Breakfast of Choices
Everyone has stories of transformation. And some of them include moments, or years of intense adversity, a time when it felt like there was no hope. This podcast, "Breakfast of Choices," holds space for people to share their true, raw and unedited stories of overcoming extreme struggles, like addiction, mental illness, incarceration, domestic violence, suicide, emotional and physical abuse, toxic family structures, relationships, and more. Trauma comes in so many forms.
Every week, as a certified Peer Recovery Support Specialist, Recovery Coach, Life Transformation coach and your host, I will jump right into the lives of people who have faced these types of adversity and CHOSE to make choices to better themselves. We'll talk about everything they went through on their journey from Rock Bottom to Rock Solid.
Through hearing each guest's story of resilience, my hope is that we'll all be inspired to wake up every single day and make our own "Breakfast of Choices". More importantly, that we'll understand we have the POWER to do it.
When someone shares their story, it can be unbelievably healing. And it can be just what someone else needs to hear at that exact moment to simply keep moving forward. So I hope you can find "that one little thing that sticks," along with hope and encouragement to just keep taking it one day at a time.
And now let me be the first to welcome you to the "Breakfast of Choices" community, a non-judgemental zone where we learn from, lean on and celebrate one another. Because the opposite of addiction is "connection", and we are all in this together.
If you would like to tell your story, I sure would love to listen. Please email me at Breakfastofchoices@gmail.com.
Respects,
Jo Summers.
Breakfast of Choices
Escaping Narcissistic Abuse and Healing Past Trauma with Diane McNaught
Welcome to another episode of Breakfast of Choices. Today, I'm honored to be joined by my guest, Diane McNaught. Diane and I connected on Facebook, and I'm excited to have her here to share her journey with us. As we dive into her story, she opens up about her childhood experiences, including growing up with a father who struggled with alcoholism. Diane also shares the emotional detachment she felt from her mother, which left her feeling alone. Despite these challenges, Diane proactively sought help through Al-Anon meetings in her 20s, demonstrating her resilience and desire to understand her family dynamics at a young age.
Diane's journey continued as she moved to Southern California, where she pursued her nursing career. It was during this time that she found herself in a tumultuous relationship with a narcissistic partner. Diane bravely recounts the emotional, verbal, and even physical abuse she endured, and the courage it took to finally leave that situation for the sake of her young son.
Diane's healing journey has been a winding path, as she's explored various therapies and modalities. She's also had to navigate the added challenge of a cancer diagnosis in 2020, which further tested her resilience. Through it all, Diane has found solace in support groups and the guidance of a cancer coach, who has helped her manage the stress and anxiety that often accompany such a diagnosis.
Throughout our conversation, Diane and I discuss the importance of self-compassion, progress over perfection, and the power of connection in the healing process. I'm grateful to Diane for sharing her journey with us today, and I'm excited to see what the future holds for her as she continues to pursue her passions and find new ways to support and empower others. Stay tuned for more inspiring stories on Breakfast of Choices.
Check out Diane's Children's Books:
Stella's Stunts (Penny The Pittie): McNaught, Diane: 9798325271212: Amazon.com: Books
From Rock Bottom to Rock Solid.
We all have them...every single day, we wake up, we have the chance to make new choices.
We have the power to make our own daily, "Breakfast of Choices"
Resources and ways to connect:
Facebook: Jo Summers
Instagram: @Summersjol
Facebook Support: Chance For Change Women’s circle
Website: Breakfastofchoices.com
Urbanedencmty.com (Oklahoma Addiction and Recovery Resources) Treatment, Sober Living, Meetings. Shout out to the founder, of this phenomenal website... Kristy Da Rosa!
National suicide prevention and crisis, hotline number 988
National domestic violence hotline:
800–799–7233
National hotline for substance abuse, and addiction:
844–289–0879
National mental health hotline:
866–903–3787
National child health and child abuse hotline:
800–422-4453 (1.800.4.A.CHILD)
CoDa.org
12. Step recovery program for codependency.
National Gambling Hotline 800-522-4700
Welcome to Breakfast of Choices, the weekly podcast that shares life stories of transformation. Each episode holds space for people to tell their true, raw and unedited story of overcoming intense adversity. From addiction and incarceration, mental illness, physical and emotional abuse, domestic violence, toxic families, codependency and more. Trauma comes in so many forms. I'm your host, jo Summers, and also someone who hit my lowest point before realizing that I could wake up every day and make a better choice, even if it was a small one. So let's dive into this week's story together to learn from and find hope through someone's journey from rock bottom to rock solid, because I really do believe you have a new chance every day to wake up and make a change, to create your own. Breakfast of Choices. Welcome to Breakfast of.
Speaker 2:Choices, life stories of transformation from rock bottom to rock solid. I'm your host, jo Summers, and I'm here today with my guest, diane McNaught. I met Diane on Facebook. It is a great place to share stories with each other and to find groups that we can be parts of, and it's very healing to sometimes to be in some of those groups and be able to share similarities, just all about. As you guys know, it's all about not feeling alone in our journeys, and Diane has a great story and is going to be able to share a lot of wisdom, wisdom and knowledge that she's gained through her life, and just be able to share with us a little bit about her journey and the transformation from rock bottom to rock solid for her. So, hi, diane, how are you? I'm great, thank you for having me, thank you for coming. I appreciate it so much. And you are living. Tell us where you're living now.
Speaker 3:I am currently in the Pacific Northwest, in Washington DC.
Speaker 2:I love that so much and you did share with me earlier. It's a little gloomy and all those things.
Speaker 3:We can have nice bright, sunny days, but it's colder, you know. Yeah, so it's just about two hours an hour to Seattle, right by the Canadian border.
Speaker 2:Okay, I love that. I know there's some really pretty parts over there too. It's really pretty. Yeah, it does have its human glow. I understand this. It's getting to be fall, which is going to be winter here soon, which I am not looking forward to, but here we go. So just share with us a little bit about you know, just a little about your transformation journey and how you got where you were to where you are and all the good things.
Speaker 3:Well it's a long drawn out story, but I will try to address it as much as possible, and we love your tagline from rock bottom to rock solid. Yeah, thank you. Yep, promise Lens solid. Yeah, thank you, I promise Lens is solid. Right, neff, that's okay. That's okay. Process, you know we're always working on it, but I'm definitely in a better place mentally Good, that's great.
Speaker 2:That's great to hear.
Speaker 3:Ten years ago. Yeah, definitely compared to two years, but it's definitely a process. So, yeah, yeah, definitely compared to two years, but it's definitely a process. So yeah, it's so long.
Speaker 3:I was born in Canada, raised in Canada, in Vancouver, victoria, british Columbia area, with a father who was an alcoholic and his father was also an alcoholic. So you know, so far I don't think I'm an alcoholic. I've cut that generational pattern, I guess. So, as far as childhood experiences in regard to that, my grandfather, his father, who was more like we were saying he was a binge drinker but he unfortunately passed when I was quite young. So I don't have a whole lot of memories, experiences to develop on with him, but I do recall he was very stern, but he was also a businessman, he was very successful, he had his own construction company and he only had an eight grade education. So he was very successful financially and career-wise. And then my dad, his son, was an only child, so kind of a spoiled boy. Maybe that's part of part of the problem. So my father was more of a continual drinker. So you know, every day after work kind of set in until you go to bed, sort of thing. There was a lot of playing games.
Speaker 3:A lot of empty promises, a lot of yeah and I do recall times my parents split when I was about 12 or 13 and there's just my sister and I as far as siblings. I do recall there were some times when we were probably visiting him for the weekend or something like that, but he was probably intoxicated while driving us around or picking us up from. So we took a ferry between Vancouver Island and Vancouver, the mainland, so, yeah, so he would pick us up from the ferry and there were probably times where he was, he was drunk, you know, but as far as you know there was no physical abuse, there was probably just the emotional, mental sort of he really wasn't there for us. You know, once my parents split, he kind of just oh, he, he did his own thing, you know, right, yeah, and then my mom is a very passive quiet, you know, from that generation. Don't talk about it, don't show you it. Well, shove your feelings down and you'll be just fine.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, my group, my experience, and with regard to all of these dynamics, was more so from my mother being emotionally detached from us, my sister and I. I just felt very like alone, I guess, and I would. I was be shy as a child. I had, you know, like the, I was the one that had one or two really good friends. My sister was the more outgoing one that had lots of friends. So maybe that was just our it being terrible, but I do recall seeking out, probably in my early 20s, going to Al-Anon meetings, so I didn't do a lot of it, but I think obviously there was something there that I was looking for, yeah, or that I understand.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, that's really great to hear that you were actually seeking it out yourself. Mm. Hmm, because you know that's you were, you were, you had something going on that that made you figure it out Right, and you weren't. You weren't a drinker yourself, you weren't drinking, you said no no, you know college drinking.
Speaker 3:I was always a social drinker, but I don't believe that I was ever an alcoholic, you know? Yeah, Now did your mom drink at all. No, not at all. She was like a glass of wine kind of person and still is to this day, you know so.
Speaker 2:So how long would you say? Do you think you went to Al-Anon? Did you do that? You said you just went.
Speaker 3:sometimes I'm terrible at therapy, I seek it out, and then I do it for a little bit and then I stop and I don't know why, honestly, and then you know, I'll be like, oh, I'm fine, or for whatever reason. I think some group therapies or some talk therapies, I just feel like everyone's complaining, I just feel like it's a room and everyone it's. It's a room and everyone. It just felt down to me. You know, I think it's finding the right modality of absolutely of like what works for you. And now, you know, with all internet and everything we're, we're, we're so much more easily exposed to different things like tapping and meditation and EMDR and breathwork and all that EMDR, and so I've been kind of dabbling in you name it. I've tried it kind of thing over the years. And the one thing I will say and I don't know how some people are going to feel about this, but I'm going to say it because it happened and it's true I was doing, I did EMDR a little bit with a therapist.
Speaker 3:I'm probably, I'm guessing, late 20s, early 30s, something like that and you know, during the session I started crying. You know, of course, that's something that happened because it brings things up, and I realized during that session that I was mad at my mom For all those years. You know, you think I'm mad at my dad. I'm mad at my dad, he did at my dad. He did it. It's his fault, he's the cause of everything, right.
Speaker 3:And then this poor victim, mother, poor her, poor her, like that's what I've felt like for years and years and years. And then during the session, I was like I started crying and I was like, why am I pissed off at my mom? I was so mad at her and I saw I was really shocked by it. But I think that I was upset with her for being and I don't don't judge me, but for being God I'm going to say this without people hating me Kind of weak. You know, I don't mean it like in a mean way. She did her best and I understand that now, but I just felt like she left us, she left me, us, she left me, and that's what I was pissed off about.
Speaker 2:I'm like you know you as a wife went through crap. Sorry, I don't know how you're. You're no, you're good. You can say whatever.
Speaker 3:Whatever you're good you know I, you know I have no idea what you went through. You know you've got two kids. I understand she had a few jobs, you know, trying to raise us financially. It was. It was terrible for her, I understand, but as a kid you don't get all that. I want someone to be there for me. Yeah, and I think that anger was being held in and it came out, as you know, when I'm in my short 40s, 20s or whatever.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, and she might have. Just, you know she was probably doing the best she could with what she had. Right, she had stuck it all down. And you know we don't understand that as kids or teenagers, or sometimes even as adults.
Speaker 3:Right, I'm still trying to understand it, you know, even to this day, like, why is she's? You know, because I look at her siblings and like he's like that and she's like this, and why are they so? You know, she came from a family of five siblings. She's so quiet, you'd think she'd be, you know, more loud, but yeah, sony is. I I'm always trying to figure it out, but but yeah, it's interesting that anger that I felt towards her for kind of like you know, and I imagine now being having gone through what I've gone through recently, she was in survival mode, just like I've been in survival mode, and so she probably just detached and said here's what I got to do. I got to keep a roof over these kids head and you know, yeah, shut down the emotional side and it shut down for decades, and that's that's what I kind of got upset about is, like you know, eventually you've got to take care of yourself and start talking and be there for your kids, take care of yourself and start talking and be there for your kids.
Speaker 2:So well, you know, you kind of said, you said a few minutes ago you would go to therapy too, and then you just wouldn't go anymore. So same kind of thing, right, we shut it down, we push it down, we're like, yeah, sometimes it gets hard, and we're like, no good, I'm good, I'm done. I think we all do a little bit of that. It's so funny, not funny, ha ha. Yeah, interesting that right now you're talking about that anger.
Speaker 2:I was just talking to a friend today about having some anger around my mom, that I just have really recently processed that myself, that I am a little bit angry of maybe not respecting her as much as I should for how she was treated her whole life Like, almost like a. This is going to sound so terrible, I know right, you're like, oh, like she just couldn't have a life of her own. Everything was revolved around what my dad wanted, his decisions, what he wanted, what he needed, what, all of those things, and just feeling that why weren't you stronger? But that's not my place to feel that Like. I get that logically, but I've just kind of realized that in the last month or so myself. So it's really interesting that you brought that up today, because I literally was just talking about it three hours ago. So I think maybe that that's something that you know struggling with that, struggling with your parents and having that anger. I don't think we're alone in that, by any means.
Speaker 3:No, and I think too, like you know, I'm 53. So I, you know, been through the decades and the childhood in the 20s and 30s, and it's so there's so many layers to it and I'm still discovering those layers, you know. So you can't just say, well, you know, like, like, like you said, from rock bottom to rock solid, I don't think rock solid yet. I would love to say I am, but I mean, maybe in some areas of my life I am, but yeah, it's still a process and I'm still going through dynamics with my mother, even recently, you know.
Speaker 2:So it's definitely a lifelong learning, onion, peeling back, sort of yeah and trying to put ourselves in their shoes and their situation and what they went through and them doing the best they could with what they had and what they knew, is exactly what we're trying to do today. Right, you're trying to do the best we can with what we have and what we know, and and so I I get a little mad at myself for having that anger. Yeah, oh, you're so much, it's more like a little bit of there's kind of.
Speaker 3:For me it's a little resentment, like why I have made at that moment or this mom or terrible, I love my.
Speaker 2:But yeah, you kind of like it is a little bit meant I feel like maybe I don't respect her as much as I should and that kind of bothered me a little bit. You know what I mean? I am not resentful of her, she was a good mom Just that maybe I was always mad, especially as a teenager. I never understood it. Like why can't you just make a damn decision Like it's a yes or it's a no? Why do I have to ask my dad, why do I have to wait till my dad gets home? Like you can't say I can go to a friend's house, like what in the hell? I mean what? And it used to make me mad and I don't.
Speaker 2:Still, I just came out of the womb that way. I swear to you that that control just bugs the crap out of me. Yeah, so it's so and I've lived it my whole life. But I brought it on myself with different relationships and all of that. Yeah, I have absolutely no reason to feel that way. So maybe it's maybe a little mad at myself too. I think it's what it stems from. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, weirdly, and I just thought what my kids going to say about me when I'm older. Right, exactly, and I just thought what my kid's going to say about me when I'm older.
Speaker 2:Right, exactly, absolutely, it's absolutely true. You know what they're going through and what they're going to think when they're older. You know we're doing the best we can, right, yeah, yeah, so I guess it's just part of it. It's just part of it. Process Wow, yeah, definitely a process. So you said they split up when you were a teenager. Yeah, dad was kind of mia, yeah, and then mom was kind of mentally checked out, mia.
Speaker 3:She yeah, emotionally she's checked out my dad. I think he didn't stay single long. He had I don't even know he had a fiance for a while and then she left him and then he ended up getting married I want to say probably in my late teens, early, maybe 20, 21 ish around there. So you know, he went and dated after I don't know how long and went on his merry way, you know. But my mom never really. She went on a few dates years later but yeah, so mom was emotionally detached. Dad had his own kind of life that he was living and wasn't really, wasn't really there for us a whole lot.
Speaker 2:So so he remarried, so you had a stepmom yeah, I just don't like to call her that but OK, ok, so there wasn't, there wasn't much of a relationship on that side for you.
Speaker 3:No, I think when they married I was in college and then I left right after college, so and she was 20 years, his junior, and I'm pretty sure just married him for immigration purposes and money, and money.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Okay. So that's why. Yeah, I don't really never really called her my stepmom, but I guess legally she was Okay.
Speaker 2:Got it Okay. So you graduated college and left yeah, like immediately. Yeah, okay. So take me there. What happened when you were in California?
Speaker 3:You know, california, the initial plan was just to stay for maybe five years and get the experience, maybe put some money in my pocket and come back, and it just never. It didn't happen until 20 years later. Yeah, I just you know I dated here and there had a couple of serious boyfriends and you know I enjoyed the nursing thing, because of course there's lots of trauma and excitement in Southern California, in the hospitals. I worked in the ICU and yeah, so lots of stories in that, in that aspect and just having a decent life, and you know, always was looking to have a family of my own.
Speaker 3:I guess I always felt a little detached from this family here, but probably for obvious reasons, now that we're talking about it, my sister married when she was 24. She's only two years older than me, so she never lived on her own. She went from my mom's to her husband's. So we're complete opposites in that in that area, you know. Yeah, I mean she had. Did she get married? I think she had her first kid at 24. So she must have got married at 22 or 23. So I'm like, so she got married pretty young and so, yeah, I was just having fun in California and visiting my family and they would come down. Mom, mom loved coming down to visit me in the spring because by then she was, she had had it with the winters here because it was, you know, so dark and gloomy and rainy. So she would visit me in the spring and, you know, get a dose of 80s, 90s and and yeah, and then yeah, and then when I was 36, I like I said, just having a great time, and I met this guy and he was a bad boy and, for whatever reason you know, I was attracted to that. I guess I still. You know, I was attracted to the people that I dated. Some of them were bad boys and some of them weren't, but anyway. So he and I started dating and then, at 42, we were still dating when I was 42, we're still dating and I had my son.
Speaker 3:So, in a nutshell, in that relationship, the first in all reality, probably the first six months were decent, but all the red flags were there, all the red flags. But I just was like yeah, no, no, oh, no, no, yeah, but he was a narcissist. So of course he's manipulating everything and it's always everybody else's fault and everybody else is against him and even his family that he had trouble with. He would talk bad about them. So, you know, you don't know any better, right, otherwise? So, long story short, it started as maybe a few months good, and then it got too emotional.
Speaker 3:Yeah, abuse, verbal abuse, you know, and for anyone who's not familiar with abuse, it's really hard to explain. And I don't mean familiar, like firsthand familiar, but you, when I talk about it I feel like an idiot. And I know I'm not an idiot, I'm a smart woman, right, I'm also a very loving and very forgiving person, right, that's exactly what narcissists right on. Absolutely like me. Yeah, who? I was financially independent, you know, I would. I owned a home.
Speaker 3:The reason, actually, the way I met him was through a friend, so he was actually a friend of a friend and I had bought a home and had extra money and I was renovating it and he was the he wasn't a contractor but a handyman, so he, he did the rent. I was in my house, so he probably was like, oh, cha-ching, you know, this lady's got money and he basically moved in a few months later and the rest history. So you know, and again it's, it slowly progressed to where, you know, he isolated me from my friends, from my family, from you know. So it was all about him and and so the verbal manipulation, the emotional manipulation he was. He's a drug addict and an alcoholic and never held a steady job and I'm sure everybody looked at him and looked at me and thought, what is she doing? And people told me, even the friend who connected us was like, what are you doing with him? He is a bad, bad, bad news, like very bad news, and I was like, oh well, you know he's not like that anymore.
Speaker 3:He used to be you know, he loves me, yeah, right right, I get it, and he would get drunk and call me names and the next day it would be like oh, I don't remember, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. You know he's disabled and then so it progressed and it was physical in the sense of not hitting, but you know hands around the throat, threatening, holding bottles over my head when I'm sleeping and threatening. You know that kind of physical like do anything else, say anything else, and I can do this to you Intimidation.
Speaker 2:Intimidation, intimidation and drowning.
Speaker 3:He'd throw me off the bed a few times, where I rolled off the bed and hurt my neck or my head or something like that. It wasn't, honestly, until I was nine months pregnant when he actually hit me, and it was because I found out that he was cheating on me, and so I confronted him about it, and he laid a close fist on my face, and so I had to go to my OBGYN visit and lie and tell them that I was playing football. I'm like, you know that it was a football because it was around Thanksgiving, and so you know that it was a once or a flip. Well, because it was, it was around thanksgiving, and so, you know, and I kicked myself going god, if only I had been truthful, I probably could have pressed charges. Would you have, though? Would you have not in that frame of mind? No, yeah, I was too scared. Yeah, I was too scared of him. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:And then, so long story, longer it was, my son was six weeks old, and I wanted to get a passport for him so that we could go to Canada and see my family. I have a baby and my family's in Canada, so, and he was, it was a control thing, and so I needed permission from him, because you need permission from both parents. So we got into a big argument, big fight about it over days, and he was basically saying, oh, you're going to go there and not come back. I'm like no, that's kidnapping, I can't do that, you know. But so anyway. So we got we've.
Speaker 3:I finally convinced him to go to the passport office or wherever we were headed, and we were a block away from home and he started yelling and screaming at me and he the baby's in the back, and he pulled the e-brake and spun the car and I was like that's it, I'm done. And so you know, we're on the side of the road, I'm calling his dad because I was crying, I was like I want to get my pants. I mean, it was just drama. I'm sure the neighbors are like what the heck is going on, and but anyways, that was the last straw for me and which is amazing because even after the infidelity, we went to counseling. You know, I dragged him to counseling Even through my pregnancy. He made it to one doctor's appointment, and one I think it was, and all he did was complain the whole time that it was taking too long. And yeah, we. I mean, it was just looking. It was terrible, you know, but I was so happy to be pregnant.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I truly understand that I was almost happy to be pregnant. Yeah, I really understand that. I was almost 42 when I had my son. I totally understand that. Where you finally, you finally are going to have that family and you don't want to do anything to break that up, right, yeah, and they just use that against you. You know what I mean, because I know you don't want to be a single mom. They know you want that family. You know what I mean Because I know you don't want to be a single mom. They know you want that family. Yeah, talk it when it's extremely not normal. When you look back on it, yeah, right, but so many things are happening and you, you begin normalizing. You're in a bubble, you're in that bubble and until you get outside of that bubble, yeah, you're able to see it differently and clearly. Yeah, it's like living in a snow globe. You know what I mean. Everything is just foggy all the time and your brain feels not right.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and it's funny, not haha funny, but at the time you don't think about it like that. I just think he said he's going to go to counseling. Okay, he does want to try. He says he's going to stop seeing her Because I found, says he's going to stop seeing her because he's I found out he's cheating on me with this woman and he still he continued to see her and I knew about it, you know. And and then, oh, okay, I'm gonna stop seeing her. I did stop seeing her and then I catch him in a lie, I'm like, but I still kept giving him chances and chances. Yeah, because I just I just thought, okay, now he's got a child, right, but the spell might change. Yeah, yeah, it might change him. I mean, at the time he was 48 years, 40 years old. Yeah, he's two years younger than me, so I'm like he's 40 years old. When are you gonna grow up? And I just thought, you know, maybe he's, maybe this is now, maybe this, maybe this time.
Speaker 2:You know, I mean, it's always, always something you were we were trying, you were genuinely trying to make it work to the point of uselessness.
Speaker 3:but I do recall near the end, like after he hit me when I was nine months pregnant I don't know if it's then or before then or whatever but I do recall being terrified like, and I was felt so vulnerable because I'm out to here, right, right, yeah, absolutely. And so I was like I just need to get this baby out of me and then you're gone. Do you remember?
Speaker 2:Do you remember how he was after he hit you when you were nine months pregnant? Do you remember him the next day?
Speaker 3:No, I think, in all honesty, a lot of it I have still blocked out. I remember him at the time because he hit me in our bedroom and there was a bathroom right next to it it was the master suite and after he hit me I ran into the bathroom and locked the door and I was bleeding. So I had blood on me from getting me in the nose and I started crying and screaming and he was laughing. Yeah, I remember him on the other side laughing. And then I got on the phone with a friend of mine. I didn't even call the police, which I should have, but again, I'm terrified so I called.
Speaker 3:I called a friend of mine who lived down the road and I told her what was going on and she was like you know. I said I don't want you to come here because he's nuts, you know. But I just I don't know what to do. And he heard me on the phone and that's when he threatened if you call the police, I'm going to tell them that all the drugs in the garage are yours and that you're going to lose your RN license, you're going to be deported and your baby's going to be born in jail, and you know all these things that I know are not true, but at the time I'm thinking, oh, shit, can he really do that?
Speaker 2:He might be able to do that? And when you look back on that, now, just those things alone, for somebody to say to you and threaten you, when you have been telling yourself all along that I love this person and they love me. It's ridiculous. Well, I mean when you, when you really think about it now it's like it's ridiculous.
Speaker 3:Of course he doesn't love me, but you're, you're in this, I. It's like it's ridiculous. Of course he doesn't love me, but you're in this. I don't even know what it is Psychologically. You're in this bubble. It's literally brainwashing. It is brainwashing.
Speaker 2:That's why they call it gaslighting, right, and manipulation. And it starts from pretty much day one. You know what I mean Pretty much day one. You know what I mean Pretty much day one? Yeah, because they figure out the kind of person that you are quickly and the kind of person that you are is sweet and loving and kind and wants that family and wants that relationship and you share all those vulnerabilities with them, right, and they're pretty much making that mental checklist of how they can hurt you as you're doing it. You know what I mean, making that mental checklist of how they can hurt you as you're doing it. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:And it's very hard to think of a person in that manner like that. There is people that do that, right. When you're not that kind of person, it's hard, it's hard to believe in your head that people can really be like that. Yeah, it's a hard, not just a lesson to learn, it's not a lesson. It's a hard thing to even take in and imagine that someone can be that way on purpose. We're just not that kind of person, right? I?
Speaker 3:think it's hard. I mean it's got to be. And it's funny because I binge a lot of crime TV because not so much for the crime but for the psychological analysis of them and I think that's why I'm like that's my ex-boyfriend, right there, that's you know. But when you see it in other people, when you see it in an illness, it is a pathological something wrong with you, like that's not a normal brain, it's not.
Speaker 2:And I think that's why it's so hard to understand, because if we were able to understand it then we might have that capability right. So it's really so very hard to understand that that is the way that someone wants to show up in this world. Yeah, it's really hard. It's hard to make that make sense, and I think more so maybe for women, because typically women tend to not be that way. I'm not please everybody. I'm not saying that there's not women that way, I promise I know that there is and I know some of them Just saying the typical woman is not. You know, we're on the nurturing side normally.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So it's just hard for us to believe that somebody can be that way and want to hurt us. Like it's just hard. It's hard to wrap your mind around and I think we don't want to wrap our mind around it because it is so hard to wrap your mind around.
Speaker 3:I think that's something that I have to come to grips with is that I will never understand it. You won't. You won't understand his mentality. And yeah, I mean how you can pull the e-brake when your newborn is in the back, or how can you handshoot the mother of your child on the face when she's about to give birth, any day, like it's just not, that's not normal human.
Speaker 2:It's not, it's not. And I have a friend that I have talked to many times and it's like you can't make sense out of nonsense. You can't, you're never going to make it make sense because it doesn't make sense. Yeah, I think once we kind of get to that point sorry everybody, that's my cat once we kind of get to that point and realize it just doesn't make sense, yeah, it makes it start, it makes it a little easier, right? Because, yeah, you can let it go.
Speaker 3:You have to let it go. The hard things is like, just just like understanding my mother, it's you just sometimes I might just have to let it go, you know, and maybe that's why she went that way.
Speaker 2:Maybe she just had to shut it down because she couldn't make sense of what was going on around her. So she didn't, you know, I mean, shut the wall down and that's it, right. Right, and I, I think we have to protect ourselves how we have to protect ourselves, and they will do that in different ways, and some people truly do just shut down the nervous system shut down, brains shut down, and people deal with things in different manners. Some people just get through things and and some people shut them out. So, you know, I think we all, in reality, are trying to do the best that we can with what we have and what we know. Well, you know the saying when we know better, we do better. Right, and so we can start like you started, going to Al-Anon.
Speaker 2:That's huge, honestly, by the way, I want you to know that. That's huge that you did that yourself and decided to do that yourself. That's really big steps in healing. For a young person that you were at the time, that really is big steps. I know you didn't stay or stick with it or whatever, that you kind of kind of were mad at yourself. It seemed like a little bit there, but but you did it. Be proud of yourself for that. You did do it Well, thank you.
Speaker 3:That's huge, that really is yeah, it's something I think throughout my life, I, I, I tried the Al-Anon and then let that go for a while, and then I tried the EMDR and then, you know, and then I tried just talk therapy, and and then one of the talk therapists I went to a few years ago here she introduced me to tapping. So you know, that's something that you can do at home. So I, yes, no and yeah, so you just try different things and I'm into something or a number of things that work for me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, breathwork is something. I have a very good friend, sherry Lynn. Breathwork here in Oklahoma does breathwork. She's a breathwork facilitator and she's phenomenal at it. She has a heart of gold, very God-centered and just a beautiful person, a beautiful soul, and she just has that ability to hold space for people in a way that is so not intimidating, not threatening, not anything that would let someone be able to be vulnerable, and that is difficult for me, very difficult for me to be vulnerable, and I was able to do that in a breathwork session with her one-on-one not a group, but still, and that's something that's been very, very beneficial. And it's something you can do on your own. You can do that off of an app, but it does help to have somebody guide you, especially the first time, to know what you're doing, but it's extremely healing and extremely helpful.
Speaker 3:I have tried it. Actually a side note cancer in 2020. But it's been obviously it's been life-changing. You know, once it's life-changing, but I think it's been life-changing for the better for me.
Speaker 2:Tell me what. Tell me, were you? You were with him in 2020 when you got cancer.
Speaker 3:No, god no, I left. So my son was born in 2013 and I picked up, I kicked him out when that car happened, the choice happened, yeah, and then I got a restraining order and went to court and blah, blah, blah All those things. By the way, restraining orders don't help at all. Paper, paper, yeah, yeah. I was literally told by the police that they can't do anything unless he makes an actual threat or does anything or try.
Speaker 2:Or puts his hands on you when it's already too late by then. So but thanks for that.
Speaker 3:You know, by contacting me, contacting my mother, contacting you know, everybody. So, anyways, after thousands of dollars of court fees, I picked up and moved, when my son was nine months old, up here.
Speaker 2:So were you able to do that through the courts? Is that how you were able to do that?
Speaker 3:To move, yeah, yeah, yeah. And down in California I got full custody. He got visitation which he has never once tried to see. His son, never once sent a dollar for his birthday, not a birthday card, nothing. Are you surprised by that? No, not at all, not at all. It just adds another layer to my responsibilities of healing, which is fine, because now I have to figure out how to explain this to my son, which I have been Actually the therapist that introduced me to tapping.
Speaker 3:She was also a child therapy specialist or something like that in child oncology. So I had asked her about it and I said how do I explain this, you know, to my son? At the time it was, you know, four or five, six years old, I can't remember. But at some point you know kids are going to be like, well, where's your daddy? And you know, blah, blah, blah. So I got this out, and so she's.
Speaker 3:Her answer was tell him, but don joke about it in the sense of, well, see, don't do that. Like he's, adam is his name is a good example of what not to do. So we joke about it like that. But you know, he knows, he knows that he hurt me, he knows, you know, not all the nitty gritty, but that he's. He's a jerk. Nitty gritty, but that he's a jerk. But it's hard because in their little six, seven, eight, nine, 10-year-old brains they don't understand that. It's not that he doesn't love you, he said. He's not capable of loving you, he's not capable of me, but capable of loving his own mother. His own mother told me when we were moving the best thing you can do is get as far away from him as possible.
Speaker 2:Well, there's your answer. When a mom has to say that about her son, that's pretty huge.
Speaker 3:Part of us leaving. Yeah, that's pretty huge.
Speaker 2:I'm very sorry that happened, but I am very glad for you and for your son that you did get away, because the last thing that you would want for your son is to grow up seeing that. Oh for sure, yeah.
Speaker 3:I mean I'm glad he was little little, because it did probably take me three, three or four years to really feel safe. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And to just wrap your head around what happened, yeah, and to just wrap your head around what happened and clear your own mind and your own nervous system, that whole fight or flight that you live in when all of that's going on, right, that our bodies can't do or are not supposed to do for extended periods of time. You're living in that when you're in that domestic violence type of situation. That's your everyday world, right? Yeah, and your body's not meant to do that. So it does take a while to deescalate and figure out, like the tapping and the breath work and all of those things, to figure out how to regulate your nervous system again. And that's part of just healing, right, it's part of the healing, it's part of the journey, it's part of the process. You're saying I don't know if I'm rock solid, yet You're going through the process, yeah, which makes us who we are. Right, you got to go through it and you got to. You have to get through it. There's no way to get around it. You have to go through it. And all the time that we spend trying to go around it because we've all done it, right, you just want to go around it, not process it, much like what your mom did. She didn't want to heal from it, she didn't want to go through it. She shut it down. You didn't choose that route. You kept yourself available for your son. You're saying we can laugh about things, we can joke about things. That's huge. I mean you're giving him the mom that he needs. Be proud of yourself for that.
Speaker 2:You did phenomenal getting out of that situation, because it's hard. It's hard. People don't understand it. You know, the typical question is why didn't you just leave? Why didn't you just leave? That's the typical question, right? Why didn't you just leave? There's so many layers to what has gone on and what's been going on and what keeps going on. For why people don't just leave, it's that if you've never been in someone else's shoes, you don't know. You don't know the walk, you don't know the journey, you don't know what someone else has been through. Just be kind, just be kind. You know, and you, so you. It took you a few years, you said, to kind of regulate from that and feel better. And so what did you do when you got back to where you're at now? How did you kind of start rebuilding?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think what happened was I was just starting to kind of settle in and feel safe. Let me see, I have 13. Trying to figure out so and then COVID hit Right. Yeah, I don't know what's going on with the higher powers plan for me or whatever, because I'm like I've had enough. I have had enough, thank you. And then, while I COVID and then I had a, I had a work from home job which was, I guess, kind of a blessing, but so financially it didn't affect me. But then I had a kid who was in kindergarten. So now I have a kid at home and I work full time, and you know so, and they don't put any slack, they don't care, they don't even get it. Oh, you've got cancer. And I was like are you for real right now? It was just like one thing. So I think what happened was, in all honesty, I, you know, was just starting to kind of get back into life and feeling safe, and then I was thrown back into survival, like literal survival mode again, and so it's been four years, technically then, cancer free. But what I wish in is I found this group. Well, she's actually a cancer coach, and so she has a program, a paid program and a support group and all those stuff, and she has been a godsend, a lifesaver you name it. For me and a lot of other women it's a women's only cancer group for surviving after treatment. So a lot of what happens is you have so much support during treatment right, especially from your family as well, and this has been another eye opener for me with my family.
Speaker 3:But so you get diagnosed with cancer, you get surgery, you get chemo, you get radiation, you're going to the doctor, blah, blah, blah. You know can go on for a year or two. You know it's like you have this, you're in the mode, okay, we're doing this, I'm getting through it. You know ups and downs. People are there for you, doctors are there for you. You know you're having all these tests and yada, yada, and then when you're done, and then they say, okay, we'll check you every six months, and then you do that first check and then they're like, okay, see you later, see you in six months, and it's a good thing.
Speaker 3:But then you're faced with crap. I'm not who I used to be. Then you're faced with crap. I'm not who I used to be. I'm pre-cancer. I'm always thinking of when I have a stomach ache or a pain. Is it coming back? Is this it coming back again? So you stay in the survival, this cortisone level. There's cortisone in a survival mode until you can figure out how to manage those feelings. And this program that I found helped helped me do that. And and she does breath work, she does reiki, she does tapping, she does meditation, she does yoga, all of these things. So I think what's happened is in healing my post-cancer brain I I'm also dealing with trauma from the abuse and all the other bullshit that you know we have from childhood. So it's good in that way.
Speaker 2:This is so interesting that we you know, higher power, universe, god, whatever you want to call it kind of brought us together. Because what I haven't told you is one of my very best friends is fighting cancer right now. She's stage four. It's been about a year and a half now. She's been in a crazy chemo treatment for the last month month and a half, two months and she did just find out yesterday that the lesions in her liver are better and I started out with lung cancer, kind of done some different things and she's been fighting it hard for this year and a half and the thing that she talks most about is what a excuse me, mindfuck it is.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Dealing with it Because, like you just are saying right now, you're constantly in that cortisone level, stress level, fight or flight, constantly wondering what's happening, what's going on, what's next? Where are we? Is it helping? Is it not helping? When's my next pet scan? Okay, when's my next appointment and when I have them?
Speaker 3:come. Yes, yes, you freak out. Yes, there's anxiety.
Speaker 2:They even have a name for it Anxiety. Wow, I've not heard that before. That is absolutely true. And they put that mask, you know, for radiation, that crazy mask. Yeah, and she was just in the hospital about three weeks ago and I have no idea why she had the mask in the room with her. I still don't know. But I picked it up and she put it on and we took pictures and we tried to be lighthearted and joke and laugh and it's the first time we've done that in a while and I still don't understand that mask. But it's such a all encompassing thing. You know that she's going through and you, you try to be there for someone and you try to be supportive. Just you know, but gosh, you're the one going through it. You know what I mean. So it's a.
Speaker 3:It's a difficult journey in itself, and by the way, if you tell someone who's going through cancer just to be positive, that person probably wants to punch you in the throat absolutely, and I, and I have made that mistake.
Speaker 2:I have made that mistake of saying hey, please don't say that you know you only have this long or you only have that long, because I am a firm believer in what you tell yourself is going to happen. Yeah, I'm saying that, manifesting and all that. So please don't tell yourself you're you got three months. Please don't do that. You know, fight, just fight, however long is what you have, but please don't give yourself limits and times and things. That make me crazy to hear that. And it's not about me. You know what I mean, right, not about me at all. So it is.
Speaker 2:It's hard to be on the other side of it as well, but it's not near as hard to be on your side of it. Do you know what I mean? It's way harder on your side, but it's hard. Both sides are hard Family, friends. It's just a. It's a terrible disease. It's a very, very terrible disease, and so you were going through that on top of everything else. Yeah, there's been no moment to heal through that, right, it's like what am I going to catch a break? You know?
Speaker 3:yeah, oh gosh, I mean we could go. We could go on and talk another hour about what I've learned about um stress and how the body's been. So I said I like to blame the ex and say, well, you, you, you gave me answer, you know there's some truth to that.
Speaker 2:I'm not saying he can't hurt, but there is some truth. Yeah, there's some truth to that strength level. Yeah, yeah, a hundred percent that there. Have you ever read the book? Body keeps?
Speaker 3:the score book body keeps the score or a lot, but I that's on my list.
Speaker 2:I know a lot when our community talk about it and yeah, yeah, it's a great book. It's a great. It's hard to get. It's been hard for me to get through. I have it on audible so I listen to it in chunks, yeah, um, but it's phenomenal on your body does keep the score. All the trauma that you've had getting stored in your body right and my back used to be really really like back shots on the floor, couldn't get up, couldn't walk, trying to figure out what am I going to do. I've got a baby. Like, how is this going to work? I have a baby. I'm only 40 years old. Blah, blah, blah. You know, amazingly, some stress left my life and well, so did the traumatic back stuff. Yeah, I'm not saying I don't have a little bit of it, but I am telling you 180 degrees and just that, going through that, I 100 believe stress is the killer. Yeah, stress is our biggest killer. On food and carcogens and all those things too, yeah, but stress will just eat your body from the inside out.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's the inflammation, stress and inflammation, and it's in addition to so many chronic illnesses. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And I truly, 100% do believe that Now we're never going to live stress-free lives, right? No, it's just about the society that we live in. But we sure can do things that make better choices, right? The whole podcast is Breakfast with Choices. We certainly can make better choices to, you know, be who we need to be, where we need to be and not where we don't need to be. Right To keep some of those things down, and it sounds like you definitely have done that. Yeah, definitely Like.
Speaker 3:I said, it's still a work in progress, but I do breath work and I haven't been doing enough lately. But the thing is I think it's important to remember too is progress, not perfection, and that's one thing that I have I battle myself with, but it's the fact that I'm actually aware of the fact that I haven't been taking care of myself lately. You know what I mean. So I normally I will beat myself up like you're not doing this, you're not meditating, you're not eating right, you're not. But instead the fact that I'm aware of it, that I shouldn't meditate more often because I've been slacking on that or, you know, I haven't been drinking my water as much. I think just being kinder to yourself and saying you know what, you know you've been slacking and it's okay, you know interact and take care.
Speaker 2:We have to learn to give ourselves the grace that we give to other people. Yeah, and that's hard. That's hard sometimes that's.
Speaker 3:It is right. Yeah, I think it was on facebook the other day. I can't remember back what it was, but it's to the to the point. I stopped treating yourself like an asshole. You know 100 percent totally. I don't treat this person, that person, like an asshole, but I treat myself, yeah that's true, doing that true.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you have to give yourself the grace. I always say that Give yourself the grace you would give to someone else because you wouldn't beat someone else up about something that they did. No, you'd be graceful about it and you'd be like, well, you know what, tomorrow you're going to try something different. You're going to try harder you know you didn't.
Speaker 3:You walked a little today. It wasn't your goal, but you did it yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and for whatever reason, with ourselves, like you said, perfection, and it's not perfection, it's progress, right, progress. And I don't know what that is. I'm that person too that can be very, very hard on myself, and in this last, I would say, year and a half, that is something I've really, really, really worked on, like really worked on just chilling out on myself and letting, letting myself be vulnerable and not expecting perfection from myself.
Speaker 3:And it's hard, it's hard to do that, it really is being the age that I am like, I often been thinking about this midlife crisis, and what it might actually be now that I'm kind of here is more of a midlife awakening is that we've been doing it wrong with this. We've been around ourselves, we've been judging ourselves and being about what other people think about us. You know to the point of exhaustion and and maybe the midlife crisis is just saying you know what, screw it. Yeah, just let it go.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean what I want to do to make me happy and I don't care what everybody thinks, yeah, and those boundaries, the boundaries that you should have put up a long time ago, agrees, are a big um, yeah, to to now go. Yeah, I don't have to do that, isn't that weird? I don't have to do that, I never had to do that. Interesting, yeah, getting older has actually kind of been a blessing, kind of been. Just like you said, you just learn, you're learning. You know what I mean. You've learned more and you're finally like putting into practice what you've learned. It's like just making those steps and those changes you know in yourself and not worrying about the steps and the changes and everybody else Like who cares?
Speaker 2:My favorite saying in the last year or so is not my circus, not my monkeys. Really, you know it's, it's. I don't have to worry about that. That's not, that's not mine to worry about, that's not mine to take on. I've got my own plate. You know I need to worry about my plate. Right now. Nobody's coming to save me. I certainly can't save everybody, you know, and I think just remembering that and not being so hard on yourself is really, really important, because you've done a lot of really really good things too. You know you've been a nurse for how long God. That's a long, long time. And what do you do in the nursing profession? Like what's you? Help other people.
Speaker 3:Well, that's you know. I often think about that too, as I wonder if that's part of what I what I wanted to do because of my family? You know what I mean. Like was there a reason why I wanted to help others feel better and fix other people? That's what I was looking for.
Speaker 2:Yeah, a hundred percent. That is a that's a beautiful thing, really, right. Yeah, that's your heart. You have a heart to serve others.
Speaker 3:I just want to. I don't want to do it anymore. I mean, it sounds selfish, but it's like I spent almost 30 years of my life taking care of other people and I, you know, and I'm, I'm not. I don't want to do it anymore. And that's okay, yeah To go. Okay, the one that I take care of.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's perfectly okay to go. All right, I've done that. I did that. I came here, I saw it, I went and I'm ready to do something different.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:There's nothing wrong with that. You have done what you set out to accomplish. You've done it, so there's nothing wrong with making some changes. Oh, no, not at all. Life is short and, as you know, life is short and it's it's been dangled in front of you. So you know, yeah, that it is short and it's time for you to do what you want to do. Yeah, and you can do that. It's okay, yeah, you deserve to do that. So what? What are you doing now? What? What's next? So what? What are you doing now? What?
Speaker 3:what's next? What? What are you thinking? What's going on? I'm? My problem is I'm working on too many different things at once, but I'm still working as a nurse, but I work, or work from home. I'm still doing the same thing I've been doing since I moved here, which is insurance authorization, stuff, which is, you know, people that everybody hate, but I don't make the decisions. I just I'm a monkey, I just work there, which is, you know, listen, people that everybody hates, but I don't make the decisions. I just I'm a monkey, I just work there, which is fine, but that's that pays the bills. Right now that I have written two children's books and a third on the way and I have four more in my computer brain and my computer and trying to kind of build a brand around that yeah, yeah, you're gonna have to give those links to me for those books.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I told her get that. Yeah, what are the name of the books? What are the titles?
Speaker 3:it's a series, penny. The pity is the series that I'm doing the book under. The first one is Stella's Satisfaction and one is Smokey's City Adventures. I love that. So they're for ages like four to eight. That's awesome. Yeah, the Stella one in my head for years and I kind of thought about things that I've learned in my nursing experience and kind of wanted to bring it into like lesson, lesson, kids, and so that's that little lesson in class them. That's really cool. Good for you. Yeah, so I'm going up and down and went on the flip side of that. I want to go into the, the elder, senior area, and do the podcast. While I've been done, again, I'm battling my need to do a church or an annual.
Speaker 2:So let's just say let me throw it out there to you right now You're not going to do it perfectly, no, I promise, because I'm a perfectionist and it's not happening, and so you just got to start. That's my words of wisdom.
Speaker 3:I'm like, oh, screw it, this is. You know, I've got the equipment. I've been sitting here for you know, it's been sitting here for at least eight months and I've interviewed people and I'm ready to go. I'm going to stop, yeah, at eating fear of failure or or whatever, and so let's talk it through real quick.
Speaker 2:What's the worst thing that can happen? Nobody listens. Okay, and Then what? What happens if nobody listens?
Speaker 3:This thing right, Because if I screw it up and sound terrible, then if nobody listens, nobody heard it Right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean there's nothing horrible that's going to happen from it. Yeah, Nobody's going to get hurt. You're not going to get hurt. Like nothing gonna hurt, like nothing's gonna happen horrible from it. Yeah, try it what if?
Speaker 3:what if it's wonderful? What if you love it? Yeah, right, and I think I will. I've been on a few podcasts, you know, tech counselor and stuff like that, and well, I enjoy talking to people and that's the thing that I do miss about working from home is I'm the camaraderie of my staff and my co-workers, and you know, talking to people, right, I've been isolated, right. So, yeah, I don't want to destroy it and I think it'll be healing and, you know, hopefully I can make some money there, you go.
Speaker 2:There you go and there's a lot of different things you can do with it. You know, yeah, and I think you know we talked a little bit before we ever hit record and we talked about kind of the elder side of it and you know, our generation and taking care of our parents and in all of those things and it's a it's a hard spot to be in and I think people could really use I know I for one could really use a place to talk about that and to just talk it through and vent about it and be in a space with other people that might be going through the same things. Yeah, you know, your friends get tired of hearing it. Your family definitely gets tired of hearing it. Everybody wants to fix it and give you all the things you can do to fix it, and sometimes you just need to talk about it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's just life, right, sometimes we just need to talk about things. We don't need someone to try to fix it and let their ego get in the way if you don't listen to their advice. Right, right, never listen to anything I say anyway. So well, sometimes I just need to talk about it. Yeah, you're not going through it Sometimes I just need to vent about it, yeah. So I think that, like having a place to be able to do that for people in our age range because we're the ones that that's affecting taking care of our, of our parents, you know yeah, I think that would be phenomenal Really. Yeah, I have lots to say.
Speaker 3:Your book? Awesome, well, that sounds great. Yeah, I think it is. I think it's it's, you know, and just having the medical background, and you know, I'd like to talk about. You know, I know some people that are Medicare experts and social workers and digital nomads in their 50s. And who else did I interview? I interviewed a lot of people, some people who do what is it? There's a yoga and some other kind of therapy, healing modality. I think it's beneficial for people who are dealing with family matters and stress. So I'm just going to kind of bring a little bit of everything in there and want you to talk about it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, we already know stress is the silent killer, so being able to talk about that and to bring up some ways to deal with that is huge. I think that would be awesome. I can't wait to hear it. I'm ready for it.
Speaker 3:Let's get started, I knew this interview would be beneficial for me as far as getting me motivated, so I mean in other ways as well, but that's one of them. I'm like, okay, this is going to get me going Good.
Speaker 2:Well, see, good, we did something good here, right? Because I really honestly I don't know how you feel about things happen for a reason, but that's my down. Sure me too. Yeah, I literally feel like we were supposed to talk. Yeah, like I literally feel like we were. This was the time, the place that we were just supposed to talk to each other and get some things out there, no matter what it might be, that can help each other, you know For sure. Yeah, so I'm super grateful for you doing this with me. I know we tried to do it last weekend. You weren't feeling good and you said something so cute. You said I really feel okay, but my voice sounds like rocks and I'm like, yeah, that's not gonna be good.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it was like three weak coughs. I still have a little bit of it, but because it's the evening, yeah, I'm like rocks are probably going to be good.
Speaker 2:So you're doing that and then you're going to. I know you're going to get ready to start the podcast. I'm ready for it. I'm ready to start.
Speaker 3:I'm going to do some online training stuff. I'm going to do a whole bunch First the year podcast is going to be ready, right?
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, I mean that timeframe is there. It's like it's just not quite even November, so it's a good timeframe.
Speaker 3:I can probably contact the people that I reached out to and I'm scheduled to record and I just have to play around with the technology. Yes, play around with the technology.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, the fun part, the super fun part, yeah, yeah, I am definitely ready for that, but you have, like you said, you're not feeling quite rock solid. What do you think would change that for you Win the lottery? Maybe Me too, me too, that would help.
Speaker 3:I think, yeah, you know what I think one of my problems I mean, I have many problems, but one of them is taking on too much, and I think that's what I'm doing right now and work it's gotten exhausted and so I need to figure out what my priority is, and I'm really bad at procrast, or I'm actually good at procrastinating. I'm at scheduling, which is terrible for someone to be self-employed, but I need to work on that, like have a schedule, you know, like time block and do this and stick to it. I think that would really help me. So I think it's just an organized life, organizational thing that I need to figure out to stick to. You know, I'm I've always been a not literal nine to fiver.
Speaker 3:I've been working 12, 12 hour shifts and night shift, but but I've always been a not literal nine to fiver, I've been working 12 hour shifts and night shift, but I've always held a W2. So you're structured, you structure and you leave, yeah, and you show up, or else you're in trouble when you transition to being self-employed and running businesses. It's not that I'm not disciplined, it's. I mean, maybe I'm not, maybe I just I don't know. I don't know what it is.
Speaker 2:Sometimes it's just knowing what to do, yeah, where to start, and literally it's just starting. So sometimes it's knowing where to start and I will tell you. It's funny again because I had. This is the same thing that I was going through November. Let's see October. Of where are we? October of 23. This is the same thing that I was going through.
Speaker 2:I knew what I wanted to do, but I felt very stuck, like just this, like hamster wheel yeah, overwhelmed, taking too much on, too much on my plate doing all, trying to do 597 things and I wanted them all perfect and all now and all right now and it's not sustainable. Yeah, what I did was I got a coach and I would say I'm a shout out to Brandy Gilstrap here. Brandy's here in Oklahoma City and she's phenomenal. She is phenomenal and she just did a live on her Becoming Wildly Well is her business. She just did a live the other day and there was so many women on that live. She is a while. She's a business coach, she's also a, she's more of a life. I don't even know how to explain you, brandy.
Speaker 2:I knew what I needed to do and I knew what I wanted to do, but I couldn't get myself unstuck. Yeah, and she works with women that are phenomenal, women that already are successful and in their own right and in their own way. They just need to get out of their own way. Yeah, and I needed someone to get me out of my own way. My nervous system was shot. I had that regulated again.
Speaker 2:It's not that I didn't know what to do, it's I needed to start and I worked with Brandy for about three months and it just kind of it was the propelled me. I think you know what I mean To actually get started Right and to stop getting in my own way and all the things I'm saying to you. What's the worst thing that could happen? What's all of those things Right? Or what I had to do with myself to get myself started, like, what's the worst thing that is going to happen? So what? Nobody listens Big deal when you're starting it out. Are you really doing it for everybody else or are you doing it because it's a passion for you, right? I mean, it's really your passion.
Speaker 3:But for me it's because I want to do it. But I will do it because I feel like the need is there for other people absolutely, and you so you still want to help other people, yeah, because it's your passion.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's what you've been doing your whole entire life, so you really can't go wrong to continue doing that, which is what I just can't. I shouldn't keep doing. But that's a different way, though that's in a different way, yeah it's, it's my own terms.
Speaker 3:You know I'll be my own boss. I can shut down when I want to. I can talk to who I want to talk to.
Speaker 2:So I think it's different because I'm doing things specifically that I want to do that you want to do, and there's a freedom in that, there's a definite freedom in that, and I think that's huge. I think that's huge. So I'm excited to see what comes of this for you. I'm definitely going to be staying connected and watching and I just want to see where this goes for you because I can. I just feel it Like. I just felt like we were meant to talk and this was for a reason, and I hope it was helpful for you because it was for me, yeah, absolutely helpful. Thank you so much. Thank you for coming on today, thank you for sharing and I can't wait to see what you do. So please send me those, the books. I would love to put those in the show notes and let everybody see those and I say everybody, like I'm doing this for the world, whoever might see those books, not who it's for, right I joke all the time. I'm Joe Summers, not Joe Rogan, right? So there's a difference on who might see this One day. One day, yeah, maybe one day. But again, this is something I do because it's something I wanted to do. It's a passion for me, that is helpful for me and, I hope, helps other people. You know, just sharing, like I told you, that one little thing that sticks. Maybe someone hears that one little thing that sticks and hopefully realizes that they're not alone. They're not alone. They're not alone. We all go through struggles, daily, weekly, minute by minute. We all go through struggles and we're not alone. I work a lot in recovery and addiction, like we talked about, and my favorite little saying is connection is the opposite of addiction. We're all in this together and we are all in this together. We're all in this world together, on this planet together. We're all energy. We need to be putting out that good energy to keep us going. You know what I mean? To keep us going good, and I think when we find people in our circles that can do that, that's who we need to surround ourselves with, right? So that way it just keeps going. So look at us getting better already. I know Well, right, so that way it just keeps going. So look at us getting better already. I know Well.
Speaker 2:Diane, thank you so much for tonight. I really appreciate you taking your time tonight and spending it with me and hanging out. Likewise, just chatting, right? Yeah, chatting. I promise Just a comfy chat. Did I deliver you?
Speaker 3:did, and I'm glad because I'm not prepared for the video. But that's it.
Speaker 2:That is why we're here. I joked with you early and I'm saying this on camera right now. You can come here, you don't even have to wear pants, you don't even have to wear a bra. It's just us seeing each other and you can be as comfortable as you want, and we're just sharing life stories, life journeys and transformation. And I see you going rock solid.
Speaker 3:Thank you, I might have a couple of guests for you. If you're interested, I'll reach out to you that would love to share their stories too. And I also wanted to say, just for anybody who's listening, if anyone is currently in a relationship that causes them fear or concern, reach out to me. If you just want to talk, if you want advice, I'll give you advice, whatever you want, and same goes for cancer. If you've been just newly diagnosed or you're newly set free and you don't know what to do with yourself, you can certainly reach out to me as well. I'm an open book and I don't mind talking about my experiences, and I've got some people that would be really helpful.
Speaker 2:Thank you so, so much for saying that. That is really really why I love this platform and love what I do, because everybody that I talk with is one more source to help other people not feel alone, to just not to offer hope and encouragement to anyone who may be struggling, so we're not feeling alone out there. So thank you very much for saying that. I appreciate it, no problem.
Speaker 3:I think if I was to say for drugs and alcohol, domestic violence, cancer because those are the three main things we talked about, yeah, each scenario, each person's experience is different, so you can't judge and you can't compare. You know I've had people say this was we judge and you can't compare. You know I've had people say this was we didn't talk about this, but I chose not to have chemo and some people would be like, why don't you just have chemo? My, my mom, had breast cancer. She's fine, she had chemo. You can't compare my cancer to her cancer. You can't compare my domestic violence experience no, no, and like is my alcoholic father family to theirs. Everybody's, yeah, everybody's experiences are different, don't worry, just be kind and I'm here to hear it if anybody wants to reach out.
Speaker 2:I love that you just said that. Don't judge, just be kind. This isn't a fight on whose trauma is more than someone else's. We all are in this together and the whole main objective is healing. Yeah, is healing, yeah, being able to talk it through with somebody that is there to listen. So, thank you so much. Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 1:I am so grateful that you joined me for this week's episode of Breakfast of Choices. If you're enjoying this podcast, please subscribe, give it five stars and share it to help others find hope and encouragement. The opposite of addiction is connection, and we are all in this together. Telling your transformational story can also be an incredible form of healing, so if you would like to share it, I would love to hear it. You can also follow me on social media. I'm your host, Jo Summers, and I can't wait to bring you another story next week. Stay with me for more Transformational Thursdays.
