HEY! AND WELCOME BACK TO WITHOUT A DOUBT, the podcast . A place where we celebrate living life authentically and organically as ourselves. We are the ones breaking cycles, making waves, and being the truest versions of ourselves.
Im ya girl Mad, your host, im a freelance entrepreneur, a cycle breaker and a human being that has never exactly done what was expected of me. Im here to remind you that its okay to do life different . That you don’t have to be what is expected of you.. and that your happiness matters.
For a few years I had something I did called Coffee Wednesdays. It was a group of women I knew who got together and would invite other people to come and mingle and chat, business, life, womanhood. At first this was something I enjoyed doing, until the numbers dwindled, I became the sole person confirming plans to actually meet up, and sometimes would be alone at coffee Wednesdays. I always had this in my weekly plans until I started noticing this wasn’t as important to the other women as it was to me, noticing no-one reaching out to commit to the weekly coffee date. I eventually let coffee Wednesdays die out and fade into the abyss, because I valued my time and had self respect. I know that nothing is forever, another podcast episode coming soon, but I had to let this little morning mingle go, because I valued my time and self more than sitting around waiting for maybe someone to come to coffee. When I realized I was the only one asking my group if we were making plans I realized that I couldn’t be the only one holding this group together. I could feel my self esteem taking a hit when I was bailed on last minute. This took a hit into my self respect on my time and what I want to put out. Knowing what I was offering these mornings that wasn’t being received the way I wanted or expected, started slashing some notches into how I view myself in the regards to self respect. how many times do we let people cancel on us before its the last time? Or how many times do we ask for help, and see its not happening, before we find it else where?
Self respect is pride and confidence in oneself; a feeling that one is behaving with honor and dignity. Self-respect is loving yourself and treating yourself with care. It's the result of staying true to your values and not being willing to compromise. The more you engage in behaviors consistent with your beliefs and values, the more you'll feel fulfilled and confident.
“I respect myself too much to do _____.”
“I have enough self respect to know I didn’t deserve that ..”
This was me with coffee Wednesdays.. I knew I had enough self respect that I could use my time and energy better than waiting around for someone to come to coffee.
I also have done a few temp jobs.. one was working for the Miami dolphins at the stadium In the retail store. If you’ve ever done temp work, you may know how a lot of places/managers can treat the staff who is only hired for the day.. basically less than, in case you didnt know. Well this specific day I went into to work this retail store, as soon as I get there I find the manager MRS. WANDA and let her know who I am and that im there to help/ work from so and so agency. She was rude, brushed me off, dismissive and told me to “go stand over “there” until she was ready for me.” I went to the bathroom, and decided I had too much self respect and was going to just dip out of the Job. I didn’t tho, I was working with Kendra as well and she was like.. we are already here so lets just work… She reminded me we have too much self respect to quit and wanted to show her how boss ass we actually were. Sure enough, shift ends, next game rolls around and we get an email requesting us to work the retail store. Do YOU THINK I WENT BACK TO WORK FOR MRS. WANDA ? HEELLLLLLL NO. I was laughing that she wanted us back, because I know im a boss ass bitch who can pretty much do anything you teach me. but we declined due to mrs. Wanda. Her mistreatment and lack of respect was a huge turnoff. Any managers who treat you like a fucking peasant need to go back to class for management. A little respect to others goes a long way and it goes a hell of a lot further to someone who has self respect for themselves.
Self respect and self esteem are different, one you know what you will or won’t tolerate, and one is what you think about yourself. Self respect is the positive sense of one self, where self esteem is more about feelings toward oneself based off others input and critiqued. self esteem fluxates more where self respect is a place you hold yourself to.
Here are some examples of actions that might build someone's self-respect:
- Earning our success honestly, without harming others or acting against our own values. Feeling goood in making money on your terms your way. Doing things that help others helps you build self respect. Its gives you the confidence to make money moves and purposeful life decisions.
- Calming ourselves and speaking to someone with care, even when we're angry. Hi, ITS ME.. working on this. I get a tad nasty, especially when I “expect” more from others. Yes I know expectations are mehhhhh, but Im human. I have faults and I feel awful when I speak down to someone. I have done this, including to my own partner. IM working on this, but I will tell you first hand this does not help your self respect from putting others down. Learning to speak to others on an equal understanding level is truly a quintesential part of having the upmost respect for yourself. In those moments when we haven't made the good choice and we aren't proud of ourselves, self-respect drives us to choose differently. We can take new actions that create new outcomes that set us on a path to recovering a positive sense of who we are. This is how we recover from the sad, disappointed, and embarrassing moments of our lives. Going through this process is important for our mental well-being because it gives us a way to rebuild a positive sense of our self and helps us move through unpleasant emotions.Persevering to achieve a challenging goal, even when we want to quit.. reaching goals will give you more self respect, while also teaching you the necessary lessons along the journey.
Self respect to walk away from things that no longer serve you. This is a highly searched topic. Maybe your thinking partner, job, career, situation. Knowing its time to move on when you’ve outgrown is maddddd self respect. This is a hard decison. This isn’t you not caring. Im sure it wasn’t an irrational thought to walk away. But what serves you? What fulfills you? When is enough, enough?
I know I have a handful of things ive had to walk away from because I know my self worth. Self worth also runs into self respect. Knowing the ins and outs of YOU is crucial. Respecting yourself enough to walk away from things that no longer serve you is important for your well-being and growth. It can be challenging, but it can lead to a more fulfilling and authentic life. Walking away can also signify that you deserve respect and that you are willing to set boundaries. Knowing that walking away isn’t failure. Or that learning that you can quit, leave, or end something that isn’t propelling you into a better life is the truest version of self love and learning what is really self respect. This may be the hardest part in self respect, is knowing it no longer serving you and allowing the end to near. Ending these toxic cycles is how you harness the truest magic in leaning into self respect.
Lack of self respect: “Typically, a person with low self-esteem: Is extremely critical of themselves. Downplays or ignores their positive qualities. Judges themselves to be inferior to their peers. Uses negative words to describe themselves such as stupid, fat, ugly or unlovable.” Alot of times this runs parallel with insecurities. Having confidence is the secret sauce to self respect. Being insecure usually allows you to also beat yourself down which will never give you the necessary tools to rise to the occasion when you need to.
Here are a few ways to Finding some self respect:
- Get to know yourself. For example, what makes you happy and what you value in life. BE REAL with yourself, knowing when you need to take accountability and responsibility. Owning up to who you are. When we take personal responsibility for our actions, we give ourselves the chance to create more outcomes that we can be proud ofTry to challenge unkind thoughts about yourself. ...
- Practise saying no. …this is you knowing your boundaries. You have to be able to stand your ground. you still be a good person and say no. Be like a palm tree, stand your ground but be a little bendy if needed.
- Try to avoid comparing yourself to others. ... comparison is the thief of joy. True story. No-one is living your story. Its yours. Your trials and tribulations are what give you the power to find your self respect. The things you have done and allowed, or what you have or haven’t given space to are what we need in order to know what we value in each of our own ideas of self respect.
- Do something nice for yourself… filling your own cup. I say this often. Fill your cup so you can pour into others. Know what fills your cup. And keep doing it. When we stop finding the fulfilled life, we start to lose self respect. Knowing we arent living up to what we are capable of.
Real, lasting pride and happiness come from knowing you have acted inline with your values, treating yourself and others with care and dignity. And by the way, if you aren’t finding the evidence you want when you reflect on your own actions, The power to be who you want to be is in your control.
We are all human. We all have flaws, errors, moments of weakness. We also all have the ability to rise from the darkest moments, tap into the unexpected parts of who we are, and most importantly evolve ourselves into who we really aspire be. Self respect is the key element in being able to crack the code for success. Knowing our value and self worth contribute to how we put out into the world.
If you go this far into the episode I hope you’ve given me a rating on whatever you stream. I hope you look forward to these. And I hope you know that you are without a doubt a badass. Dont you forget it, and if you do, ill remind you again next week.
Thanks for being here! Xoxo mad!
*https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-improve-self-respect#:~:text=Self%2Drespect%20is%20loving%20yourself,ll%20feel%20fulfilled%20and%20confident.
*https://rootedindecency.com/blog/values/what-is-self-respect.html#:~:text=Here%20are%20some%20examples%20of,even%20when%20we're%20angry.
https://rootedindecency.com/blog/values/what-is-self-respect.html#:~:text=Here%20are%20some%20examples%20of,even%20when%20we're%20angry