Breakfast of Choices
Everyone has stories of transformation. And some of them include moments, or years of intense adversity, a time when it felt like there was no hope. This podcast, "Breakfast of Choices," holds space for people to share their true, raw and unedited stories of overcoming extreme struggles, like addiction, mental illness, incarceration, domestic violence, suicide, emotional and physical abuse, toxic family structures, relationships, and more. Trauma comes in so many forms.
Every week, as a certified Peer Recovery Support Specialist, Recovery Coach, Life Transformation coach and your host, I will jump right into the lives of people who have faced these types of adversity and CHOSE to make choices to better themselves. We'll talk about everything they went through on their journey from Rock Bottom to Rock Solid.
Through hearing each guest's story of resilience, my hope is that we'll all be inspired to wake up every single day and make our own "Breakfast of Choices". More importantly, that we'll understand we have the POWER to do it.
When someone shares their story, it can be unbelievably healing. And it can be just what someone else needs to hear at that exact moment to simply keep moving forward. So I hope you can find "that one little thing that sticks," along with hope and encouragement to just keep taking it one day at a time.
And now let me be the first to welcome you to the "Breakfast of Choices" community, a non-judgemental zone where we learn from, lean on and celebrate one another. Because the opposite of addiction is "connection", and we are all in this together.
If you would like to tell your story, I sure would love to listen. Please email me at Breakfastofchoices@gmail.com.
Respects,
Jo Summers.
Breakfast of Choices
The Power of Resilience: Surviving and Thriving Against All Odds with Krys Marazzi
Welcome back to another episode of Breakfast of Choices! I’m excited to welcome Guest Krys Marazzi on the show. Krys is the host of the Untamed Psyche podcast, and she has a wealth of wisdom and life experiences to share with us. I had the pleasure of being a guest on her show, and I knew I had to have her on mine to dive deeper into her incredible story of transformation.
Krys has been through so much in her life, from the trauma of her early childood to the challenges of addiction, incarceration, and starting over. Through it all, she has shown an incredible resilience and determination to not only survive, but to thrive and help others along the way.
During our conversation, Krys opened up about the painful details of her past, including the revelation at age 13 that she was a product of rape. She also shared the constant fear and upheaval she experienced, with the perpetrator trying to maintain a presence in her life. Despite these overwhelming obstacles, Krys found the strength to turn her life around, get sober, and become a devoted mother.
Krys' story is a testament to the power of resilience, self-discovery, and the transformative impact of helping others. She's now a financial advisor, a co-owner of a motorcycle dealership, and the founder of Mazarati Solutions, a women's empowerment group. Her passion for supporting her community is truly inspiring, and I'm honored to share her journey with my listeners.
If you're struggling with trauma, addiction, or just feeling alone in your journey, I encourage you to check out Krys' podcast, Untamed Psyche, and reach out to her for support. Her story is a powerful reminder that no matter how dark the road may seem, there is always hope for a brighter future.
Untamed Psyche Podcast episode w/Jo:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep-26-juggling-judgment-w-jo-summers-breakfast-of/id1714792873?i=1000671538251
Learn more about Krys:
https://linqapp.com/krystal_marazzi?r=link
From Rock Bottom to Rock Solid.
We all have them...every single day, we wake up, we have the chance to make new choices.
We have the power to make our own daily, "Breakfast of Choices"
Resources and ways to connect:
Facebook: Jo Summers
Instagram: @Summersjol
Facebook Support: Chance For Change Women’s circle
Website: Breakfastofchoices.com
Urbanedencmty.com (Oklahoma Addiction and Recovery Resources) Treatment, Sober Living, Meetings. Shout out to the founder, of this phenomenal website... Kristy Da Rosa!
National suicide prevention and crisis, hotline number 988
National domestic violence hotline:
800–799–7233
National hotline for substance abuse, and addiction:
844–289–0879
National mental health hotline:
866–903–3787
National child health and child abuse hotline:
800–422-4453 (1.800.4.A.CHILD)
CoDa.org
12. Step recovery program for codependency.
National Gambling Hotline 800-522-4700
Welcome to Breakfast of Choices, the weekly podcast that shares life stories of transformation. Each episode holds space for people to tell their true, raw and unedited story of overcoming intense adversity from addiction and incarceration, mental illness, physical and emotional abuse, domestic violence, toxic families, codependency and more. Trauma comes in so many forms. I'm your host, jo Summers, and also someone who hit my lowest point before realizing that I could wake up every day and make a better choice, even if it was a small one. So let's dive into this week's story together to learn from and find hope through someone's journey from rock bottom to rock solid, because I really do believe you have a new chance every day to wake up and make a change, to create your own. Breakfast of Choices. Good morning and welcome to Breakfast of Choices life stories of transformation from rock bottom to rock solid. I'm your host, jo Summers, and today I have with me my guest, chris Marazzi.
Speaker 2:I am super happy to have Chris on with me today. She is just smart, she's fun and she's beautiful and she is full of life's wisdom. In our chat today we're going to talk about Chris's journey from troubled childhood that was just really marked by a lot of trauma, a lot of trust issues that spill over into adulthood.
Speaker 2:We're going to explore some really rough years addiction, legal troubles and how child experiences shape our adult lives. We're going to talk about rebuilding life after trauma and that it takes time and it takes effort and that having community support and understanding. That really lets us know that we're not alone in this journey, and it's really one of the things that I love most about Chris. She's really with me on this and wants more than anything for people to never feel alone in their struggles.
Speaker 1:Chris had me on her podcast a few weeks ago and it's called Untamed Psyche.
Speaker 2:That will release sometime in October and I'll put that in the show notes as well. I'd love for everybody to check out Untamed Psyche also.
Speaker 1:And you know the reason that I do this podcast is just to let everyone know you're not alone in your struggles, to be here to offer hope and encouragement to anyone that may be struggling. If you need resources, if you need to talk about anything, please reach out. I am here, I am listening. If you'd like to share your story on the podcast, also reach out. I would love to sit down with you and just chat about life and talk about what's made you who you are today, so I'm going to go ahead and let Chris get started with sharing her story this morning.
Speaker 1:Hey, beautiful, I am so happy to have you here today. Good morning, welcome to Breakfast of Choices. Life Stories of Transformation from Rock.
Speaker 2:Bottom to Rock Solid. I am super excited to have Chris Marazzi with me here this morning. She is awesome. I always want to call her Maserati. She's awesome. She's a really, really cool chick and she has a lot of good words of wisdom, and I was just actually on her podcast and got to know her a little bit, and she does a podcast called Untamed Psyche, so I will put that in the show notes as well. I'd love for everybody to check that out and I'm going to let Chris just go ahead and get started with her story this morning.
Speaker 2:Hey, beautiful. Hey, how are you this morning? Good, how are you doing? And, by the way, happy birthday, thank you. Yeah, it's a fun birthday. Yes, it is. So I'm a whole year older and more decrepit today than I was yesterday, so I don't believe it for a minute. Yeah, so thank you for having me on and I really appreciate you taking the time out to let me share my story and you know, maybe my story can help another, right? So, absolutely, Someone's going to hear that you've had that.
Speaker 2:I've listened to and you know it's sometimes. It's just that one little thing that someone said that somebody else has said in a different way, but you say one certain thing and it just sticks and it's like, and it just gives you that sense of relief for some reason, right, I think we all like to say we don't need outside validation. I'm like number one, I'll raise my hand Like I don't need your outside validation. However, we're all human and I do believe that an outside validation can sometimes help heal Absolutely, just knowing that we're not alone, right, we're not doing everything by ourselves, even though it feels like it Absolutely. And that is actually why I started the podcast. So I do multiple things, right, but I started the podcast in itself because I wanted people to realize that they weren't alone.
Speaker 2:I think so many times we get stuck in this rut of being alone and we think our traumas are special to us and they are, because nobody's situation is identical. But we get stuck in a comparison mode and we get stuck in these, you know, just situations of. You know, nobody knows what I've been through, nobody knows how I feel, and when we boil down to it, we all have similar traumas or they have affected us in a similar way and we react in similar ways. And so if we can come together as a community and say, hey, you're not alone.
Speaker 2:I don't quite understand what you went through, but maybe you've lost a child, right? Well, I've never lost a child, but I have lost a nephew and I have lost several people in my life, so I know what grief is, right, right, so let me hold your hand and walk you through these cycles, right, and so I think that is a big, significant way of how people can heal. So sometimes people will be like, well, what you know, what makes you qualified, right? You're not a counselor, you're not. I mean, I don't know, life makes me qualified right. So as far as my story, right, we'd be here for hours if we just went through all of it you know, and nobody has that kind of time so, but I have.
Speaker 2:I have seen and experienced probably more than many people. There's lots of people right that have experienced more. I'm not trying to go into that comparison road. I like to do that. I like to sweep my stuff under the rug and say, well, it wasn't as big of a deal as the next person's, right. However, you know, my trauma started super and really before that, depending on what you believe in and how things affect you in the womb, right. And so you know, I've had issues all the way from the beginning of my pregnancy or beginning of my life, right, my mother's pregnancy and that conception period, and so I don't know how all of that affects right, they're still doing studies and, and you know how, what the mother feels and how that intertwines with how you feel after you're born, right, we talked about that book, a little bit primal wound, right, my friend, uh shorty teresa, sent that to me.
Speaker 2:We've been talking a lot about adoption and how people feel. The adoptees feel kind of get pushed to the wayside, because people like to say, oh, you're so lucky, oh, there's this and there's so much more to it than that, and I won't even pretend to know. I was not adopted, but I am very interested in how that does affect people. You know that's a different form of trauma and trauma comes in so many forms, so there is some effect of that, right. Yeah, I know your life started a little differently, in a different way, and left some questions for you. For sure I don't know if any of these listeners you know interact with other podcasts and things, but on Brandy Gilstrap's podcast it talked about how it was a product of rape. I didn't buy it, I didn't find out that was a possibility really until I was 13,. But there was always this random person in our life that was always trying to like do things like kidnap me and all these kinds of things, right, and so I never quite could wrap my head around it.
Speaker 2:I was a child, right, and so, like I have pieces and memories and things that I was able to you know kind of piece together. You know, when I was 13, he was a slumlord, 13, uh, he was a slumlord and so he was on. He had a bunch of rental properties and he was on to, you know, our local tv, uh, some kind of court case or something, and I just started bawling right, and I was just really upset. Well, I was like, do you know that person? You know, and I'm like I don't know if I do or not, I feel like I do. And so that's when she told me so I was in my 13 stage or whatever. So you'd obviously seen him, because you, yeah, you remembered, yeah, you remember, I definitely remembered who he was. I still actually can remember his smell and which is very interesting. But there's been a few times that I've been in stores and things of that nature and I've melt his cologne and I just start crying like I can't. So, like I'm not really sure, there's a lot of missing pieces, which is frustrating.
Speaker 2:And we were talking about that, you know, on art, when I think it was after the podcast, it was. But you know, why do you want to know those things? Well, I don't, I don't know, I guess just to fill in the holes. Right, there are things that I would love to know that I will never know. But so it was always a possibility and we rocked along and you know, I'm looking over my shoulder my whole life Because, like I said, he, he stopped me basically to get to my mother, to upset her.
Speaker 2:He even, you know, tried to go to court and say that you know, it was like she was part of the family and like she accepted what happened. And you know, he would take pictures and things and say that he was at our birthday parties and whatever. He was never in the pictures, he was just taking the pictures of us. Court obviously threw all that out and because he was trying to get custody, but he just wanted to upset her, that was the goal. So he actually went to court to try to get custody, but he just wanted to upset her, that was the goal. So he actually went to court to try to get custody of you.
Speaker 2:Yes, so I can't seem to find any of those records, but that's just kind of what my mom has briefly told me. There's lots of things that we haven't like. She does not really like to obviously talk about it and there's a fine line between me needing to know things and causing more problems for my mother, right? So, yeah, it's a tough one, girl, it's a tough one. Yeah, so it's like just one of those things. Right, but like, I would love to see if I could find those court documents.
Speaker 2:But of course I was a minor and I don't, I don't even know where to really start on that stuff and who had the kind of time for that, but to know what was said really in that courtroom and but whatever it was, it was thrown out. I mean, the dude had a record, you know the rap sheet was long so you know, even at that time and then it just got longer as time progressed. So but you know he would, he would pay people to be my friends and so I would be friends with people and they would go and report back to this guy so he would know where I was and what was going on in my life. There was a time that he tried to connect me from elementary school and there was another time he tried to get a note to me in junior high and so like the principals, the schools, like everybody was really involved and what was going on. But I didn't quite know.
Speaker 2:I just knew that like I couldn't, like I could, I was very limited on where I could socialize and who I could be with and, like you know, the kids just go hang out at the mall. I couldn't do those kinds of things and so it really limited my childhood, you know as far as what I could do. So if you all were talking about it, how were you told that you can't do those things? Like, what was the reason given? Yeah, it was more of like a blanket. Just it's not safe, right, it's just not a safe place for you to be. We don't know anybody could do anything to you at any point.
Speaker 2:And then once I kind of knew that there was that possibility, I knew that this person was a bad person and he could cause problems. Right, bad person, and he could cause problems, right, like I didn't really know about, like the pain of friends and stuff until I was almost into high school. So I was almost junior high and I don't know how, like I don't know many people he did that to. I do know of three that he did it to, and so I don't know and you know, to this day I don't even know who was still, who was like legitimately a friend or not. That's got to affect you in some ways, I'm sure. I'm sure that I can imagine that that trust factor that you have is probably somewhat like mine. Yeah, I mean, I trust people about as far as I can throw you in. I struggled to lift a 30-pound door my part of of a 30 pound door yesterday, so it's not very far. I understand Totally. How did they know that he was doing that? Did those people tell you even remember how that went? But it was a.
Speaker 2:It was like one of those things that I've always been inquisitive. I've always been very, I've always had spidey senses right and like. My intuition's always been really strong. And I remember asking them something. I don't remember what it was, but it was something that like to me, like things weren't adding up, and then it finally just kind of came out right. But I had my own phone line and he used to call and and those kinds of things, and I just said I can't tell you, I don't remember. There's been a lot of things that I've blocked out, that I don't remember all the details to, but yeah, it was um and then opened a store named after me. Oh, there was that.
Speaker 2:So if he was doing all of this with you, was he still trying to have contact with your mom? I think I mean she wasn't going to, as far as I know. No, like I don't, she wasn't going to entertain that. And you know, my mom remarried and my dad passed away when I called my dad. We passed away when I was six and she remarried by the time I was eight and so I was almost seven. So you know, it was about a tad over a year she remarried and so he was pretty protective of her. The really the only way he could get to her, I believe, was through me, and so he knew that that's the way to get to, because whenever the initial, you know, uh, situation happened it was, you know, he would threaten my older sister and say that if she told anybody that you know he would kill her, and so that is. I mean he knows that that was her triggers, right for children, and so yeah, he just. I mean he left dogs on our front porch one time there was a child, he left a cow dog and on our front porch and I was so upset because they wouldn't let me keep the dog and I mean I get it now right, but I was, I really wanted that dog and you know, I mean he even went as far as having a tenant. Like my stepdad owned property and he rented out. He rented out a portion of that property and he had a tenant rent that property from him and it took a little while for us to track back that they were connected. But I mean he was just everywhere. I was like everywhere you turn, that's where he connected, right. I mean he was just everywhere. It was like everywhere you turn, that's where he was Right. And I'm really trying to let you know I'm here. Yeah, yeah, he definitely was trying to do that. Yeah, so, but yeah, then he opened a convenience store and named it after me and you know, have my name and everything, and so, yeah, it was just nonstop.
Speaker 2:And so whenever I got pregnant, there's other issues going on. Like you know, with all the issues that I had, I got into drugs and things. I left home at 16. And then I still finished high school. I even got my vehicle taken away for minor in possession of alcohol, alcohol, and I had to walk 10 miles to school in August heat, like I was very I was always very determined to do what I wanted to do and I wanted to finish high school. I was in the work program and so I would. I would change into boxers, right, and a wife beater and I would walk to school. I would get lucky. Every now and then somebody would pick me up and I'd walk to school and then I would walk, I would change clothes and then I would change back into those clothes, walk to work, change the clothes. So I always had a backpack on me so I had all the different clothes. Now I worked at a grocery store and so I would walk to work and then I would have to walk home.
Speaker 2:And because I moved out at 16, I moved in with a girl, because you can't have your own apartment right At 16, she was 18 and she knew she had me by the conus and so she made me pay everything. So, yeah, so 16 years old, I was paying big girl bills and then she got, like I said I was, got that license taken, my license taken away for a minor possession of alcohol, because they were stupid and we were all in my vehicle and they threw out a beer bottle when I'm calling flashes lights because they were speeding. They were actually driving, I was driving and so, but they were driving my vehicle and so now I made some really poor choices but, you know, I just didn't. I felt alone, right. So, like my stepdad and I didn't have the best relationship, my sister moved out because of my, you know, partly because of my stepdad. She went off and got married at 18. I was didn't really have a strong relationship with my mom anymore because, you know, my stepdad just didn't really allow it. I was, I didn't really have friends, you know. So it was like I just felt really alone. Yeah, yeah, you know, and I just don't want people to feel like that anymore.
Speaker 2:So I do a lot to try to make sure people don't feel alone, whatever that is, whether it's through the podcast or through my women's empowerment group or through, you know, advising portion of being a financial advisor with Edward Jones, you know, and like people will come in and they have these issues with money and it's, you know, a psychology type issue, like they can't get past, like something they've done or whatever. And we'll like, we'll talk through that because I just don't want anyone to feel like they're traveling whatever journey it is by themselves, like I may not understand it, but I can walk with you. Yeah, you know, I may not know what that pathway looks like, but I'll, I'll walk with you, yeah, so you're not alone, you know absolutely. So, yeah, I appreciate that about you. Well, they shall thank you.
Speaker 2:You know, we've been talking back and forth a while on Facebook, just messaging things like that, and we hadn't even really met face to face until a few weeks ago. I felt like we already had some sort of connection, you know. So when we met it was like old home week Right. I felt like I already knew you, which was very cool. You know what I mean, that's that's to have that experience with you, and I can feel why you would feel all those things and the trust and the feeling alone and all of that.
Speaker 2:You didn't know which way to turn and who to believe and who to trust and who not to trust, and that's very hard when you're young and who to trust and who not to trust, and that's very hard when you're young. That's a very hard through because that's shaping you of who you are. You know you didn't hear probably all the things that you needed to hear and you've said you know, you don't know that you'll ever really know the whole truth, and I had asked you why. You know, why do you need to know this, why do you need to know that? And I totally get why. I totally get it. I just wanted you to say it so you know what it means, that you're saying it out loud and you're you're understanding it too, and you went through a lot for sure.
Speaker 2:There's just been so much. It's like it just keeps coming, you know, I just I feel like now, you know, at 40, I guess I'm 43, now I feel gross coming out of my mouth. I'll take 43 again. You know it. Just, you know, it was just one run after the other Like you get, like you don't even really have time. It's almost like somebody's just dunking you underwater, right Nonsense. Like you come up, like some of it was self-inflicted. Could I have stayed at home, you know, and probably yeah, but it was very much physically and emotionally abusive. But I went out in the world and got the same thing right. So it's like what do you do, right? So, and it probably would have been more of a safer, like traumatic situation to stay at home than it was to go out, right and make myself vulnerable in that aspect. But you know, I was just like. I can do this myself, right, which put me in a financial bind, because now I have to do it myself and I'm still going to school and I'm still trying to do all the things.
Speaker 2:And then, you know, I was just like I, you know, tried to commit suicide a few times. And I say try to. I don't, you know, I don't ever want to take away from anyone who has lost somebody. You know, who did suicide? Right, because they followed through with it, they got it done right, and it's like there's always that stigma that did you really mean it if you didn't follow through with it? Because you can't follow through with it, right? A bullet is pretty, but, however, being young, I did not want to wake up. I did pray repeatedly for me not to wake up and I would take bottles of pills, but could I have gotten something stronger, sure, religious, I don't really know, because I'd have to be able to go back and ask my child self that, right, but I know that I really didn't want to wake up, for sure.
Speaker 2:And so when I started partying, I was like, well, let's just go out in a fun way, right, let's just do this and not and whenever, since I can't seem to make it happen, right, I tried to use a belt once and choke myself, but you know, again, I didn't necessarily do it. You know, quote, unquote, proper way. I didn't get the chair and I tried, you know, so like I don't know what my headspace was then, it just wasn't good. I know that. And so, you know, I started mixing every drug I could find, right, and I'm just like, okay, challenge accepted, don't do uppers and downers, let's do it. You don't add alcohol to it, let's do it. You're not supposed to mix your alcohol, let's do it. You know. And it was like let's do it all, yeah, let's do it all all at one time, you know.
Speaker 2:And like the sad part, you know, like I would put it all together in a blunt, you know, and just I would lace my weed with I mean, you're talking heroin and all the things, right, and I'm just like let's just do it all at one time. See what happens, right, and nothing ever happened. And so I was like I got pregnant and I, you know, I guess I was just looking for someone to love me, right. So God gave me somebody to love me and for someone for you to love, right, that unoriginal love, yeah, yeah. And so, right, that right, general love, yeah, yeah. And so I said no more, I just changed, I just totally what. I flipped the script because it was not about me anymore, it was about somebody else. Yeah, you were playing russian roulette with your own life and self-sabotaging every single day. And, yeah, how did that feel when you woke up and the moment you found out you were pregnant and that switch just flipped. Well, so it took a minute for the switch to flip.
Speaker 2:So, because I come from a religious family and I knew it was going to be really bad, and I think every time I got sick for, you know, I don't know the flu or whatever, I mean I didn't really get the flu, but a cold or whatever it was like, are you pregnant? Are you pregnant? Because I was not on my own, you know, and I was like, no, I'm not pregnant, you know. And then so, and then the doctors had told me that I couldn't get pregnant because or it would be very unlikely I can get pregnant, because I had a bunch of issues like cysts on my ovaries and things like that, and so I didn't even think it was a possibility, so I was not super concerned about it. And then I got pregnant and then I was like, oh no, this is going to be really bad. How do I break the news to everybody? And so I knew that wasn't going to go over super well. So I was not super excited and I had obviously stopped, and I'd actually stopped doing. I was kind of phasing myself out anyway.
Speaker 2:But it was just hard to walk away from Right, because he was the only person that ever showed interest. I felt like it. I felt like it was love. It obviously was not love, didn't want to walk away from what I'd put work into. It was the longest relationship I'd ever had, and so I just didn't want to walk away from it and I just kind of felt like we could get through it together. He kept saying he wanted to stop doing it, but he just would not stop, and so I was already phasing myself out of it, kind of anyway. And then when I found out I was pregnant, I was like this is going to be really bad. And then it got really, and then things got really bad. There was a lot. I was extremely emotional, partly because I hadn't healed through any of this other stuff.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I was, you know not. I was having to deal with everything because I was not on drugs anymore, so there was no more numbing, right. So it was like Feelings, yeah, yeah, somebody threw me into a very deep cold water, you know, and I had to wake up and, uh, yeah, things got really bad. Like he, he wouldn't go with me to the doctor's appointment and I hadn't told my family yet and, like one time he just like left me to go handle, handle everything. He just jumped out of the truck because he wanted to go sell some, sell some drugs, and I never told anybody this, but I chased him down the highway in my truck. I was like telling you, I was a little, I was a little, yeah, I was struggling, I get it. No, I did, though I chased him down the highway in my truck. I don't think I mean, obviously I could have caught him. It was in a truck, right, but he was probably pretty scared. So, and then I had actually called a. I had actually called the. It was a. It was a homeless shelter for pregnant women. You can be court ordered there or you could come in and fill out an application and try to get in right. So they had a house mother who had bunk beds that you stayed in and everybody there was pregnant or just had a baby, and it was very Christian related and I was like I need to get out of this situation. So I had actually called the Monday before I got arrested and, I'm sorry, the Friday before I got arrested, and then that was the weekend of Valentine's Day and we had a big fight on Valentine's Day. He smashed my head into a steering column. I had a big goose egg on the front of my head and he basically I was the only one with the vehicle and so he wanted me to take his friends home. And so we get into the vehicle, do this thing to go home, take them home. I dropped them off and we went, had to go out of town and whatever. So I dropped one of them off, I dropped the other one off and then he's like, hey, your truck, it looks like it's overheating, so I'll pull over up the trunk or prop the hood. And he's looking at it or whatever. And this is like midnight on Wednesday midnight or whatever, and I guess it rolled over to show you where it's deemed to me. I don't even remember, but anyway. So pop pulls up and he's like you got to say you were driving, and I was like, okay, and so I did. And apparently there was a meth lab in the back of the truck and the second guy we had dropped off was over at the Anhydrous pneumonia tank and that were off in the distance that I didn't know were there and anyway. So I got my vehicle.
Speaker 2:I'm six months pregnant at this point, so I missed my appointment on Monday to go into the homeless shelter for pregnant people and so I go through my processing and do all that stuff and then the court ordered me to go there anyway. So that's where I ended up. And so you're six months pregnant, you're on the side of the highway, you get arrested, and then it's a Friday, of course. So we know you're staying the weekend, right? Oh, sure, I was there, for I was actually. I was actually booked in for eight days, yeah, okay.
Speaker 2:So you're going to this nice old concrete place trying to figure out what's next, and you know you missed your appointment on Monday. You don't know yet that you're going to be court ordered for that. So I'm sure you're freaking out with the. Now what am I going to do? Yeah, for that time that you have all the time in the world to think about things, and then so you get to court. Is this your arraignment? That you go to man? That was all a blur. I don't even remember where they first are trying to decide what. What's going to happen? Yeah, holding or whatever. Okay, yeah, well, they.
Speaker 2:So they had to put me in a county because it was a very small. It was a very small place, very small town, and they had to put me in a county and I had to stay in the drunk tank because they didn't have a spot for females. So that's small, right, and so females, wow, okay, yeah, wow. And so I will say that like I was treated like a queen when I was in there, like they brought me extra like padding, and like they, they, they were very, I guess I would say, for jail, right, they made sure I had extra clothes and I was warm and they were really, really nice. They were really nice. I can't say enough about them. But like he could hear me, like he and I, because he got booked in too and then he had a warrant for his arrest, which is why he wanted me to say I was driving, and so we go in.
Speaker 2:You know, I guess when we initially got booked in, like they had us all separated and whatever, and you know I told them what happened and the other, the other two guys they found the other two guys and the other two guys were like well, we don't know anything about it and of course they all pinned it off on me. No-transcript, it was interesting, I will say that everybody, all the women there, were very protective of me because I was pregnant. So there was a couple fights that brought broke out and and there was a few of them that would stand in front of me like when that fight happened and stuff to make sure I was safe. So I could have had a lot worse experience, but I wasn't in there for very long. My parents posted bail, they moved me back to county, they picked me up at county and then the lawyer was on drugs and it was a nightmare. So I basically pled deferred justification and did an expungement and because I'd never even tried a student ticket, like I was plain clean, right, and so I think it kind of went a little differently, but whatever.
Speaker 2:So we moved on and had to get my truck out of impound and it was just. You know it was not a bright moment for our family, you know, being who we were, you know. So, yeah, it was not good. So then I went and stayed in this like homeless shelter whatever you want to call it pregnancy center, and you know I was the model person like and I had a vehicle, so I was still able to go and visit my ex and present and whatever, and so I was still trying to make it work.
Speaker 2:He kept saying it was good, like he was going to stay clean. Obviously he's, you know, was it. Obviously, we all know you can smuggle drugs in there. But you know, for the most part we're thinking he's clean, right, and he's like, you know, getting religious and doing all the things. He's wanting to get married while he's in there and I'm like, luckily I said no, you know, I did want to be married before I had my son, but something just kept telling me no, my mom was very much adamant about not doing that and I'm glad I listened to her and I think he might have had good intentions there. I don't know if he was trying to trap me or he had good intentions, I don't know.
Speaker 2:But once I had my oldest, I picked up and came back, came to Oklahoma, so I was in a different state and I moved from that state here because one that we saw crazy out there, right, that was already. That has shown that he will try to influence a child to be part of, so we didn't need that. He will try to influence a child to be part of, so we didn't need that. And then also, I was in the drug scene. People knew my vehicle and then, on top of that, I just got through this record situation so I just needed a fresh start. My sister lived here, so I just picked up and moved here. So I was homeless. I didn't have a home.
Speaker 2:In fact, when I was incarcerated, his brother my ex of the brother stole all of our things. He let all the meth heads in our house. Actually, when I came out and I got out, I went to the house that we were staying at, the rent house, and he had a meth lab in there and they had stolen my clothes. They stole all the baby things that I had for the baby. They had stolen my underwear, like literally everything.
Speaker 2:They took it all. They took, stolen my underwear, like literally everything. They took it all. They took my dog. Oh my goodness, yeah, they stole my dog. I don't even know where my dog went, and so I got two different stories One they sold it, one they let it go. So I don't really know what happened, but so I lost everything. So then I moved to and I stayed on my sister's couch until I was able to get enough money for a deposit or a rental home, and so that was actually across the street from her. They had purchased houses and they had duplexes across the street, and so I bought the duplex across the street so that I had help with the know, with the baby and all the things, and then that was in 2002. So July, I believe 2002, is when I moved here because he was born.
Speaker 2:Well, would have had to be June, because I stayed at my mom's like two or three days after he was born, and then I picked up her move, so June of 2002. We all know what happened in May of 2003 here in Oklahoma. So I lost everything again and my duplex was flatlined. And, for everybody that doesn't know, there was a devastating May 3rd tornado in Oklahoma, and I mean devastating. Tornadoes are devastating, no matter what. This one was particularly just flat, yeah yeah.
Speaker 2:So I walked out of my sister's house. I got lucky because I could actually see it in my rearview mirror. I was lucky enough just to live through it, I think at that point. But I went into my sister's house not my house, because I didn't have time to unlock the door and she had my kid. So I went into her house Ten seconds later, like you could feel it, it was right there, like I mean, in my truck I was flooring it. I was going 35 miles an hour and I was flooring it in my truck, so it was already in the suction portion of that tornado, and so my house was gone.
Speaker 2:I had one wall that stood in his crib, my son's crib. His room was partially untouched, but everything else was gone and I just started over and so I came out and just fell on my knees and screamed what do you do, right? We're just filling out this time that the world is against you, like trying so hard, and you're trying so hard and you're moving forward and step back and forward and step back, and it's that dance, and, man, that takes a lot out of you, girl. It takes a lot, yeah, and you know, if you have an addiction which I didn't, luckily, thank the Lord that I did not have to battle that portion of it, right, because I was able to just stop everything I wanted to stop cigarettes, whatever, I could just stop it at the drop of a hat. And you know, these people, people are like. You know it's hard for me because my ex was, you know, addicted. He had that addictive side of it and my son didn't get what he should have gotten right from that dynamic and it's unfair. It's unfair to the children, it's unfair to the spouses, it's unfair to everyone. But also like when you come out of a prison facility and you have a record and nobody wants to hire you and all of these things are going on right and life just keeps punching you in the face, like they went through the things that I went through, where you have to start over and start over and start over and start over, like it's just hard, it's hard to do without the numbing agents, right? It's like 100% Like getting a tattoo right, so you've got this thing on your body and no, I didn't get numbing agents to get my tattoos. But lots of people do now, right, because it's easier. And it's the same thing, right, like you're getting punched in the face and it's just easier to do it numb.
Speaker 2:I don't think we give the people that have been able to walk away from the addictions enough credit, because the statistics are against them very much, the life is against them, you know, and it's hard to keep starting over and keep starting over and keep starting over. And that's essentially what you have to do. You have to get on your playground, you have to, you know new places, new things, new people, and it is difficult to just start over. You know that's a huge passion of mine recovery and addiction and the whole start over, reentry and all of that. And that's why because it is difficult and people will say, well, they put themselves there, they put themselves there. I get that side of it too, I do. I do get that side. But addiction is 90% trauma related. So, yes, they put themselves there, but there's usually a root cause why somebody gets started Right, and it's usually to cover and mask something else that has gone on. So, while I get both sides of that, you never know what someone else is going through until you walk in their shoes. That's absolutely true. You know. You hear me say it, I know you've seen me say it. Just be kind, just be kind. You never know what someone may be going through. You never know the struggles of someone else because you don't see behind closed doors and you know it's all we have to do is just be kind, and it doesn't cost us anything, I agree. Just have a little empathy, even even if you can't relate, even if you can't understand, even if you need to be judgmental, because that's just who you are just try to be kind, you know. And so how old are you? At this point? Now, I'm.
Speaker 2:I had him right before my 21st birthday. So when the tornado hit, I was 21. Yeah, I was 21., okay, and then I was a single mom until I was my gosh, I think I got married. Well, I had Kelton at 28,. So I probably got married at like 26, maybe.
Speaker 2:And then, yeah, having Kelton was new, that was the, that was a whole problem too, and help syndrome and it uh took every. It took all of everything we had. Like I mean, I didn't lose my house, I was able to figure it out. But it was like it was like you just need to file medical bankruptcy and I'm like I, I can't do that. I just fixed my credit Like I cannot do that and I just refused to do it. So I worked five jobs I would go and do on the weekends. I was the person in Thames that was handing out food and like, doing those kinds of things we had to do secret shopper pizza. So I made the initial investment of the $, dollars or whatever it was, to buy the pizza and then if I kept that up, I think you could do it once a week. So if I kept it up every week, then we always had one meal a week and so, yeah, like I.
Speaker 2:And then I was going to school because when I got pregnant or whenever I was having the complications with kelton, I had him at 31 weeks and so they had thought when I went into the hospital I was going to be there for eight more weeks because they were going to keep me there Cause I wasn't when I went in. It wasn't, for I wasn't having labor pains, I was bleeding to death, and so they were planning to keep him in bed rest for the eight weeks and then, when my blood pressure jumped up, they had to go get him. So it was just like every day. It was a changing situation, right so. But we walked down to their owing, the hospital, $40,000, you know the. The actual bill was $400,000. You'd like to put it in perspectives, crazy, jeez.
Speaker 2:And so I and I lost my job because of it, because I thought I was going to be there and it was a small company and they just didn't have to honor FMLA or the EOC wouldn't touch it Like nothing, right, and that was back in the recession on top of it. So you couldn't just find a job, you know, and it was just. It was hard, it was a really hard situation and I made the majority of the income for our family and with that we lost our benefit. That benefit came with the health care and I had to drive to Dallas because his head they didn't rotate him properly in the hospital when he was in the incubator and so his head was lopsided. So I had to get one of special helmet yeah, those cost $4,000. And he really needed a second one. But, yeah, I agreed the first one.
Speaker 2:But I just couldn't do it. I was just tapped out and he was really close to being at 100% and I was like I think that I was hoping that it would just reform itself. And it did. He's totally fine now, but it was the it piled and piled and piled and piled and piled and it took me 14 years to get out of that hospital. That situation of moving money and trying to pay that off, you know, and they would call and they would be just like you know you owe this money, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like I'm giving you, like then, the hospitals, you know you give them five, ten, fifteen dollars, whatever you can right, because it's not one hospital bill. It's like I had a spreadsheet of hospital bills of 30, like I owed, like 30 different bills yeah and so you have to pay five dollars here, 25 here, whatever, whoever will work with you and whatever.
Speaker 2:And then they call you like just non-stop. But like I broke my, I threw my phone against the wall because it was just, I was so frustrated it wouldn't stop. And they were. I was like it's not, I went out. Yeah, it's like. I mean, that's the hard part of it. A lot of people wouldn't have even done that. You know what I mean. I would have said I'm not, I'm just not, yeah, and you were trying so hard and yet they were still on you.
Speaker 2:And that was back when you had to pay everything with checks, right, so you'd mail in a check. So then they just were like, I was like I'm paying you, you can't do this, blah, blah, blah. Well, then they just stopped cashing the check. Oh, we never got it. No, you got it. You just didn't cash it right, so that you could take recourse, because you're tired of the $5 payment and I'm like, at least I'm paying you, like I'm paying everyone. Everyone is getting a payment of some sort, like I was like, but I've got to work with the people who are going to work with me first, right, if they're like, you know you pay $100 to this one because they're going to wipe off half the debt. You got to pay that $100 to them and $5 to everybody, right, and it was just like I don't know so stressful that is. So, yeah, like, and then I was working 12 hours a day and going to night school and raising an event all at the same time and yeah, it's just been. It's just been like non-stop, right, a whole situation. So good. Yeah, you have went on, though, to do some pretty damn amazing things. Yeah, you are definitely a survivor, a warrior. Somebody's going to get through what they got to get through and do what they got to do. You know there's, you were walking and you were doing what you needed to do and taking care of business, no matter how hard it was, and you know there's a just surviving you know what I mean. Is is difficult in itself Sometimes. Tell me what you're, tell me what you're doing. Now You're, how old is your son? Both sons, how old are they? So my oldest just turned 22, june, 6 he's, he was 22 and then my youngest just turned 15 fourth of july is his birthday and then I. So, because of the pregnancy complication, they did not recommend that I have a third one. So that was really sad because I really wanted a third child, but they said I would probably die, so I did not do that. Probably good, yeah. And so, uh, I yeah.
Speaker 2:So I, in 2019, like, I went and worked in the car business before that, for I was in the auto industry of some sort for 11 years and I got out of that because that did not align with my morals and I kept switching different sections of the car business because, like, well, maybe this one will be better, maybe that's not, and it just was not. I just was not, but it was paying my bills, right, so I was drowning, so I did what I had to do and I did it as honest and fair as I possibly could, which didn't make my management happy, but it made my customers happy and I just did the best that I could for everyone and found that, tried to find that middle ground, but it was just a. I mean, I cried almost every night Like I hated that. It just was not for me. It can be for some people and if you find the right company to work for, it can be, but it just was not for me and but I was really good at it, like I was top three in sales throughout the whole, like 13 dealerships. I mean I was good at it, but I hated it.
Speaker 2:And so then I went to night school and was doing that while I was working the 12 hour shifts, and then I decided that I was going to try to be a financial advisor 2019, man, I went and took all the testing and did all the things that you have to do to do that and that's the whole situation. And then got certified to do that and you know what that's like? Yeah, it's rough, it's rough. I cried and so yeah, and so that's like that is yeah, it's not. I cried and so yeah, and so that's what I do now, as my, you know, day job is.
Speaker 2:I'm a financial advisor and, um, try to help people. This is really any way I can right, so, like, in that aspect, I'm helping them with their finances. But a lot of times, people do have these issues, like I said, that they come in with and like why they think the way that they do. We really dig, we try to, I try to dig into that with them and and work through that because, just like you said, you can't fix what's happening on the surface if you don't go to the root of the problem. If the root of the problem goes back to childhood or it goes back to just their thought process of scarcity, mindset or whatever it is right, and they don't heal that issue, then the surface is going to be a struggle to fix right.
Speaker 2:And so we try to dig into that. And then I have Maserati Solutions, which runs the women's groups that I have. It's an empowerment group that we do retreats and trips and get-togethers. So then whatever I think that might make someone happy, I try to create an event around that and then I try to get people to go to that. And I don't do it to make money, I do it really at cost, and most of the time I don't even cover the cost of my time and most of the time I don't even cover the cost of the event. So the last one it to the last one, I just it was, you know, several thousand off and so. But I just want people to be happy and so try to create a space for that. Whatever it looks like I'm in the moment. Then I talk people through the re-entry coach to try to re-enter a different mindset, whatever they're experiencing. We try to work through that. Then I own a motorcycle dealership, so I'm co-owner of that as well, and then, yeah, there's a podcast, right? So? And then I volunteer with Veterans for Life.
Speaker 2:I know you do, and so I stay pretty busy. So you know there's there's something with that in itself too, and I hear this all the time. Oh, my God, I can't even tell you how many people say this to me. You stay so busy, you stay so busy, you stay so busy. You're always helping other people. What do you do to help yourself? Someone just said it yeah, morning. What do you do to take care of yourself? Well, I don't know. Some of it sounds like for you to helping other people does help. Take care of me. That is where my cup gets filled. Is it always easy? And is doing things for free all the time always probably the best way to do things? No, I'm a single mom and have bills to pay as well, but it's just where life has taken me. We go with the flow, right, we're going where we need to go and filling the holes and doing what we think needs to be done. Right or wrong, that's what makes us happy too. Right, it's helping people, and I think that's why we connected so well. Yeah, we just have that same mindset I think of. We're going to survive, we're going to get through it, no matter what has to happen. It's going to happen. We'll get to the other side, but we're going to help people along the way while we're doing it? Yeah, I definitely try to do that.
Speaker 2:And you know, like, sometimes, like when you try to help people and, just like you said, you know for free, like sometimes you just need them to carry part of the weight, and then they don't want to do that, and then I get guilt from that as well, like it's just like, but I can't do everything. You know it's a like, but I can't do everything. You know, it's a recovery statement too you can't work harder for someone else than they're working for themselves, right? Because then you're carrying them and that's a form of enabling, and so that's a hard thing for me as well. Other people want to help, you want to help, you want to help, and then you get that guilt cycle and all of that. So that's definitely, you know, something to keep working on, right, because we can't do everything for everybody and carry everybody's everything Just doesn't really work, even though, no matter how hard you try, you can't get mad at yourself, right? Yeah, absolutely, you know so, and it happens a lot where people try to take advantage of that situation.
Speaker 2:Like you know, I bought there's a single mom that she was I bought her a car. You know, I felt like I'd kind of put that situation in my lap and I was in the car business and somebody was willing to give a very nice vehicle to me for this, you know like 600 bucks, right, it was like, and it was worth double. You know like two or three thousand dollars they were, and it was, it was. It was barely driven by an older lady that had passed and they were trading in. So they were like we want, we want to help, you help her, and I was like man, but she totally squandered that and then tried to come back and get help. Whenever I'm like man, I can't, I can't. You know, I gave you a lifeline to help yourself and you I just you know there's somebody else out there that needs my help, that is willing to put in the work. Right, you got to be. If you want help. That's the thing. There's going to be some work with that. You've got to put in some work. You know, helping someone help themselves they still have to put in some work and it's not always easy and it's not always fun, but it's necessary. It's necessary.
Speaker 2:Well, I love everything that you're doing. I love your heart, and just getting to know you has been, has been fun and there's so much more of you to know there's a huge onion to peel back the layers there. That's in your eyes. You can, you can see that for sure and I hope we get to continue doing that sincerely. Yeah, and I'm super excited it's your birthday.
Speaker 2:You don't want me to sing to you God, nobody wants me to sing to you but I want to. Well, you're more than welcome to. It's not gonna. I'm not gonna be upset about it. Your listeners may be. I want you to sing it like the Marilyn Monroe Happy birthday, mr President. Now that's much better, girl, much better. I hope you do get to do something this weekend and take care of yourself for your birthday. I appreciate that I'm going to Scissortail Park tonight for the recovery prevention event, to do whatever they're doing out there. So I'll be out there for that. But thank you for spending your Saturday morning with me on your birthday. I appreciate that so much. You're so welcome. Is there anything, any final words that you would like to say? Yeah, I mean here's.
Speaker 2:The thing is like, again, you're not alone. We also like we're alone in this journey of life that we are traveling, but you're not. There's somebody out there that's willing to walk with you, but that person may not even know that you exist. You can't stop asking for help. You can't stop speaking your need and the right person is going to come along. They're going to find you.
Speaker 2:If you hear this podcast, know that there's at least two people that are willing to talk you through things, and there's several more. Probably almost anyone on either one of our podcasts would walk you through whatever you need to right. So that's why we are doing this is so that we can create this community of people you can reach out to. So you don't have money, if you don't have funds, it doesn't matter. They're gonna walk you through it until you can find what you can find right.
Speaker 2:We're not licensed professionals. We until you can find what you can find right. We're not licensed professionals. We're just people that have been through it, that want to help you get through it, and that's it. That's all I got. You love that. I love that.
Speaker 2:So obviously you know we touched we just touched briefly on your story. There's so much more and so many more years to unfold Again. You know we've lived long lives. It's very difficult to do that in one podcast session, right? But thank you for sharing everything that you did share today, and you know there's some painful things there and I know there's people that are going to hear that and relate, and that's the part that fills my cup too, just knowing that someone will hear something that they can relate with and know that they can reach out if they need to. So, again, I appreciate it very much. I hope you have a great rest of your birthday and a good weekend, and we will talk soon, for sure, and everything that we talked about and all your links you can send me some of them will be in the show notes as well.
Speaker 2:I'll send you my link tree and I'll make it a little easier. Yes, thank you. I haven't figured out how to do the link tree, but I've gotten a few of them. I'm like this is so cool. Well, on that link tree, there is a button that says link it's L-I-N-Q, not L it, and you just spill it out and you got a free link tree. I could set up my own link tree. Oh my gosh, this is great, super easy. It's amazing. You never know who's there to help you guys. You never know. Well, thank you so very much, chris. I appreciate you so, so very much.
Speaker 1:I am so grateful that you joined me for this week's episode of Breakfast of Choices. If you're enjoying this podcast, please subscribe, give it five stars and share it to help others find hope and encouragement. The opposite of addiction is connection, and we are all in this together. Telling your transformational story can also be an incredible form of healing, so if you would like to share it, I would love to hear it. You can also follow me on social media. I'm your host, Jo Summers, and I can't wait to bring you another story next week. Stay with me for more Transformational Thursdays.
