Healing from Trauma, Breaking Cycles And Building A Beautiful Life-with Guest Aurora Nicholson

What does it really take to break a cycle that’s been running your family for generations? Host Jo Summers sits down with Aurora Nicholson for a raw, clear-eyed look at what survival taught her—and what healing required. From childhood abuse and a maze of foster placements to self-harm, addiction, and homelessness, Aurora doesn’t flinch from the truth. She also doesn’t stop there. Step by step, she shows how sobriety, boundaries, and steady practice turned a life of chaos into a home with peace and a business with purpose.

Aurora unpacks the difference between numbing and regulation, and why Trauma Reboot helped her remember without relapsing into old patterns. We talk about the nervous system as a compass, the power of simple tools like breathwork and grounding, and how “busy” can be another mask. She shares the real-world playbook behind Miss Handy Hands LLC, moving from side gigs to a growing team with benefits and a new certification as a Generac dealer and installer. Along the way, we explore discrimination in the trades, pregnancy on job sites, and the toughness it takes to design a workplace that actually cares.

The most moving moments land at home. Aurora describes choosing peace as a parenting strategy, teaching her daughter to “breathe like a dragon,” and welcoming her nieces and nephew in an emergency kinship placement to keep them out of the system that failed her. Structure becomes love, consistency becomes safety, and boundaries become a promise to the next generation. If you need a template for breaking cycles—through honesty, skill, and daily choices—this conversation offers both hope and a blueprint.

If this resonated, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs it, and leave a review to help others find these stories. Your support helps amplify voices that turn pain into purpose.

Connection is the opposite of addiction, and we're all in this together!

Miss Handy Hands LLC 405-900-3985  website: Misshandyhands.com  

Chapters

• 0:00 Setting The Stage For Vulnerability
• 3:42 Aurora’s Early Childhood Trauma
• 7:42 Self-Harm And Systems That Failed
• 11:42 Addiction As Coping And Homelessness
• 16:12 Choosing Sobriety And Reclaiming Worth
• 21:42 Remembering Through Trauma Reboot
• 26:12 Nervous System, Triggers, And Healing
• 31:12 Alcohol, Workaholism, And Functioning
• 36:12 Boundaries With Family And Motherhood
• 41:12 Learning New Coping Skills
• 46:12 Building Miss Handy Hands LLC

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 1:12

Good morning and welcome to Breakfast of Choices. I'm here with my friend Aurora Nicholson and we met, I don't know, a couple years ago, and we met at some networking events here and there and see her sometimes and see her at another one and just kind of um got to know each other a little bit and I told her that I did the podcast and and we've shared a little bit of our stories through networking events and she wanted to share her story and this has been kind of a journey for us together. It's been about a year and we've we've made a couple attempts to share. And you know, the truth is you have to be ready to share your story. You have to be ready. And um, I think what the beauty is here is most everybody that I work with has some reservations about sharing sometimes because we think that we're we're scared about it, we're afraid to put certain things out there sometimes, we're afraid to share certain things. But the whole idea and the premise of this podcast is to be real, raw, and vulnerable and to let others know that they're not alone in their stories. We have been through some hard things in our lives. That's not us, right? We've been through some hard things, and that's okay. That's what shapes us, it's what makes us who we are, and that's how our stories help the next person. So, as I said, good morning and welcome to Breakfast of Choices, live stories of transformation from rock bottom to rock solid. So I'm gonna let Aurora go ahead and get started on um sharing her story. And like I told her just a little bit ago, we're just gonna have some conversation. And uh, when I say story, I mean journey of life. I don't mean story in the fact that we're story time. This is someone's life that we're talking about. And it's I'm so happy that you're on tonight to share. I'm really proud of you. Thank you. I feel like it's been a long time coming. Absolutely. And you know, you shared with me that you went through something called trauma reboot recovery recently. And I think I shared with you last year that I actually signed up to become a facilitator for trauma reboot. So I thought that was really cool. That really when I signed up to be a facilitator, you signed up kind of for the course. So, you know, girls, sometimes things are just meant to be, right? So here we are. Yeah. And I think we're here right when we're supposed to be here. So I'll let you go ahead and get started wherever you want to get started.

SPEAKER_01: 3:34

That's always been a hard point for me of like, where do I start? Do I start at the very beginning, or do I start, you know, toward the end of my rock bottom?

SPEAKER_00: 3:43

Or, you know, and so really it's just let's start, let's start at the beginning because uh the beginning of our stories is really what shapes us, and that's what makes us who we are today. Um, and those beginnings, we don't get to choose them, right? We don't we don't come out picking our beginnings, picking our family, picking our people. That gets chosen for us. Later on in life, it's all about choices, but the beginnings of our lives, we are dealt that. And that's how we have to learn how to overcome and the hard stuff that we deal with.

SPEAKER_01: 4:13

Yes, absolutely. Yeah. Well, so I grew up with five siblings. We were all relatively close in age and ended up just not being a good situation. My parents had no business being parents, they were abusive in every sense of the word. My dad had gone to prison for something at one point when I was about three or four, and my mom decided that prostituting me and my older sister was the way to go while he was in prison to try to make ends meet. We and what's funny is that I didn't even start remembering a lot of this stuff until I went through the reboot recovery course. Um, I had disassociated it, and as those memories come back, it's like it's happening all over again, which is crazy to me being, you know, 30 years ago now.

SPEAKER_00: 5:00

And that's what we talked about a minute ago, right? You asked me how to share, and I said, I want you to share whatever you're comfortable sharing because the last thing I want to do is re-traumatize you or anybody. So I'm gonna go ahead and and and say right now, anybody listening, um, there may be some trigger warning here. And again, Aurora, I want you to share how you want to share because I think this is a really important tell. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01: 5:24

Well, so I grew up with my parents. I ended up getting, or we were taken by DHS and placed back like seven or eight times before they finally terminated my parents' rights when I was nine years old. When I was about 11 or 12, I started having issues with self-mutilation. And it got to the point that if I didn't do it, I didn't feel normal. Um it I don't know if I can really call it an addiction because I think there's scientific things about it, but it's it was definitely a compulsion that I had um and struggled with for years after that. Uh I was in and out of psychiatric hospitals because of the self-mutilation. And um then finally started using drugs when I was like 15. Uh, I had a coworker of mine. I was talking to him about how I just wanted to forget things, and he came up with an easy solution. And at the time it was just about forgetting. And I started using meth and I started using opiates. I went through probably 30 placements during my care or during my time in DHS care. Um, everyone was just the next nightmare. I had one good home when I was 16 that I ran away from because the mom had come to talk to me about my cutting issues. She had four small children, and she was like, you know, I'm worried that if you cut too deep, you know, what if my children find you on the floor? And so the next day I wrote them a letter and I ran away. After that, I went to a rehab facility. And then when I turned 18, DHS pretty much said good luck and I was homeless. They I went back to drug use, did a lot of things that I'm not proud of, but uh ended up actually getting back in touch with my parents because I didn't remember anything that had happened. And as soon as I turned 18 and I got back in touch with them, it was always about what they needed. Like I was always paying for something or I was always doing something for them because they just always needed something. They were living off my mom's fixed income of 650 a month. And actually back last year, my dad died. I had this really messed up sense, or I felt at the time a really messed up sense of obligation uh to them. Like I had I had to make sure I was the good daughter. I was had to make sure my parents were okay. And after my dad passed, I realized that I really didn't have that sense of obligation anymore. And like, albeit that my dad never sexually abused me, he was abusive in other ways. And so I guess that was where that sense of obligation came from. Cause after I went through the reboot recovery course, I started remembering more. And it was um my mom's parents, uh, whenever we would go visit them, they were sexually abusive. And he went to prison because he tried to confront them about it. And so when my dad went to prison, my mom prostituted herself and then also prostituted me and my older sister. Uh, I always thought that we grew up poor because sometimes I remember just always being hungry. And after reboot recovery, I started remembering it was my mom would lock me in closets for for days, me and my sister for days without food, just because she could. Most of the placements I had were in some way, shape, or form abusive, most sexually. I started, or I I guess once I turned 18, I continued on with the drugs. I I know I'm jumping around a little bit. You're fine. You're fine. Continued with the drugs after I turned 18 and went actually, I'm January will be 11 years clean for me.

SPEAKER_00: 8:59

Congratulations, Aurora. That's fantastic.

SPEAKER_01: 9:02

I um what made you get clean? Honestly, I uh gotten in in this relationship with this guy. He was 15 years my senior and we used drugs together, and I had decided to, after being with him for probably five years, I decided or to get clean while he was out in California. I just was tired of being sick and tired. I didn't like I didn't like everything that just came with it. I didn't like having to struggle for a place to live. I didn't like, I mean, because I was like I said, when I turned 18, I was homeless. And then when I was probably like 21, I was homeless for a little bit. And then he came back from California with drugs we used. As we were coming down, we got into this real big fight and he ended up going to jail. And that was really just my my thing where I'm like, I can't do this. Like by that time, I already I had already caught several charges, drug-related charges, because I just didn't, because I was just an addict. I didn't care about anybody else or what how my behavior affected anybody else. I was not a good person.

SPEAKER_00: 10:02

Let me let me stop you. Let me stop you right there. I realized that you think that you weren't a good person, but your whole life you were in survival mode, right? Did you ever have anyone teach you life skills? No.

SPEAKER_01: 10:16

You just actually told me that I was not worth helping because of the self-mutilation issues that I had.

SPEAKER_00: 10:21

I'm sorry that that happened. That's incredibly sad to hear that. Somebody would tell you that, especially somebody that's there to help you. I'm sorry that that happened. That that truly was not your fault. Um now, but at the time I really took the heart. I understand. I understand that the people that have told me things in my life have been the people that were there to help. You know, parole officers, probation officers, state people. You're never gonna amount to anything. You know, the people that are supposed to be there to help you. And so you really take that stuff in, you know. You're like, wow, that must be that must be really bad because they're people that are these people help everybody, you know? And and that's not the case. Maybe those were the bad people, you know? Maybe those were the people that weren't doing the right thing. Not not us. And you gotta give yourself some grace there. And I hope that through the trauma reboot, you've learned to give yourself a little bit of grace because you've had to learn everything that you've learned on your own. And you got clean because you decided you wanted a better life. And when we look back at your parents, look at that generational. Look what they did what they knew. They did what they knew. Nobody taught them any different. They did what they knew from their parents, and that's how those generational cycles go. You broke it. So you broke it on your own. That's phenomenal. So I hope you're really, really proud of yourself for that.

SPEAKER_01: 11:43

Um, I uh my mom's actually still living, and uh, she was trying to um she's been trying to get in touch with me. I started remembering about six months ago, um, maybe five. And since then I've kind of ghosted her because I'm like, I don't really want to talk to you. And after her calling several days in a row, I I told her, I was like, Do you do you know why I'm not talking to you? No. Well, you I'm remembering more about my childhood. Well, bad things about me. Yes, about you, mom. Well, I'm I'm sorry. Like, no, mom, you're not sorry. You're just sorry that I'm remembering. She I was like, You you treated us you treated us like crap. She's like, Well, I was treated like crap my whole life. Yes, but so was I, and I'm an amazing mom. So that doesn't give you an excuse. Because I I have a three-year-old of my own, and I didn't have examples of what to do, but I had a lot of examples of what not to. And I also have a lot of examples of how I never want my daughter to fail. Um I uh so that's a Yeah. I'm an easy mom. But so we don't really talk anymore because I don't understand her not trying to like she tried to apologize again. Actually, she called about a week later. And I said, Mom, the only reason you're apologizing is because I won't talk to you, and this is a manipulation tactic. You're just saying sorry in the hopes that I'm going to just forgive you. Um, and I know that everyone says that you have to forgive and let it go and this and that, but I have not made it to that point yet. And that's okay.

SPEAKER_00: 13:21

That's okay, Aurora, that's okay.

SPEAKER_01: 13:23

I have not made it to that point yet, but I will. It will just it'll take some time and some some deeper healing. So I got clean and decided that I wanted to turn my life around, and I actually got into uh construction work. Started out general labor, just pushing a broom on a commercial construction site, and I worked my butt off, and they put me with this gentleman that was pretty much like the MacGyver of the construction world. Like he is so awesome. I mean, he we we worked day in, day out, hand in hand, and he was he he became almost like a dad to me, really. He taught me the ins and outs of just about whatever you could think of. Um I learned how to run heavy equipment. I'm certified on most pieces of heavy equipment because they said jump on that and figure it out. Okay, well, here we are. Um I traveled for work. I was able to go to Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands in North Carolina after the hurricanes. During this time, I was still so I had gotten sober off of you know the meth and the opiates, but I was still drinking heavily. I was definitely a what is it? I could still function. I was a functional alcoholic because I would work 16 hours in the day or 16 hours in the field a day and go home, drink a fifth of whiskey, go to bed, wake up, do it all over again. And it just wasn't I never saw the issue with it because I was still able to function. And I was, you know, I had a house and I had a car and I had all these things. I was traveling for work. I mean, and I could still perform at my job. It was just one of those things that I just took as, well, this is what it is now. And so I ended up coming back to Oklahoma after um the hurricane stuff and decided to get into a trade, which I chose electrical, started doing industrial and commercial electrical, still drinking. Um, I would close down the bars and be able to get to work at 5 a.m. the next day. It wasn't all I did was work and drink. Like that was that was my life.

SPEAKER_00: 15:21

You were working and you were functional, but your quality of life was what?

SPEAKER_01: 15:26

I mean, realistically, I kept myself so busy that I didn't have to think about things.

SPEAKER_00: 15:33

And that's an addiction in itself, right?

SPEAKER_01: 15:35

Yes. I am still trying to learn to not do that because I can I can figure out something to do at any second any of any day. Yeah. I can figure out something to do to distract myself.

SPEAKER_00: 15:46

I feel that. I feel that and I get called out on that a lot. Why do you stay so busy? It's it's a mechanism, right? It's a coping skill. It's a coping skill. Um, we don't we don't use drugs anymore. We're not stuffing, we're not masking in that way, but it's still one of the coping skills that we know. And it works. And it works, and it's it's a whole lot better than the drug side of it or the self-mutilation side of it. Can I ask you a question out of literally, I do not know the answer to this. And I know you said you had an issue with cutting. When you started using math and was using heavily, were you still cutting? Um, it wasn't regular anymore.

SPEAKER_01: 16:29

Um, I think I stopped regularly cutting about 21-ish, and I stopped using mask when I was 23.

SPEAKER_00: 16:38

Because it's a coping skill, right? That's a coping skill. That's your stuffing and masking to make you feel better. And I know for some people that's very confusing. How does that make you feel better? It lets out the emotion, right? It's control. It's a control thing. It's something that you do for control.

SPEAKER_01: 16:54

Yes, it was a very ritualistic thing that I just yeah. It was um, and then while I was using it, was uh by the time I stopped using, I was an IV user. And uh just the the fact that like drawing the needle up and everything else with the blood was a high in and of itself because of that cutting. So I got kind of like the both I don't want to say best of both worlds because it's not great, but at the time, at the time, that was the best best of both things that I could get.

SPEAKER_00: 17:25

So I just kind of wanted to first for people to understand that that is a coping mechanism, and you hadn't got to using drugs yet, and that that was your next, okay, I'm gonna try this to not feel, right? It's all of it, it's just a coping skill to not feel. People use many, many different things that they've learned or that have worked until they don't. You know what I mean? You do it until, oh, that doesn't work anymore, and then something else, and that's all we haven't got everything out yet, right? Because our body keeps the score. And so it's all still in there, and we're just trying to figure it out. Like, why do I still feel this way? Now that you've gone through the trauma reboot, and I know it was hard. I know it was hard. It absolutely was. That you've got some of that stuff up and out. I call it kind of this is gonna sound gross, but puking it up, right? So you don't keep choking on it. Like you, it's finally comes out, right? You finally get it out, and there's like a freedom in that. There's a sense of freedom in that in itself that you're like, oh my gosh, that actually came out of my body. Yes. And that is amazing, right? That feeling is amazing. And I I I want people to understand getting that trauma out of your body, even though it's hard to deal with and hard to go through, it's the most amazing part of the journey that you don't know how good it's gonna feel until you do it. It's it's a relief. It's a relief and it's a release, it's a relief. It's a oh my gosh, why didn't I do this sooner? Right. You're asking yourself, why did I wait so long? Everybody does that, right? Why did I because it's it's we hold on to it. Why? Why do we hold on to it? Guilt, shame, feeling not worthy. Somebody told us that we like all of those reasons. And then once we finally get it up and get it out, it's like, wow, that was not as bad as I thought that was gonna be, but it was hard. You know, I won't take that away because it's hard to work on yourself, it's really, really difficult. But it's so necessary. Like it is so necessary to understand what you can have once you start dealing with that. When did you finish the trauma reboot reboot course? That would have been August. August. So just really, really recent. And are you still feeling some of the effects from that? Like any given day, you're like, whoa, I just remembered that.

SPEAKER_01: 19:51

I had forgot about. Actually, do still get like just random memories and those kind of things. It doesn't hit me as hard as when it first started. Sure. Um, it's more just like, oh, well, that was a thing, instead of just this real emotional hit as well.

SPEAKER_00: 20:06

Yeah, yeah. I did a lot of when I started remembering a lot of things. When I went to prison at a pretty young age, they diagnosed me with PTSD. And I got mad about it because I thought that was bullshit. And I thought they were just trying to give me as some diagnosis so they could medicate me, right? I'm like, stop trying to make something happen. So you like I was mad, girl. I'm not even joking. I was like head spinning around, pissed off, right? Um, because I'm like, I'm not, I there's no no way I have PTSD. I thought, which a lot of people think, that's for veterans, right? That's for people that have been in war that have PTSD. Well, some of the things that we've been through in our childhood were war, and it was war. It was survival. You were in survival mode, and that is war. And then you live in it, right? You get stuck in survival mode. Um, and your body's in fight or flight your entire life, and you can't regulate. You self-regulate. So you have to do something to try to regulate those emotions, and that's where some of that stuff comes from. And getting that out and admitting some of those things kind of changes the traject trajectory of your nervous system, right? And that's when it starts feeling really different. And then when stuff pops up, you're like, okay, that makes sense, instead of having to cope in in negative ways. That's why I was kind of asking you how you were feeling like the download after that, you know?

SPEAKER_01: 21:25

Yeah, no, I it's honestly been very like I still look through my book sometimes because I'm like, you know what, I need to go back over this step. Because I'm having issues with whatever. I mean, really, um, I think we're talking about uh doing another one, uh, because I was the co-facilitator of the last one. The person that facilitated it wanted to do one and found out there wasn't one here in Oklahoma City, so he made one and wanted me to be in it with him. Even though I procrastinated for like a month and a half to two months after he asked me and I said yes. Then he was like, hey, it's down to the wire. We need to get through this. I'm like, okay.

SPEAKER_00: 22:05

I did the same thing. I did the same thing. I signed up to be the facilitator um for the Oklahoma City one, and then I got same thing. I was like, you know, and and I was group facilitating at that time just not with trauma reboot. Um, because I knew what all was gonna come up, right? I already knew how that was gonna go. And I was like, I don't know, do I want to share that with everybody? Now I'm like, yeah, I want to share it with everybody. Like I want to share everything with everybody because I think it's very, very helpful and gives other people hope.

SPEAKER_01: 22:36

So one one of the biggest issues that I had with starting it is that I was worried that it would bring up too much emotion at once and it would make me not be able to regulate and maybe lash out to my daughter or lash out at my daughter or not be as patient with her as I could be, or you know, I was worried about the effects on her. That's a really valid point. Really valid. Everything really honestly, the the reason I stopped drinking was because I found out I was pregnant. Um I was like, well, fetal alcohol syndrome is a thing, and I don't want to be the cause of that for my baby.

SPEAKER_00: 23:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 23:15

Um I mean, really, she's been my driving force since she's been born. Me and her father have actually lived separately for over a year because he had older children, the teenagers, and one of them was very violent and was using drugs and some other things, and we reached out to a lot of different people to try to get some help for them, and everyone just said good luck, essentially. Um, and there was several times we had to call the cops on him, different things like that, and then that was I decided I couldn't have my daughter in that situation anymore. So I I moved back home. And now it's so it's me and my daughter, and I also have my nephew and a couple of my nieces.

SPEAKER_00: 23:55

Good for you. The fact that you, I mean, you have really, really broke some generational curses, and I I can tell um just from the many times that I've talked to you, you're very compassionate, and you put others first. And I know that was hard, I'm sure, to you know, you were living with someone that you obviously cared about, and that's a hard thing to do. That's a hard thing to do. It broke my heart. Yeah. But you did what was right for your daughter. Had to make it you never had Yeah, and you never had anybody do that for you. So you made that happen. You acknowledged that and said, No, this is a no for me. This is a hard no, and she's not gonna see what I saw. That's huge, girl. That's that's some serious work that you've done on yourself.

SPEAKER_01: 24:45

Well, yeah, because I mean her dad was he's never he's a great dad did to her, and he's a great person to me. Just I don't want her to be in fear in her own home.

SPEAKER_00: 24:56

No, absolutely not. And that's fantastic that you did that, and that's not anything on him or his children. You saw something that wasn't working and you handled it. And um, that's huge. That's huge. So you're obviously a very strong person and resilient. And sometimes that's even hard because sometimes we don't want to be strong and we don't want to be resilient anymore. We just want good shit to happen. Like we're tired of being strong all the time, being the strong one. Peace. Peace, girl. I say it all the time. That is that is my thing. I I am I am single and I am very single by choice. Um, and I have people ask me, why? Like, why do you do that? That's silly, blah, blah, blah. I've had someone say, So you're really not gonna date until your son's out of high school, you're really this, you're really that. And I'll have guys that don't believe it or think I'm lying, like, you know, that whole it's me, it's really not you, don't believe that. That's my choice to make. That's not anybody else's, you know. I don't want drama and chaos in my life. I don't want drama and chaos around my son. I want peace in my own home. And this is my home, and I will have peace. And that's just and that's okay. I mean, it's okay to say that, right? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02: 26:08

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00: 26:09

And it feels good to come home to your own house with some peace.

SPEAKER_02: 26:13

Yes.

SPEAKER_00: 26:14

Um, and and I'm not saying that someone else couldn't bring peace, they probably could. I'm just not willing to take that chance with my child. That's fair. That's absolutely fair. Yeah. Um, so when I'm when I'm out there saying it's me, not you, I truly do that. It's my choice that I'm making, and I'm not even giving you the chance because I've made a boundary and a choice. So that's hard for people to understand sometimes, but it's a real thing. A lot of people don't understand boundaries. Yeah, really, really proud of you for that because it's you don't hear many say that. You have a business as well now.

SPEAKER_01: 26:49

I do. Actually, the whole reason I started my business when I did is that I worked for a commercial electrical company and got pregnant while I worked for them. And in their 30 years, they had never had a pregnant female electrician on site.

SPEAKER_02: 27:04

Yeah.

unknown: 27:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 27:05

Right. Wow. Yeah. I could see that. And they didn't know what to do, and they sat me on h like forced me to sit at home on FMLA and unfortunately couldn't get a discrimination case against them going. But after about two months of that, I responded and I was like, hey, you know, I'm pretty sure this is discrimination. They brought me back to the same building that I had been working on. Um, like, because my limitations were you couldn't I couldn't work on a ladder, I couldn't lift over 50 pounds by myself, and I couldn't dig a ditch. But I knew how to read blueprints, I knew how to run guys, I could do all these other things. I mean, it was not that I couldn't do the things, it's just that they didn't want to accommodate me. And so uh I went back for a little bit until about a month before my daughter was born, and then my FMLA ran out before she was about a week before she was born. And so I was terminated yet rehirable. And after that, I decided I didn't want to work for anybody else. During the time I was doing the electrical work with the commercial company, I would because I lived alone. Um, I had my own house, I had a cat, and I would work and then get off work and do side work, essentially. And so I built already people that knew and trusted my work before I even started my business. And so that was really helpful. And then December of 22, my daughter was about seven months old then, and I just decided I'm like, you know what? I've got 200 bucks in my bank account, I've got uh the knowledge that I have and the tools that I have. And so I got my LLC and got all that set up, and so December will be the start of four years in business. So it's just been it's been hard because I I am a tool person. I work in the field doing the paperwork and the computer work and all that stuff does not bring me joy.

SPEAKER_02: 28:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 28:57

I do not like it. Do not like it. And that's been but yeah, I own Miss Handy Hands LLC. We do pretty much anything from just small home repairs, like if you got a hole in your sheetrock, to if you need a door or window changed out to add-ons and full house remodels. We actually just partnered with Generac. We're now a certified Generac dealer and installer. So that's that was really exciting. That happened almost like maybe three weeks ago.

SPEAKER_00: 29:26

Congratulations, that's awesome.

SPEAKER_01: 29:28

Thank you. That's what we it started out bad. Like I didn't put my daughter in daycare till she was about 10 months old. She would go with me everywhere. And then she started moving around and she did not like the pack and plays, and I couldn't have her sitting inside a pack and plays screaming in a client's home. And so I'm like, okay, well, let's I guess we'll find somebody to watch you because the way I grew up, I couldn't trust anybody. Like the first person that I had watch her, like I was in tears on her couch, just like, I can't leave my daughter with you. You seem like a good person, but that doesn't I know that that doesn't matter. Just because you seem one way doesn't mean you are one way. Yeah, it's definitely hard. It's it's unfortunate, but it's a fact. And so I mean I've got you know five people, including myself on payroll. I'm working with several other people to try to get just to to scale, grow it because my end goal is to be able to homeschool my daughter. She she'll be four in April, so it's getting close. So I want to be able to homeschool her and still be able to provide. About two months ago, I went from one to four children overnight through a emergency kinship situation, a foster situation. And that's been a real struggle with you know, it definitely because they range from middle age or middle school to toddler. And that's kind of made it harder for me to be out in the field because now I've got my schedules way shortened because of what their schedules look like. And it's been hard on me and my daughter, because you know, she's used to just having her and mock. And the only way I can really tell her is that, you know, just because there's more people doesn't mean I don't love you just as much, just means there's more love because there's more. people to to love. And, you know, being three and a half, I don't know how much of that she understands, but I try to, you know, carve out the little moments. But I I digress. Uh the so from where I was, you know, even ten years ago, I would not have I wouldn't have told you that I would be here today. I don't know if I I mean really I've been clean almost eleven, but during that first year s of sobriety from from drugs at least. Like that was that was still no way for me to live my life. And really like I said, I didn't stop drinking until I got pregnant, which would have been or when I found out I was pregnant, which was August of twenty one. So I actually just passed oh well, four years. Four years? And it's been like I I don't know if the well actually you know I know that my quality of life is a million times better than it used to be. Like the the alcohol was just something to mask, something to because I mean even though I wasn't drunk during the day at work, it made it to our where I probably just didn't remember those parts of my life because the amount I was consuming. What do you do now? What do you use now as coping skills for yourself? So now I like surprise or random dance parties with my daughter. I love that. That's awesome. That's awesome. We do a lot of singing and a lot of dancing. That's awesome. I try to I I do grounding techniques. I do a lot of the deep breathing techniques. Sometimes these kids I love them but yeah I gotta breathe. Yeah you gotta breathe well I've taught my daughter to breathe like a dragon thing and that actually works for her less and she thinks it's silly but she also uses it for the deep breathing so I can do it too. Um I do a lot of I do a lot of reading. I try to take at least a day to myself over the weekend to like go and play Magic the gathering card game which is which I really like. That's awesome.

SPEAKER_00: 33:19

So yeah I really I like being outside too anything outdoors so that's really so from when I first met you and it it has been a few years now I think um your vibe your energy right now your whole demeanor you are so calm like you are so much more grounded right like I could when you messaged me a couple days ago I could even feel in your message I know what I want and I know what I'm doing. Period end of story I'm handling this like I could feel it right and I see that from you now which is freaking awesome girl just amazing and awesome it really truly is to see that for someone to see someone in the midst of healing is freaking beautiful. Really truly is um and I'm really really happy for you and I'm really proud of you for taking those steps um because we know it's not easy right it's not easy necessary. I was terrified I was terrified I was like I'm gonna become my mom and do something terrible to my like literally in my head which I know it's not rational but but it we do what we know right if we don't break it or change it we do what we know we have to change it rewire it break it and do something learn to do something different and so it those are valid thoughts really being rational and thinking those thoughts is really what helped you in saying I need to work on this because I don't want to be that I mean yes absolutely you did it thank you I have zero doubt that you will do exactly what you say you're gonna do homeschooling your daughter being able to run the crew from where you're at and being able to do those things I have zero doubt. You don't you don't know this but I know some people that you used to work for before we even spoke the Augustines um I used to work for RR so I I know somebody that you used to work for um who spoke I still do work for you still do? Oh yes and they called me actually last week for something and they spoke very highly of you always always and that was before I really knew who you were right so I had heard your name and then the the night that I met you I'm like oh my gosh that's that's her. And I have to point out another thing that I was so drawn to you for that you don't even know this. You came to the networking event right after work. You had literally flew there from right after work from the job that you were on to make sure you got there and you were just you. You were just yourself you were you you had some pain on your face you had some pain on your clothes and you're like I'm here to grow people that's it and I thought that was so freaking awesome that you did that that I knew you were ready to heal like that made me go you know what she wants to share her story but she's not ready yet but she will be she will be yes I feel like I wanted to be ready and I was more down on myself that I kept you know no I get it I totally get it I totally get it and it was not a big deal because you you have to be ready to do that. You have to be ready to to heal and get some things out and look how much you've learned about yourself through this process right and learned what you learned what you knew what you didn't want you knew what you didn't want but now you even know more of what you do want and that's amazing that's amazing right our stories help us know what we don't want anymore for sure. Healing helps us learn a little bit more about what we do want. Yes and that's pretty cool.

SPEAKER_01: 36:54

That is have you done breath work with Sherry yet I have not I've always been nervous about it because of the PTSD and stuff because I know there are some things that I still don't remember and I don't know if that could bring something like that up. Um so I don't know like I because I've always thought about it it just terrifies me because like you know don't want to like have a mental break or something. I don't think that that could cause that but I know that it can be very intense.

SPEAKER_00: 37:23

Absolutely 100% it definitely can be you know body keeps the score right and it gets stored in there until you get it out. And so if there's things that you think that you haven't really dealt with that you are worried how they're gonna show up, those are valid, valid points. Getting things out of our bodies are really important so we don't keep stuffing them. And that's why I was asking you about coping skills that you use now and things that you've learned over the years to do, you know, that that you some you've been taught some you've figured out right on what works. And and it's very cool that you're teaching your daughter too because I taught my son also breathing when he was young and he still does it. Like I'll still see him go, you know, I'll still see and I'll say just breathe just breathe you know and I still see him do that. And that's huge like people don't understand how big that is it sounds so silly when you say breathing techniques but that's what regulates your nervous system right and so there's nothing silly about regulating your system right and not flying off the handle or not getting angry or not saying things that you're gonna regret or doing things you're gonna regret or you know hurting someone or whatever it may be because we're not regulated, right? And so those little things those techniques and that grounding that really does help. Um I so get that completely. Yeah and you have you do have to be conscious of that right that you're not doing something that's gonna take you to a bad place. So I commend you for that. And I think again that's one of the things that you have to be ready for. Yes. It does yeah so you have some good goals right you've got some good goals moving forward.

SPEAKER_01: 38:55

I do actually and I end up you know growing my company to where you know I have the freedom to you know do the things that I need to do but also um like one of my big things is making sure the people that work for me are taken care of. Like they like I I I provide insurance for my guys. Like I'm still you know less than 10 employees but they have benefits if they want 'em um I I mean they the ones that I have have always taken care of me so I just try to take care of them. It's just been really awesome to see something that where it started out with, well I'm just gonna have a handyman company and I'm just gonna do things to well now I have a handyman team. Moving forward and been able to grow and just do the damn thing really just it's it's yeah I would not have if you would have if if I were to talk to even you know especially younger me like teenage me or anything I wouldn't have believed it. I would have I would have told you then that now I'll be dead before I'm 20. You know like that was that was really what I thought. I didn't think that I would survive past into like into my twenties. And but here I am my daughter's doing great. She's a rambunctious little tornado and I love her. She she's so much fun. Exhaust I'm able to keep my my nephew and my nieces out of the system that I didn't want them to ever go to.

SPEAKER_00: 40:26

Is that why you're doing this is that why you're is that why you took them because you cannot have them go to the system.

SPEAKER_01: 40:34

Yes absolutely I could not um I couldn't bear to think of it they uh you know the the stuff that I witnessed and the stuff that I went through in the system with the people that they screened. You know I I don't know if the screening's gotten better or maybe people just got better at lying or both. You know like you can get past a lot of that stuff. I couldn't I could not bear the thought of them going to the system.

SPEAKER_00: 40:57

You know I totally get that I totally understand that and I commend you for that because that cannot be easy. You were already a single mom right and now you're more you've you've added more to your plate but you're doing it. You're doing it and you have conviction with it and that's that's pretty cool. That's pretty cool.

SPEAKER_01: 41:19

I mean I I love them I already had a really good relationship with them um except for the past year of after the guy that my sister's dating now moved in. After that I didn't have any connection with him but before that they were at my house you know every weekend because my sister worked in a diner and so they were required to work weekends. So they were at my house from Friday to Sunday anyway because hey it's anti time. Yeah. So I mean the that that helps a lot that they already knew who I was I know it would be a lot harder on them if they were going someplace that they didn't Yeah for sure for sure.

SPEAKER_00: 41:57

So are you guys able to are you able to give them routine and structure and do they understand it?

SPEAKER_01: 42:03

Um so the the the oldest the 12 year old he was kind of the parentified child um to the two and the eight year old uh anything that either one of them needed he was made to do he was always a scapegoat about everything. So I mean he really his hardest thing is when mom doesn't show up for visits or um whatever that happens relatively often. The eight year old doesn't like to do anything for herself she likes to use weaponized incompetence like oh I can't do it oh I'm weak this because her brother's always done everything for her. And so trying to initiate a structure now whenever you know the past year they they have told me that they slept in the car because they didn't have a place to go. You know there's a two eight and twelve year old they've slept in the car because they didn't have any place to go. If they didn't go to daycare they didn't eat just all these things that you know they are not used to that. They're not used to the structure they're not used to and so it's it's hard implementing that and I know that I have to give them a little bit of grace but I also have to remain consistent. Like for as long as they've known me if Auntie says something if Auntie says no it's no like it's just what it is and they're not used to that. And so it's been a struggle but it's been one of those things that I try to remain conscientious about where they've been and where they come from and implement it in such a way that maybe you know doesn't seem so harsh or doesn't seem like it so much or so it's really a learning process. For everybody for everybody right for everybody. And have having grown up in trauma myself I can understand some of those things. I can understand some of the behaviors or how they're feeling with different things which is a great insight I I believe not that I would I would prefer to not have the insight but that I because I do have the insight I'm grateful that I have it especially in a situation like this.

SPEAKER_00: 44:03

You know our our lives have a funny way of of coming around right and being right where we need to be when we need to be there and you just said it if you didn't have the insight would you be able to do this? I don't know.

SPEAKER_01: 44:15

I feel like I would take it more maybe not personally and personally is probably not the right word but I think Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 44:23

More like a burden or like a like like a why me and now you're like why not me? You know? Exactly absolutely I and I think not me then who yeah and I think that's pretty um profound really because it's breaking those generational curses and you can actually help them break them for the next cycle of their life too. They don't know that yet right they don't know it yet and they're gonna fight it for a while right but there's gonna be a point when they go wow there was someone that took us in that didn't have to that really loved us and they didn't have to do that right they weren't my mom they weren't my dad they didn't have to do that they wanted to do that. And that gives you self-worth as a child right that gives you some self-worth so maybe they don't get it yet because we got to give them grace right but but I I when they do and and they will it's gonna be pretty amazing.

SPEAKER_01: 45:16

You know it's gonna they're gonna be great. I mean they're they're great kids anyway like honestly they're just need love need lots of love lots of concern we all do right we all do we all need lots of love and and we don't all get lots of love right and that's truly what I think we're supposed to be about in this world.

SPEAKER_00: 45:34

Wherever it went wrong, I don't know but I think it's supposed to be about love and grace and uh learning and not judgment and um figuring out our purpose and our mission and breaking those curses, breaking those cycles that we know didn't serve us well so that the next generation doesn't have to go through that. And I think that's how we get better as a as a people you know as a nation I think that's how we get better. I I hope that's what I feel in my heart. I hope that's the truth but that's how I truly feel um and I and I can see that with you too. So so how do you feel tonight coming on here and sharing?

SPEAKER_01: 46:09

I feel like I was way more nervous than I should have been and really the fact that you know I I can tell my story without getting super emotional or super stressed out about it. It it's a great feeling because that means that I'm healing. Yes right I never thought that I would be able to heal I thought that I was broken beyond repair.

SPEAKER_00: 46:28

Yep not broken cracks are where the light shines through and we just have to find the light right and we have to have the strength to find that light to let it shine through and use it for others and use it for others hope and strength and encouragement and um the patience you know having that patience of waiting until someone's ready because you can't share that hope and light and encouragement if you're not ready.

SPEAKER_02: 46:50

Yes.

SPEAKER_00: 46:50

Right and uh nothing wrong with being emotional whatsoever right there's nothing wrong with that. But as we grew up and I know I'm sure that you grew up this way too showing emotion was weakness. And um we have had to learn as we get older that it's actually a strength. And finally learning that is so freeing to learn that showing emotion is actually a huge huge strength. To be able to self-regulate and to show emotion and let it out and not have to keep dealing with it is a huge strength. So it's pretty cool. So thank you so much for coming on tonight, for sharing for being open and vulnerable and um just for doing the damn thing, you know? Just for doing it and uh and doing it well and and doing it with love. Doing it with love for others is pretty darn important. So thank you. Thank you for absolutely and I'm I'm super glad to have you.