Breakfast of Choices
Everyone has stories of transformation. And some of them include moments, or years of intense adversity, a time when it felt like there was no hope. This podcast, "Breakfast of Choices," holds space for people to share their true, raw and unedited stories of overcoming extreme struggles, like addiction, mental illness, incarceration, domestic violence, suicide, emotional and physical abuse, toxic family structures, relationships, and more. Trauma comes in so many forms.
Every week, as a certified Peer Recovery Support Specialist, Recovery Coach, Life Transformation coach and your host, I will jump right into the lives of people who have faced these types of adversity and CHOSE to make choices to better themselves. We'll talk about everything they went through on their journey from Rock Bottom to Rock Solid.
Through hearing each guest's story of resilience, my hope is that we'll all be inspired to wake up every single day and make our own "Breakfast of Choices". More importantly, that we'll understand we have the POWER to do it.
When someone shares their story, it can be unbelievably healing. And it can be just what someone else needs to hear at that exact moment to simply keep moving forward. So I hope you can find "that one little thing that sticks," along with hope and encouragement to just keep taking it one day at a time.
And now let me be the first to welcome you to the "Breakfast of Choices" community, a non-judgemental zone where we learn from, lean on and celebrate one another. Because the opposite of addiction is "connection", and we are all in this together.
If you would like to tell your story, I sure would love to listen. Please email me at Breakfastofchoices@gmail.com.
Respects,
Jo Summers.
Breakfast of Choices
Rebuilding Your Life Through Faith: Turning Trauma Into God’s Given Purpose with Rossie Manka
Today on Breakfast of Choices, I’m thrilled to have my guest Rossie Manka on the show today. Rossie is an author, speaker, and transformational coach who helps women break free from limiting beliefs and step into their full potential. In our conversation, Rossie shares her powerful story of overcoming childhood trauma, domestic abuse, and addiction to find healing, purpose, and an unshakable faith in God.
Rossie opens up about the challenges she faced growing up in a poverty-stricken neighborhood in Milwaukee, dealing with an absent father and a single mother who worked tirelessly to provide for the family. She vulnerably recounts the molestation she experienced at a young age, which deeply impacted her view of men and led her down a destructive path of anger, bitterness, and unhealthy relationships.
However, Rossie’s story is one of remarkable resilience and transformation. She shares how she found redemption through her faith, using her voice to inspire others who have faced similar struggles. Rossie’s book "Unshakable: A Woman in Christ” chronicles her journey from rock bottom to rock solid, and she now dedicates her life to coaching and mentoring women to break free from limiting beliefs and step into their God-given purpose.
Throughout our conversation, Rossie and I discuss the importance of setting boundaries, choosing supportive friendships, and the power of forgiveness in the healing process. She also shares her experience with the legal system and the domestic abuse she endured, highlighting the strength and courage it took to rebuild her life.
Rossie’s story is a testament to the power of faith, self-love, and perseverance. Her vulnerability and authenticity are truly inspiring, and I'm honored to share her message with you all. If you're a woman seeking to overcome past trauma and step into your full potential, I highly recommend checking out Rossie’s book.
Rossie’s Book: https://a.co/d/5ewluoC
From Rock Bottom to Rock Solid.
We all have them...every single day, we wake up, we have the chance to make new choices.
We have the power to make our own daily, "Breakfast of Choices"
Resources and ways to connect:
Facebook: Jo Summers
Instagram: @Summersjol
Facebook Support: Chance For Change Women’s circle
Website: Breakfastofchoices.com
Urbanedencmty.com (Oklahoma Addiction and Recovery Resources) Treatment, Sober Living, Meetings. Shout out to the founder, of this phenomenal website... Kristy Da Rosa!
National suicide prevention and crisis, hotline number 988
National domestic violence hotline:
800–799–7233
National hotline for substance abuse, and addiction:
844–289–0879
National mental health hotline:
866–903–3787
National child health and child abuse hotline:
800–422-4453 (1.800.4.A.CHILD)
CoDa.org
12. Step recovery program for codependency.
National Gambling Hotline 800-522-4700
Welcome to Breakfast of Choices, the weekly podcast that shares life stories of transformation. Each episode holds space for people to tell their true, raw and unedited story of overcoming intense adversity. From addiction and incarceration, mental illness, physical and emotional abuse, domestic violence, toxic families, codependency and more. Trauma comes in so many forms. I'm your host, Jo Summers, and also someone who hit my lowest point before realizing that I could wake up every day and make a better choice, even if it was a small one. So let's dive into this week's story together to learn from and find hope through someone's journey from rock bottom to rock solid, Because I really do believe you have a new chance every day to wake up and make a change, to create your own. Breakfast of Choices Good morning.
Speaker 2:Welcome to Breakfast of Choices life stories of transformation from rock bottom to rock solid. I'm your host, Jo Summers, and I am super excited today. I have my guest, Rossi Minka, on with me today, and Rossi and I met on Facebook and through a podcasting group and I reached out to her and we just chatted for a little and I'm just going to go ahead and let her get started and tell her story today. Hi, Rossi, how are you? Hi, I'm good.
Speaker 3:Today's a nice, hot summer day in Milwaukee, wisconsin. It's just the weather. Yes, I'm in Wisconsin. People think of Wisconsin as a cold state. It is very cold, but we love our summers, we love Lake Michigan, we love all their summer festivals, and so everything is great over here.
Speaker 2:I'm glad to hear it. We were rainy today in Oklahoma, so maybe a little opposite.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, oh, thanks. It's been so hot this week, like in the 90s, and humid.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so that's really hot for there, right? Yeah, yeah, very, yeah. Well, thanks for coming on with me today, and I know that I know you have a book that you've released called Unshakeable. That will be in the show notes also with the episode. But I am excited for you to go ahead and just tell us a little bit about yourself today and kind of brought you to writing that book and just a little bit of your story.
Speaker 3:Yes, okay, where do I begin? I always begin, typically as a young girl. I was this happy young girl, very ambitious. I loved to sing and one day I remember standing in front of an abandoned fence post and I was singing like I was famous and I was like famous and I was like brassy, brassy, like chanting, and I just knew like that I wanted to use my voice to just inspire to sing. I don't sing, but I still use my voice today. But so I was this little girl that was just so happy, full of light. People said that I was a type of girl that when I would walk into a room I would smile and I would light up the whole room. I would just really make somebody glee if they were having a gloomy day. And I was me.
Speaker 3:But as my story goes, you know, once calamity kicks in and I experienced basically the world, the dark world at a very young age, things changed. You know, I saw the world different. I played with Barbie dolls and I saw the world as pure and happy. And then I was crushed at the age of five when my dad and my mom separated and at that age I didn't understand why they were separating and I just remember having that vision of them both pulling my arm and my dad's trying to take me, but my mom's saying no and then ultimately he left. And now, as I'm an adult, I look back and my dad was an alcoholic and he was a drug dealer, and so it was no way that he could have taken care of me and my siblings, and so my mom was left as a single mom and I say that because now he is free from all of that and living a better life. But for a long time he was just in and out of our lives. Some years would go by, we didn't see him. There was times where he lived in other states, and so that really really took a toll on my life. But at the same time, many people in our community sort of went through the same thing.
Speaker 3:I was raised in Milwaukee, southside. It is pretty poverty stricken, it's in the ghetto, all the places where I was raised, and it was very at that time. I remember it was very much heavy with games and so growing up, you know not having a father figure and then my mom taking care of us but being so tired that she worked, made sure we had a hot meal when we came home from school, but then she would fall asleep. She was so tired, so that gave us girls a lot of time to just run the streets and get into many different things. And so I was just this angry teen. I was molested when I was about 10 years old.
Speaker 3:So I had this, this conception of men that men were like all they wanted was sex, and that I, just my, my whole viewpoint of life just changed drastically, and so I was very promiscuous. You know, I found love in all the wrong places. In order to feel that love that, you know, to close that wound, I hung out with babies and because it was just so heavy in our neighborhood, there was times where I would walk to the grocery store and I would have to fight with another big rival gang. I wasn't even up to heart of that gang, like yeah, but because I lived in the neighborhood, they for fun, they said, oh hey, you girl, come over here, you fight this person. And so I remember, like at the age of 12, going to the grocery store and having my first like bra, you know, and fighting this one woman, you know, and I just I tucked it up.
Speaker 3:You know, I'm like I can't cry, I have no one to go to. I have to be strong, and that's where I learned to be strong to fight with violence, really, and everything they did in life. I fought with violence, I fought with rage. I fought with violence, I fought with rage, I fought with anger, and so inside, I was really really bitter and burnt, and so being on this path really put me in times where I was like addicted to cocaine for like a year. I was in abusive relationships.
Speaker 3:I was this broken woman that tried to crawl out of her pit but then kept crawling back into the pit. So one day I decided to Christ. You know, we grew up in the church, but then I rebelled at that young age and decided I didn't want nothing to do with God. I didn't care what God thought and I, just I did me, you know, and I didn't want anything to do with religion. I hated religion. Church was boring, all those things, you know.
Speaker 3:But like growing and finally realizing at the age of 26, that was my, that was my escape out of the pit, that was my way of dealing with all of the verbiage of my past and really coming out victoriously. When I stumbled and tripped one day and just sat in the back of the altar and just cried and just let it all out. And then I am truly redeemed by faith, and so that is what my book is about. It's a woman unshakable in Christ. Through faith, through trials, through like all of the things that I've gone through, I've came out stronger and I'm using my story to help other people in my community.
Speaker 3:I've gotten great feedback. Women are coming up to me and are saying like, wow, I felt like that was me in your story, like you're writing about me, and I'm like but it's me. But the thing is is because we grew up in the same areas, we grew up in those environments that a lot of people went through the same thing, and so they're trying to find that way of escape. They're trying to heal from brokenness and they're finding it through my book trying to heal from brokenness and defining it in my book. And it is such a sight to see and such a blessing to see that my story, moving from a place of pain and coming out is helping so many people Just by me being obedient and writing my story.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. You're turning your pain into purpose, and that is what it's all about being able to turn around and give someone a hand up right, and let them know that you're not alone and I've been through that also, and you know we're here to talk about it. We're here to share encouragement. We're here to share hope. Tell me this you grew up in that environment and that's a hard place to get out of and to get away from right. So did you move or did you stay living there and learn how to stay away from it?
Speaker 3:Yes. So I had to learn how to stay away. I had to learn how to choose my friends wisely. It wasn't easy.
Speaker 3:I've not learned by friends so many times where one of the friends I remember that wasted basically, and then told me everything she thought about me internally and I'm like, wow, you know, I didn't really think that you're this big shit. And I'm like, no, I'm just trying to get out, I'm destroying, I'm trying to live my purpose, my destiny, and I want you to come with like so it was hard trying to make my old friends understand, like that is not the life that you want to live. Give all of that up because you can, that you want to live. Give all of that up because you can have, you can live, you can have so much potential in your life. You can get everything back if you can make that first step and say yes to growing, yes to competence, yes to leading, yes to faith, yes to that Like just really out, moving out of that, that hit.
Speaker 3:And if I say this like the complaint, the complaint and stating that life is not fair, and for me it's like, yeah, life isn't fair, we don't get a fair chance in life, but what will you do with what you have? What is it that you can do with, exactly exactly the things that you have gone through, or the skills right, or the tools that you have been given, like what? Can you add that and change that paradigm?
Speaker 2:And it's all about choices. Right, it's all about choices. And you know, sometimes our opportunities may be different, right, but you can change your choices right. And you know, in recovery, you know they talk a lot about changing your people, places and things right, changing your playground, and if you stay in your playground it's very difficult to change right. Right, and you were able to get out of that playground. Did any of your friends decide to come with you?
Speaker 3:That's a good question because I feel like, after so many years, I sort of lost track. It's almost like you know, when you decide to change your path in life, the friends start popping off and don't really see them anymore. But I will say that there are still friends that I do see on social media and they're still in the same struggle and I just I feel sad and I I still like I use my socials to encourage people and to still help them and I feel like my book is is that light for them if they want it? Right, because it's a choice, right, um right. So, yeah, I don't, I don't really know if, if I, I gosh, I hope so.
Speaker 3:I know some friends have moved away for better life and I I've used them all the best, um like, but yeah, I really did have to change my circle and I was just telling my nephews today, like you know, choose your friends wisely. It does matter who you have surrounding you, uh, because, oh my gosh, yeah, oh yeah, tell me, tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are. It is, it'll be your future, yeah, showing your future, yeah, and I'll still love them from a distance. I'll still love them, I'll still pray for them. You know, yeah, say hello how you doing, give them a hug, a little hug.
Speaker 2:But then you know you have to distance yourself, you have to have boundaries. You have to have boundaries because you can get sucked into the world very fast, yes, yes, and you have to keep your distance and you have to keep your boundaries. And that doesn't mean you don't have love and it doesn't mean you're better than and it doesn't mean you don't still miss them. But sometimes you just have to save yourself. You know you have to save yourself. You know you have to save yourself and you have to use your choices, make changes and make that better life for yourself so you can grow. And there is no shame in that Wanting better, right. No shame in wanting better for yourself, right.
Speaker 2:But if someone is not ready to come along, oh my gosh, yes. But if someone's not ready to come along with you, they have a lot to say, right? There's a lot of things that they want to say and project and do all of those things and that just means they're not ready and that's okay, that is absolutely okay. You know, sometimes we have to grow and rejection is redirection sometimes, and so you know, sometimes we have to redirect, right, our choices and our lifestyles. And you shared with me a little bit that you had been incarcerated. A little bit, yes, and so is that. You said it was pled down to a misdemeanor, if I remember correctly, and so is that something that's on your record today.
Speaker 3:It actually got expunged. I want to say, oh gosh, maybe in 2017, 2018, it did get expunged, but it didn't get expunged until years later. So when I was a single mom because I had my son he's now 14, I remember trying to get out. I really tried my hardest and it was so hard because I felt like the system was against me. I felt like I'm the single mom and I went to community college and I finally landed a job a year later and I was doing so well but I didn't have money. I mean, the internship was $11 an hour internship and, again, like the father of my son was also part of the game. So he was living his life, I was living my life and I was trying to get out.
Speaker 3:And I remember buying this whoopie car. I was driving the sleeping bread what is it? It's Paula and it had like a different color fender and the muffler was so loud. So I'm driving boy, trying to get to work, you know, dropping my son off at daycare and it was so loud, the muffler was so loud. And I'm driving through the industrial park, like trying to like getting getting there, but like driving through the suburbs and then like getting to the industrial park. But the police were there and so they heard my muffler. I think it gained attention. Plus, the car looked so ghetto and so they pulled me over. They give me a ticket and I'm like, oh, come on. And man, wisconsin just passed the car insurance law and so we needed to get car insurance. It was like mandatory now. And I was like, oh, town, get it, blah, blah, blah. But I knew in my heart like I don't have money to pay for this and I don't have money right now to buy car insurance. I think so I'm like it is what it is. So then I go to work, and the day goes on, and the next day I'm driving and, sure enough, they pull me over again and I'm just, oh damn, I'm like, are you serious? So they give me another ticket and I believe it was like the third time and they're like, ma'am, we're suspending. And I'm just like, oh my gosh, I'm like I at that time I was just so done, I was done. I'm just like you know what? I'm trying to survive here. I can try to get better. I'm working. My son in daycare just came out of like that you know drug and alcohol life. I'm trying to get better.
Speaker 3:And then I go to this rodeo, you know, with my girlfriends and we're there at this rodeo of Plymouth South and so I'm looking for my friend. I'm like where is my friend? And I can't find her. And then I go towards the area where they're fighting. Sure enough, she's on the floor. There's a guy on top of her. So I'm like the quickest thing I could do is like just grab the Corona bottle and throw it at him. So I do that, right, I chip at him so he can get off of her. Then all of a sudden this girl grabs my pleata from the back, or my hair from the back, and we start fighting.
Speaker 3:And then, all I remember, out of all the people of the rodeo there's probably like hundreds there I'm the one. It's like I, what, what, what is it me? And so they grab me, what me it like handcuffs handcuffed me and I'm like what the heck? Like, are you kidding me? Like what? And police come, because we're sort of in Wisconsin, and they put me in a paddy wagon. So I'm thinking like, oh, they're going to let me go. You know, they're just giving me a ticket, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. All of a sudden I'm like crap, feel the carbon, and I'm like that's not good, that's not going, that's not good. I'm like that's not good.
Speaker 3:So then we get to Racine County and they have, they bring me under, like to get like in the parking structure and all that. And they let me out and I'm like in the county jail and like they give me these orange clothes and I'm like what the hell is this? I was like why are you giving me orange like diapers? They're like, ma'am, just put them on. I'm like, no, I need you to tell me what's going on. They're like, ma'am, put it on. And I'm like, ok, so I put them on. And so I'm like waiting to be questioned Then. And so I'm like waiting to be questioned.
Speaker 3:Then, sure enough, the sheriff calls me some question. In your. He said man, do you know what we're charging you with? And I'm just like domestic, like violent, like fighting, I don't know, like fighting a nuisance. And he's like no, we're you with a felony for child abuse and my mouth dropped. Yes, I'm like what are you talking about? He's like, yeah, the victim that you fought, that you beat, she was 15 years old. And I'm like what are you talking about? I'm like she jumped me and I was defending myself, it wasn't even my fight, my whole life came crashing down.
Speaker 3:And then, wow, and I felt powerless, I felt voiceless, I felt war and spirit and in and heaven, yeah, I was just so broken and I was there and we're like three days in in the county and they're like, oh, pay your court. And the oh, and, by the way, the man that is pressing charges, he's the one that put that full event together and it was his daughter. And I'm like, oh, that's why, oh gosh, why, of course it was, of course it was Our buddy, matt that we don't know his that ruined, and so now he's blaming it on someone. And so he told the court I want her locked up, I don't want her to come out, and so that basically, that was where the sentence was going and I was like, are you kidding me? So finally my friend handed him enough money and they were able to get me out on bail, but I still had to go through the process of getting a lawyer, going through courts and blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 3:So then, during that time, you know well then, actually after that was when my license got suspended, driving through, you know, the industrial park, and I was like done, I think I just I had I had it. I'm like my license is suspended, I don't have any money. I now have to be the lawyer. I'm asking people for rides. My uber didn't exist at that time. I'm like I don't know what the heck to do I need. Well, I said, but screw it.
Speaker 3:I went back, it's my old, my old life. I, I drank and hoped up for like a year. I even like, oh my gosh, I just I even I think I peed dirty one time on my fill. So I was like I was like I don't know what else to do. I'm just like I'm done with life. And so I well, you know, by the grace of God, I know that God's hand is still upon me, like I still know that my family was praying for me, like they knew that I was really, really far from God, but they also knew like the only thing they could do was pray. So they were praying for me behind the scenes, even when I didn't, you know, want anything to do with that. And so I truly believe that their prayers really, really worked.
Speaker 3:I I know that because the case was dropped and I ended up getting probation for a year and during that episode, yeah that I was back, you know, in the world I was okay. I mean, yeah, things happened, but I, I I didn't die, you know, I was with me. There's so many war stories and I'm still alive here in this place and I'll share my testimony that you can overcome, even when it feels like your world is crashing down. Take the first step. Just breathe really and have faith because you're going to get through it.
Speaker 2:You were so close to losing hope, you know, and when we lose hope that is when the spiral begins, and by the grace of God kept some semblance of hope and you were able to get yourself out of that spiral before it really really took over. Right and helpful and so encouraging, because you just have to keep hope. As hard as it can be sometimes and as hard as our circumstances can be, we just can't lose the hope because things changed in an instant but they can change again in another instant. Right, and it happens so fast. You know whether it's God on your side or someone wants to call it universe or whatever you want to call it, whatever your thing is, you know we're just going to say, by the grace of God, you know, you were able to overcome that. So you had kind of trickled back into your old life. Once the case got dropped and all of that, what happened with you and what you started doing again.
Speaker 3:Yeah. And so that is the interesting part, and that's why I tell people you have to get my book, because I think that sometimes we think, okay, in the book it says, you know, that was it, it was over. You might be thinking all is well and think, if you're right, well, that's not the end of my story and the unfortunate events are happening, you know. So I said you're like, wow, I look back and I'm just like, oh my gosh, but it's also because of my decision. But even though I was an adult, I back through all a lot of that. And then again I, like I said, I spent my year back into my old self. But then finally I knew that there needed to be a change. So, with a little bit of faith that I had, I said something to the faculty that I just needed, that I just need to get out of this lifestyle. And then I did.
Speaker 3:I ended up getting the job. Me and my son finally got a house, because we were living in a rooming house on top of a park. I had this one room with me and my son. I had to get my old place, got a new job, and so things were now shifting in the right direction. I could see the light. I was like so happy I was in my own house now and everything was going well.
Speaker 3:But then the abuse started, and me and my husband are still married to this day, but me and him were very, very abusive to one another to this day. But me and him were very, very abusive to one another and he came from a line of abuse as well. And so when we we actually found each other while while I was back back into into West Fire Way, that's where I found him, and so we kind of were both in that, in that boat, and so I left him and I ended up being so desperate for love. See, here's the trick, because sometimes we can get out of whatever those challenges are in life, those devastations in life, and we think we're good, but we still have a lot of healing and growth to do. Oh, my gosh, it's still a journey, yes, and so because I thought I made it and I like no warming, a confidence, growing, a pride, I didn't realize that there's still a lot of junk in the trunk that I needed to, you know, I needed to deal with, and one of those things was rejection, was love fighting, being desperate for love.
Speaker 3:I see I still didn't validate. Yeah, yeah, I still didn't validate. I still didn't understand what that meant. So my eyes split up when me, because we weren't married at the time. But when me and my husband split up, I ended up finding a new boyfriend relatively quickly, and the chapter in my book is called Lucifer. That is the name, lucifer, and this person I met courted me, gave me flowers, called me constantly. It was something that I never, never experienced, and I fell for it.
Speaker 2:Little did I know I love bombs. You got love bombs.
Speaker 3:Little did I know it was another. That little did I know it was another, another seed of destruction and that seed of destruction almost killed me. Then I felt I was all out of the addiction now. I was falling into suicide and depression. And there was one point in my life where I told god. I said I don't want to live no more. I said I just want to. At the time I had my, my second son, and I said I don't want to live no more. I said can you just take me and my kids? I said, because I'm done that just.
Speaker 3:It was such a beautiful dream of Jesus in my dream and in my dream I saw him and we were somewhere in another country I want to say it was Israel. And I remember looking at the ground and it was these beautiful, smooth stones. And I remember looking at his eyes and they were so beautiful, they were like blue and green, and he put out his hand. He didn't say anything. He cut out his hand and I cut my hand into his hand and he, he ordered me to walk down these, put my hand into his hand and he, he ordered me to walk down these, these nice, smooth stones, and and I could see in a distance that were there were all these people and we were going in the same direction, we were on the same pathway, that the pathway was so beautiful and gentle. And he is just walking with me and he's staring at me with the eyes of love, that a love that I never experienced, and I was like, wow, and that dream.
Speaker 3:In that moment I, I finally felt what love felt, like an unconditional love. And so we're walking and finally we get to a house and there's a bed and he, like, like, directs me to lay down. And I lay down on the bed and he looks at me one more time, he gazes at me one more time like I was the most beautiful thing on earth. And then I woke up and then I'm like I said, I'm so sorry. I said I don't want to take my love away. I said, because you love me, if nobody loves me on this earth, the way I want to be loved unconditionally from a man, I said you love me unconditionally and you showed me what that love is like. So I don't have to find that love in any other thing in this world, because I know what that true love felt like. And it's great if you find that, it's great if you can find someone you know, but love yourself first. I say love yourself first and go, girl, you know girl.
Speaker 2:So I just did my. I just did a class last night on codependency and that is what I wake up and say every day. It's called fly first Love yourself. Yes, that is my, that is my jam right there. You have to wake up every day and first love yourself. I love that you brought that up tonight. That's beautiful, yes.
Speaker 3:Yes, so, and that's been my journey, wow. So the sheeling came. After that my husband got free to alcoholism and addiction and all other addictions too, and he, like God, truly set us free. I will note that I did have to spend six months of separation, of just me, of not answering the phone calls, of like answering to family, you know, but really, really, really, really, really, really diving into self-care, really taking the time to write, to be with my children, to cherish life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the tea. Yeah, we took that time, I love that. So you were with you weren't with your husband, you were with this other man and I'm going to guess kind of like an abusive, narcissistic, crazy relationship. How long did that last before you were out of?
Speaker 3:So that's funny because it only lasted like five months. But I felt like he tore my heart. There was an attack on my health too and I and then he moved in. He threatened me. He said that he hit cocaine in my house and I had already dealt with the police with the felony a couple years ago, so I didn't want to deal with that again, and so then he threatened to kill me and so I actually left. I grabbed the kids and I grabbed myself and I took off and I went from the moms and then I had to call my husband who was not my husband at that time to come arrest you. I was almost like I had to come find a rescue from one abuser to the other and it was within my mouth. You know my life at that time. I felt weak.
Speaker 3:Then, at the same time, I didn't have my. My father doesn't live here. You know I don't have any like like close brothers. My dad has other kids, not not brother that I'd grown up with. I don't have any uncles here, so I'm like no way to. You know what to do with cats again. You know my dad is saying he stopped copying in my house and I'm gonna go down it. He's saying that he's going to kill me. So I really had no other choice. And yeah, but then you know, we moved out, we got another place and then I moved out of your own place.
Speaker 2:You moved out of your own place. Yeah, girl, you got to do it. You got to do that sometimes, right? Yeah, you got to save yourself for sure. So good for you. So you got out. How did your husband your now husband he wasn't at the time, but how did he feel about that that you called him to.
Speaker 3:He was probably very happy and grateful. I'm going to be honest.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, swooped right in. Yeah, he was able to swoop right in, yeah.
Speaker 3:And that's what? Yes, and so my story is powerful too, because it talks about that whole situation and the dynamics of the situation and how we're still with the shame and the guilt and how we get over that, because in everybody's eyes, I'm still my fault. This was, this is what happens when you do stuff like that, you know. So I felt stupid, you know, I felt dumb. I felt desperate, dumb, stupid, young, and then I had to live with the shame, and that I just, you know. I felt desperate, dumb, stupid, young, and then I had to live with the shame and gosh, I just you know, today I'm like, oh my gosh, like I can't believe I survived that too. And now I laugh about it, you know, and it's not funny, but I just think like, oh my gosh, girl, like you finally got it right, yeah, yeah, I laugh about it sometimes because when you look back on it, it feels like a different life, right, it's like a different world, it does.
Speaker 2:I tell people I laugh all the time. Yeah, I ran across that old picture today and I just cracked up. I'm like what lifetime was that? Oh, my gosh, it's just so weird. Again, it can change in an instant, right, it can change, and that's why you've got to keep that hope and you've got to keep thoughts going that you're going to be okay, we're survivors, right, we're going to survive, and you've got to keep those thoughts. So you and your husband ended up back together we did, and then you stayed together from them.
Speaker 3:Yeah, then you stayed together, though from then on, oh, no, no, we were still still disruptive, we still had destructive behaviors. Um, we went kind of series of yep, um, leading each other and getting back with one another, and then finally I will. I was like, okay, that's it, I I'm never I'm, you know, getting divorced, we're not going to be together ever again. And then, whoops, bun in the oven, and you know, and that story was a dark night and I got pregnant and my book topped on that too, and so, but we worked together.
Speaker 3:You know, when I was pregnant, he didn't think it was his child and so I spent a lot of my pregnancy alone and then, when I finally did go into labor, I did not want him there. I was like, no, he doesn't deserve to see my baby being would be born. I don't forgive him and I don't want him here. I still had like a lot of hate and bitterness in me, even though we wanted to clear, like I just all of it, all of the things that we've been through, and so. But I remember the nurses kept saying do you, do you want to call the father? It's like they knew almost. And I said no, yeah, and then they asked again, and then my mom asked and then I was like, fine, I guess this won't cause it. I called and I was like, okay, I was like you, here I'm at a hospital, I'm having baby.
Speaker 3:So he came and my son came relatively quickly and he was such a blessing and his name is Mateo, and it's like the Spanish for Matthew, and Matthew means a gift from God, and he is just my little fighter, my little gift from God, and he really did bring us back together and it took years for us to come back together and for him to submit his life to the Lord, for him to really. My husband hated religion too, and so he decided one day to give his life to the Lord and now he is a hard worker, he is a survivor of many other things. He had a lot of childhood trauma and things like that, and so she changed and now God's just working in his life and we finally got back together about two years ago and the abuse stopped. We're not ugly to one another anymore and we're both growing together and we both are as well entrepreneurs. He has his business, I have my coaching business, he does construction, we're raising our children and it's just, it's beautiful. You know, redemption that is beautiful, girl.
Speaker 2:That is beautiful that you grew together. You. You had to be apart so you both could heal. You know, trauma is 90 of addiction, and healing that trauma and healing those wounds and healing your soul is so very important. And learning how to love yourself so you can learn how to love someone else, right, right, you can't give love properly or receive love properly if you can't love yourself first. It's just not even possible Exactly back around. And does that always happen? No, absolutely no. But you worked for it and you worked at it. And to hear that you have different relationship today is beautiful. That really, really is beautiful. That you guys are working together, building together and growing together yes.
Speaker 2:I love to hear that and we're stronger together.
Speaker 3:We're stronger together in unity and really changing the generational cycles. Like my mom didn't like, we grew up without a father. My mom didn't even know her father and my mom's mom was my grandma, went to prison for 10 years and then my grandma's mom died at a young age, at 36. She never knew her father. And so it just, it's a cycle, continues. You know, it does, it really does, yeah, and I'm just like gosh, when does it end? When does it stop? You know, and and off with you, stop you. That's not when we exactly hit and I'm not gonna break it absolutely, absolutely, and I, I broke it. You know a little and I broke it. You know a little bit. What do you say? Bruised and burned, battered? I heard a little bruised, a little battered, but we came out of it, we're okay, it's been cold, yeah.
Speaker 2:And you know what? You're stronger for it. Your kids are probably stronger for it because they saw you fight, they saw you fight, they saw you fight for it. I mean, that's so important when breaking those curses. They are generational. You know, when I was in prison, girl, I was in prison with I will never forget this family a grandma, a mom, a daughter, a cousin and an aunt. Grandma, daughter, mother, cousin, aunt Insanity, right, that's just craziness and it was like the most normal thing for them in the world. Right, that's just what it was. It wasn't even like everybody else was like what, and they're like what, yeah, they're like what, what, what. It was just for me that was like damn, because that's just so. That is so generational and so hard to break that and it has to start somewhere. So I am super, super proud of you, rossi, because you broke it. Yes, you broke it for your family. You broke it girl, and that is just, oh my gosh, beauty in the broken right there that's beautiful.
Speaker 3:Yes, beauty in the broken. What do you call it? Beauty from ashes? I will say this broken, what do you call it from ashes? I will say this. I will say one more thing is that the first abuser in my story was the person that molested me as a child. I faced him for the first time in 24 years, a couple of weeks ago at the dollar tree. I my abuser Isn't that ironic At the release of my book. It's not even a year. Yet, 24 years later, I see the abuser at the dollar store oh, in crime. And he came up to me and he said I know you. And I said and I knew who she was, but I froze like a little child. And I said I, I was, and I knew who she was, but I froze like a little child. And I said I don't know you Fight or flight girl, you're fight or flight.
Speaker 2:Your body doesn't forget. You don't forget that stored trauma yeah.
Speaker 3:And he goes yes, you do know me. And I said no, I don't. And he goes yeah, you do remember when you guys, when you guys lived on such and such, and I said, oh, yeah, like you know me trying to like them, but then really they couldn't. And he says, oh, give me a hug. And I said Excuse me, I was like no, and he was like why? And I said, because you know what you did. And he like just looked at me and then kept rambling on about other things, and so then he, he was was talking about god, and he was talking about this and talking about that. And then he said, and the story was long, right, but I'm trying to like put words together, think about like what I'm going to tell him, right, yeah, I was. Oh, hey, did you? And this was the perfect scenario.
Speaker 3:And he goes hey, did you hear about? About that one church where the priest said that dad told him to have sex with all the women in the church and, um, later they found out and he went to prison. He said did you hear about that guy? And I said, yeah, I did hear about that, because I did. It was on, it was on milwaukee news. Now you go.
Speaker 3:I said so, did that tell you to molest me when I was a little girl? And he goes what? That wasn't me, that was Johnny. I said he wasn't Johnny, it was you, don't lie, it was you. But I'm just in the scans your brain now and tell you I forgive you and I said but you know that, oh, my gosh, now it was time for you to go to God and repent for what you did. And I turned my card around and I took off, but it was like who's there? And like checking him at that, wow, and it was just like you owned it. Like you know, you're trying to cover it with a lame story about talking to melvin and then you want to spin it on somebody else, like no, I don't buy that.
Speaker 3:I said and I'm not stupid, because the event took place, because I pulled my arm, they confronted you and they yelled at you because you still said that I was lying and I was not lying, and so it was just like such an amazing moment shame, shame, just shame. And just to say you know what? It doesn't even matter if you want to confess it or not, I don't even care at this point for me. I'm telling you because I know this is forgiveness, is for me, not for you, but I'm saying that I now you go and deal with that. I said because I'm standing here and this is my victory story and I'm saying I forgive you. Now I'm walking away and remind my business how inevitable that was my life, because I cried after that. I cried in the car, because I was shooken and I didn't realize that that trauma was still in me, that I still have trauma, oh yeah oh yeah, so was that a neighborhood like a neighborhood.
Speaker 2:So he, no, he was an adult at the time.
Speaker 3:Yes, he was a grown man. Actually, I want to say he was in his 30s.
Speaker 2:Oh Lord, I'm so sorry that happened. Yeah, and I think that that was a God thing for you. Like you needed to, you've come so far and that was that little piece that you needed to be able to stand your ground on and get your footing back with it. You know, see your strength and how strong you were, and I think that's huge.
Speaker 3:Yeah, take it back to the beginning, because it's so crazy, because the first chapter of my book is called the Beginning. The first of you started oh, wow, isn't that something? That's wild. I love that a lot. I love that. That's great, yeah, and forgiveness is a huge. That's great, yeah, and forgiveness is a huge piece of moving on. You know, I feel like that For sure. Yeah, absolutely, and that's, it's part of the healing process.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and being able to let that go, because it lives in your body and it causes so many things and you know your body is your temple, right. So many things, and you know your body is your temple, right. And if you have that trauma and those, you know pains, their pains is what they are. They manifest as pains in your body, right, but it's really pain in your subconscious and comes out in so many ways. And to be able to heal that, to be able to move on, it's like feeling like a whole new right, absolutely so awesome. I love that for you. You know, I love that for much. For you to wrap it up and around like it's like a, like a bow not, but it's a good thing. I'm not putting it in a light, that's great, but I fear, yeah, yeah, yeah, but it's a. It's a good thing that you were able to like release that at that moment and say I forgive you know, yes, wow, that's, that's powerful. What a powerful way to end this.
Speaker 2:So, when did your book Unshakable release? When did that get released?
Speaker 3:Yes, so it released on November 2023. So it'll be a one year anniversary soon.
Speaker 2:Oh, I love that. All right, okay. So, like I said, I'll put that link in the show notes too. I can't wait to read it. I know there's so much more in that book that obviously we're not going to get into in a 45 minute you know podcast episode. So I appreciate everything you shared. You really hit all the highlights for us, and I and I know you know again, there's so many more things to be shared in that book, so I'm super excited to read that. And what are you doing now? You have a coaching business now.
Speaker 3:Yes, so I operate Journey to Alignment Coaching and I help small businesses, entrepreneurs and nonprofits accomplish their goals with excellencies through coaching, mentoring and technology. Help their goals with excellencies through coaching, mentoring and technology help. So really, my clientele are people that really need help when it comes to their business as technology, so like really wrapping their head around all the nuances of like all the different platforms, all the different social media, like if they needed their own websites, if they needed help with Google, they ended up setting up their email. So really helping them set themselves up. But I also do professional and personal development, so that's where that coaching piece comes in.
Speaker 3:And then the ministry piece of mine is the Unshakable A Woman in Christ and that's the book. You can get the softcover on Amazon or Barnes Noble. But if you wanted to go further and really heal, I now have my Unshakable Faith e-course and that is unshakablepodiacom and so now you can read the book. But you can also get inspiration and motivational videos right now along with that as as well as like a e-course curriculum. That kind of gets you.
Speaker 2:I love that and strength yeah, I love that so so much. I'm doing a lot of similar things as you're doing and I love that so much. My, my coaching is I talk more to people in recovery peer recovery, recovery support specialists and I really only got that certification to use it for myself and to be able to, because I talk to people that are recovering or have recovered, and I felt like I wanted that certification for myself. You know, right, right, and it's great. Yeah, congratulations, yeah, yeah, thank you. Even though I'm not doing anything different than I've always been doing, I felt like I wanted it for me, you know. So I am super happy to hear, like, where you were to, where, what you went through and where you came to. I just love that. I'm super happy for you and, girl, I'm super proud of you. You've been through it and you handled it, you survived it and I love it.
Speaker 3:Thank you so much. And now I'm using my voice as that young girl. I go to conferences, I go to women's care centers, transitional living centers, all kinds of centers to speak and to share a little bit of my story and motivation and inspiration. And it's so lovely, I love it. Yeah, little bit of my story and motivation and inspiration and it's so.
Speaker 2:I love it. Yeah, I love that. You know absolutely 100%. Well, I thank you so much, rossi, for coming on today and, just, you know, sharing and being vulnerable and sharing your story, because sometimes it's hard to go back. You start, you step into a new life and you become a different person and there's sometimes there's things you just don't want others to know, do you? You know what I mean, all right, and so I thank you for that, for doing that and taking it back as far as you took it and just going through that with me and, you know, just kind of reliving it, if you will a little bit, and I think it's good for us and healing for us to share our stories also. So, you know, thank you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, thank you. Thank you, joel, so much. It's been such a pleasure to be on your show. I'm so honored and thankful and I just know that our stories are going to touch so many and just leave an everlasting impact to help so many people in need.
Speaker 2:Thank you for saying that. I love that so much. You have a great night and we will talk soon. Okay, you too.
Speaker 3:Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1:I am so grateful that you joined me for this week's episode of Breakfast of Choices. If you're enjoying this podcast, please subscribe, give it five stars and share it to help others find hope and encouragement. The opposite of addiction is connection, and we are all in this together. Telling your transformational story can also be an incredible form of healing, so if you would like to share it, I would love to hear it. You can also follow me on social media. I'm your host, Jo Summers, and I can't wait to bring you another story next week. Stay with me for more Transformational Thursdays.
