Imagine this: Everything you experience, every conversation, every interaction, even your own reactions – it's all a reflection of you. In this episode, we dive into the mirror effect, a transformative way of understanding your insecurities, fears, and triggers.
We cover:
So, lets dive in!
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Want to unlock your true authentic self? Click here for Weekly Wisdom on how!
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Loved todays episode? Please share to your story, leave a review or message me some feedback on Instagram! I will appreciate it so much 🧡
Imagine this: Everything you experience, every conversation, every interaction, even your own reactions – it's all a reflection of you. In this episode, we dive into the mirror effect, a transformative way of understanding your insecurities, fears, and triggers.
We cover:
So, lets dive in!
____________________________________
Want to unlock your true authentic self? Click here for Weekly Wisdom on how!
Follow me on Instagram here!
Loved todays episode? Please share to your story, leave a review or message me some feedback on Instagram! I will appreciate it so much 🧡
Hey everyone, this is your host, soph Storm, and welcome to the Ocean-Minded podcast. So come along with me and let's explore the depths of the sea. That is personal development. I'm here to help you expand your horizons and show you that you are the water in the wave, so let's dive in.
Speaker 2:Hello and welcome back to another episode of the Ocean-Minded podcast. Today's episode is going to be on the mirror effect. It's something that can help us navigate our triggers so we can have more personal growth. So let's dive in. Basically, everything in our life is a mirror and when we think something of someone else mirroring that and that's actually what we think about ourselves, it normally comes in the form of a trigger or an insecurity or, if we tend to feel anything towards another person, how you can kind of reflect on that within yourself and what that feeling can bring up or unravel within you. So, for example, the mirror effect comes up the most in a money scenario.
Speaker 2:So if someone's talking about all the things they have and you're immediately being like why do they get that? Why don't I get that? That's such bullshit. Like they're getting all this money they get to buy a house, of course, that their house doubled in value. When you're saying those things, reflecting back and looking at your relationship with money, do you feel like you deserve those things? If you're thinking that, oh my god, that person doesn't deserve those things, do you think that you deserve them? And then sit there and really just like, just relish in that. Do you actually believe that you deserve those things? Because most of the time when you're getting annoyed at someone else for being wealthy, it's because you actually believe that you don't deserve that wealth yourself. So the mirror effect can really be this interesting navigation tool throughout your life, because really, when someone reacts a certain way to something, it says more about that person than it does about the thing that they're reacting to.
Speaker 2:So you can flip this as well. When you're in a conversation with someone else and they're talking to you and they get triggered and then you feel like you've done something wrong. It's not you. It's like that cliche breakup line it's not you, it's me. It's quite valid because literally, if you're sitting there and someone's just absolutely getting triggered by what you're saying, that's not your fault at all. Understandably, if you had a known their history and then you've asked a question that was inappropriate, that you knew was going to trigger them, then that's your fault because you should have been in a safe space doing that or something like that.
Speaker 2:There's ways to go about things that don't have to actually upset and trigger people, and that's what I just want to also preface. Is the mirror effect. You're not going around and being like oh my God, I'm the mistake, everything's my fault. Oh my God, what's wrong with me? There are valid reasons to be angry at people and there's valid reasons to feel like someone's being unnecessarily angry towards you. But it's just always good to have it the forefront of your mind. What is this reaction telling me about myself? What is this reaction telling me about the other person?
Speaker 2:Then you can come from this empathetic standpoint towards not only other people but also yourself. So you start going oh well, they're only saying that because they're insecure about this, or they don't feel like they deserve money, or they don't feel like they deserve love. So you can look through this empathetic lens and, when you're in this moment, rather than feeling like it's a really good way. So when you're in a conversation with someone and they're getting triggered and they're saying not very nice things to you, rather than you believing those words, it's a good way to be like okay, there's something going on here. It's obviously not really about me. It's really about something deeper rooted within them. I'm just going to sit here and let them say what they're going to say, or I'm going to walk away because I don't need this negative energy in my life Depends on how fired up they are or whatever they're saying or however they're triggered, but it gives you this sense of empathy that you can look through and you really can see their wounded child within.
Speaker 2:Like everything, there always comes these disadvantages of like. Okay, in every situation, dwye, is the mirror effect applied and it's like but that's life. You've got to go through life and figure out when and where to navigate, when and where to apply this mirror effect to your life, when it is in fact actually a mirror or when it is in fact just a shitty fucking situation that's happened, that you're allowed to be angry about and that doesn't mean anything within you. It's just like you've just had a reaction because someone literally nearly cut you off in traffic and you're like that was fucking dangerous and you've just said that and that's all you said. That was your reaction and it's fine. It's not on your head. I think that the main difference between the mirror effect is like, if it's still on your mind to like the end of the day, that's when you have to delve deeper into it, cause I can guarantee you like I've been cut off in traffic and then by the time I'm like I really fucking died. And then I get to the place and then I can't even remember that. That's when I know that that's was just a reaction and I just had like a little like, oh my God, that was so unsafe, why would they do that? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You should be driving better.
Speaker 2:When I'm driving, like I don't, I sound like I've got like massive road rage, but it's like the most polite road rage ever. Like I stare at people, I'm like when I'm driving and they've done something bad, I'm like I'm going to make eye contact and I'm going to stare at them and tell them what they've done through my staring. And then, like I get next to them and I'm like I can't, I can't even look at them. So like I'm making it out, like I'm like this you know this person that has like like such a bad road rage, but I don't. When they get to the destination, I if I'm not thinking about it. That's how I know that it's nothing deep within it. It wasn't actually. I wasn't actually triggered.
Speaker 2:There's a trigger like is like you've thought about it the whole day. It's annoying you to like the end of the day, you're like that really annoyed me, that that person cut me off in traffic, like they should have known better, like that's when you have to delve deeper. So when I'm saying it is hard to find this balance between you know the mirror effect, when to apply it and when to not, it actually is pretty straightforward on when to apply it it's when you've thought about it a long time throughout the whole day, that's when you have to, that's when it's saying more about you than it is about the other person, because if you're sitting here putting your energy on it, still you need to sit down and you need to reassess what, why you need to. You need to delve deep into that why and that's where it leads into okay, the why is because they really made me feel unsafe and safety is a massive thing to me and it made me realize that I don't have control of everything and that I need to get control. And you know, really it really spooked me out that, like that, like to me, if someone cuts you off in traffic and you get really triggered about it, the first things that come up for me I would be saying to, if you're a client and I'd be saying this to you, I'd be like, well, how do you, how do you deal with control? And then if they immediately said to me they're like I don't, I need control, then I'd be like there you go, that's what it's telling you. Then if someone was like I felt unsafe, I'll be like unsafe. I felt unsafe, I'd be like well, there you go. That's what you need to look into. You need to look into safety. You're lacking some form of safety in your life right now, some form of security, and this person cutting you off has triggered that and you've, it's made you feel unsafe. So there's something to do with safety that you need to delve deeper into. So the mirror effect can really tell you a lot about yourself.
Speaker 2:If you're like, if it's, if it's not done in a way where you're overanalyzing every single thing, because not everything needs to be overanalyzed, not everything has to mean something. I don't want like this analysis, paralysis that can come with personal growth, because there's literally things that you just need to let go of and not worry about. Sometimes personal growth is just learning to like, not overanalyze, everything. So, like it might just be like well, that literally meant nothing. It might just be like okay, oh, I managed to stop in. Like, if someone cuts you off in traffic. You're like, oh, I managed to stop in time, I'm safe, I'm happy, I'm still alive and like gratitude coming in, like you might actually change the situation where you start feeling gratitude towards how safe you are as a driver yourself and how much safety you can find within yourself in that moment Because you are so aware of, like when you're driving, to break as soon as someone cuts you off in your lack. Okay, I can trust myself, like I can trust that I can protect myself.
Speaker 2:See the difference in those two reactions what they can tell about yourself more than they tell you about the other person. The other person we don't know their story, we don't know what they're going through, we don't know they might have cut you off and immediately gone into self-sabotage mode and be like oh my God, I'm so fucking, I'm such a shit driver, I blah, blah, blah, blah. You don't know what they're dealing with and they might have. There's so many reasons why they could have cut you off. They could have literally just found out that you know someone's in hospital and they're trying to rush there. You don't, you don't know why they've cut you off. There's could be many reasons. They could just literally be a shit driver and that's how they were taught. But it could be so many other reasons and if you're sitting there and you're getting angry at that, see how it says more about you than it does them.
Speaker 2:Going into a little bit more about trigger and like what a trigger is. So a trigger is when you could be doing anything talking to someone, watching TV, walking, like anything and you feel this like there's just like this unexplainable irritation and like you're, like you're irritated, you're snappy, like you just you're reactive. A trigger is causes reaction and it could be like instant tears, like that could be a trigger. It's just instant tears. Someone says a word like they literally say like your shit, and you're like like start crying. It's normally stems from a past experience and insecurity or like a need that hasn't been met within yourself. When people get triggered, rather than like doing anything about it, they just like that was weird. Oh my God, why did I react like that, or why that person made me react like that. That's unfair. That's their fault, why did they do that? But a trigger should be a trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger. Oh my God, I can't hear that now.
Speaker 2:Trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, route, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, your trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, magarge scenario, trigger trigger is great because when you find your triggers, you have the opportunity to heal that part of you. It's okay, I'll use one of my triggers that I discovered one time I think I'm not sure if I've spoken about this on this podcast so I had this day at work and I was. I can't remember what I had done.
Speaker 2:I think I had to like go and ask this person like a lot of questions at a lot of different times because I just wasn't understanding. Like I wasn't comprehending this certain topic and it was, it was across, it wasn't in my field. Like I had to like learn about another field in this business and I was like, oh, anyway. So I went in and I was like I'm so sorry, sorry to be annoying, and like ask the question and then walked out and then, like, I walked back in I'm like sorry to be annoying. And I walked back out and I walked back in I'm like I'm sorry to be annoying. And then they said, um, yeah, well, you are being really annoying, as like a joke, because, like I kept saying I'm sorry to be annoying and like, as soon as they said that, I was like, oh, okay, and then I could walked out and it was like, thankfully, towards the end of the day and like I just got in the car and I just started crying and I was like what is going on? And then I was just like driving and I had like a 40 minute drive home. So it was like good, because I got to like really reflect on this and I like literally no music on.
Speaker 2:I was just like in my thoughts, just thinking, and I was like I'd remembered this method that I'd learned in my previous coaching course that I've done with Samantha Daly, and it was like always ask why, like continuously ask yourself why. So I was like sitting there and I was like I'm annoying and I was like, why does this make me feel like shit? And I was like because I mean it's not nice to be told you're annoying. And I was like. But why I was like? Because I just feel like I am annoying. But why I was like? Because I I don't know, I just always feel like I'm annoying person. Why do you feel like you're an annoying person? Because I've been told I was annoying before by who? My siblings, but. And why? Because I always wanted to hang out with them when I was younger and I would go and knock on their doors and and ask them and they'd be like you're annoying, get out. Understandably, guys, I'm not coming at you guys for this, but totally understandable.
Speaker 2:And then I was like wait, I'm the youngest child and I have a like a big age gap with me and my siblings. Of course I think I'm annoying. Like I'm the youngest child, I literally was annoying, like I wanted to hang out all the time. I remember there's I could literally name so many times where I wanted to like hang out and I would like constantly, constantly ask, until the point where my siblings would be like fine, like, so I wasn't, like I was annoying. And then, as soon as I like had this realization, I was like I'm literally the youngest kid in my family and I have actually been told I'm annoying a lot when I was younger. But I now think that when I ask people questions, a lot like you know, or go to people repetitively that I'm annoying because of this.
Speaker 2:And then when I got told I was annoying in an adult life, it triggered me because I hadn't been called annoying for ages and it kind of validated how I was feeling already when I went into the room because I was apologizing for being annoying. But then they like validated it by saying it as a joke and then I was like, oh my god, what? So then I just like had this whole self reflection drive home of learning about this trigger and since that trigger has happened. Well, since I learned about this trigger, I can. Now I worked on this trigger and now I actively choose to not think this way. So when I can feel myself starting to think this way, I'll immediately say to myself that I choose different because I'm like no, I'm not believing that today. We're not believing. We're not believing that she's annoying. We're not Because that was that was young Sophie. Young Sophie may have been annoying because all she wanted was to hang out and have some like fun times with her siblings. So she wasn't annoying, she just wanted to hang out and that's fair enough for young Sophie and it's.
Speaker 2:It's really quiet, like healing, when you're like allowing yourself the permission to not feel annoying anymore or to not feel that trigger anymore. So this is, this is why the mirror effect is, like, so helpful in your life, because when you start noticing that the reason like, the reasons why you're feeling the way you feel things, you can start then healing those intense reactions you have. And then when you go on and like you know, further on in life when things like that come up, you then can actively choose to think differently and you can actively rewire and reframe. So this effect has these amazing benefits because you can sit there and really change your life through, like reflection and healing. So how do we reflect and heal? So there's multiple ways you can overcome triggers. The main way is doing something, like I said previously, which was like talking yourself through it and just asking yourself why and just keep asking yourself why, even if you're going around and around in circles, keep going Like, just keep asking yourself why, because the more you ask yourself why, the more you'll start getting better with the fact that you keep asking yourself why and then you'll just be like oh, it's really.
Speaker 2:Because when I was four years old, I got told I was annoying and it really hurt my feelings because all I want to do was hang out. I wasn't being annoying at all. All I want to do is hang out. And then you're like, oh, okay. And then you just keep going. You're like, but why didn't make me feel like this? And you're like, oh well, it's because, you know, every time I tried to hang out with my siblings, I didn't want to hang out. I mean, they always called me annoying and that really made me feel upset and I just wanted to be loved by them because blah, blah, blah. And then you literally go, you ask yourself why again? And then you literally just keep going and then you can't stop and you're just writing and you're just releasing the energy stored from this trigger that you've suppressed in the past. And you're releasing that energy and you might cry, you might yawn, you might sneeze, you might just really just be writing so much that you can't even write anymore. And then you release it and then, going forward, you can actively choose different, and that's so. That's kind of like two in one. Just I said just there. So we've got a strategy to overcome it is journaling, so sitting down and asking yourself why multiple times, even if you're going around in circles, just keep asking yourself why.
Speaker 2:Another way of like a form of journaling is just like sitting there and talking yourself through it. So like literally talking out loud. I mean like sit in the car, talk out loud. And if you're like on a walk, really really, really, really, really good life hack here if you're on a walk and you want to talk about something and you'll by yourself and you don't want to seem like someone that's talking to themselves, whip your phone out, hold it up to your ear, get your earphones in. No one's going to know whether you're on the phone or not. Just talk to yourself. Like if you really want to walk, work through something on your walk, there's ways to like do that with looking normal and like voice memoing.
Speaker 2:These moments are great because you can look back and reflect on them and then, when you reflect on them, you might even find like you said something and you didn't realize, like didn't sink in when you said it, but when you're listening back on it, you're like what the fuck? That is so true, or it might unlock more. So recording them as well, is also great. So journaling is one strategy to overcome a trigger. And then you've got the mindfulness and the self awareness. So that's just like, yeah, being aware of the thoughts and emotions, being aware of the mirror effect, like delving deeper into it when you do feel triggered, realizing that a trigger is like you don't have to deal with a trigger when you're speaking to someone, right then and there you can note it, just like, note it in your head and then just like, okay, that that hurt, that stabbed me a little bit in the chest there, let's, let's take that for later.
Speaker 2:And then you'll notice, like, as I said, if you're still thinking about it later, you that's a trigger, because triggers, when you're triggered, it's your trigger. You will be thinking about it. It will be like this thing in this conversation like really annoyed me, and I can't put my finger on why, but it annoyed me and I wanna sit down and I wanna, like talk about it, because I feel very irritated and very frustrated towards whatever that is and I don't know what it is and I wanna figure it out. And you'll notice that you'll have this feeling and that's where being self aware in those moments of like, yeah, but noting them, but also staying present in that moment. So you're not like, if someone's talking to you like you can be like, hey, like I'm just gonna be completely honest, like I might just need, I just need a couple of moments, I'm just gonna go to the toilet and I'll come back and just go to the toilet, write it down in your phone like exactly what triggered you and how you're feeling. Like just go and do that for a little bit and then come back and then continue talking to your friend.
Speaker 2:If it's really like, really sticking on your mind, you can't get past it, but really try to remain present. Because, yeah, there's ways like you don't wanna be processing something with someone if they're not like your safety person, like you can. If you're a safety person and like you can actually talk through things with them, then be like hang on, stop, I need to stop. I'm really, really sorry. I really appreciate what you're saying, but like something you just said then has made me feel really unsettled and I need to. Can you help me talk about this? Can we work through this? Because I don't know what's going on and I actually think that I'm gonna go just like. I just feel like crying and they might like walk you through it and they actually might help you like unravel what that trigger is. But if it's someone that you can't, you feel like you can't be that vulnerable with and they're not like your safe person, then remain present and, yeah, write it down.
Speaker 2:Sometimes what I do is I like if I need to think about something, I'll put like my finger up, like I'll put like my index finger up, and it reminds me that I like need to like think about something. Or I give myself a word, so like, and I make it into like a song. It always happens when I'm like going to the shops and I like I've got like three ingredients and I'm like I don't wanna like ride in my phone, so I'm just gonna like make a song. So I'm just like bird butter and onions. Then I go to the shop and I'm like bread, butter and onions, and then when I get the bread, I'm like butter and onions, butter and onions, and then I get the butter, I'm like onions.
Speaker 2:Honestly, it's fun up here guys. It's fun in my head. We're like doing all sorts of fun shit every day. We're making heaps of beats, and you probably heard on the episode with my brother and then it was like I'm really mad, mad, mad, mad. That actually comes up quite a bit in my life now, like one of my friends. She turns to me and she goes I'm really mad, mad, mad, mad. I'm like, excuse me, what is this? And she was like yeah, I listened to the episode and I was like mm.
Speaker 2:Okay. So yeah, remaining present is really important in the mindfulness and self-awareness. So we've got journaling, mindfulness and self-awareness, and then we've got empathy and perspective taking. So that is where I kind of mentioned that you've got to have empathy towards the person if they're experiencing a trigger and just being like, rather than being like, this is about me just remembering, like, okay, this person's like getting very triggered at this particular topic, even though they're like saying, really, you know, mean things to me, it's not about me, it's about them. It actually helps you diffuse a lot of situations. Like, for example, my brother gets some comments on his his like social media. Obviously, being a musician, he's got, you know, an audience and some people feel to chime in and say like your voice is shit and it's like okay. And like I've got like this protective sister in me that like wants to come out they're like your voice is shit, Get fucked.
Speaker 2:I don't know why I turned in like full Ozzy Bogan when I said that too, but he like we had this discussion because he's like you know, it's just funny how like people feel like they need to say that, like it's gonna stop me, and I'm like, yeah, it is actually pretty funny. But I always say to him like and we I think it's nice all the time, even when anyone gets a negative comment, to just kind of like show them like you know, this says more about this person. I wonder if they could say it to your face. Like you know they're saying it over a keyboard and like I wonder if they like were, could come up to you face to face and say your voice is shit, cause, like as soon as you see that there's a human behind that voice, it's a completely different feeling. And we like when you know he kind of he sent me some of the messages that he got, cause he went viral and he like sent them to me and I was like you know, just send them back, love, like just reply with love and just reply with like that you're sending them a big hug, or like reply with something like that and he actually ended up replying with really good messages to some of them and it was like. The person actually then replied like sorry, mate, just having a bad day. And you're like what? So you're having such a bad day that you thought you'd go on people's Instagrams and tell them that they've got a shit voice. So you thought you're having a bad day, so, oh, let's go make everyone else have a bad day. But you see, the change when it was like, as soon as this person came back with love instead of like anger, they're completely changing, like I'm so sorry. Like you know, I'm having a bad day.
Speaker 2:And that's what happens in these situations, when people getting triggered. If you just give them love and you're like, hey, like, I totally understand that you're feeling like that, but these shit, I'm really sorry, like. And then they go, yeah, like, and they might just start crying and they might just like, exactly, like, talk about the trigger and like why, where it stemmed from and why they feel like this. And then you've just learnt more about your friend in a really beautiful way because you've had this bonding moment, all because you showed them some empathy and you looked at things through their perspective and through their lens of life. And, you know, most of the time we assume that people feel the way that they feel, but we don't actually know how they're actually feeling. And having this perspective towards a trigger can really help you, you know, be a better friend and give them what they actually need and what they're coming to you for.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, just like talking about just having some empathy towards the situation, rather than instantly going into, like this, what the fuck this is me? Like they're saying I'm shit, blah, blah, blah. It's like no, they're actually, they're triggered. So they're just saying things because they're triggered and this means nothing to you. It's just because, in this current time they're going through, they're trying to process this reactive emotion, but they can't. They don't have the tools. So you might have to be the tool to help guide them in that moment.
Speaker 2:And this actually can help with so many situations in life. Like it actually helps not taking on other people's like how do I say this? So like, when people come up to you and vent, like you know, you might have a friend that like, just like complains about their day, and that's fine. Like complaining about your day, getting it out of your chest, fair enough, but like it might help you when you've got like this empathy and you've got like this mirror effect, like this, saying more about them, it actually helps you segregate your energy from them and it helps you see them as like okay, this is their energy. I'm not going to let it come on to me Having perspective in those moments when your friends are complaining about things, they come home from work and they're just like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 2:Being able to like have the empathy towards them, being like okay, this is just their day. They've had like a triggering moment throughout their day. It's obviously still in their mind. They want to get it off their chest and maybe work through it and like you're able to segregate yourself from that. So this mirror effect can really have this way of like protecting your energy because you're like, oh, it's not about me, it's about them, and like I'm not going to like bring on their triggers into my life because I'm not triggered by that. And like I think differently and like having a perspective on like well, they're feeling like that because you might know things about your friends. You might be like they had a shitty relationship, so like you know the relationships if they're gone to work and they've come back and they're talking about you know how someone they trusted someone and then they shouldn't have in the office or something like that. Like I'm laughing because like trusting someone in the office and when they shouldn't have sounds like such drama and I was like what, what is this? It was like an episode of suits or something in my head just like popped up. So you can really segregate yourself from that because you're like, oh, but that's the trigger because of you know their previous relationship and it gives you this perspective of being like okay, I don't have to take it on, because when you're talking to friends sometimes you feel like you need to take on their stuff but you don't have to, and having this like different perspective towards triggers can really help you not take on things because you know it's like that.
Speaker 2:I always talk about TikToks and Reels. I wish that I filmed my podcast sometimes so I can show you what I'm talking about. But it's like when your friend is acting angry about something and you want to be supportive and it's like this person got like ah, fuck, and then the other person's like ah, fuck, and then they kind of like kick something and they're like fucking shit. And then the other, like the friends, just like, oh, like softly punch or something. It's like you don't actually have to match their energy. When someone's like being, you know, complaining about something or like venting about something, you just got to be there to listen and let them have their moment to shine and you can listen without letting it affect your day, which is essentially what perspective helps with. And then in those moments as well, when you've got like the mirror effect kind of happening for yourself, having some empathy towards yourself and being like, okay, I'm noticing that I'm feeling a certain way, feeling a bit reactive, feeling a little bit, you know, triggered. Okay, we're feeling triggered, let's just chill and then let's just work through it later, like or yeah, so giving yourself some empathy. And then there's this side of triggers where it's like just communication, just like communicating, and that kind of ties into what I was saying before, with like you know, just being like hey, like I'm feeling something off right now, like I think I just need to go.
Speaker 2:I didn't communicate very well. One of my triggers that I had one time and someone had said something to me. They were like jokingly saying something to me, like it was so obvious, it was a joke, but I don't think they realized this joke was like well, they didn't. They didn't know at all. Like they actually didn't know that this was a trigger for me at all. Like I literally walked off and ended up like crying because of how triggered I was and, thankfully, like I just like came back to the conversation and they didn't even notice because I think it was at a workplace, so it wasn't like I walked off mid conversation. They probably just thought there was someone out in the reception and I'd like gone and served them. But yeah, I didn't communicate that that was a not okay joke and that it made me feel a certain way I don't really think that this person was a safe person to even communicate up with.
Speaker 2:So, like me going and dealing with it by myself was fine, but I feel like I could have communicated that situation better, which is why, like a tip for things like that is just being like open, when you open up, like you don't have to, people don't react the way you think that they're going to react when you're going to say something. So like you could say in your head so many times that you know someone's going to say this back and they're never going to say it back the way that you think ever. And like people will literally be way more empathetic and more kind than you think. And with expressing your emotions around triggers, I think it's just it's. It's fine to just be like I just need a moment, like no questions asked. Can I please just have a? I just have a moment, or go in like, just be like yeah, I need to go to the toilet and then go to the toilet and then just process a little bit there and then come back in and just be like hey, I'm really sorry, I'm not really feeling. The rest of not really feeling, you know the rest of this. I kind of just want to go home. Or yeah, because if you feel like you can't give someone your best self after you've been triggered like it might be a really, really, really big trigger If you feel like you can't give someone your best self, then the best thing is to just kindly leave the situation, because then your energy is going to be running off, rubbing off on them and like they're going to get in the same kind of headspace as you.
Speaker 2:You don't really want that with other people. So communicating it in a way where it's like if you don't feel comfortable fully communicating it, don't communicate it, but if they're someone that you're safe with, like fully like communicate and just talk through it with a friend. I'll say that because the friend, some friends, surprise you with the way that they deal with things and some people, some friends, can really surprise you with the way that they, with their experiences and and most of the time, literally not even most of the time, all of the time we don't have unique experiences like the thoughts we think in our heads likely have been thought by someone else. Like it's just like when you're on the socials and you're like something comes up and you're like what is this person me, like are they living my life? Because people go through the same shit. We just don't talk about it. Like we have some of the same feelings, anxieties, stresses, even some of the happy moments.
Speaker 2:It's like we all have these similarities but we just don't talk about them enough. It's because you think, no, no one will ever think like that, but people do. It's like no one will ever feel like that, but people do. No, no one's ever experienced that, but people do. There is literally so many people in the world, like the odds of us having a similar experience is like it's not as low as everyone thinks. I don't actually know what the odds are. I'm sure there's a calculation out there but it's yeah, it's really just it's not as we as much as we think we're unique. It's like we have such similarities with other people.
Speaker 2:So sharing your experiences and communicating them, like you'll be surprised, your friend can be like I fucking feel the same way too. And then you guys are just like trauma bonding. It's such a thing, trauma bonding, you like, and it's just like feeling like you're like not the only one out there as well. Like that's why communicating your triggers is like key. Anyway, so that's what the mirror effect is and that's also what like triggers are, like where they, how you can see your triggers and how you can work on them and how triggers are actually like good, because then you can reflect and heal those triggers and you know there's there's different ways to what go about them, as I mentioned, and not every single one of those ways will be perfect for you. There are other things that you might need to go deeper in like you might need to actually go and see a psychologist or go to therapy or, you know, do past life regression, eft, tapping, like something deeper, and that's completely like great, like go do those things if you need them because you want to heal these triggers, and they can be healed, like most of the time they can be healed. They might take time but as long as you're patient with them and give them love and notice that they're there and notice that you've got to move through them, then you'll be moving through all the things.
Speaker 2:And I guess taking this into 2024 like okay, like if you want to really improve your year and you want to make 2024 the year that you just like is different, like this is a really good approach of just like this mirror, like having a look reflecting within yourself, and it's, I suppose, at the end of the year as well, like reflections been like quite the theme of December. Um, yeah, like, or even like thinking back, like have I had any triggers come up for me this year? And like what? Did I ever work through them? Or like did I used to get triggered at anything?
Speaker 2:Um, I used to get triggered at time like really badly when I was young. I always had to be on time and that's something that I worked through um and now I can like look back and I'm like I'm such a different person, like I literally do not care about when I'm going to get to an event or when I'm going to get to like work or anything like that. Like because I've just like it's. I obviously care about when I'm going to get to work, but I don't care in the way. I used to like it used to stress me out, used to get anxiety, used to get all sorts of things, and now I don't. So healing these triggers can be really good, because then they make your life just like. You just get more peace and ideally, at the end of the day, that's all you want is peace. So so, on that note, I'm going to sign off this episode. Um, I hope you have a really good week and I hope that the holiday season is treating you well. See you.