Breakfast of Choices
Everyone has stories of transformation. And some of them include moments, or years of intense adversity, a time when it felt like there was no hope. This podcast, "Breakfast of Choices," holds space for people to share their true, raw and unedited stories of overcoming extreme struggles, like addiction, mental illness, incarceration, domestic violence, suicide, emotional and physical abuse, toxic family structures, relationships, and more. Trauma comes in so many forms.
Every week, as a certified Peer Recovery Support Specialist, Recovery Coach, Life Transformation coach and your host, I will jump right into the lives of people who have faced these types of adversity and CHOSE to make choices to better themselves. We'll talk about everything they went through on their journey from Rock Bottom to Rock Solid.
Through hearing each guest's story of resilience, my hope is that we'll all be inspired to wake up every single day and make our own "Breakfast of Choices". More importantly, that we'll understand we have the POWER to do it.
When someone shares their story, it can be unbelievably healing. And it can be just what someone else needs to hear at that exact moment to simply keep moving forward. So I hope you can find "that one little thing that sticks," along with hope and encouragement to just keep taking it one day at a time.
And now let me be the first to welcome you to the "Breakfast of Choices" community, a non-judgemental zone where we learn from, lean on and celebrate one another. Because the opposite of addiction is "connection", and we are all in this together.
If you would like to tell your story, I sure would love to listen. Please email me at Breakfastofchoices@gmail.com.
Respects,
Jo Summers.
Breakfast of Choices
Don't Focus on Why Me: From Motorcycle Accident to Miracle
What happens when life as you know it vanishes in an instant? When a split-second collision on a motorcycle steals your sight, breaks your body from head to toe, and erases a month of your memories?
Kijuan "Kiwi" Amey's powerful story begins on May 5th, 2017 – a day that would become what he calls "my new life story." A military veteran working as an in-flight refueling specialist, college student with a near-perfect GPA, and small business owner, Kiwi's world changed forever when a driver pulled out in front of his motorcycle. After a month in a medically-induced coma, he woke to darkness, unable to see, speak through his wired-shut jaw, or even smell.
The physical toll was devastating – skull surgery, facial reconstruction, spinal fusion with two rods and twelve screws, and numerous other procedures that transformed him into what he calls "titanium man." But what makes this conversation truly extraordinary is Kiwi's stunning mental transformation.
Rather than dwelling on what was lost, Kiwi embraced a philosophy that powers his life today: "Don't focus on what you can't do, focus on what you can do." This mindset has propelled him beyond anyone's expectations. He now travels independently, skis downhill, rock climbs, plays drums and piano, and powerlifts over 225 pounds – all without sight.
Through his darkest moments of depression and suicidal thoughts, Kiwi discovered that connection is the antidote to despair. His experience offers profound wisdom for anyone facing seemingly insurmountable challenges, reminding us that "what you're going through doesn't define who you are – you define who you are."
Join us for this profoundly moving conversation about finding purpose through pain and transforming tragedy into triumph. Kiwi's journey will challenge you to examine your own limitations – both real and self-imposed – and perhaps see your life's challenges through newly brightened eyes.
Kijuan's Best Selling Book: An amazing inspirational Read!!
Don't Focus on Why Me
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1737036614?psc=1&ref_=cm_sw_r_cp_ud_ct_C4TB141RG5R8RTQ9ECDR_1
From Rock Bottom to Rock Solid.
We all have them...every single day, we wake up, we have the chance to make new choices.
We have the power to make our own daily, "Breakfast of Choices"
Resources and ways to connect:
Facebook: Jo Summers
Instagram: @Summersjol
Facebook Support: Chance For Change Women’s circle
Website: Breakfastofchoices.com
Urbanedencmty.com (Oklahoma Addiction and Recovery Resources) Treatment, Sober Living, Meetings. Shout out to the founder, of this phenomenal website... Kristy Da Rosa!
National suicide prevention and crisis, hotline number 988
National domestic violence hotline:
800–799–7233
National hotline for substance abuse, and addiction:
844–289–0879
National mental health hotline:
866–903–3787
National child health and child abuse hotline:
800–422-4453 (1.800.4.A.CHILD)
CoDa.org
12. Step recovery program for codependency.
National Gambling Hotline 800-522-4700
Good morning. Welcome to Breakfast of Choices Life Stories of Transformation from Rock Bottom to Rock Solid. I am here with my guest today, Kiwan Aimee. He goes by the call sign, or went by the call sign of Kiwi in the military, and he has a very transformational story to share with us today. I am super excited to have him on. He's a very handsome man. Y'all can't see him right now, but I sure can. Hey, Kiwi, how you doing.
Speaker 2:I am doing just great, and I like how you just called me Kiwi, because not only did I used to, but I still go by that call sign.
Speaker 1:I love it. I love it. So you know you sent me an email originally, and I looked at your book that you wrote called Don't Focus on why Me, and I read some passages of your book and I read something at the end that said come along and explore this journey through my darkened eyes that have been made to see clearly. And I was hooked. I was ready to hear the story and just kind of what has happened for you. So go ahead and share a little bit about your story, kiwi.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and just kind of what has happened for you, so go ahead and share a little bit about your story, kiwi. Yeah, so I'll start from you. Know where I was before the accident and I was 25 at the time. Shoot, I was in the United States Air Force as a reservist and my job was in-flight refueling specialist, and that's where you refuel planes in midair. For those who don't know anything about that, that's crazy.
Speaker 1:That's awesome and crazy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so not only am I handsome, I'm very intelligent. Okay, so that was my job. I did it for a decade, if you count what's on paper. But the reason I say that is because when I had my accident I had only been in for six and a half years and it took that long for me to get processed out after all the surgeries you know physical therapies, everything that transpired, paperwork, everything you can think of. But I won't get into that just yet. I'm going to keep you guys going with what I was doing at 25, just the age of 25. One of those prime ages that everybody likes to talk about.
Speaker 1:Heck yeah.
Speaker 2:You feel like you're just doing everything in the world.
Speaker 1:And I was yeah, you're on top of the world.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because not only was I traveling all over the world with the United States Air Force and refueling planes, and I was also an instructor. I had to teach it while I was in there, okay, while I was in there. And so then, once I became a reservist because I did four years of active duty for that same job, and once I became a reservist I would go to school full time. I had already been taking classes, you know, like onesies, twosies, because the active duty life is not easy, first and foremost. So for you to just try to jump in full two feet into the water, yeah, no, don't do that in class and in active duty, because you're going to be head over heels. Okay.
Speaker 2:And so I would go ahead and go to school full time to earn my degree in computer information systems, with a specialization in systems analysis and integration. But that wasn't the only thing I also would be, having started my own business, and it was called Kiwi Enterprise. My great aunt, god rest her soul she gave me that nickname when I was a to find every cool name I could think of in the world to be my calls on. They were not having it.
Speaker 1:They were using.
Speaker 2:Kiwi, no. So they were like well, what did they call you back home? I was like Ki, and they're like, nah, I'm like KJ, they're like KJ, I'm like nah. I was like, well, they do call me Kiwi and that's kind of how I said it. He's like kiwi. I said no, no, no, no time out. I didn't say that, take it back. That's the one next thing I know is printed on my boom card. Man, well, it's not going anywhere. Now I still get called kiwi, kiwisi, like they call me all that. I get called kiwisi and I call myself because I'm a musician and a singer, so I call myself DJ Kiwizy, okay, okay, whenever I'm doing certain things, you know, even when I'm like going to the gym, or then I had a long day and I go talk to somebody like how you doing man, I said listen, it ain't easy being Kiwizy, oh.
Speaker 1:I love that. Yeah, there you go, that's cute.
Speaker 2:So yeah, kiwi-z, oh, I love that. Yeah, there you go. That's cute, so yeah. So now moving forward. That's a little backstory on the Kiwi Enterprise name and that stuff. But in my job or the business that I owned, I was the CEO. I would be doing website design and management, social media marketing and photography.
Speaker 2:But it was for small businesses, because a lot of people like to forget about the small business. They want the big money, yeah, and all of these small businesses can't really afford it. Some can, some can't. We have different tiers of you know small business, so I wanted to be that guy that fit right in the middle. I'm going to go help, you know. So that's what I did, and I would actually now fast forwarding to the accident on May 5th, what some might call Cinco de Mayo. I call my new life story, because that's what everything would change for me Everything. And so I had to work for the United States Air Force that night and go actually that weekend. I had to work that entire weekend.
Speaker 2:Before that, I was going to go work for my business. I was the webmaster for my church's website. They would be like, well. At first they were like, well, what do we what? How much are you going to charge us? And I'm like, oh no, no, I'm giving this back. This is my church. You know, this is my church home. I take pride in what I'm doing and I also want us to look good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know cause it just seems like somebody threw up a website and they're like all right, that'll be enough, we'll just leave it there and let it function. It's not good to do that. I'm telling you every business and small business under the sound of my voice please don't do that. I was like, yeah, this is outdated. We've already added a lot of things to the front of the church, to the church to the like, fencing around it, all this other stuff. I church to the like, fencing around it, all this other stuff. I said we've got to update these pictures, and so that was the first thing I went to go do.
Speaker 2:But so where I lived, compared to where my church, was maybe like a 10 minute ride, like for. So because I had jumped on my motorcycle. I was in my car that day, but I jumped on my motorcycle because it was such a nice day. I was just waiting on it to heat up springtime. So you know how the spring is In the morning it's kind of cool, but in the afternoon it's all right, perfect, yeah.
Speaker 2:So I jumped on the bike around like one, maybe noon or one-ish, something like that, and I take off and I go take the pictures, got all the photoshoots, all the shots done. I had my camera inside my book bag that I always ride to see if I'm carrying stuff, and so I would say listen, this is too nice of a day just to ride for 10 minutes. I got to go, I got to go do some more riding and so I would take off to. If anybody out here has heard or read my book, which is called Don't Focus on why Me from Motorcycle Accident to Miracle the cover of my book you'll see a backdrop. Yes, there is a motorcycle there, and that was the actual motorcycle that I rode on. Okay, nina, I called her Nina, okay, and for those who can't see it or have not seen it, it's a Kawasaki Ninja.
Speaker 1:ZX6R.
Speaker 2:Yep, I'm looking at the picture, and so that backdrop, though, is a lake area, the picture, and so that backdrop, though, is a lake area it's. You see trees, you see a dock and you can see just a little bit of water, you know, and rocks over there too. Yeah, that was where I used to actually go see, that was the actual spot. Okay, so I didn't make up none of these pictures. These are photos I took. Okay, photographer now the cover designer, of course, would go and stitch them together and you get that beautiful image, you know, but those are two pictures. I sent them. I said, hey, I need you to do something with these pictures and stitch them together. This is what I want. And bam, that's what they came out with. That's good, yeah.
Speaker 2:And so back to the story. I would go from my church to the lake in North Carolina. For those who are familiar, the lake is called Jordan Lake. For those who are familiar, the lake is called Jordan Lake, and so I would ride to Jordan Lake and sit at this uh dock and uh, man, that was my place right there. Oh, man, if you wanted to go, get you some peace and quiet, yeah, some, some zen, some meditation, right, you know, I just want to be by myself, because you, if I there's only been like one or two times I've been out there and somebody else was there, yeah, and there's never more than like two, two times I've been out there and somebody else was there, yeah, and there's never more than like two people there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, I get it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like three people total and we got plenty of space.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that bench on my podcast picture, that's my little Zen bench that I go to at Lake Hefner, so I totally get where you're coming from.
Speaker 2:You got to have a place to go. Yeah, you completely understand.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, and I'll go there sometimes and there'll be people on the bench and I swear they always move, they always leave, like I don't know. It's got my name on it somewhere, yep.
Speaker 2:Yep, they're like oh, it's your time's up, time to leave, it's her time.
Speaker 1:It's my bench.
Speaker 2:That's my bench. I'll be honest, because I zone out when I tell you just like go, I'm not even there anymore. I'm like having an out-of-body experience somewhere else. Now, whether that's in my mind or wherever in the world that I am at that time, it's amazing to me. I love it, me too. It's like right there where the rocks are, on the left side of that picture, if you go up that hill, there's the highway that they call Highway 751.
Speaker 2:And a car. Every so often a car would come by, because it's only a two lane road or highway, because it's one of those back roads. And so here comes the car. What time is it? So I look down at my watch, check the time. Oh, I got to go. I still got to work tonight. So my goal, before I even went to go do those pictures, was to take a nap so that I could be good for the night. I never did get to that point, not just because of the accident, but because my mind does not know how to shut down. So that's why I went to go do the pictures, all this writing.
Speaker 2:My mind will not shut down. And it's still the same way, me too, and so any who I said OK, I got to go jump on the bike and I take off. You know I'm probably one of the more safer riders you would have ever met or encountered along the road. You know, you hear the stories or you've seen them. You know those guys that pop wheelies do what they call stoppies, and that's what they stop on the front wheel. Yeah, you know all that burnouts. Never, Even not. I'm not even gonna say I've never done it, I'll never even thought to want to do it.
Speaker 1:Absolutely not Now. I am a motorcycle rider, so I understand and I'm I'm not. I don't even ride with someone that isn't a safe rider. I just won't.
Speaker 2:I used to ride with those guys, but they were in front of me and so as soon as they got on the on-ramp like literally, they'd get in the front wheel and.
Speaker 1:I'm like go ahead.
Speaker 2:I'll catch up with you and if I need to report you, I'll be right there and listen. If you fall, I'll make sure1-1 for you, right? So that's who I was. I was like the safety guy, but anyway. So you know, I get back on the bike and I take off and I had bluetooth capability in my headset so I could listen to, you know, music or answer phone calls, have my gps going and I hear everything. It's really cool to have that feature. So, like, like I say, this is 2017. I'm probably, more than likely, bumping Bruno Mars 24 karat magic. Yeah, yeah, I was Jim. I was probably bumping that, that album, you know, cause I really liked it, especially at that time, you know. And so I'm riding down the road. Again, it's peaceful, you know. For riders who who do ride motorcycles, y'all know what it's like. Again, it's peaceful. You know. For riders who do ride motorcycles, y'all know it's like we love our ride.
Speaker 1:You know, it's cool to be in a car and let windows down, but when you got the air flowing all the way around, it's something else. Yeah, takes you to another place?
Speaker 2:Yes, and now, like I say, I'm on a back road In North Carolina this highway 751, are trees, I mean tall trees alongside you, so all alongside you down the road, until you get like a intersection or a driveway or something, there's trees. And so as you go to get up close to these intersections or what have you, the trees get cut back because they want you to be able to see what's coming if you're about to pull out. Well, on this particular day, I would be riding, of course, and this guy will pull out in front of me. Why, I don't know. I just told you all the trees were cut back and so he pulls out in front of me. I'm running 55 miles an hour and you know, joe, it's not easy to slow a bike down, no gosh no, and if you're stopping on the dime, it's for two reasons.
Speaker 2:You lock that front breakup, yeah, or you laid that bike down one way or another, you know. And so I tell everybody, I had three options Go right and go into the trees. I could go left and go into oncoming traffic, or I could do what ended up happening, and that's freezing up and hitting him. Yeah, because who's expecting a car to pull out of for me, you know. I mean, I've taken all the safety courses, basic and advanced, but when that moment comes, you're not like oh yeah, I remember this, it's a split second though it's a split second.
Speaker 1:You don't have time to go. Oh, let me go to page 83 and reference that Exactly, yeah.
Speaker 2:Exactly my point. Exactly my point.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Exactly my point. Who is sitting there thinking, oh yeah, a car's going to apply in front of me today? I can see that. No, and even if it does, you're like, what do I do now?
Speaker 1:I mean, all we can do is pay attention and pay attention to our surroundings, but when you're in a in a area like that and you're on back roads and trees are all around you, it's not you not paying attention, it's them not paying attention.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:You can't. There's nothing you can do about that.
Speaker 2:And that was the one thing that I used to always inform people, because they would they would see me post pictures of me with my bike on, you know, social media, yeah, and they'd be like, oh my God, please be safe on that bike. I said it's not me, you have to worry about absolutely everybody else, everybody else.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I have. You know. There's a little saying in the in the motorcycle community loud pipes save lives yeah, I had. I didn't have loud pipes, I mean, it was not stock well, different kind of motorcycle though than you know, than what I rode, but but that was always kind of our saying you know what I mean the louder. I know exactly what you're saying yeah, exactly what you're saying.
Speaker 2:I'm just saying, like, mine wasn't like one of those like cut off right there at the edge, you know, yeah, because you know, uh, uh, crock rockers they have those loud ones too, but it's right there by where the, where the exhaust is. So mine, I had a full two brothers that came all the way up, but it was not, it wasn't so, it wasn't stock, it was a full two brothers, but it came out the back, yeah, but it wasn't loud either. You know what I'm saying. So even then, I'm going to be honest, it wouldn't have mattered, because on the police report there were two cars behind me, or behind him not me, I'm sorry Behind him From that same intersection. That said, they saw me coming. They don't know why. He did it, man, and it's on the police report. You can pull it up, I'm so sorry. Yeah, so it's not like it was me and him alone. No, there were other people witnessing this. Yeah, why did you just pull out?
Speaker 1:There's no telling, right, there's just no telling.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I mean again. After that moment I have no recollection. Thankfully, honestly, I'm actually grateful that I don't, because I'll probably relive that nightmare every day. Yeah, yeah, and then from May 5th oh, that's great right there, yeah, from May 5th until June the 6th. I had no clue. I was even still alive.
Speaker 1:Oh, so that's 31 days.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I woke up in the hospital from a medically induced coma, goodness, goodness, because I would literally have to have surgery from head all the way down to my right foot, literally. So every area of my body had to basically have some kind of surgery, except for my arms, goodness, my arms are the only things that didn't so literally, from cutting me across the top of my head from ear to ear to relieve swelling on my brain and then going from that to surgically implanting metal plates in my face because it was crushed in. Yeah, I had to have plastic surgery. So that's why you can see it, this permanent indentation here. That's why they had to go in and do all that stuff and open me up and everything else. And then even the eyelid on my the bottom eyelid on my right eye, was torn off somehow, and I'm guessing that's due to the plexiglass from the face shield.
Speaker 2:Sure, it could have maybe torn it off, and then I'm 100% blind, for those who, of course, are listening to this. You can see, but you guys can't. And so there was damaged blood vessels, but also a lot of scarring. Uh, to my eyes, right, I was popped out, of course, because the eyelid was gone, so there was nothing holding me in, so it popped out. And what's crazy about the right eye is I can actually see light perception with that a little bit, but I can't see anything with the left eye. And that one stayed in. Wow, you know, that's crazy. I thought that would have been the opposite of the word, you know opposite way but hey, here you go, and then I broke my jaw, of course you know.
Speaker 2:so I have a lot of chipped and cracked teeth. I also had like two knocked loose. So a lot of chipped and cracked teeth on my right side of my mouth. The left side is fine, but the right side, man geez, that was like the cheapest part of the bill.
Speaker 1:And that was $20,000.
Speaker 2:I was going to say teeth are expensive. Well, that was $20,000 after insurance, that was after insurance paid their part. So that was what I had to do, goodness you know. And so that's the face. Oh, by the way, when my jaw was broken, they wired my mouth shut. I had to keep, you know, my jaws closed so it would gain back functionality. And then, moving down, well, I had a trach as well because, like I told you, my face was crushed in, so my nasal passage wasn't the best as far as breathing. So they put a trach and then my spine would be broken. So I am medically fused with two rods and 12 screws, from L4 to T2, which is a long way, All the way up pretty much yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a long way. If it had to went any further downward, it would have been going into that paralyzation area, yeah, where my legs would be paralyzed from the waist down, yeah, so moving from that?
Speaker 2:yeah, well, my legs would be paralyzed from the waist down, yeah, wow. So moving from that spot to my legs, starting at my right, femur broke that and that's the largest bone in your body. Right, that's replaced with metal. My left tibia, which is your shin bone, from knee literally all the way down the ankle is, is a rod, and then I fractured, I think, the right fibula. I think that's still my mind, because it was just fractured, and then I have a screw in my right foot. So that's head to toe. So when you sum it all up, after those discharge papers hit from the hospital, after being in there from May 5th until July 7th, you can say hello to a million dollar man.
Speaker 1:No kidding, I was going to say remember that. Do you remember the old show $6 million man with bionic?
Speaker 2:I think I've heard of it. I think so.
Speaker 1:Before your time. Keep on, I'm old the $6 million man. Uh, he was bionic, okay, yeah.
Speaker 2:I do think I remember this.
Speaker 1:And it was um dollar man.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so just call me. I say titanium man, I'm not iron man, I'm titanium man, because it's a lot of titanium in my body.
Speaker 1:Oh my goodness. So you wake up from that? What do you wake up to?
Speaker 2:Well, first off, I wake up to hearing people talking and I'm like I'm hearing voices. That's what I'm thinking. Wait a minute, I'm hearing voices, man. And then I just played it like wait a minute, let me see who these people are, you know, because I'm listening. I'm not letting them be aware that I'm awake, is what it was, so I'm kind of playing what we call possum.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I'm just like.
Speaker 2:Yeah, trying to figure out what's happening. So I'm ear hustling just listening.
Speaker 1:You know Ear hustling, and so I'm like, oh OK, I know who the voice editor is.
Speaker 2:But what the heck is my mom doing in my room?
Speaker 1:OK, so you thought you were in your room. I thought I was waking up in my bed. Ok, in my bedroom. Ok. Ok, you thought your mom was in your bedroom. Yeah, that's not right.
Speaker 2:I'm like hold up time out. When you wake up in the morning, you ain't decent yet.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't know anybody go to bed that's fully clothed and if you do, you might have something wrong with you. So, you know, I'm like wait a minute, what is mom's doing in my room? You know, like wait time out. And so I'm listening to what they're saying and they're talking about a motorcycle accident. Now they're talking about this, but they have not mentioned any names. They didn't mention where it was. They didn't mention how it happened. They're just talking about it. At least this would've never happened. It's so crazy how something like this could happen. You know stuff like that. Yeah, generalizations, and I'm like, okay, I'm getting tired of hearing this conversation about this Moses who y'all talking about. So now it's for time for them to know. Yeah, and so I would open my eyes to not be able to see anything. I said hold up. That's when I closed my eyes and did that really hard blink, did you?
Speaker 1:try to clear your eyes up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and I opened my eyes. I'm like I still can't see nothing. I'm looking around the room to be like, okay, am I in like a really dark room or something, like somebody playing games, and I don't like this, yeah, and so I go to speak. But remember, I told you my mouth was wired shut but that I was unaware of this goodness. So now I'm like I don't like this game. Whoever's playing games, I don't like it. Because I'm now about to panic. Yeah, now, now I'm feeling I'm starting to get claustrophobic and when I can say, like, literally, what nightmare on M Street is this? You know?
Speaker 1:what I mean? Yeah, are you thinking you're dreaming right now? Like are you laying there thinking you might be dreaming, or you thought you knew you were awake at this point, like fully awake At this point, I knew I was awake.
Speaker 2:Okay, I was aware I was awake, but I was under the assumption that something just wasn't right. Yeah, because I didn't open my eyes. Now I wasn't thinking about it because my eyes had been closed, because I'm trying to play sleep, and when I go to actually open my eyelids I'm like, oh duh, my eyelids seem like they still closed. I didn't have nothing taped over my eyes, because some people, when they get in accidents, they get things taped over their eyes None of that, yeah, I had none of that going on.
Speaker 2:And so I'm like now I'm trying to see, you know, feel my face and stuff. I'm like, wait a minute, ain't nothing on my face talking now? And both of them are coming to my bedside. By the way, the other person is my now an ex-girlfriend, but at the time she was, you know, significant other, and so she's on one side and my mom's on the other side. They're like what's wrong? What's wrong? And I'm like I can't talk or see. What do you mean what's wrong? But to them it's normal, because they've been watching me like this for a month. Right, I just thought it was the next day. I've missed a whole month and had no clue.
Speaker 2:So, you know, try my best to talk to her and converse with her via murmuring and it's not working. So for anybody who's never had their jaw broken and had to have a wire to keep it shut, let me explain to you what that feels like to have a wire to keep it shut. Let me explain to you what that feels like. So just imagine you know how you can close your mouth and chomp your teeth and you don't open your mouth at all. So it's just like just making that sound with your teeth. Well, guess what? You can't even do that when your mouth is wired shut. And I trust me, I try. I wanted to break the wire. I wanted to see if my jaw was strong enough to break that wire.
Speaker 2:And it wasn't, so I couldn't even try, because I was wanting to talk so bad, so badly that I was willing to damage something, you know, and so I would never wish that on anybody.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you don't even know at this point, though, like you're just figuring out that that your mouth won't open to.
Speaker 2:And listen, I'm just figuring out that I'm not at home. I'm figuring out that I don't even know what's going on. So that's the real thing, that I'm trying to figure out. What are y'all doing here? What's going on? Why can't I see? Why can't I talk? And I haven't even realized that I can't smell yet because I was breathing just fine. My trach had already been taken out, my nasal passages started to open up because they fixed everything. So at this point I'm breathing fine, so that's not a problem. Usually, when you notice you can't smell, it's because somebody's either talking about an aroma, or you smell something that's foul, or you're like man that smells good. Right, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I didn Smell something that's foul man, that smells good. Right, you know what I?
Speaker 2:mean, yeah, I didn't have no clue that I couldn't even smell. I still can't smell. By the way, that was one of those. I wish I could have got that paycheck for that doctor's visit from the ear, nose, throat person. When I asked him, hey, will I ever get my smell back? Maybe, maybe not.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thanks, I could have said that, yeah, let me get your check for that, because I could have said that you know what I'm saying. Like, come on, man. That's why I can't stand the word practice. Okay, yeah, practice medicine, what? No, you're not practicing on me. What do you do? Yeah, oh, yeah, you know what I'm saying. And so, anyway, let go back. Well, before I get on the tangent, uh, but I'm asking her the question of what is this motorcycle accident dream y'all keep talking about? I heard y'all talking about and she's like oh, that's not a dream, that was what happened to you. And so, again, she couldn't understand me when I was trying to murmur it to her. So the way she was able to get that out of me, she handed me a notepad and a pencil. I wish y'all could have seen the look I gave her.
Speaker 1:But you couldn't see Exactly Okay.
Speaker 2:Now, she didn't know yet. I can't see.
Speaker 1:Okay. So she hadn't really processed that yet.
Speaker 2:They knew, they knew I couldn't see, okay, but apparently my subconscious mind had been able to operate without me knowing. Okay, wow is exact, because people have been coming to see me. I was doing things like taking people's phone and typing stuff and giving it back to them. I couldn't see, but yet my my muscle memory was working.
Speaker 2:That's crazy yeah, they were like dude, you were only missing like one or two words the whole time. You would do that, wow, and I'm so. I have been communicating that way the whole time, apparently because I did address that. I said but I can't see, like what I'm pointing at my eyes. I'm like what are you? How am I going to write? And so she was like but you've been doing it the whole time, whole time, what, what day is it?
Speaker 1:So when you were out, like you were in a coma, you were able to do that. That's insane, wow.
Speaker 2:The mind is a powerful tool.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's crazy. So once she tells me that that happened to me that motorcycle accident was actually me I would probably go into this whole. You ever heard somebody say they sunk into the bed or it's like I hate, what a ton of bricks. There's all these cliches. Yeah, that's what happened into this whole. You ever heard somebody say they sunk into the bed or they felt like I hate, what a ton of bricks. All these cliches. Yeah, that's what happened to me. That was what happened to me. I felt like I had the weight of the world on my chest. All of that, All of it.
Speaker 2:Because I have no idea what to do with this information. Yeah, this is big no clue. Why did this happen to me? Like I told you in the beginning, I said I took all the courses, motorcycle courses. I was a safe rider. Yes, you can ask anybody I rode with. Nah, keep going. You don't do that. Yeah, and so what? Why would this happen to me? And then, so that whole rest of the June, the 6th, I didn't say anything else, I didn't write nothing, I didn't communicate with anybody. You could have came in there and stabbed me with a needle and I wouldn't have felt it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I can't imagine, because I was so far gone, so far gone, and I think it was either the next day or the day after, something like that I finally started communicating again and wanting to know more. So how did this happen? What happened? Who did it? What's going on? So my mom finally told me the story that I told you already. The guy pulled out in front of me all this stuff you had to be life flighted here to unc. That's why, that's why the hospital I was at unc, chapel hill in north carolina and so, um, and she told me everything. I'm like what? That's crazy. I'm like, oh, what day is it? She told me it was like june 7th or whatever. I'm like what. I thought it was. Just, may man listen when I tell you they had me hyped up on some drugs. It was well needed, but I was like shoo, y'all man, if you don't understand what the power of that medicine they got, yeah, y'all better realize. Y'all can miss a whole month and not know. Yeah, wow, that.
Speaker 1:Wow, that's crazy. So she tells you the story and you have to process this now and like not only processing what happened, but what happens next. Right, it's like okay, now I got to process what I just went through and where I'm at and why, and I can't talk and I can't see. And then I got to start thinking about well, now, what do I do? That's a big day, keewon, that's a big day.
Speaker 2:So I'm over here laughing because I could actually go right back to that day of when I'm sitting there thinking that. Literally, I am thinking wait a minute, I got to go to work, they're going to consider me AWOL. What's going?
Speaker 1:on. Yeah, yeah, of course, because you, you're just thinking, you're thinking regular right, my mind is literally trying to catch up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it is playing catch up at this moment. I am panicking and not panicking, panicking and not panicking. What do I do and what do I not do? I don't know what to do. Yeah, somebody help me. You know, and I'm like mom, I gotta go to work like they're gonna consider me AW. I got to go to work Like they're going to consider me an AWOL. They're going to go to jail. What now? She's like they know you're here. I was like huh, I'm like they do. And I had no clue until they finally came to visit me. And when I say they, I mean like it was like 15 of them that came up there one day, 15 of my squadron co-workers, if you would say. I mean, we don't call ourselves co-workers in the military. Yeah, 15 of my brothers and sisters-in-arms.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because there were women as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's beautiful.
Speaker 2:But listen, my mom was like well, we'll just bring like one or two in at a time. I said how many is out there? She said it's about, I don't know, 12, 13, 14. I said bring all of them in here. She's like where are they going to stay? I don't care, I want everybody in here. And that's what I said. I said I don't care, she's like Keon, you can't do this. I said bring them in here. And I meant that thing because I want every last one of y'all in my room, because I wanted to show them how much I cared about them, even if it would have get me kicked out of this hospital. It does not matter, y'all care that much. I want to show y'all how much I care. That's nice, that's beautiful.
Speaker 2:And they really helped out when it came to me having to move out of my apartment as well, because I lived in Durham and Durham, north Carolina, and the base Seymour Johnson Air Force Base is located in Goldsboro, north Carolina, and if you drive it's about an hour, 15, hour and a half, depending on how you drive, or whatever. Yeah, yeah, excuse me, and traffic as well. And so they would bring basically those same, that same amount of people about 15 to my apartment. When my lease came to and we're not like so I guess they had communicated saying oh yeah, we'll see if we can get a couple guys they didn't say how many we'll see if we can get a couple guys to come help you guys out.
Speaker 2:You know, in another little department they didn't say how many they had a line of trucks, uh, trailers, like everything. Oh yeah, no, don't worry, don't worry, trust me, we'll be there. How many, I don't know who's to say. They come up there and I lived on the third floor. Okay, they unloaded, so took everything out of my apartment and loaded it on every truck trailer that they had in 30 minutes From the third floor.
Speaker 1:Now, yeah, they knew what they was doing, they handled it.
Speaker 2:Yes, I mean I have to preface this by saying I didn't just do in-flight refueling, but my plane we also carry cargo, so we knew how to cargo load.
Speaker 1:Okay, so you have the cargo load crew loading you. That's awesome. So where did they move you to? Where did they have to move you to?
Speaker 2:They moved everything to the storage at my grandmother's house, oh yeah, and some to the bedroom that I would be standing at my grandmother's house okay, like my bed and my dressers and clothes and stuff like that. Okay, yeah, okay, yeah. So they, those guys, are shout out to the since air refueling squadron at seymour john Air Force Base. You guys rock.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, absolutely. Thank you guys for all you do. It's beautiful. So tell me, you get to grandma's house and you have a room now, right?
Speaker 2:I'm back to my bed, my sweet bed. I was missing it so much, and I'm going to tell y'all why because hospital beds suck, yeah Well, especially that long.
Speaker 1:Oh they are terrible, especially that long.
Speaker 2:Yes, that long I had been in it like literally, you know, bed ridden. So my body has now lost all the muscle it had. When I first, you know, had my accident, I was probably weighing somewhere in between 185 and 190.
Speaker 2:But this was like muscle, you know. And so when I had my accident, I'm maybe 140, 150 now. Yeah, because I lost all my muscle yeah, I mean all of it, trust me, I'm skin and bone. I'm feeling myself like I didn't even know I had that bone, like that's what I mean. I didn't know I had that bone. You know that kind of thing.
Speaker 2:And so, um, I'm back at grandma's house and I couldn't wait to touch my bed. I felt and I wrote this in the book I felt like I levitated from that wheelchair into my bed Because I was so anxious, I was so ready to get in there. When I tell you, I probably didn't move for the rest of the day, except to wake up, eat something and take that medicine for that night and go right back to sleep yeah, I did not. And use the bathroom, I did not move yeah, I didn't want to. So I would listen. Today is my day. Tomorrow y'all could come bother me, but today is my day. Yeah, yeah, don't touch me unless I need to be touched. You know one of those things. Yeah, there's like we just want to check in, are you okay? I'm fine, go right back to sleep.
Speaker 1:So you're now I mean you're a grown man, so you've had your own place all this time, and now you're moving to grandma's house. So that's an adjustment, right? That's a whole thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:For you and for her right For both of you.
Speaker 2:No, don't get me wrong, granny, she didn't care. Grandma did not. It did not bother her. She lived by herself, so it did not bother her. She had a three-bedroom house. It was not bothering her, it's wonderful.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's wonderful, and I don't mean to say that you were a bother, it's just an adjustment. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Now for me it wasn't a adjustment it.
Speaker 2:It wasn't a chest, yeah, it might not have messed with her, but I was one of those people, like you know, like and I'm not to say that she was bothersome, it was just like what I've been on my own, you know, kind of doing my own thing for these past six and a half, almost seven years now. So you know, like now I got to go revert back to how I used to live with you know, my mom and stuff. Yeah, how I used to live with you know my mom and stuff.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't like this, that's hard, but it was so much, it was like very much, so needed because I could. At that time I couldn't walk. I was still learning how to do that and getting stronger in that I could not feed myself because I didn't know how to cook yet without sight. Clothing myself, nope. Couldn't bathe myself Nope, because I was not physically capable. Yet With all those surgeries, especially my back, I can barely, can you know, I can still barely, you know, move all the way down like I want to, or like I used to. Shall I say yeah, so I still am able to dress myself? Don't get me wrong, it's still still. It's just a struggle. Like it's not easy. Like I told you before we got on the call, if you would have saw me at church, you know, wait for you clean, I would say yeah, but it took about 30 to 30, 30 or 40 minutes to put this up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, that's because it's not easy. Yeah, yeah, man, but yeah, so you had to relearn pretty much to do everything again. Oh yeah, did you have to relearn to talk, or just when the job came?
Speaker 2:It was more so learning how to enunciate, because my jaw being broken plus being wide shut for over a month, a little over a month, your jaw muscles, they shrink, they don't move because you haven't been moving, so they just go to a fixed spot. So now it's time for me to go back to opening my mouth. Instead of hey, can you guys help me? You see how my mouth is not moving as much, yeah, yeah, that's kind of what I was doing, talking with my tongue, mainly yeah. So I had to go use this apparatus that they gave me and you insert it into your mouth, you bite on it with your teeth and drop you. First you open your mouth as wide as you can and then you squeeze this handle and it opens it even further until you just can't stretch it anymore. All right, listen, I look, I ain't gonna say I didn't like that thing, but I didn't like that thing I don't think I would like that thing either.
Speaker 1:That doesn't sound fun at all damn listen, listen.
Speaker 2:I'm not gonna say I did'm not going to say I did not like that thing, but I did not like that thing Because it was just, it wasn't that.
Speaker 2:It was like, okay, it was kind of painful Because, again, you're stretching your jaw muscles yeah for sure, and it's literally like any other stretch you do, but now I've never felt this on my jaw, so it's kind of different. You know it's unique, yeah for it. It's unique, yeah for sure, but that was what I had to do and it also helped me with eating, because if my mouth is only opening this much, if I try to take a bite of a sandwich.
Speaker 2:I'm kind of like sideways or shoving it in my mouth. I can't eat a big burger.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and all that. Yeah, gosh, I'm glad that you're explaining this, because the things that we just take for granted every day because our bodies work, you know what I mean. So we don't take for granted how they work or what would happen if this happened, or anything like that. And until you don't know, until you know right. And that's a hell of a way to learn, isn't it?
Speaker 2:You know, and it's funny you say it, but as soon as you said it, what came to mind was I play sports. I, as soon as you said it, what came to mind was I played sports. I rode dirt bikes. I have done some daredevilish stunts when I was a kid and never broke a bone, never Even like. The worst scar I've ever had was right below my bottom lip Because me and my brother were wrestling one day. He's bigger than me and he fell on me. It wasn't because of me, it was because of him. And so my bottom teeth kind of protruded into my lip not completely through, but a little bit, you know what I mean. And so of course now I'm bleeding everywhere, but anyway, that was the worst thing that ever happened to me. Oh, I'm sorry, I take that back. I did get shot by a BB gun Me too. Yeah, was it airsoft, though?
Speaker 1:No, when my brother I hope my brother listens to this, because we still talk about it today he shot me in the heart. Jesus Brother.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Brother.
Speaker 1:Right, I was little, I was probably like four and he shot me in the heart, no particular reason, yeah, and so today we talk about it like four and he shot me in the heart, no particular reason. Um, yeah, just uh. And so, like you know, today yeah, today, we talk about it like like I could have killed you, like it could have took your eye, but but when we're kids, you know what I mean. He was where you're going. When ever someone says they got shot with a bb gun, I'm like yep, I know that yeah, so.
Speaker 2:So mine was this guy. I think he had a rifle, the rifle bb gun, yes, oh. God so those are pretty strong.
Speaker 1:Yes, and he shot.
Speaker 2:I was trying to run away from him and I was in his house and he shot it and it bounced, ricocheted off the wall and hit me right up under my right eye and I was like, so you know how you get hit and you're just like wait a minute, yeah, yeah, what was that? Yeah, and then you feel this, this sting, yeah, it's like my face. Yeah, that's what I did. And then I went into the bathroom to look in the mirror. Why did I do that?
Speaker 1:yeah, because I am scared.
Speaker 2:Yeah, then you're scared, I'm just bleeding right down my face like why he shot me. And now they tripping out because hey, don't tell your mom, please don't tell your mom, please don't tell your mom, I said you shot me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but anyway I still say that you shot me yeah.
Speaker 2:But those were the worst things that had ever happened to me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so this is pretty bad.
Speaker 2:And then one freaking day May 5th 2017, I have one accident, literally from head to toe, on brand new Wow, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:What is your? Let's talk about your mindset. What is your mindset like at this time, now that you're having to relearn right, relearn, walk, relearn, talk, relearn how to cook, clean, dress everything. Where is your mindset right now? How are you feeling about life in general?
Speaker 2:Well, it kind of started in the hospital. First I was. You know, we took that victimized mentality when something happens to you, Sure, and we talk about the why me. This is where the title came from of my book. Don't focus on why me, Absolutely so. I will be in the hospital, and one of the rare times that I was there by myself because usually somebody's in that room whether it's mom, dad, sister, brother, friends, family, church members, nurses, doctors somebody's in there, physical therapists, occupational therapists there was somebody bothering me. Oh gosh, yeah, I would not like that. Listen, Jesus, it was like around the clock. When do you do it?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that would be hard for me really. That would be something no seriously. Yeah, it's not the best place to. If you won't sleep, don't go to the hospital. Yeah, not the hospitals. They can wake you up, to give you sleeping meds, to go back to sleep. You're like, wait a minute.
Speaker 2:I'm already asleep.
Speaker 2:So it was beginning there, because I'm doing this victimized mentality of questioning why me, why me, why did this happen to me? Yeah, what would make you choose me for this to happen to? And after I finally shut up and listened to the answer he had, god would come in my room and say, well, why not you? At first, I'm looking around that room like I can see first off, and secondly I'm looking around that room like, no, ain't nobody else in here. So where'd that come from? Wow, yeah.
Speaker 2:So that was the first thing that came to me, because he started to reveal things that I would do with my eyes either closed or lights off, or even taking me back to childhood, when you know you play, tag outside, hide and seek and stuff like that. And it was dark. I was listen on my block when it was dark time. I was the best thing smoking. I am not lying and you can see me, but others can't. I am not dark skinned. I'm not that dark skinned.
Speaker 2:So it wasn't like I was. You know, blending. You know what I mean. No, I was just very good, I could see you. My night vision was mean. Okay, I was like I had night vision goggles on. Wow, cool. But I was like really good at it. So he was like you have the capabilities, you have the abilities, and he said. The other thing he said was you're not the only one that's blind in this world. And that was when I got out of the victimized mentality, because I was like here you go trying to make a point. I don't know how y'all do, but I talk to God like he's my best friend. Yeah, that's how I do too.
Speaker 1:It's like did you really just say that to me right now? Right, that's kind of my conversation. It's like did you really just say that? So I think I mentioned to you that my dad became legally blind in his 40s with glaucoma Wow, and I hadn't seen. I left home when I was 17 and I hadn't seen him, I don't know. He came to see me. I was probably 24, 25. I don't know exactly and he got off the plane with my mom and he had a cane and he's walking and I'm like I couldn't.
Speaker 1:It was. I knew that his eyesight was bad, I knew that he was going blind, you know. But it was that moment of processing that I was like what the hell? It was real weird. It was a really weird took me back moment. I know I stood there and probably just stared at him for a minute. I was like, okay, that's where we're at and it just it really. It really was like a shakeup call, not a wake up, but a shakeup Cause. Like I knew, like I said, that he was blind, but I hadn't seen it. Yeah, so it was. It was really a different kind of moment. So I can imagine for some of the people in your life too. That was very sudden. So to now, yeah, now you're blind. Yeah, it's like what in the hell?
Speaker 2:Listen, I've got one story to give you. It was when they called my oldest brother and told him I could tell you the one about my mom, but I'm sure you already know what's going to happen with that one. But this is now. Let's talk about siblings. He lives in Jacksonville, florida, and again, I live in Durham, north Carolina, so we're states away.
Speaker 2:I just saw this man a month prior because he just got married and I was in the wedding. So all these fond memories, beautiful pictures, again, photography Right, Me and this other guy collabed on the photography, and I mean when I say we had some amazing candid shots. Yeah, him and I. Yeah Him and I, yeah. And I'm sure you ever heard how somebody moments flash in your memory. I'm sure this is what happened to him. So they call him it's nighttime. Dude. At first wasn't answering the phone, but eventually he answers, right, because it was a Friday, cinco de Mayo, hear me clearly. And his wife is, you know, latinx, I think is what you called. And so they of course, celebrate. They're all having a ball, you know.
Speaker 2:And so he's on a drive. This is from what I was told. He was driving on the bridge, in one of the many bridges in Jacksonville, it's like three or four of them, I can't remember. And so he gets the phone call and answers the phone and say hey, ronnie, we just want to let you know that Kiwan was in a motorcycle accident and he's in critical condition. Well, my brother would let go of the steering wheel. Thankfully his wife was in the car because she was like Ronnie, ronnie. And then she grabs the steering wheel to keep the car on the road. Hear me clearly. I just told you he's on a bridge now. Yeah.
Speaker 1:On a bridge. Yeah, he's a little in shock, you know.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. Yeah, wow, shock is probably an understatement. Yeah, he's probably trying to leave his body to get to the hospital right now. Yeah, absolutely. And that was the first thing of course he did was, you know, make his way towards North Carolina. So when they told me that story, I'll tell you what it did to me. How I felt was all he wanted to do was be there to protect me because he's my oldest brother, absolutely, you know, and that's all I can think of.
Speaker 2:Well, I was not there to protect him. I don't even want to know what happened. I don't want to want to know what he looks like right now. All you can think is the worst, because, if I tell you, somebody just had a motorcycle accident and they're in critical condition.
Speaker 1:Motorcycles, we all know most people don't even make it. I've heard it many times. Kiwan, I told you I was a motorcycle rider, motorcycle club, whole situation.
Speaker 2:So I've heard it many times, yeah.
Speaker 1:Motorcycle accident critical condition. I've had one myself. You're right, you either don't make it or it's pretty bad yeah.
Speaker 2:I was just talking to someone on a podcast that's in Florida as well and he said he just went down to, I believe, orlando or something. He was driving back up, went past Daytona Beach seeing some EMTs and just asking them hey, how's the week been going for you guys, has it been crazy? He said yep, we've got four deaths already.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Daytona, that's a crazy, crazy time down there.
Speaker 2:That's from bikers alone.
Speaker 1:Yeah, daytona bikers, we've got four deaths already.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh yeah Not uncommon. I'm like dude, I will never get on a motorcycle without him. Yeah, what in God's name would possess you?
Speaker 1:I never rode with a helmet until later on in adult, when they made it mandatory. I never rode a helmet, never in California, never had a helmet.
Speaker 2:I couldn't do it and it's crazy.
Speaker 1:I mean, I look back on it now it's crazy, Right, but then it was normal, you know just life, yeah, so that was one of those stories that really stuck with me.
Speaker 2:You know, just, life, yeah, so that was one of those stories that really stuck with me. I mean, of course, the one about my mom. When she got it, she was in Walmart. When she got the phone call from the base and they told her where I was and she, literally her and my stepdad were in Walmart. She took off running.
Speaker 2:He's like, well, hey, where you going? She's like we gotta go, come on. He's like we just got here. She was like we gotta go, you know, and so he's like all right, whatever. So he's following behind her. They get in the car, he's driving, and she's like all right. And he's like where are we going? Like he's like I don't know anything, I'm just a driver right now. I was like what? She's like, yeah, they say he's in ICU. We got to go. And so now she's trying to find all these other phone numbers Call my grandma, call this person, call that person.
Speaker 2:You know so when I tell you the the news, it's so heavy on a lot of people. Yeah, goodness, because all they know about me is military business, making the dean's list in college. You know, that's all I ever did was make the dean's list. I didn't do anything less. I had a. I had a 3.87 gpa when I had my motorcycle accident and all you see is all you see is good things that I post on on social media. So when you hear a key one, or got a, now a motorcycle, I guys, hey, which key one. They're like that's all. Everybody was thinking which key one? Yeah, and they like funny key one. That's what everybody called me funny key one. If you knew me back in school. They're like what, nah, you know, like nobody believed it at first it's hard to accept that.
Speaker 1:You know, it's really hard to accept that, and it's so sudden for everybody else, even though you've been dealing with it. Now, when you're hearing about it, it's sudden, you know. Goodness, that's a lot. So look, go back to tell me. Tell me about where you were at. Mindset wise, though, how are you thinking? You know, my life is obviously different now, right, oh?
Speaker 2:yeah, with the mindset thing, it was just about, like you said, what I do now, because if I just sit here and dwell on the fact of what I lost, I'm never going to move forward. Right, right, my thought process is don't focus on what you can't do, focus on what you can do. That's right. That's right. So it was about do I still have the capability of getting up? I do, okay, let's see if we can make this a little bit stronger day by day. If I still had a capability of moving my legs, okay, let's make these a little bit stronger day by day. And to the point where now I literally go to the gym and I post videos. I try to post them, you know, at least once a week or once every other week, and it's not to show off, it's to show, yeah, absolutely Absolutely, from what people will see me on social media.
Speaker 2:When you saw me in the hospital barely taking steps, to now I'm out here squatting over 225 pounds on my back Good for you. I'm benching over 225 pounds off my chest. I'm dead lifting over 225 pounds from the floor. Listen, hey, hey, when I tell you I never thought I would be back there, and now I'm doing way better. I'm exceeding. It's so impressive when you sit, because I'll sit back once I get done with my workout and I'll just sit on the floor. When I'm sitting on the floor, it's not because I'm tired, I mean it might be.
Speaker 2:But, it's not because I'm tired I mean it might be but it's also because I'm just wanting to reflect yeah, no, kidding, how far I've come. Heck, yes, heck, yes. So my mindset was always just to keep growing.
Speaker 1:I love that you say don't focus on what you can't do. Focus on what you can do. That's absolutely correct, and I do think people do get caught up in focusing on what they can't do. Focus on what you can do. That's absolutely correct, and I do think you know people do get caught up in focusing on what they can't do in life, right, yeah, and if you can be that voice to let people and remind people, you know if I can make this change in my life, you can too. I think that's huge. Yeah, you know how someone could be smiling when they are faced with all of this on a consistent basis. I know that's part of in your book. You know how do you keep that smile? How do you keep going? How do you? You know just how do you? Right you were able to focus on. Let me challenge myself to see what I can do now.
Speaker 2:Do love accepting challenges.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it does. You know everything that you had done in your life prior. Obviously, you were a guy that took on some extreme challenges, right, you excelled in everything that you did, and so I think that that's so awesome that you said you know, God came to me and said because you have the capabilities, yeah. And you listened, you listened.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:You listened and you were able to put that mind over matter you know, and that's pretty amazing. That's pretty awesome what they can do right now for granted my whole thought process was finding out who am I?
Speaker 2:yes, like what's left. Yeah, since I, since I don't want to focus on what I can't do, let me see what I can. If I can make that better, let me do it. Yeah, that's awesome. Push forward, strive for, for better, that's awesome. Don't just strive for well. Well, I guess I'll do it. No, I'm trying to be better. I have done so many different things and I don't know if I've broken all this down to you before, but I'll do it now.
Speaker 2:From literally traveling the country by myself Okay, this is without my mom, without family, whatever. I will jump on a plane by myself. Good for you, and I will coordinate all you gotta do coordinate with the airline that you're flying with, coordinate with tsa cares. Hear me clearly, that's why I say that word tsa cares, because that's a separate entity and within tsa, okay, and and every main airport should have that. Now, these smaller airports, they really don't have the capabilities, but the bigger airports usually do, and then they'll help you. They'll assist you through. You know, the security stuff. You know if you, if you have to go to the restroom, you just ask one of the gate agents, they'll. They'll call somebody to get somebody over there to assist you. Or if you want something to eat, they'll call somebody over there to get somebody to assist you. You know, it's just. If you have the mindset to get something done, it can be because the resources are out there, absolutely, absolutely, not just to travel.
Speaker 2:What am I traveling for? You wanted to know, I knew it, I knew it. So I'm flying to Stowe, vermont, to go to a ski resort and do downhill skiing. Yes, as a visually impaired man, not just that, I was also doing rock climbing. Oh goodness, yeah, I've shot an archery, I've shot an air rifle, I've shot or done rowing. What else have I done? Power lifting For you? Putt done rowing. What else have I done? Powerlifting, putt discus, I mean tandem cycling, bowling.
Speaker 1:So you challenge yourself to just keep on going and whatever I can do, Listen.
Speaker 2:I'm trying myself at challenging myself every day. Like I told y'all, I'm a musician. I play the drums. I've been playing those since I was seven and I went to church today and I played them again today and when I tell you I was wearing them things out, Somebody was like after church, you like, man, what you was doing on that one song, that was tight I love that.
Speaker 1:I love that, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Like I learned the P and I just picked up on a keyboard the piano. I just started learning that in the pandemic October of 2020. So it's not even about the fact that I learned the drums before I lost my sight, I just started learning the keyboard. That's awesome. You know what I'm saying. So it's all mindset. Mind over matter.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. You know I work in the world of addiction and recovery and you know it's not much different, because what happens is people will sit around and think about all their past and the things they've done and get in their head and I can't do this and I can't do that, and nobody's going to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah Right, instead of focusing on what they can do Right. And that's why this was so important to me, kiwan, is because I know everybody's not seeing you right now, but I am. And just from our first conversation, when you were talking to me and I could tell your mindset was pretty strong, right, you got a pretty strong mindset and you always have, you always have that's not new, right your mindset. You've always had that.
Speaker 1:But I can imagine, I really can't imagine, I'm trying to imagine, you know, being that person when you were telling me the story of waking up and you know someone's in your room and you're thinking mom's in my bedroom, like what the heck? You know, I'm trying to put myself in that place and I could feel the anxiety of that. You know what I mean. I feel that, gosh, what would you think, what would you do? What would you? What would be next. You know, and I could feel the anxiety and the weight of that for you. I mean, I just I can't imagine.
Speaker 1:You handled it. You handled it. That's what you did. You handled it Exactly, exactly. It's amazing. It's amazing. So what are you doing now? Like, what is? I know you have your shirt, amy Motivation, right? I'm looking at your shirt. I love that logo, by the way. That's awesome. Thank you, did you Very nice, yeah, did so. What does Amy Motivation do? How can I help you? Because I'm going to put your book link is going to be on the show notes, so I'm going to link everybody to your book. And again, you got to remember I'm Joe Summers, not Joe Rogan, so it's not quite the same amount of people that are going to be seeing this. I wish you had the following Help me out.
Speaker 2:Kiwan, Help me out. We're praying for you.
Speaker 1:Thank you, it's getting there. It's getting there, but you know, I want to put those things and I want to put Amy Motivation on there. And what does Amy Motivation do?
Speaker 2:Absolutely so, amy. Motivation. You know I'm here to inspire others, and not just off of my story, but to use my story as a tool for others to gain motivation and inspiration from, to show them that, even though something happens to you, that's not the end of you. Make that the beginning of the new you. That's beautiful.
Speaker 1:That's beautiful. I love it. I'll be using this story tomorrow in group Kiwan.
Speaker 2:I'll be reminding them.
Speaker 1:Focus on what you can do, not what you can't. You know, um, yeah, that's, that's really beautiful. I'm I am, uh, very happy for you that that is your mindset and that you were able to, um, you know, because a lot of people would have maybe went about that different. You know, I could see that going a whole lot different direction. Yeah, was there ever a time that that was a thing for you? Was there ever a depression or anything like that for you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, just you read that book, you'll understand. It's a chapter in there titled Depression, set In that's the name of the chapter. Okay, then after that one is, I think, suicidal thoughts, absolutely, because not only did I have depression, I did have suicidal thoughts. So you'll hear all about it and you'll also be able to see how I fought my way out of it.
Speaker 1:That's what I want to. Can you give us maybe a? What do you think from depression and suicidal thoughts? What do you think if you can pinpoint something that might have brought you up out of that thought process?
Speaker 2:The first thing that most people do when they're depressed or suicidal they isolate.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely, absolutely.
Speaker 2:That's the one thing you don't want to do. Absolutely, because, as the saying goes, an idle mind is the devil's playground. Absolutely, because, as the saying goes, an idle mind is the devil's playground Absolutely. So when you're isolated, your mind is just going through all these thousands of thoughts by itself, and these thoughts can get bad very quickly, and that's usually how people do it, how they commit suicide. I've actually told a story of a young man that I did not know. He committed suicide, but I walked past him because I thought he was sleeping in his car on his lunch break, but at that time he had committed suicide, had no idea until the next day when we were briefed about it. This was when I was in the Air Force, by the way.
Speaker 1:Well, you don't know this about me, but my ex-husband committed suicide no-transcript.
Speaker 2:Look for the signs, the flags, the isolation when they want to do nothing but be alone. Absolutely Get away from me. You know sitting in darkness, that's another one.
Speaker 1:That's addiction as well. I mean that's addiction as well. You're only as sick as your secrets. So when you sit in the dark with your secrets, that's what happens.
Speaker 2:So yeah, Now I will say don't poke too hard, because these people could be, you know, literally fighting some serious demons. Yeah, you don't want that demon to come back on you, you know Absolutely. But what I will say is just do your best not to leave them alone. Try to see if there's some way you can help. Can I be of assistance? I'll just hold your hand, literally, you don't have to say anything, I can just hold your hand and just sit here with you. You know stuff like that, because people think that I got to, I got to be a sound boy, I got to be like your therapist. No, you don't.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you just got to be there.
Speaker 2:All I needed was just a person to be there with me. Yeah, I can feel your presence, yeah, yeah, you know what I mean, and that was one of the biggest things even when I was in the hospital, when people kept coming to see me, mood would just skyrocket and I'm like, yes, somebody's here, Somebody's here to see me. That means they care. You know what I mean, and so I advocate for that very, very heavily Please go see somebody. If you know somebody that is in a situation, it does not have to be as bad as mine. They could have been in there because they had bunion surgery. Okay, you know what I mean. Yeah, but they still need somebody to bring them some food.
Speaker 1:Keeping some spirits up, keeping spirits up. Bring me some.
Speaker 2:Bojangles, please, you know, bring them their favorite food, their favorite candy, whatever it is their favorite. You know how people love Pepsi. Like it's going out of style, bring them a Pepsi.
Speaker 1:Anything, I didn't have to be big. Right, didn't have to be big.
Speaker 2:That's the one thing. What was it? Somebody brought me when I was in the hospital and I wrote about this in my book I'm a drummer, right, they didn't bring me a whole drum set, no, no, they brought me a drum pad, a small donut of a drum pad and some drumsticks. I like it. I was like a kid in a candy store. Yeah, yeah, I was in there teaching nurses, doctors, physical therapists. I was teaching everybody how to play.
Speaker 1:I love that, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:That's all you need, just little small things, small acts of kindness.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely Right. We don't have enough of that, do we? Small acts of kindness? You know one of my sayings I have a lot of sayings, kiwan, but one of them is you know, you never know what someone's going through. Always just be kind. It doesn't cost anything. Just be kind, right.
Speaker 2:Gosh, man, that is a huge one. First off and it makes me think of one that I said on a podcast Somebody might be talking to you all the time about the same situation that they're going through. It's probably because nobody else is listening or they're not answering. You're the only one who will answer, right. So what's to say? That when you don't answer that one day, that's the day they end it all?
Speaker 1:You're absolutely right, kiwon, and I won't get into the story, but yeah, that's kind of a situation.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I get that.
Speaker 2:They just want to listen and hear. Yeah, does it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Well, I want, like I said, I'm going to put your book link in the show notes and I can't wait to read it myself. I I said I'm going to put your book link in the show notes and I can't wait to read it myself. I have read excerpts of it. I haven't read the whole book.
Speaker 1:There's definitely been some lines that have caught my attention, which is why you're on here today, awesome, awesome, and I really, really appreciate you coming and sharing in your journey and sharing your. You know just your strength, sharing your strength today, I think you know. Think in addiction, another one of the lines is connection is the opposite of addiction, right, and we've got to stay connected and I think that's so true with, just like you said, a situation Somebody could be hurt, somebody could need someone, somebody could be depressed, someone could be. You know that depression moved over to being suicidal. Connection, right, connection, if we're willing get connected. I think that's the big thing here. And so thank you so much, kiwan, for sharing today. And is there anything else that you would just like to, any parting words you would like to leave me and anyone who may be listening today with?
Speaker 2:Absolutely, since you know you deal with people who you know have addiction. I won't say problems, I would say they have addiction concerns.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Concerns or disease yes.
Speaker 2:Yes, and so what I will leave with them and something I use all the time is what you're going through doesn't define who you are. You define who you are Absolutely, so you can beat that addiction and make that label not stick. So that's just something I'll leave with them as a nugget.
Speaker 1:I love that. Thank you for that. Turning your mess into a message, I love that. Yeah, and that's beautiful and powerful. And thank you so much for today, kiwan, I appreciate you. I appreciate your time on a Sunday and just spending some time with me and sharing your hope and courage, your strength. Thank you so much for that, yeah.
