To Belong

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Transcript

[00:00:33] Yemi: Welcome back fam. So I don't know how short or how long this particular podcast will be because at the time of recording this I'm having an off day. An off day being that I've decided to turn off from being around people because my body and somewhat of my soul and spirit is saying just lay low. Stay horizontal, do the things that fill your cup, but don't feel the need to socialize.

[00:01:11] And I'm grateful that I get to have that choice today because in 24 hours I'll be speaking to a room full of 800 people talking about being rebelliously curious in order to revolutionize their industry. So I say all of that to say, I don't know what version of Yemi's showing up. And if you've been listening to me or you know my work, you know that I unsubscribe from all forms of fuckery involving working till we can work no more.

[00:01:50] So thank you for holding space as I be the most authentic, sometimes messy version of myself. I want to talk about belonging. And I'm talking about this because literally two days ago I gave a 20 minute keynote on the need we all have to belong. And the curious rebel that I am had more questions that I posed to myself and to the audience.

[00:02:21] Because in order for me to talk about belonging, which one definition is this innate desire for us to be seen and heard. And for identity, even though sometimes this can create wars, but we want our identity to be acknowledged and to be celebrated. We all want that. And first, I needed to name a few things.

[00:02:48] As with everything, I needed to name the traumatic events that stop us from feeling like we belong. I'm also really interested in whose responsibility is it to ensure everybody belongs? Is it realistic? I mean, history leaves clues, right? So if the history we have had for as long as we have had,

[00:03:16] whose responsibility is it for us to belong? Is it mine? Is it yours? Is it theirs? These are the questions that I was posing to the audience, to myself, to yourself. I want to know the answer. Because One of the questions I asked is where are we trying to belong to? Are we wanting to belong in the workplace?

[00:03:46] In the community? In a country that is different from our own? And how and who as labeled what is our own country? Because where I currently spend most of my time, which is in Australia, but now begin to spend a lot more time in America, do I belong in any of these places? Is it the first nations, the original custodians of the lands that belong there?

[00:04:13] Am I a guest? I asked these questions and I know someone might say, don't overthink it, but the whole belonging concepts, the word came and has come about in the whole diversity and inclusion piece in work. And I'm happy to be told different it. But before we just start using words, can we figure out what our individual and collective meaning of it is?

[00:04:41] Because one thing I post to the audience is, first, you got to belong to yourself before you start having this desire to belong elsewhere, because sometimes we're just running around trying to achieve stuff when we have not been very clear on the goal. The second question I asked was, In order for me to belong, does that mean I displace other people?

[00:05:07] Now I know why I asked this question and I'm a bit of a cheeky fucker but I will always give it a go. I truly believe especially with the, it feels like the increase of domestic violence against women in particular and a few other people that I won't name, is there sometimes is a fear for men in the whole gender conversation.

[00:05:37] I think there is a fear, not for all men obviously, possibly not those of you listening, but even if you are listening, just be really honest with yourself. If there is a fear sometimes that you feel like your identity is trying to be completely erased because a lot more focus is being given on women. or non white people.

[00:05:58] Like I really want to invite you to ask yourself whether there is an underlying belief in you that says, for somebody else to belong, will that mean I will be displaced? Because until we have that conversation, we're going to start seeing more erratic behavior and potentially more harm because we have not even addressed this.

[00:06:26] Now, a conversation I had after someone came up to me and said, whoa, that second question you posed on if we displace other people by belonging, I felt was important because I think that's what a lot of the men in mining, now we're speaking to women in mining but obviously there were a lot of men in there as well, that a lot of the pushback within that particular industry was, she felt, men who were beginning to be fearful of the fact that they don't think there's any other space.

[00:07:00] And I said, well, let's also address another elephant in the room. If we have all been born into and brought into a world where one particular group Or a few groups, i. e. it could be male, it could be heterosexual, it could be white. If at some point, I don't know, way before our time, an agreement was made that this particular eye form of identities will be the ones that rule, and if we have created a system whereby different identities rule, then we have to acknowledge that there might not be Enough seats at the table for the change of gods.

[00:07:41] Now this is me speaking hypothetically, but we have to have this conversation. If however we are saying there is enough space at the table, enough resources in the world for everybody to have a seat at the table. And for everybody to belong, then we should also say that because how we do it becomes more important than anything else.

[00:08:06] And the last question I posed to the audience was, Does the desire and birthright to belong rely on superiority? and inferiority complexes.

[00:08:27] Can only those with a superior complex belong? And those with inferior complexes, are they the ones that don't belong? And do both of them therefore contribute to the fact that we have to even have this conversation? So I kind of feel like My cup is empty right now. I've said what I wanted to say but I want to hear what comes up for you and I love that some of you come into my Instagram inbox or my email and you tell me what's come up for you.

[00:09:08] Please keep doing that because although I've had one guest I'm still not there fully yet to have more guests but I'd want to do this more over time but for now let's have this dialogue offline as they call it. And hopefully in the near future, I can have you online on this podcast. So tell me what's come up for you, but if there's anything I can leave you with, you belong boo.

[00:09:35] I don't care if you are a white, heterosexual male. I don't care if you are transgender, non binary, black, Indian, Asian. I mean, I'm saying I don't care. I do care about you. But what I'm saying is, the identity I see in you is your soul. You belong. Know this today and always. And no matter how tired I am, or how much of an off day I'm having, I will always fight for your right to have a seat at the table.

[00:10:14] I love you.