The Whole Shebang
3. Transforming Fear: Unlock Potential, Purpose and Joy
Listen. We've all got fear. Or maybe I should reframe this... we all have things we avoid and/or fear. THOSE things are what hold us back from our greatest power and potential. And until we're able to walk through everything we avoid, we are missing out to say the least. Life has more for you. So much more.
So, it only makes sense that in this episode, we take a look at what's holding us back and the things we're avoiding. We grab the bull by the horns and explore a very specific tool that will help you overcome fear, guided by the wisdom of thought leaders like Deepak Chopra and Phil Stutz.
I share some of my latest fears and hurdles, and of course take a few tangental turns discussing the importance of not compromising yourself in relationships, along with the secret and power of following nudges and breadcrumbs in guiding us towards our dharma and purpose.
Last but not least, we're going to dive into the potent tool of the Reversal of Desire by Phil Stutz. Imagine turning pain into energy, propelling ourselves into action. We'll explore how to use this tool in our daily lives, and how to rewire our neural pathways for courage.
By the end of the episode, you'll have a fresh perspective on fear and a host of strategies to harness it. So, get ready to confront your fears and step into a life full of potential, passion, and fulfillment!
Show Notes Resources:
The Tools: Transform Your Problems into Courage, Confidence, and Creativity
Creating Affluence: The A-to-Z Steps to a Richer Life by Deepak Chopra
Tools Explanation Video
SUBSCRIBE and WATCH on YouTube
Follow Us!
Jennifer's Instagram
The Whole Shebang Instagram
Listen. We've all got fear. Or maybe I should reframe this... we all have things we avoid and/or fear. THOSE things are what hold us back from our greatest power and potential. And until we're able to walk through everything we avoid, we are missing out to say the least. Life has more for you. So much more.
So, it only makes sense that in this episode, we take a look at what's holding us back and the things we're avoiding. We grab the bull by the horns and explore a very specific tool that will help you overcome fear, guided by the wisdom of thought leaders like Deepak Chopra and Phil Stutz.
I share some of my latest fears and hurdles, and of course take a few tangental turns discussing the importance of not compromising yourself in relationships, along with the secret and power of following nudges and breadcrumbs in guiding us towards our dharma and purpose.
Last but not least, we're going to dive into the potent tool of the Reversal of Desire by Phil Stutz. Imagine turning pain into energy, propelling ourselves into action. We'll explore how to use this tool in our daily lives, and how to rewire our neural pathways for courage.
By the end of the episode, you'll have a fresh perspective on fear and a host of strategies to harness it. So, get ready to confront your fears and step into a life full of potential, passion, and fulfillment!
Show Notes Resources:
The Tools: Transform Your Problems into Courage, Confidence, and Creativity
Creating Affluence: The A-to-Z Steps to a Richer Life by Deepak Chopra
Tools Explanation Video
SUBSCRIBE and WATCH on YouTube
Follow Us!
Jennifer's Instagram
The Whole Shebang Instagram
Oftentimes, when we're avoiding things, it gets bigger and bigger and bigger in our minds. The longer that you avoid the thing, it will grow and then eventually it will chase you down. If you don't face this fear now, you are going to be given another opportunity, and another, and another, and another, because life wants you to evolve. That is nature's way that you would evolve and strengthen and be more full of life and energy, and so if you don't face this now, you will have to face it later. So you might as well face it now and get on the other side of it. Hello, it's me, your host, jen, and fellow journeyer on this path of learning how to reintegrate the divine, feminine energy into the boardroom. So we'll talk about things like conscious capitalism and leading with vulnerability and awareness and connection and play. We'll be diving into the bedroom. So basically, we're going to talk about the horizontal mamba and, all seriousness. We're going to look at how to create a deeper level of intimacy and connection in your romantic partnerships, but also in all of our relationships. I think we've become so disconnected, so how do we gain that in our relationships? And then we're going to look beyond that into any tool or practice that helps us become more magnetic and more full. So manifestation techniques, meditation and personal development approaches that will help us move through challenges to step into our brightest, fullest, most magnetic version of ourselves. It's all the things. It is the whole shebang. So buckle up buttercups, we're diving in.
Speaker 1:I'm excited to dive in to some fun stuff with you today, and by fun I mean your biggest fears. In all seriousness, we are going to talk about how to remove fears, how to walk through them, how to peel back some of those layers, because without doing that, there is no way we can get to our fullest, most whole self, there's no way we can reintegrate feminine principles that many of us have been, I think, afraid of. And so we're going to touch on fears conditioning even some generational patterns, how to move through them. We'll also touch on Deepak Chopra's universal kind of spiritual laws of success and how the universe is orchestrating events for you so that you can move through those fears. And then I'm going to walk you through a very specific and potent exercise to help you, in a very practical, tactical way, be able to move through them. So let's dive in.
Speaker 1:Let me just start by saying this on the other side of your fears. When we move through them, there is always the greatest reward and I'm going to call that for the sake of the conversation today your potential. On the other side of your fears is your potential. So your passions, your dreams, the things that you're getting nudges to move in this direction and we all have things that get in the way of getting to that. It doesn't matter your status, your race, your bank account, your position at work, your title.
Speaker 1:You might be looking at other people right now and going, oh man, they've really got the crap together. I wish I could be more like so-and-so, because they have so much courage, they're so brave, they probably don't have fear at all. I guarantee you they're facing a different fear. They worked through fears and obstacles in order to get to where they are today, and so the only thing right now holding you back from your fullest potential is you. No one else has the power to hold you back. You have the power to work through the things and peel back layers to uncover the best of who you are, and, of course, I'm going to lead the way that I like to lead, which is with vulnerability.
Speaker 1:So I'm going to share a little bit about a fear that's been coming up for me lately, and maybe think about yourself as I'm walking through this. What's coming up for you? What is getting in your way right now? What is the thing you're avoiding that's stopping you from making forward progress? I've noticed recently with the biggest decisions in my life no matter how confident I am in my skin that I'm still sort of looking for.
Speaker 1:I'm going to call it for now approval, but as I've done more digging, I'm realizing it's not just that Very transparently it's showing up with the podcast. There's been a couple of conversations that I've had. You know I did. I do believe in looking for feedback, right. I want to put something out there that people are going to be interested in, and so I'm getting feedback. And you know, what do you think of the title? What do you think of the artwork? What do you think of the content in general? What kind of topics would you want to hear about? There are a few key people in my life that are pretty. Their opinions have been pretty important to me, right, and so I went to this one particular person.
Speaker 1:It honestly took me probably two to three weeks to bring up the courage that I was going to even launch this podcast and at the time it was still in an embryonic stage, ideation sort of stage, and so I was like, yeah, I'm going to talk about feminine, masculine energy and maybe I'll call it feminine rising. And what if the artwork on the podcast has a big moon in the background? My daughter, as an aside, was like mom, no, that looks like a werewolf picture, but anyhow, I'm telling them about this and I have built up a story in my mind about how are people going to receive what I'm going to say and do. I'm in this position I'm pretty visible, position of leadership, and I don't feel like the content I'm talking about is like widely, broadly talked about. There is definitely a group of people, but it's a new framework that we're looking at, or that I'm looking at relationships through my work through, and so I've built this story up in my mind. Are people going to accept what I have to say?
Speaker 1:The truth is, it doesn't matter If I know that what I'm doing is an alignment with what I need to do. That's all on the side, but nonetheless, when you have important people in your world, you want them to get it right. So I brought this idea to this person and, to be very transparent. There was some resistance and they did respond kind of how I expected them to, which was like oh, that's an interesting name, you might want to think of a different name, and that's okay. It doesn't have to be everybody's thing, it doesn't not everybody's going to be interested in the content, not everybody's going to get it. That's beside the point.
Speaker 1:The point is that I view myself as a pretty confident person, and I don't say that with arrogance. It's taken me, you know, I'm 41. It's taken me some years to, but you know I take some rejection. I don't, you know, I'm not super sensitive to getting rejected or getting the no. I built my business door knocking. I've been through a lot of stuff in life, so I felt pretty confident. And so when I left that conversation, I was kind of surprised when I started to process and realize in the days and even week or two after that, I was like, oh, was I looking for approval? Like, am I letting that hold me back from launching this? Am I, am I afraid that I'm going to be rejected? No, that's not really it. Am I looking for them to give me the green light, kind of. But not really that either. And as I started to just sit with it and let and process it a little bit more. I realized that it was much deeper than that and also very interesting that that this is in spite of my knowing right and I want to make a point on that for just a second here I know that this is something that I need and want to do.
Speaker 1:I've been following a breadcrumb of trails for three years about and I've had people in my life plant these seeds of me doing a podcast my as an example, when I first launched my blog a couple of years ago, just as a part of my transformation process. The woman, sarah Schultz shout out to her. She does an amazing job. She's the woman that did all my branding and sent me over all my icons and my logos and my color scheme and all of that. She said, oh, by the way, I included some graphics in there in case you wanted to use them for your podcast. And I said I'm not, I'm not doing a podcast. And she said, oh, are you sure? I'm like, no, I've never mentioned a podcast, I want to do a podcast. She was like huh, she kind of laughed and winked at me and she was like well, they're in there in case you need them. And that's kind of been what the last year and a half has been.
Speaker 1:I've had these little nudges and people here and there, and so I have this knowing, but I also have an internal knowing. I don't know where this will lead. I don't, to be transparent, have any huge expectation. I want to share my heart. I believe that there's something here for there's a conversation to be had around this topic, and so I'm going to do it and just see where it leads and just see what happens.
Speaker 1:In spite of that knowing, in spite of the confidence that I have, I still have fears. Everyone has fears and everyone has stuff come up. And the more that we can be aware of those little like I call them snags, or have a friend that calls them crunchy spots, the more that you can be aware of those things that are coming up that are like that didn't feel quite right, that didn't feel like love, that didn't feel like truth, and you can sit with it and create space and uncover what's there. You don't have to step into this bright light Some for some people to do, but you don't. It's not necessarily this thing that we step into overnight. It is slowly, and to have patience in the process is really important. And so how do we work through these fears when they come up?
Speaker 1:We peel back these layers one by one, and as I started peeling back more of these layers for my particular learning right now or my lesson that's coming up is that this really isn't about approval. I'm not really looking for somebody to tell me yes, jen, you can go ahead and do that thing. Now you can do it, because I told you you can. That's not what I'm looking for. As I sat with it longer, I realized that the real question that I was asking without asking, is this when I show up in my fullness, when I start to bring I keep using this word my bigness, my quirks, my weirdness, the depth of how I think about things, the intricacies of how I think I'm going to also say my intelligence, my ability to strategize, my boldness, when I show up whole and big and full and I don't hide any parts of these conversations in shame or worry about what people think will you have the capacity for me? Will the people in my world have capacity to hold all that I am? And that is a deep rut, because I think in that is also, if you can't hold me, if you can't hold the space for me, will I have to make myself smaller in order to stay? Will I have to make myself smaller in order to be accepted? And, ladies, I think particularly for us and maybe for some of you men, I think that runs really deep. I think it's generations deep.
Speaker 1:I believe that in small ways and in big ways and in society, we have been told over and over and over that we are too much and that we need to make ourselves smaller in order to fit. But the world needs you big, we need you big, we need you full, we need you whole. And if someone doesn't have capacity, or if people don't have capacity, then that is on them to develop that capacity. It is not on you to make yourself smaller to fit. I get that it takes a whole lot of courage to show up who you are.
Speaker 1:I felt that in past relationships. I feel that almost every day. I feel that with this stuff. I feel it all the time and it's such an interesting process to each day Choose to just step into the little things, the weird oddities that I have, all of the things, to just step into it and go yeah, I'm just going to show up, I'm just going to bring all of me to the table. Because when you this is all an aside, by the way, but, I think, a valuable one when we don't bring our whole selves to the table, when we make ourselves small, what we're really doing is an abandoning. We are abandoning ourself.
Speaker 1:Talk about abandonment issues. We are abandoning these pieces of ourself. It's just imagine cutting off a piece of your limb and then showing up into the relationship and being like here I am, take all of me, and they're like where's your fucking forearm? You're like oh, I left that behind. I thought you wouldn't like that part of me. I thought it would be too much for the relationship. It's like what the hell? It seems silly, right, when we talk about it that way, but the truth is we do that. We do that with parts of ourself, but then look the person across from the table, or your colleague at work, or your girlfriend or whoever it is, your children. They're not getting all of you. They're not getting the best and full and brightest version of you, let alone let's talk about dating for a second.
Speaker 1:When you show up as part you or fake you, there's no way that relationship can work. There's no, at least not in a real long, sustainable way, because eventually the whole you starts to show up and they're like who the heck are you? Or you're going to have to keep playing that game to be small enough to make it fit. And, who knows, maybe they're doing the same thing, maybe they're showing up like, ooh, I don't think she's going to really accept this part of me, so I'm just not going to show her XYZ, and then you don't even. You don't have a real relationship at all, right? So it makes a lot of sense to me to get in touch, first of all, and be aware of who you truly are, not from the outside looking in, not who you think people want you to be or how you think they want you to show up or what you think they have capacity for. By the way, they might have more capacity, like this might be totally a me issue. They might have been way more capacity than we think they do, but we don't ever give them a chance to show up for us because we're not showing up with our full selves. So show up with your full self in everything that you do.
Speaker 1:And again, I get that it takes a lot of courage and that's part of what we're going to talk about today how do we peel back the layers and the fears so that we can have the tough conversations and walk through the uncomfortable things. We're going to lean into that here today. I don't know what your particular fears, pains or obstacles are. I would take a few minutes. You know, if you're not driving, maybe take a few minutes and just jot down what are the things that you can just, right off the top of your head, know that you're avoiding, or that you the snags, the crunchy parts, that you're feeling uncomfortable, anything that's holding you back. And when we go into an exercise here in just a few minutes, that'll give you some space and time to also see what those things are.
Speaker 1:But just remember, as we talked about at the start, well, let me get back up and say this pain and discomfort can act as a really powerful compass for us, because that is where our growth opportunity is. Any of the things that we're avoiding, everything that we're avoiding geez, that's big everything that we're avoiding the pain, the discomfort, uncomfortable conversation. That is where the growth opportunity is and, as I said when we started, your potential is always on the other side of that pain. Your dream is on the other side of that discomfort. Your best and brightest is on the other side of that thing that you're avoiding. So anytime you notice that you're avoiding a thing, that is the thing to walk towards, that is the thing to embrace. And even when you can't see the full picture, I think this is really huge, especially, you know, I coach people, I work with business planning.
Speaker 1:We talk about five year visions and three year plans and one year plans, and I always throw in this caveat that we can see pretty far out. I'm pretty visionary, so I can see far out, but things evolve and things change and we just don't know everything that is in store for us. Wouldn't it be nice? Actually, I don't think it would be nice, but man could you imagine if we knew everything that was gonna be in store for us. We don't know, so we can make a plan, but I would say hold it loosely with an open hand, let it come and let it go, because we don't know how things are orchestrating. So what does that mean then? What I would encourage you to do, and what I do for myself, is look at a big picture vision. Look at a big picture plan. Imagine in your wildest imagination if you had unlimited capacity, unlimited resources. What is the dream? What is the vision? And it doesn't have to be more things. For me today, it is making chili and pumpkin butter cookies and the ability to buy pumpkin smelling candles and my girls coming home with their friends for a football game. This is the dream, right? I am living the dream today, so it doesn't mean you have to buy a jet. If that's your dream, great. But let's just say again you put this plan together, you put this vision together.
Speaker 1:Or maybe for some of you, you also are like I can't see out there, I can't see the plan, no matter what bucket you fall into in that category, my advice for living a life that feels so fully aligned and also magnetic is to follow the breadcrumb trail. It is to follow the nudges and what lights you up, what brings me joy. No matter if you think it's gonna connect to dollars or your five year plan or anything else, it's like oh gosh, I really like. I don't know, maybe you really love to bake. Well, bake the crap out of a cake and see where that leads you. Maybe you start doing more cake. You know who knows, but then maybe someone will say you should start a podcast on baking cakes and you're like, okay, I'll start a YouTube channel instead and you follow that and then that leads you to something else, and then that leads you to your like dream man. Who knows? We don't know.
Speaker 1:But I do believe that the universe is a field or a source or God. Consciousness is bigger than we are and it is orchestrating details in a way that we can't see. And Deepak Chopra talks about that in his so many books, but one of them is called Creating Affluence and he talks about this sort of spiritual law or part of the way the unified field works is that everything is in perfect order and we can see that all of these laws are actually reflected in nature. I mean, think about the way your body works, the way that your brain takes in information and makes your heartbeat in your lungs breathe and you can simultaneously blink and talk and walk and eat and write notes and think and all of the things, because even though, if you were to be able to see everything that was happening on the inside and outside of our body, it could look like chaos, it's perfect order. We can see that in ecological systems and in his book Deepak talks about this example of like.
Speaker 1:Could you imagine if you went to the train station in New York, grand Central Station, let's say, and the trains are about to depart and people are running everywhere this way, that way, it looks like a ton of chaos and then all of a sudden one of the trains supposed to leave on track 11 and it changes to track 12 and you see people switching directions and running everywhere, just a tremendous amount of chaos from the outside looking in. But underneath all that chaos is perfect order and definite purpose. We sometimes cannot see the bigger picture, we can't see the order beneath the chaos, but maybe we can see the next step in front of us and maybe that next step for you is whatever that fear is illuminating, because the fear is the roadblock to the thing on the other side of it. So we're gonna step into an exercise here that I think is a pretty powerful one. I led training a few weeks ago and we know that when we in business, when we coach to production results, whatever your business is, you wanna hit XYZ revenue or XYZ net and you need to do these activities to get there, oftentimes, just like fitness, just like anything in life, we know what we need to do to get there, but we often don't do what we need to do, and it is because of these roadblocks, it is because of fear. So in this training I was leading, I thought, man, we need a tool. We need a tool that can help us just work through this fear. A very practical tool. Talk about universal nudges.
Speaker 1:By the way, I had, about a week earlier, ordered a book that I forgot that I ordered and it showed up and I was like no shit, this is the. The name of the book is called Tools. It's by Phil Stutz and I can't remember the co-author name and in it he has a tool called the reversal of desire, which is designed to get people to move through fear. This is often the way things come to me last minute and I was like, well, isn't that perfect, this is exactly what I was looking for. The reason I had ordered the book is about a month prior, I watched the Netflix documentary on Phil Stutz. He was a psychotherapist for a famous comedian I'm blanking on his name now too Jonah Hill. Really great documentary. Actually should go watch it. I thought it was like a horror movie. I saw the trailer and just like looked scary so I didn't watch it. And then I got somebody recommended it to me and you should definitely go watch it. It's great.
Speaker 1:So all of the things that I'm gonna walk you through here are coming from his book and from a little bit of what I just researched online from him. You can I'm gonna share in the podcast show notes a link to a YouTube video that he you can see visually how he describes this tool that I'm gonna talk to you about and so you can check more out there. So first let me explain what this. It's called the reversal of desire, what this tool is. So if you kind of imagine a line, a horizontal line in your mind or like a spectrum on the left end of the spectrum or on the left side, imagine that you have a comfort zone and on the right side of the spectrum you have a realm of endless possibility. This is where we started today. We're coming back there. So you have a realm of endless possibility and in between these two ends of the spectrum you have a block and it could look like a wall in your mind or just like a big cloud and we're gonna label that pain pain and you can have that be an umbrella for anything that feels uncomfortable to you, something you're afraid of. It's maybe rejection, it's anything that you're avoiding. We're just gonna label that thing in the middle called pain or fear.
Speaker 1:Normally, if you imagine yourself in the comfort zone, we're like, hey, we're gonna get outside of this comfort zone and I'm gonna go launch a podcast and then I run into this thing that feels uncomfortable, like will people accept me? And the tendency that humans have is to wanna run back into that comfort zone and say, forget it, I don't want to deal with that, I'm just going to be comfortable and stay here. Remember that growth and opportunity and possibility is always on the other side of pain. So I can't do the things I can't fulfill a purpose. I can live in my greatest joy if I want to stay in my comfort zone, right? So wherever you are right now, we're going to do a couple of very brief, like one minute visualization exercises that are pretty powerful, and this is exactly how Phil Stutz would lead you through it or not exactly, because I'm not him, but we'll do as close as we can do it. So, wherever you are right now, I want you to get comfortable in your seat, put your feet on the ground and close your eyes and take a deep breath in through your nose, exhale through your mouth. I'm going to do another deep breath in through your nose, exhale through your mouth. Not just grounds is in the space here.
Speaker 1:Okay, now I want you to imagine that there's something that you hate doing. I want you to pick that thing. What is the thing you hate doing? Maybe talking to strangers, going to parties, dating, traveling? What is the thing you hate doing Now? How do you organize your life so that you can avoid doing it? How do you organize your life so you can avoid doing it? Now I want you to imagine that, that pattern, the way that you're avoiding your pain, so that you can not have to do it. Imagine that pattern is a place that you hide in. What does it feel like? Okay, now, open your eyes. That is your comfort zone, right? It's a safe, familiar place. It's free of pain, it's free of discomfort and that's where we want to stay. We want to stay because it feels so good. Good, got a big purple blanket on top of me and glass of wine, which leads me to my next point.
Speaker 1:Is that often being in our comfort zone, just a wave from our discomfort, is not enough. In our society we tend to place more pleasurable things on top of avoiding the thing. So escaping the pain isn't enough. We insist on adding pleasure and addictions to escape more of the pain. Alcohol, drugs, shopping, doom scrolling, comfort food, binge watching and those you know, in moderation. In and of themselves they're not bad things. Right, it's when they're in excess and they are in an effort to escape the pain. So we tend to pile that on top of avoiding the thing that we don't want to walk into and that naturally supports us staying in our comfort zone. So we create an extra cozy, high, a little space, but those things cripple us because we can't deal with the uncomfortable things of life and we create this like a warm little bath to sleep in. Then we can't deal with it when we get a cold shower. And if we can't handle pain, if we can't handle comfort, discomfort, rather again, we will never realize our full potential.
Speaker 1:So I'm going to have you close your eyes again and imagine that you are in that comfort zone. Now feel yourself indulging in one or more of the behaviors that you tend to lean on and imagine the pleasure that you feel. What does it feel like? What do you hear? What do you see? Now imagine that that pleasure lifts you into this cocoon, into this warm like womb womb-like world. It's safe, it's incubated, it's comfortable. It's that feel good space. Now ask yourself how does living inside this world affect my sense of purpose? Okay, you can open your eyes If you're home right now.
Speaker 1:I'd hit pause and jot down. Jot down some notes. How does living in that safe space affect your fullest potential and your greatest dreams? Because, whatever that comfort zone is that you're living in and whatever pain and fear that you're avoiding, you are paying a huge price for it. Life is providing endless possibility, endless opportunity for you. It's not just to achieve things, it's to live with joy and fullness. Along with that comes that pain. If you can't get outside of your warm, incubated comfort zone, then you will never be fully alive. Your partners won't experience you fully alive and your children won't. You know what I don't want to say? Who cares? At the end of the day, I believe that we're here to live. We are here to live now, fully alive. If we're dulling all of that because we're afraid of something, we are tremendously missing out.
Speaker 1:Ask yourself what is the price you're paying? Here's some questions. Again, you can listen and hit pause if you want, or reflect on these next time you're sitting down to journal. What is the price that you're paying to stay in your comfort zone? What is it that you're avoiding and what is the price that you're paying to stay there? When you avoid things, we're only caring about our immediate gratification.
Speaker 1:Somebody who avoids things is taking no responsibility for the future. Those people that I see that are choosing to live life without limits. They choose to drive through the pain. They choose to drive through rejection and failure and embarrassment and anxiety and peel back those layers because they want to live that full life and they do take responsibility for the future. They handle that pain with the discipline of just surrendering to those things in the moment, because they avoid nothing and they pursue their dreams. We will realize our fullest potential and be more alive when we do that. This might seem like common sense question to ask what gives them. What will give you? What is giving me the strength to endure walking through that pain? It is a sense of purpose. When we can connect the present pain to a sense of future purpose, then we can drive through the fears that we have.
Speaker 1:Phil Stutz calls this an active force and he calls it the force of forward motion. That is, the power of life itself. He would consider that sort of a higher source that when we decide to step out of our comfort zone, the force may the force be with you. The force will join with you and help you move through that. But when we're just sitting on our couch waiting for lightning to strike, it's a different experience than when the universe can co-create with you and help you move through that.
Speaker 1:This tool the reversal of desire is designed to help you to desire to move towards the pain instead of retreating back into your comfort zone. It reveals the secret about pain, which is that pain is not absolute. It's not the end, all be all. Have you ever seen those t-shirts at the gym that say, but did you die? It's like, yeah, I was painful, but I didn't die. And, frick, I got some biceps.
Speaker 1:Now, pain is not absolute. You can do this, you can move through it, and this tool helps you to realize that when we move towards it, pain and fear starts to shrink. When we move away from it, it starts to grow I think about. It's kind of like a boogeyman, right. Like, oh, I think there's something in my closet mom Like can you come look? And the longer you sit there and wait, the bigger the boogeyman gets in your head. And then you flick the light on and you look and you're like, oh, that's just a robe, like there's nothing there.
Speaker 1:Sometimes when we're avoiding things, it gets bigger and bigger and bigger in our mind. So when we remove time from the fear, then the fear shrinks and we take action, the force of forward motion, and move towards it, it shrinks. I'm going to pause and say this the longer that you avoid the thing, it will grow and then eventually it will chase you down. If you don't face this fear now, you are going to be given another opportunity and another, and another, and another, because life wants you to evolve. That is nature's way that you would evolve and strengthen and be more full of life and energy, and so if you don't face this now, you will have to face it later. So you might as well face it now and get on the other side of it. So this is the tool actually Now we did this sort of too many exercises. This next one is just going to take another minute and a half maybe. So I'm going to have you close your eyes again. Select the thing that you're avoiding Call, you need to make a conversation, you need to have checking your bank account, connecting with someone in your business project that's overwhelming, whatever it is. Select the thing that you're avoiding Now imagine the pain that you would feel if you were doing that thing.
Speaker 1:Now Make that pain as real as possible. Now forget the situation and the details around it and just focus on the pain itself. See the pain appear in front of you as a cloud. And now I want you to scream silently at the cloud. Bring it on and feel an intense desire for the pain to move you into the cloud. As you move into the cloud, I want you to scream silently. I love pain. Now, as you keep moving forward, go so deeply into the pain that you're one with it. Your energy merges with the pain. Now you feel the cloud, spit you out and close behind you and say inwardly and with conviction pain sets me free. As you leave the cloud, you feel yourself propelled forward into a realm of pure light and full potential and possibility. Okay, open your eyes. So that is it. That's the reversal of desire.
Speaker 1:You can take a minute and jot down I've had people have a really crazy powerful experiences with this Anything that you noted, anything that you saw on your future potential side what did that feel like for you? Now I'm going to give you a few tips on using this tool and a few notes that you might want to be aware of. So the idea you know. If you click on the show notes, the link to this, you can see a visual representation of what this tool looks like. Phil Stutz recommends that you do a little drawing because we tend to be visual people on a note card and keep that note card with you.
Speaker 1:You might use this exercise in your mind, you know, a hundred times a day if you want to. You want to learn to go through those three steps pretty quickly and repeat them over and over until you feel that you've covered over the pain with energy, with a positive energy, and you've turned the pain into energy, sort of alchemized it that way. So this tool could take you 15 times before you start to feel the pain shrink and feel propelled into motion, but it does only take three seconds. So you could do this 20 times in a minute if you wanted to. But the more you use it, the more it works. This also starts to rewire neural pathways and our subconscious mind, so we're retraining ourselves how to show up and how to view pain. We are reversing the desire People that tend to have a lot of courage it's not that they don't have fear, it's that they walk into the fear and so we want to start to rebuild those neural pathways in your brain too.
Speaker 1:What else do I want to tell you here? Let's see A couple of cues, two cues to be aware of. When do I use this tool? Right before you're about to do something that you want to avoid is a good time. And then, if you find that there's something that you're avoiding that's extremely unpleasant and you start to think about it rather than do it, that's the time to use this tool. Anytime you're just thinking instead of doing the thing you're avoiding, use this tool and then write it out on your note card and keep it with you.
Speaker 1:And a few other things maybe for you to consider here and reflect on. What is your purpose right, like, what is the potential on the other side of this? What can you see? What exists out there for you in your business? What about your personal life? What about relationships with your children? Whatever it is? What is on the other side of that fear for you? This is part of the path to becoming whole. We're talking a lot about that, though it's what this is about. The whole shabang, right Like this is the part of the path to becoming whole, and I often think it's a lot less about adding more to our lives. I think it's about subtracting. I think it's about taking away the fears and the shields that we've held up because we've been hurt and we don't trust people. It's about subtracting the stuff that's been layered on top of us over the years and uncovering what is already inside of us, at the very heart, at the very center of who we are.
Speaker 1:I believe that we are love and that love is connected to source and that that is truth and in it exists everything that we need, because love is all of the things that are good and pure and strong and true. That's what's there, and you have a unique way of expressing that to the world. You have a unique and innate ability to live and breathe and express gifts and impact others, just the way we talked about the train station, just the way we think about ecological ecosystems. You are important in the ecosystem. We need you whole, we need you full. This universe, your ecosystem that you are in, needs you, but more than anybody else needing you. You get to live a life that is full, just for you first, and I think that there is nothing wrong with desiring to have pleasure and joy and learning in life that is just for you. So I hope that this was helpful for you today.
Speaker 1:As you know, we just take a second to pause and look back at some of the takeaways. You know we all have fears. You are not alone in the fears that you have. We know that in order for us to move into our wholeness and our full potential, we need to move through those things that we're avoiding. So what is it that you're avoiding? What's on the other side of it, and are you ready and willing to walk through it? I know you're able. I believe that you have everything that you need inside of you and all of the resources. On the other side of it is your wholeness, and in that wholeness is the best and brightest that you have in your relationships, potential, future relationships, work and all of that. And so this reversal of desire tool is just one, one practical tool that you can use to help you walk through those fears In the meantime, as you are working on peeling this back and coming, becoming all of who you are, as always, thank you for tuning in.
Speaker 1:I hope that this episode is supporting you in becoming your most whole self so that you can lead your most full life. You are definitely worthy and deserving of that. All of the resources that we shared today are going to be linked in the show notes. You can check those out there, along with ways that you can connect with us If you've got questions or feedback or people that you think we should reach out to to highlight their story on the Holschwange podcast. In the meantime, please be sure to hit that follow button so you don't miss a beat. Share this episode, or any others, with those that you think could benefit from this conversation, and you can do the podcast a huge favor by leaving a far star review In the meantime. I hope that you have a fantastic bangin' day.