My Knees Creak, My Mind Doesn’t: A Father’s Guide To Your Thirties

A birthday doesn’t make you a grown‑up; context does. We sat down to ask the questions that really matter at thirty and beyond: how do you redefine success without losing your spark, protect your energy without building walls, and find balance when work shouts louder than life? What emerged is a warm, wry conversation about ageing in mind and body, the accelerating feel of time, and the realisation that the thoughts you had at seventeen often sticks around for the long haul.

We talk openly about reshaping success from fame and career milestones to something quieter and sturdier: happiness, craft, and the joy of making things that help people. There’s a lively back‑and‑forth on work identity and boundaries across generations, with one of us living the on‑call reality and the other guarding the nine‑to‑five. Failure gets a rebrand as useful feedback, not a verdict. Love becomes more discerning with age, not smaller. And parenting? The worry never leaves, but listening beats lecturing, and guiding beats controlling.

Health gets the honest treatment it deserves, snack drawer and all, and legacy comes into focus as something anyone can shape through kindness, creativity, and small gestures that ripple. Along the way, you’ll hear the INFJ “door slam,” why being a chameleon can be healthy, and a reminder that turning thirty is not a cliff but a curve. If you’re staring down a milestone or simply rethinking what a good life looks like, this conversation will feel like a deep breath.

If this resonated, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs a boost, and leave a review to help more listeners find us. Your support keeps the conversation going.

Transcript

Warm Welcome And Setup

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hello and welcome to Bonus Dad.

SPEAKER_04 0:02

Bonus Daughter, a special father-daughter podcast with me, Hannah.

SPEAKER_01 0:05

And me, Davy, where we discuss our differences, similarities, share a few laughs and stories. Within our ever-changing and complex world.

SPEAKER_04 0:13

Each week we will discuss a topic from our own point of view. And influences throughout the decades.

SPEAKER_01 0:18

Or you could choose one by contacting us.

SPEAKER_04 0:20

Via email, Instagram, Facebook, or TikTok. Links in bio.

SPEAKER_01 0:25

Sorry.

SPEAKER_04 0:26

You were going like this. But it was so out of time.

SPEAKER_01 0:29

I know. Hello, musician here.

SPEAKER_03 0:34

You were just like.

SPEAKER_01 0:35

Joe would be Joe would be saying, yeah, he always is out of time.

SPEAKER_04 0:39

Yeah, to be fair. I suffer from the same fate, so I can't really say much. Should we start again?

SPEAKER_01 0:45

Just start. Let's start from let's start from 34 seconds in, shall we?

Framing The Big Topic: Life Questions

SPEAKER_04 0:49

I'll do it then, shall I? Hello and welcome to another episode of Bonus Dad, Bonus Water Podcast. We are here today, not live from the from the SETI, because this is pre-recorded. However, we are going to talk about life questions.

SPEAKER_01 1:03

We are. This is another episode. Can you sort your glasses out? They're on the her.

SPEAKER_03 1:10

Are they like that the whole time? I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 1:13

It's like when a dog like has his ear unfolded, and I think, did did you know it's been like that all day?

SPEAKER_01 1:19

Um so yeah, so this is another this is an episode again that you've written.

SPEAKER_04 1:23

We wee.

SPEAKER_01 1:24

You've written this one, and you are going to you're gonna ask me some questions? I'm gonna I do not know the I do not know what these questions are.

SPEAKER_04 1:31

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:33

What is this? So what are they what are these questions? What actually are they?

SPEAKER_04 1:37

So we joke a lot about we joke.

SPEAKER_01 1:42

What's going on? Are you alright?

SPEAKER_04 1:44

Just having a little bit of a brain malfunction.

SPEAKER_01 1:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:47

Let's start with the script. I'll I'll read it. I'll prop I'll properly read it this week.

SPEAKER_01 1:51

This is what happens when I don't do the script. I know, I know it goes wrong.

SPEAKER_04 1:54

I know, I'm so sorry. I'm not I'm better at living than I am scripting.

SPEAKER_01 1:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:58

So we joke a lot on this show, uh, but today I thought we'd do something different. And what I wanted to do is ask you the things that you wish you knew going into your golden years of being 30 years old.

SPEAKER_01 2:12

Oh, oh, okay. 30 years ago. 30 years old, so that was 20 years ago.

SPEAKER_04 2:17

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 2:17

Okay. Oh, what of course because you are now going into your 30s.

SPEAKER_04 2:21

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 2:21

You want some advice from me?

SPEAKER_04 2:24

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 2:24

Are you sure?

SPEAKER_04 2:26

This is kind of what this podcast is about.

SPEAKER_01 2:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 2:28

Father-daughter time. So it's kind of the stuff that you can't learn from books, and stuff that only comes from experiencing time in the real world.

SPEAKER_01 2:39

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 2:39

Um, so so yeah, I thought I'd I'd knock out the first one. How do you feel about spoons? Not kidding.

SPEAKER_01 2:45

Oh my god, yeah. So I'll shall I do it just for love. Yeah. So we were obviously this sorry, YouTube people, you're not going to be able to see this, but I've just been I've or hear this.

SPEAKER_03 2:55

They can see it all fine.

SPEAKER_01 2:56

Yeah, I've just been playing around with the roadcaster because for some reason I was trying to assign the vocal effects to Hannah's mic, and I I just I don't know how to do it. So I put on uh one of the voices, and one of the voices is the pitch-up, which is this voice.

SPEAKER_02 3:11

Yeah. And when I started talking in this voice a little while ago, Hannah said that I sounded like salad fingers. So I started doing a few salad fingers impressions.

SPEAKER_04 3:21

Are you changing your voice again?

SPEAKER_02 3:23

I am.

SPEAKER_04 3:24

No, the thing is that I can hear the salad voice, and our audio listeners couldn't hear. It's you're coming through this. Oh, I'm coming through. I can hear myself. Yeah, so I was I've I could I can hear myself. I can hear myself so bad that I can't I've lost my trailer form. But yeah, you sound like salad fingers, so I got you to um say a few salad fingers quotes. So I'm very sorry, YouTubers, we won't be able to have this on here, but yeah, but check out the Spotify because it's quite funny.

SPEAKER_02 3:51

Jeremy Fisher.

SPEAKER_04 3:53

You've been a very naughty boy. Talk about your rusty spoons.

SPEAKER_03 3:59

Oh, salad fingers laughing is not on the bingo card for 2025.

SPEAKER_02 4:04

Would you like to see my rusty spoon?

SPEAKER_01 4:08

Oh for those of you who don't know what salad fingers is, look it up on YouTube.

SPEAKER_04 4:12

No, don't look it up. You will childhood trauma. We just had an episode on memories.

SPEAKER_01 4:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:17

Childhood trauma is salad fingers for me.

SPEAKER_01 4:19

Yeah, there you go. There you go.

SPEAKER_04 4:21

That was made by a dark soul. It was indeed.

SPEAKER_01 4:23

It was indeed.

SPEAKER_04 4:24

Is it Creepy Pasta? No. No, I don't think it's a good thing.

SPEAKER_01 4:26

I think it's creepy creepypasta, no.

SPEAKER_04 4:28

I think his name might be Salad Fingers. I don't know what else he did.

SPEAKER_01 4:31

I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 4:32

Jeremy Fisher.

SPEAKER_00 4:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:35

Jeremy Fisher, you've been a very naughty boy.

SPEAKER_04 4:39

It was when, like, he just uh it's just it's basically for those that don't know what Salad Fingers is, it's basically a really rough and ready cartoon.

SPEAKER_00 4:48

It's a very dark animation.

SPEAKER_04 4:50

Dark animation of a guy who is very disturbed. Yeah, it's in a very fictitious disturbed world.

SPEAKER_01 4:57

Yeah, it's it's a it's a very it's just very strange. It's very it's very interesting to watch, but it's just very, very strange. Very strange. I wouldn't even go as interesting as just you you're the one who got me onto it.

SPEAKER_04 5:06

I know yes.

SPEAKER_01 5:07

And so you've got to watch this.

SPEAKER_04 5:08

Salad Fingers came out the same time as the ASDF movie, which is like the complete opposite in terms of animation and funny. Yeah. Uh Tomska.

SPEAKER_01 5:17

Tom Ska, yes. Tom Ska. Yeah. Benji's met Tom Ska, you know?

SPEAKER_04 5:20

Oh, that's that's that's dope. Um but also um I really love his series. It's like Meanwhile in the parallel universe, arts meanwhile is so good.

SPEAKER_03 5:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:28

If you think about tits, your head will your head will flip to the ceiling.

SPEAKER_03 5:32

Help, I'm stuck on the ceiling. It's just so good.

SPEAKER_04 5:34

It's just stupid humour that just really pushes the right buttons for me. Anyway.

SPEAKER_00 5:38

You're gonna ask me some questions.

SPEAKER_04 5:40

I am gonna ask you some questions, not about salad fingers or ASDF movies. However, which one is your favourite favourite ASDF movie sketch?

SPEAKER_01 5:47

Oh my god. The f I like trains.

SPEAKER_04 5:50

Oh, see that no, that's that's basic bit. You've got to choose another one.

SPEAKER_01 5:54

Oh no, I like trains.

SPEAKER_04 5:55

I quite like um my favourite is um goodbye, cruel world. Okay, Jim, I'll see you around. I can't understand what I thought I meant by that at all. Yeah, that's it. Find me more jewellery. Honey, why is the baby on fire? Find me more jewellery. Honey, do you like my new shoes? You're a chair, darling. I can dream, Harold. I wonder when this episode, this this podcast would ever go into me quoting ASTS. Um big fan of Tomska if you're listening to this, which I highly doubt. But if you are, I'm a huge fan. Um anyway. Yes, you're gonna ask me some questions. I'll say fan girl I've over Tomska.

SPEAKER_01 6:33

You're gonna ask me some questions.

SPEAKER_04 6:34

Yes, I have some very, very adult questions, not adult, I don't know why I said that, very mature questions, I should say. Um so in five categories, okay. We've got aging and perspective, career and purpose, relationships and family, health and mindset, okay, and legacy and life lessons.

SPEAKER_00 6:53

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 6:55

Are you ready to be the nation's father?

SPEAKER_01 6:58

Yes, the nation's father. I couldn't think of anyone more unqualified for that role. That's like having Trump as a US president.

SPEAKER_03 7:09

Oh, he said it. Oh, we've gone political. Will you always stay away from politics? This is not a politics-driven episode.

SPEAKER_01 7:19

Sorry, it was a joke, lol.

SPEAKER_04 7:23

Fake news.

SPEAKER_01 7:24

Fake news.

Ageing Mindset And The Speed Of Time

SPEAKER_04 7:25

Um, right, um so um what surprised you the most about getting older?

SPEAKER_01 7:30

What surprised me the most about getting older?

SPEAKER_04 7:33

So Davy has not prepared any of the answers to these questions.

SPEAKER_01 7:36

So um I'm literally off the cuff here.

SPEAKER_04 7:38

Yeah. Um if you need a few minutes to think about it, we can always cut the dead space out.

SPEAKER_01 7:43

So yeah, so what surprised me the most about getting older? Yes. I think probably what surprised me the most is my mind has stayed the same.

SPEAKER_04 7:51

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 7:52

In the fact when I say my mind, oh no, I would say that my mind has got more mature with certain things, but I would I I think it's I think it's probably the first- You've stayed true to yourself?

SPEAKER_04 8:05

Is that about it?

SPEAKER_01 8:05

I've stayed true to my ideals, that I've stayed true to I think I don't think a lot of people can say that. So that's commendable? Yeah, and I'd also probably say what surprised me uh well one thing that has surprised me is how fast, how much quicker time gets as you get older.

SPEAKER_04 8:23

Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:24

That and I know that's a relative thing because when you're younger, you're only alive for a short amount of time, so time seems to be elongated by the time.

SPEAKER_04 8:30

That's exactly why it feels like it's exactly.

SPEAKER_01 8:32

So that is that is why it is. So it's it's not really it shouldn't be a surprise, but I think it is a surprise. But also, I think one of the surprises when I was younger, you'd look at someone who was older and you'd think they'd have a certain mindset and they would think like an old person. I don't. I still think the same thing as when I did when I was 16, 17 years old, you know, in the way that I still, you know, I still dream, I still think there's things I want to do with my life, and I'm 50 years old. I know I'm not going to be able to do them. I mean, one of the things that you know, it's it's like being when I was on stage, you know, it suddenly dawned on me, my body is 50 years old, and I can't do the same things that I thought I I could do when I can't do them splits anymore. I can't. And I think that's probably one of the things that surprises me, is that my mind still wants to do things. I still want to do this, but my body is saying, nah, mate.

SPEAKER_05 9:19

I'm gonna make you creak instead.

SPEAKER_01 9:21

Yeah, I I think the other thing that surprises me as well is the noises that I've started making when I get out of bed. And getting up, the the noises sort of right, you know, that's those noises, yeah. No, I think the big I think the biggest thing is that that mind is that my mind, I still think like as though I was in my twenties. Should we say that?

SPEAKER_04 9:44

Got you, got you.

SPEAKER_01 9:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:45

Um so on that vein, actually, when you turned 30, did you feel grown up?

SPEAKER_03 9:50

No, I don't feel grown up now. Asking for me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:56

No, I literally don't. I mean, I I sometimes I look at myself sometimes in the mirror and see this this face, and I think that's not my mind.

SPEAKER_04 10:07

Okay, you think you look old.

SPEAKER_01 10:09

I think I think I'd think I look old. Really? Yeah, I do. That's part of the reason why I've still got the beard, because one, the day to shave the beard off, and I'm gonna look very youthful. No, I'm really not, am I? It's just that that look you're giving me is saying no you.

SPEAKER_04 10:21

I think you'd look like Denwy if you You said I'd look like my dad.

SPEAKER_01 10:23

Yeah. You think?

SPEAKER_04 10:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:25

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_04 10:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:26

Um but no, I don't I I there was no it wasn't like Kevin Perry. I'm an adult now. Yeah, there's no Kevin Perry moment, like you know, we turned into a teenager from being a you won't get that reference with Harry over. Um like you know, you hit 30 and suddenly, oh I mean, I don't know. No.

SPEAKER_04 10:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 10:43

No, I no, I still I still feel quite young now. So I don't feel like a grown up. I would encourage everyone to continue to do that as well. I think don't ever grow up.

SPEAKER_04 10:54

I think for me, even at 30, I feel sometimes like I'm old, but in other settings so young, depending on the context. Yeah. I'm around Mitchell's siblings and I think, God, I'm old. And then I'm around my work colleagues who are all 10 years plus older than me, and and I'm like, oh, I'm one of the I'm I'm the baby of this, like, you know, I'm the youngest employee currently. Like, it's it's it's crazy to me. I just ever wondered if there was ever a point in your life where damn it, I'm an adult now.

SPEAKER_01 11:25

No, I think you made I think you've made a really good point there, as well as like depending on where you are and who you're with.

SPEAKER_04 11:32

It's a context.

Feeling Grown Up And Context Shifts

SPEAKER_01 11:33

I mean, I am a bit of a comedian, so in the fact that depending on which social setting I'm in, I'm different people.

SPEAKER_04 11:38

A comedian a chameleon. A comedian. A chameleon, sorry.

SPEAKER_01 11:41

I am I am so many different people.

SPEAKER_04 11:42

I've literally got you in my ears and I misheard you. I don't know how I manage that.

SPEAKER_01 11:46

In that depending on who I'm with, is there's a different which we all are to a degree. We all adjust our personalities to to whatever setting we're in. Yeah. But mine does go extremes.

SPEAKER_04 11:56

Do you think your priorities shifted between the ages of 30 and 50 in the last 20 years?

SPEAKER_01 12:02

No.

SPEAKER_04 12:02

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 12:03

No, no, not my priorities.

SPEAKER_04 12:04

Not your priorities.

SPEAKER_01 12:05

Not my priorities because in my 30s, I was my priority has always been you and your mum. That's always always happening.

SPEAKER_04 12:12

I guess we were there prior.

SPEAKER_01 12:14

Yeah. So and that that's still my priority is you two.

SPEAKER_04 12:18

Dude. I know, thank you. What does the word success mean to you now versus what success meant to you at 30?

SPEAKER_01 12:28

I will actually say that has changed.

SPEAKER_04 12:31

Oh, I would say that's changed. I'm not trying to call you out on the previous questions, but no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_01 12:35

That's not my intention here. No, because no, because that that's a different that is a different variation. That's still my mindset and how I think your mindset is still the same. But my version of success has probably has changed. So when I was when I was in my 20s, my version was sort of being at school growing up and then into my twenties, my version of success was successful actor, musician, fame, da da da da da. Sure. Now that's not my version. My my version of success is now literally being happy. Yeah. That's how I would be.

SPEAKER_04 13:07

But although being rich in another way.

SPEAKER_01 13:09

Being rich in another way. I get you. But it wasn't even being rich in my twenties.

SPEAKER_04 13:12

That wasn't I I didn't mean I meant rich in life. Yeah. Sorry. I didn't mean that in a monetary value.

SPEAKER_01 13:17

But I think yeah, I think you know, there's a really famous, there's a famous John Lennon quote, isn't there?

SPEAKER_04 13:24

So when when he If you say it, I might know it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:27

And I don't know how true this is, and I don't know if this actually did happen, but it's been attributed to John Lennon, where he was in where he was in school, and the teacher said, What do you want to be when you grow up? And John Lennon purportedly turned around and said, Well, I want to be happy. And the teacher said, No, I don't think you understand the question. That's not what I meant. And apparently John Lennon turned around and said, No, I don't think you're the one who's not understanding the question. Quite quite deep there. Whether that actually happened, I don't know, is up for debate.

SPEAKER_04 13:54

I mean that sounds so made up there.

SPEAKER_01 13:57

Yeah, exactly. But that is quite true.

SPEAKER_04 14:00

Yeah, I think it sounds too grown up for the thing.

SPEAKER_01 14:03

I think my my I think I've I've come more to the acceptance that I'm not gonna be uh as success. Don't get me wrong, I've been successful in my musical career and I'm very happy with the success that I've had in my musical career, but I think I'm now at the stage where my version of success is it's not that anymore. It it's that that has shifted slightly. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_04 14:26

Yeah, I think so. I think what you're saying is what you deemed as successful then is not what you deem as is successful now. Success to you now is happiness, success then was making a career of yourself, but you've already completed that, I guess. You know, it's making a name of yourself. Uh if you want to be a famous actor, that's changed into maybe a famous musician. And so you're still famous in a sense. So that success is is become more realistic. I think maybe that's the the expectation has become more realistic to what you could achieve.

SPEAKER_01 14:53

Yeah, uh and I think that the um actually saying that though, because I have kind of gone on to the you know, because I'm now starting voice acting. Yeah. So I'm kind of still going down that road. So so in in in aspect, I'm it's it's still that that creative. So I'm still there. That's now I'm thinking I want to be a successful voice actor. So, you know. Yeah. There we go. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:14

Are you okay there?

SPEAKER_01 15:14

Yeah, yeah. No, I was um I can the the D S was the the time was giving me comfort and yeah, sorry, sorry. I was just trying to turn the DSer off a little bit because of the S's uh clicking in my ear. That was all right.

SPEAKER_04 15:26

Okay, okay. Do you feel more comfortable in your own skin at 50 than you did in your skin at 30, or has that not changed? Have you always felt comfortable in your skin?

SPEAKER_01 15:34

I've always felt comfortable in my skin. I thought so. Yeah, I've always I chucked it in there as a Yeah, I've all I've always felt happy with the way that I look.

Priorities, Success, And Redefining Winning

SPEAKER_04 15:42

Oh, we know. What do you mean? Um so moving on to uh career. Moving on to career and purpose. Um what do you wish you'd known about work life balance in your 30s that you might know now, if you know any at all?

SPEAKER_01 16:01

Okay, so I'm my own worst enemy here on work because I do kind of throw myself into work and I get I'm very when I get focused on something, I'm very focused on that.

SPEAKER_04 16:14

I think that's a very generational thing as well. I'm not saying that I'm not focused at work. I think millennials and then as going down even to Gen Z and now we're coming up to Gen Alpha. Yeah, what I'm noticing is that people of your age want to burn out and burn out and burn out because they have to put their heart and soul into things. I think millennials are starting to realise that that's not actually all to life. Uh if I may, if I may be so brash and bold, and I think maybe Gen Z's gone too much the other way.

SPEAKER_00 16:44

Yeah, no, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:45

Um, and I only know this, and I I'm and I am I I am tarring everyone with the same brush as I'm saying this, and I am painting millennials in a slightly larger light, but I often hear from the older generations that we're the lazy ones, and I'm like, mm-hmm. Have you seen the next generation come up by this? Yeah, no, I'm not sure. We're just we're just noticing that there is a better way of going through work and life. I feel like you guys had a very much like live-to-work uh mindset. I still have. I still have I have more of a work-to-live mindset. Yeah, I'm more likely compared to my other colleagues to actually take my lunch break, even though I'm rubbish at taking my lunch break, you know. There's there's there's certain things I do. I'm not working past five, you know, whereas your generation are more likely to Oh, I'm working all the time. Yeah, you see, um, whereas I'm trying to set my own boundaries of getting out of that thinking, but still applying myself 100% in the time that I'm paid for, you know, just getting a bit more, you know, this is what you pay me for, and this is when, you know, I'll work up until. I think this might be a generational difference kind of question. But I was interested to know if if you're getting round to my closer to my mindset or if you're still stuck in your tracks.

SPEAKER_01 17:56

I'm I think I'm still stuck in my tracks on that one. Um the reason the reason being I think it's just because of the nature of my job. Yeah, you've got I've got I've got I've got a very unique job.

SPEAKER_04 18:06

You do have a unique job in that sense.

SPEAKER_01 18:08

Things could happen at any point in the world.

SPEAKER_04 18:09

It's not just a corporate nine to five.

SPEAKER_01 18:11

No.

SPEAKER_04 18:11

Uh, which is where I'm I guess I'm coming from. So I guess actually, answer to this question is it's more of a context.

SPEAKER_01 18:16

It is more of a context. It is more of a context. Because remember, in certain aspects of my job, I'm I'm a slave to something that might happen.

SPEAKER_04 18:24

Yeah. Were there moments when you realised that your job wasn't your identity?

SPEAKER_01 18:28

Oh yeah. Yeah. My job is not my identity. I think I already touched on this before when I say I'm a chameleon. Yeah. And the fact that the person I am at work is not the person I am on stage. Yeah. It's not the person I am with you. It's not the person I mean, I said in the in in the previous episode when you said I went into work mode. I do, I can flip between those personalities. And I think And and it can I can do it instantly.

SPEAKER_04 18:52

I think the reason I wrote this question was because my job, a lot of I I see a lot of a lot of shit, basically, on LinkedIn.

SPEAKER_05 19:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 19:01

And I see when I when I look at the people on there, I'm thinking they're writing, you know, they're going here, there and everywhere, they're doing this part for this job and this this for their job and this for their job. And I'm thinking, that's great for you. Where is your family in all of this? Like, where is your fun time? Where is your where is your holidays? Where is your where are you living? It feels like, and I know it's a very I know I'm only seeing a segment of that person's life because it's social media is is the same thing. I I understand that. But also, don't forget, I also go to these places with these people when they're in those work conferences and then I talk to them in person. I think, you are exactly how you're like on LinkedIn.

SPEAKER_01 19:37

Yeah, but again you are the same person. Is is that not them showing their persona that they've given out on LinkedIn? Is that not them being a chameleon themselves?

Work Identity, Boundaries, And Generational Takes

SPEAKER_04 19:46

Perhaps. I'm but uh from what I see, even when you talk to them about when you ask them, oh you know, you know, where have you come from? You know, have you got family there and it's it's so it's so not a topic that's broached at all. Like it feels it feels very much to me, maybe they want to keep those things separately and I respect it to that uh completely 100%. But sometimes I'm talking to them and I just think you have nothing else going on, have you? Like this is all you this is your life. This is your life, this is your life, and there's nothing wrong with that, and I'm not saying there is, but sometimes I think, oh god, I'd love to see you just break out of your your soup.

SPEAKER_01 20:24

Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

SPEAKER_04 20:25

And just I don't mean that in a crude way, I just mean like, you know, I wonder what would you go like, I don't know, put some roller skates on down to funky monkeys at Norwich, like you know, would you do monkeys? I don't know, like I'm just like, you know, would would that ever be and I and I sometimes think when I see when I see those people and I see them on LinkedIn, I was like, oh, I must only see this part of them. Then I meet them in person, I'm like, no, this this is all you are.

SPEAKER_05 20:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:49

And I and I again I think it might be a generational thing, but I I think, oh, there's so much more to life.

SPEAKER_01 20:55

Well, the thing is like like with with my with my generation, talking about my generation, um, like with Gen X, I mean there is and this is so true, and it kind of almost touches on the same subject, the same as question one, as like you know, Gen X is the only generation that were 50 when they were five, and or 30 when they were five, and still 30 when they're 50. Yeah. Because we we do we have that and I think that is a very generational thing. We are the forgotten generation. We are we are we're the we're the forgotten generation. No one gives a shit about gen X. But do you know what? We don't care.

SPEAKER_04 21:33

Well, speaking of failure, yeah, um, how did you learn to deal with failure or uncertainty within very early on in life career and purpose?

SPEAKER_01 21:42

It's life is one constant failure.

SPEAKER_04 21:45

Is there any tips that you would give to people um 30 or above, I guess?

SPEAKER_01 21:51

Um there is no failure. There is no failure, it's just a way not to do something. Just come at it from a different angle.

SPEAKER_04 21:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:59

That's the that's the best way. Do you know what?

SPEAKER_04 22:01

So that was like straight out of a motivational book.

SPEAKER_01 22:04

Exactly, exactly. But no, I know, but it is true, it is true to a degree. So I mean, it's even the word itself, failure, is is so negative. It's like, okay, it's just you just found some way not to do something. I mean, honestly, I in all throughout my life, it's been failure after failure after failure. It's like, okay, so that's not worked, but I've still got that kind of I'm a stubborn but I I'm aware. Yeah, I am when when I when I want something, when I want to do something, I will get there.

SPEAKER_04 22:36

You will get your room.

SPEAKER_01 22:38

I will get my room. Um I will, I will, Charon. We will have my room. So I will think, right, okay, so I'm not gonna get that you doing that way, so I'll come at it from a different angle. And I do that all the time. All the time.

SPEAKER_04 22:53

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 22:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 22:54

So we're gonna move on to relationships and family.

SPEAKER_01 22:57

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 22:57

This seems like a great topic for us. What did you learn about love in your 30s?

SPEAKER_01 23:05

What did I learn about love in your 30s? In my 30s.

SPEAKER_04 23:07

Yeah, compared to your younger love.

SPEAKER_01 23:10

Ooh.

SPEAKER_04 23:12

And can I may I, may I, may I, maybe to help you just have some thinking time. Um the reason I wrote this question was because I was thinking about your gig and I was thinking about the song that you wrote, um, anyone but me.

SPEAKER_01 23:27

Oh yeah, but that's a joke.

SPEAKER_04 23:28

I know it's a joke. I know it's a joke. But it actually posed an important question of how because you wrote that when you what, ten years ago? So god, yeah, yeah. Exactly. So so I'm just wondering how your thoughts about love changed from when you were young to now.

SPEAKER_00 23:48

Yeah, I see.

SPEAKER_04 23:49

Maybe maybe me putting it in the 30s was perhaps just tying it into the episode, but I'm wondering how the perception of love has changed over time.

SPEAKER_01 23:57

I think I'm a bit more cautious when it comes to the word love.

SPEAKER_04 24:02

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_01 24:03

Yeah. Because love I've you know, when you when you're when you're younger, and I'm not just talking about romantic love, I'm talking about love in general. You know, I don't mean as romantically. Yeah, not a romantic. A gener a love of things, a love of family. I'm very guarded when it comes to love because I've lost a lot of things.

SPEAKER_03 24:24

I know spoken like a true 50-year-old.

SPEAKER_01 24:26

Yeah, I know, but it's like I'm very cautious of what I give myself to. Shall we say that?

SPEAKER_04 24:33

It's better to have loved than to have not loved at all.

Failure, Resilience, And Trying New Angles

SPEAKER_01 24:36

Yes, but at the same time, at the same time, it hurts. Yes, yes. So it you know, I've I've been well Is that Bob Dillander linked? Yeah, it is, yeah. But that going too much into into too much uh and and going like violins out and whatever. But when you've and when I say heartbroken, I'm not saying just like romantically, but when you've had that a love of things torn away from you so many times, you get that kind of numbness, that kind of I mean quite quite some you could almost argue that I am quite hard in that respect.

SPEAKER_04 25:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:16

That I don't give myself out very easily because of- You've got the tortoises shell. Exactly, because I you know be yourself in squeegee.

SPEAKER_04 25:24

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 25:25

Whereas I used I used to be you could argue that I used to be a lot more not not loving.

SPEAKER_04 25:30

I am still I'd still like to think I'm loving, but you are more reserved in giving that love out.

SPEAKER_01 25:36

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 25:36

And trusting.

SPEAKER_01 25:37

Yeah, I'm I I don't trust anyone.

SPEAKER_04 25:39

I know you don't.

SPEAKER_01 25:40

I don't trust anyone.

SPEAKER_04 25:41

Sometimes I wonder if you trust me.

SPEAKER_01 25:42

I tr actually I do trust you. I trust you, and I trust your mum. I I do trust. There's certain things, but at the same time, I'm very I'm always I I'm very much worst-case scenario person all the time.

SPEAKER_04 25:53

And I think that you've installed that in me a little bit, actually.

SPEAKER_01 25:55

I'm always like, what could go wrong? Yes, at the worst case. Yeah. Like the thing is I said this at work the other day to somebody, and it's like I said, I said, my biggest problem, or like most people start to think about steps one and two and don't think I'm on step ten instantly.

SPEAKER_03 26:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:11

I'm like, what could go wrong at that step? You're on the chess mode. Yeah, and how am I gonna mitigate that not going wrong to that point?

SPEAKER_03 26:18

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:19

You know, that's how that is how my mind works. And do you know what it's horrible? Yeah, to be constantly a little unpleasant. To be constantly risk assessing every single part of my work life, my personal life, everything. Yeah, my I'm always like, uh what could go wrong? And how am I gonna stop that from going wrong?

SPEAKER_06 26:39

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:40

And the worst thing is is when I'm right. I knew this was gonna go wrong. Yeah, it's like that's the thing, is that's why like you always think of the worst case scenario, and anything else is a bonus.

SPEAKER_03 26:50

Yeah, pretty much. What a lovely glass half full kind of approach to that.

SPEAKER_01 26:56

My glass ain't even full, the bloody thing's cracked. The glass is cracked, and the water is seeping out of the bottom, and there's chips of glass on the floor that's gonna end up on your foot. That's that's my outlook on life. And then you do that and you trip over and bang your head on the wall. And then you're dead. And there's a nail in the wall, and that's in your forehead. You know, that's that's yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 27:19

I'm getting it, I'm getting I'm getting the narrative. Yeah. It's self-lobotomized.

SPEAKER_01 27:23

Yeah, it's the uh it's the story of Fred.

SPEAKER_04 27:26

Yes, yeah.

Love, Guarded Hearts, And Trust

SPEAKER_01 27:27

That is a great game. If you ever want to play that game, we it's a game that I made up, it's called Fred. And what you what you have to do is you you have to you put your you put Fred. So Fred wakes up in the morning, and you have to put you know, and you have to put Fred into a dangerous situation. And then once Fred is in that dangerous situation, the next person has to get Fred out of that dangerous situation by any means. You can do whatever you want, it's complete creative freedom, but then put them into another dangerous situation, and then the next person has to do the same, and you keep going round, and it gets hilarious.

SPEAKER_04 28:01

Yeah, and that was never traumatic as a child. Poor Fred. Yeah, but luckily for Freddie Yeah, luckily for Fred was the line, wasn't it? That was one of the change in the story.

SPEAKER_01 28:10

Yeah, it was a great, it was it's a brilliant game, it's really fun.

SPEAKER_04 28:14

Um, other than creating a game, we should play Fred. We should play Fred.

SPEAKER_01 28:18

We should play Fred on the podcast.

SPEAKER_04 28:20

So other than them playing games, how did becoming a dad change your perspective on life?

SPEAKER_01 28:25

Uh I think it probably made not the term reckless is probably the wrong the wrong term to use, but I think it focused me a little bit in the fact that I realized there was someone else who needed me, like like really needed me.

SPEAKER_04 28:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:45

And I think I was a little bit more okay, I just need to buck up my ideas.

SPEAKER_03 28:49

No, no, no, no, yeah, not buck up, but I think I had to act more of an adult.

SPEAKER_01 28:56

Another personality was formed within that. That chameleon then formed another personality. Got it, got it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 29:02

Were there friendships you outgrew or reconnected with in between 30 and 50 that you were friends with prior to 30? Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00 29:11

Yeah, that does yeah, it does make sense.

SPEAKER_04 29:12

Have you ever rekindled a relationship and uh were there any relationships that you felt you outgrew? No, not really.

SPEAKER_01 29:19

Right, okay, I'm gonna gender it now. And I think this is a very male Okay.

SPEAKER_04 29:24

This is a very I did wonder when I wrote this question, actually.

SPEAKER_01 29:26

Yeah, I think this is a very male thing. So, like me with my friends, I know that I could probably go ten years without talking to a friend and then give them a call, and it's like we hadn't we'd we'd been speaking the entire time. Yeah, I really do.

SPEAKER_04 29:39

I do have friends like that, but it I think it is harder for women to Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:45

It's like okay, so let's take Dom for example. Okay, so Dom was my best friend at school, right? And I know like I didn't speak to Dom for years and years and years, and then we connected on Facebook, and it was like we never not talked. And I know I could like make Message him now or or whatever. Same as Ed. And Ed listens to this Ed listens to the podcast, right? Dom listens to the podcast, yeah. Ed, Ed was a real Ed's a really good mate of mine at school. Really good mate of mine at school.

SPEAKER_04 30:12

But you could go years without.

SPEAKER_01 30:13

Yeah, and I know I could message him now and we just have a great conversation. Yeah. I have had people from college message me out of the blue and just and we just started up the conversation again. Probably haven't spoken to him for 20 years.

SPEAKER_04 30:24

Yeah. There's no hurt that you hadn't messaged each other prior. None at all. Because I feel like that is with women. There's almost like a little bit of a generally speaking, there is a little bit of a oh well, you don't really care.

SPEAKER_01 30:35

Yeah. Yeah, none none at all. None at all. Yeah. And and then there'll be other people.

SPEAKER_04 30:40

A lot easier.

SPEAKER_01 30:41

Yeah. And then yeah, then I might get a message from Joel. Hi lovely. I've not heard from you this week.

unknown 30:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 30:48

I think I think it does depend on the person. Yeah. I've got friends that's uh Sophie Gibbons, for example. I could not message her for two years and then just again, like you said, start uh you know spark up a conversation. But I've got someone that I message almost daily, you know.

SPEAKER_01 31:02

It's it's oh by the way, Joel wants to come on the podcast.

SPEAKER_04 31:05

Oh, so I heard.

SPEAKER_01 31:08

Yeah, that that will be a funny episode. Yeah. I love Joel. Drummer of Youth killed it. And and on Joey Jams as well.

SPEAKER_04 31:15

Jolie Jams. Jolie Jams.

SPEAKER_01 31:16

I did say to him we have to buy uh he messaged me yesterday. Have you bought your tickets yet? No, Joel, not yet, mate. I will. I prom Joel Joel, just in case you listen to it, I promise, mate, I'm gonna definitely get the tickets for the game.

SPEAKER_04 31:27

It's on film and it's recorded.

Parenting Worry And Listening As A Superpower

SPEAKER_01 31:29

Hannah's coming as well. Hannah's coming to the gig. Am I? Yeah. Which one? You've killed it.

SPEAKER_04 31:33

When?

SPEAKER_01 31:34

Uh I think it's April.

SPEAKER_04 31:35

You've not checked if I'm free.

SPEAKER_01 31:36

Yeah, but you will be.

SPEAKER_04 31:37

Okay, apparently. Apparently I'm coming too.

SPEAKER_01 31:39

Yeah, you're coming, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 31:40

Okay, so last question on uh friendships and family before we move on.

SPEAKER_01 31:44

Yields.

SPEAKER_04 31:45

What do you think is the hardest thing about being a parent at any age? And is it when they go across the road when you've said no?

SPEAKER_01 31:53

That would be it. But the hardest thing is I think do you know what? It changes.

SPEAKER_04 31:59

Okay. Depending on the age of the child?

SPEAKER_01 32:01

Depending on yeah, depending on the age of the child. Because you worry the thing that doesn't change is the worry. Yeah. I had a female is the worry. It's it's and I think my my my biggest worry for you was what how you were going to turn out as an adult. Not in I don't mean like how you're gonna turn out, that sounds the wrong thing. But your happiness. She's from the wrong side. No, it's to be like your happiness, just to want I've always wanted you to be happy, and that's it. Whatever you did, you know I've never I'd never judge anything. All I've ever wished is what's best for you. And I think the hardest thing is is getting that right.

SPEAKER_03 32:35

Oh that's quite sweet, really.

SPEAKER_01 32:37

Yeah. Because it's not easy. There's no frickin' rule book.

SPEAKER_04 32:41

I think that's what annoys me about parenting.

SPEAKER_01 32:43

There's no rule book. Well, you have to be, depending on the child, you have to be you have to flex.

SPEAKER_04 32:47

I think you have to flex, but I think that's the annoying part for me, is that there's no one set way, and someone knows better than the other person, someone knows better than the other person. Breast is best. Well, isn't it better if the baby's actually just fed? Like, I don't know. I I could say more many things about this, but I just always feel like, especially at that pregnancy and like young, newborn stage, everyone seems to have an opinion on what I know you didn't get me in the newborn stage, but I'm just saying, like, you know, everyone seems to have an opinion on this, opinion on that, blah, blah, blah. Oh my god, the kid is alive, happy. Exactly. Isn't that the main thing?

SPEAKER_01 33:17

Do you know what I would say? The the what and I know this is very simplification. The one of the best things that you can do to parent is listen to your child. Simple as that. Simple. Just listen.

SPEAKER_04 33:28

I do talk a load of shit sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 33:29

Yeah, I know, but you still listen. Not hear, you listen.

SPEAKER_04 33:34

You listen.

SPEAKER_01 33:35

Very and guide. Don't tell guide.

SPEAKER_04 33:39

Guide. Guide.

SPEAKER_01 33:40

Listen and guide.

SPEAKER_04 33:42

Gonna move on to health and mindset area of which is not your area of expertise. This is not my forte. So don't worry, you've only got three questions instead of the five.

SPEAKER_01 33:52

This is not my forte, eh?

SPEAKER_04 33:54

Is there anything you wish you'd started taking more seriously earlier? Health. Including physical or mental health.

SPEAKER_01 34:00

Both.

SPEAKER_04 34:01

Fair enough. Yeah, both. Easier said than done.

SPEAKER_01 34:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 34:04

I'll move on. How do you stay motivated now compared to when you were younger to be my healthy?

SPEAKER_01 34:11

How do how what how do I stay motivated to be healthy? I don't. Do you know what? Do you know what?

SPEAKER_03 34:22

I knew this would be the funniest segment of this podcast episode. So in my office, right, I have a drawer. Is it the snack drawer?

Health Habits, Snack Drawers, And Reality

SPEAKER_01 34:33

The snack drawer. And Andy, right, Andy, calls it, he calls it Arkwright's Till. Because there's everything in there. Right. Whatever. And yesterday, I I was like, I was I was hungry at like 10 o'clock in the morning. And I was like, oh, I've got my rolls in the fridge. I can't eat them yet. It's not really lunchtime. Shouldn't really be eating, you know, my lunch this early. This is how my mind went, right? And it's so wrong. It's funny. I thought, yeah. Lunch isn't till about 12 one-ish. I'm hungry now. I can't eat my rolls, otherwise I'll eat my lunch at 10 o'clock in the morning. I know what's in the drawer. Oh, I'll have three Rocky bars.

SPEAKER_06 35:11

Three?

SPEAKER_01 35:14

The little ones. But I was eating the second, I did the third one. I was like, this really isn't a good breakfast, is it?

SPEAKER_03 35:21

Three Rocky bars. That's insane, man.

SPEAKER_01 35:24

And I looked in the drawer and I was like, that's just terrible. That's just really bad. But to be fair though, so I eat shit, I eat shit during the day, but at night time I do cook for me and your mum. Yeah. Because I do all the cooking.

SPEAKER_04 35:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:37

I do all the cooking. So we do eat relatively healthy at night, but it's just during the day. Because again, because I don't really get a lunch break. It's convenience food, yeah. Because I don't really get a lunch break as such. I'll just eat where I can. And because of that, I eat crap.

SPEAKER_04 35:50

So do you think your habits or routines have changed a lot with age, or have they just stayed with babies?

SPEAKER_03 35:56

Of eating dried noodles.

SPEAKER_01 35:58

Well, that's it. I mean, from my college day, it was pasta. Yeah. Yeah, literally living off pasta and tomato sauce because that's all we could really afford.

SPEAKER_04 36:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:06

And just eating, yeah, noodle super noodles. I mean, how nutritious are they? Well, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 36:10

At least you were fed though.

SPEAKER_01 36:11

Fueled by Raymond.

SPEAKER_04 36:14

Okay, coming up to the last part. This is the legacy and life lessons.

SPEAKER_01 36:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 36:19

So this is where you could get philosophical on us.

SPEAKER_01 36:21

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_04 36:22

What's something you learned the hard way that you'd want me or our listeners to skip?

SPEAKER_01 36:27

Something I learned caring too much. Oh.

SPEAKER_04 36:32

Too much.

SPEAKER_01 36:33

Caring too much. Sometimes.

SPEAKER_04 36:36

Would you like to add a bit of context?

SPEAKER_01 36:38

Because you're sending yourself down a spiral because you're caring too much about something. Let it go.

SPEAKER_04 36:44

Let it go.

SPEAKER_01 36:44

Let it go. Be Elsa.

SPEAKER_04 36:46

Be Elsa, let it go.

SPEAKER_01 36:47

Be Elsa, let it go. Cut that. Cut it.

SPEAKER_04 36:50

Let it go.

SPEAKER_01 36:51

But but saying that, saying that, and I know we were gonna do a uh podcast episode on personality traits.

SPEAKER_04 37:00

Oh yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:02

So there's there's a there's a psychological study where you have 16 types of personalities. Uh and you and my personality type is an INFJ. Bizarrely enough, it's the rarest personality type. Only 1% of people have this personality type. Which is me. And yours is the second rarest, which is the ENFJ.

SPEAKER_04 37:20

Yeah, how did you think?

SPEAKER_01 37:22

We're very separate, we're very similar.

SPEAKER_04 37:23

Which is strange because we don't actually share any blood.

SPEAKER_01 37:26

Is no nature nurture. Nature nature. We have very, very similar personalities. But the I in me is an introvert, so I'm an introvert. Ah, you ask, but I'm quite extroverted. Yeah. Ah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:38

What's that?

SPEAKER_01 37:39

But there's there's there's a reason. It's very in it's about inwardly thinking, it's like constantly thinking about and doing things. But you are you become an extrovert.

SPEAKER_04 37:47

Yes.

Legacy, Kindness, And The INFJ Door Slam

SPEAKER_01 37:48

You're you're the extrovert part of that. So the INFJs, INFJs have a very specific thing within their personality called the INFJ door slam. Right. And that is, so my personality is that I care quite a lot and I will help people where I can up to a point. When I reach that point, and it could happen at any time with anyone, but when I've had enough, I give them what's called the INFJ door slam. And that is I don't get angry with them, I don't shut, you know, or whatever. You just won't hear from me. I will just shut you out of my life. Bye. Bye. There will be no there will be no message from me, there will be no reasoning. Boom, I'm done with you. And that's it. And I never knew, but I when I did this personality, I was like, I do do that.

SPEAKER_03 38:35

I do do that.

SPEAKER_01 38:36

I do do that, do that, do that, that do that.

SPEAKER_03 38:38

Do that, do that, do that, do that.

SPEAKER_01 38:39

Yeah, I do, I do do that. That is well. And but I think that is one of the things that I do is that I do care too much about things. So don't care as much. Don't care as much. Worry about yourself.

SPEAKER_04 38:50

Boom. Okay. What do you think people get wrong about ageing?

SPEAKER_01 38:55

The mindset.

SPEAKER_04 38:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:57

I really do. You know, we it's I will imagine that even like if I ever if I get to 80, 90, uh that my mind will still be the same. I will still think the same things.

SPEAKER_04 39:08

So the mindset never really truly changes?

SPEAKER_01 39:10

No.

SPEAKER_04 39:10

What do you hope people will remember about you? It can be achievements, character, it can be anything. What do you hope that people remember about you, about your time on Earth?

SPEAKER_01 39:22

Do you know what? That's it's an interesting question because that is something that I have been thinking about because as you get older you do wonder what your legacy is going to be, can't you? Because they say you die twice. You die when you die, but you also die the second time when the last person when the person who last remembers you says your name for the last time.

SPEAKER_04 39:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:41

So that kind of there is wanting to die.

SPEAKER_04 39:44

I make a promise to you now, my last words on this earth will be your name. They probably won't die with me, but I'm just I'm just making that.

SPEAKER_01 39:53

Yeah. That promise. Thank you. That promise? That promise. Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 39:57

You're welcome. I might forget if I get dementia. I'm just putting caveats in just in case I do forget these things.

SPEAKER_01 40:03

Your last word was oh, I was supposed to say something. What was his name?

SPEAKER_00 40:11

What was his name? It was that twat.

SPEAKER_01 40:17

Yeah. I think, yeah, I think what I'd like to be remembered for is just being nice to people. And also that's so wholesome. I know, just but also just want to be known for being nice. Just being nice and being helpful and just liking people. But I think the the one that is is my music, you know, you've got that.

SPEAKER_04 40:38

Yeah, I think yeah, there's a legacy there isn't it.

SPEAKER_01 40:40

Yeah, that legacy of of me of giving something. I mean, unfortunately, I'd like to give a lot more, but I can't. Well, I could, but I can't be asked.

SPEAKER_04 40:52

Davey was best known for his honesty.

SPEAKER_01 40:55

Yeah, you know, no, there are but there are things where it kind of feels like I'm I'm trapped to a certain degree of certain things that I can do with things due to mandatory and da da da. And I know that sounds like a little bit of a No, it's true.

SPEAKER_04 41:08

Money does money does hold us back.

SPEAKER_01 41:10

Yeah, you know, and like you know, there's lots of things that I'd like to. I mean, I mean, the stuff that Mitchell's doing at the moment, commendable, absolutely commendable. I'd love to do what he's doing with his new job.

SPEAKER_04 41:19

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:20

I think that's absolutely you know, uh yeah, hats off to the broke.

SPEAKER_04 41:24

Yeah, yeah. It's it's a different sector. Yeah, absolutely. He's working for a charity, so yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:29

And you know, he's gonna be helping a lot of people, and that is absolutely amazing. Um I wish I, you know, I could I could do something more like that.

SPEAKER_04 41:37

More purposeful, more meaningful. I I feel the same about it as well. You know, I do I think oh, you know, it would be n it would be nice to kind of work for the company uh for a company that's not lining the pockets of others. I know that sounds it it's it sounds very corporate-y, but it we're actually both in that same but we are essentially working, we're filling someone's pockets.

SPEAKER_00 41:56

Exactly.

SPEAKER_04 41:56

Whereas someone's pockets, whereas Mitchell's now filling the pockets of uh of more people, you know, that because it's charity more charity-based, it's yeah, it's it's not filling one person's pocket, it's filling uh uh a whole host of people that need helps but pockets you know you never know, you never know as well.

SPEAKER_01 42:16

But when I say about just being nice to people, you never know the effect you have on somebody by what you say and what you do. The smallest thing could mean the biggest difference to that person's life. There's a story that I would like to say, but I can't, about something that happened where a very small thing somebody didn't even realise what they did. But just by spending some time with somebody, it changed the course of that person's life. Yeah, they never even knew they did that. The only reason they did because that person came back and told them.

SPEAKER_04 42:48

Yeah, yeah, sure.

Don’t Fear Thirty, Find Your Happy

SPEAKER_01 42:49

You know, and said, and they it to them it was nothing. Yeah, all they did was be nice. Yeah, that was it. There's that story of the the guy on the bridge, um, the one who had the suicide note who said, if one person had smiled at me, I wasn't gonna jump.

SPEAKER_03 43:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:07

Because no one smiled. Yeah. Fing smile. Yeah. Just smile at people, say hello, smile. It's not hard, could change the course of someone's life. Just be fing nice.

SPEAKER_03 43:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:17

There you go. Um, but I think we're going back to the the legacy is is that I'd like to be to have you know someone to go, oh, I like that band. Or I like that story, or yeah, I like that, and that he seems like a nice guy. He seemed like a nice guy.

SPEAKER_04 43:32

Yeah, I think we know as a nice guy. Looked old, looked old, but yeah, it was alright. Had we weird views on religion, but other than that, you know, decent guy that was. Do you know what but because religion's not nice? Yeah. True.

SPEAKER_01 43:46

Very true. It's not nice. It's controlling people.

SPEAKER_04 43:50

Okay, and um to finish up this episode before you go on a religious rant, I have one last question. And it's uh completely self-serving. What advice would you give to someone turning 30 today?

SPEAKER_01 44:01

Don't worry about it.

SPEAKER_04 44:02

Don't worry about it.

SPEAKER_01 44:03

Don't worry about it. It's all good. It's all groovy. It's all good. It's all gravy. It's all good. Don't worry about turning thirty 30's nothing. There is nothing. 30's nothing. You're you're eat. You ready you do no read. 30's 30's cool in the gang. It's all good. It's all gravy. It's cool in the gang. It's cool in the gang. It's gravy, baby. Worry about 40. That's when it starts going wrong.

SPEAKER_04 44:28

No, no, no. I feel like 50 for most people is like halfway point, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 44:33

Oh yeah. Bon Jovi. I think I'm past the halfway point.

SPEAKER_04 44:37

Well, yeah, see, it because you don't know when you're gonna die, it would be nice to know when your halfway point is. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:42

Would you wanna know? I I don't think I wanna know.

SPEAKER_04 44:44

I well, it depends. If it's a long life, yeah, I wanna know. Yeah. If they're like you will die at 98, I will just make sure. But well, no, that's not true, because if someone's like you're gonna die at 60, I'm gonna be like, Well, key. I'm now at the halfway point, and therefore I need to do start doing things I love. I don't know. Anyway, um can we end this on a nicer note than that? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:07

Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Grace your turkeys.

SPEAKER_04 45:12

Let it go.

SPEAKER_01 45:12

Let it go. Be Elsa. That should be that you know, here lies Davy Wales. He just wanted to be Elsa.

SPEAKER_04 45:22

But he ended up being a nice guy.

SPEAKER_01 45:24

He ended up being a nice guy, yeah.

Closing Thanks And Socials

SPEAKER_04 45:26

Uh well, if you enjoyed this episode of Bonus Dad Bonus Daughter, we have plenty on ZipLad forums that we uh that you're probably watching it or listening to it on now. So just check those out and um cue the outro. Thanks for joining us on bonus dad bonus daughter. Don't forget to follow us on all our socials and share the podcast with someone who'd love it. We are available on all streaming platforms. See you next time. Bye-bye.