Mastering the Art of Saying No: Strategies for Personal and Professional Boundaries

Ever felt drained from constantly saying yes? Learn how mastering the art of saying no can transform your personal and professional life. Inspired by Dr. John Deloney's wisdom shared on Dave Ramsey's site, this episode of Light Up Your Business promises practical strategies to help you preserve energy, reduce burnout, and make decisions that align with your core values. We'll share personal stories about dealing with persistent salespeople, family obligations, and managing employee requests, and why setting boundaries is crucial in these scenarios.

Honesty is the best policy, especially when it comes to commitments. From showing up for a friend at the gym to juggling professional duties, we discuss why an honest no is more valuable than a dishonest yes. Hear about the emotional toll of constantly obliging others and how it can lead to exhaustion and resentment. We’ll offer tips to overcome the discomfort of saying no, manage catastrophic thinking, and maintain integrity in your relationships.

Navigating the delicate balance between saying yes to opportunities and setting boundaries is vital for long-term success. We'll explore how aligning your actions with your values ensures a stress-free and fulfilling life. Through engaging anecdotes and actionable advice, we highlight the importance of consistency, whether it’s refusing substances or handling business relationships. Join us as we wrap up with a call to action, encouraging you to share your experiences and reminding you of the importance of love and faithfulness in achieving both personal and professional success. Tune in and unlock the power of saying no for a more organized and rewarding life.

Say goodbye to overwhelm and self-doubt, and hello to confidence and success. Join the Faith Filled Coaching family today and step into the abundant future you've always envisioned.
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Chapters

• 0:01 The Power of Saying No
• 6:23 Navigating Boundaries and Honesty
• 13:07 Saying Yes vs. Setting Boundaries
• 21:51 Setting Boundaries
• 30:00 Sharing No Experience for Success

Transcript

Tammy: 0:01

Welcome to the Light Up your Business podcast, the show where we dive deep into the world of small businesses. I'm your host, ammy Hershberger, and each episode will bring you inspiring stories, expert insights and practical tips to help your small business thrive. Whether you're an entrepreneur just starting out or a seasoned business owner, this podcast is your go-to source for success in the small business world. Let's get started to source for success in the small business world. Let's get started. Hello everyone, I want to welcome you back to another episode of Light Up your Business podcast. I hope you're all doing well on this beautiful day. I am actually wanting to talk to you today about saying no, not, no, I'm not listening to the podcast, not no, I don't want to ruin my business. I'm talking about saying no to things that you need to say no to. So what kicked us off was I was on Dave Ramsey's site, which you know I'm a fan of Dave Ramsey. I'm a huge fan of Dr John Deloney and I was reading some blogs and some posts that he put out, and he has an article that I recommend you read. It says how to say no six tips. Um, he posted it December 28th of 2023. So if you go to his uh, dave Ramsey site. You can find it and read it for yourself. But so I'm going to play off of his episode or his article a little bit and then we'll kind of discuss what I have for you.

Tammy: 1:14

Um, he literally says at the very beginning that he struggles to say no. He says I say yes to way too much. I like to help people and get involved and sometimes I irrationally believe that everything will collapse without my involvement. He says I say yes when I should say no because I want to be the hero and he wants to save the day. But he said he's not the hero of every story. It's not his job to take care of everyone and everything all the time. It's not his job to be a people pleaser and he buries himself trying to make everyone else happy, and it's not his job either. So does that sound like you? Do you relate with John Deloney? I think I do.

Tammy: 1:54

I think, as a leader and a business owner, you must get comfortable with saying no. It's not as a leader, it's our job description to turn people down. So it's important to develop a healthy mindset around saying no and to understand that it really all comes down to making a sound business decision. In the end, business is business. There's always a way to say no firmly, yet kindly. So I think about this.

Tammy: 2:21

Every time I say no, I think, okay, I've literally had salesmen in my office that I just want to get out. Um, I've had to tell them no. I've had people literally get grumpy with me when I tell them no. Um, I've had a salesman for a magazine here in town. He literally was a grown man, larger grown man, and he was in my face screaming at me because I told him my husband would never go for his magazine. And I wasn't trying to be rude, I had told him no a bunch of times. He wasn't listening to me and I told him that you know, for us that's just not the demographic we're shooting for, and he was pissed. I mean, he was in my face screaming. I literally had to get someone to get him out of my office. It was crazy. So if you're a salesman, that is not the way to approach a sales call. Let me.

Tammy: 3:01

I've also had moments where I've had to say no to family members. I've had to say no to borrowing money. I've had to say no to time off, and that is hard. I don't do that very often, but once in a while if everybody's asking at the same time I can't have everyone gone. You know it always makes me feel kind of bad.

Tammy: 3:17

I do struggle with saying no myself. I'm a people person. I want to help everybody. I guess that sometimes I'm a people pleaser. I sometimes say yes to things I shouldn't, and then I stay too long and then I eventually have enough. And anyone who knows me knows that I've been in some situations that I should have got out of sooner. But I, you know, I try to be loyal, I try to be a good person and I talk myself into staying and then eventually I have enough. And it's like a parent you know your kids are doing stuff they're not supposed to and you tell them stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it. And then eventually you've had enough right.

Tammy: 3:49

And so we don't want to get to that point that we want to say no now so you can save your energy, your time and basically say yes to things you need to say yes to and no to things you need to say no to so it lets you do other things that are more in your wheelhouse or more important right. So let's realize that there is power in saying no. Saying no is a way that we can take care of ourselves and those around us. When we respect our own needs and boundaries, we respect and honor those around us. As a leader, it's important to model this and stand firm on what is best for you and your business. So today we're going to discuss why it's difficult to say no. And then, according to John in his article, he had six tips how to say no. So we're going to talk about those. So again, I'm referencing this article from John Maloney If you go to Ramsey Solutions you can find it on there and he talks about if we say yes, when we mean no, end up exhausted, anxious, and we eventually burn out.

Tammy: 4:46

Plus there can become resentment, anger, frustration. He says you just don't have the right to say no. You have the responsibility to, because if you, if you say yes to stuff you don't have the time for, well, you're going to do a terrible job. I've had people and that that's what bothers me if you, if you can't do it or you don't want to do it, say no. But when you say yes and then you don't show up, or you say yes and you don't do it. That is so frustrating to me because it's disrespectful, it's not honorable, it's basically lying in my opinion. And so if you can't do it, it's okay. Just say no and you know. If you have a reason why, great, throw that in there. But if not, it's okay too, because when you're unable to show up as the high-performing business owner or your as a friend or a spouse or a parent, then if you know you can do better and you don't, you're basically staying caught in people-pleasing tendencies and you don't want to do that.

Tammy: 5:40

When it comes to learning how to say no, we have to choose the guilt of disappointing someone over resenting them because we said yes. And I'm telling you, if someone consistently doesn't show up I've had this happen to me recently in a business relationship I had, and I had to finally let the business relationship go because it just kept saying yes, yes, yes, even though I'm clearly saying to you are you sure you're going to really do this? Are you going to really to do this? Is this something you can do? And it was actually just asking them to do their job. I mean, as a business owner, it's their job, not my job, um, but the person just said yep, and then wouldn't show up and yep, I'll meet you there. And doesn't show up, and it's the most frustrating thing because it made me feel very unappreciated. It made me feel very, um, hurt, and then it's like I got resentment and then it's like I don't want to do this anymore. You know Cause?

Tammy: 6:23

I believe if I say yes, I will be there, and that's why I always say like when I commit to the gym, I do better when I have someone to go with, because if I have a friend or my spouse or someone's going to meet me there, you better freaking believe I'm going to be there. I'm going to be damn sick and way sick if I don't show up. And I've been to the gym sick, you know, like not something that's going to spread to everybody, but just not feeling good at all. And I showed up because I told someone I would be there. So you got to stand up for what's right and you got to do what you say you're going to do. But that's why it's important if you can't do it or don't want to do it, you say no, because if you say yes all the time, you can't always show up fully for them if you're not able to do it and then you're left exhausted and resentful.

Tammy: 7:03

And John Deloney said deeply, internalize this important truth An honest no is always better than a dishonest yes. I mean, I think anything being honest is always the best policy. I am not a fan of lying, I'm not a fan of liars. I don't want to be around people like that because I can't trust you, I can't believe in you, I can't support you, I can't even believe that you're going to be there for me, which is what a relationship is right. So why is it so hard to say no? So I'm going to refer to these six points that John Deloney brought up. One of them is saying no can be uncomfortable and awkward. Obviously we don't want to disappoint people, we don't want to hurt their feelings, and a lot of people avoid it and they can't do and they say yes and then they don't show up or they just half-ass it. So it's okay to be uncomfortable and awkward sometimes, you know, it's okay to tell people. I can't do that right now. I don't have the mental space for it, I don't have the ability for it, because if you tell me the truth, I will respect that. I may not love it, I may not like it, but I will appreciate it. I will be able to continue moving forward with you because you were honest.

Tammy: 8:08

We have to remember that our minds tend to jump to the worst possible scenario. We catastrophize I can't even say this word we make it bigger than it really is in reality, right Like we make a mountain out of a molehill. And so our greatest fear probably won't happen, but in our mind we're going to play it over and over, thinking you know, why didn't this person show up? Um, what happened to them? Are they mad at me? And then you start, you know, putting all these thoughts in your heads that aren't even accurate. And within business, it's good to prepare for potential issues that may arise, but it's also important to not ruminate on the negative, which could just impact your team or your business in negative ways. And you know that's happened to me with business partners I had and things, because they don't communicate or they won't talk to me or they just cut me off, and then I have no idea what's happening. And then I have to start making all these things up in my mind, trying to figure it out, and then it just makes it way worse.

Tammy: 8:56

Also, we care about other people's feelings and we care about them sometimes more than our own needs. You know we put other people ahead of us, which is not good. I tend to do that very much, and he said in there depending on the dynamics within our family, we may have learned from a young age to avoid conflict and keep the peace by making sure everyone else was happy. As a child, this kept you safe, but as an adult, disregarding your needs is a surefire way to build deep resentment. I know some people personally that are experiencing this. They're in relationships and they're being told who they can be friends with, who they can be in business with, and I think you know, yeah, that might work. Now that's a controlling way to keep someone, but at the end of the day, that person is going to become resentful for you because their relationships have now died, they've lost them. You know, maybe this person was good for their business and they cut them out because of what this other person wanted, and you know it's going to affect their business, and so I don't want to keep people in my life because I control them or because I'm forcing them to be there, or, you know, if someone's in my life and I want them to stay in my life. I have to treat them right and I can't control everything they do. That doesn't work and that's again going in the same thing. I'm not going to go ask someone, can you do this for me? Because I know they're going to do it, because they're a people pleaser. I'm going to ask them because I think they can do it, but if they say no, it's okay. I'll move on to the next person or the next project or whatever. So keep all that stuff in mind.

Tammy: 10:19

He also talks about we need to show up and be the best version of ourselves that we can be, and you can't do that if your needs are not met. It's important to remember that we are not responsible for other people's feelings. You know I struggle with that. I take on lots of things and sometimes, if I see someone struggling or hurting, I'll try to help them and I'll take on some of their stuff, and then it becomes like a pattern that they see, especially certain people, that they're like oh, this person will just take more and they just throw more at you, or they, you know, stop showing up even less, and it's hard for me to walk away from things because I am such a loyal person and so sometimes saying no is no, I can't do that for you. No, I can't work for you anymore, you know. No, I can't be your friend right now, you know I'm I'm extremely forgiving if you just change and be better and try. That's all I want for people to try and that's why it's important. If you can't do it, say no because you're disappointing the people that you're telling You're going to disappoint yourself eventually and I don't want to see you guys do that. I mean, we have enough on our plates. Another thing oh, talking about people's feelings, I have a note on this so he was talking about.

Tammy: 11:25

As a kid we learned to people, please, and I've seen that literally as adults, where I know people who are like you know you're eating their food and you want to put salt on it, they get offended. They're like well, what? My food's not good enough. I've seen that with ketchup. I like ketchup and I had someone one time was like what you, my food doesn't taste good, you have to put ketchup on it. I'm like no, I just like ketchup, I want to add adult, I can add ketchup, it's okay, it doesn't mean your food's bad. So things like that, like there's these weird manipulative things that happen, and so keep that in mind. Like you don't be that person, we don't want to be that person, you can say, no, I want ketchup or no, I don't want your food or whatever. You don't have to eat their food.

Tammy: 12:01

I have heard he talks about a story in his article about how if you go to someone's house and you don't want their food like you don't want their fruitcake or whatever they get very offended by that. It's ridiculous. I mean, don't be that person. Say no, I'm sorry, I don't want your fruit, I don't want your fruitcake, I don't like it, it's okay. I saw a meme on Facebook that said Facebook, please stop recommending people to me. I do know them, I just don't like them. I mean that it's okay to say no, it's something as simple as that. Okay, so, and then he talks about as a leader.

Tammy: 12:33

The other aspect that goes into this balancing that needs of is going geez, I can't even talk. That goes into this is the balancing the needs of the team versus the needs of the organization. So ways you can help with that is to create open communication. You know, make sure everybody understands they can openly communicate, have meetings to communicate these things. Know the strengths and weaknesses of your team individually and collectively. Promote collaboration, you know, bring people together, let them work as teams, set clear expectations so everyone understands what's happening, and then provide support and resources when they need it right.

Tammy: 13:07

So we truly want to say yes. I think we all want to say yes. It's just sometimes we don't have the bandwidth, we don't have the ability, we don't have the skills, we don't know how to do it. Maybe, you know we're not comfortable. So sometimes the when we want to say yes, like maybe yes to the work opportunity or yes to taking a vacation with a friend, but we know that our for our long-term vision, it might not be what's best for us. So, for example, with the vacation, I would love to take these trips sometimes, but I'm like I don't have the money, or if I do, I'm gonna have to go into debt for it, and I don't. That's not supporting my goal of getting out of debt.

Tammy: 13:39

Or, you know, you say my, uh, you know, like I'm very family oriented. For example, well, your goal then is to spend Sundays with your family, right? Well, then a work opportunity comes up on Sunday. Well, are you going to do what you say you're going to do and you're a man of God. You know you're a man of, or even that's an example.

Tammy: 13:56

If you're very much a man of God and you believe church is important and church is on Sunday, but you constantly are taking opportunities for work that take you away from church, well then you're not standing in what you're believing and saying and what your vision is right. So you have to spend that, you have to keep that and keep that for God or keep it for your family or whatever it is right. Or if it's your chance to go to the gym and you say I want to be healthy this year, well you're not standing up for what you're saying. If you're constantly skipping the gym because a work opportunity came up or because you just want to be lazy and be on the couch, you know, once in a while that's fine, but if you're consistently doing it, it's not. It's not okay.

Tammy: 14:37

So, as a leader, you need to tune in and see if your yes is aligned with the here and now, as well as the future. Okay, as a businessman, a husband, what you're saying is aligning. I mean, I had a friend that I knew that was telling me he wanted to build his business again and he was ready to go back to it, and so we had conversations and I started to help him build it. And then, within four or five months, it was he didn't want to work anymore and he was not showing up for jobs. And it's like that's not what you told me. You know, stick to what you said you want to do. So just keep all that stuff in mind.

Tammy: 15:06

And then, in this article, uh, john Delaney talks about we don't know how to say no. So it's an important life skill to learn how to say no. We can communicate and uphold our boundaries in a way that is respectful and kind. We can be considerate while still protecting our boundaries. So, as a leader, it's crucial to have healthy boundaries that are rooted in your values. That way we say no and that way it makes it important to us. The same way, when we say yes, right, we're saying no because it goes against my values. I mean, it's literally the same stuff as when we were teenagers.

Tammy: 15:38

And you know, I'm not a drug addict, I'm not a believer in doing drugs. I've just seen what it does to you and to your body and to your families, and I remember there was times I'd be around people that were you know doing drugs, people that were you know doing drugs, and they'd offer it to me and I was like nope, it was an easy no for me because it went against everything I believed in. I didn't believe in that. I just was like no, thanks. And sometimes they put pressure on and for me it was a solid nope, I'm good, thank you, and keep moving right, you don't have to cave to everything he says. That no is the most basic boundary you can set around what you value and what you won't put up with. Most basic boundary. You can set around what you value and what you won't put up with.

Tammy: 16:13

Same thing, in these conversations I'm having with you right now about the things that have happened to me, you know the business client that I just had to walk away from. I had to say no because he just there was no movement, there was no. I would try to meet in the middle. You know I would come back to a meeting and say, okay, what do you want? And you want your schedule, your schedule change, great, then give me the schedule you want and I'll schedule jobs based on that, or give me the time frame of you know you want to be off by this time and I'll make sure it's penciled out. Or if you don't want to work at all, cool, but then let me know that. So I don't schedule jobs for you and as a scheduler you know that stuff's really important because I need to make sure I'm doing what's best for him but also what's best for the clients, based on the parameters he gave me. And then I'd get these parameters and then he wouldn't, the jobs wouldn't get showed up for whatever happens.

Tammy: 16:56

And then I'd go back and have another conversation Like what is happening? I don't understand, and the, the, the boundaries and the markers were always moving and he, he had no idea what he was doing, what he wanted to do, and so for me it was like I can't, you're causing so much stress and putting me in turmoil because I don't work well like that. You hire me to come in and fix things right. You come in, I come in and try to make things calmer, organized, running, efficient. You know that kind of stuff and unfortunately, that way he works is very unorganized, very disorderly and disastrously honestly, and I mean that works for him, great, but that doesn't work for me.

Tammy: 17:30

And so it gets to a point where I had to say no, and it's the freaking hardest thing. I hate saying no. I hate saying take it back. I hate saying I can't do this because I want it to work, I want it to always work. I want to help you but no was what was best, because it's not working for him. It's certainly not working for me. It was giving me headaches. I was having so much stress. It's not worth it. So the answer is no and I'm telling you I struggle with that probably more than anyone.

Tammy: 17:55

So he also mentions in here another reason it's hard to say no is we are unsure of what is most important to us. So it's more difficult to say no when we're not rooted in our values. Knowing our values means knowing our priorities and in that we can uphold ourselves to make the best decisions. So again, filtering that through what my situation just was that I was just talking about I cherish running a business smoothly. I cherish my customers. You know I cherish collecting the money. I mean I want to do business right and when I work with someone that doesn't, it's so against my values.

Tammy: 18:33

It mentally is exhausting, it's emotionally exhausting and spiritually it makes me feel yucky because I'm like trying to half-ass it, basically, and that does not work for me. I cannot half-ass stuff, I'd rather just not do it, and that's why, eventually, I give it up and I'm like have it back because I can't do it your way. It doesn't work for me, and so I think it's important that one of the best ways to filter all of this through a situation, or your situation, is to see if saying yes aligns with your priorities and values. Maybe something that's a no right now might be a yes later. After all, the other priorities have been taken care of.

Tammy: 19:09

You know, I'm not always a no person, so the way I see it is if someone came back to me and said you know, I've messed up in the past, I was doing things wrong, I have changed. And then you look at, have they changed? And you can tell, because they're the fruit that they're producing right there. Their track record has changed. So for now I'm not talking one time, it's going to be a long time of it. So you know, months or years or whatever you can see like, are they changing? Are they treating their customers better? Are they showing up for work? Whatever it is, can I see that your values have changed now? If that's the case, then I will let you back in. I will help you again.

Tammy: 19:46

But I am not doing it when you have not changed and you just fight. Or you know, I might say I can't do this position today, but maybe if I get more bandwidth, maybe if I don't have as many clients. You know, life's changing all the time and things are not always solid yes, forever. I've learned my lessons. I've in the past, as a younger person, I would say I'm never doing that, I will never do that again. And I found myself doing it again. You, I will never do that again. And I found myself doing it again. You know, I've went trucking a couple of times and it's not my favorite thing to do, but I found myself there and so I've learned to never say never because it doesn't, it's not accurate, it's not, it's not something you can guarantee.

Tammy: 20:20

So another reason we have a hard time saying no is we want people to like us. I mean, I think if we're all being honest think that's everyone, it's definitely me at times it can definitely be difficult to say no when you may feel like we'll disappoint our business partner or our employees or our spouse or a friend. The truth is, if you openly communicate with them, they most likely will understand why you couldn't make it to that dinner or event. They invited you to doing something just so we are liked by people. It's really it's pretty much going to lead you to doing something just so we are liked by people. It's pretty much going to lead you to resentment, and we know what resentment does. It's a killer man. It's not good.

Tammy: 20:57

Another reason he mentions in here is of why we're afraid to say no is we're afraid of missing out. You know FOMO. So here's I'm going to read exactly what he wrote. He said it's tempting to charge that plane ticket to the credit card so you can go on an annual guy's trip or spend a ton of money on a new outfit for a first date. It feels like missing the trip or wearing an old set of clothes will cause you to miss out on everything. Good, but saying no means saying yes to accomplishing a more important goal, like getting out of debt or not chaining yourself to some credit card company. You know, sometimes I think I got to go to this event because I'm going to miss out on all the fun or whatever. And then I found out later like it wasn't really that fun. I was fine, I didn't really miss out on anything, you know. So you don't want to get in that mindset of like, but I'll miss out on it. What if I don't do it? You know, and I always talk about talk to God about it If it's something big enough that you think might be.

Tammy: 21:51

He also has a part where he says why is it important to say no? And I want to just read you what he has. I like it. It says, as uncomfortable as it might be, saying no is important because it helps you prioritize what most matters to you. By saying no to situations like attending social events. You're not interested in spending outside your budget, budget, eating food that's unhealthy or traveling when your schedule is already full of multiple responsibilities. You're able to set boundaries that protect your wellness, peace and resources. No is the most basic boundary you can set. So think about that. So now you're saying, okay, well, I figured out that I need to say no. That's obvious. So then the next question is how do you say no?

Tammy: 22:31

So John Deloney has six things in here, so I'm going to read through them. One is know what's most important to you. So, as I stated earlier, knowing what your values and needs are is where saying no starts. We need to know what's important to us and what our priorities are for us to be able to make an aligned yes or no. When we do so, we use our time intentionally and feel at peace with our decision. So ask yourself what's most important to me in this season of life and then write down those five things and then use those five things as your filter to say yes or no. So if someone's so, for example, my five. I just wrote five down quick. I said attending church, whether it's online or in a person, whatever you have, that's important to me. Disconnecting and spending time in God's word is important. Spending time with my husband is important. Making sure I go to therapy twice a week, twice a month, is important, and then paying off my debt is important. So an example would be these are my five things.

Tammy: 23:23

So if someone says to me I need you to work on Sunday, I have a coaching client right and they want me to coach them in business or life coaching, and they want me to meet on Sundays and it's right at church, and they can say to me that's the only time I have available. Well, I can take that and I can wait against my values and I can say, okay, sure, it's great to make extra money, it's great to have another client, but is it going to make me attend? Can I still church? Well, no, I'm going to miss church because that's right. During that time, um, am I going to be disconnecting and spending time in God's word? Not during the time I'm supposed to be, because I now have this client, um, paying off debt. Sure that works.

Tammy: 24:05

So in this case, it's like, okay, well, it's a no because it gets right into the values that I cherish, right? Or if I have a client or an opportunity or a volunteering opportunity or whatever, and it takes me out of the home four nights a week, during the evenings when my husband's home and one of my values was spend time with my husband, I'm going to say no because it takes away from that. Now, if it's once a night or once a week or something, sure I can make that work, but if it's consistent and it's, you know, going to take away from that time, it's a no. Or if, right now, I love a new car, but the problem is they're $80,000 and I don't want to go that far in debt. I don't want to have another massive payment. So it's an easy sorry, I can't have it right now. Right, if I can eventually save cash for it, sure I'll do that. But I'm not doing it because I'm supposed to be paying off debt. That's my goal. So I think that kind of makes sense for you guys.

Tammy: 24:55

So think about it for yourself. So what you know, what goals do you have? What are your five values? And then any decision that comes in has to weigh into those things. Number two set boundaries. Remember that boundaries are not selfish. Boundaries are a gift to yourself and those you care about. It means that you spend your time intentionally, and when you honor your own boundaries, you in turn honor others. Right, because you're going to show up, you're going to do the job well, you're going to do the tasks well, you're going to be there and be fully present, right? So an example there is like, if I value rest, you want to be in bed by 930. So if something's going to take you out of your home consistently and you're going to be home late every night, that's something to think about. It's probably a no.

Tammy: 25:39

And he says, saying no can actually increase the quality of our work, our schedule and our mental health. Remember that your health and your mental health is super important and that leads into the health of your business, which comes first. Actually, I'm going to rephrase that. I kind of didn't say that, correct your mental health comes first and then your business health comes second. Right, you have to take care of your mental health, because you can't take care of your business if you're not okay and then your family's not okay, no one's okay, and you don't need to feel guilty about that.

Tammy: 26:10

Talk through your decisions with someone you trust. So when we can confide in someone that we trust, they can mirror back what we're saying, which is kind of what we do in coaching. You know, people will say things and then I'm like you say one thing there, you said something else there. You're not aligning like and you need to kind of bring that to their attention of like, but you're saying this, but you're also saying this. That doesn't work. You know, um, we can feel seen and heard by talking to someone else and possibly find deeper clarity on what is the best decision. So you could talk to a business coach, a life coach, a friend, a spouse, a therapist, another business owner, you know whatever it is, find someone to bounce it off of Cause. Sometimes just saying it helps you. Like getting it out of your head helps you.

Tammy: 26:50

And John Deloney says remember it's up to you to own your decision to say no. Get insight from others if you really need it, but don't rely on them to do the uncomfortable work for you. Don't make them make the decision for you. Just kind of bounce it off of them. Four he says choose guilt over resentment. We choose no. He says we should not say yes to something just because we want to avoid feeling guilty. This leads to resentment. If you say yes to something that you don't really want to say yes to, people are going to pick up on that and they're really going to pick up on it if you don't show up. Pay attention to the guilt that rises up in you when you try to make a decision, but don't let the guilt decide for you.

Tammy: 27:29

Number five respond with kindness, firmness and clarity. So he says a lot of the time we give non-committal answers to someone because we don't want to hurt their feelings, but really we need to be clear. Being clear about something is being kind. So an example would be like you know, I'm gonna have to double check on that and see if I have time, um, or yeah, maybe, maybe, if I have time I'll stop by. You know, that's not a yes or no, right, you're leaving it open, which then still puts pressure on you. And now you're, you're going to kind of give the opportunity for these people to think that maybe they're going to show up and they maybe get excited for you to show up and then you don't. Well, that's not good. And then he also says if we, if we know we can't make something or don't want to go to something, be upfront about it. Just say it. But say kindly and compassionately, and remember that when we are clear, we're being kind.

Tammy: 28:13

And then he says number six use a script to say no. It might seem overkill, but having a script for different scenarios that might happen often it'll help you to communicate a no and that can also help the conversation go much smoother. So he says plan what to say when people invite you to holiday parties when there's so much going on, or know what you what to say when people invite you to holiday parties when there's so much going on, or know what you want to say when your business partner asks you to take on another project that you know you don't have time for. So he had some examples and I'll just read you a few of these. In his article it says you can say simply no. You can say no, thank you. You can say thanks for thanks. So much for that invitation, but that time doesn't really work good for me. I appreciate the offer. Unfortunately I'm not'm not available.

Tammy: 28:55

Another thing he says is I would love to come to your event but travel isn't in the budget this month. Or he says I wish I could, but I have another obligation that day. Or another way to say is thanks for thinking of me. I'm sorry I won't be able to fit it in my schedule. Or if they're asking for like, a donation, you could say I've already planned my donations for this year. I mean I do that with sales calls for advertising. I mean I have a budget, I've determined where my money's going and I've literally said to people I'm sorry, my budget has been spent for the year. I've already allocated the assets or allocated the money somewhere else, and then they typically go away.

Tammy: 29:32

So I'm hoping that by listening to this you can find a way to say no. I hope it empowers you to say no and I hope you mean no. You say no, don't say yes when you mean yes, or don't say yes when you mean no, but say yes when you actually mean yes. It can be difficult, but I believe in you. Please share this episode with anyone who struggles to say no, as well as to follow this podcast on your favorite platform you know like share, subscribe. That way, you never miss an episode.

Tammy: 30:00

Thanks for listening today. I invite you to share your own experience of saying no within your life or your business by visiting wwwlightupyourbusinesspodcastcom or even go on my Facebook page Light Up your Business and comment on there. We'd love to hear from you guys. I look forward to talking to you guys next time. Have a good one and remember in the world of business, every success story begins with a passionate dream and ends with a strategic billion dollar handshake. Stay ambitious, stay innovative and keep making those deals that reshape tomorrow. Thank you all for tuning in and until next time, remember. Proverbs 3.3 says let love and faithfulness never leave you. Bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. That way, you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man. And remember if you like what you heard today, click the follow button so you never miss an episode.