Escape to Bali

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Transcript

[00:00:00] Yemi: It's been a minute. I am in Bali. I decided to take myself off for a much needed rest. I didn't realize that 2024 was, and even though I'm still firmly in it, a year where I was taking part in the biggest fight of my life. And I only realized I was in that fight the morning I was to defend my PhD. And defend is a term used in the US, but in Australia, which is where I'm currently undertaking my PhD, it's the pre submission.

[00:01:11] It's the final milestone of three and a bit years of researching and really delving into a topic. And although there'll be many, Many, many episodes about my PhD and my findings, which I'm just going to share over the course of 2025. I want to talk about the fact that I was in a fight that I didn't know I was in.

[00:01:36] And it was only when I knew I was coming towards the end of one of the biggest milestones. Now I say one of the biggest, 2024 saw me get married. This is my second marriage. 2024 saw my daughter finish year 12 and ask those kind of existential questions of what the fuck do I do now? And I don't even know what to tell her because I'm fully aware that I have enrolled her in a system that can be quite challenging to get out of.

[00:02:11] And so trying to give her advice and guidance. That gives her more freedom than the average human being has been tough, but I'll come back to that. So there were three key things that I knew 2024 was going to do to work my ass. It was to have a soon to be 18 year old finishing high school with options of going into higher education or getting a job.

[00:02:40] And I'm sure there are other options there, but. You know, we don't have much possibility of that yet. The other one was getting married and the other one was my PhD. My PhD pre submission defense milestone tips me over the edge. The morning of that I was meant to present, I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't stop crying.

[00:03:01] It was, Crying, laughter. I mean, if anyone had seen me in the car recording an Insta video, they would have thought this chick is having a breakdown and maybe I was. I mean, we refer to breakdowns as this thing that finishes your life, but it's actually you breaking down everything you've been holding up on your shoulders for days, weeks, months, years, some people decades, some people generations.

[00:03:30] And. It was really cathartic. It really was. I think there were moments in the whole of 2024 that I would have wanted to do this, but there was a fear that if I let go, what if I couldn't put myself back together? I successfully completed my milestone, so I'm Yemi Penn. Just have a few more things I need to clean up, tidy up, really tighten to make this research something I'm very proud of.

[00:04:03] And it was a great feeling and I knew I needed to tread carefully. I knew that based on the things that I was feeling the morning of the presentation, my body could just go into full on shock mode. So I kind of kept my foot on the gas and just kept on doing little pieces of work. And I also knew that it was going to take a lot to unwind me, which is why booking Bali in kind of last minute with my husband was something I needed to do.

[00:04:36] I knew, and this has come up in my research, I knew I needed to leave the source of trauma. And I'm laughing because That requires unpacking in itself. So distance and geography is a big thing that's come out from my research, meaning that people who wanted part of the transformation process was to distance themselves.

[00:04:57] Some, some people it was distancing on a plane. Some people it was distancing geographically. I often talk about escapism being a big issue. key focus of my life and how I can operate, but just thought it was my own personal quirk. But in actual fact, geography and distance is really important. And I don't think that you have to be distant from it forever, but there is a period.

[00:05:22] And so I knew coming to Bali was really important for me. Like I knew I needed to leave Sydney where I was at the time I presented my, um, PhD research and findings and come somewhere else. But unfortunately, the morning we were meant to travel, we got two text messages that said our flights were delayed and we'd need to be traveling the dead of night.

[00:05:42] And that was when my body started breaking down. It started to break down and I just had to tell my mind because my body was doing what it needed to do. My body has held me for a long time. This beautiful body of mine has been keeping me together, but my mind started to split and say, I need to get out of here.

[00:06:00] I can't be mom. for the next couple of days. I need to care for me. And I was able to lean on my village, of which a big part of that is my children and a few babysitters and household managers, and just go to our house on the lake. And I know I speak with a number of privileges and what I'm saying, and I'm okay owning that.

[00:06:23] But went to our house on the lake, by the lake. And just decompressed a little bit before we could get a flight. But I knew that part of my safety was to get away. Oh, I'm four days in. And although there's a little bit of panic that is coming to an end because one must return and care for children, one must return and make that money to pay the bills.

[00:06:48] But after a couple of days, I started to unwind. I also knew that I needed to go somewhere where my body could be loved on, and she could be given the absolute freedom to be anything she wanted to be. And so I went to an ecstatic dance in Ubud in Bali at the yoga barn, which is built on the five rhythms, which is just this process of taking you through different kind of music, genres of music and beats.

[00:07:17] And you don't use phones, there's no talking. You let your body do the talking. I've been to a few of these before, but this one was different. This one I did not give a fuck who was in the room. This one I was going to get out of my head as soon as possible. It was great to have my husband with me, and we knew we were next to each other, but we barely locked eyes.

[00:07:42] I was there for my own personal journey. And I know he was as well. And it was the most divine thing I've ever done and needed. So much got taken out of my body. So much wisdom got given to me. Like I know my body's inflamed. I know my body's inflamed from the stress, the stresses of life. You know, people think we should avoid all forms of stress.

[00:08:10] Newsflash, stress is the very act of living. Stress when managed appropriately is part of our growth. It's how we manage it. And I knew that I had a lot this year and I asked my guides and that's why at the beginning of this year, I went on a seven day silent retreat to prepare myself because I knew there would not be many windows to pause and to reflect.

[00:08:35] But my body came and said, baby girl, you're inflamed. To the rest of the world it might just look like, Ooh, yummy's put on weight. But it's more than that. It's the disturbed sleep. It's the choosing a food that gives me the immediate temporary relief like a drug.

[00:08:58] Even the mind. And there was something really empowering and kind of soothing in that knowledge. So when I walk past the mirror and I would have thought, Ooh, Yemi, what's going on with your arms and your back and your face? All the things we do, all the things I do, that don't love on me. I look in the mirror and say, Oh baby, you're inflamed.

[00:09:34] But we're going to work through that.

[00:09:39] So I think I share this as a form of catharsis for me and an offering for you. What is it you need to get distant from? Where is it you need to escape to? Even temporarily, because I know we all have responsibilities. And if I can invite you to read Tricia Hersey's book, she's got two books, Rest is the Resistance, and I forget the other name, but We Will Rest.

[00:10:04] The We Will Rest, I just read that one. And she talks about us designing an escape plan from the grind. Now, hear me, there are many things that I know we do, but let's get to a position of what is it we can get away with that we don't have to. Where can we be smart and tap into our trickster energy and figure out a way that we can rest?

[00:10:32] I don't mind being busy, but it's got to be on purpose. And I've got to know well before I'm about to break. that I need to escape. For now, that's the plan I've been running on, but I'm about to go deeper. So to whoever is listening, start getting creative with your escape plan. Rest, and find distance from wherever the source of trauma is, even if it is required of you to return to that space.

[00:11:07] As always, I appreciate you and I love co creating this with you and getting your messages. I love you.