fan of the Moscow mule. Um, but this is really good. And I I can taste the what the ginger beer is doing to the whole drink, and I I don't hate it.

SPEAKER_01 8:58

Because it's just a splash. Like ginger beer is a very potent drink. So when you're a Moscow mule is almost a all ginger mule, a splash of lime and like a little bit of i. When you just put a little splash on top, it adds just enough depth of flavor to a cocktail that it can kind of highlight everything else that's in it.

Lyssa 9:15

And this is truly why we're so grateful for you. You, you are just such a wealth of knowledge. Like, I I've joked before on the pod that I have known from a very young age that I never wanted anything to do with food and bev. Like, even from like the talks of like getting your first job, and everybody used to say, you should be a waitress. You're so pretty, you have a good smile, you'll get lots of tips. And I was like, hell no, that is the last job I will ever take. There was something in me that said, I am not meant for the food and bev industry. And fast forward to, you know, us starting this business and food and catering being so hand in hand with events, like that was something that I don't know. I never envisioned that we were gonna be able to find someone who is as perfect as you and Anthony.

SPEAKER_04 10:05

Like I just was like, wait a minute, wait a second, wait a second.

Lyssa 10:08

No, but you are. You guys are such a wealth of knowledge. You have so many years in the industry, you know it inside and out, and you not only do you, you know, know the things, but like you care. You put your there is a craft, right? You just showed us your craft, the way that you can make a drink. You guys did the same exact things. I just watched you both shake it, and yet the drinks were different.

SPEAKER_02 10:30

It still looks different, you know?

Lyssa 10:31

And that's because you are so talented at what you do. And I love that we get to bring that to our clients, but more than anything, I love that we get to bring that to us so efficiently. The change in our life that that you guys have made, it's is tremendous. And I love that I don't have to know these things, I don't have to shake things, I don't have to do that because I just have the most amazing person in my court doing those things for me and my guests for me. Stop.

Why Hospitality Matters In Events

Barb 10:59

That's part of the honey roast that happens here. We should have warned you of that, I guess. Yeah. Um, but with that, I guess, how long have you been in this industry?

Adrian’s Path: From Law Dreams To Hospitality

SPEAKER_01 11:11

Uh, so my first my first job was at an Arby's when I was 15. I love it. So a long time, 18 years I've been in this food and beverage industry. It's not what I originally dreamed for myself, I've got to be honest with you. Singer. Singer was a good one. Well, no, actually. I never really wanted to be a singer, um, but I I did, I went to school for um, I wanted to be a lawyer, you know. Because I was okay, so when I was growing up, I was told by every adult in my life, oh, you'd make a really great lawyer, which is just like a really interesting way to tell a little girl that she's a bitch. Yeah you know what I mean? Like because it's like the the adults in my life were like, oh, you know, so you're so argumentative and you're so assertive. And so I was like, oh, I must be a lawyer when I'm I'm older. And then I um I went to college, I did philosophy in my undergrad as like a pre-law program, and then I loved all the logic courses. So I was like, you know, I'm on the right track. And then I got pregnant with my son. So I didn't end up going to grad school and I stayed kind of in the industry. And I realized that I really loved the hospitality side of it. I started in dive bars and you know, I worked at the distillery on Mount Hope for four years, and oh, that was a trip. Like I won't go into it, but that was that was an experience. You know, I got my like, I you know, I learned to bartend there. Yeah, yeah. I learned how to handle high volume and I learned how to handle difficult guests, and I learned how to work with difficult coworkers. And um, then I ended up going into fine dining, and I I worked in fine dining for a long time and I realized that what I really enjoyed was this ability to take people out of their everyday lives and just take care of them for an evening. And so I moved into craft cocktails because I I don't think I'm a dumb person, you know, and I I wanted to challenge myself and I found that, you know, just serving tables and and you know, tending bar with highballs was getting a little bit redundant, a little bit boring. So I wanted to like learn how to build an like an amazing cocktail, and I wanted to learn how to like kind of get into the chemistry side of it and create things and make cool ingredients to put in cocktails and and kind of like the quote unquote intellectual side of bartending. And so I got really into that, and then I memorized hundreds and hundreds of cocktails and I made hundreds and hundreds of syrups, and then I kind of got a little bit bored doing that too. And um, so then I was like, I will start my own business, you know, I will take on the challenge of being a business owner, and it took me a while to do it because I was like, oh, you know, I'm just me, like, what am I gonna do? Like, how am I gonna do this? And then there were these, I just kept seeing uh mediocre men open businesses. And I'm not lying to you, like that is what inspired me. I was like, if all of these mediocre men can open businesses, then what is stopping me from doing it? So I literally just like Googled my way into opening a business. I love that. And uh, you know, my husband Anthony is an amazing chef, so it was only natural that we open a catering business.

Lyssa 14:18

So here we are. I love it. Yeah, it is quite the journey. And I I love that you that you were able to question yourself. You're like, wait a second, look at all of these people around me doing something that I want to do. I can do that too.

SPEAKER_01 14:31

Yeah.

Lyssa 14:31

And and yeah, that that's really powerful. That's really cool.

Barb 14:35

I love these moments because we have been partners for a long-ish time now. And I didn't know that, right? I didn't know the origin story, I didn't know the backstory, and it's perfect. Like it actually all makes sense to why you guys are here right now, why you're experiencing this success. And we spoke to someone yesterday, I can't remember who it was. Um, but we said, Yeah, you know, our catering partner. Oh, and who's that? I was like, Oh, Seard and Sack. Oh, I know them, right? Like we're we're starting to turn the corner of people saying, No, oh, actually, I I've heard of them before, I've eaten their food before, and things like that. And I just it makes me so happy. It makes a giddy feeling. And I was like, Yeah, I I know you guys are amazing. I love it, right? I love your story. I love everything that you guys stand for. And now it is trickling, it is getting bigger. And like, how does that feel?

SPEAKER_01 15:33

Um, it's it's kind of surreal to like mention my company and be like, oh, I've actually heard of you guys. Because it's happened a few times. We were at a chili competition the other day, and a lot of people were like, Oh, I've heard of you. Um and so it's it's getting to a point, I think, also where we're growing enough where just the two of us are like feeling like not quite enough. You know what I mean? So it's like this we're in like this bubble that is like about to burst. And so it feels really great, but also a lot of pressure at the same time.

Barb 16:03

Yeah. So where do you think the pressure comes from?

SPEAKER_01 16:07

Um I think the pressure logistically, because I think about everything logistically, comes from me thinking to myself, well, if we get to a certain point in business where we can manage it just the two of us, then we don't really need to bring on staff. It's all about the margins. I'm like, okay, well, as soon as we hit like, like, so I'll use meal prep for an example. So I don't because I don't mind talking a little bit about the numbers. Like, we kind of realize that about 50 meal prep clients is kind of our cap, just the two of us being able to handle it together. Okay. Right. And so we're we're at like between we fluctuate between 45 and 50 now, which is like right at where our cap is. And we're like, the profits are good where they are, but if we hit like 51, now we have to bring in people and we have to start paying people. So we're gonna make less money serving 51 clients than we would serving 49 clients, if that makes sense. So that's where the pressure is coming from, is me not understanding if we're gonna get past that 51 into like another bracket of does that all make sense. Yeah, no, 100%.

Barb 17:07

That's scaling, right? That scalability of things. And this is, I feel because we've have and do still experience that same like, oh, I don't know. Do we bring somebody? Do we not bring somebody? We could do it. We could do it, but like I'm gonna be really tired after, right? All those things. I think every business owner experiences those. Like, well, what am I gonna do? Like, what am I gonna do? And it is very much a precipice. Yeah, right. You are on the cuff of if I jump, I'm gonna need more people because I'm the ship. Yeah, grow, right? Like you have proven time, you guys are a growing business in this community. So that I love that you brought that up and shared that because there it's so relatable. Right. There are so many business owners. Well, what do I want to do? What do I want to do? We actually have had this conversation all week long.

Lyssa 17:56

I was gonna say, literally, yesterday, I said the words, I want to wait as long as possible before we ever have to worry about payroll.

SPEAKER_01 18:04

Like I said, we're having. So like I have an appointment with someone from ADP that I'm like, just to make sure we're compliant. Yeah.

Growth, Margins, And The 50-Client Cap

Lyssa 18:12

I was like, I just I don't want the words payroll in our business for as long as we possibly freaking can. Like, can we just do contractors? Like, can we have contractors for as long as we possibly can? So, but like Barb said, right? Like that, you're on the cusp scaling. That these are these are the good problems to have in a business because these problems mean that you are growing, that you are growing so far outside of yourself that you do have to bring in help and you have to bring in people. And those are those are good problems to have, you know. We that's what I'm told. You know, and even though it's it doesn't feel like that way now. They are. They are like the best problems, you know. I remember when we first started the meal prep, right? And you were telling us, like, we only have 10 people right now, and it's really kind of like costing us because it's not enough and all this stuff. And now look at where you're at. Right. Just six months from that, not even six months, you know, you're like, crap, we're gonna have to jump to 100 now because we need this scalability. Like, that's really freaking awesome. And it's so fun for us because we're on calls. We had a wedding call um the other night, Tuesday night, and we were like, okay, like where are we with like all our other vendors? Like, we know that we have to nail down, you know, catering and a photographer and DJ. And we're going through and they're like, Well, we already know we want Sear and Sacrum. They just said it. Right. It was the first thing we already know we want Sear and Sacrum. There was no question, there was no, we need to try someone else, we need to go here, we need to go there. It was just a done deal. And that is all I want for my business, like, is to know that I am providing exactly what my clients need. And it's like you said, it's that hospitality. So hospitality was actually thrusted upon me as well. Um, when I moved out of Rochester, I had to go find a job down in North Carolina and I was just applying to anything and everything. I didn't think anything of it. And I got a job at Marriott. Um, and that changed my life. Going into the hospitality industry, it was the first time where I was like, oh, I can actually use all these people-pleasing skills that I have inside of me, and I can do good with them, right? Because that is what people come into this industry for. They want to be catered to, they want to feel good, they want someone to take care of them. And we are really good at doing that. And when we went into business, we knew that we had to align with similar businesses, people that were gonna give our clients the white glove luxury service that we are also trying to give. And we're so grateful for you. Like, I just can't say enough. Like, we're just so grateful that we have someone that mirrors that that hospitality, that mirrors that white glove service, that wants to take care of people, not that feels like they have to, not this obligation of this is my job. Like, I genuinely care about your experience, and I want to make sure that I am catering this experience to you. Um, and it's it has taken, I I see it as taking both of our businesses and and scaling, right? Like the rising tide, you know, raises all ships. Like that to me is exactly what's happening to us right now. We latched onto each other about a year and a half ago at the same time where we were both just trying to get our names out there, and now we do walk around and people know who Barlisa is, and people know who Adrian and Anthony are. And I think that's really fucking cool. That's really cool. And I think none of us are mediocre white menace. Yes, yes, yes, and we are becoming synonymous. Like people are also understanding the partnership, you know. Like we have had businesses come to us, you know, looking for for things to happen in slate, and they're like, Oh, and you have a catering partner, right? You can handle my food for me too, right? Like I know that you have someone, and I'm just like, yeah, we got you. You can come into this space and you're gonna be fully taken care of. Um, and I love that. I love that we're building that together.

SPEAKER_01 21:57

Yeah, and I think what I like best about the both of us is that. Um, I think both of our businesses are so customizable. Yes. That it just works together. Yes. Where you know, we have kind of like a I don't know, a guideline menu. Both of us who are like, we can do these things, but what do you want? Yeah, do you know what you want? Can I tell you what you want? Like, do you want me to tell you what you want? Because I can do that too. Or if you know exactly what you want, we can do that. Yeah. So and I think that being able to completely tailor all of our skills to what the guest is looking for really sets us apart from most other event coordinators and caterers. Yeah. Uh in the corporate world, they have this phrase and it's say yes to the guest. Yes. Right. You know, and I always kind of rolled my eyes at it until I really got into the hospitality mindset. And now it's instead of just saying say yes to the guest, I say we find a way to say yes. So it's like we can't honor every request. Yeah. But we're gonna try to find a way to say yes to you because we want your day to be as special as possible. I think you guys embody that as well. Yes. So I think that's why we work so well together. Agreed.

Barb 22:58

It's the core values. What drew us. So you cold called us. I didn't call. It was a cold email. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 23:06

In 2025.

Barb 23:07

At that point, we hadn't gotten many of those. I don't think you were the first, but we hadn't received many cold emails. We were still new tutorships and things like that. And obviously, I read it immediately. I'm the I like to research. Yeah. I also can call it stalking, I guess.

Lyssa 23:25

Research, research.

Barb 23:26

And, you know, we we went into the deep research of the web and looked at the food and looked at everything. And it was so obvious. It's like, no, wait, this is different. This is not like every other catering company that we have ordered from, that we are gonna order from. It was obvious that you were customizable. And at that point, we had already been in business for three and a half-ish years and had learned ourselves that we are a customizable business. We we started right, everyone says, go with your packages and like that's gonna be the easiest. And we found ourselves bored. We found ourselves, no, I can't put people in a box. That's not what I'm here for. I'm here to invoke something different. And you guys did that through food. So when you reached out, it was like, okay, yeah, no, this makes sense. Like this makes complete sense for both of us. And it has. I think shortly after we did our first event, which was that fairy birthday party. And I just will never forget what blown away. Guys blown away. Put on that table was just as good as the table that we had set next to it. And that was the first time that we had experienced that. Yeah. Where the food matched the theme, the party, the scope, everything. Everything was just like, wow.

Customization As A Competitive Edge

Lyssa 24:55

Up till that point, we had always made a point to our clients to say, let us bring in um all the platters for you. Let us like do our best, right, to keep your food table in theme with the rest of your party. But at that point, it had only been platters and servers and, you know, trays and little things that we can just bring in, some color, some type of texture, in order to make the food table match the rest of the event and really build that immersive experience. And your food matched the event. It wasn't just about getting the platters and the cutie little plates to all match, your physical food. The butterflies and caterpillars and little birds. Like, what the fuck? You do that with food. Like Anthony is a talented man. It's just so the little mushrooms with the cheese mushrooms. Just blown away, literally blown away. And like she said, that was the first time that we had, and it was the first time we worked together, right?

Barb 25:51

So like you just like you did it. You hit it out of the way, no, I want to do this again. Yeah, this is it.

Lyssa 25:57

This is the partner, these are the people, this is it. Because when I say that I want my food to match my event, they fucking get it. Yep. Like they understand what I mean. They don't mean that they're gonna give me really pretty food, right? Because you do that as well. You're all your charcuteries, your grazing tables, those things are gorgeous. But when we give you a theme and then you match the theme, now now this grazing table became a little jungle with birds and caterpillars and butterflies and mushrooms. Get out of here. Get out of here. This is just like it it blew me away. And I just think that we have really high standards. Oh, so you know, for me to be blown away, I I'm just I'm always impressed. You guys have never now impressed me. Every step of the way, all the way through our wedding expo, which we can talk about because that was an amazing experience that we are so grateful to you for for bringing that into our lives and that idea into our minds. And even there, just floored. Floored with the whole way that we flowed through that whole event, the way that we took care of people, right? That first entrance, they saw you as soon as they walked in, you gave them that beautiful hospitality, explained a little bit, said, Here's Barbana Lisa, let them talk to you, let them check you in, go taste the food. I'm gonna talk to you and sit down afterwards. Like, I just loved it. From a professional standpoint, from a CEO, you know, business, that is exactly how I want every single one of my clients to be treated. And I know whether you are in front of me or in your own home doing your own thing, that I know you're gonna treat my clients with the absolute best possible service. And like to, I can sleep at night. I can sleep at night, knowing that my clients are being taken care of and I don't have to worry about it. Like those are the those are the things that make you scared of payroll. You know what I mean? Because you're just like, I don't know if I can trust you. I'm paying you, you're on the payroll, but like, can I really trust you to take care of the clients when I'm away? And that is something that you give us that that peace of mind that we do not take for granted at all.

SPEAKER_01 27:58

Ah, well, thank you. Well, you know, and what's I think about what's the the worst feeling when you walk into a restaurant, right? It's like you walk in and you don't know what to do or you don't know where to go and no one greets you. And like, I mean, it's cheesy again, you bring in all these corporate mentalities. Yeah. We like to take these corporate mentalities and kind of make them a little bit more human. So, like you think about like Moe's. You walk in, welcome to Mo's. You know, it's it's kind of canned response. It's like, but you know you're gonna get greeted and you kind of know what to do, and they're you you you wanna make sure that someone is there to kind of walk you through. And I think that you guys do that as well for your guests when you are running an event, you know. You're like, we're gonna let you know exactly where to be, we're gonna let you know exactly where everything is, your guests are gonna feel welcome. There's gonna be no question about how this event's gonna run. So you guys do that, and that's awesome. And I know that when we're working together, that's handled because otherwise I have to step up as a caterer and do that too. Because, like at an event, like I have a lot of event experience too. So I, when I noticed that there is no other person handling that, we catered a birthday party recently in a space. And the birthday girl was running late, right? She had to go change and she wanted to make an entrance. And you know, she was wonderful and she was the sweetest person in the world. It was her 30th birthday party. But while she wasn't there, there was no music playing, right? And the guests were kind of just sitting there, and so I just like put my phone on and like kind of set a mood for a minute until she got there. And I think that those are the kinds of things that like I don't think that other caterers do that, you know? It's not a job. It's not my job, but nothing's not my job when I'm at an event. Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 29:31

Oh my God, Adrian, just what I thought. I couldn't love you more. You go and say shit like that.

Barb 29:37

It's so obvious that we come from hospitality, yeah, retail. You're right. There's it's it's obvious that we have managed people. It's obvious that we have managed a large staff, right? I there's an air that comes with knowing how to manipulate the puzzle piece, right? Where, okay, it's getting a little crazy. Nope, somebody needs to go over there. We needed to fix that. And okay, I'm gonna move over here. Classroom management had its finest.

SPEAKER_02 30:06

Right. Yeah. I mean, you're a teacher, so it's hard to teach that though.

Culture Over Skill: Hiring And Trust

Barb 30:10

You can't teach someone, and I was a teacher for a long time. I I was a teacher for teachers. You can't teach someone how to manage. It's gotta be a spark in you, and then you can foster it, right? You can grow it, you can turn into what we see here, this beautiful, right? We we're such good business owners because at any job we ever had in the past, we gave 110%. I'm here to work. I am here to give the experience. I'm here to do the thing, I'm here to do it well. I want to learn. And when I get bored, give me something else to learn because if not, I'm gonna leave. If they're not mistaking you for the owner, then you're doing it wrong. That part. Another one. That part, that part. And we have that, and that's why this works so well. And it goes back to this whole payroll thing where I don't have to have my own catering company as an events person, right? It it does go hand in hand. Our industries are married, if you will, together, but I don't have to be the one in charge of that because I have a strong partner that has the same values, that has the same mission that I do. And I now can just be like, okay, they got this. If I'm not there, they got this. And if they're not there, I got this. And I think that's what makes it hard for us to payroll people.

SPEAKER_01 31:36

So don't be afraid to bring people on. Here's the thing I've hired people in this industry for a long time. And at first it was really difficult because you when you're first looking at people, you're like, you're just looking at their resume, and like you interview them, you're like, Do you fit the job? But there's really like two things that you want to make sure happens when you bring people on board, right? You're gonna be looking for their skill. Do they have the skills to do this? And do they have the right culture, right? Are they gonna match the culture that you're going for? And for a long time, I was just only hiring people with skill, right? The culture didn't matter to me. And I found that that didn't work, right? Because culture is what happens when you leave the room. Like if you leave the room, if they don't have the culture you're looking for, then they're not gonna be the right person for the job. So if you just find someone with the right culture, you can train that skill. You can teach them how to manage your events. You can. Yeah. But if you only focus on skill and not culture, you can't teach culture. So just if and when you guys do look for somebody, yeah, just find someone that has the right culture and teach them the skills because you are a teacher. You know how to teach people. Like you can do it. Don't be afraid of it. Like, don't be afraid of it because I mean people, I know, right? To be fair, I I have a big group of people, mostly women, who I do reach out to for events who are wonderful. Yeah. They're they're they're event staff, and I did train them at the Daily Refresher already. So I've already got got kind of that, yeah. I've already built that habit, but it's just kind of jumping into the more regular need for staff. So don't be afraid of it because if you are to a point where you need help, just find the right human being with the right culture and train the skill. Like, don't worry so much about the skill.

Lyssa 33:26

Well, I appreciate that because we again, like she said, we've been having this conversation recently, and it's because it is happening. Things are coming up, and you know, we are we are scaling, we are growing, and we are coming to the point where it's like, okay, we might need someone to go pick up that party or put up that party while we're doing this other party and and those types of things. So we're we're getting there. We're like, okay, we're gonna have to like let loose eventually. Um, so I think that's important. These conversations are gonna be important. We're I think we are getting our nervous system prepared. Oh, and that's the for yeah, you know what I mean? For like what's gonna happen when we have to actually do this. I think that's why the conversations are coming to us now, the thoughts are coming to us now, because we need to be ready for it. Because I do see it happening this year. Sooner. Sooner than later. That's so exciting. Yeah. It's fun. It and it just takes us back, right? Like it was 2021. We were just sitting at the kitchen table, like, okay, what are we gonna do with our lives? Are we really gonna do this? Is this gonna happen? Is this gonna be real? And you know, it almost has felt like we've just been playing this whole time. And that was something that I've always said from the beginning. Like, I started a business so I could play with my best friend every single day. Like, that's what I do. Um, and now, I don't know, now it's just real. Like we're we're a real business. And all of those things kind of just like lining up, putting them in place. It, like I said, I I see us and I feel us all on this cusp of of scaling. We are all in this growth period. Um, and I think it's gonna be really beautiful to grow together.

Barb 35:02

Yeah, I think so too. Let's switch a little because obviously, you know, we get to play together all day. That's our favorite. Once three o'clock comes, it's like why do we have to split up? Um, how is it like working with your husband?

Marriage And Management: Working With Your Partner

SPEAKER_01 35:17

You know, it's great. It really is. So Anthony and I work really well together. I'm front of house, he's back a house. It's always been a dream team. We go through our moments, and sometimes it is a little bit difficult to remember that we are at work because we're just vibing and like we're just a husband and wife, and we're, you know, sometimes we bicker and you know, we have to keep that in check, especially if there's event staff around. Cause never in my life do I want to be the bickering married couple who's owning the business. You know, they all they know us, you know. I don't think it makes them uncomfortable. But if we ever brought anyone else on who doesn't know us, yeah, like I just don't want that to be the case. So, you know, it is it's important to kind of draw that professional line sometimes. We, when we're discussing where we want to move the business, sometimes emotions get brought into it because it not only affects our business, but our personal lives and like our balance. And so those conversations I think are a little bit more difficult to have because when I'm having a professional conversation, I have a very different persona than what I'm having in emotional conversation. And so the lines do get blurred a lot for us with those where I do bring a little bit more emotion into it. And I don't think that he's really used to that because he actually met me in a professional capacity. You know, we worked for the same company of restaurants, he worked across the street, and so we would go to management meetings together and he would see kind of my manager persona, which is very different than my wife persona, which I would, you know, not always, but when you need it to be, when you need it to be. Um, so I think, you know, having hit seeing that kind of blurring of professional and emotion has been difficult. And I don't know if it's the right move to separate that or not, or to keep it kind of blurred because it does impact not only our profession, but our personal lives as well. But it's a ton of fun. I love that I get to spend time with him. I'm so proud of him. He's very shy. Like he he's not he's I'm the voice of everything because even though he's the main talent, he's the chef. I can't cook. Like I really can't. I've made him some meals before and he'll be like, mmm. I just am so glad someone's cooking for me. Like I can't cook, I can prep, like I can cut some carrots, you know. But he's the talent, but I have to be the one to speak for him because he doesn't speak for himself all the time. And I I really it's been wonderful seeing him kind of grow into speaking for himself. He ran an event himself last night because I was home, I was home with Leland and he took the lead on the event. And I could tell he was a little bit nervous to like manage the event staff. And he's like, What do I say to them? And I was like, Well, they know what to do, but you know, here's what I would say. And you know, you have to find your own way to kind of lead them and tell them where you need them and kind of get them where they need to be and encourage them. And yeah, you know, I heard that it went really well from everyone who was there. So that's awesome. It's amazing. I really like it. I'm so proud of him. And every time I so every time we do meal prep, right? He like, he goes, looks at it and he goes, I hope it's good. Every week, and then it's always amazing, you know, it's it's so good. So he has like no, he's got major imposter syndrome that I'm I'm trying to kind of knock out of him. Um so yeah, I love it. I love working with him. I love seeing him grow and I love watching his talent kind of touch the lives of everyone who tries his food because everyone who eats is like, oh my God, this is so good. And I'm like, Yeah, I know. I married that. So put a ring on that. Yeah. Just put a ring on it.

Barb 38:56

Yeah. I I love your partnership. Yeah. Uh work and obviously, you know, personally, you you can see the balance. Like it is so obvious the woven lines that are just balancing. You know, he is, he, he looks shy. Yeah. Yeah. Like he looks shy. He looks like he doesn't like to him, you know? It's so, I can see it, right? It was so obvious. And even from the wedding expo that we had a couple of weeks ago, like he, I saw him engage. I saw him talking about all of the food that he made, asking clients questions. And that's something that I've never seen before, right? And I know, right? We have backstory. We always knew that he was shy. But to see, I agree. I see his evolution, I see his growth, I see his want to try. And obviously, he's not here today because I don't know how he would feel about being out of podcast.

SPEAKER_04 39:56

No, he said, No, he would have said, maybe in a few years.

Barb 40:01

One day, right? One day, with all of this little practice that he's getting, he is gonna feel hopefully comfortable to share his side because I'm sure there are other people out there that have this talent, that have this drive, that have this thing that they want to share, but are so scared to share themselves like that. And, you know, he could be a voice for them. Yeah.

Sobriety, Imposter Syndrome, And Leadership

SPEAKER_01 40:28

And I think a lot of artists are like that. You know, I think that most artists that I know are introverted, like reclusive people, and not reclusive in a bad way, just you know, they prefer to be home. They prefer to be kind of just with their small circle of people. And, you know, that's my husband. And, you know, he has, you know, his past, his past has shaped who he is. And, you know, he something I'm very proud of him for is, you know, getting sober in the last three years or so. And I think that has contributed a lot to um his growth. Because when, you know, when he was drinking, and he talks about this a lot, is he was very social. He would get out there, he was at bars, like he was Guinness Tony, he wasn't Chef Anthony. You know, and it was he was a I wouldn't say he was a different person, but he had a different social persona. And when he stopped drinking, I think that's when he really realized that that's something that he really struggles with is getting out there. And I'm so proud of him for being a business owner. And like when I say to him, like, I need you to go speak with these guests because I want you to talk about your food. And I think it's important that they talk to the chef, he's like, Okay, I can do it, you know, and he is like, yeah, he's incredible, you know. I'm so proud of him for so many reasons, and that's just one of them.

Lyssa 41:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:43

So, and I know that there are a lot of people who are going through that struggle as well. I won't speak too much more on it, but I know that this is something that he's very open about and he has shared with many people. So this has shaped kind of his progress as well. Going from Guinness Tony to Chef Anthony is a pretty big deal. Yeah, he's killing Chef Anthony. Yeah, he is.

Lyssa 42:02

So yeah, yeah, we definitely uh definitely love him there for sure. And I it is, it's it's a growth journey. I think, like you were saying, right? He is an artist. Um, and you know, his art is his expression. So he's not going to maybe express it with words. That's that's not where his artistry lies. His artistry lies in the food. Um taste the love. You can taste all of it. Yeah. So I think that's just, you know, that's his expression. And I'm here for it. I'm here to do it. I want I want the love like that. I love it. I love it. Is there anything else that you would like to share with our guests? Oh no, that's such an open-ended question. Which is why we ask it. Like to put you on the spot. And it just kind of makes you think. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:49

I mean, I think something that is not talked about enough in this world is what it's like specifically to be a woman business owner. Um, a woman, a working woman, even. Like we can just boil it down to what it's like to be a woman in a patriarchal working world. So I think that the something that I like to talk about is one of the struggles of being a woman business owner specifically, in is that we show up with different energy depending on where we are in our month, you know, where we are in our cycles. And I I do like to talk about this because I think people have the expectation of working people to be very consistent and very masculine.

Barb 43:36

You have to on all the time.

SPEAKER_01 43:38

And something that I am trying to do as a business owner and a woman is to listen to my body and to kind of schedule my life around where I am in my cycle, specifically. So I have endometriosis, so things for me can be a little bit more difficult. Right now, I happen to be in my luteal phase, which is like the worst, you know? The energy it took for me to just get here today and talk with you. And I love talking with you guys. I'm a certified yapper. I love talking. Like, but genuinely, I was like making these awful faces at Anthony this morning. Like I really was. And so just kind of bringing the realness to that's sometimes how I have to show up and as a uh a guest-facing position too is very difficult. And I the reason I bring it up is because I know that other women feel this way. Absolutely. Like I know that other women feel this way. And I think it's important just to have that conversation. And you guys are women business owners, you guys are moms. Yeah. I assume you have periods. Like I assume you go through it too. So I think just being able to do that as a business owner has been wonderful. Like if I know that it's gonna be a day where I really can't get out of bed because I'm in so much pain, or if I'm emotionally like I can't, like I might be mean, yeah, then I reschedule appointments and I feel okay doing that. And I think just throwing that out there as an option for people, like you can do that.

Barb 44:59

Give yourself permission.

SPEAKER_01 45:00

You can do that. So I don't know. I think that's one of the things that I have both struggled with and felt really, I don't know, happy about being able to do as someone who has taken charge of my own life and my own schedule.

Owning Cycles, Endometriosis, And Boundaries

Lyssa 45:14

I love that. And it kind of ties into something that came up on our um our mastermind call that we have with our business coach. Um, there was someone else who's in the mastermind, and she was struggling because she gave a new client a deadline, and then her nanny got sick, and so she had to stay home with her son, who's like a year, baby. So like still very baby. Um, and you know, she was just like, I don't, I what am I supposed to do? Like I told him I was gonna have it done in a week. And if this didn't happen, I could have had it done. But like now that I'm home and I'm a mom, like I just I can't make this happen. And she was really like beating herself up. And that was something where I took that moment to realize that we pride ourselves on our motherhood. We own our motherhood in our business. You are never going to take that away from me. You are never going to make me feel bad if I tell you that I have to cancel something or reschedule something because my child is going to take precedence. That is never something to feel bad about. And that was something that was really big for us in our business. You know, family is a pillar. One, because that's what you're celebrating, right? You're celebrating your friends and your family and your loved ones, the ones around you, but it's also that experience for us on our side. Family is so important, and we cannot just pretend that they don't exist because we became business owners. That's not how that works. Life is still real, it still happens. Uh, things come up, and we can't let those masculine, those corporate, you know, structures where you just have to be on and you need to be in this space and you need to do this thing and you have this deadline. Life doesn't work on deadlines, honey. I'm gonna tell you when I'm gonna get something done, and it's because I really wanted to have it done on that day. But if it doesn't happen on that day and it happens the next day, no one's gonna die. Nope. The world did not end. It's not gonna end. There will be a there will be a tomorrow, and you will get the thing that you, you know, were seeking from us. But I I love that you said that because it is. It's something that I want to encourage all women, period, but especially women business owners, own your motherhood, own your period, own your body, own all of those things inside your business because that is what makes you who you are, and that is what makes your business what it is. And if people respect you as a person, they will respect your business. And you shouldn't take anything less than that just because there's some man at the top telling you something else. Fuck that guy.

Barb 47:42

And we're in the previous job where he said, and that's where you think you have to, right? It's the idea of permission came up this weekend um in a group that we are in, also. And who knew? Yeah. Who knew you had the like, you know, just give your permission, give yourself permission to do XYZ? Yep. Give yourself permission. We took off two weeks at the end of the year because the kids headed off from school. We had tried many times before to try to work when they're not in school, right? You know, no, you know. What a joke that's absolutely not. Because we learned our lesson and we're like, fuck that. I'm not, I'm not gonna do that. Why? Because it makes me angry, it makes me not good for the kids, right? Because now I'm stressed out with them. Yeah, it makes me not good for my clients. So we took it off. And it was a great two weeks. It was. And about a week ago, I'm forward planning, and I was like, no, I'm gonna take those off again because I already gave myself permission to do it once. Well, why not again? Yeah. Why isn't no? This is gonna be an every year thing at the end of the no, I'm taking two weeks off and I'm not meeting and I'm not talking, and I'm gonna strangle the kid by the end because you know, two full weeks with the kid is crazy. But that's my two weeks. Yeah. And it's okay. I gave myself permission to know that those two weeks are not client-facing or not forward-facing. Yeah. You we have to break that. Yes. We have to break that. Well, someone else is doing this, or someone else said this, or I used to do it like this because that's not where you are now. Yeah. And decisions have to be made based off the life you live now. Right. You just recently, I recent-ishly got this diagnosis and it changed for you. Yeah. It I heard it in the vo your voice and the way that you speak, it it woke something up in you. And now you're giving yourself permission to work with yourself rather than against yourself. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:40

And that's huge. Yeah.

Barb 49:41

It really is.

SPEAKER_01 49:42

Yeah. So I mean, before I got the official diagnosis, I would always be like, why can't I do it today? Two weeks ago, I was doing this no problem. Why am I so angry? Why am I in so much pain? Like, why am I so tired? And that's the big thing. Why am I so tired? Like, I nine hours of sleep. I shouldn't be this tired. And, you know, realizing that about my body allowed me to plan around it and allowed me to understand that if I push through these moments too hard, then I'm gonna crash and burn. And I think even if you don't have endo, you still have a cycle that you go through emotionally, hormonally. A lot of people don't know this, but like when you hit your gluteal phase, your estrogen levels drop lower than a man's. Yeah. Like in those moments, you have less estrogen than a man. And that's a lot to deal with internally. Like your body just like flips a switch and all of a sudden you're a rage monster, you know, and and you're expected to just show up exactly the same. And why would you? Why would anybody show up exactly the same when they have like a a monster bursting out of them? Like for real. Seriously, like I would like to see a man do that. Like they can. So I think just what made me scared to do it initially was like, well, men don't do this, men don't take these moments. They just they trudge through, and like someone's gonna want someone who just trudges through. And then I thought to myself, the kind of clients I want to attract are not gonna be the kind of clients who care about that stuff. And I have never worked with a bad client so far. Like I love that. Literally, I've not worked with a client that I wouldn't work with again. Not once. And I think it's because, you know, it's this idea of manifestation.

Lyssa 51:28

Like you're curating your ideal client, your atmosphere. Yeah. Yeah. Because you're setting your boundaries in your business. Your clients are respecting those boundaries, and therefore you you have good client experiences. That was actually one of the things that we mentioned to her too. We were just like, if you tell this client that you gave them the deadline of one week that you're not gonna be able to do it, you know, in a week because you just had this life circumstance come up and they are mad at you about it, you don't want that account, anyways. Right. You don't want it. So, like, it's just gonna show you alignment. Rejection is alignment. Um, and I think that was huge. And I love it. I love that we had this conversation because I think it's so important for women to hear. And we have to remind ourselves, right, with this permission. Like we started our own businesses for a reason. And it's so that way we can do things the way that we want to do things. So every time that we have those intrusive thoughts and those and that imposter syndrome telling us that we used to do it this way or somebody else is doing it that way, it doesn't matter. I started my business so I can do what I want. And if I want to do it this way, then this is how it gets done. And you know, when you stand strong in those values, the clients that you want to work with absolutely respect those boundaries and they respect the way that you do business. And I think to me, that builds the better relationship because, like you said, you have clients that you would work with again, and I'm sure every single one of those clients will work with you again the next time they have an event that they need catering. That fairy party you mentioned, she's a weekly meal prep client.

Chef’s Choice Model And Saying Yes Wisely

SPEAKER_01 52:58

So I love her. She's great, you know, she's wonderful. And I think that, you know, it a lot of our clients who have done events with us in the past now get meal prep from us every week. And, you know, from a business standpoint, sticking to what you were saying about we do things a specific way for a specific reason. Like we're, I'm glad you said that because we in our meal prep, we do chef's choice, right? So that's just what we do. We do it for a lot of reasons. We do it because it keeps our costs for the client low, keeps our meals high quality. And, you know, it like Anthony sometimes isn't even doing the menu until he's sitting in the kitchen on Sunday with the ingredients he purchased right in front of him. And he makes magic. He makes magic happen. And that's why we do it that way, chef's choice. And we're finding a lot of people are like, we got an inquiry that said, I put in a request for meal prep, but it didn't allow me the option to choose. It couldn't possibly that you just be that you just send whatever you want, right? And like she said it like with this incredulousness in her voice. And I felt bad. And I almost for that moment was like, maybe we should modify our business model because we're getting these inquiries. And I don't know, I don't, I guess I haven't figured out how to handle that yet because we we do it a specific way for a reason and it works really well. Yeah. But how do you, as a business owner, balance these, like, you know, they say the guest is always right or the customer's always right in manners of taste, you know? So it's like if you're trying to find your way to say yes, exactly. So it is hard to hold those boundaries while trying to find a way to say yes.

Barb 54:31

So it's this circle of entrepreneurship, of business ownership, of people pleasing, hospitality, right? All the things that we have been talking about for X amount of minutes. This is this cycle of right, we want to provide the best of the best to our clients. We want to give and do, and we have to juggle ourselves and we have to juggle a real life, and we have to juggle, well, food costs are crazy, lady. Like we have to do what we have to do. And this is real, right? This is it. This is entrepreneurship, this is life. And we have to talk about the hard moments and we have to talk about the things that don't make a lot of sense, and we have to ask the questions like, hey, I what am I gonna do here? Like, I I want to say yes, but logistically that's not where I want to take the business. So, like, give me a different way of thinking about it. Yeah. And these these are the necessary conversations. Women need to come together in community to have these conversations, to be like, yo, sister, you are not alone.

SPEAKER_02 55:37

That kid, that kid's crazy.

Barb 55:39

Yeah, or my husband, man, today, whew, he can go kick rocks.

unknown 55:44

Yeah.

Barb 55:45

Because if not, then we think we're alone. Yeah. We think we're a silo and every other woman has got her shit together. How come I don't have my shit together? No, babe.

SPEAKER_04 55:55

No one got their shit together.

SPEAKER_01 55:57

We're all in our Ludeo phase, baby. Have you ever heard um their the power of gossip? Like, have you heard about this? Okay. So people demonize gossip, right?

Lyssa 56:10

Oh, maybe is this like the witch, like this this is how it began or something like that. Kind of so, okay.

SPEAKER_01 56:16

So yeah, of course. Everything witches comes back to women just being women. It's like, oh, I just don't like how that woman's acting. She must be a witch. Your witch, your witch, exactly. Exactly.

Lyssa 56:26

Well, I'm also like reading uh The First Witch in uh in Boston, which is the book that Bob just read. Um, so it it's just like on that. Like people do that. It literally is. Like it's just this woman who's an herbalist and she knows how to use the herbs to cure, you know what I mean, all these things that are happening back in the day. And now people are calling her a witch because they can't understand it.

SPEAKER_01 56:46

So, okay, well, I'm gonna segue and I'm gonna come back to the cost the power of gossip because that just reminded me. Um in my industry, in the beverage industry, um, there's uh a powerful story of witches in the beverage industry. So um, did you know that the the inventors of alcohol were originally not men, it was women? So did not know that. So back in the day, like the very first like still is uh was it's called an alambic still. I'm not gonna go too into like the details, but like it was invented by a woman named Maria Hebria. Like she created the very first still to process high-proof alcohol into drinkable spirits. And then from that point on, blah, blah, blah, lots of history, lots of history. Women were in the alcohol industry. They were making the beer, they were making the spirits, women and monks. Yeah. And so witches, this comes into play because they the they saw a profit in the alcohol industry. And then men during the industrial revolution were like, I see money, I see money. They took it over. And then they said any woman who was distilling and brewing were witches. And so that's why you see like certain symbology. Of course, this is just one theory of many. Yes. But yes, I believe. The witch's broom is like a like a tavern broom. Yeah. The black cat, black cats were coming in taverns to keep away the mice. So, like, all this imagery you see associated with witches was because men decided they wanted to make all the money from the backs of women.

Lyssa 58:17

Yeah.

Gossip, Witches, And Patriarchy In Hospitality

SPEAKER_01 58:17

And they took over the industry. And so now you think of men when you think of breweries and like distilleries, you're like, yeah, that's men making all that stuff, but it was originally not. They just kind of took it from women. So, anyway, witches, yes, we get called witches for doing anything amazing because they just kind of want to take it from us. But the power of gossip, um, what I was trying to say was I think it's important to um get together and talk because women used to do that as kind of a way to protect themselves and kind of feel out situations. And so what we consider gossip was really just like, oh, did you hear what he did to her? Right. Like they would just kind of get together and have these moments of discussing what's going on in a quote unquote gossipy fashion to protect themselves. And then men started demonizing gossip as just like, oh, they're just gossipy catty women. And so then we stopped wanting to do it because yeah. So it all just kind of comes back to the patriarchy, right? So angry, right? It really does. Like, I everything, every single problem I think we have in our society stems from the way that we're structured as a patriarchy. And these moments just I think it's important to talk about them and say we should be gossiping with each other. Yeah, we should be getting together and saying, Oh my God, like I'm having a rough period because of XYZ. Um, oh my God, did you hear about what he did? Yeah. Because that's how we protect ourselves and that's how we, you know, stay as a community of women.

Lyssa 59:49

And I think this is like a fun little segue into like what we were kind of talking about the other day, too, is I can see how, right, when we get together, again, just because of the society, the way that things have been fed to us, the way that we've been programmed, is that now when we kind of get in these circles, we're immediately like, cult? Yes, we just had this conversation the other day. Like we're like, I don't know, this seems a little culty. And I think what it is is the way that we've been programmed. I think that community has been programmed in our head to be culty because who gets whose community gets national worldly news cults? Right. Like the ones that are the communities that are not really doing great things, you know, those are the ones that get the mass media, and those are the ones that get shown to us. And so we associate community with cults. But I think when you're in those moments, right, when we're in these small groups of women, it can feel culty, but I think we have to remember that that's just our modern brain, you know, that was fed and programmed that that this is actually not culty at all. This is genuinely community. This is genuinely the power of gossip. It is the power that we are using to wield and feel whole and feel seen and feel supported. Because when a woman is seen and supported, I genuinely believe she has the power to do anything in this world. And that is why they separate us. That is why they want us to feel like it's a cult, because we do have the power and the energy to hype all of ourselves as we do and do anything about that we want. And you know, when we get together, we can feel that. And I think, yes, you know, especially reading this first Witch and Boston book. Like, I can't wait to read that. How these men get scared of that. That that can be scary um to have all of these women just be like, yeah, no, you are unnecessary, and just like move on and do all the things. And so, yeah, I'm with you. I'm here. Womanhood all the way, all day. Um, but it is, it's it's one of those things where, again, the way that we are programmed, we are meant to feel a lot of shame around our bodies and and all of the things that really to me is the essence of a woman. Um, and now that I've been able to shed that, right? We have our own business where we get to make our own rules and we get to do the things that we want to do. We get to work on our phases, you know, and take care of our families and still succeed, right? Like I have a great family, I have great kids, I have a great inner circle, and I'm still a successful business. I can have it all. You're trying to tell me that I can't, you know. You want me to believe that I can't because you're trying to keep me small, you're trying to keep me down, but I'm doing it. I'm literally living proof of it. Um, and I actually funny, I saw this reel the other day that it was like a uh a wife was, you know, she was just like random. She was like, if I had a wife, I would be able to be anything. I'd be anything that I am in the world. If I had a wife, if I had someone to take care of me, to take care of my house. Imagine coming home and the laundry's just done, folded, put away all the time and like how much time you could have. Like, if we just all had wives, how about you just hire a maid? You know, like we can just all be each other's wives. And I feel like we could really like do something in this world. I believe it.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:19

Yeah, absolutely. Like a lot of times you look at a successful man, and behind that successful man is a woman doing all the invisible labor.

Barb 1:03:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:29

And I think it's time that we are out in the front doing all of the actual, yeah, like meaningful work in this world. And maybe men can do the invisible labor for a little while. Just for a little while.

Lyssa 1:03:41

And I wanna shout out because the men in our lives do. And I think that is what is so important, right? We we rant, and I know that there's a lot of people who listen to our pod and they're like, oh, it's always fucked patriarchy.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:52

And it is, but we all have really wonderful men. But like we manifested that we did that.

Aging, Wisdom, And Redefining Value

Lyssa 1:03:57

I worked for that. I worked really hard to have the man that I have in my life that does do the invisible labor and that we can switch these roles, and it's not just the husband and it's not just the wife roles, like we can go back and forth and we understand that there is no gender in our partnership, you know, in this relationship. Um, and that's powerful. So I just want to, I just want after we just had this whole hour saying, fuck those guys. I just want to make sure that everybody knows our guys are amazing.

unknown 1:04:24

Yes.

Barb 1:04:25

Intentionally, because we we couldn't be the successful business owners and moms that we are without them. Yeah. So, you know, pick a good one. Yeah, pick a good one because they're out there. You just gotta look for that.

Lyssa 1:04:38

Yeah, definitely. You just it's it's your values, right? Again, it's that same thing of like attracting our ideal clients. As long as we stay true to ourselves, we stray, we stay authentic and we know what our values are. We don't allow any man to come into our lives that does not accept and you know those values, then you know, we're Gucci, babe.

Barb 1:04:58

Yeah. I also love the span of timeline, right? You mentioned when you were young, being very assertive and just like knowing and speaking and using your voice. Yeah. And that was from a very young age frowned upon. No, she must be. Oh, you're you must be you like to argue, you like to be mad. You like I heard that a lot my whole life and all the way up until now, where no, I'm not a bitch anymore. I've shed that. I used to think that, right? I used to carry that. Like, wow, I must be a raging fucking bitch all the time. That's what everybody says. Yeah, and I I've shed that. So, like, look at that that that timeline of four, three, four, right? Because I'm sure you were assertive from the very beginning. And that's not a bad trait. No, it's not a bad thing. It has actually helped you get to this moment in time. So it's beautiful, and you have To love her for being a three-year-old saying, No, yeah, no, I don't want to do that. No, I don't want to put those pants on. No, I don't want to put those shoes. No. Yeah. Because it's all worth it. It was all worth it because you are you now. We love you. Anthony loves you. You have a little boy that is obsessed.

Lyssa 1:06:16

Oh my god with you. He's adorable.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:19

So, like, go. Fuck that. What you missed in the interim was a phase of pick me, Adrian. Oh, that sucked. That was the worst version of me.

Barb 1:06:29

Listen, we all went through some kind of subject.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:32

We all got him. We all got him. I think they like the dark ages. Well, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:36

So like when you hear that all the time, like, oh, you know, you're assertive, you're you're argumentative, you're this, you you, you never know when to shut up was the thing that I heard most from like my mom. Like, and so you know, you become this like perverted version of yourself hearing that after a while. It's like, oh, I'm not like other girls. Don't worry. Like, I know what to do. Like, I'm I'm one of the guys. Like, I definitely went through that phase. Oh, I hate that version of myself. I love that version of myself because you know, she didn't know any better. You didn't have appreciation. But I I, you know and empathy for her. I have some empathy for her. Yeah. I it's cringy to think about, like thinking those things and saying those things. But I I think what got me out of it was surrounding myself with strong women again. Because I went through a period of time where I was not surrounded by any women. It was just kind of isolation and boys. Yep, yeah. I say boys very specifically now and then exactly. And uh so then when I started working at actually it was tap and mallet. Tap and mallet was where I was working, and everyone around me was a feminist. Everyone around me was like just kind. And you know, it was in the South Wedge, which is where I live, and it's that mentality. I was like, oh, I can't be like this too.

Barb 1:07:55

Be like this too. I don't have to be like this like I've always been. I can change exactly.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:00

And so like there's a lot of phases we go through as women based on the pressures of society and the pressures of men, the pressures to be something that you are not. Yeah. And I think if anyone under the age of 30 listens to your podcast, I hope they they know that once you hit your 30s, that's the best.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:18

It is the best. It is, it really is true.

Barb 1:08:21

So something happens at 30. Your brain, so your brain, fun facts, um, doesn't fully develop until you're 25, 26, if you're a late bloomer, sometimes later if you need it. Take a few extra years. But the the idea of, you know, your brain's not done yet. You you can't possibly have gone through all of the things that you need to go through and learn. Yeah. So that when you hit your 30s and all of that knowledge suddenly starts to integrate and you start to reflect and you're starting to, oh, okay. Wow, that barb, that barb for those couple years. Interesting, right? And then you can start making the change. You can start making the shifts, you can start finding the community, the women that will help hold you while you go through this shedding period and becoming period. And, you know, so for all of our homies out there, 30s, yeah, that's where it's at.

unknown 1:09:21

It's so exciting.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:22

Don't be afraid.

Lyssa 1:09:24

Not at all. And I, and it's funny too, right? As we find ourselves closer to 40, um knocking on the door. We are knocking on 40's door. Um, it's that that wisdom, right? Like you said, our 30s were shedding. That's what we've been doing this whole time. I can, I can feel it, I know it. And it makes me so excited to like walk into my 40s as like the most truest authentic version of myself. Like I just know that I'm gonna own every part of who I am into my 40s, and that's not something that I could say I did walking into my 30s in any way. I said I was 29 up until last year. Like, you know, so like it was definitely something that I didn't. And now that I am I'm growing these next couple of years, I'm really excited to like continue to do that and like step into my 40s as just like exactly who I want to be.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:20

Entering your crone era.

Barb 1:10:22

Oh, I'm gonna learn all about pride with pride because again, society, the patriarch, the man demonizes getting old. Yeah. How, how, it literally happens to everything. Like, I don't understand. There's nothing that I can do about it. There's nothing that you can do about it. Yeah, it is life, it is the course that we go through. So, like, how dare you make me feel less than because of the number is greater than? Yeah. I have so much wisdom, I have so much knowledge, I have so much experience that I could pass on. And that doesn't make me less than. No. I'm a little older, sure. I'm like maybe a little couple wrinkles, but like I am still, I still have value. Yeah. I'm still valuable.

Lyssa 1:11:06

Yeah, I was just gonna say more value, I feel like, because you are this wealth of knowledge, and I think the world, right, that we are are currently in, getting older is such a gift. Like it is such a gift to be able to age and to continue your life. And when you have this perception that you need to stay young and you need to stay looking a certain way, and that youth is the only good part, you know, of your life. Like, you are missing out on the entire gift that aging gives you, the entire gift of being an adult, of being like authentic to who you are, to being able to do whatever it is that you want, think whatever you want, look however you want. That is a gift, that is a privilege that is not bestowed upon everyone. And you know, I just think that you you take that for granted when you when you wish for youth in a way.

Where To Find Seared And Sacrum + CTA

SPEAKER_01 1:12:02

And I if you really think about it, men love to be like, well, biologically, blah blah blah, you know, right? So they say you're past your prime or whatever. But if you think about it logistically and biologically, women go through menopause, right? But then we don't die. Right? We don't die. So what what does that say as a society and as a culture, right? That says that after women are no longer fertile, we have something else to offer. We're still here for a reason post-menopause. We're here to offer wisdom. We're here to be the crones, we're here to be the ones to pass on our knowledge and guide the younger generation and be a matriarch. That's why we're still here past our quote unquote fertile prime ages. Yeah. Like that doesn't make us no longer valuable to society just because we're no longer able to create life with our bodies. Now we're able to guide life. Like it's beautiful. And any other species that that stay alive past their fertile years. That's true. Like clearly it's for a reason. It's because of that value that women bring post-menopause. I love that.

Barb 1:13:12

I didn't never made that connection. So thank you. Yeah, I appreciate that.

Lyssa 1:13:16

Well, this actually feels like a good place to love and leave our friends. So before we do that, would you like to just tell people where they can find you?

SPEAKER_01 1:13:24

Sure. Um, so we have a website. It's searedandsacrum.com, seared like a steak, sacrum like a sugar cane plant, uh, not sacrum like a butt bone. So seared and sacrum.com. We also have an Instagram at seared and sacrum. We post uh when I have the energy to post. I mean, don't we all? Uh and my cell phone number is what's listed on the website. You can text me or you can call me or you can email me if you have any event needs.

Barb 1:13:54

Yeah, or if meal prep needs, yeah. Because you know, we need a 51 or 52 or 53.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:01

By like 50. So if you and 50 of your other friends, yes, yes, yes, meal prep. Let us know all at once. That'd be appreciated.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:08

Yeah, and if you, you know, you tell them you put in the inquiry form that you heard about us from this podcast, let me know. You get a little discount. I guess we can mean that in our show notes so that everybody has that access.

Lyssa 1:14:21

Yeah, we love that. All right. Well, this is the part where you guys are gonna do all the things. You're gonna like and follow and subscribe. You can find us on Instagram and YouTube at Marks and Mindset Podcast. And if you're local to the ROC and you want to party with us at Homemade Events ROC. Until next time. Bye. So, how was it?