Truly a Masterpiece Podcast

From Shame to Freedom: Shane’s Story (Part 1) | Episode #054

• Craig Walker

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For 23 years, Shane lived trapped in an addiction to pornography.

He tried programs, accountability groups, Bible studies, discipleship, and every solution he knew to try. But no matter what he did, he could never go more than three weeks without failing again.

Then one day, his wife gave him a sobering ultimatum:

“You can have pornography, or you can have your family. But you can’t have both.”

That moment woke Shane up and gave him the courage to try one more time.

In this powerful and honest conversation, Shane shares how becoming a student of the Truly a Masterpiece Course helped him finally experience breakthrough. He explains the life-changing difference between confessing the symptom of sin and addressing the deeper root—unbelief.

Today, Shane is experiencing freedom, joy, and deeper love than he ever thought possible, and that freedom is now overflowing into every area of his life and relationships.

Shane said:
 “Knowing what I know now, I would have paid thousands of dollars for this training and considered it a bargain.”

This is Part 1 of a two-part conversation.

Part 1 is about finding freedom.
 Part 2 is about life after freedom.

If you’ve ever struggled with shame, addiction, self-doubt, or feeling stuck, this conversation will encourage you deeply.


Time Stamps

01:00 Meet Shane

3:31  A Year and a half free

3:39 The cost of self-doubt

04:41 Shane's mindset while living with the addiction

0:5:49 The ultimatum

06:31 How he was first introduced to pornography

07:05 23 years addicted and never more than 3 weeks without a failure

07:22 What he had tried to find freedom

08:32 What motivated Shane to try again

09:37 "I knew I needed to solve this porn problem... but I got so much more"

12:23 Nowhere else to turn

13:20 The effects on his wife

14:00 The breakthrough

16:51 Shame speaking louder than truth

18:04 Struggled with "unbelief" but he was not an unbeliever

19:37 "In Christ" is enough

19:49 the change was almost instant

20:32 Free indeed

21:05 My heart posture is what caused the change... it wasn't my words

21:43 Two surprising things Shane was never asked to do

24:12 Truly a Masterpiece is not theropy


Connect with Craig @CraigWalkerCaoching

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Sign up for the Truly a Masterpiece Free Workshop: Why Self-doubt Keeps Returning and How to Finally Break Free https://craigwalkercoaching.com/workshop

Join the Masterpiece Brotherhood Men's Group: https://craigwalkercoaching.com/brotherhood

SPEAKER_00

Hey friend, welcome to the Truly a Masterpiece podcast. I'm Craig Walker, founder of Craig Walker Coaching, author of the book Shameless, The Life You Were Born to Love, and the creator of the Truly a Masterpiece Course and Podcast. Now, if you've ever wrestled with self-doubt or shame, that voice that whispers that you're just not enough, or maybe the fear that people are about to figure you out, you're in the right place. I feel your pain. For most of my life, I lived with fear and insecurity until one night in 2014 when I told God, enough. Like Jacob, I wrestled with him until he gave me the insights that changed everything. Today, by his grace, I live with more confidence, love, and joy than I ever thought possible. I want to help you do the same. Each week I'll share biblical truths, practical tools, and real stories from people who are just like you, but they won their battle with shame and self-doubt, and they're living that life that God created them to love. So grab a cup of coffee, settle in. This is going to be fun. Let's get started. Well, thank you for joining us today at the Trudy of Masterpiece Podcast. My name is Craig Walker. I am your host today. I am with Shane Darty. Shane is a graduate of the Trudy of Masterpiece program, and I had the privilege of watching the transformation of this man's life. And I just knew everyone else needed to hear this story as well. So, Shane, why don't we kick it off and uh let you introduce yourself, tell everyone who you are.

SPEAKER_01

Well, appreciate it, Craig. Thanks for having me. Shane D'Aharty, I'm 31. I'm married to my beautiful wife, Caitlin. We've been married going on uh this August will be 10 years. Got uh three kids. So my oldest, Roman, he's eight and a half, and then my daughter is uh gonna be six, and then I have a three-month-old born and raised here in Dallas.

SPEAKER_00

Congratulations. Yeah, what's his name? What's the last one's name?

SPEAKER_01

Levi. Levi. Roman, Haven, and then Levi.

SPEAKER_00

Okay. Tell us what you do for fun. Do you have any fun around your house?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, so uh when I can too, I like to go to the gun range. That's pretty fun. I'm not a gun expert by any means, but I enjoy getting out and and shooting. I like to read books. So anything on leadership or faith or personal development is always a good thing for me. Anything related to family, serving at the church, uh just kind of hanging out outdoors. I'm I'm very calm, relaxed, laid back. So, you know, I just try to I just try to kind of you know stay out of trouble and do something pretty much calm outdoors, or you know, uh kind of getting a book here and there. So that's what I tend to do for fun.

SPEAKER_00

Hey man, I just came back from you just mentioned shooting. I I gotta give this uh plug. I just came back from MCRD in San Diego. My grandson just graduated uh Marine Corps boot camp. He's our third to graduate, our son and two grandsons, and they all three graduated with um uh expert marksmen, and so we're proud of them. We kind of brag about it and say, of course, they're walkers, they've got to be expert marksmen. We all we all shoot, we are just bragging, I know.

SPEAKER_01

That's great, and that was a good picture, too. Oh, you got the star line. Yeah, yeah. No, you you texted it to us. Oh, that's right.

SPEAKER_00

I did, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

You texted us.

SPEAKER_00

We're super proud of him, and uh yeah, yeah. Shane, you and I met, I'm thinking it's about a year and a half ago. Is that correct?

SPEAKER_01

It sounds about right. I think it was January of 2025, if I'm not mistaken. It was around there, maybe early February, but yeah, coming up on a year and a half.

SPEAKER_00

Well, let me set this up because this is kind of jumping right in the interview. When we spoke, you had shared that you had an addiction with pornography. And and then I asked you something after we talked for a while. I just kind of asked you a clarifying question. Just looking out, let's just say you could look out a year from now, and what if you decide you're just not going to do anything about it? I you know, that's just the way I am, can't change, forget it. What's what's life look like for you a year from now if you do nothing? And I I remember your response. You remember too, don't you? I'd be divorced. You said, I'll be divorced, yeah. Said okay. I said, Well, that clarifies it. Yeah, and uh I I knew from what you'd already shared that if we got to work together, I knew that the program was a good fit for you, that you and I would be a good fit for each other. And so uh I was looking forward to that. Walk us through what was going on in your life at that time, take us back to before coaching started, what was life like for you?

SPEAKER_01

Absolutely. So I'll I'll take it back about a year prior, a mutual friend of ours, which he's actually a graduate of the program. We met for coffee, and I don't remember the nature of the conversation, but I opened up, told him my story, he told me his, and somewhere along the way, we were talking about you know my struggle with pornography. And I remember he told me about you here's what he does, here's the name of his coaching. I think you could benefit from it. And I'll tell you what, uh, you know, for a year I held on to that business card. Normally, about every three months or so, I tend to go through my wallet and empty everything out, but your business card always stayed there. And I think there was one point too, my wife washed my wallet by accident, and everything in there was totally destroyed. Some of my visas and other stuff. Funny thing is your business card was still intact. So I I truly believe that God wanted me to go through your program. So, fast forward a year later. In short, what ended up happening was my wife and I, we I don't want to say it was an argument, but we were talking. She pretty much said, Hey, it's it's either us or porn. Like you need to make a decision and you need to figure this thing out.

SPEAKER_00

You kind of laid down the gauntlet.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And I look back at that time and and I'm super proud of her because she was willing to just say that boldly. Of course, I'm choosing you guys all day. Yeah. And it just put this sense of urgency. Like, I need to figure this out. And I remember I talked to her about it. Hey, you know, I think I'm gonna call this guy, and she said, Of course, give him a call.

SPEAKER_00

How did you get started in pornography to start with? How did how'd this get into your life?

SPEAKER_01

First grade. Um, an extended family member. Yeah. An extended family member. Um, I was uh in L so in elementary school, I would walk home or ride my bike home. An extended family member had their computer open, and I logged in to go watch or to play you know math games that we would do at school. And personally, when I opened the computer was a pornography site, and that's where it started.

SPEAKER_00

You and I met, you were how old?

SPEAKER_01

Um 30, 29, turning 30, or I maybe just turned 30.

SPEAKER_00

23 years then. 23 years in into this addiction. Um had you had you tried other things to break free?

SPEAKER_01

I did.

SPEAKER_00

What had you done before?

SPEAKER_01

Uh regeneration. Yeah, great program. Took me about a year and a half to go through it, but I did all 12 steps. There were a few other discipleship programs there, and then I did one-on-one accountability with a really good friend of mine. He he agreed to walk with me for a year, and he did, and I owe him so much because of just his time and and love and friendship, yeah, support that he gave me in that whole year. Grateful for his friendship. And then we also did a few different, or I think I did maybe one or two men's Bible studies along the way.

SPEAKER_00

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01

And so each of those times I had always confessed, but again, I felt like a lot of what was happening.

SPEAKER_00

You've been through regen discipleship programs, small groups, uh, one-on-one discipleship. What was that? How did it work for you? What was the you told me one time how long the longest you had ever gone and without viewing porn? And I was shocked.

SPEAKER_01

Three weeks.

SPEAKER_00

Three weeks, yeah. Three weeks and 23 years. That's amazing.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah, the longest I had ever gone.

SPEAKER_00

Uh so what was your mindset? What was your mindset then when we met? I would think at that point, it was like, I'm just stuck. I I can't I can't change. Did you feel like that?

SPEAKER_01

Thousand percent. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

How did you overcome that mindset to say yes to me? Yeah, I'm I I know you had the motivation, your wife had thrown down a gauntlet. Uh, it's either us or porn, you got to choose. And so, okay, that's really big. But there's something inside of you also, and I'm just asking because I don't know the answer to this. What what gave you that uh motivation to take that step? Say, I'm I'm gonna try again.

SPEAKER_01

I was tired. I was very tired of it.

SPEAKER_00

Um you were whoop, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, like yeah, I was exhausted. You know, now I can put words to it. At the time before we met, I couldn't, you know, and I know we're gonna get to this probably here in a bit, but what your program I went in thinking I need to solve this pornography issue, but I got so much more, and solving the pornography was just a byproduct. So again, I know we're gonna kind of dive into that here in a bit, but well, I like you saying that.

SPEAKER_00

I you hadn't told me that before, but I'm I'm glad to hear that. I I do know it's true.

SPEAKER_01

I I got so much more than just tackling the pornography, but again, I can put words to it now. Previously, I couldn't. I mean, between the shame and just the condemnation that you feel after you watch the pornography, and then sometimes it can be a daily thing, you know. Maybe you go, for example, the three weeks that I went, you know, where and probably happened once or twice. I actually went that long, and I thought I was doing a great job. Like, only wait, you know, I'm I'm three weeks free kind of thing, you know. Um, and then you turn right back to it. Whatever the time period that you know that I went, but I turned back, it was just that feeling after. I I just felt like there was such a huge weight on my shoulder when I called you. I just I was exhausted.

SPEAKER_00

Okay. Good deal. Well, when we went through the training, you were faithful. Uh, it didn't take you three cycles to get through it. You came in, and and I is this true partly because it was one-on-one, you and I together, it was easier to show up week after week than into a group. Is that true? I'm I'm fishing here, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01

I would say that's part of it. Uh, I think other part of it too is just my personality, right? Or or my character, not personality, but characters like if I tell you I'm gonna be there, I'm gonna be there. Okay, right. So, and plus the fact is I'm not I'm not gonna make an investment and not show up.

SPEAKER_00

You know, I learned that early on. I used to do this for free, and then I charged kind of a stipend and that didn't make a difference. And only when I started charging for it, and you know, you know this, uh, maybe most of our listeners don't. We're a 501c3, we are supported by donors. Uh, this ministry is largely supported by donors, so this program cost about a third of what you could get it anywhere else, and it's still a commitment, and it was hard for me to charge anything because I said, Yes, I'm being supported by donors. And but that I'm glad you said that because when people make the investment, they show up.

SPEAKER_01

Absolutely, and you know what, Greg, your your program, I think I would pay for it a thousand times over again. I think it was well worth the money um that I invested into it. I I seriously, I'm not just saying this for your show or the podcast or to make you feel good. I was seriously kind of at my ends there, that I just didn't know where else to turn to get rid of this whole pornography thing. Like that's that's how bad it had gotten. And I just I was stuck. Yeah, so I struggled.

SPEAKER_00

I struggled with the low self-worth for 58 years, and I came to the place that I said, I will pay anyone ten thousand dollars that can help me break this, break free. I wasn't addicted to anything, I just knew I was tired of second guessing everything, being stuck on major decisions, and I literally meant that. If someone can help me, it's worth it because I know I'm capable of more. This self-doubt's got me stuck, and it did, and that's what I'm saying. I agree. So I I think it's yeah.

SPEAKER_01

That's how I felt I would pay any amount of money just to to to figure this thing out. I mean, for my wife, I and I knew this, she may have told me along the way. I mean, it didn't come up for some time before your program, but I knew how she felt, even though even though I got to a point where she's like, hey, that's your battle, and I'm gonna give you grace. But deep down, I know she's saying that to be supportive, but deep down, I really I mean, if you really asked her and she was, you know, candid with me, she could say no, I like I don't feel safe, I don't feel seen, I don't, et cetera, et cetera. Right, I I knew that. And so if whatever amount of money it took to to make her feel the opposite, to me, I mean, that's just it's worth it. So again, I would do, I'd pay that a thousand times over.

SPEAKER_00

You know, it was so thank you for saying that. Yeah, often when people go through the training, there is I I really I can see it when it happens. There's a point, it's a turning point, and it's different for almost everyone when they kind of got that. They have that aha moment. Like, I get it. Sometimes it's early in the program. The earliest was like the first week, and that just happened with a new client. It's like the first week. So my gosh, that is it. And he's been doing great ever since. He's gonna finish it and he's learning, he's he's getting the rest of it, but he felt like he got it the first week, and I think he did. Uh I've had others go all the way to 12, all the way one to go all the way to 16. Most everyone, it's around that fourth or fifth week, and and I don't remember the exact week for you.

SPEAKER_01

I was just about to though if you remembered.

SPEAKER_00

You remember?

SPEAKER_01

No, I was gonna ask you, do you remember which week I was on?

SPEAKER_00

No, I don't. I I I can remember it. It was probably about one-third, it or maybe even just a quarter of the way into it, and that's often a turning point for a lot of people. What was what was the turning truth, the turning, the pivot point for you in the training?

SPEAKER_01

Confess the root and not the fruit. So you told me you said most people they confess the fruit of the sin and not the root of the sin. So that could mean I watched pornography, and after I felt guilty and ashamed, and I said, Okay, God, I won't do this again, I promise you, right? And I'm confessing this to you, Lord. Forgive me, I lost pornography, and yeah, and I'm moving on, and that's it. And and that was me. I was confessing the root, but or excuse me, the fruit. And when you told me, you know, that day when we when we met for our session, that's what we talked about. And that night, what he's saying makes sense. And this whole time I've just been confessing the fruit. Let me really think about this. And so I sat there and and I don't know how long it could have been 10 minutes, 15 minutes, but I know I was there for a period of time really thinking about this, and also I've been thinking about it throughout the day. But if I've been confessing the fruit, what does it look like to confess the root? And what is the root? And I don't know if you remember this too, Craig. I also had been telling you, I think at the beginning of the program, I just didn't know where else to turn. I didn't know where to start. I I didn't know what tools, like I just felt stuck in that regard. That that where do I begin? What do I need to confess? Like, how how do I get rid of this? And so that night, I actually I just it took me some time, but I finally got there. And later on we had talked about it, but it came down to my unbelief. And that was the root of it, is that I I truly had believed that the price that Jesus paid on the cross didn't cover me, or at least, you know, I wasn't good enough to receive that gift.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, a lot of people that's that's a good turning point for them because they get stuck. We say we believe and we, you know, we're saved by grace through faith, but uh somehow it's just the American way, but I've got to do something, and that do something instead of just accept is one of the things that keeps people hanging out and not able to change. And so for you, it was recognizing that and confessing, I just don't believe was that that was hard to say. It is for a lot of people, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, it's very hard to say because you know, you you you accept Jesus at one point and you kind of go through your walk, and then for me in this case, I accepted him when I was 19, which was back in I think it was 2015, maybe I think it's when when I was 19, or excuse me, uh yeah, 19. So that might have been 2014. Um times went so but I think it was around 2014, and then here I am just you know, this last year, I'm over here saying, you know, the the root is that I don't believe.

SPEAKER_00

So they're thinking yeah, and I want to be quick to say this. I know people could get the wrong idea. We you were not, and I was not saying that you are not a believer, you're not born again. I think you genuinely were and are. Uh, but to believe to the extent that it covered even this sin, and this sin, he can help you win over this sin. That was the unbelief, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_01

Yep, yeah, you're you're spot on with that. So I I believe Jesus came down, you know, he was here in the form as a human, right? Went to the cross, died for our sins, he shed his blood. I believe that a million times over, but to your point, I just didn't believe that price he paid covered my sin or pornography. And that that's where uh the unbelief and the struggle was. And so that night when I confessed it, so uh quick thing too, it's like, yes, it's hard to admit that, but I had been admitting hard things, kind of you know, confessing things to God for all the years before that, going through regen and discipleship programs, men's Bible studies, and all that. There was a period where I was depressed and I was really angry with God, and I was confessing things that were pretty harsh, and I was talking to God pretty harshly. So saying this that night, it wasn't as hard, but it was still hard to kind of realize that and say, okay, this is where I am. But when I did that that night, it changed everything. I I confessed that to the Lord, Father God, you know, please forgive me my unbelief that I just don't believe that the price you paid on the cross covers me. I believe that I've been unworthy. I believe that my sin was greater than you, right? And so when I confessed that to him that night, it changed. And uh it just happened like that. I tell you, it's nothing I did because I'm I've been over a year in sobriety from pornography, which has now been a year and three, going on a year or four months.

SPEAKER_00

From three weeks, you gotta be proud of that.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, yeah. You know, and now I can sit at my desk and I don't think about it. Whereas before I could be working and my legs tapping, or I'm messing with something, you know, all from like just fingers and and you know, just I I was just very unsteady, and it was always on my mind. I I just had this this eagerness to go and watch it, and and now I can I can sit at my desk and not think about it, and I can go weeks and months without thinking about it. And then of course the temptation comes, you know, and and I combat that now. But before it was like I would just give into it because it was always on my mind, but it happened overnight. It was like one day I woke up and I didn't have the desire to watch it anymore. Yeah, it it changed everything once I confessed the root of it. And and so to to make this clear too is that it wasn't so much of me going to say, like, okay, Lord, I'm confessing this to you. It's my own belief, and that's it. I think it was my heart posture, and the fact that I was willing to humble myself and lay that down in front of him is what led to you know the the restoration and the healing. I agree, right? And so I think that's what made all the difference is I was willing to humble myself before God.

SPEAKER_00

I think there's a couple of things that worthy of pointing out, and that's different what you went through with me, and and and for anyone else that I might wind up talking to in the future. Something that I never asked you to do. We never tried to go back and find out where this started, and so that we could retrain you from that point and and bring you forward from discovering all the layers and stuff that were behind it. So we didn't have to get to that root. We're not we're not talking about. The root of how it started, or anything like that. We're talking about the root of the root problem that existed today or the day that you confess this was just unbelief. But I'm not talking about going back and digging through the layers and uncovering how you hated your mother or your mom, you know, wasn't there for you. I'm not talking about any of that stuff. We didn't go into any of that stuff. That that wasn't necessary, and I don't think that is necessary. We built on the truth that and the truth will set you free. And that's that's what you did. And the second thing that that I didn't do and I don't do is I don't hold you accountable. I I didn't ask you to show up every week and tell me, did you watch porn or not? And often you would come and tell me, and and periodically I asked, How are you doing? But keeping you accountable wasn't the issue either. It's it was solely based on knowing the truth and then applying it to your life in such a way that you could you actually were transformed. It wasn't a transition like I'm getting better, getting better, getting better. Literally, you experienced transformation, and that's what happens from the inside out, and that's what the truth will do. The scripture says that you renew your mind and uh let God make you into a new person by changing the way you think. Literally, you just learn to think differently, and that's what set you free.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, and and we talked about another verse that was very foundational for me was Romans 8 1. So we talked about that. Um, that's just so much that I lived in so much condemnation. Yeah, but for those no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, so that was very foundational for me. And and you know, everything we had talked about in Romans, um, that was that was huge. But yeah, I I think that's a great point. You know, that that was one of the things you made very clear was that we're not gonna, I'm not a therapist, right? Like we're not gonna dive into all these things in your past and you know to tell me how your childhood went here. Okay, how do you feel about this? Like we got down to the truth of you know, I think you said, well, where are you at today? And then, okay, and then let's kind of work through here. And and that's a lot of what we did was talk about biblical truth and how that translates and translates into where I'm at today and what I was going through.

SPEAKER_00

Well, that concludes part one of this two-part uh conversation with Shane Darty, breaking free from addictions. I'm so grateful you were here today. Make sure, if you've not already, that you subscribe so you'll be notified as soon as part two is available. And again, thank you for being with us today, and we look forward to seeing you next week. Until then, may the Lord help you to live that life that you were born to love.