Part 2- Andrew "Drew" Reyes-Rebuilding Life: A Recovery Journey Through Community and Solution

The road to recovery is rarely a straight line. In this intimate conversation with Drew Reyes, now approaching his one-year sobriety date, we dive deeper into what sustainable recovery actually looks like day-to-day.

After sharing his powerful testimony of addiction and homelessness in our previous episode, Drew returns to discuss his recent move to a sober living house and the game-changing power of community in recovery. "Isolation is not the goal," Drew explains, revealing how living with others who share his commitment to sobriety provides the accountability and brotherhood he needs to thrive.

Drew eloquently articulates what many in early recovery discover: "If you don't submit under something, then life's going to submit you." This wisdom highlights how the structure he once avoided—meetings, curfews, and accountability—now provides the framework for his healing. Far from being restrictive, these boundaries create the space where real change happens.

We explore the profound importance of emotional healing, particularly for men who've been conditioned to suppress feelings. Through breathwork and vulnerability, Drew is learning to process emotions rather than numb them. His insights on rebuilding integrity through small, daily actions offer practical wisdom for anyone on a healing journey: "The more you practice integrity, the stronger it gets."

Drew's perspective on sober living challenges common misconceptions. It's not jail or punishment—it's a supportive community where people check in with each other, share struggles, and celebrate victories together. His description of the brotherhood he's found reminds us that recovery happens in connection, not isolation.

For anyone considering structured recovery support or wanting to understand how recovery works beyond the initial decision to get sober, this conversation offers hope, practical wisdom, and a window into the daily practices that make transformation possible. Join us as Drew shares the solution he's found in community, accountability, and embracing the sometimes messy process of becoming whole again.

Chapters

• 0:00 Introducing Drew's Continuing Journey
• 4:56 The Transition to Sober Living
• 11:18 Structure and Accountability in Recovery
• 18:07 The Importance of Integrity and Follow-Through
• 24:47 Emotional Healing Through Breathwork
• 33:35 Creating a Recovery Community
• 42:15 Leadership in Recovery Spaces

Transcript

Speaker 1: 1:12

Good morning and welcome to Breakfast of Choices Life Stories of Transformation From Rock Bottom to Rock Solid. I am here again this morning with my guest, drew Reyes. Last episode I had Drew on and he shared amazing, amazing testimony of his life. It was the journey of addiction, homelessness, redemption and unexpected grace. And Drew has quite a life story and quite a life journey. And as we got to the end of it, drew was getting ready to go to an AA meeting and after the episode we talked a little bit. And something that's really important to share about our journeys is also what works for us, what we call the solution. Right, we always share in the 12 steps. We share hope, strength and encouragement, but it's important to share the journey and it's important to share the solution. So I've got Drew back on today and we're going to do a little part two and kind of talk to Drew about what's going on right now with him he's had some changes and what is working for him. Hey, drew.

Speaker 2: 2:15

Hey, how's it going.

Speaker 1: 2:16

It is going awesome. How are you doing?

Speaker 2: 2:18

Good, doing good, just living life. I'm actually moved into a sober house now. Back in there, getting into the groove.

Speaker 1: 2:26

I love that.

Speaker 2: 2:27

Yeah. So yeah, I'm back in there just getting into a groove of things. I've got chores now and going to meetings every day, just living life. It's a whole lot better definitely a whole lot better here, because I'm in a structured environment. I was recovering in my parents' house, you know, and it was kind of it was. It was good while it lasted, but I think it's time for this next phase of my life.

Speaker 1: 2:49

Yeah, and that can be a little isolating too, right.

Speaker 2: 2:52

Definitely.

Speaker 1: 2:53

We need some community when we're in recovery and I can imagine for you that could have been a little isolating.

Speaker 2: 2:58

Yeah, for sure, especially being.

Speaker 1: 3:02

I'm really glad to hear you're back at Better Together. Great, great people over there Shout out Blake. Yeah, you got some good people surrounding you, and that's what it's all about, right.

Speaker 2: 3:11

Definitely, definitely, yeah. Being in Yukon is about a 20-minute drive from the city to here. That was kind of rough too. I can't drive right now, so yeah, that was another hurdle. I could make my one-hour meeting a day, but that was basically all the community I had.

Speaker 1: 3:30

Yeah, yeah, and that can be, like I said, really, really tough and isolating, and that is not what we need when we're in recovery. Right, isolation is not the goal.

Speaker 2: 3:40

For sure.

Speaker 1: 3:42

Yeah, so tell us a little bit about what is working for you, what's been working for you, and you know ups and downs of recovery, right, there's ups, there's downs. There's setbacks, there's setups for the comeback.

Speaker 2: 3:55

Right.

Speaker 1: 3:56

Where are you at now and what's?

Speaker 2: 3:58

okay, so I'm at 11 months sober, I'm about to hit my, my, my sober birthday almost. Yeah, yeah, um, you know, I guess before, when I was at south coast, I got my, I got my recovery with my job, right.

Speaker 1: 4:16

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 4:18

But I also went to meetings every day, was working the steps and all that. But the job was a big part of my recovery because I was helping the clients, you know, through their struggles. You know we'd go out for for a break and I'd sit down with them and they'd be struggling with something and we have little breakthroughs outside, which was, I mean, the exchange was reciprocal, like I would get, they would get some recovery out of that and it was also a good thing for me. It was always.

Speaker 1: 4:46

I absolutely understand that.

Speaker 2: 4:48

It's an amazing thing for me. I remember one conversation I had with this woman. She said you know, I can't imagine what it would be like in heaven. And I told her you know, have you ever looked at the ocean? You know how it takes your breath away. So if you could imagine heaven or eternity, right, can you just imagine like the ocean is finite, it's a finite substance, like there's an end to it, but eternity, something that's just forever, that doesn't stop. I can't imagine how that would feel.

Speaker 1: 5:23

That gave me chills.

Speaker 2: 5:25

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 5:27

That's a lot to think about. The ocean, that's my spot right, that's my place, that's my happy place and you look at it and it does take you, it takes you away, right takes you kind of to another place and makes you realize how small we are in this world. But talking about eternity, yeah yeah, you imagine.

Speaker 2: 5:45

So I'm like I think that's one of my biggest, I guess, desires, but at the same time it's a fear. It's one of my biggest fears I have is looking at eternity. It's just a big, vast like thing and I'm just like wow.

Speaker 1: 6:02

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 6:03

Undescribable thing.

Speaker 1: 6:05

Like unimaginable, undescribable fear of the unknowing right.

Speaker 2: 6:08

Definitely, definitely. But yeah, so I got my recovery out of having those breakthroughs with the clients outside, definitely, recovery out of having those breakthroughs with the clients outside, definitely. You know, I'd be working outside in the back where the volleyball court, and we'd have the males come out and they'd be like, hey, can I help you? And I'm like no, you're detoxing from something. If I let you I wanted them to help me If I let you help me, I'll get in trouble. I can't put you to work and do my job. And then the females would come out and they would come out struggling with something.

Speaker 2: 6:42

And I realized you know what it's. Because I mean us guys like that's our purpose, right, like we, our purpose is to work. So when you're stuck in a facility, you get that taken away from you. You can't, you can't really have a job. You get that taken away from you. You can't, you can't really have a job. And and it was like clockwork, the guys would come out and they want, always want to. They were always wanting to help me. I'm like no, work on your recovery while you're here and then when you get out, you could work.

Speaker 1: 7:08

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 7:09

Right, there's time for that.

Speaker 1: 7:10

Yeah, there's time.

Speaker 2: 7:12

Definitely, and the females would come out. And I noticed the biggest problem was the families. You know their kids and I'm like you know what that's. Their purpose in life is to be mothers, is to nurture, to take care, and that's pretty much like how it went, like it's just their purpose. And I'd tell them you know, right now, focus on yourself. I'd give them the analogy, the oxygen mask analogy, you know.

Speaker 1: 7:41

Yeah. You know, it's just I guess you gotta save yourself first right.

Speaker 2: 7:45

Definitely when you get on a plane and the lady tells you oxygen mask. If we get a decrease in cabin pressure and the oxygen mask falls, make sure to put yours on first and then help the person next to you.

Speaker 1: 8:00

Absolutely yeah.

Speaker 2: 8:02

And I mean a lot of the women there. They wanted to go home to their kids, or they'd be. You know they'd get these phone calls. It was always the phone that was taking them away.

Speaker 1: 8:10

Yes, yes Right.

Speaker 2: 8:13

But yeah. So so they get a phone call and be like I want to go home to my baby, Like something's going on and I'm like it's OK, You're here for 30 to 90 days. Take care of your recovery. Put your oxygen mask on first, and then you'll be able to take care of them better.

Speaker 2: 8:29

Absolutely, absolutely, and those moments were so rewarding for me. But yeah, I go to meetings every day and I'd get my steps with my sponsor. But now it's a little different. I'm not working, so I have to kind of have a new game plan. I guess you could say I can't get it the way I used to get it and I've realized just sharing at a meeting or just being of service, signing the papers for people you know, serving coffee if I can, it was my way of filling that void that I couldn't. You know that I was program, which is working the steps and finding out my character, defects and stuff like that. But more, I think, for me was and is still doing service work, being of service. That was always super beneficial for me. But yeah.

Speaker 1: 9:36

So now that you're at a sober living house and you're back in the city, are you able to go to like some different meetings, some more meetings, or is it really back having the connection with the guys again, that's helpful.

Speaker 2: 9:48

I'm definitely able to go to more meetings. I was always going to the same meeting every day, you know, monday through Thursday. My sponsor would pick me up every day. But now I'm closer, I could catch a ride with one of these guys or the guys that I'm living with. So I'm definitely like plugging into more of a different group of people at different meetings, which was my goal in the first place, like I wanted to do 90 and 90 at one place so I can build a network, a family of people, and then go somewhere else, do 90 and 90 there and then 90 and 90.

Speaker 1: 10:23

So is there anything that led you back to doing the 90 and 90 again?

Speaker 2: 10:28

I guess just my original plan I that was what I wanted to do. I want a good group of people. I'm not from Oklahoma, so you know I want to establish a good family of people that are in recovery. I know I'm a product of my environment. I adapt to wherever I'm put.

Speaker 1: 10:52

basically, that's a very good life skill too. It's a very good skill right, being able to adapt and overcome.

Speaker 2: 10:59

Definitely so. If I can surround myself with people in recovery, the more the better, you know.

Speaker 1: 11:04

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 11:05

Yeah, so yeah, that's that's where I get it, that's where I what is for people that may not know, because I hear, you know, I hear this all the time. Still I don't know. I don't think sober living is for me, right? I don't think a sober living house full of guys or full of gal, I don't think that's for me, right. I just wanna go home, or I just wanna go back to where I was, which we know from our past, as well as many, many, many people, that that doesn't work right, because you gotta change your playground, people places, things. So what is it like in a sober living house? What does that feel like? What are your requirements? If you don't mind going through that a little bit, just so people can understand?

Speaker 2: 11:44

It's not that bad guys. It's actually a really really good place. You know I hate the saying when I hear it. It says the geographical cure doesn't work. Yeah, it doesn't, but if you put yourself in a place with guys that have the same common goal, you know, I'm sure there's some bad sober houses out there.

Speaker 1: 12:07

Sure.

Speaker 2: 12:08

But you just move around, like, get out, like if you see something. It might not be a place for you, but sober living in general is definitely helpful. You know, it's either like I've learned through life, like if you don't submit under something, then life's going to submit you.

Speaker 1: 12:26

Yeah right.

Speaker 2: 12:27

Basically Like, if you don't get under some kind of structure, we always I mean, we got a job, we're submitted under the rules of policies of our job.

Speaker 2: 12:37

Mm-hmm you know we're submitted under the speed limit. You know, if you don't get submitted under any kind of thing, life will submit you. And through my experience of you know using, I know I needed something with a little bit of structure, which is super easy. All we do, we make three meetings a week. We have a curfew, it's about 10, 11 o'clock and we got to find a job. That's it. That's it. You live with a bunch of guys, but everybody is very respectful. We all have the goal of bettering ourselves. So I mean, man, it's a really, really good place. It's going to be hard whenever. So I signed up. I signed a lease for 18 months. I'm like I don't know if I'm going to move out. What am I doing 18 months?

Speaker 1: 13:31

Right, right. And you know I hear that people will be like, oh, that's so long. You know that's so long, or a year. I can't, I can't imagine a year. You know what. You know how much time you wasted on not being sober and on your addiction, right?

Speaker 2: 13:45

Yes.

Speaker 1: 13:46

When you compare, you know those years to one year of trying to get your life together, it's nothing that's like a blip right. It's what you need, and so I always hear that as an argument.

Speaker 2: 14:00

right, that's so long. Well, so is your addiction bud, yeah, yeah. Sometimes we got to get honest right yes, for sure, yeah, and you don't have to commit to 18 months. But right, right, you know, I guess, when, today, when I make a commitment, I want to follow through. I guess that's a part of getting clean and having integrity and just principles, living by good principles and morals.

Speaker 1: 14:24

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 14:25

Yeah, my life began to change when I understood what cognitive dissonance was. You know, I knew I had these like this identity of morals and things that I need to follow, of morals and things that I need to follow, and whenever I would break those morals, it was either I had to change my beliefs or change my behavior. That was the beginning of my relapses was whenever I would break one of those morals. And then, two weeks down the road, I have this thought where, you know, using doesn't sound too bad today, you know, because whenever I would, I guess, break those morals, I would. My self-confidence was lowered, lowered and I guess, once I understood what cognitive dissonance was and how, psychologically, how we operate, things started to get better for me.

Speaker 1: 15:25

You know that morals, the values, integrity, right, doing the right thing even when no one's looking, when you take those things away and we've all done it in our addiction right, we do things that we're not happy about, not proud of. Show up in places we would never go. That takes a little piece of you each time, right, it starts chipping away at your soul and that's exactly what you're talking about, right, it's like get back to who I am and it's really about it's just living, right, you know, and doing the next right thing. That's truly what it's about. And when you start doing that, you build all those things back up your confidence, your esteem, you start loving yourself again and loving people around you again and able to do those things in a much easier, safer manner.

Speaker 2: 16:20

You know it's going to be hard. At first you go to the supermarket you're not going to want to put that shopping cart back, but the more and more you practice it, the more you practice integrity, the stronger it gets. You know. Little by little you'll be able to make bigger choices and be more responsible. So that's where it started with me is practicing integrity, following through with my commitments.

Speaker 1: 16:45

Yes.

Speaker 2: 16:46

Just being accountable, it was yes, definitely.

Speaker 1: 16:49

It's actions. Right, it's not words, it's actions.

Speaker 2: 16:52

Yeah, yeah, definitely.

Speaker 1: 16:54

And then your actions, meeting your words right. Yes, yes, very, very important. Accountability is huge in recovery, accountability to yourself. But I think that's a little bit where sober living comes in too right, because you're accountable for your actions at first as well. And, like you said, it's a muscle, right, you have to learn it, and sometimes it takes a minute to do that, and so you're putting yourself in a space where you're able to learn those things again right.

Speaker 2: 17:21

Definitely you could work that muscle out and the rules are very, very easy, also with practicing accountability. If I say I'm going to chair a meeting or if I'm going to do a podcast at 10 o'clock, I was a little late.

Speaker 1: 17:41

It's okay, I got you Right.

Speaker 2: 17:45

I'm going to follow through. I'm going to follow through. I'm going to follow through, I'm not going to, you know, say last minute, hey, let's do this. Or just like I used, to just completely disconnect and isolate, because I know what that turns into.

Speaker 1: 17:58

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 17:59

I know exactly where that will go.

Speaker 1: 18:01

Yeah, I know exactly where that will go.

Speaker 2: 18:02

Following through with commitments was really big for me, because I'm a person that likes to well, that used to, you know, get emotionally overwhelmed and then I would just completely disconnect from reality and life in general.

Speaker 1: 18:19

Yeah, yeah, that's huge, that's huge and that's a part of addiction right there, right, yeah, yeah, that's huge, that's huge and that's a part of addiction right there, right, yeah, because we know how to numb things and not have to feel and not have to associate and not have to take care of anything or do anything, because that's my excuse. Right, I'm over here doing me, right, I'm doing my thing, I'm doing what I want to be doing. Are you though? Yeah, are you though?

Speaker 2: 18:43

Yeah, are you, though? And that was I mean. Now that I think of it, oh my gosh, it's so selfish, you know, like it's all about me, me, me, me, me, you know, and I didn't care what anybody thought, what my job thought, if I didn't show up that day, I'd just be like, oh well, if I lose my job, whatever. But life, life today, following through having integrity, practicing, you know, honesty and having brotherhood having family fellowship.

Speaker 1: 19:19

it's so much better. It's so much better. Yeah, that connection right Connection being the opposite of addiction right.

Speaker 1: 19:22

And remembering, remembering we're all in this together and helping the next guy out. It's not a hand out, it's a hand up and helping someone up. And we all struggle, right, we all struggle at certain points and when you have people around you to notice that struggle and help you up, it's a whole lot different than the spiral. Right, you have somebody watching and looking out for each other and that's super important in recovery, especially the beginning, especially in the beginning of being able to notice hey, he's a little off today, what's up, what's going on. You know, and you see it with your brothers, right, you can tell, you get to know everybody and you can tell when someone's struggling or someone's a little off or something's going on.

Speaker 2: 20:05

yeah, you can tell yeah, definitely we check in with each other, you know, even if it's just jokes or yeah, still still a check-in, just like yeah, do you?

Speaker 1: 20:16

guys do a? Um, do you do you guys do a thread, a house thread on text message, where you check in with each other and yeah, we do um, we, uh, we, we all we've got our own little group chat and we kind of we encourage each other and kind of just, uh, we lift each other up like it's.

Speaker 2: 20:34

It's all positive vibes here yes in my situation, you know, being well, I don't know if I talked about this, okay so. So I thought I was going to be completely free. I had a doctor's appointment not too long ago and. I got put in a walking cast so my range of motion is a little. I'm walking like a turtle. I'm a little slow, but so my spirit is a little down.

Speaker 1: 20:58

Yeah, because that's not what you thought, right? That's not what you thought was going to happen, right.

Speaker 2: 21:02

I wanted to go back to work already. Come on.

Speaker 1: 21:06

Yeah, you're like come on already.

Speaker 2: 21:07

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 21:08

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 21:15

I'm still trying to find some kind of job where I can sit down and work, but not that easy. But, with that said, the guys here are very encouraging. It's hard when you come from especially for us men, for us to like come from a humble place and surround yourself with other guys. You feel like you're going to be I don't know what's the word your pride's going to be lowered a little bit, you know. But no, you can walk in here with your head up. It's a super encouraging environment. People are uplifting. They ask me how I'm doing every day. Somebody does. I mean I ask them.

Speaker 1: 21:48

Yeah, yeah, and that's a lot, it's huge. It's just to know that you have someone in your corner Because you know, through addiction and through life challenges, a lot of people have lost people along the way, right yeah, lost some family, lost some friends, maybe even some children, and feeling can be feeling pretty low sometimes, right.

Speaker 2: 22:13

Oh, yeah, definitely.

Speaker 1: 22:14

And so getting that community back and the check-ins and the how you do-ins. It may seem small to some people, but in recovery it's big, it's huge yeah.

Speaker 2: 22:23

Yeah, wounds it may seem small to some people, but in recovery it's big, it's huge. So I'm happy that you have that.

Speaker 1: 22:27

I'm super thrilled for you that you were able to recover at your parents' house, because I know that was amazing and huge and you never thought that would happen. But being back with your guys is probably just as huge right, just as big for you.

Speaker 2: 22:42

It's a game changer Definitely.

Speaker 1: 22:44

I'm happy to hear that. I didn't know that for you, so I'm real happy to hear that.

Speaker 2: 22:49

Amazing. Yeah, we watch, we watch TV. So you know we got a 10 o'clock curfew, but we'll stay up till midnight watching some some movie on Netflix or something. So it's not all. It's not all structure. If someone thinks oh, I got to go, I got to go to sleep at this, the lights out.

Speaker 1: 23:07

Lights out right, it's not jail. It's not jail, it's not prison. It's definitely it's a different design, yeah.

Speaker 2: 23:14

It's just a little structure because through our addiction, through my entire life, that's what I've avoided. You know, and through my experience, if I didn't, like I said, submit under some type of structure, then life submitted me by going to deep, you know, by relapsing and finally getting that, that desperation that I think in the big book it says pitfall, incomprehensible demoralization. You know like I would go through that, like over and over.

Speaker 1: 23:48

Absolutely. And that takes us where, just a quick spiral right, yeah, on a place we don't want to go, yeah, so 18 months, and then just during this time, you'll be healing, right, you're obviously healing still.

Speaker 2: 24:02

Yes, yes.

Speaker 1: 24:04

Like you said, you're an adoptable guy, so you're just kind of taking it as it comes right now.

Speaker 2: 24:07

Yeah, yeah, in two weeks I'll get the cast taken off, yay, I'll be able to walk. I mean, I could walk now, but be able to walk normally, yeah, yeah, but yeah, two weeks I'll get the cast taken off and I could probably find a job. That's more fitting. Yeah, but yeah, uh, I guess it's just just living life day by day, you know. But to get my one year chip, and I was thinking I had this thing, this thing where?

Speaker 2: 24:35

Why do we give out chips every you know month, every 30, 60, 90 days? It's because we're writing, like you know, at a year you're going to be on this like high, you're on a, you're on a pink cloud, basically you're, you're up there, you're doing good, everything's going okay and it's important to go out there, to go to those meetings to celebrate your recovery and get a chip or a key tag, whatever you know, whatever 12 step program you want to go to. It's super, super important because it's kind of like a moment to humble yourself a little bit and remember where you came from, because for a lot of us, especially me, that pride is a double edged sword, you know sure.

Speaker 2: 25:20

I need it to wake up in the morning. Right, I need my pride to get up out of bed. If I didn't have it, I would just lay there all day, but at the same time, if I have too much of it, it'll get me in big trouble. So, definitely, celebrating your recovery by getting a chip and saying how you did it and sharing is super, super beneficial, especially for me. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2: 25:45

Also, you know how it says that pitfall and comprehensible demoralization. I think it's important because we are, our rememberers are broken. Yeah, you know, like I can't, it's hard for me to remember how bad I had it, you know. So I've just started doing this and I'm still trying to come up with something, but I want to give my rock bottom some kind of substance, just like it says in the big book that you know that demoralization like that, that dark despair, even like I think it's good to give it a name, give it a name, give it like an identity, Like where was I? I was in dark, you know. Despair like desperate despair, that's a good one. I'm just going to call it my dark, desperate despair.

Speaker 1: 26:29

You know, one of the things we did in group one of the groups was substance abuse monster right and drawing a picture of that monster right and giving it, giving it a name or giving it, like you said, despair, you know, giving it some looking at it like face to face. This is, this is what that looks like, because you know how sometimes we get caught up in war stories, right?

Speaker 2: 26:52

Yeah, definitely.

Speaker 1: 26:53

And and go back to well, that was so fun when we blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, it was fun for like 15 minutes and then everything that followed that was a frigging pit, right. So we have to remember, like you said, that despair, the demoralization, because it's real. It's real. We wouldn't be in recovery if it wasn't real, right.

Speaker 2: 27:12

Yeah, for sure yeah. Also identifying the feelings connected to that. You know the emotions that you have connected to that. When we have, when we share war stories, we get that, that euphoric recall, you know.

Speaker 2: 27:27

Yeah, yeah, absolutely At the same time, when you share your, your rock bottom, you want to, you want to know what that feels like. You want to, you want to connect with those emotions. I think it's sad that we don't talk about emotions. We don't have a class in elementary school of identifying let's identify emotions. We don't ask enough how does that make you feel?

Speaker 1: 27:52

Because you guys especially grow up where emotions are not a good thing, right?

Speaker 1: 27:57

You're supposed to be a tough guy and you're supposed to not cry and you're crying over there. Boy, let me give you something to cry about. Exactly, you know, we don't cry, we don't show emotion. We don't do that. We need to be strong men. Well, you know what Showing emotions is? Strength it is. It's a huge, huge strength, definitely, and that was something I hammered on in group, because I was also raised like that. You know where I was raised with brothers and men and boys where we didn't have emotions at my house, right, it was just. You just didn't. You know what I mean. You just did what you were told and you didn't show emotion, and that does not serve you well in life. It doesn't. That's where we stuff and that's where we mask, and that's why we do that in the first place, and we don't even know how to feel or what we're feeling, right? Yeah, have you ever done breath work, drew?

Speaker 1: 28:49

Yeah, I did it with you oh that's right, duh, we were there that day. That's right and that's been huge, because we're doing that now for clients every Friday and I can't even tell you some of the breakthroughs and people saying I haven't cried in 10 years, 20 years, and being able to have those breakthroughs of emotion has been just amazing. I can't even put it into words because it's so overwhelming sometimes and it's been something beautiful to be able to offer to clients on a regular basis, right.

Speaker 2: 29:26

Yes, and it's scary.

Speaker 1: 29:28

It can be scary, right it can be super scary, especially that first time, if you have a big release, especially for men. They're like what is that? Yeah, what was that? What just happened? Why? What are these tears? What is this? Right, yeah.

Speaker 2: 29:42

What was that? What just happened? Why? What are these tears? What is?

Speaker 1: 29:45

this Right. You ever have guys just get up and walk out. I have, yes, someone that you know actually got up and walked out and said I have to go to the bathroom, and I said, no, you don't, no, you don't, you just don't want to have emotion. And we actually talked about it later and that was real, that was the truth.

Speaker 2: 29:59

Yeah, that that's so good, because the way y'all do the breath work is amazing, because they talk you through it like it's very relaxed environment, um, and and they talk you through it, they make you feel comfortable in your space, you know yes, absolutely.

Speaker 1: 30:14

If you guys at the house wanted to do it, we would come do it. We would definitely do it, if you guys want to talk to them about that, because it's hugely important and we're I'm a safe space.

Speaker 1: 30:27

You know that Sherry's a safe space. We're going to cry right along with everybody, like every Friday. I just bawled right Every Friday. That's just part of it, and I don't ever want guys to feel like, oh my God, we can't do that around you. Ladies. Yeah, you can. Yeah, you absolutely can.

Speaker 1: 30:45

For me, and I didn't cry for a very long time, I didn't show emotion, I didn't cry and I thought it was a sign of weakness. And what it actually was was me being weak. Right, being weak and not being vulnerable. Right, because we have to be vulnerable and we have to let things out. We have to let them go so they get out of us. Right, we got to get it out, get it up so it doesn't keep choking us. Right, because it just comes up to here and then we want to stuff. It Comes up to here, we want to stuff it, and that's why we use and so getting that stuff out I just call it, for lack of a better medical term, puking it up right, so it doesn't keep choking us because we've got to do that. So, if the guys were interested in doing that, I know.

Speaker 1: 31:27

Gary would come over there and do that.

Speaker 2: 31:30

Cool.

Speaker 1: 31:31

At least try that with them. She can't do it for free every single time, but she sure would be willing to come and do that with the guys.

Speaker 2: 31:37

Cool, yeah, it's conditioning. You know we're conditioned to not feel as a society, like, just like fear. You know like when you're born, you're born with two fears the fear of falling and the fear of loud sounds.

Speaker 1: 31:51

Yep.

Speaker 2: 31:51

Because you're in that womb and every fear after that is conditioned. You forget the fear of falling and you forget the fear of loud sounds most people. Yeah, the fear of falling and you forget the fear of loud sounds most people. But you're conditioned after that. You're conditioned to fear other things. You're conditioned to not feel your emotions.

Speaker 1: 32:11

Learned behavior right. It's learned behavior in most cases, products of our environment, and most people are taught not to feel. And God gave us breath to heal ourselves. God gave us tears to heal ourselves. We actually have those given to us that we don't use. And when you start using that, it's amazing. It's absolutely amazing how things can change right. Yeah, and people don't believe it until they experience it.

Speaker 2: 32:40

Exactly.

Speaker 1: 32:41

We don't.

Speaker 2: 32:42

They're like well, breath work, Okay, let's do it. And then you're in there bawling.

Speaker 1: 32:46

I breathe all the time. What are you talking about?

Speaker 2: 32:48

No, you actually don't.

Speaker 1: 32:50

You actually don't. We shallow breathe right. Some of us even hold our breath. I am one of those people that forgets to breathe deeply. I'll catch myself holding my breath and it's like, oh what?

Speaker 2: 32:59

am I doing?

Speaker 1: 33:00

And we don't breathe like we're supposed to. That four, seven, eight breathing, even just as on the regular, you know, reminding ourselves to breathe. We don't do that and it's a huge life skill to be able to get yourself regulated.

Speaker 2: 33:12

Yeah, well, that's awesome. You do that with the clients every week. That's amazing, you know. It's like you've lowered the cortisol levels at South Coast by having breath work Right.

Speaker 1: 33:22

Right, absolutely.

Speaker 2: 33:24

Probably by 25%, just by doing breath work with the clients. You know that cortisol it's nice. If there's a cheetah chasing after us, you know, fine, it's living in fight or flight constantly, right, constantly.

Speaker 1: 33:39

And we're not made to do that. Fight or flight is made to, designed to be a response to something, an event. It's not designed for us to be able to live in that state. Yeah, and that's what a lot of us do, right? We live in that state of fight or flight and then wonder why we're so dysregulated. Yep, and there'll be some shaky spots. I think the, the connection there is a little different than our first connection, but you know what? It's okay, the message is still there. It's progress, not perfection. We don't have to be perfect. We don't have to be perfect. When I first started this podcast, drew, I would get so overwhelmed and so, oh, my God, it's got to be perfect, and the sound quality and the this and the that. Life's just not perfect. Right, it's messy. And now I'm just like whatever, yeah, you lost me, it's cool, I'll put you back together. You know, it's not even that anymore, because it doesn't have to be perfect. The mess just has to get out there, right? Yeah, I'm.

Speaker 2: 34:32

However, whatever that looks like, whatever, that's nice, you know, isn't that nice where you, where you don't have to like, when you finally realize you come to this realization like it doesn't have to like, when you finally realize you come to this realization like it doesn't have to be perfect, andrew, yes, you know, perfectionism is huge in addiction, right?

Speaker 1: 34:48

A lot of us came from a place of our childhoods of thinking that we had to be perfect and that spiral was so real, that perfect mountaintop to falling on the floor to that rock bottom was hard. Right, because there's no perfect, there's not perfect, and I'm going to be honest here. Breathwork has helped me with that. It's helped me with that perfectionism. Not to be perfect it's messy. I got a hat on today. Drew Hair's messy, right, it is what it is. I'm not at that state anymore, everything having to look a certain way, be a certain way, present a certain way. I'm like you know what? Here I am, this is it, and it's such a life changing experience to just be, to just be as you are, be the human that you are, and not have to worry about it constantly. It's crazy. It's a crazy change, right.

Speaker 2: 35:43

Yeah, definitely, I think for me, those doing breath work, working my steps, things like that but the most the biggest changes I've had was in education, was learning, you know about myself, about why I used in the first place, about my learning about my emotional state, learning about survival mode. Some of us are stuck in that like survival type of situation and I see it in other people sometimes just like, oh, they're in survival mode.

Speaker 1: 36:13

So you know, and that's fight or flight. Right, that's fight or flight. You're living constantly in fight or flight, which is survival mode and dysregulated, every single day. Yeah, it's true.

Speaker 2: 36:25

That's another thing. Guys who don't want to go to a sober house, yeah, I think a program like this or 12-step programs they kind of rewire your brain to get out of survival mode, because once you're in there, you're in there, you're always in survival mode.

Speaker 1: 36:48

Yeah, it's stuck, it's like stuck.

Speaker 2: 36:51

Yeah, yeah. You've got to get out of that way of thinking and learn how to live life like a normal person.

Speaker 1: 36:59

Absolutely, and sober living does provide that right. You get a roof over your head.

Speaker 2: 37:04

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 37:05

Yes, you have to pay for it. Of course, You're not going to go anywhere and live for free, right. Yeah sure, and it is a very less expensive right To get you back on your feet. It was a hand up, not a handout. It's a hand up Get you back on your feet, get you reprogrammed right, Routine Reprogrammed.

Speaker 2: 37:23

Reprogrammed right.

Speaker 1: 37:24

And that's what we need. But that's what we need. Our program wasn't working right. Our program wasn't working, yeah, and so that's what's needed, and it's so important to have that capability and somewhere to go. So, as you are there and you're getting back on your feet, isn't that giving you it, gives you like a chance to breathe?

Speaker 2: 37:44

It gives me You're not so overwhelmed. Yes, there's still don't get me wrong there's still an overwhelming feeling where, okay, now I got to get a job and I got to. But compared to what I've been through, man especially us addicts we're resilient. Hey, so this, this environment, this type of these type of hurdles that I got to jump over are nothing compared to what I've been through.

Speaker 1: 38:07

Right.

Speaker 2: 38:08

Right.

Speaker 1: 38:09

Yes, absolutely, and remembering that is important. It's huge because you do have that space right now to grow you. You have a space to to lay your head down at night and a space to grow from, and that's huge.

Speaker 2: 38:22

There's a sense of security. Um, you know, it's, it's, it's amazing. Btr, shout out BTR.

Speaker 1: 38:32

Hi, blake, shouting you out again. Yeah, because Blake has been able to do an amazing thing, I think, in the recovery world really yeah, with his sober living houses and has the heart and the passion for it. Yeah, not just, they're not just houses. He has the heart and passion for recovery and for all of you guys.

Speaker 1: 38:53

Yeah, and I think that's the difference, right, that's the difference. Right, that's the difference, the heart, the passion, the purpose, the mission. You know the mission iron sharpens, iron right, that's his tagline and he's in it right, he's in the middle of it, he lives it right and I think that's amazing and huge and important for anybody. Sober living houses are in my future for sure. It's a mission, it's a heart, and I think you have to have that heart to do that for real. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 39:24

But he's a really good leader. I think what showed me he's I wasn't excuse me, I wasn't here at the time, but he's even stayed at the houses, you know, to try to get them in order. But he's even stayed at the houses, you know, to try to get them in order. You know you could easily set up a sober house and just assign someone and just let it run, but he actually gets his hands dirty involved with this. You know there's a conference happening today and he put on the group chat hey, if anybody wants to go, I'll pay for it. You know, and I'm like, oh wow, that's amazing.

Speaker 1: 39:55

Yeah, it is amazing.

Speaker 2: 39:56

He actually gets his hands dirty and dirty. I say dirty, but he gets in there. He gets in there and to me that shows a really good trait of leadership. It's a leader that doesn't leave his guys behind.

Speaker 1: 40:11

Yes, no man left behind, right, no man left behind. I truly, truly think that's what it takes. Recovery is not really about money, and anybody that's truly in recovery and has a heart and a purpose and a mission for it understands that.

Speaker 2: 40:24

Yeah, yeah, definitely.

Speaker 1: 40:25

Obviously there's a business model. Obviously right, yeah, none of us can survive without business.

Speaker 2: 40:31

But it's heart, it's heart, it's soul, and you have to have that If you know your leadership isn't committed, it doesn't have the heart involved, you'll know, you'll feel it before it's a week?

Speaker 1: 40:47

Yeah, absolutely you do. You do feel it, you know, you know, and we all want to be a part of something. I hear a lot of people say I'm good by myself, and I say that myself. I'm one of those people that I'm like I'm good on my own. None of us are great on our own right. None of us are. We have to have that connection and he's done that in an amazing way. In an amazing way, bringing you guys together. We are shouting out to you huge today yeah.

Speaker 2: 41:13

Shout out, blake yeah.

Speaker 1: 41:15

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 41:16

I had a choice to like go to other sober houses. I could have went to Oxford house or, uh, for the ladies, there's there's other houses. I think this is just all men's but, um, there's there's really good sober houses out there. But the reason I came back to VTR was while I was in my coma I was staying at one of Blake Beckner's sober houses and Blake would come visit me, you know, while I was in the hospital. So I, I'm, I, I'm loyal, you know, I, and I don't, I don't see any problems with the program I was in. So if it works and keep doing it right.

Speaker 1: 41:56

Absolutely Right If it's working keep working it. Yeah, a hundred percent.

Speaker 2: 42:01

I came back here. I came back here because it worked for me in the beginning, so I'm not going to stop, I'm just going to I love that and you're out there.

Speaker 1: 42:10

You know you're giving back too. Yeah, you know you're out there giving back and haven have a safe space to be able to do that, and that's huge. Do you have a good quote for me today?

Speaker 2: 42:21

Let's see Good quote. I wish I had one off the top of the head.

Speaker 1: 42:27

You always have one. It's my thing too, but you always have one.

Speaker 2: 42:39

I'm just putting you on the spot now. Right, man, I'm drawing blanks right now too, and I'm gonna I'm gonna regret this after we, we go I know you're gonna call me wait here.

Speaker 1: 42:46

It is here it is yeah, okay, yeah.

Speaker 2: 42:50

Knowing others is intelligence, knowing yourself is true wisdom. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, and nature does not hurry. Yet everything is accomplished.

Speaker 1: 43:01

It's a lousy, I love it. That's great. Yeah, well, I appreciate you, drew.

Speaker 2: 43:09

Hey, thank you so much for having me.

Speaker 1: 43:11

Of course, of course, and I'll see you around. I know I will.

Speaker 2: 43:14

I'll see you Absolutely Thank you for having me, of course, of course, and I'll see you around. I know I will. I'll see you Absolutely. Thank you, joe.

Speaker 1: 43:19

Thanks, drew, have a great day.