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For Shxtty Moms
“For Shxtty Moms” is a behavior change podcast for mom’s who are holding on by a thread. Listen as we talk to real moms about the challenges of motherhood; while exploring different strategies to help moms alike get their shxt together!
For Shxtty Moms
EP 18: The Alchemist Mom: From Rashes to Radiance; One Mom’s Journey to Building Her Skincare Empire
Melissa Bitan never planned to become a skincare entrepreneur. But when her son contracted hand-foot-mouth disease and doctors offered no solutions beyond "it's just a virus," her maternal instinct kicked into high gear. Drawing on her lifelong interest in natural remedies, she created a cream (Creme de Mekkai) that cleared her son's symptoms in just three days, a moment that would eventually birth the “Little Naturalz” child product line from her health-conscious advanced skincare line called “belle_lisse_beauty”.
Throughout our conversation, Melissa pulls back the curtain on the beauty industry's historical neglect of melanated skin. "When you make a product for melanated skin, everything has to be several steps above," she explains, detailing how standard ingredients like talc and mineral oil create ashy appearances and dryness on darker complexions. Her mission goes beyond selling products; she's elevating the entire conversation around aging, hormonal changes, and skincare for women who've been overlooked for too long.
What truly shines in this episode is Melissa's candid take on balancing entrepreneurship with motherhood. As a mother of three juggling a full-time career in textile sales and interior design alongside her skincare venture, she offers practical wisdom without sugar-coating the challenges. From setting boundaries with children (her top parenting struggle) to finding your "mommy village" and knowing when to seek professional help, Melissa's approach is refreshingly honest. Her mantra: "You can do anything, but you can't do everything at once", serves as both permission and caution for parent-entrepreneurs everywhere.
Whether you're interested in clean beauty, contemplating your own business venture, or simply navigating the daily complexities of parenting, Melissa's journey offers valuable insights on creating something meaningful while raising little humans. Check out her products on Instagram @ belle_lisse_beauty and watch for her website launch in Fall 2025.
⏰ Chapter Markers ⏰
0:00 - Show Introduction
2:15 - Meet Melissa Baton: Mother and Entrepreneur
6:10 - Creating Homemade Remedies for Hand-Foot-Mouth Disease
15:00 - Melanin-Aware Skincare and Industry Challenges
30:43 - Motherhood Style and Setting Boundaries
51:22 - Building a Parenting Village
1:11:11 - Teaching Kids Self-Value and Advocacy
1:31:55 - Navigating Child Development and Racial Dynamics
1:41:00 - Final Advice and Contact Information
➣ For Guest Appearances, Sponsorship & Bookings: shxtmom@gmail.com
➣ Visit our official website: https://www.ForShxttyMoms.com
This episode of FSM is brought to you by Fidelity Behavioral Alliance, your number one source for behavior change. Fidelity Behavioral Alliance creates behavior change programs for schools, parents and organizations looking to reduce problem behaviors and improve performance outcomes. Find out more at wwwfidelitybehavioralliancecom. If you would like to sponsor an episode of FSM, email us at shitmom at gmailcom. That's S-H-X-T-M-O-M at gmailcom. M-o-m at gmailcom.
Speaker 1:It's time to put the kids to bed. So y'all get ready for another episode of For Shitty Moms. All right, everyone, Welcome to another episode of FSM. I'm your host, Dr Lori, and today we have a special guest joining us, an inspiring powerhouse who's redefining what it means to age beautifully and confidently.
Speaker 1:Melissa Baton is the founder and the CEO of Belize Beauty, a woman and minority-owned skincare brand that's putting mature women, especially women of color, at the center of the beauty conversation, with a mission to nourish, uplift, maturing skin through clean, inclusive skincare. Melissa's work extends beyond just products. She's also preparing the next generation with her children's line, Little Naturals, which has even helped clear up common skin irritations like hand, foot mouth disease, From tackling the overlooked needs of hormonal skin to creating a space where beauty evolves with grace. Melissa is leading the charge in age-inclusive, melanin-aware skincare and she's just getting started. And the most incredible part is that she's building this legacy while being a mom of three and a wife. So let's dive into her journey, her vision and how she's changing the beauty game from the inside out. Melissa, welcome to the show, Wow.
Speaker 3:You have me tearing up over here Hi.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, all right, mel. Well, thank you so much for joining us on the show today, and I just want to introduce you to the audience and, of all, first and foremost, like tell us your basic information, so your name, where you're from, describe your family size to us and then kind of explain what a day in the life of Melissa looks like okay, uh, first of all, dr Lori, thank you so much for having me, even asking for me to be a part of this wonderful and needed show, because, mommyhood, there are no directions Exactly Creating your own world and hopefully saving for the therapy that the kids might need, whatever you don't do right, right it's going to get into their thread, into their dna.
Speaker 3:So that's a reality. You have to, we have to do the best we can because we're imprinting, yeah, every single day, when you're not even talking, you're imprinting somebody's watching right, absolutely, absolutely um, I have, uh, like you said, three I like that saying three children, but actually my, my little ones, my biological little people, are four and six.
Speaker 3:I have a son, makai, that's four and my daughter, sivan, is six, and then I have a bonus child that is almost 30. Yeah, I think he's 30 now, okay, and but it's just. I could not ask for a better job at this point as far as being the mom. The mom is like a premier exciting thing for me, so I really enjoy it. Good, I'm glad to hear that you have to get lost in the, in the melee of oh, and on you to keep us on course.
Speaker 1:Right, no problem. So can you tell us your, your current occupation?
Speaker 3:Sure, sure. So actually I've also been in real estate into design, interior design and rehab, construction of homes, beautifying. I've been in that world and before that I was managing really high end buildings and properties in California and Sunset Plaza and other parts of Culver City and West Hollywood, set plaza and other parts of Culver city and West Hollywood so really notable high end, uh, places, really beautiful buildings and just a really good opportunity. I've always been creative, though. So I, you know, I've always been into the creation of products. I've always made things for my skin, you know, for fun, and I make different type of recipes and meals to do certain things with the body. So I've always been creating.
Speaker 3:Currently, I work with a company that makes gorgeous textiles and for high end buildings, and so I have, like my clients are like really high end designers, interior designers that do like elaborate homes, you know, for celebrities or or special buildings or you know, projects like that. So that's kind of my day job and, um, until I guess I'm really, you know, comfortable enough to say, okay, I'm jumping out of the, the, the airplane, you know, but right now I'm enjoying that. I started building Belly's Beauty because of the hand-out foot thing and, you know, having kids. Once you have kids, you see things. The whole world changes.
Speaker 3:So I was fine doing my little interior design stuff and projects. But I realized now I have these little people that I'm in charge of what happens in their life, what happens with their bodies you know and and that was the main thing is I start realizing all of the chemicals and things out there.
Speaker 3:And I said, okay, I'm working during the day, but at night it's a whole different mission. So at the end of the day, when they're in bed, that's when my products come out, that's when I do all my research and my reading and doing a lot of stuff I have been doing, enjoying quietly, you know, learning about the antimicrobial principles of certain foods and what you can do on the skin is amazing, and so a lot of these things. I really start realizing the importance of it. When there was a breakout at Makai school, I think it was 2023.
Speaker 3:And I panicked. I didn't know what hand, mouth, foot was and I was like what is this about? And all I know is the daycare lady contacted us all the moms, and she said come and get your children now. I don't mean to scare you, but there's a hand, mouth, foot to break out and the school was closing for 10 days and we'll be looking for you in the next 30 minutes. Please send your. You know you either come or send your nanny, whoever, but come get the kids.
Speaker 3:We're like what so we run out? Of course I ran out, got Makai home and for those 10 days he was fine. You know it was great. I was like, oh God, they caught it in time. I asked the mother who we found out which mom her kid was infected, and so I wrote her privately and told her I was so sorry to hear that happened and if she had pictures, because I was just wondering you know my curious, you know alchemistic mind I can go home and make something to help this woman. I need to see what's happening. So she was kind enough to actually send me photos and when I saw those photos, dr Laurie, I was in tears. For this one, two minutes, I was like, oh my God. And she has other kids highly contagious. It's itching.
Speaker 3:It's boils, it's like little boils all over their skin. It can pop up everywhere and if you don't do anything about it it just spreads. Pretty much the pediatricians are like, oh, we're sorry, you got that it's just a virus and there's nothing we can do. So we go on to two different pediatric centers and talk to her doctors. They pretty much sent this woman home and said sorry and hope you didn't affect the rest of the school because everybody's going to get it. And that's just what's going to happen.
Speaker 3:And I was like, oh my gosh. So I was panicked by that. So, mind you, it's like day five or six. Makai has no signs. I didn't know anything before that, but now every night between I don't know midnight and three, I'm now reading and writing notes and doing all this research Cause I said that's it. I'm going to make a cream, because if something breaks off in here I'm going to have something to put on it, because I have a daughter, I have a husband that doesn't need to get anything. You know, men get stuff. I mean, let's be real, Men get injured, they get a little cold. Love them to death. They're wonderful creatures. They do wonderful things in our world. We couldn't live without our wonderful partners in crime, but we don't want them getting sick or injured if we can help Right, absolutely.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and if we can help, right, absolutely yeah, and so that was the last thing I wanted.
Speaker 1:And apparently, when this virus hits adults, it's worse. Oh, okay, I didn't know that.
Speaker 3:So it can be painful. It is painful, it can appear in really weird uncomfortable places we won't even say on screen. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Okay, adults. And so I was like this is craziness. So, sure enough, I was good by day 10. I think day 11, it was a weekend. So day 11 or 12, time to go back to school. I had an appointment in Santa Barbara, so I was like, okay, I'll drop him off on my way.
Speaker 3:I get to the school, I turn to look at him in the backseat looking so cute and excited, and then he goes. So, mommy, oh, the spider webs are coming. I said what? Yeah, mr bites and spider webs. I said what are you talking about? So I get out of the car, I go, I'm not even thinking about this thing. I go back, see, go to open his door, and I look down his little arm and there's like two big, just two, like it looked like little spider webby bumps coming, red patches. They were like growing, waking up. It was the craziest thing. And then he had two fingers, the ring finger and the little pinky. The two things had bumps, like some little bumps on them, and I was like what? Just a couple? And I was like, oh, my god. And the healthcare provider came right to the car when I was going. Oh, and she goes. Oh, my, I'm so sorry, melissa Makai has it, that's it.
Speaker 3:Don't worry about it. We got to go and she goes. I said bye. I said Makai's crying Mommy, I want to go to school today. I can't be here today. So he, he cried the whole time. I said I have treats at home though I race home. I had Lysol spray products ready, because you have to spray constantly anything they touch, you have to be really neurotic. I think that's the only reason I saved myself and the husband and my daughter, because literally anywhere he went I was like you know you clean, right, you quarantine him to a certain spot in the house. Okay, you can watch. You know Peppa, you can watch Peppa Pig and you can look at Bluey, but you do not move from this section of the living room. And then my husband came in. What's going on? I said makai has that thing. Don't go near him. Wish him love from afar. I don't need you up on him giving him love. You know like great you can't do that right now. He goes well, because I'm a different species, you cannot, but I can be close.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:So I already had my directions. I had purchased some things just in case, so I literally went into the refrigerator and pulled out all of my items, sanitized the countertop and everything, of course, made my environment very clean as if I was in the ER somewhere, a lab, and then I put all my items out.
Speaker 3:I had my recipe and I began to make the concoction that I had been studying about. And there was no concoction, mind you, it just was. I'd been studying about foods, different things that could help, and then I created my own recipe. You know of adventure and I said okay, we're going in honey, cause I am not having my kid be a speckled little leopard Right. All they tell you to do with that thing is calamine lotion.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and calamine lotion, hyper pigments, which means it leaves dark spots behind. It does not clear. So any little kid, like that little kid that had it before that poor baby. I haven't checked on his mom. I need to check. He probably has spots everywhere still. So maybe because he's little they might grow, go away. But, usually they leave behind. You know the darkness.
Speaker 3:So, I was scared about that, so I started making this cream and then I videoed it. So I have video of all this and I'm like okay, everybody, this is what we're making. And Makai was such a great little actor, so he wasn't feeling any pain at this point, because mine just started.
Speaker 3:That was day one okay, I caught it day one yeah, you caught it early, that's good early and so I made the cream and I started applying the cream on him three times a day and videoing every time. I did it. By day three they were drying out, disappearing. The little stuff was just disappearing. It didn't even really get to it. Can it? Can get to where it crests over those bumps. His didn't get to that point because I guess I was on it right away. Okay.
Speaker 3:So that was amazing. So to have the video and him going mommy, look you're almost gone you don't even see. You know, he was even mesmerized by it and I was so happy, and then I didn't share it with anyone Other people.
Speaker 3:I said oh yeah, I made this cream and stuff, you know, because I was still feeling. You know who am I? I'm not a PhD, I'm not a chemist. You know my husband's a chemist. I'm like, I'm not. That's not my world. So the last thing I want to do is start talking about putting something out there that I'm not sure if it's safe for other people. But you know, it was my kid and it worked for us.
Speaker 3:So I had that in my back pocket, I thought about it and I shared it and some people are like no girl you need to, there's nothing out there. You need to help people with that, Right.
Speaker 1:Cause they, the doctors, do just send you home Like it's a virus. It'll pass, let it run its course, and that's that's it yeah, that's it.
Speaker 3:They don't tell you anything. So now I have this cream. It's called creme de macaque, so belly's beauty is a is a american brand, of course it's. It's my little baby, spirit child. But at the same time I have a love for the french aesthetic. I like their, their idea of you know, the homey vibe and the fresh, the yes, the unity, the cleanliness of the products and their fruits and vegetables. They do it a little differently and I like that. So that kind of infused, and I've always been into the French culture. I used to be a part of a French club, so funny, and I speak a little French, but not a lot. I'm learning more and the company I'm with is French now too. So it's kind of it's all just lined up, and so creme de macaque, which just means macaque cream, is the one that has stronger antimicrobial things in it.
Speaker 3:Okay, for the hand, mouth, foot, and I can make it in different levels. So I'm actually customizing too. I don't know how long I'll be able to do that before it gets crazy, but because I'm still a startup and new, I now have mommies that call. They literally ask this is what's going on? My kid has eczema and it's breaking out and there's nothing. And I have a creme de Sivan. Sivan had eczema as a baby and she still has a little bit. Here and there she breaks out.
Speaker 3:So I made a cream to all natural vegan base that soothes the eczema and helps. So both of the creams are they make, they ameliorate, ameliorate the situation, they make a hand mouth, but I don't see it's a cure. What I see is that it will get in, it will start drying it out, it will localize it so it keeps it it from spreading. So I'm kind of excited about that. I was able to keep. I recently had another young girl that had to use my creams and we got it on day one and she she had the things in her mouth so I, yeah, you yeah, most definitely I need something for that with popsicles, so that's fun.
Speaker 3:That's another day, another story oh okay, cool, okay. Yeah, in two, not even 30 minutes, it started to feel the, the bumps in her mouth okay, so you're like really big on the homeopathic.
Speaker 1:That's what I'm getting like yes some moms do the crafting you're with the homeopathic.
Speaker 3:Yes I'm a crafter too, but now I have into, I come back into crafting for birthday parties, for the kids' parties. But, other than that. I am really enjoying this because it's so rewarding to see people's skins. You know heal and I'm actually helping them heal and stop. You know spreading of these viruses where there's nothing for it. So right.
Speaker 1:So how in the world do you do all of this and you still work like a full-time job? Do you have a life Like what's?
Speaker 3:happening right now. I'm hearing a lot.
Speaker 3:I know, I know, see, I'm hearing, not you know what's funny. I know I feel so bad. I missed boots on the ground party last night. I'm so sorry. Sylvia, my girlfriend had her party and it was. Siobhan got a little ill last night, had a little fever, and she has a party today and I'm trying to see if she's well enough to go out. She's better today, so much I think I do. I enjoy life. I do go out and do things with my friends, but yeah, I try to have fun, I try to find. You know, I get out, I do things with the kids, so there's still things that go on but, it is.
Speaker 3:It's kind of busy and I think the job where I am is outside sales, so I make my own schedule. It's usually during the day I'm doing things, having appointments or calling or talking with people, and then some days it's mainly phone work. But I use that time for work. So I usually don't go into this mode until after five or like weekends. So that's the difference and I you have to time block. I mean it sounds crazy, but you have to plan because, yeah, otherwise I'd be somewhere in a little lab in the kitchen and my kids are growing up and they're like mom, I'm now old, I'm about to get my learner's permit. You haven't been out of the kitchen in six years, right?
Speaker 3:I don't want to be that person. So you have to plan and you have to create, you know, time for these different things, so right now it's okay. Eventually I probably will have to reorg, but I just I try to manage my time and I have older parents, so and that's another thing I'm doing all the time.
Speaker 1:So so would you say like your current job with the sales? And I ask this because sometimes I have moms who are just curious about other occupations and trying to make a transition or a pivot. So would you say you work in a mom-friendly industry. What does that look like for you with the two little ones especially?
Speaker 3:wow, that's a really great question. So I want to say that, um, with this in the outside sales, in that design, in that world, it's kind of friendly, it's okay, it's not a lot of women okay it's not bad.
Speaker 3:I want to say, in the skincare world, I mean, most of these brands have been, you know, men have run the companies and, uh, it's a very. For many years it's been a very male dominated uh world, until you have, like rihanna and and some other people who have come into the makeup sector. So if I'm going into the makeup world, I'll say that, yes, it's now becoming more about us and hello, shouldn't it be about us? We're the largest consumers, right?
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 3:You know. So I'm excited about that, but yes, it's still pretty much male of a big male presence and so but we're coming through, we're coming through and it's, it's really great. Um, you know, my wonderful uh I want to say my uh horoscope sister rihanna is also a piscean and I also sing, so maybe I'm, I'm uh, you know, I'm doing some mirroring. Here I've been I think, yeah, I'm gonna. I'm gonna make my products first and I'll get to singing a song later.
Speaker 1:I'll get back to that later, okay, okay.
Speaker 3:I gotta, I gotta save the kids I gotta save. And it's also Lori, I'm going to be honest. It's also some vanity there because, you know, for many years I, you know, I modeled and I I did things that I was in front of a camera a lot and and on runways, and so you get used to being and looking a certain way. You just, you know, happens that way. But when you're getting older and when your body starts changing, when things are hormonally changing uh, I want to say things that aren't so much in your control you have to work harder to to be creative, and I saw that in our space and in the cosmetics and the.
Speaker 3:You know, because I also make makeup as well but, I'm on skincare because you need to have the the outside right before you start putting things on your skin. You need to have your face in order yeah definitely first, but there isn't a lot of stuff for you know, more melanated skin and there, there are now there's people are. It's changing. You know it's getting better in the last five years. I'd say 10 years, maybe not 10. I'm gonna say five because it's getting where it's palatable, where you can actually put it on and not look like a white mask.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, that is true.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it wasn't quite right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that is true. I remember you're right, because a few years ago and by a few I mean like maybe a little more than five years ago I took a couple of classes to become like a makeup artist. And even in the classes, you know, you practice on each other and I did a class and I'm like, okay, I look dead. You know, at the time that was like our safe space. We had to have all of these hours. And now that I think about it, the beauty academy that I attended, I was like one of two uh, african Americans in the whole class. So of course they make you partner up.
Speaker 1:Nobody wants to be our partner because, they don't know what to do yeah, oh my gosh, she's so pretty, but I don't know right so that was like the worst experience ever, and every time I'm like, okay, I look great, I look all of it I look like I don't like this and the even the instructor was like oh well, a lot of our products have something called mica in it and sometimes you know when it settles and when the skin oxidizes like I don't care, I don't like that.
Speaker 3:I look great. I don't care the process. What are you guys going to throw up in there to make it?
Speaker 1:you know, make it more like color. And the answer was nothing Like nothing. That's how they make it, and that's what it is so, back then, like the only thing that we really had to work with was like Mac, yeah.
Speaker 3:Which is also a lot of talc I like.
Speaker 1:Mac.
Speaker 3:Yeah, they've come around and I think they're making more mineral products. But that was where I that was like I want to say the 90s, yeah To 2000s. I was like, okay, this is cute, I like their. You know the eyeshadows and different things like that, but the coloring was still. It was still talc-based. So that's what's bringing the gray, it's T-A-L-C. Okay, talc is so inexpensive and it's a filler of most products because of its ability. Same thing with mineral oil, which I don't like either. Mineral oil is also another product that is a filler. It's it's less expensive, so you'll find it in oils and stuff and basically, once you have it on, later it is drying, it dries your skin out. So you think lubricating, but later it's going to become drier.
Speaker 1:Oh wow, that's interesting, it's really really strange.
Speaker 3:And talc is just, it's like a powder.
Speaker 3:So, they're right. It's the mica that they were using in the beginning, I believe, was more of a white, you know, just a basic powder, and now there's many differences because they're starting to use more pigment, which is color. You put more color into a product, then it will sustain. You'll get to see more of that. But pigment is expensive. We're not wanting to make for the masses this expensive product, and that's something to keep in mind Whenever you're making. This is what I like. I like to say my products for every woman. They're for everyone. That's aging because we have hormonal changes. But what I say is I pay attention specifically to the melanated skin because by doing that now check this out by doing that, we are elevating every product, every piece of the product. When you make a product based for melanated skin, everything has to be a step above, several steps above, because there are other pieces that you have to add to properly layer and make the beauty that is us.
Speaker 3:Right. So when you do that for melanated skin, you've changed the game. Even when you put certain SPFs, you need to do certain things to make sure it's not going to make us gray and white. You're elevating it. It's a little bit more expensive of a process, when you think about it that way, until it becomes more normalized, I think, and that's what why I'm so excited about you know, the stuff Rihanna's done and you know I think there's some other. I keep just saying, rihanna, you know what can.
Speaker 3:I say but I think that that has changed the game. I think what's the other? There's another brand that I like a lot too. Armani, I think, has done some changes, and there's some other ones. I think. Essie Lauder's trying yeah, they have one, yeah, Lancome. They're trying to do more of this. You know, melanated or more of a pigment. Yeah. But there's still quite a bit of talc, so you have to play in between those lines yeah, and it seems like they just need a little more education out there as well.
Speaker 1:Like I just don't understand how melanated skin is, so uh, such a mystery for these companies like they're billion. This is a billion dollar industry and you know there are tanning sprays that can give you the effect.
Speaker 3:You can go, get a tanning spray and be my complexion. You're complete. Look like us with a tanning product and you don't know, how to make like basic like you said, SPF.
Speaker 1:I just found an SPF this year and I had to go to my nurse practitioner and she's black and I finally found an SPF and I didn't even know they made it that high like SPF 75 so she she has me wearing like an SPF now that I can wear with my makeup or without it.
Speaker 3:I don don't look gray, I don't look greasy, I'm also making a special one. That is actually, and it's so funny. I came up with this idea a year ago, but I just I've been too busy, I hadn't gotten to it yet. So now this year, I'm starting to work on my SPF setting spray.
Speaker 1:Okay, oh nice.
Speaker 3:Really cool, and I stated this to a person in the industry, a friend of mine, last year and then, just a few months ago, I saw something trying to come out, similar. I was like, oh my God, did he tell? Did he tell someone? Because it's nowhere, it wasn't out there, and all of a sudden it's coming, and you know I. So it's nowhere, it wasn't out there, and all of a sudden it's coming, and you know I, so it's.
Speaker 3:I take a chance saying stuff out loud, but I'm already working on it now and I'm getting ready to probably experiment with it and I'll be coming to Florida to visit soon and I probably will have some with me and you will probably have a little bit there with the tribe. So I want to get and there's a couple of things I'm planning to bring, and I want to bring you one of the masks and some other stuff that you can use and see on your skin. But it's, there's no reason. It's just prioritizing. I think it just wasn't a priority, to be honest. Um, but now it's changing because you are, you have, we have more people with different types of skin types and color, and, and the reason is a wait a minute and then we can make our own things, and so that's kind of yeah, I'm here because it's okay, don't rush to the table now, because I got it and I do think it's important to have representation, because it it makes a huge difference when you have someone who understands the challenges that we have with our skin.
Speaker 1:I feel like within the last five years or so, hyperpigmentation is like now it's well known and people talk about it all the time.
Speaker 1:Before, you would never hear anything about it anything about it and certain options to like even skin tone, where, like you just hear about, oh, skin bleaching and and then that's something that's taboo, it's so bad, it's so this, it's so that. So I think the educational piece is just as important as just raising the awareness in the first place, because for the longest, like I just started wearing I and I hate to say this I just started wearing sunscreen, like this year, and my dermatologist is like what are you doing?
Speaker 3:I'm like that's because you yeah, you probably thought oh, I don't yeah, like I'm melanated, I'm good, I'm melanated. I don't good, I'm melanated, I don't need anything but no, and that's one of the things that no one really talks about. But then you get you know African-Americans or you know people with more melanin. You get us getting cancers, like in between the fingers or they're finding out they have it somewhere not so prominent on the body, because you can still get skin cancer.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's what she told me, and I'm like, yeah, I'm like, are you kidding? So? Yeah yeah, that was an eye opener. So now I'm like, okay, let me like I am vigilant now about wearing sunscreen and I honestly, it's still not because my nurse practitioner or my doctor told me me I have that science background, so I'm like climate change is real, our ozone layer is thinning. The UV rays from the sun are now like a lot stronger.
Speaker 3:Exactly, they are closer they are.
Speaker 1:we are turning into mercury here right, so now like my scientific brain is telling me to wear sunscreen, not. Your doctor just told you, like fool, you have skin you can get skin cancer like that wasn't good enough.
Speaker 3:So, and so here you are. It's because your science background that you're listening. So imagine all the people that don't have right any of the science background who are still like girl bye, that's one thing I don't have to spend money on. It's like no, if you're out in the sun, if you're taking your kids out in the sun and you're going to the beach and you're we are, the sun is closer, we're getting more rays, it's a lot more. You know this better than I would. It is a lot more dangerous now in the sense of the sun damage and what we can be doing to ourselves. So it's important to try to, you know, put things on trying to tell my son.
Speaker 1:Like you know, he's older, he's that pre-teen. Right now he's 12. So now I'm including that in our daily routines because I've been trying to get him to learn how to take care of his self, take care of his body. So now it's like, okay, that's a part of your daily routine wash your face. Brush your teeth, you know. Take a. Take a shower, okay. Lotion deodorant Okay. Do you have an SPF? Before we go outside, are your arms and legs covered, depending on what we're doing? Do you have a hat? So? All of those steps.
Speaker 1:I'm kind of taking it as a safety precaution, but I want that to be a part of his routine, because these are things that I didn't think about when I was his age. But the world is different now, right, and when you know better you do better you do better, yeah. So with that, like, how do you?
Speaker 1:tie this in. I know you said like you had Makai with you while you were trying out the different things. But, like as a mom, how do you integrate these philosophies and these, this sort of teaching, in your household to make sure your kids pick up these habits and you know make it a habit, as opposed to them having to learn it like we're learning it as adults now.
Speaker 3:So what does that?
Speaker 1:look like for you.
Speaker 3:Right? That's a great question. I think probably the most important way to convey relevance with anything that you're trying to get a little person to do is by doing it yourself. Ok, on the serum, and I'm doing different things for my skin and then I put the cream on, but we do the same thing. My husband and I do the same for them. When we get them ready in the morning, it's like okay, after they've been washed up, and now, you know, right after face washing, I also do a warm towel wash wipe on them in the mornings when they're getting ready to have breakfast, I do another little wipe down and at that point, after that, the cream comes out. They know that they're getting sunscreen. They know that. So that's a part. If we try to leave or walk out of the door, even like on a weekend or something like, do we have enough sunscreen on me? They know now.
Speaker 3:So it's like you do just what you're doing. You make it a part of a system and you don't have to make it difficult, you don't have to make it deep and heavy. You can get a fun sunscreen. Well, little Naturals is the children's version of my line, so Little Naturals with a Z, that will also. I'm making there. I'm also making a nice mineral, a pretty easy sunscreen that you can put on, that also has some nano oxide, which is the powder that's gray, the white.
Speaker 3:You know that it actually has the ability to keep the sun away, but it's a natural product and so there's natural things that we can do. And then, when you have it there, you're able to take care of your kid and make it a system and make it fun. Like, okay, now we're going to do this, and that's really the best way to train them on anything. Is they're going to do what they see you do? If you want your kid to read more, they need to see you reading. Yeah, absolutely Anything you want them to do, and I'm guilty of that too. I'm so busy.
Speaker 1:But I'm so busy but I'm like, oh, I want her to read some more books, so let me go take that book out that I was reading about this new product. I'm going to do I'm just going to go read it in front of her. And I just said I was going to do that because my kid acts like a book, is like his kryptonite, like why would I do that? That's funny. So I do a lot of like audio books and I'm like you need to read, you need to. And I'm like you need to read, you need to. And I'm like, wait a minute, he doesn't see me reading.
Speaker 1:So let me check myself first, and you know, let's just make that the norm in the house.
Speaker 3:Like, we'll get a physical book.
Speaker 1:We'll go to the store, we'll go to like the bookstore or the beach and kind of chill out.
Speaker 3:So you know once he is, he's able to see me doing it now.
Speaker 1:Hopefully he'll pick up those habits. So how would you describe yourself as a mom?
Speaker 3:I am, I think I'm. I'm probably a helicopter mom that's trying to Let go of some of that.
Speaker 3:OK watch those stairs. If you fall you could bust your head open and then we're going to end up in the emergency and this is going to happen, and then you're going to have this little scar. I'm going to have to make something to try to fix that scar. You're going to be across the front of your head and that could all have been prevented. If you realize the stairs are not for playing. So I'm one of those, you know, and at the same time you know I'm a cool mom. You know they like to have ice cream, so we have. You know, most kids only get ice cream on the weekends. My kids get it every couple of days, or a little ice cream here after dinner or something, because my husband is a big ice creamer. So if you have someone.
Speaker 3:That again, if kids are seeing what goes down in the household and you're trying to tell them, but for them it's a different story.
Speaker 1:Right, that probably won't work.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so how I modulate that, I'm like, well, daddy might have it every day or something. He's vegetarian, so he may be getting his dairy whatever you know but that's not how we'll come up with some reason for that.
Speaker 3:But we're not doing that. You guys are going to have it every single day, so it's going to be special. So I'm learning that I can let them do have a little fun with what they want. But then I also have to add some type of you know barometer. There, too, you got to help your kids have a. You got to navigate with them. Yeah, not just always to them. You do this, you're going to do that. You got to help your kids have a. You got to navigate with them, not just always to them. You do this, you're going to do that, you're going to do. You know, I've realized. So I think I'm a good mom that's learning to, to, to kind of adapt.
Speaker 3:Our kids are not growing up in the time that we grew up in, you know. So I think Makai was able to turn on and off an iPad. His little what is it? Yeah, his little iPad. He was able to turn that thing on and off. He knew how to go and find things and move things around the screen, like he's only four. He was three. He was able to navigate things and move things and understand. So we learn differently. So I think I'm pretty good with you know, realizing that this is a modern world. This is you know, not you know the day we grew up in.
Speaker 3:You have to control it. You know you can't let them be on these computers all the time, every day, every minute, but they are in their lives. You know it is a part of their life. So you just have to try to be your best self and work on self. I feel like I do have a lot going on.
Speaker 3:I have a lovely therapist that is kind of like my little personal helper, personal assistant. If I have a lot going on, I just need to talk to somebody about some things, so I advocate that. A lot of people, you know, don't understand the idea of therapy, or they say, oh no, I have the Bible or I have God and I don't need it and all that, and that's great. You can have God. It doesn't have anything to do with having a therapist, though, but it is really fun to have someone that you can talk to about things that are that you're trying to work through to be a better version of yourself. There's nothing wrong with that, and nowadays it's easier to access that.
Speaker 3:There's apps there's, you know there's, there's people that are on line to help people. So if you can't go somewhere like I don't go anywhere for it because I'm so busy but I can, you know, call her up, I can plan a date and we see each other online and talk about things, and we do it that way. And that's really helpful.
Speaker 1:Okay and then? So what are some of the challenges that you're facing right now as a parent, Like? What are your top three?
Speaker 3:Oh, boundaries. Okay, I think, number one boundaries, number two boundaries, number three, number three boundaries.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow, okay, so elaborate. Uh, what do you mean by boundaries? Okay?
Speaker 3:so I shouldn't say all three maybe, maybe two boundaries and one love yourself, just self-love, remembering that we are. As long as we're doing what we need to do through love and through respect of ourselves and the little people that you're trying to raise, then you're doing okay. Okay.
Speaker 3:You know it's, it's. I think we beat ourselves up too much. We think, oh my gosh, like we're trying to be so perfect. There is no perfection. Right, there is no perfect parent. There's only loving parents that work hard and try to make a difference, and then parents who don't.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 3:You're either a parent that dials in and tries to be there in part of your kid's life and make sure that they're able to come to you, and if you're not so good with that, then you make sure you have a family member or therapist or you have someone that can help the child get through those parts that you maybe can't get through. So I think that's important. Boundaries would be like they're so cute. I think that's natural selection, that they come here, right, and so when they're really cute like that and mommy, I want, mommy, please, please and they have that little face oh you can't say no, have you seen?
Speaker 3:uh, what is the one pause? What's the movie with?
Speaker 1:them like puss in boots.
Speaker 3:The big eyes the big eyes, and so the kids have this way of like. They give you that, look, oh, and you're like oh, my god, okay, one more cookie and that's it and no more cookies. And I realized you got to be a little bit, you know it's like no, you know. So I'm learning to just say you know, honey, I know you love the cookies, but you just had to remember we said two was the limit today, so we're going to leave it at that and let's go do blah, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 3:Well, I want it's like you know what? Okay, and you try to distract. You say, look, we're going to do this Mommy wants to do. Have you seen this? Look, there's this new movie out. Okay, let's go do that. Let's do something else, let's just distract ourselves and be okay with the kid being upset with you for a little bit. I think that's something too. We don't want to upset them, or we don't want them to be mad at us, and then we don't want to feel like we let them down. At least that's my issue. I can't say that's everybody's issue.
Speaker 3:And then I realized I said you know what you have to. It looks better and it's more impressive later for the kid if you learn to show them boundaries yeah absolutely just show them that there's no. If I can just complain and and just act, crazy enough and mom will bring that cookie box back out, yeah, you can't. You can't do it that way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, in the world of behavior therapy. I I always call that like that, that slot machine parenting. You kind of fall into that category and really what's happening there. We call it a variable ratio of reinforcement. So what that?
Speaker 1:means is kind of like the slot machine. Like I put my coin in, I pull the lever and like, oh, I could get that reward. No, not this time, let me try again, let me try again, let me try again, and then you hit big and it's like, all right, great, now I'm gonna try again, and I'm gonna try again, and I'm gonna try 10 more times, because I just might get that reward right, right, and then you create that's exactly I like that and they become more persistent, like I'm gonna wear her down I'm gonna get that cookie.
Speaker 3:I'm going to get some more of that. You know, and that's true, we do it, we, and that's that I think. So so boundaries um accepting that there is no perfect parent we're not perfect and three being cool and confident enough to go get help. Okay.
Speaker 3:I like that To talk to. If you need a professional, if you just need if you have, if you're fortunate enough to have good family or someone in the family that has this extra knowledge and can help you, then use that. It's about not being caught up in this old age of dodge of. You know the Lord gets me through it all and I don't need anybody to tell me. This is what cause. That's not, that's not you about to have somebody going to therapy?
Speaker 1:at 12.
Speaker 3:My mom never talked to me, but she was always in the room with her hands up looking up, but she didn't tell me nothing. And you know, I mean we have. We have to realize that God is great, but you have to look outside. You got to look at the people that God put in your world, that studied hard to be there to help you to learn.
Speaker 3:That's all godly. Also, people that actually like yourself, who have taken the time to get doctorates in educational self-awareness. Helping other people, helping children that's huge. Everybody doesn't helping children that's huge. Everybody doesn't do that. So that's of God. God has sent you this person, or whoever you believe in, buddha. Buddha has brought forth the idea for this person to study this, to be there to help others. So we need to dial into that and not be afraid of that, because the end result is better humans.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely, and I feel like now we're in a time where it's not as taboo anymore, so people can openly talk about like, oh, I go to therapy or oh, my therapist. And it's slowly becoming a social norm, as opposed to like, oh, you're in therapy, like as if something is wrong, where sometimes you can do therapy to maintain what you have. You know or just to check in, and sometimes you need someone who's not related to you to give you an objective point of view and perspective. Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 3:Exactly, exactly. That is so true, and that probably was me, like there was a time I probably would have been like, oh my gosh, she needs therapy. Oh my gosh, larger and more fulfilling goals and plans and a multi-billion dollar skincare makeup brand, vegan, and things for children. I have all these grandiose ideas and plans and they can happen, but you have to also make sure you have your headspace in order, yeah, and that you have, um, some, that someone that can relate to you on that level. And, yes, outside, outside of family, less family but no, you have to have people that are not connected to you in that way to help see what it is, that your trajectory, what you're trying to get to, because often people that don't see not everybody's going to see the way you see Success is different for everyone and some people have their own stuff to work through, so you can't go to people that are still that don't have their own stuff together to tell you what you're going to be doing, because that's just a road to nowhere.
Speaker 3:So you have to do the work and you have to then put yourself with like-minded people that are trying to get the same types of things that you're doing and that's real. So not being afraid to just you know, I'm learning to motherhood is amazing, and it's one of the best ways to set you up for doing other very relevant things for yourself that you want to do, because when you learn how to navigate the world of raising little people and being there for them as well as you have to take care of yourself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, most definitely.
Speaker 3:That's going to become second nature. If you don't take care of you, you cannot take care of these little people.
Speaker 1:And you really have to learn to prioritize taking care of yourself first so that you can be the best, your best self for those little ones who are depending on you. So, with that being said, what does your mommy village look like? You spoke of like like-minded individuals, so who pitches in to help you out? You have a lot going on, career wise, and then entrepreneurship and marriage and trying to have a social life. What does your mommy village look like? How do you navigate all of these different circles that?
Speaker 3:you're a part of that's it.
Speaker 3:That's another terrific question there, because what I'm finding is I'm, you know, my mom, who I'm a bloomer, I'll say, because I have my babies later. So some of my, a couple of my closest girlfriends, like my little circle, I have a couple of these just amazing, amazing women in my life, amazing. I'm really blessed, and one of my main groups we are, you know, all around the same age and their kids are all like you know, 15 or are, you know, all around the same age and their kids are all like you know, 15 or 18, you know. And then I have these little babies, so they're there for me whenever they can be. If I'm, if I'm running something or doing some organization, like what can we do? Oh, you need this or that. And then I have my bestie, who lives in California with me, who has older children too.
Speaker 3:So it's like I didn't do it at the same time. So it's not like necessarily, mommies that I grew up with that knew you know that we're all having babies together because I did it later. So that was a different spin on it. So my mommy group, that is, my kids ages, are also wonderful too. So mommies that are that, you know, our kids are in the same class and we do, we. We go get our nails done sometimes. Sometimes we just call each other girl, how are you doing so? What are you doing? Oh my gosh. And so we keep in touch. That helps a lot. Okay.
Speaker 3:I don't. I think the main thing is there's always birthdays or there's parties or there's something going on, so you find yourself keeping up with these other moms that way too. Okay.
Speaker 3:So we bring our kids together and that's a good way to let them play and then we talk.
Speaker 3:You know you can do things like that, but I have a really good. I feel like I have a good network if I needed it, but for the most part little day-to-day things. That's on me and my husband and I have, you know, my husband and I have, you know, a helper. I have someone that helps, like a nanny, that comes and she's with us maybe three, three to four hours a day, like towards the day if I'm still working, so that way I can finish up with work and then at six you know it's I'm back in with the kids. So she helps like from maybe four to six, okay, and that helps just that little bit, and that's just Monday through Friday. You know, school time and, um, yeah, you, just you have to learn to kind of organize your space. And if you can't have someone help you, then you find child care stuff, you find some after school programs, you find things that you can rely on. So we do that too, because the after school, school these days is out by two o'clock.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, it is not conducive for a working mom Right.
Speaker 3:Oh, it's two o'clock, that's lunchtime for most of us. Right, it's like I'm going to get out of this meeting. I know we're in the middle of a meeting but my kids are out.
Speaker 1:right now I'm going to go get them and oh, I won't make it back in time.
Speaker 3:so yeah, car line and all that good stuff dropping off, yeah, so you have to do the after school stuff, which usually kicks in from two to five or something, or two to six, and that's helpful, um, but yeah, I think it's important to have a village, and even if your village is just you and one other amazing friend yeah your village does not have to be, you know know, eight to 12 women deep.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:You know, I do have a six. I have one that's six, I have one that's four, and then I have a one. So I've got different villages.
Speaker 3:But that main thing is if you have, if you're nourished by just one amazing friend that can relate to you and help you or say, okay, I'm coming over or I'm bringing my kid, or we're gonna come and take your kid and you just go get your nails done, or whatever, you're having just one good person. That is probably the most important thing. Focus on just having one great person you can depend on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely and and.
Speaker 3:If you have a village, that's terrific yeah, but a village is.
Speaker 1:It's a, it's a mindset too yeah, because you want to be careful with, like, who's pouring into your kid when you're not around, because that's a whole nother that's a whole nother show yeah, I feel like my husband and I were learning how to navigate that um reality, because you never know what other kids you may encounter, other kids who are the same age as your kiddo. So it's like, oh, we should hang out, we should do this. Like if we meet kids on the basketball team and they have similar interests, it's like, oh, maybe we can hang out. And then you come across these parents and if their dynamic is a little off, it's like, ooh, what did we step into?
Speaker 1:Now we have to break up with these parents.
Speaker 3:We're going to have to break up with these parents and we're gonna have to break up. Yeah, oh my god, you gonna tell them. No, I'm not gonna tell them exactly, you found them.
Speaker 1:You tell them, you walked up to them first, yeah so even my husband and I, like after a few um awkward encounters with other parents, we've stopped trying to do the whole like, oh, maybe the kids should link up. Like my husband and I are like I think we went to one birthday party and we were having a great time and the kids were getting along and then something happened and the wife made a comment to her husband like oh, you see, how he does this, you don't do that, and it was like oh honey.
Speaker 1:I think oh, I think it's time to go. Oh man, like it was just so awkward, like uh your husband is right there, he can hear you, we can hear you, like what's happening, what's happening, what's happening here and you know it.
Speaker 3:I'm gonna, I'm gonna just suggest something. If that was a good um relationship, possibly, like if the kids and you guys really gelled, it could be not that you got time for it, but it could be a teaching moment, it could be a chance where later you call be and you say Becky, we really had a great time, we're really having fun. But you know, it felt it was a little difficult to hear blah, blah. What do you think about that?
Speaker 3:because it would be nice if we could still hang out now if it's not something you're, you're into that way, then yeah, you just say, ah, it's time to go.
Speaker 1:This is great, thank you, yeah. I think, if I would, have had that approach, she probably would have like chewed my head off.
Speaker 3:So we were just like oh this is all right um say goodbye, get your, get your party favor get your hat get your hat, get your shoes on, yeah, so now we're just really that's terrible. I hate when that happens because I feel that's like what's going on in our world too.
Speaker 3:There's this polarization of just difference, where we see something that we don't agree with, that wouldn't necessarily fit, and I'm learning about this too. I have a girlfriend that I know was a how should I say? A chumper, okay, and I was like, okay, you know, for her, there is something in that for her. Now that made me have to think about other aspects of the friendship and I said, okay, wow, did she not see it? Yeah, right, you go down that rabbit hole of like, did she not see? It.
Speaker 1:Yeah Right, you go down that rabbit hole of like, you start going down that rabbit hole and then my husband says something to me.
Speaker 3:He said, honey, you know what, don't worry about her politics, don't worry about her. That Unless you see that it's taking the friendship on a weird twist of something. If you can find out, because everything comes to a head. I don't think she's chomping now. She's not chomping now, so that's what happens.
Speaker 3:People sometimes have to have their own reality check and their own way of seeing what's going on and if there's a long enough friendship there, where there's a love and a value there, that you've seen great aspects of this person in there and you know they're good, like she's really a good person. I know that already. For someone just to have a different idea from you is not necessarily doesn't mean we have to toss them. It might mean that it's an opportunity to talk to them and get them to know, because it's probably something they just it's a miseducation, it's just probably something they did not know and no one really gave them the chance to be taught it. So they just stayed thinking the way they were thinking, walking down that rabbit hole they're walking down until someone said you know what, didn't you? We just had a great time. Now, what about this, this and this? Have you thought about this? I mean like, oh well, no, because my grandpa did that.
Speaker 1:And yeah and grandpa said it was right, yeah, this is what I've been told for years, and granny, granny was yeah, so that's what they did.
Speaker 3:Well, I never really thought about that. So I had a woman recently who I met in the design world, that that kind of thing happened. She and I just had a connection. She was great, she's a great designer, but she said straight up who her grandparents were and who they are and who they still are today, and she said it's just so crazy and I don't agree with any of that. She said what do you think about? So I found that she started calling me and talking with me in a very cool, unapologetic, very straightforward way and just wanting to talk to me about my life and what things are like, and and then tell me about how she's always felt different and and how, um, we just have to respect each other and and change. So in her family she's that person now.
Speaker 1:She's the one who's teaching, and that's what I was going to say because I have had some really close friends and I just completely cut them off because I feel like that piece was missing.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:If you're going to be an ally, don't be an ally to me in my face. Go, take those same ideals to your family and have those conversations.
Speaker 3:That's right, don't have it with me.
Speaker 1:I live it every day. I don't need to talk about it.
Speaker 3:Right, I know what I'm doing. Right, right, unless you're, unless you're trying to get some intel to go help your inner circle Right.
Speaker 1:But I didn't feel like this woman was doing.
Speaker 3:She was trying to ask me things, to have that conversation with them.
Speaker 1:I feel like go do your research like don't ask me I live it every day, have that conversation with your spouse, that you, you won't have those conversations with go have a conversation with your spouse. Go have that conversation with your in-laws, right. Go have that conversation with your family. I don't need to talk about it anymore. This is everyday life for me, so you must really care about that friend, because I know I've had some really good friends that I'm like excuse me, done.
Speaker 3:Like figure it out on your own Like sadly, sadly, I have some of those where it just to me it was like, uh, you understand, yeah, so you figure that out and and let me know, but the ones who do the extra mile. I have a lot of friends that were like, wait, wait, wait, I want to, I want to be there. So those are the ones that I and I have more of that than the other gotcha oh's good.
Speaker 3:So it's a good thing because I see how it has shaped who they are and how they are helping their other family. They're helping friends and family that didn't see things they're not like oh well, I didn't know. And so it feels crazy and at the same time it feels hopeful, because again we see we're being told that things are so this, but there's a lot of more of people, there's a lot more of us having likeness in the world, and I guess geography has a lot to do with it as well, because we do not have that experience.
Speaker 1:You know, we are in South Florida, we are down south and it is the twilight zone here, to the point where even conversations with my own, my son. I've been wanting to take him out of public school because some of the you know, sometimes people are like, oh, they need, like don't do homeschool, they need the socialization. I don't like the socialization that he's getting at a public school and he's at a very good public school. It's a highly coveted school. The kids apply to it. They have all these great programs.
Speaker 1:And he will come home asking us questions that are really political, and he just has these views on history and I think what did it for me is he came home like oh, because the holocaust was worse than. I'm like stop right there, and that next word better not be slavery.
Speaker 1:But that's where he was going and I'm like stop, stop so, and like he's come home asking about, like immigration, and I'm like what the heck is going on but these are conversations that they're having amongst their peers in the cafeteria and I'm like, okay, so now, now we he comes home and around dinner time, like homework, when we're winding down now every single day, it's like, all right, give me the tea, what's going on? And that's when he just like unloads, like okay so-and-so said.
Speaker 1:This is that true, and now we have to unpack and I have to change his perspective, because he's the minority in that environment, right? So if everyone around you is saying one thing, he's just right, along with his friends, and I have to ask okay, what? Is their background like who are you talking to? Because this is not the case for us. So let me give you the background story, let me show you what this really looks like, let me give you all of the details, and then you arrive at your own conclusion.
Speaker 1:So then, I'll tell him like okay, this is this, this is how it. This may be the case for them, this is not the case for you, this is not the case for your family, this is not the case with your background, this is what it looks like for you. And then he's like oh, so why would they do that exactly? So why? Would they so? The other day he was like but why would their? Parents vote for somebody who would do those things did they know? So now he's like people couldn't possibly know.
Speaker 3:I'm like honey they knew wow, it's like the root and all this yeah, the root awakening and all this stuff. It and what 10 right, he's.
Speaker 1:He's 12 now and I'm just like. This is a lot like I just wanted you to go to school and have a school experience like this is a lot to unpack and a lot of these conversations I'm not ready to have with him, but if we don't, I can already see somebody else is going to have that conversation and that's going to shape his view. So now we're highly selective with like who are you talking to who?
Speaker 3:are you playing with? Where are you?
Speaker 1:going. No, we're not going to so-and-so's house. You're never going to so-and-so's house, it's not happening and I just have to be very like yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right happening.
Speaker 3:We, we are our only, we're the only gatekeepers. Yeah, we have to be gatekeeper of our own children because they're going to learn certain things, they're going to see things, you know, unfortunately, when we're not around, you know stuff's going to happen a certain way, um, and we have to just kind of figure out how we're gonna have those talks and and make sure that we I think the main thing is keeping that open communication yeah, most definitely they will have those talks with us.
Speaker 3:The fact that that becomes after dinner type thing with your son, that is so wonderful and that's how it has to be. They have to be comfortable talking. We do that in the mornings, usually when we're getting ready, and it's like oh, so you know how was camp, so what was this? And you know we have those chats so we can see who's doing what, what kids saying what. I know one of the questions. I saw that when I was reading my sheet from before the.
Speaker 3:It was about one of the hardest experiences, and one of my hardest experiences was knowing that another little kid that I like and the mother is very cool. We all are just copacetic, everything's flowing and it's great. And then I find out her kid, though, was using bad language, was saying some things to my daughter that weren't appropriate. My daughter came back and she said I was like whoa, and I was like, oh, no. So this, this was probably one of the hardest days, because you have to sit back, you have to first, you have to breathe, and she, yeah, oh, remember, it's a kid. Okay, slow down, whoa, wait a minute. Run up on nobody's kid. That's not the way we do this. You can't fight kids, okay, okay, not appropriate, not apropos.
Speaker 1:Slow down.
Speaker 3:So you have to stop and you have to take a breath and then you have to take a beat because your kid is watching your response.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 3:And now you're shaping how this little person sees things. So I took a breath. I said OK, first I'm going to need you to tell me that story again. So slow down, tell me where you were, what went on before that, and then tell me that. So it gave me time to process.
Speaker 4:Okay, so I heard everything. I heard the whole thing the first time you got the tea Okay you got the tea?
Speaker 3:Oh heck, no. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This can't be happening, not with this kid, no Right. So I I asked for that breakdown, and that allowed me time to calm down and listen. Just hear what my kid was saying, other than the bad words. I could hear what? What went on first? Yeah, and that helped a lot, because then I could also detect this. It almost sounded like this kid was doing something or saying something they'd heard somewhere and then try it out. That's often happening. You don't know what's going on in other people's homes.
Speaker 3:And a lot of times the kids are trying out what they saw or heard, and that's what it felt like, and so it wasn't right, and so I don't know if this is right. So, doc, this will be something I can ask you. So what I did when this happened is I told my kid that, yes, she's correct, that was not the right language. And I said did you tell her that was not good? She said yes, mommy, I told her she cannot talk to me that way and that we don't use those words, those bad words, and we don't talk that way. And then I went, I said and did you walk away and tell her you weren't going to play or talk until she apologized, or yes?
Speaker 3:And I went and did something else and she was like well, and she tried to make a reason. And then she told her some other thing, like well, and if you tell your mom that, f her too. And I said what? That's where I lost my breath, that's where I lost my breath a little bit. I said, hold on, mama can't breathe, hold on. She said what? Oh no, she said what the wind. And I was like, oh, my God, and there's six. So that this was crazy and this is a kid. That that is not even her.
Speaker 3:You wouldn't even imagine that it's like a little Minnie Mouse and then hear a Minnie go and you're like that's not a Minnie Mouse trick so I had to to take that in. And I told I said you know what? Okay, I said I'm gonna have to do something about that. So I was debating okay, am I gonna call?
Speaker 3:her mom and say that and then put this weird you know little thing between mom like mess up our little relationship. Maybe put some weird you know little thing between the mom like mess up our little relationship, maybe put some weird energy between her and her kid to try to get the little girl you know, cause she shouldn't be saying that. I said, or is there another way? I said, well, I'm just going to wait and I'm going to, I'm going to actually see this kid in another day or so, and that's that's what happened. I ended up seeing the kid kid um one day, getting my kid and saw the kid there and another little kid and I said, okay, I'm just gonna make this a three-way talk. And I just said, hey, check this out. I said, little lady come. And she came and then my kids were sent. My kid was there and another kid, so it was good, so they all could hear it. I don't want to isolate too much. Right, it wasn't appropriate either. I didn't think I didn't want, know, to make the kid feel unbalanced, but she's very comfortable with me, so she's like, yeah, hey, she came over.
Speaker 3:I said, okay, I know that some language was used the other day that is not appropriate for kitties and young girls. We don't talk that way. She went oh, oh, I didn't say it. So I also said she immediately went to blame another kid.
Speaker 3:I said no, I, I know, I, I know where it came from and I know that that was something that you were part of and I want to say that I want you to promise me you will not talk like that anymore, because I have to talk to your mommy about that. And she said oh, okay, no, I won't say it, okay. And I said okay. I said that's, you're a lovely girl, you all are wonderful little people and you have so many great things to do in life and there's so many great words in the world. That wasn't one of them, so you're not going to use that, no more. Okay, you don't say, you don't say that one. And um, and she's like okay, and that was the end, and that's been over a year or so ago and that was the end of that okay, I haven't heard anymore.
Speaker 3:Now some people say well, you know, you should like don't address the child, yeah yeah, don't address the child and all that. I thought about all of that. I said, you know, but the child was right there and I just hey, you guys, I know some stuff was said and y'all understand that. Okay, that's all I'm gonna say.
Speaker 1:I don't want to have to call back up, so I'm just gonna say I don't want to hear about that anymore, and I mean you guys, it sounds like you all already had a rapport in a relationship, so in that case, if you're that that comfortable with parent, you guys have a relationship. I don't see an issue with that because later.
Speaker 3:Later, me and the mom did talk alone, we're on our own, and I just said hey, you know, I had this little thing and I just wanted to let you know. And I just told him no, you know, you know maybe we might've said some stuff that I didn't really go over the word.
Speaker 3:I just said just a bad word, just something. Oh my God, what is it? No, it was over a year ago. I said no, I just said I told all the kids they were all together that we don't use this language. I did a little banner yeah. General banner moment that went across, they all read the screen together and said, okay, in, and so it was okay. But, um, but, yeah, that's that's. That was probably one of the toughest mommy moments to date okay, because it was just a raw boom.
Speaker 3:It was so such a big word and a big expression and then threw me in there. I wasn't even at the scene. Yeah you catch your strays. Yeah, I'm getting you know getting a littlerapnel. I wasn't even on the scene. I was like why I got to be how did this happen?
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, I mean, if it stopped, that's perfectly fine. But, guess what Kids today they are exposed to too much.
Speaker 3:Oh my gosh, it doesn't stop yeah.
Speaker 1:So that's mild compared to what's to come. Exactly yeah, and the more people they socialize with, the more you just welcome those opportunities for something unsavory For them to share, yeah absolutely, and I mean. That's life. So it's better to practice now, while they're young, and it's good that your daughter had enough wherewithal to advocate for herself yes and I don't know that could be a part of like raising girls.
Speaker 1:I feel like girls have a lot more opportunities for those interactions. Sometimes we call it cattiness and things like that, but those interactions happen a lot more with girls and it becomes a back and forth because they are learning to advocate for themselves. So that's great that she's doing that at such a young age because on the flip side, my son when he has those encounters, he has a tendency to shut down and he won't advocate for himself and he is the type to be like.
Speaker 1:Well, I don't want to lose a friend, so I'm not going to say anything now that was they, that that does happen.
Speaker 3:I, having a girl and boy, I do see I see the boys having a different kind of conversation, normally not as tough as the girls, but but my daughter was in the beginning she's. She learned, I think, cause I worked with her and say honey, you are strong and you are wonderful, you're a great friend, you're a loving person and you deserve respectful friends that love and treat you great also.
Speaker 3:And when they don't treat you as well as you treat them, then you say goodbye, yeah, absolutely. And when they're coming at you, well, then they kept saying cause she went through that the first, you know? So crazy first grade.
Speaker 1:Look, and I have a 12 year old going through it, yeah, and you have a first grader going through it.
Speaker 3:Like you said, the girls, the girls, the girls start early, but she had to be trained and talked to or coached just like you're doing with your son that, hey, you need to take care of yourself. Take care of yourself. You'll get more of that because people will think that's okay to treat you that way, and it's not okay.
Speaker 1:So that was the main thing is not trying to necessarily build them for battle, but it is kind of teaching them to stand up for themselves, correct, and do it in a way that's gonna keep them safe and I, I feel like with my son and his age the boys middle school like fighting is not foreign to them at all so now it's like okay you don't want to push the envelope too far, because it can lead to a fight. It can lead to something major. We don't want to do that either. So we're just trying to find a way with him to strike the balance, because then you don't want to be seen as a pushover either, like he's a boy.
Speaker 1:So you don't want to be seen as a pushover you don't want to be seen as a tattletale you don't want to be seen as soft because you're talking about your feelings. So it's all these other things, all these other things, yeah normally I want to tell him, like, advocate for yourself, but then he's a boy, so that is not cool at their middle school age?
Speaker 1:to be saying, like you know, I don't like how you said that and you hurt my feelings like that is not well, you just have to teach him the and that probably will be one of your other books.
Speaker 3:Is the code language or the, the cooler versions of self-care and awareness?
Speaker 1:oh yeah, most definitely you can't say you know?
Speaker 3:hey, you just hurt my feelings. Say that you're gonna say you know what? That didn't feel good bro or that's not cool.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I told him yeah, that wasn't cool.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you said to me I'm your, I'm your friend, yeah so I'll say something that was kind of hurtful to your friend, you know. So, teaching them how to navigate the language, but still taking care of themselves, that is such a great point because, yeah, boys are not allowed often to express themselves in the same way that a young woman could, or young girl can right?
Speaker 1:yeah, it's definitely tough and I'm the type of mom like, even with all these behavioral hats that I wear, like yeah, that's my baby. So I'm the mom who will jump on the video game like. Who said what I was like? Oh my God, is that your? Mom, yeah, I will jump in the chat real quick, like on Fortnite and all Like. Give me this remote, because the kids they game on Fortnite and Fortnite is insane Like the. Anyway, that's a whole nother.
Speaker 3:But sometimes they Mine is doing the other one, they're doing that other one, the roblox and the yeah, that one gets a little.
Speaker 1:But with roblox it's more of a digital chat where they're typing to each other, but fortnight, when he's playing, they can talk through the controller now. So when they're in the game and when they open up the game, they can play with anybody who's online. So it's just people from everywhere, unless they like close the server and have a private server and then it's a group of them that they know. But when they open the server, you know you hear all kinds of stuff coming through this controller.
Speaker 1:And one day somebody said something, just so out of the way, I'm like give me this remote wow what oh see, I am not ready.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's why he does not have the console in his room. We keep it in the living room, which it drives me nuts, but I feel like I need to know what's going on. So he doesn't have like the gaming headset and that whole setup. He's in the living room. We all can hear it. So if we catch something especially if it's kids that we know I will hop on there there real quick Like oh wait, let me call your mama so she can hear it. Hold on. Say it again, I am that.
Speaker 1:So all of his friends are like ooh. Aj's mom, ooh.
Speaker 3:Oh, she adopted with all that science knowledge, but that's mean.
Speaker 1:Like I cannot, because you know, and the kids are so sweet when they're in front of you. And then they are just reckless and our son will turn right back around like can so-and-so come to my house? Absolutely not. No, the one who was on the game who said no, we like I'm still mad about it. My son has let it go. He's let it go. I'm still mad about it.
Speaker 3:That's let it go. He's let it go. I'm still mad about it. That's the same. This, this one, this kid. I was like oh my gosh, and I realized some kids just go at a higher speed. Yeah, you know, they might have older siblings or something, so they're learning. You know they're on the next level of conversation, when they really aren't. They pass that six-year-old. Yeah, oh yeah, they're talking stuff, you know, and you're like wait a minute, wait a minute. So it's. It's really difficult because you are not there. We can't be there every step. You know we are working, we're doing other things, they're in school without us, they're at camps, they're doing these things. So you really have to really teach them about advocacy and taking care of themselves when we have them around us and then just hope that they are following that system.
Speaker 1:Yeah, keep talking to them and watching them I just had a conversation with my sister a couple of days ago where you know, we always compare our upbringing to our children and the sentiment across the board and I know it's generational the sentiment across the board is like oh, these kids are soft, right. So I was telling my sister like one thing that initially I used to get upset, but now I'm, I'm learning, I'm getting another certification in what we call like trauma informed yoga.
Speaker 1:right, so we're taking, we're teaching people how to cope with different stressors and how to change behaviors through, like yoga, through a physical means of physically modifying your body and changing your breathing and using all of those techniques to really help with managing self-regulation and internal events is what we call it. So I was telling my sister before I took the class. That was one thing that really used to irritate me and agitate me with my son, because I'm like he is just so naive, like he's in this little bubble Most of the time, like things are like sunshine and rainbows and I'm like no like, and you cannot go out into the world thinking like the best of everyone. I'm just so afraid that people are going to take advantage of you. Like you need to advocate for yourself, you need to know how to spot bullshit from a mile away like you need to, and he's 12, so he's kind of like let him have, let him have, don't let him have a little bit of those rainbows?
Speaker 3:he's gonna have plenty of time to be right, right and that's. That's what I told her and let him enjoy, and you can also teach that, yes, you have to be aware of what's going on, but let him keep some of that internal joy that he has, because he's going to need that, and that's what I told her.
Speaker 1:I said when we were his age, we were definitely way more independent, right so, but we had a lot more responsibility. More independent, right so, but we had a lot more responsibility. We didn't have like our bubble, that that bubble was burst a long time ago for us. Right so he's still in his bubble and you know what I like him being in his bubble. Like he's still, he's having a childhood, and this is what childhood looks like.
Speaker 3:So I'm like exactly having. He's living his soft life right, right exactly let him live his soft life. There's enough of that hardness and yeah and all those other struggles to come and hopefully I'm still very hopeful that things will get better and brighter in their days. Later, when they're adults, they'll get past some of all this craziness and crazy dysfunction that we're dealing with, but we have to let them live some of that easy stuff. He should not have to be built up of all of this concrete and tough exterior stuff.
Speaker 1:He's definitely living his soft life.
Speaker 3:I love that. Let him live his soft life. I love that let him live his soft life let him do what he wants to pick the flowers, the roses and play with the turtles and cross the street with the little ducks. Let him.
Speaker 1:I just observe and I'm like oh, that's what you took from it. And he's just like yeah you didn't take a Calgon bath even one of his friends said something crazy to him in the classroom in front of everyone. Like it was around like his birthday and basically my son was giving out his invitations. The teacher said he could pass out the invitations and I already knew like the whole everybody needs to get an invitation, that kind of thing Like don't pass out invitations and not give it to somebody, so there were a couple of kids in the class where I knew their moms personally.
Speaker 1:I had spoken to the mom, I even spoke to the child, like the kids the day before, like you, guys are getting a digital invitation because the kids that I don't really know. Guys are getting a digital invitation because the kids that I don't really know and I don't really know their parents I'm sure their parents want something physical before they come to, like a birthday party. So if you were like really close friends and I was cool with your parents, you got the digital invite. And the kids, they all saw the digital invite in the phone. And then the kids where, if I didn't have their parents' contact information or if I didn't know the parents, but I knew the kids because sometimes I volunteer at the school then those are the kids that got the physical. Lo and behold, one of the kids who got a digital and I still don't get it to this day. He received the digital. I spoke to him get it to this day. He received the digital. I spoke to him. I spoke to his mom. He got the digital.
Speaker 3:You want to show somebody who had a hard copy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and when he saw the hard copies going out, he called my son the P word for not giving him the physical. Invitation Right, and he did it in front of everyone. Invitation right, and he did it in front of everyone but my son at the time.
Speaker 3:Mr sunshine and rainbows he doesn't even know what that is.
Speaker 1:So now the other kids are like don't let him call you that right it's like this is nothing he's like, right, yeah, just an animal. Yeah, it became like a whole thing. So now you have other kids who have obviously been exposed to more, like in their homes, and in their life and you know they are just outraged, my son is like he's coming to my party anyway. I love it. You know what?
Speaker 3:You know what AJ is going to change the world? Because he's going to do big things for that right there. Because if you have to see and take everything to heart, do you know how overwhelming and irritating that becomes so.
Speaker 3:Basically, his soft light is intelligently coated with a hard exterior. Yeah, because he is able to not sit there and take in that little stupidity. Yeah, let it rewire him, because everybody in the class is man. You need to punch him right? You didn't call your mom, he just said you know, and he's like that's okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I asked him about it because I'm like oh my goodness. He said it in front of everybody. He was like, yeah, and he got in trouble and so-and-so was really mad at him, and then so-and-so started picking on him and like it just became a whole thing.
Speaker 3:So he's popular too. Yeah, yeah, to have the other kids advocating for him. Yeah, he's a wonderful human, and it even though they all can't understand or express what they're experiencing. They're experiencing the magic of AJ yeah, absolutely so it's really beauty, gonna make me tear again. That is so beautiful to hear because that speaks to who he is. Yeah, what you've been building, what you've been, you've been nurturing with him, and then who he is, his own, his own coloring is coming through that yeah, and he's standing, so he's advocating for himself when he said he chose not to go down the rabbit hole yeah, and I even asked him.
Speaker 1:I'm like how did that make you feel? And first he was like well, what even is it? I was like another day, I got to figure that out.
Speaker 3:I don't really know how to explain that one, I know Okay, I can't help you there, but I love that. And what he said no, mama. Well, he was like well.
Speaker 1:I know his favorite rapper is so and so, and sometimes I think he just tries to be like him and I was like okay, so he was like I don't think he meant. I don't think he meant it, I just think he was just trying to be a cool kid wow and I was like so advanced okay can he not? Be a cool kid at your expense, like how do we Right, right?
Speaker 3:No, but it wasn't at AJ's expense, because AJ didn't take that in. Yeah, he didn't, so I think that's how we look at things, because that right there what he has at 12, I'm going to go ahead and share. I am learning how important that is as a grown ass woman. Okay, and not take everybody's stuff, as I think it's my birth sign too. I mentioned the astrology a little bit. Okay.
Speaker 3:Not that it's everything, but it is quite amazing because our body is, you know, 75% water and we could feel certain things and move certain ways due to the different tides and different things going on around us. I think there could be some rationale behind that, but anyway, my thought is that I also know I'm an empath, so I take in what's going on for everybody. I find myself, you know, working through, not being a people pleaser that's the thing I work on is doing what I need to do, doing for others, because I want to do, and do what I want to do, but not always need to be affected by someone else's view, someone else saying something that might not be what's happening because, people have their own crap.
Speaker 3:Like you said, that little kid's trying to be cool. He thinks that goofy rapper he's seeing is going to make his world easy where he can maybe get a girlfriend or a date at prom one day. Because he's going to try to be this person. Your son is able to see that that's probably not totally who he is, but he's trying to be something. He's trying to get attention. Yeah, and I'm confident with who I am and what I'm doing. I don't even know what that is, but I'm me, who I am and what I'm doing. I don't even know what that is, but I'm me. So I already know I'm me. So I don't need to run around the class and jump up and down or get excited and there are people that are going to do that to him.
Speaker 3:So I don't need to do it. I got my people. So I'm just going to be myself, and those who love me and know me know I'm myself. That is huge. That's a trait that, as a-up, that I am still experiencing and realizing, the more you can let go of what other people think and say, we are not responsible. Age is not responsible for what other people they think or say about him that's not his responsibility right, it's huge, and if he's doing that already hats off yeah, and he even let the kid I'm like probation, because he, that's huge.
Speaker 3:What he just said. Yeah, I was like you're gonna let this kid come to your party.
Speaker 3:Still, he was like yeah, he can come like okay, so mama, you step back, you let him have the forensic. Yeah, you can be watching, you can have the cameras on, you can be watching what's going on, but let him experience, and that's this is something I'm learning too. We have to let them have their experiences, and kids are just kids. Still, too, they are being shaped by what goes on around them. Yeah absolutely See some value in this kid still and their friends, then you have to let them and he does it with everyone.
Speaker 1:So that's why I'm like, oh, no, no that's that's him, that's that's they are mean, so it can be like the meanest kid and then the next thing you know that same mean kid is like AJ, can I come to your house? So now I'm trying to teach him to value himself a little bit more. So if you value yourself a little bit more, then you need to teach people how to how to treat you. So if they are treating you like they don't value you at that moment, then no, you can't come to my house, because you said this, you did this to me, it wasn't cool. So why are you treating me this way? But you still want to come over to my house. That's not okay.
Speaker 1:So if you want to if you want to come to my house and hang out and play games, and then you need to treat me this way. So I'm trying to appreciate aj. I think that's in him yeah I'm trying to pull it out because he is mr like for the most part. He is nonchalant, cool as a cucumber all the time, so I just find myself like I don't want to poison the well, like you know, to make him I don't know just agitated all the time and expecting the worst of people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, more defensive and always ready to think someone's coming for you, right, but at the same time, I'm like no, you need to value yourself and know that you are a cool kid.
Speaker 1:So people need to be cool with you consistently in order to gain access to you consistently, in order to gain access to you don't just give people access to you all the time just because just because they know you're going to be cool, they can treat you any kind of way if they're in front of like another group of friends that they want to impress, and then when they're with you, one-on-one, they can be themselves and and be cool with you. No, you need to be cool with me all the time He'll get there.
Speaker 3:He's just 12, and boys he's 12. Boys mature a lot slower than girls, so 12 is probably like still nine for a girl.
Speaker 1:Yeah, compared to the girls absolutely.
Speaker 3:It'll come, because I don't know. I know AJ's parents very well, family-wise AJ's parents very well, family wise. We're not going to let him falter at all, he's not going to do that either. I have a feeling that because I have a trait like that, I'd say probably easygoing, oh, she's easygoing, but if it's not right and if I have to get up, that's the thing. The easygoing ones can be the craziest.
Speaker 1:That too.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you're right about that. If stuff is not where it's supposed to be and they come wrong, the person come wrong and it's coming correctly and it's not right. It's like wait, hold on, here there's a problem. Otherwise, we allow people to be themselves, you allow people to be a part of your world until there's something that gets them put out of the kingdom. Absolutely so don't get put out of the kingdom, because then that's a whole other thing right.
Speaker 1:So what's the best um advice that you've received about motherhood? Because we're talking about all these philosophies and what we're pouring into our kids. What's some of the best advice that you've received?
Speaker 3:To listen. Okay To stop and listen to the kid. Let the kid, let the child have some say about what happens with or on something, instead of us always being ready to. No, you're going to do this, this and that this is what you do to stop. And actually, now you can. Now you can organize the question, you can plan it so that the the choices are the choices that you need them to be in line right while they're learning.
Speaker 3:But learning to self-teach or to to allow them to uh, is it self-soothe? I think there's something that they used to say to us when we had babies. Yeah, self-soothing absolutely. Self-soothing like teaching a baby that, because if you run in the room every time the kid cries, every time you know they're ah, you're teaching that behavior. Now, that's the behavior.
Speaker 4:The kid might start screaming or crying or whatever waiting for you to come in there.
Speaker 3:Now that's the behavior the kid might start screaming or crying or whatever, waiting for you to come in there. And so now the baby's damn near three years old and you still running in there every time because you do not know how to self-soothe, which starts from within.
Speaker 3:Yeah absolutely so this all winds up back to the parent. You need to work on whatever it is for yourself, for ourselves, to be comfortable in ourselves, to trust that we have been doing the work with our child, and now it's time to allow the child to use their brain and say this, like you could say, okay, we haven't had dinner yet, so no, I don't want to have the dessert right now because we haven't eaten. What do you think? Do you think it's a good time to have dessert right now?
Speaker 3:We have dinner and then leave, you know, or just giving them a chance.
Speaker 1:Yeah, give them choices that might have been a goofy.
Speaker 3:You know choice. I'm trying to think of something non-food related, but you know.
Speaker 1:I love food. Yeah, just giving them choices, giving them a chance to give that input, absolutely yeah, that helps with that intrinsic motivation and it teaches them that they can make decisions.
Speaker 3:And we want them to make decisions. I love that Exactly. It's letting your kids make some decisions and not saying I'm not perfect at it. I'm also working on it, because us type A moms which I know you are also, you know this already. I'm working on it Type A mothers, moms, which I know you are also type a mothers, and we're type AA, we're actually type AA mothers. So type AA mothers will have a tendency to already have the questions, already have the answers, already have the organization of when each question needs to be and da, da, da, da, da, da, da, and it can be stifling, or it can be an overload to the child who needs to be. And da, da, da, da, da, da, da, and it can be stifling, or it can be an overload correct to a child who needs to, who needs to incorporate their own ideas and thoughts into their day-to-day yeah, and so we figure out a way still keeping your kids safe.
Speaker 3:You know you don't tell them. Okay, now it's almost nine o'clock. If you want to go out, you know, go out, or your friend you're going to take an uber or something, it just be back that free range parenting. Yeah, I ain't talking about that.
Speaker 3:That's not my spiel, I'm not talking about that. That's not who I am and I'm not going to be ashamed, that's not who I am. Some parents will be the ones that send their kids, you know, back and forth at a young age, going I'm like, so that's okay, there are other ways that I can give my kid autonomy. So that's it, your kid figuring out the space and figuring out the proper aging for these things?
Speaker 3:Yeah, absolutely Four years old that's not necessarily the time to give the same type of open parameter of ideals and opportunity as you would to a 13 year old, Correct? You don't do that to a four year old, Correct? So being smart, and if you don't know any better then you better go a 13 year old you don't do that to a four year old. So, being smart, and if you don't know any better then you better go get somebody who does and get help. That's again. That's. The other thing is get help. If you're stuck, you're suffering and you're having a hard time doing this mommy thing, it's okay because there's no manual for it, but get help. There's too many opportunities to have someone to help you do this and make sure you do the research on who you're getting to help you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely. You have to be careful your homework is getting someone good.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you have to be careful. Yes, you know, get a referral or go somewhere to someone or someone that you think is a great parent. You're watching their kid. You see their kid being happy when they're not around, or you see that. You know you can tell in children because they don't really have filters to cover that. So you know if they're going through something that's good or bad so if you see it.
Speaker 3:You think is oh, and the kid is excelling, the kid's having fun and the kid is expressing that, then you think maybe their parent is a part of that. Then maybe meet that parent.
Speaker 3:Yeah, absolutely I love that and that because it takes. That's when your village thing it does take a village. It might be a village, you don't know very well, correct, but you're watching the interaction or you're watching the, the motivation and the movement of this kid who looks like they're motivated about being in life. Yeah, so someone is helping them feel good about that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 3:That person can help talk to you about what you're going through.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that. Okay, so, as we come to a close with our interview, I just want the listeners to know how can they contact you if they want to look into some of your products or if they want to follow you on social media. Can you tell us like a couple of websites or social media handles? What do you have if people want to contact you?
Speaker 3:yes, yes, so I do have. There's a couple ways. I'm trying to see if I have my. I know that in August, mid-august, I'm going to go. I guess I don't know if you call it a soft launch, because it will be the website, which is belleleasbeautycom, wwwb. As in boy, e-l-l-e, l, as in Larry, i-s-s-e beauty. So belleleasbeautycom will go live in mid-August, so coming soon. Right now I have belleleasbeauty, which is Belle, underscore, lease, underscore Beauty on IG that is open now and I have not put everything on the page yet.
Speaker 3:And for the first once, I get everything out on the page of the products that you can purchase the first, I think we're doing the first 30 people, the first 30 people that come on there will get an extra, you know, 15% off of their first order.
Speaker 3:Oh, nice and we're doing that just to entice people to come there, but right now I'm so busy making customized products for people I know in the school system like some of the moms and some of the parents who've had issues and I'm actually making things. So I had. So I'm getting ready to get back to putting this stuff online that I've got reviews of the products and once this stuff is out, you'll be able to go there. So on IG, you can DM me from that page, from that Belle Lease Beauty, you also can on the website. When that's up, you'll be able to communicate with me from there as well, okay, and then there'll be a belly. There'll be info at bellysbeautycom too, so all these things will be live. In the meantime, just dm me, just just go to the bellysbeauty um.
Speaker 3:One other thing I'll say I've been doing and that I enjoy is you mentioned yoga, and that's something very important. Anything that you can do to help your your core. As a singer and vocalist, you know, working with music for many years, yoga was something that we did to get people to be comfortable and open, that is. I'm so happy that you're doing that with the children too, that's huge, it's a calming, calming thing.
Speaker 3:So I just thought about that, for whatever reason, because I'm Okay, no problem. The namaste came to my mind, but yeah, so so get to me through those pages. That's the best way. Ig is the best way right now. Just DM me, be one of the first. You know 50 people on there to say hello and and we'll go from there.
Speaker 1:Okay, and there to say hello and and we'll go from there, okay, and then I'll make sure when the episode comes out, we'll be sure to tag those pages.
Speaker 1:So when your mom card comes out, we'll tag those pages and everyone will be able to see to get the link and and gravitate towards that page and and check it out, because you are doing some amazing things, you are juggling a million things and I'm just so thankful that you were able to carve out some time to come on the show and share your experience with us and our listeners, because hopefully you've inspired another mom who's like sitting on an idea and hasn't really made any moves yet, like it's possible. They can see that it's possible and hopefully they're inspired to pursue their own goals that they have, just how you've done.
Speaker 1:So thank you so much for sharing your time and coming on the show and sharing your experience with us.
Speaker 3:Thank you so much, dr Lori, for having me. I'm excited and I do want to keep up to when the show is going to air because I'll make sure that I you know it coincides with the date the site goes live, so that when they go there I'll have everything there. And yes, and you can do anything you can do, but you just can't do everything at once. Yeah.
Speaker 3:So you're taking up your first priority you got newborns this ain't for you. So if you're taking up your first priority you got newborns this ain't for you. Take care of the babies. You can't be making products with no new baby laying up there trying to be fed. That is not what I'm saying. Disclaimer disclaimer disclaimer.
Speaker 3:You don't start these things until the kid is a little bit more of age, or if you have health, or if you don't sleep like me. But you can still function. You know that's important. You need your sleep, you need your rest. So I'm going back to seven hours a night. I usually sleep five hours, but I'm going back to seven. Eight, eight is a bit much for me. It makes me a little bit, you know, crazy. So seven is my sweet spot. So get your rest and do this later.
Speaker 1:And it's good that you point that out, because a lot of times when you hear about different resources for moms, sometimes they're not realistic, right. So, anytime I have a mom on the show and they're doing some amazing things. I really want to know the inside out like be for real, because everyone's situation is not the same. So don't give us this false sense of hope that we can do all these things and certain things are not in place. So you know it's great that you point that out, that you know if you have little ones.
Speaker 1:You have newborns. You're probably up up every two, three hours trying to breastfeed or bottle feed or whatever this. This ain't for you.
Speaker 3:So it's great and I tried it and I'm telling you it ain't for you, because I tried it right like two, if my one, my daughter was like two and my son was like one and a half, you know not one, he was about one, I guess and I was like wow, I could start doing and I was half asleep when I said that maybe, maybe I should start trying to.
Speaker 3:And one of my girlfriends. She said, honey, you're not doing anything for those kids until they at least get to five Right or so five or seven, you know. She said, give yourself the time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 3:Don't try to do, and I was like, oh my God, but I got there's so much still I got to do, so I am getting here finally but I had to sit down. I had to be real and focus on just getting enough sleep. Getting enough sleep just for my body, Just, you have to recover.
Speaker 1:You need that every day, so rest, that's first.
Speaker 3:If you're not sleeping, get help with that, because that can mess up your brain, that shortens your brain span. They say it can shorten your life, not even your muscles.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, it definitely.
Speaker 3:I was just telling my son about that.
Speaker 1:This summertime schedule is kind of crazy right now and I'm like, yep, and you're killing brain cells, right, right, and I know.
Speaker 3:See, that's what I'm saying. Don't jump into this ship. I'm in right now because I'm still working on saving some of those cells. I know that I'm up too much. I have a friend. She's like did you go to bed? I'm like no, I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping. So I'm just working on that. And then at a certain time, as we grow up, the body changes. You'll find that your body will start saying okay, we need to lay down.
Speaker 3:Your body will start telling you go lay down now or you're going to fall down. You're like oh my God, I'm so tired, so I'm learning to listen to my body signals. Yeah, absolutely, and some days I just sleep longer, and some days I'm just great. I'm right at my six, seven hour thing, but when I need a nine hour, it's not often, but I take it Okay. So listen to your body and don't do it too soon. This is not for newbies.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, thank you again for everything. I appreciate it and I'm looking forward to the launch of this episode and the launch of your line. I'm really excited for you.
Speaker 3:Congratulations. Thank you so much and I'll see you soon and hopefully I'll come back.
Speaker 1:Right, absolutely. Hey everyone, it's your favorite BCBAD here, dr DeLoren, and I'm here to ask you to help us continue making great content for listeners everywhere by visiting wwwforshittymomscom, where you can make a monthly contribution. Make a monthly contribution also. Visit us on instagram, youtube, facebook and tiktok at for shitty moms and that's shitty. With an x, not an eye.