Chapter 7 - Skill 4 : A Mature Love (The Wholehearted Journey)
Feb 01, 2022
Joel
START READING/LISTENING TO THE BOOK NOW FREE... @ joeljohnson.org
Experience the cathartic journey of realization, forgiveness, and emotional growth I undertook after being hurt by two individuals from my past - George and Brody. I was consumed by bitterness and self-blame, simmering in the fires of anger. But when I understood the real root of my anger, forgave myself for ignoring the red flags, and let go of my self-blame, I discovered a path to emotional freedom.
The second half of this episode illuminates the healing process that follows forgiveness. It's not merely about extending absolution to those who've wronged us; it's about forgiving ourselves first, mourning our losses, and then, offering forgiveness to the offenders. It's crucial to remember that forgiveness doesn't always lead to reconciliation; it's a gift we give ourselves, freeing us from the shackles of resentment. Towards the end, join me in a heartfelt prayer of healing and restoration, as we invite God's love to mend our broken hearts. This episode is not just a tale, but a journey of self-discovery, emotional growth, and the essentiality of understanding and embracing the full spectrum of a person's qualities.
START READING/LISTENING TO THE BOOK NOW FREE... @ joeljohnson.org
Experience the cathartic journey of realization, forgiveness, and emotional growth I undertook after being hurt by two individuals from my past - George and Brody. I was consumed by bitterness and self-blame, simmering in the fires of anger. But when I understood the real root of my anger, forgave myself for ignoring the red flags, and let go of my self-blame, I discovered a path to emotional freedom.
The second half of this episode illuminates the healing process that follows forgiveness. It's not merely about extending absolution to those who've wronged us; it's about forgiving ourselves first, mourning our losses, and then, offering forgiveness to the offenders. It's crucial to remember that forgiveness doesn't always lead to reconciliation; it's a gift we give ourselves, freeing us from the shackles of resentment. Towards the end, join me in a heartfelt prayer of healing and restoration, as we invite God's love to mend our broken hearts. This episode is not just a tale, but a journey of self-discovery, emotional growth, and the essentiality of understanding and embracing the full spectrum of a person's qualities.
Speaker 1:
Chapter 7. Skill 4. A Mature Love. I was angry. I was still frustrated with those two men who had betrayed me years ago. I don't go into as much detail here as I do in the book, but my first steps towards freedom from this anger and bitterness towards these two men was to understand where my anger was truly stemming from. We'll call these two men George and Brody. What I discovered was that I didn't hate them. What I truly hated and was angry about was the fact that they were able to hurt me so deeply. I felt so foolish for naively putting myself in a position that would ever allow them to do anything like that. The fires of my anger were being fueled by a billet of self-shame. Deep down, I knew better than to trust them. I was mad at them, but I was twice as angry with myself.
Speaker 1:
I had noticed subtle things over the last few years. You know character flaws, warning signs, little red flags, and I had ignored them. I believed the best in them Instead of trying to assess the truth and then navigate the relationship in light of where each of them were presently at. I ignored the red flags because I wanted to see the good in them, and now it was costing my heart dearly. Everyone has varying levels of maturity in different areas of life. For example, someone can be quite mature spiritually, but can be immature emotionally, relationally or in a myriad of other areas. Instead of seeing the whole person flaws and awe, I chose to see them mainly through the limited perspective of their maturity, while glossing over their immaturities. The byproduct of this was a state of selective sight, the practice of veiling others inadequacies by focusing primarily on their strengths Inside. I knew who these men were. I knew their nakedness, but, like the crowds in the tale of the emperor's new clothes, I chose to overlook it. I had to learn this the hard way that when someone exposes who they really are, I should believe them and so should you. So for the rest of this chapter, I describe how bitterness affected my life and I couldn't break free.
Speaker 1:
The very first step of breaking free from bitterness is forgiving yourself. You've got to forgive yourself and don't blame yourself or feel ashamed of what you didn't know prior to learning it. The second thing that we have to do is we have to grieve the loss, because there are some very serious losses that we've had because of these situations and scenarios and we feel naive and we would do it differently if we could. And there is real loss involved. Maybe it's time, maybe it's a season of your life, maybe it's money, it's a lot of those things. But we have to first forgive ourselves, then grieve the loss and, thirdly, we have to learn to forgive them. Let me just say one word on forgiveness.
Speaker 1:
Forgiveness is not reconciliation. Forgiveness can lead to reconciliation, but doesn't require it. For reconciliation to occur, trust must be rebuilt. Forgiveness is a one-player game. Reconciliation is a two-player game and requires time for trust to be rebuilt.
Speaker 1:
Forgiveness is primarily a gift to the forgiver, not the offender. It sets the forgiver free. It says to the offender what you did was wrong, it hurt, it matters, but I'm choosing to let you and what you did to me go free. When you forgive, you free the offender from the pretend prison you've placed them in and return to yourself the hours you've wasted playing prison guard to someone who was never really there. Yes, forgiveness is setting a prisoner free and then discovering you were in actuality the prisoner. For your own sake, you must forgive, but forgiving someone doesn't mean that you must be reconciled with them. Reconciliation requires that trust be rebuilt first. Then, after you've forgiven yourself, you've grieved the loss and you've forgiven the offender. It's time to let God love you really well in that place of brokenness and need, and, my friend, he surely will if you ask him.
Speaker 1:
Jesus is the healer of the heartbroken and he loves, and it is his mission to heal every broken place within. Why don't we ask him to do that now? Jesus, I invite your presence into this area of pain, loss and hurt. You can name the specific place or area if you'd like to pray along with me. I choose to forgive. You can insert their names right there. What they did to me was wrong, it hurt and it matters. I choose to release them now into your hands. I choose to let them and the circumstances go. I give it all to you, god. I invite you, jesus, and your powerful presence, father, into all the wounded and broken places in my heart. Heal me, restore me and make this area of my heart whole. In the name of Jesus, I pray Amen. This skill is essential, and downloading the introduction in the first chapter will help you become so much better at this skill. You can do that for free right now at JoelJohnsonorg.