Breakfast of Choices
Everyone has stories of transformation. And some of them include moments, or years of intense adversity, a time when it felt like there was no hope. This podcast, "Breakfast of Choices," holds space for people to share their true, raw and unedited stories of overcoming extreme struggles, like addiction, mental illness, incarceration, domestic violence, suicide, emotional and physical abuse, toxic family structures, relationships, and more. Trauma comes in so many forms.
Every week, as a certified Peer Recovery Support Specialist, Recovery Coach, Life Transformation coach and your host, I will jump right into the lives of people who have faced these types of adversity and CHOSE to make choices to better themselves. We'll talk about everything they went through on their journey from Rock Bottom to Rock Solid.
Through hearing each guest's story of resilience, my hope is that we'll all be inspired to wake up every single day and make our own "Breakfast of Choices". More importantly, that we'll understand we have the POWER to do it.
When someone shares their story, it can be unbelievably healing. And it can be just what someone else needs to hear at that exact moment to simply keep moving forward. So I hope you can find "that one little thing that sticks," along with hope and encouragement to just keep taking it one day at a time.
And now let me be the first to welcome you to the "Breakfast of Choices" community, a non-judgemental zone where we learn from, lean on and celebrate one another. Because the opposite of addiction is "connection", and we are all in this together.
If you would like to tell your story, I sure would love to listen. Please email me at Breakfastofchoices@gmail.com.
Respects,
Jo Summers.
Breakfast of Choices
Overcoming Alcoholism: An Inspiring Path to Sobriety and Renewal with Angie Gerber
On today’s episode of Breakfast of Choices, I have Guest, Angie Gerber, who shares her powerful story of transforming from rock bottom to rock solid. Angie opened up about her struggles with alcoholism, the shame and isolation she experienced, and the turning point that led her to seek help.
Angie described how her drinking started socially in high school and college, but gradually spiraled out of control over the years. She hit a devastating low, hiding her addiction from loved ones and neglecting her responsibilities. Angie's husband's ultimatum was the wake-up call she needed to make a change.
Attending AA meetings and connecting with a supportive community was a game-changer for Angie. She also discovered the power of mindset work, working with a coach to shift her perspective and beliefs. Angie's journey was not without setbacks, but her commitment to personal growth and her desire to help others fueled her recovery.
Today, Angie is thriving, both personally and professionally. She's passionate about sharing her story to break the stigma around addiction and mental health struggles. Angie's resilience and authenticity are truly inspiring, and I'm honored to have had the chance to have her share her story on the show today. If you or someone you know is facing similar challenges, know that there is hope and support available.
Connect with Angie:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/angie-gerber-coachingwithag/
https://awarenessiskey.buzzsprout.com
https://www.facebook.com/angie.gerber.5
https://www.instagram.com/angie.gerber.5/
https://www.tiktok.com/@agcoaching4life
From Rock Bottom to Rock Solid.
We all have them...every single day, we wake up, we have the chance to make new choices.
We have the power to make our own daily, "Breakfast of Choices"
Resources and ways to connect:
Facebook: Jo Summers
Instagram: @Summersjol
Facebook Support: Chance For Change Women’s circle
Website: Breakfastofchoices.com
Urbanedencmty.com (Oklahoma Addiction and Recovery Resources) Treatment, Sober Living, Meetings. Shout out to the founder, of this phenomenal website... Kristy Da Rosa!
National suicide prevention and crisis, hotline number 988
National domestic violence hotline:
800–799–7233
National hotline for substance abuse, and addiction:
844–289–0879
National mental health hotline:
866–903–3787
National child health and child abuse hotline:
800–422-4453 (1.800.4.A.CHILD)
CoDa.org
12. Step recovery program for codependency.
National Gambling Hotline 800-522-4700
Welcome to Breakfast of Choices, the weekly podcast that shares life stories of transformation. Each episode holds space for people to tell their true, raw and unedited story of overcoming intense adversity. From addiction and incarceration, mental illness, physical and emotional abuse, domestic violence, toxic families, codependency and more. Trauma comes in so many forms. I'm your host, Jo Summers, and also someone who hit my lowest point before realizing that I could wake up every day and make a better choice, even if it was a small one. So let's dive into this week's story together to learn from and find hope through someone's journey from rock bottom to rock solid, Because I really do believe you have a new chance every day to wake up and make a change, to create your own. Breakfast of Choices.
Speaker 2:Good morning, welcome to Breakfast of Choices. Real-life stories of transformation from rock bottom to rock solid. I am here today with my guest, angie Gerber. Hi, angie, how are you? I'm lovely, how are you? I am so good and I appreciate you coming on today. We were just talking a little bit before we hit record and just the appreciation of having someone come on and share their stories and be so raw and vulnerable with everyone, because it really can't impact a lot of things. We get in that cycle and we'll talk a little bit about that cycle that we get in until we finally share and realize what a difference that actually does make. So again, thank you for being here today. I met Angie on a podcasting group. We kind of talked back and forth and really was happy to have her come on and share her story today and the things that she's doing now. And I'm going to go ahead and kind of let you get started and we'll just visit back and forth a little bit and just have a chat.
Speaker 3:This morning Sounds good, I love it. Thank you so much for having me. Absolutely, absolutely, yes, absolutely. So I just turned 48 earlier this month and I graduated in the class of 1995 from Hopkins in Minnesota. I'm still here.
Speaker 3:I didn't travel too far away and I would say that if I were to count up I probably lost over 20 people. I know to some form of addiction just in my class or that time period Well, it's more if you kind of stretch it out a little bit but just just so prevalent. So I actually I think I took my first drink when I was probably 14 or 15, you know, and just that. You know what we did back there. We did the whole. You see the memes and and the stuff online where you go to you know the I don't know if it would be like a keg party, either at someone's house or in the middle of a field, or, yeah, we're not. So it was just always something that you know we did and we kind of did for fun back in high school and that went through to college. It I was still able to obviously go to classes and get stuff done and get hired with a job and and it was a lot more social at that time.
Speaker 3:I myself come from a long line of recovery alcoholics as well, both my parents and, if you look at, different extensions of families, it's everywhere and I think, now that I've shared my journey more, I know that it's everywhere for everyone, just about Absolutely, absolutely. Yeah, I got. I've always had a servant heart, so I've always had a customer service role of some way shape or form, and in 2014, I took the leap from a 13-year career 401k, six weeks paid vacation, knowing everything about everything to real estate knowing nothing and having to start over at 100% commission terrified. And yet I knew that's what I had to do like serve people at that level.
Speaker 2:What made you decide to take that leap?
Speaker 3:I think it's because when I was at my career for like 13 years. I knew that there was a ceiling in a way and I had started having kids. And you know, when you get up at like 536 in the morning, you drop your kids off, you go to work, you pick them up around five o'clock, get home, have dinner and you might get an hour with them. You know, I was just so dedicated to my job and I'm like, well, if I'm going to be this dedicated and if I'm going to be away from my family, let's make it count and let's get some, you know, into a position like sale, where you can make a big impact for people and also make a lot more money. Yeah, you can make a big impact for people and also make a lot more money. Yeah, and you know, trade time for money and on task and it's just. I thought that would be a different way and the thought of helping someone buy, sell or invest in their biggest asset just really excited me.
Speaker 2:I love that. I love that so much. As you know, I'm also in real estate a bit. I've sold new construction, I've done flips and rehabs a few nothing crazy and I work for a company that does flips and rehabs now, so I totally understand what you're saying. When you're dealing with somebody's, that's their dream, right, it's a dream. Whole ownership is a dream, and it's a beautiful thing to be a part of.
Speaker 3:Yes, absolutely. And so in 2014, I actually joined a good friend of mine's real estate team, got right into production I think I did over 30 deals my first year and just a well-oiled machine and got in there and got it done and loved it. You know, I learned so much and then we lost one of the team members to cancer in like 40 days and, as you know, being 100% commission real estate up and down, it's just a lot. And so you know I could see that my drinking started increasing a little bit, like I couldn't wait to get home to have that glass of wine you know, the mom wine, all those memes as well, and things that are going on. I definitely was a part of that and my story and where my rock bottom hit was in 2017.
Speaker 3:And if I look back, it was probably about six, probably closer to nine months that I became someone I wouldn't have recognized even a year earlier. Like that switch flipped in the decisions I was making, the things I was doing. I like got drunk one day and forgot to even just go to a showing. You know it just wasn't me, it wasn't who I was, and you know my husband said so many times I can't do this anymore. Can't do this anymore. And I can go so much more into my story, but you know I was driving around drinking, hiding it, dropping it off at hard garbages because he would check the garbage. So I had to figure out how to do this and I self-isolated myself so much that my friends that had known me really, really well, ride and die for over 25, 30 years, had no idea you know, and so pretty well, you were really really isolating, hiding, yeah.
Speaker 2:So before that, previously, you were social drinking, yeah, mainly so we talked about that a little bit too. You know, especially in the industry, you're doing happy hours and you're doing mingles and you're doing let's meet for a drink and you're let's talk over cocktails and let's sign this over. You know it's, it's a lot of alcohol, involvement, right and it's, and it's so behind closed doors. Nobody knows what's going on with you. So how, how do you think, like you were, you were doing the social drinking and then it just got out of hand? Did you look back and see where, where, why or how that happened?
Speaker 3:Yes, absolutely so. I and I remember. So my sobriety date is the beginning of February, again, the previous August before that. I remember calling my brother because he moved to Texas. He got sober in his late teens and he had to just get out of here because everything was a trigger for him and I was just like I need help and he wasn't quite sure what to do with me and my husband bless his soul, he had no idea what to do with me. His family was always like just fine, we're fine, everything's fine. You know his dad. He grew up with an alcoholic father as well and you just shove it away, you shove it aside, you ignore it, you're just like stop it. I'm trying to, you know, get it figured out.
Speaker 3:But I wrote him a letter and I remember it was like four pages on one of those yellow legal pads of all the reasons I drank, and it was because it's sunny, because it's raining, because the deal closed, because I lost a deal, because the kids are great, because the kids are acting like bullshit. Yeah, you know, I mean, it was every single reason you could think of. And that was in August and so it was probably a few months before that and you know I was the bill peer. I could stop paying bills and it was just like every single time something came up that was an adversity or was problem, or you know that people of sound mind would just deal with and figure out a solution. I drink to numb it, to make it go away, and then that would cause another problem and I drink, and then that would help.
Speaker 3:So it was just vicious circle that I could not get out of. I just drink for every single reason. I would start waking up and drinking at four in the morning, you know. And then that's where it's just in. I understand us a little bit more as I understand our bodies and what happens and in just being from the descent I am, with alcoholism in my bloodline, is it just all of a sudden becomes the only way to do it and you don't know any better? I mean, I started going to different liquor stores throughout the day because you didn't want to go to the same one, the same bloodline, and all of that happened within one's time and it really it just it's a switch that flips in. Then I think, the more I lost control and the more I kept doing it to just not face what was happening, or what had happened or what could be happening, the more it just spiraled out of control.
Speaker 2:And then the more shame, the more guilt. Like you said, you're going to a different liquor store all of a sudden. Now you're not wanting to show up in the same places, and now you're embarrassed, right. And what does that cause? Shame, guilt and more drinking. Shame, guilt, more drinking, right To numb and map that, and it is absolutely a vicious cycle. Whether it's alcohol or whatever substance it may be, same situation happens. And then now your body takes over. Right now you have an addiction. It's no more, I'm just doing this for fun. It's no more masking. Now, on top of the masking, my body is now addicted. So that's a whole nother set of problems, right? So tell me how it keeps going for you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so I just you know it's it, it was just I did it and I figured it out, and you know I would hide it, I would hide it from my husband. He did, and one of the straws that broke the camel's back, where he said I can not do this anymore. When I finally like switched, switched around and we'll talk about that a little bit more was when I brought my kids to a movie, an animated movie, and at the time they were like five and seven or eight and they started serving liquor at the movie theater locally here and I literally got just hammered, shit-faced and drove them home. And I had not done that before. That I can remember. I'm sure maybe I had.
Speaker 3:But he happened to be in the driveway with a friend of his and man. When I saw a look on his face and he knew, because you know, this year, just in August, we celebrated 17 years, so we'd been married for 10 years and together. So you know, and he was just like once I transferred it from just all about me and brought our kids into the situation. That was where I knew I was literally and I can say this with just every cell in my body, just like I know, like I know, like I know, probably three to five days away from either hurting myself, hurting someone else, my husband leaving me with my kids, losing my house because I was paying the mortgage or I wasn't paying the mortgage. So I mean like everything was coming to that end where either everything was going away or I had to change.
Speaker 2:And that becomes man such a cycle and can go so fast. It just seems like it really can happen fast, can't it?
Speaker 3:Once my mind felt like it happened for me.
Speaker 2:Had you ever done that before? Had it ever kicked in like that for you? Not to that extent, but have you ever before in your life felt it getting worse and ramping up and caught yourself and been able to back off? You had been.
Speaker 3:Well, looking back, you know, it was almost like if anyone's listening and they can, that's can kind of shed some light in their situation. So, like blackout drunk, you know that would happen once a year, and then it was once a quarter, and then it was once a month, and then it was once a week, you know. So you get to see you can connect the dots looking backwards. And then it was really when I started waking up with such bad hangovers that I would, you know, just start drinking. That's a lot of where for me, instead of just working through it, you know it was just continuing that. So for me, I think that was a big, big part of it was just to be able to function and to be able to continue in using that versus, you know, taking a couple of days off.
Speaker 3:I did actually that New Year's Eve, before my February 4th sobriety date, I did quit for 13 days. So I just like something's got to change and I quit. And what I didn't understand, which I do now, is when you do that, it's still progressing inside your body and that's why people that have been sober for 25, 30 years go back out and think they can handle it and they're back right where they were the day they quit yeah, quit within two weeks to a month. And I didn't understand that. So then, when I started drinking again, 13 days later, from January 1st, the two-week fender I went on is why my sober date is at the beginning of February, because, holy hell, like the beast I was feeding it.
Speaker 3:I wanted more and it was. You know, it's just. It continues to progress. So it was very interesting, and I know everything has a purpose and happens for a reason, and wouldn't be where I'm at today and I know everything has a purpose and happens for a reason and wouldn't be where I'm at today and I wouldn't have gone through the journey, I wouldn't have found my first coach or when I'm taking up coaching, had I not hit that rock bottom that I needed to be, because I thought I knew it all, I thought I had it figured out, I figured I could handle it, but I was so numb to it and so not even understanding what was happening Because, like you said it beautifully, it takes over, yeah.
Speaker 2:It's like a monster. It just takes over every aspect of your being and you tell yourself I got this, I'm good, everything is fine. And it is fine when you take another drink, right, because it's fine, because you just numbed it and you don't. But for me, you don't realize you're out of control. And somebody telling you that you're out of control, that doesn't, that doesn't really do. It does it. You have to kind of figure it out. And you said you went on, it was a two week bender. Tell me about what happened during those two weeks, because that sounds like a big spiral for you back it was, I could tell like a little bit more that something is.
Speaker 3:I just not been drinking. Now I was in just the shaking and just the searching in the. Okay, I could already kind of feel the shame coming over me a little bit because I wouldn't go to the same liquor store or, oh, this is a good one Not having any money and, lowest point, going into my kid's piggy bank to get five dollars to be able to buy a little something, just to take the edge off. I mean, it was just things that like if I were to see another woman a couple years before that doing that, I'd be like, oh my gosh, you're not Ian, right? Yeah, it's like you had it and I.
Speaker 3:You read the stories, you see the movies. You're like that would never happen to me, that would never happen to me. And then all of a sudden it was just again the choices I was making, drinking 24 hours a day, seven days a week for those times, a lot driving, just showing up. I you could almost tell that people were starting to be able to tell. So it was just I was, you know, my roost was up, let's say. And it was the point where my husband looked at me and I knew and he grew up in an alcoholic sampling.
Speaker 2:So he's sitting there thinking what in the hell just happened to my wife? Right, because it was not where she was. How did we get here? And so that's a tough place to be in too for him. Isn't it A tough place for a husband to be in going, oh gosh, what, what do I do? And you know he can't fix it. There's no fixing it for someone else. Yeah, I'd imagine that was a pretty rough point for y'all's marriage, not anything like me.
Speaker 3:He actually quit just because he wanted to, 10 months after I did, because he's like, you know, it kind of is a problem but it isn't. But we just decided we wanted to break the cycle, the generational cycle for our kids. Yeah, but with him. He just didn't know what to do with me Again. When his dad was where he was at, you just pretended it wasn't funny or you hid it, and so I think he had a lot of shame around who I was and what was happening. So he didn't. You know again, bless us all, he didn't know what to do with me. Yeah, so he didn't do anything. Well again, and we would just fight about it. He would just look at me. He's like admit it, say it, say it, say you're an alcoholic, and I would just be like, and I couldn't even say it, and he, you know, so it was. Yeah, it was absolutely a huge strain on our marriage and financially and just you know it rips families apart all the time. It really does. And it was very close to, like I said, days away.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but oh no, but that is important for people to understand. You guys talked about breaking the cycle and here you are back in the cycle, right? And who's got no control again? So that's a terrible place to be for someone who has no control and they're back in the cycle not of their own choice, right? So the two weeks leading to where your sober date is, tell me.
Speaker 3:Tell me a little more about that and his birthday, and then I just remember just drinking all the time and with my kids and I couldn't even leave the house because of that. So it was just to the point where, literally when he came home and he saw me, he's like you got to do something. And so I called my mom and I was just literally on my hands and knees just like because I couldn't even stand up. I'm like I can't do this anymore and you have to get to the point of surrender and knowing that you can't do it anymore and asking for help, and so for me, I took her step in getting that.
Speaker 2:you're powerless and your life's become unman manageable, absolutely.
Speaker 3:Absolutely. And she my mom introduced me to someone that helped my brother, and so I met with her the next day and I just remember sitting there and you know her telling me her story and just looking around and I was just like, what am I doing out in public? Like I was at a coffee shop, and I was just so uncomfortable, sprawling in my skin, like, for example, when I did stop drinking. I lost 20 pounds in a month just because I wasn't drinking, because of mine was wine and all the calories and it was just like the bloat and everything you know. And I went to AA for 90 days and I meeting a day One, meeting a day At noon, and I even tried a couple other ones as well. But I found the meeting I liked and saved my life. You know, because I went to.
Speaker 3:They call it the first step room, so they take the newbies like me and put you in a room where people that have been through this come and talk to you and we just share, share stories with each other. And I remember walking into my first meeting and they have greeters and this guy he's just like, oh, do I know you? And just joking and I don't know, like the look on my face. He's like I'm so sorry, it's okay, and I just I wish I would have had it on video or camera picture of what I look like, because I went and I just sat there. I had just I mean, I was shaking, I didn't know, and this woman, her show, her name was Jo. She came up, she sat next to me. She's like hi, I'm Jo. You know, you could just read it all over my face that I was absolutely that I'll go for my assistant, though, and I had no idea how to do this I was freaking out, I was, was absolutely, I was so just like I parked her across the parking lot so no one knew like if they knew my car that I was, that's where I was.
Speaker 3:I mean, that's how much shame and guilt. And like what the hell? Where am I? What happened?
Speaker 2:Wow, yeah, yeah. And you noticed all those other people in the room, right? How many people are there? And you start looking around and you're like, wait a minute, this was an issue, wasn't it? Right? It's not just me. And now you're not alone anymore, right? Now you see that you're not alone and you see that, yeah, you've tied shame and guilt to it, but hey, I'm really not alone here. And you get in that, you start seeing that and that really is helpful. Once you realize there is hope and you're not alone. That's super progressive, right, yeah.
Speaker 3:Oh, it saved my life, honestly, getting into that first step room, because I felt I isolated myself so much. I felt crazy. I felt like I didn't know what was up or down or sideways. I just had really thrown myself in the ruins of it. And also I'm sitting in this room and I'm looking around and I'm like, okay, I'm not that crazy. You know, like I found my people and just being able to have conversations and saying things in that room, in those walls, that I would never say out loud or other people or anyone that knows me and has known me forever, but being able to just surrender it in that room with people that were at that time my people, it changed everything for me. It made me feel normal, human, like I'm not a horrible mother wife person. You know all the stuff that I had just like pounded into myself to believe, which is again why I drink more, you know, to make all of it go away.
Speaker 2:It's just, struggle is so real, struggle is so real and feeling like you're all alone really starts a spiral. That really when you feel hopeless and you feel all alone, so getting yourself connected. I always say and you've probably heard this the opposite of addiction is connection and you've got to get yourself connected. And once you start doing that and stop that isolating and get yourself connected, it's eye-opening how many people suffer in silence because of the stigma or the addiction stigma, mental health stigma, all of those things people will suffer in silence rather than help themselves out of fear, shame and guilt. And, man, do I want to break that? I really want to break that stigma.
Speaker 3:Yes, me too, because it took me like I said, we talked before four years to share this with anyone outside of like three to five people that I add to, you know, because there's some people in your life you just need to, or they notice or something's going on. But literally I had so much shame and guilt, and even I mean the 90 days I went there, I had a real estate sticker on the back of my van, so you knew it and so I would still part. I didn't want people to see me walking in there, even as I'm, you know, 90 days sober and I'll be eight years, this could be February, four years. I still live in that shame and guilt.
Speaker 3:And what did I do? In hiding it from everyone? And then, you know, in sharing it for the first time and three women reach out to me. That needed it just was this light bulb. And you know my husband, he's still a very private person and he's just kind of let it go. Because I continue to share and I continue, you know, I know that this has a purpose and if I can share with people and even just help one person, whether they reach out to me or just hear this, and it helps them reach out to someone that I mean. I don't know about you, but I could not ever have imagined going through what I went through during COVID, when you are forced to self-isolate. I lost a lot of people too that you know, because it's mentally and physically and just you're given permission to hide, just wreak havoc on so many people's mental health and it's I can help one person. It's all worth it and more, a hundred percent.
Speaker 2:That's exactly why I do this to offer hope and encouragement for anyone who may be struggling, right, because there is a lot of people out there struggling every day, every walk of life, every industry, every business. And I think when you are out in the community and you're in a business and you're in the profile, you're on LinkedIn, you're all those things you really don't want people to know, right, they're not going to you know, they're not going to work with me, they're not going to trust me. And you have found it has had the opposite effect. It's brought people to you because they also have had that shame and guilt and been struggling. So you really see how many people out there are struggling, and COVID is a perfect example of showing the world we are not meant to isolate. We are not meant to do this alone.
Speaker 2:It really hurt a lot of people, didn't it? Thank goodness for the online world and you could still have some face-to-face, and a lot of people started, you know, on doing online and doing social media that had never done that before, just to get that connection. So if you don't believe it, that's the proof. We're not meant to do this alone. We're not meant to isolate, and I'm so glad that you were able to come to that realization that it's not shameful, there's not guilt, there's actual strength and resiliency in getting through what you got through and making better choices and learning how to manage.
Speaker 2:That's where the strength is and the resiliency right is, of being able to pick yourself up and we all fall. Sometimes some of us fall a little harder. Yeah, we got all times right. Yeah, and being able to pick yourself up and show the world that, yeah, I might've went down, fell down three, four, five, six, but I got up seven, eight, nine, 10. And that's what's important. That's what's important. So I definitely appreciate that. And then you got yourself into AA. Where did it go from there for you?
Speaker 3:So it was. My journey is interesting. So I went the 90 days and in that time I watched the movie the Secret for the first time because someone had mentioned it, and I was like whatever? And I found I bought everyone's book on it. I was like this is cool.
Speaker 3:You know, I want to understand this a little bit more because I, growing up, was forced into religion, was forced to go. I didn't have many good idols are. People around me emulated what it meant and so I just didn't understand religion. It just was very confusing to me, because you say one thing, you act another in any way. So I found Bob Proctor from the Secret and I just again, like when I left my 13 year career, like a fire started inside me. I'm like I know I have to do this thing called real estate, and that's what happened with him. I was like I know I have to work with him, like I know I have to do this thing called real estate, and that's what happened with him. I was like I know I have to work with him, like I know, like I know, like I know every cell of my body, and it was $9,000, $10,000 to work with him for a year and again I threw, this is within the first three months.
Speaker 3:I had thrown my family in financial ruin. I was a bill payer, bill peer. I wasn't paying the bill, I had no means to do this. And he just looked at me and he said, angie, he's like you haven't made the decision. Once you make the decision, the weight will be shown. And I was like I'm going to make the decision and within 24 hours I figured out how to do it.
Speaker 3:I hired him for a year-long coaching program and, literally at age 40, a full new universe was open to me A way of thinking, a way of understanding perspective shifts, the higher faculty versus five senses, gratitude, responding versus reacting, victim, leader. I mean, all this stuff was like and it was just the trajectory of my life and the goals I set in how, time after time after time, just by thinking differently and understanding this and finding my higher power whether it be God, universe or spirit, whatever it is like and connecting to it. It was all like synchronicity, like all happened at once and I just knew I was able to do what I did and I was able to understand this and change my life the way I had. I just wanted to spend the rest of my life sharing that with anyone and anyone and everyone that would listen and wanted to be more aware or understand.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love that so much. You broke all your limiting beliefs. You broke them and you got through that shame guilt cycle, got to the top of the funnel God, universe, creator, whatever you want to call it. A lot of people feel that way Nothing to follow, nothing to believe in and no great role models. That happens as children, and some of us are lucky enough to have some, some of us are not, and you have to make your own and find your own. And that's where it is about choices. There comes a time when you can no longer be a product of your environment and you have to be a product of your choices, right, and everybody has to find that own time for themselves when that is. And you have to start making different choices, and you did. Look what happened because of that. How did it start going better with your husband when you started doing this? How did your marriage start?
Speaker 3:going Like I had done so much damage, and I will also go back and say this about my lowest points in those two weeks and just those months. I like this is like the man, woman, energy and thing. If I had been my husband and did what I did to him as a man, like that would have been 100% unacceptable. As a man, like that would have been 100% unacceptable. Like the things I said to him and how I lashed out, like I very, very well knew what I was doing. Most of the time Sometimes I don't even remember, but you just don't treat someone that you love and care about like that. So I had done tons of damage. So there was a lot to unpack there. You know he was just like. So when does the step come up where you make amends Like I'm waiting for it? I'm waiting for that one because man and I was like no, I get it. You know I was horrific and so there's a lot of mending that had to do, but really it was just he just didn't want me drinking anymore and everything else would kind of contract and go back to the way it was In a way it did, and so it was really just me showing up. It was me doing what I said I was going to do. I mean, probably a year or two after I stopped drinking, like when I went out, he would still side-eye me, like I came back and be like sure, and barely yeah, yeah, because that's how much damage I had done.
Speaker 3:So it was just a lot of trusting the process, you know, showing and setting these goals and working through the program with Bob Proctor that I worked through and just really getting to know myself more. You know, it's a lot of entrainment which I learned energetically. You know you just hold your standard, you hold where you're at, and they'll entrain to your energy or go away. So it was just I had to. Now what they say put your money where your mouth is. I had to prove it, I had to live it and I just need every conscious effort to live it every day, show up.
Speaker 3:Gratitude was one of the first things that I learned and I practiced, which I had heard before but didn't understand. Like I came to understand gratitude and if you truly can't and are not grateful for where you're at, it's really hard to allow the universe to bring you anything else. And I was such a victim for so many years. How could they, how could she? You know all the different situations that I was in. Everything was happening to me, not for me, and it was just like these blinders. Just and all of a sudden, I had a completely different perspective, a completely different awareness. I mean nothing changes if nothing changed, and that's what I think changed for me Absolutely.
Speaker 2:That is. Nothing changes if nothing changes Absolutely. What's the definition of insanity? Keeping doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results? Right, and it sounds like you got to know yourself and love yourself on a different level. That's one of my huge things is fly first, love yourself to understand what's controlling you and what's directing you and what's like every. You said everything was happening to me. Well, wasn't it? Or? Or all the choices you were making, right? And it's hard when you finally realize that and you get that little slap in the face that I'm the common denominator here, I'm the one that keeps doing this over and over and over. But then when you finally get to that point and then you go OK, I can make different choices. Working with Bob Proctor for a year, that had to be phenomenal.
Speaker 3:It was life changing. Yeah, I mean so much so that I, when I got certified with IPE because I still had imposter syndrome, so I had to be certified so that I could be worthy and then, you know, it still all scratched the surface. So I actually went back at the end of 2021, beginning of 2022, and I paid to become a consultant with Proctor Gallagher Institute to be certified in their Thinking Into Results program, because I mean, it's about the paradigms and habitual behaviors and the beliefs and I didn't understand the subconscious and conscious mind in that. So many of us make decisions and show up because of our beliefs, our paradigms, which were placed into us by the time we were probably five or seven years old. Because you don't really you accept everything into your subconscious because you're younger.
Speaker 3:What I learned is that the people that raised us in the time we were, you know, a kid everyone was doing the best they could and with the tools and the resources and the awareness they had at that time. You don't have to live by that anymore. I'm going to make decisions, as you know what was placed in me because of my environment and it was just giving myself a lot of permission and understanding. That great, wow, I could do this. There is a different choice. And removing all those paradigms that no longer served me and replacing with what would, and just yeah, it changed everything for me.
Speaker 2:You took out all that victim mentality. You just pulled it all out from the bottom. And that's how it feels to me, like when I'm I do a lot of meditating, a lot of journal writing, all of those things, right, and that's what it feels like you take. It feels like it's like coming you see the pictures like's flying out of your mouth, like you're taking out that victim and that, that blaming and that shaming and that guilting, because we all, when we know better, we do better. In the past they were doing what they knew right. They were doing what they knew from generations past and generations past. And that's what we're talking about breaking the generational cycle cycle. Once that turned and I started learning how to be grateful and just that every day you wake up is actually a blessing. There's a lot of people not waking up today and it's actually a blessing and you just start thinking differently, like everything starts. There's like a new meaning to the whole world. It's so hard to explain, isn't it?
Speaker 3:It is and it's beautiful and I mean it's just it's. I always say it's just like lightness and it's just, all of a sudden you tell people like the weights off your back and it truly, like my purpose and passion found me on my knees at that rock bottom, lowest point that I have ever gotten in my life. I've ever gotten in my life, and I knew that, and not everyone, this isn't everyone's case or story, but for me, it's the one thing that I needed to get there in order to hear and in order to receive, because I thought I had it all figured out. You know, I don't need this, I don't need that and you just trick yourself into thinking this and I had to get knocked off my horse hard and fall hard.
Speaker 2:You want to say some people have to fall harder because we're just more stubborn.
Speaker 3:I've always had to learn the hard way, and sounds like you had to learn the hard way, yeah yeah, I had to get there in order to, yeah, and just let things in and just understand and accept you. You know that this is what it is and it is part of me and it's just. It's again journaling, meditating. It's all been a journey and it's there's no finish line. You know, as you know, it's now a lifestyle, it's a choice we make every day and yeah, work in progress every single day to be better and be better and be better.
Speaker 2:You versus you, you know, just trying to be better than you were yesterday, and that's a beautiful, beautiful thing. So how are you and your?
Speaker 3:family today. How is everything today? You know my kids are healthy and my husband and I are still married. Like I said, we just celebrated 17 years. Yeah, you know, it's just, it's a lot of.
Speaker 3:You know, just like any family, every, no family is perfect and I think that you know everyone has their battles. That's one thing Bob taught me and you just touched on it If you can just get 1% better every day, you'll need a telescope to, and we're just bonding together as a family and really just knowing that where we are today may not be where we are tomorrow if we continue to, you know, just grow and want more. And I just learned you know we're for expansion. So I think, just through it all and through my coaching and now that I coach, it's really just about finding your passion, your purpose.
Speaker 3:I know we talk to our kids about if you can do that and if you can find what you love to do and it doesn't feel like work and figure out a way to make money doing it or living, or being able to pay it forward and out into the world. I mean I think that's the ultimate gift. And so you know we definitely have, you know, real estate's real estate. I mean I think that's the ultimate gift and so you know we definitely have, you know, real estate's real estate. I mean, if you're a realtor or salesperson, there's still ups and downs with the business and you know I've made some business decisions that, will you know, intend to be a little bit more secure and a wealth building opportunity. So, yeah, every day just growing, doing better than you did yesterday and creating more awareness.
Speaker 2:Yeah, are you and I love all of that, that's all very beautiful Was your husband? Did he kind of come on board with you through all that, as far as learning to live differently and learning to think differently and learning to have that gratitude, because he he also grew up in an alcoholic environment. He had a lot of those same things, those beliefs that he grew up with. So did he kind of come on board with you and start learning the ways you were learning?
Speaker 3:Absolutely. And that is so interesting because in that first year of working with Bob like that's one of the things I talked to one of the coaches about I was like I don't know how to do this, because I am changing so fast, so drastically. My awareness is so open. Like what do I do with my marriage? Like what do I do with my custom? That's why I'm not human. I was freaked out because I was like I'm not at all the same. I am so different. And what do you do?
Speaker 3:And just like you continue to show up and against the treatment, you will continue to show up in your light, in your truth, and they will, they'll entreat your energy or they will, they'll be interested. You show that you're doing the work and that's what we touched on before earlier and continue to be true to yourself, to be, you know, the best version of yourself, to get better every day. And they'll see that and they'll follow suit. And you know I didn't force him to do anything. He quit drinking on his own, 10 months after I did and he just hasn't taken it back up. He's like maybe I will, maybe I won't.
Speaker 3:Now it's time, a numbers game, but in that he can see his relationships, or he can see a lot of the people he's hung out with, and just it gives you that clarity, because once you can step away from the alcohol, you can see things differently and you can see people for who they are and in a different way as well. And so once you're to a certain point, why would you ever want to go back? You know so in the drinking wise ways, he absolutely came on board and just even how he'll say something sometimes or you know he'll talk about a situation I'll just giggle to myself because it's absolutely impacting you, because I just continue to be me and it's just like anything you know in an environment, you are the sum of the five people you hang around with, and what you're allowing into your conscious mind, to impress upon your subconscious mind, it will take hold. So it's just that, but in reverse and in a positive way. Yeah, 100%.
Speaker 2:And I do think that when you're in active addiction especially, you don't see that light at the end of the tunnel Like you know. You hear it, people tell you it's there, but you don't see it, you cannot visualize it yet. And I think that if more people understood it's one step in front of the other, it's just one step to the next step, to the next step, to the next, and it just comes and it flows and it changes and the whole trajectory of your life changes and you stop. You stop making the decisions you are making and you ultimately stop hanging around a lot of the people that you are hanging around because you realize when you're not substance abusing, you don't even like those people. You're not substance abusing, you don't even like those people. You're all kind of in it doing it together. And then you're like I don't even really. You know when I'm sober or not high or whatever it is, you're like. I mean, they don't even really like you.
Speaker 2:It just is a natural progression and it truly is that that old cliche of one day at a time is just true. It is just absolutely true. One day at a time becomes the next day and the next day and the next day. You don't have to worry about 10 years from now. You just have to worry about the next day and the next day and the next day getting through it. Not saying you don't have to plan for your future, that's not what I mean. I'm just saying you can only control where you're at today, right, yeah? So just all the what if-ing yourself and the shame and the guilt does nothing. It does nothing for you, but keep you stuck yes, absolutely yeah.
Speaker 3:And the friends that you just touched on, I actually just heard a guy in a meeting the other day say he's about a year sober and he had his 15 buddies. They'd be at the bar all the time and he's just like three of them have called me. The rest were never my friend. Yeah, it's just like three of them have called me. The rest were never my friend. It's just. You know, we band together when we're drinking and that was like you said. A lot of it is just part of the industry, a part of what we're doing are so acceptable and everyone's doing it and it's just such an interesting journey all around, holistically, just the whole picture of how much you learn, like you said, about yourself, and the more I learned about myself, the more I really understood others and it's just quite, quite eye-opening. It's a gift 100%.
Speaker 2:And recovery is not just about quitting the substance twice. It is about the trajectory of your life, the growth, the mindset, the new routines you learn is about the trajectory of your life, the growth, the mindset, the new routines you learn, learning to be the best version of yourself. And the transformation journey is recovery, and that is a work in progress never ending. We always want to keep being better, better than we were today. Tomorrow's a different day and that's the beauty in it. It's a beautiful process to really love yourself and get to know yourself that way, and that's why I was so excited about you coming on today, because I could look at your journey. I could kind of see it from progression of it and kind of see it and what you're doing now. And it's beautiful. It's just really, really beautiful.
Speaker 2:And nobody can see you right now, but you're just glowing, you're absolutely glowing. Your skin and all of those things, and I know that had to have changed so much for you right the, because he said you lose 20 pounds like that. You're no longer puppy, you're no longer bloated, you don't no longer have the redness in your face, all the and you, you are absolutely radiant. So if, if, if, that's not a testimony. I don't know what is, because that's what we want. And you you just touched a little bit on. So you're still going to meetings, is that right?
Speaker 3:It's so interesting Again, the universe and God and the synchronicity of timing. So went those three, those first 90 days and I'm on Bob and everything, and then the place I was going, it just felt a little bit dark, a little bit heavy. So I stopped going and I just fully, 100% threw myself into Bob and his coaching and so, like three and a half hours a night when I would have been drinking, I was just doing my lessons and he's all about repetition. So I was just soaking it all in and changing so quickly that I stopped going to meetings and I went back to my first meeting a week ago from last night. So last time it was my second meeting in seven years and it I was just called back like we talked. So then you came into my world in this opportunity and then I was at a baseball um game and a dad who's been over five years like started talking to me and then he's like you should try this meeting.
Speaker 2:And then another something happened and I was just like okay, okay, yeah, I don't look back, and so it's necessary to see that and hear that and listen to it, and listen to that thing telling you to go. That's the thing you have to listen. Listen to what's in front of you, listen to the universe, the world, god what he's telling you. Just listen and you can just follow that journey. It'll take you on the right path.
Speaker 3:So I never work the steps. So I'm committed to going through the entire 12-step program. I know that there's still a lot to unpack. I think that personally, just from what I've thought about the last couple of weeks and what I keep hearing and what keeps getting put in my path, it's very necessary and it's not that I never wanted to do it, it's just I got.
Speaker 3:You know, we get the excuses or the justifications and I can see and I can feel because I got emotionally even thinking about it or talking about it that there's a lot there in those steps and they're there for a reason that I need to, that will expand because we're spiritual beings having human experience. I mean the human part of us. We can't. You know, our head cannot go around 360 degrees. So there's absolutely the human aspect of us, but the spiritual aspect of us is meant for expansion and I just feel that this is exactly where you should be. This is exactly part of my journey and I'm just really excited to see what plus open or breakthroughs are going to come in. Going through and actually looking at myself through a lens that I haven't yet done. I love that.
Speaker 2:I love that. It is beautiful and you're listening to it and you're following. The universe is telling you you need to do that right now and you're listening. So that's beautiful in itself. I love that. And so I have the steps up on my wall. They're just right here in front of me all the time, and so you can tell your husband.
Speaker 2:You know you'll be making amends step nine but it sounds like you guys have done a lot of work and you've obviously done a substantial amount of work on yourself, and you can look back now and say it was much needed, but back when you're in the beginning of it, you're fine, I'm good, I'm in control, I've got this, and not realizing how much work we have to do, I am so happy for you and just proud of you and for doing this and sharing in this capacity, because, again, that guilt shame cycle has to get broken. That just keeps you stuck has to get broken. That just keeps you stuck. And so you know, sharing out loud and letting people benefit from our stories is super healing and super hopeful. Again, if someone hears that one little thing that sticks. And that's what we want, that's definitely what we want. So if there's anybody out there who may be struggling.
Speaker 2:I hope you listen to Angie's story today and realize you can go from rock bottom to rock solid. You absolutely can. It absolutely is possible, and if you need help, you need resources. I'm definitely listening. You can contact me at any time and I will do what I can to point you in the right direction, and I'm sure Angie would as well. So 100% yeah, and that's what I love about everyone that comes on and shares their story with me. It's one more person in this world, in this universe, that is there to help. You know that might run into someone at the grocery store or run into someone at a meeting. That that's, oh, my gosh. That that's what I listened to today and that's what helped me. So thank you so so much for doing this and putting yourself out there and your story and your vulnerability and just letting us know how it's worked for you and where you're at today, and I appreciate it so much.
Speaker 3:Yeah Well, grateful to be here and that you're providing this platform. So thank you for creating this space for people to go. I know I would do a lot of scrolling and hiding and looking and, you know, had I come across the resource like this back then, you know it could have gone differently Again, I know my purpose in my journey was all for a reason, and yet that's thank you. Thank you for having this out here for people, because I know that there's someone by late night listening to this and it can make the difference. And you might not ever know it, but you've touched many lives.
Speaker 2:Well, thank you so much for saying that. I appreciate that. Definitely a heart and soul project, and that's why, just to offer that hope and encouragement If I would have had that same thing who knows if I would have listened at the moment, at the time, but it would have been in my head, it would have been in there to go. Okay, you know, there is hope, there definitely is hope. So thank you again, angie, for being here today.
Speaker 1:I am so grateful that you joined me for this week's episode of Breakfast of Choices. If you're enjoying this podcast, please subscribe, give it five stars and share it to help others find hope and encouragement. The opposite of addiction is connection, and we are all in this together. Telling your transformational story can also be an incredible form of healing, so if you would like to share it, I would love to hear it. You can also follow me on social media. I'm your host, Jo Summers, and I can't wait to bring you another story next week. Stay with me for more Transformational Thursdays.
