Breakfast of Choices
Everyone has stories of transformation. And some of them include moments, or years of intense adversity, a time when it felt like there was no hope. This podcast, "Breakfast of Choices," holds space for people to share their true, raw and unedited stories of overcoming extreme struggles, like addiction, mental illness, incarceration, domestic violence, suicide, emotional and physical abuse, toxic family structures, relationships, and more. Trauma comes in so many forms.
Every week, as a certified Peer Recovery Support Specialist, Recovery Coach, Life Transformation coach and your host, I will jump right into the lives of people who have faced these types of adversity and CHOSE to make choices to better themselves. We'll talk about everything they went through on their journey from Rock Bottom to Rock Solid.
Through hearing each guest's story of resilience, my hope is that we'll all be inspired to wake up every single day and make our own "Breakfast of Choices". More importantly, that we'll understand we have the POWER to do it.
When someone shares their story, it can be unbelievably healing. And it can be just what someone else needs to hear at that exact moment to simply keep moving forward. So I hope you can find "that one little thing that sticks," along with hope and encouragement to just keep taking it one day at a time.
And now let me be the first to welcome you to the "Breakfast of Choices" community, a non-judgemental zone where we learn from, lean on and celebrate one another. Because the opposite of addiction is "connection", and we are all in this together.
If you would like to tell your story, I sure would love to listen. Please email me at Breakfastofchoices@gmail.com.
Respects,
Jo Summers.
Breakfast of Choices
Homelessness, Addiction, Prostitution, and the Relentless Pursuit of Recovery: A Powerful Story of Resilience with Mariah Pettry
Welcome to another episode of Breakfast of Choices! Today, I'm thrilled to have Mariah Pettry on the show. Mariah is the founder of Awaken Her Coaching, specializing in helping women with trauma, addiction, and relationships. Her approach goes deeper than just talking - she helps her clients find their purpose and create a no-nonsense action plan.
Mariah shares her story of coming from a difficult childhood marked by abuse and trauma, to the depths of addiction, homelessness, and prostitution for almost 5 years. She shares her journey with raw honesty, taking us through the highs and lows, the moments of hopelessness and the ultimate discovery of her purpose.
Mariah's journey took her to some dark places. She faced 12 overdoses and even lost custody of her son. However, Mariah never lost hope. After 27 rehab centers, she managed to find her way to a faith-based rehabilitation program, which proved to be a turning point in her life. Through this program, Mariah learned how to rebuild her life and become a responsible, functioning adult. She regained custody of her son and started a family of her own. Mariah's experiences have inspired her to pursue a master's degree in therapy, with the goal of helping others who have faced similar struggles.
Mariah's story is a testament to the power of the human spirit. Her resilience and determination are truly inspiring. By sharing her story, Mariah aims to provide hope and encouragement to those who may be facing their own battles.
I'm honored to have Mariah on the show today. Her words and insights are sure to resonate with listeners who are seeking inspiration and guidance on their own paths to recovery and personal growth.
Learn more about Mariah: http://awakenhercoaching.com/
From Rock Bottom to Rock Solid.
We all have them...every single day, we wake up, we have the chance to make new choices.
We have the power to make our own daily, "Breakfast of Choices"
Resources and ways to connect:
Facebook: Jo Summers
Instagram: @Summersjol
Facebook Support: Chance For Change Women’s circle
Website: Breakfastofchoices.com
Urbanedencmty.com (Oklahoma Addiction and Recovery Resources) Treatment, Sober Living, Meetings. Shout out to the founder, of this phenomenal website... Kristy Da Rosa!
National suicide prevention and crisis, hotline number 988
National domestic violence hotline:
800–799–7233
National hotline for substance abuse, and addiction:
844–289–0879
National mental health hotline:
866–903–3787
National child health and child abuse hotline:
800–422-4453 (1.800.4.A.CHILD)
CoDa.org
12. Step recovery program for codependency.
National Gambling Hotline 800-522-4700
Welcome to Breakfast of Choices, the weekly podcast that shares life stories of transformation. Each episode holds space for people to tell their true, raw and unedited story of overcoming intense adversity. From addiction and incarceration, mental illness, physical and emotional abuse, domestic violence, toxic families, codependency and more. Trauma comes in so many forms. I'm your host, Jo Summers, and also someone who hit my lowest point before realizing that I could wake up every day and make a better choice, even if it was a small one. So let's dive into this week's story together to learn from and find hope through someone's journey from rock bottom to rock solid, Because I really do believe you have a new chance every day to wake up and make a change, to create your own. Breakfast of Choices.
Speaker 2:Good morning, welcome to Breakfast of Choices life stories of transformation from rock bottom to rock solid. I'm here with Mariah Petrie. Hey, hey, hello Mariah, how are you, I am so good.
Speaker 3:How are?
Speaker 2:you. I am so great, I'm so happy to have you here. Mariah and I met on Facebook. We actually met on a podcasting website and she put a little bit of her story briefly on the website and when someone says they're willing to share, then I will approach. You know I take that with a grain of salt on approaching someone sharing their story. You know I take that with a grain of salt on approaching someone sharing their story. So right now you sent me your website and it's called awakenhercoachingcom.
Speaker 2:So you specialize in helping women with trauma, addiction, anyone who has a loved one with addiction and relationships, and you go deeper than just talking. You get them to a purpose and a no-nonsense action plan. Yes, ma. So, girl, you know how much I love all of that, right? So that's what drew me towards you.
Speaker 2:We basically are doing so much of the same things our stories, our backgrounds, all of the things We've talked a little bit, and so I'm just so excited for you to be on here and share your story today, from rock bottom to rock solid. You know, we just want to provide hope and we want to provide healing, and sharing our stories is not only healing but if someone can hear that one little thing, that stick. That's really what we want, and we don't share our stories to go look, look where we were, look what we did. Sometimes we do have to put humor in there, we have to make light of it and we have to laugh about it, because we lived it. So, yeah, right, so I'm going to let you just go ahead and kind of get started. How it all, how the journey began.
Speaker 3:Yeah, okay. So first I just want to say thank you for having me first of all, because I feel so comfortable. I listened to your story yesterday and it was phenomenal, even though you left me hanging for a little bit.
Speaker 2:You were close too Yesterday. You were like wait, wait, where's part two? I am so invested, it was so funny. Thank you for that, by the way, thank you, you're welcome, it was so good.
Speaker 3:So I feel very, very comfortable today and just being with, just knowing that I don't feel judged in this space and so, like this is a podcast for, you know, people who come to hear hope, I feel I feel so comfortable and I don't feel nervous at all. So I just want to thank you for that. Thank you. Ok, so you are saying that? Thank you, you are so welcome.
Speaker 3:I feel like I started out having. I had a really good childhood as far as my mom goes, but they split up. My mom and my dad split up whenever I was younger and he had remarried a woman that he unknowingly knew was abusing me from like three to nine and like she was like severely abusive. But I feel like I we spoke about like dissociation and numbing and I feel like I did that even as a young child. She had burnt me on the head with a curling iron and I had like a huge thing from it and that's where my mom kind of drew the line. But I had no, like my memory had completely wiped that out. Has your memory wiped things out before?
Speaker 2:Definitely that have come out later, or come out in counseling, or come out later, or sometimes something just triggers it and you go oh my gosh, oh my gosh. That's why I do that, that's why I like that yeah.
Speaker 3:That's where they gave up. So, anyway. So that that happened and my mom finally got custody back of me. She remarried a lot, either because they were not good to me or to her. So we did move around a lot and we ended up moving to California my fifth grade year and I had a stepbrother there and started like touching me and trying to make it like he wasn't doing anything. But I knew that he was, if that makes sense, and he was drinking and he was smoking. So around age 12 I started drinking and smoking with him and his friends because I thought they were cool and I thought I was being cool. So at 15 I ended up telling my mom and we moved back to west virginia and the people who were smoking were doing the pills. It's like it's like it it's connected. And I moved back to West Virginia and the people who were smoking were doing the pills. It's like it's connected. And I always used to hate the term gateway Like I hated I really did, but it's so true.
Speaker 2:It's proud, it's like getting around that proud. I know a lot of people that smoke marijuana, that do no other drugs. I do now and in adulthood, but as teenagers it does seem to be a gateway for sure expelled my sophomore year, uh, for getting caught smoking in the bathroom with my friend for her birthday.
Speaker 3:They told me what like that the can't. We were the only people to go in the bathroom that whole morning. So, anyway, we got caught and I met more bad people. At 18, I met a guy. He was doing stronger pills, he was doing roxy's, and so so many that I meet it starts with a man. I don't know what that is, but I just I thought that he said that it would make me. I started there and it just kind of snowballed.
Speaker 3:I woke up one morning though we were together for about a year at this point. And I woke up one morning and I'm like I'm getting the flu, babe, I'm getting the flu. And he's like no, you're just dope sick. And I was like dope sick, what's dope sick? And he was like well, we have to go get more pills. He was like you're not, you don't have anything in your system right now, and so you don't feel good. You're not going to feel good until you get it. And as soon as I took that pill, I knew this is bad, like I have. If I have to take this to feel better, what am I going to do? How am I going to stop this Right?
Speaker 2:And so so you did not know that they were addictive. You just didn't know that.
Speaker 3:I mean I had done the smaller pills up until then and I never got sick before that. So I didn't, you know, I mean, and I would take those on a weekly basis and if I didn't have them, I didn't have them, it was OK, I could function, I could work, but you know, I guess it just they're stronger. I mean, those were much stronger pills. So anyway, after that he was very, very abusive, very narcissistic, very controlling, very jealous, and so we were on and off for a few years and then the pills started getting more expensive and heroin came into play and I met a drug dealer and he's actually the father of my son and he passed away two years ago from an overdose. That was really hard, but I'll get to that in a little bit. He was 10 years older than me. He was crazy and he was wild and I just craved that.
Speaker 3:I didn't have a bad life growing up. I went through things growing up, but I craved that bad lifestyle. I wanted to be the bad girl. I'm like, oh, and then that movie 13 came out. Have you ever watched that? I was like, yes, girl, I want to do. And then that movie 13 came out. Have you ever watched that. Yes, girl, that I want to do that. I don't want to pierce my belly button and have my mom yell at me right like I wanted to be, and I have no idea why. I mean I had everything that I needed, even though we moved around a lot. I just craved that bad lifestyle, even though I had started doing drugs and I had already been in that abusive relationship. And I met the drug dealer. He was moving lots of product from Detroit and back and so I became the mule and I just thought I was a gangsta for a while. I mean I really did. I thought I was like the queen of Huntington, west Virginia. I mean I really did. Lord have mercy, you just become a completely different person.
Speaker 2:It's amazing what you aspire to when you're in that lifestyle and what you think is like I made it. You know what I mean? Yeah, Make what.
Speaker 3:Yeah, basically, I think, like my main goal was like I have enough to where I don't have to worry about it for a while. This is awesome and I mean I'm just zoned out. Those years of my life are gone, I haven't you know, because with heroin, I mean, I just slept basically for like what 10 years I did and so but anyway, he was also kind of controlling kind of. But I liked that protective aspect. You know, my dad and I get along a lot now, but before I felt kind of unprotected because of everything that happened with my stepmom and I love him to pieces. Now I found out later on that he actually had an addiction to crack for a long time and so I can understand where the break in relationship and parenting happened.
Speaker 3:So anyway, so after I was with him for a while, I ended up trying to go to rehab. I mean I was really trying to go to detox and rehab. But of course, if you're a drug dealer and you're using it, you're eventually going to run out and you're going to run out early. He ended up not having enough sometimes to go and re-up or whatever, and we it was just hell. I mean we would just be laying there like feeling like death and they don't tell you that in the DARE program they're just like okay, so you know you'll go to jail, you'll die, or you know you'll steal things. No, they don't tell you. You will feel like you are dying on your deathbed for five days straight.
Speaker 2:Right. Well, they don't. They don't. They don't say how bad it is, they definitely don't. I don't know if that would stop us as kids or not, I don't, but at least we would know Right. We us as kids or not, I don't know, but at least we would know right. We didn't know that that was addictive, like that it like would know yeah, yeah, that's important, right, and so anyway, I tried to leave.
Speaker 3:A few times I jumped back between him and my abuses abusive ex for a while, depending on where the dope was, but I ended up getting pregnant at 21 with my son used the whole time. I ended up getting on subutex and he I thought that he was the abusive guys because that's who I was at the time and he so he was with me that whole time. We were at my mom's house and we were. He was still using putting in front of my face every single day and that's hard. You cannot be around some like I can't. I have seven years sober and if somebody were to bring heroin in my house every single day for a week, I promise you I will end up picking up again.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's, it's change your people, things Right, and you and you have it. It's, you have to, you have to. There's no getting around that.
Speaker 3:Absolutely, jo. And so my son was born with withdrawals, of course, but not enough to where they gave him methadone and so that I've seen a lot of really hard things in my life. But to see a baby struggle like that and know that I did that to him and he had no, he's an innocent, innocent child. I just remember holding my belly and crying and saying I'm so sorry. While I was pregnant and doing it I mean I would just hold my stomach and just bawl my eyes out and say I'm so sorry, I love you, I'm so sorry, but anyway, he was born and as soon as he came out he looked exactly like the drug dealer and so my boyfriend at the time, the abusive one, the first thing that whenever, as soon as I held him and I looked up at my boyfriend at the time, the first words out of his mouth were you know, you're a, you're a whore, pretty much. And so we both knew it. We both knew it wasn't his. He son was at the hospital for about five days and as soon as I like the next day after I got to leave from the hospital, I ended up, we ended up going and getting more pills or heroin one, and about six months later we were me and the abusive guy were still together and we were dope sick and he was drinking to try and you know numb the withdrawals a little bit, but he was extremely abusive whenever he would drink. I just remember him flipping couches over. I can't even tell you what we were arguing about at the time, but he was so angry. I was standing in the corner with my son in my arms. I was like you are not going to hit me with him in my arms. He called my mom and then broke my phone and left the door wide open with me and my son just laying there. I had dropped him too and he had hit his head. My mom came over and she took him. He was okay, I mean everything. He's totally fine now he's an amazing young man. But I lost him. I lost custody of him.
Speaker 3:After that and our guardianship really my mom and my grandma took him and I really just I started to really spiral. Yeah, I went back to the drug dealer and we started doing heroin and meth and we started making meth and we started just really going into like just this crazy lifestyle. I was on and off with him and I was trying. I would. Every time I would see my son I would want to get sober. So, like, for the next few years, my entire life was rehab, detox, you know, trying to visit with my son.
Speaker 3:And then I had lost a house, I had lost my government housing apartment because of the meth lab that was found, and so I was homeless. And I mean, I was just just back and forth between rehab and trying to figure out how to stay sober, how to be with a you know, how to be around the people that are using you know. But then I was at a gas station one night and this man came, picked me up and he told me that he's like, well, I'll give you some money if we can go, you know, up to the backwoods. I'm like, oh my God, like I'm sick, I'm like whatever, like I don't care, sure, like how much. And so we went and I learned that I could manipulate men as well. But really they were manipulating me, right. I really thought that I was, you know, winning. You know I was. I was winning at the time, but I really wasn't.
Speaker 3:And so I was, uh, homeless for about four or five years and I was a prostitute, and I just went on like that for a really long time. I ended up going to 26 rehabs all over the country. Every time I saw my son, it was like something snapped in me and I was like I got to get better and I really wanted to change. But I would never finish a rehab and my family would always say you're so resourceful. I went all the way out to California and found my way home. I went to Florida and found my way home. I'd get running away and I remember them looking at me whenever I left one of the rehabs and they said if you're going to leave here, I want you to say out loud to us right now that you do not care about your son. And I'm like I don't care about my son, I want to leave. Like I was so angry, I was so, I guess, like more disgusted with myself and I felt like hopeless. Yeah, and you know, the thought of like starting over and being responsible is like so scary at that point and it's like, well, I have to start all over. I don't know how to do that. I'm like a baby walking out into the world. You know what I mean. This this was about, I don't know, in 2000.
Speaker 3:So, 2017, I had went through something really, really bad and I'm not going to talk about it because I don't want to trigger anyone, but it was just a very I went into a situation where there were multiple men and I had no control and I was set up, basically, and I was left for dead. I go to this older man's house who would let me stay there sometimes, but he would never give me money, but he would let me sleep there some nights, and so I just remember going there, so dope sick and I'm like I mean my body's broken at this point and my self-esteem and my dignity and my mental capacity, I mean. I was like I thought that I had hit rock bottom so many times, but then the trap door would fall right through. You know what I mean. And so at this point, I had hated God because I had went to so many churches and I would go there. Just, you know those hugs that you get, joe, whenever like you are so like, you are so hurt that you just want to be like squeezed and like held really tight by somebody who loves you and cares about you. Yeah, I would go there looking for that and I never. They would always look at me as if I were nasty or like didn't belong there. Nobody would really talk to me there.
Speaker 3:So I hated God. I thought that he was the reason for all of this and I got down on my knees. I was about to get in the shower. I was dope sick and I got down on my knees, butt naked, in this strange man's bathroom and I was like, god, if you are real and if you actually care about me, you're going to get me out of this. Because I mean, I've tried everything else, I don't know what else to do. And if you're real, I want you to show yourself and prove yourself Right.
Speaker 3:And so then I was like and if it's true, I said I'll be a soldier for you, I'll do whatever it is, I don't care, I'll do whatever I got to do. Just, I was at that point Like there's a point in addiction or where you have to change. And addiction could be anything. It could be a relationship, it could be the drugs, it could be eating or cigarettes, which I still have a problem with and I need to quit, but it could be anything. But you have to be at a point where being willing to do whatever it possibly takes, and I don't care what that looks like. I won't make an excuse for this, this or this. I'm willing to do whatever it takes. Just somebody f***ing help me. What's so?
Speaker 2:funny when you say that I have said this very same thing. Do you know how hard you worked to get the dope? Yes, it's so hard. Recovery is so hard. Look at the things that you were willing to do that you would have never imagined that you were willing to do to get the dough. If we can learn how to flip that little whip and turn that over to you can do hard things right. You've already proved that you can hustle and you can do hard things. Let's just put it in the right direction, right?
Speaker 3:Sorry, go ahead, oh ahead, oh no, you're fine. No, that I mean we can come up with. I mean well, people mostly come up with at the least like 20, 30, 40 dollars a day, a hundred dollars a day, 300. I mean we and the things that you can pawn and the things that you can do. I mean it is like the amount of strength that takes our mind to think about how to get like addicts are so smart and resourceful. We're just putting it towards the wrong thing.
Speaker 2:That's. That's another thing that employers don't realize. Like someone's incarcerated and they come out and they have dealt with it and they're not addicted anymore and they've healed and they've been through the classes. What they don't understand is how hard they work and how resourceful they are and how much they will hustle for you, because that is what they know. And so just a little plug for people getting out of prison and out of rehab that are doing well, like, give them a chance.
Speaker 3:Give them a chance, absolutely, and the best problem solvers, like maybe not whenever it comes to their own life at that time, whenever we're first getting sober, but as far as you know, oh my gosh. Yeah, like we are resourceful. We are so and we actually have very big hearts as well. I think that we are some of the most sensitive people actually, and using turns us into this big, powerful person that we want to be. You know like it makes you feel like you finally stepped into who you're supposed to be at that time, but it's a big facade, but it really does make you feel big whenever you've felt small for such a long time right and just give you voice.
Speaker 2:Your personality and your voice and what you do is just so different and, you know, when you look back at that you're like I didn't even really like that person. I'm not really sure why. That was cool at the beginning, but that's just what we tell ourselves when we're going through it, right, yeah?
Speaker 3:I don't even know. I tell people that all the time, like I don't know who that person is. Like as I'm talking about these things, it feels very weird. Like sometimes I'm like I don't know how, like looking at, I have no idea how I would even go about doing some of that now, like I just couldn't see myself in that, but anyway. So I ended up I prayed and two weeks later there was this guy who came and picked me up and he knew what I was doing and he was like I he's like I already know what you do, we can go pick this stuff up before we go, and so go back to my house. So we went and picked up the stuff, went back to his house and he acted like he was cool with it and started drinking. And he was like I want to trust him.
Speaker 3:And this was whenever elephant tranquilizer stuff was going around. I mean, it was like I was like I can't do that, like I was like you've already been drinking, you know your system's already, you know what's that called, you know what I mean, yeah, and so I was like we can't do that. So he, he was like well, you're not gonna leave until I do. And so I had tried to sneak out a few times, it just didn't happen. And finally I was like, okay, whatever, I put the smallest amount. And he also, he didn't just want some, he also wanted me to use a needle, which I mean I had been using with the needles for a long time. But you know, he, he was like, well, you're not going, you're not going to leave until you do so. I ended up doing that and he overdosed immediately. I mean, he's naked, I'm naked, and like it was. I got him back to where, like he was somewhat breathing, but it was like the death gurgle I don't know if you've heard of that, but like that rattle.
Speaker 3:And so I called 9-1-1 and they came there. I couldn't find my shoes, I couldn't find my shirt, all I could find was and this is January so I had a jacket, I had my bra, I had my pants and I walked out in socks, because as soon as they got there, I knew that they were going to go take care of him. And I started to walk out and the cop was like where are you going? And I was like I was just calling for him. He's in there. No, they searched me. I had been up for about five or six days at this point. So God only knows what I looked like, what I was doing. I mean, he could probably definitely tell that I was.
Speaker 3:So I got charged with a felony. It was a delivery of a controlled substance. I brought it to him, but he got it for me, so I don't know. Anyway, I pled guilty and whenever I got there, whenever I got to jail, I had been doing the whole detox thing for so long that I knew that if I told them and I'm not, I'm not gonna say it because I don't want to give anybody any ideas but I told them that I was on something and so they had to give me something too.
Speaker 3:So I didn't withdraw in jail, I just slept the whole time and I was so. I wasn't even upset that I was in jail. I was angry because I didn't get along with women, and I was. I just hated women for some reason on the streets because they were. The only time I had girlfriends was if we were doing a job together and that's it. Everybody else was so shady to me and on the streets women have to do what they have to do, but I knew, like I was. I did not want to go into jail with a bunch of women.
Speaker 2:That's what I was upset about it was 100% and that's it. That's it. It was 100% and that's it, that's it. I don't know what that's about. That is part of that lifestyle, like we are definitely not the only ones that feel that right, that kind of part of that. Something about women on the street. I don't know how to explain it either, and you know there's even like retreats and things that are good for you to go to, and for me, the thought of being with 20 women together makes me feel like I'm in prison. You know what I mean. Like you're in a pod and yet that's just like ugh. So I get it. Sorry, no, no, no, yeah.
Speaker 3:I just. But I knew people. I like, thankfully, knew a few people in there, so I felt kind of safe. But I was there for a few months and they're like if you plead guilty, you can let you out. And I was like, okay, whatever. Or they said or you can fight it for a year, stay in here and fight it for a year, and then you know you can be released for good and maybe get it off your record. And I was like I'll leave Thanks for good and maybe get it off your record. And I was like I'll leave Thanks. And so got out for a weekend, overdosed two times. I mean I had overdosed 12 times during my addiction in total. And so this was my final two.
Speaker 3:And I went to my probation officer the next Monday and I'm like she said did you use? And I'm like, yeah, she's like, okay, well, you're going back to jail. And I'm like, well, I thought that you would give me a chance. Like I just got out, You've got to give me a chance. No, so I went back in for another few months and then she put me in a. She said I'll let you out if you go to this faith based rehab. And I was like, OK, cool, I'll get out.
Speaker 3:And I was court ordered there was like, okay, cool, I'll get out. And I was court ordered there. And as soon as I got there, everything changed. Everybody I was, you know, so broken whenever I got there, but I felt so good whenever I walked into this space and I don't know what it was, I just felt like I was supposed to be there and I felt like I could breathe. I knew everybody was so warm and welcoming and it didn't feel fake. And even though it was women, I was like this is like good women, Like there's a difference, Like, wow, you know, definitely a difference. Yeah, and so, anyway, I was there for a year, finished out my program. I was there for a year.
Speaker 2:That's awesome. Had you ever been to faith-based before? No, okay, so this was the first time it was a faith-based Okay, yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I had no phone. We had no secular TV, no secular music. We didn't go anywhere but church. We didn't see men and it was the best year of my entire freaking life. It was. It was fabulous.
Speaker 3:I had no, but the only thing that was hard was being away from my son and starting to feel like I was supposed to be a mom to him this whole time. These are the years that I've missed out, and so I was like I've got to get my life together. So after I graduated, I actually stayed an extra year to help the women coming in. But I also, as soon as I got out, started looking for me a boyfriend and I found one and I had my daughter. I got pregnant with my daughter and then. So then we, after I left there, I moved in with him and we moved down to Georgia right before the pandemic and I graduated probation early.
Speaker 3:After I learned how to be a person like a responsible adult, because like paying bills and like doing dishes and laundry and being a wife and being a mom and being like just a normal human being, you know who functions around people, is really like I said, it's like a baby coming out into the world and what I tell a lot of my clients is that I thoroughly believe that we are about as emotionally mature as the as the point where our first big T trauma happened, and so it's about our responses to situations, emotions, and I still I mean I still have anger problems, but not as severe, but I can still see myself acting like a toddler, acting out.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean. You're aware of it now, like you're aware of it, so you can monitor it and deal with it. And when you're not aware, and you're not self-aware, when you're in your addiction, the crazy things that we do are just beyond you know. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, absolutely, it really is. It's such a it's good to be aware of. I think that's the first step really is being aware of what it is, how it shows up and where it came from. I think that's so huge. But anyway, just, and then life after prostitution and having a functioning marriage is also. That was also really hard for me, and the beginning now it isn't.
Speaker 3:He is, my husband is such an amazing man. He's a father of my daughter and he stepped up and became a dad to my son and so I got custody back of him. You know, at the same year I had my daughter and he's so amazing and I'm so I'm custody back of him. You know, at the same year I had my daughter and he's so amazing and I'm so. I'm honest with him. I tell him everything. I mean he handles everything very well and he asks me questions and I'll be honest with him. He never really knew his dad. He had only met him a few times as a baby, but it still hurt him. He had only met him a few times as a baby, but it still hurt him. I think the biggest thing that hurts me about him passing away is that he never got to see this side. You know, he never got to see this side of life and he didn't get to meet his son or get to know him. You know now, and how amazing is yeah, after all he's been through so um.
Speaker 3:So then, after I got adjusted and everything, I was like I really just, I know, I feel like god was tapping on my shoulder, like hey, like you want to be a soldier for me now I was like, let's do it. So I applied for school about five years ago and so I'm working towards my master's. I had to become a therapist and then I didn't want to wait that long at the time to become a therapist. So I was like I can be a coach and I can get 100 certifications, as we were talking about that earlier. Yes, yes, yes. So I left the trauma. I was a trauma coach for about two, three years and then I left to be business niche like websites, marketing emails, funnels, blah, blah, blah. It just didn't feel right. My calling is to help people who need to hear things like this and to know they're not alone, absolutely.
Speaker 2:That's the number one to know you're not alone and to not lose hope, because that you know. You touched on it too when you were telling the beginning is you felt hopeless. And when we feel hopeless, that is when the major spiral happens. If you can get through feeling hopeless, even you know a lot of people don't make it. There's a lot of suicide awareness around feeling hopeless. But, yeah, if you can get through feeling hopeless, even you know a lot of people don't make it. There's a lot of suicide awareness around feeling hopeless. But if you can get through it and find your way to hope, it will change it absolutely. Your life will change, and that's you know. You know I'm sure you've heard this in recovery a million times Connection is the opposite of addiction. Right, yeah, absolutely All in this together, and you have to get yourself connected. You do. You have to be ready, though you also have to be ready. You have to be ready, and everybody's ready is different.
Speaker 3:Yeah yeah, everybody's rock bottom is different too, but I absolutely believe that there's only a few things that have kept me sober, and that's God, and who I choose to surround myself with.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 3:Because it's not who I surround myself with, it's who I choose. I have to be very, very careful, but after I mean now that I have seven years, sober it, just it doesn't seem appealing to me. I'm just like. It seems like I cannot imagine my life without my kids. They drive me absolutely nuts sometimes. I have a five-year-old and 11-year-old, but I can't imagine my life without them. Now I just can't, you know yeah, so, and that's you know.
Speaker 2:That's amazing that you have them both and you got and you found a good man. You found a good man, and that's a challenge in itself. When you have the what's the word I'm looking for here, the old way of how you looked at relationships and how you looked at men and and finding a good man is scary. It's scary, uh, to to do that, but you let yourself do that. So good, good for you, thank you. I'm single, my choice. It just works for me.
Speaker 3:Well, you've been through a lot too, you know. I mean, and it's like being single and, just like I said, that year of like just me and God was like the best year of my entire life, you know. But I was also helping the women that were around me and there's truly something powerful about finding your purpose of helping other people. That's healing in itself, absolutely. You know, that's like the end goal is finding even an AA, an NA. That's a lot right there, right, and that's a lot.
Speaker 2:It is acts of service and you know they say acts of service and that's so much less than what it is. Because you really you find yourself, you've turned your pain into purpose and you find yourself wanting to help, Not because the court ordered you to go do community service or not you didn't have to get your paper signed but you want to help people truly. I mean, it's just in you, it's in every fiber of you that you know that you can help someone else that has been deep in those struggles. And I think that is about what you said about being a soldier. I think that's what it is. We were a warrior soldier in a different way. There's a way to still be a gangster, badass soldier, but doing it in a different light right, exactly.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, I absolutely feel so much. I feel much more of I mean to be juggling like parenting and then trying to help people and then going to school. I'm like you know, and you're doing all of these things of helping people. I mean we're right where we're supposed to be.
Speaker 3:It might be chaotic right now, but I really think that it's like, at the end of the day, we can breathe, knowing that we are really truly trying to make a difference in people's lives. To make a difference in people's lives and not just because like we, not because we want to be, like you know, known for, like be it's not for show right, it's for. I've been where you are and, oh my god, if you only knew that I know how you feel and how, how absolutely shattered you feel and you feel like you can't climb out of this hole, like I understand, and just that is so. If somebody would have said that to me, if I would have had somebody come up to me and be like I know a way that I can help you, which I might have not even been ready at the time, but still to have somebody like that would have been so life-changing for me we do have to be ready, but it is about hearing that one little thing that sticks.
Speaker 2:Sometimes you may not use it right at that moment, but it's always there. It's always there. And I remember the moment of thinking my life is always going to be this way, what does it matter? I remember that moment of saying to myself it doesn't even fucking matter, my life is always going to be this. I might as well just wild out, you know, and I do remember how I felt at that exact moment in time and not having anybody to talk to about that, not having anybody to even just share that super little statement with. You know what I mean, but to me it wasn't little. To me it was the rest of my whole entire life that I saw flashing before my eyes, which wasn't going to be long if we continued that path.
Speaker 2:Right, right, the end game is prison or death, or both. That's the end game. There is no other real result. You can't hustle forever, you can be broke down on the street, but still that's going to end in, you know, prison or death. I mean, it's all going to eventually just end that way and we get one time around.
Speaker 2:As far as we know, we get one time around and in what we feel and what we see, we get one time around, and why are we not striving to make it the best that it can be and the best that we can be? Yeah, that's what I tell my son. My job as a parent is to make him the best human that he can be. You know, and that's truly our jobs. And I just gosh, your story is so powerful because everyone can't see you right now, but I can just see it in your face and I can see it in your eyes and you've been through it and you came out of it and that's so healing and so powerful, like it's just. It's so powerful to know that you can make it through something that hard and still come out on the other side. Thank you, that's truly beautiful, truly truly thank you so much.
Speaker 3:I never, I never thought that I would be here. I mean, you look at normal people and you think it could never be you, but it's, it's possible. So thank you so so much.
Speaker 2:I so appreciate you yes, and I'm so glad that you shared today and you, when you, when you say I met them on Facebook, it sounds so I don't know. What is that you don't want to try? Non-professional or not, or?
Speaker 2:not I'm just not on anything like. It's just, oh, this random person that sometimes you just know yeah, I would have been. Sometimes you just go, that person and I are going to connect like if we met at McDonald's. You know what I mean. I just know sometimes that I think that's intuition. You know intuition and from our lifestyle of knowing Absolutely and being careful with your surroundings and who you choose to be in your space, and sometimes you just know, yes, so Absolutely. Thank you for agreeing to do this with me today. And you know, give of your time, because time is precious. We're busy, right? I appreciate that more than anything, because giving our time for others and to be able to help others and provide that hope is so, so huge. So thank you for everything that you're doing right now in the recovery world and the recovery community, just for the person that you chose and let yourself become. Thank you so, so much, thank you.
Speaker 1:I am so grateful that you joined me for this week's episode of Breakfast of Choices. If you're enjoying this podcast, please subscribe, give it five stars and share it to help others find hope and encouragement. The opposite of addiction is connection, and we are all in this together. Telling your transformational story can also be an incredible form of healing, so if you would like to share it, I would love to hear it. You can also follow me on social media. Share it, I would love to hear it. You can also follow me on social media. I'm your host, jo Summers, and I can't wait to bring you another story next week. Stay with me for more.
Speaker 3:Transformational Thursdays
