Blue Collar Business Podcast
Welcome to the Blue Collar Business Podcast with Sy Kirby. Dive deep into the world of hands-on entrepreneurship and the gritty side of making things happen. Join us for actionable tips on scaling your blue-collar business, managing teams, and staying ahead in an ever-evolving market. We'll also discuss the latest industry trends and innovations that could impact your bottom line. If you're passionate about the blue-collar world and eager to learn from those who've thrived in it, this podcast is a must-listen. Stay tuned for engaging conversations and real-world advice that can take your blue-collar business to new heights.
Blue Collar Business Podcast
Ep. 52 - How We Stopped Fighting About Work
Marriage and business make for a volatile mix, as Sy and Sara Kirby candidly reveal in this vulnerable exploration of conflict communication and emotional safety. After nearly a decade of working side-by-side in their blue-collar business, they've weathered storms that would sink many relationships – and emerged with hard-won wisdom about keeping both enterprises afloat.
The couple pulls back the curtain on their evolution from "loud and fast" arguments in early marriage to more methodical disagreements now, sharing how they've created systems that work for their opposite communication styles. Sy, the emotional pursuer who wants to resolve issues immediately, has learned to give space to Sara, who needs time to process before engaging. Their bathroom has become neutral territory for these crucial conversations, away from kids and distractions.
What makes this episode particularly valuable is their practical approach to preventing work-home bleedthrough. "When you work with your spouse," Sara explains, "all the problems at home are still problems when you go to the office, and all the problems at work are still problems at home." Their solution? Creating dedicated spaces where business talk is off-limits, allowing them to fully engage as spouses and parents.
Perhaps most powerfully, they share their weekly "marriage calendar check" strategy and challenge listeners to use the "pause button" technique during heated moments. By acknowledging that feelings are never wrong while recognizing that emotions can lead you down unhelpful paths, they've developed a framework for resolving conflicts without destroying what matters most.
Whether you work with your spouse or simply struggle with keeping work stress from damaging your relationship, this raw, honest conversation offers both comfort and practical tools to strengthen your connection during life's inevitable conflicts.
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Hey guys, welcome to the Blue Collar Business Podcast, where we discuss the realest, rawest, most relevant stories and strategies behind building every corner of a blue collar business. I'm your host, cy Kirby, and I want to help you in what it took me trial and error and a whole lot of money to learn the information that no one in this industry is willing to share. Welcome back to another episode of the Blue Collar Business Podcast. Guys, and brought to you and sponsored today by PodcastVideoscom, loving this date night series that we've been bringing you guys, and from all the messages and emails that I've had just from the, rather the first episode, I think that was the the best episode, uh, out of these four part, but um, we've got part three coming at you today on conflict communication and emotional safety.
Speaker 1:Here we we go again, boys and girls. So if you're running a business, working long hours, maybe even working with your spouse, you know how easy it is for your marriage and your relationship to take a quick backseat to everything else that's going on around you. Guys, kids, it could be work. If you work together, it could be just about anything, but we're carving out some time here, no distractions, just me and my beautiful lady over there across the table, just honest talk about the stuff that matters most and that's intimacy, time, communication and, ultimately, our future. With that said, today's episode is all about really circled around conflict and communication, and other words, how to handle disagreements without wrecking your marriage for the work date. So let's get into it. And the last last couple episodes we kind of did this appetizer first course, second course, dessert and in that dessert we kind of give you guys a challenge and hopefully that you know you guys are getting some value out of this. So, um, furthermore, mala Bear, thanks for joining me today.
Speaker 2:I'm excited to be here.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the the amount of emails so honestly that I got was astounding and the amount of people that and I really put myself out there as you guys watched me squirm and Sarah loved it, she was just like oh, all these cool questions, and here I'm over here and I'm like yeah.
Speaker 1:So I'm glad we're past part one and part two, but part three today is talking about the arguments that we get in at home, the arguments we get in at work bring home, or arguments that we have at home bring to work, and how do you find ways to separate them and what do we do to combat those arguments. After almost a decade in here together doing this, it's been an extreme challenge up to this point, but we have learned. Number one, each other, but number two truly tried to find ways to make it different than what it was before, because it was rough at one point, and we're gonna talk about all that today, guys. So, furthermore, first question Mama, let's get into this. What are some of the dumbest arguments we've ever had as a couple?
Speaker 2:That's hard one, because I feel like I don't know if I can give any examples, but no, I mean like, but I feel like when we were first married, we had really dumb arguments Like over, just like the silliest stuff, like over, just like the silliest stuff. And I would say those because as we've progressed through this, we've just kind of like learned each other and like we've grown as people, and so I don't know if I have like any like actual examples of like when did we argue about something really dumb?
Speaker 1:I will tell you, young marriage and young business is not a good combo. And it's to your point, it's the silliest things, that I want to be right and you want to be right, and that's, I think, more or less. Instead of just taking a backseat and going, oh nope, this is her world, I should probably turn my ears in, rather than just assume that I know how she's feeling, or assume that this is the way the kids are feeling, et cetera. How about you ask homeboy, but in terms of tables here, there's a lot of things that you do not understand why.
Speaker 2:I'm like meh, you know about it.
Speaker 1:And I think it takes. I think we've learned to go back and forth and see that I'm upsetting her. I don't know why. Hey, what did I just say something? How did you just take that? But the dumb, silly arguments I think just in young marriage like I think we're just.
Speaker 1:I've got to be this macho man and I'm going to prove I'm right every single time. And one thing about Sarah guys, I'll let you in on she's hardhead. She's maybe a slightly bit of stubborn, but, honestly, a trait of a great quality leader is to be hardheaded and keep pushing through. But you've got to be able to set that aside when you need to learn too, and that's been hard for both of us. But, I've learned some hard lessons there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I think that we've kind of also learned that like communicating with each other.
Speaker 1:Communication sure does help.
Speaker 2:It's our little jingle.
Speaker 1:It's our little jingle, it's my little jingle when I'm looking at her I'm like this is really dumb what we're fighting about. Just talk to me.
Speaker 2:And that's typically like what it is. It's like the silly things that we've just let past story about shouldn't be, but we didn't communicate. Like, hey, when you said this, the way that you said, it got under my skin. Like those are the things that I think that are dumb.
Speaker 2:Like you know, it's not really necessarily like a topic but it's just those like silly things that in passing you will say something like under your breath or oh my gosh, there's like clutter everywhere or you know whatever like around the house and I'm like what do you mean? I've been at home with the kids for the last two months and like I can't clean up anything without 50 other things getting taken out.
Speaker 1:And you don't mean it that way, but I take it that way and because I'm not like hey, yeah, hurt my feelings, I'm going to jump on that train because I think some of the dumbest arguments that I believe that we create and honestly it can still happen to this day in stressful moments is that I can literally give a face.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:It makes me so mad. I'm like, and it may be something about my thought process from Tuesday, three weeks ago, in that moment, but Sarah can say something and I can make a face and she just automatically assumes exactly how I feel how I've been, how I've been for the last six hours and what I was worried about my next task.
Speaker 1:Like I can just make a face and and then, if I it's not, I gotta say when I see fight, we don't. Oh, we've had our knockdown drag outs over 11 years. Everybody, everybody, has next month's 11 years, by the way, sweet.
Speaker 1:Like yes but, honestly, we have figured out how to chisel into a communication that even in the hardest moments, we we still figure out how to actually talk to each other. But those are the some of the dumbest arguments that we don't even get to communicate. And we already just and I've done it too absolutely by your body language, I just assume, because you're not like super vibrant but this is exactly how I feel.
Speaker 1:Here's my heart, like your husband is, and actually I know we're just still here on this appetizer here but I'm probably more the emotional one. You guys heard that in part one, part two, and I teared. Yeah, saw me tear up a couple times, but normally I am the more emotional one.
Speaker 2:It's just how I'm wired and um so would you say that you are um the one that carries more of the feelings inside and then doesn't want it out, or that was me.
Speaker 1:Well, I think we both do it in our own ways.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:We both carry different burdens for each other. I agree.
Speaker 1:Mental burdens and like, let's be honest, here we've put ourselves in positions in business because we didn't want to share this or that to start a fight. We'll get into that a little bit more here in the show. But like, no, I agree, we didn't want to share this or that to start a fight, and we'll get into that a little bit more here in the show. But like, no, I agree, I agree, and you know, would you say, I'm going to fire this one right back at you. Mama, would you say we tend to fight or argue loud, fast, or more quiet, methodical, slow, and has that changed over the years?
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I would say the first part of our marriage was loud and fast, Like yeah, and you know, I feel like we both didn't understand that we are creating a life together, and that means that there's two imperfect people that are trying to figure out how to move in life together, simultaneously.
Speaker 1:And trying to be perfect for one another.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yes, and then we would just explode and then, and then once, like it opened up, it was just chaos, right. And then now I feel like we are much more methodical on disagreements. Like we, there's appropriate and inappropriate times to state your feelings and frustrations and aggravations, and so I feel like now it's like a slow build to our disagreements, and I wouldn't even say that they're like we fight, like we don't. We don't have fights where, like I would typically say, we fight, we just have disagreements, but they're much more level-headed now than when we first got married, you know.
Speaker 1:And we know how to listen, how you want to be listened to.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and me as well.
Speaker 1:Yes, Because we, it's funny, the one part of communication you know, well, you don't say enough. Well, that's one struggle. But there's also a part of communication where you don't listen enough.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I failed at that. I could say yeah. Because I'm over here on the business track, business track, business track, business track. How can you not see how important this is? And you're over here, family track, family track, family track, business, family track, family. You know jumping, and so am I. No-transcript Back to our burdens and our shelves. Mental shelves is you have mental shelves on the family side and I have mental shelves on the business side and we both need to take them off the shelf and present them every once in a while, so we can avoid before the shelf explodes.
Speaker 2:Exactly Well, and I think that people often hear communication and they think like, okay, that's me communicating something to my spouse, but in communication there's really two parts of it, and if you don't listen with open ears because it's not always necessarily what you are saying that I'm hearing, with on the forefront, you know what I mean. Like I have to like actually listen to not only the words that you say, but like you know the meaning behind them, the context.
Speaker 1:And delivery.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean? Yeah, and that sometimes changes what you are trying to tell me. You know. And if I don't do that, then I also think environment is another one.
Speaker 1:And that kind of leads us into the first course of the day. You're starting us off here, yes, but environment is so huge in communication I can tell you one thing, and there's three kids screaming around us, but this is so important I got to get it off my chest. You're looking at me like I can't even think right now.
Speaker 2:I'm not listening to anything that you have to say.
Speaker 1:Baby crying and you know I've had to learn that. But go ahead, mo.
Speaker 2:Well, have you ever carried a work argument home or a home argument to the job site, and how did it affect your day?
Speaker 1:Oh, I can't stand when we're at each other's throats and I'm probably the quicker one to apologize because I can't get anything done, just because it's so much easier for me just to apologize, and even if I don't even know what's transpired. But it definitely drastically affects who I am and what I'm doing throughout the day, how I deal with problems, how quick I can deal with the guys, how I can deal with customers, how I talk to customers I can deal with the guys, how I can deal with customers, how I talk to customers, because it will always hold, and I think this is where people kind of screw up is that you're always going, you and the kids will always hold that first position in my head, always, even throughout the day, the times that I'm thinking.
Speaker 1:I may not be acting on things, but the things I'm thinking of is, you know that, that first position of family, well, the first position is a big man above, but secondly would be all of you guys and then, of course, the business. But I also need to show that within my actions. And, um, I can tell you there's all the time like not all the time, but like in the mornings something you'll say or something's a little off putting. It's just because you're focused on your half of the day and I'm over here, focused on my half of the day, but I need you for a piece of my puzzle over here and you're not listening to me, and so that can absolutely affect my day, because then I'm playing like I don't want to poke at you, but I also need you to listen to what I'm saying, or vice versa, on this side of the table hey, no, I told you about the kids is whatever it's on your calendar, as long as it's on my calendar, I've never missed hardly anything with our kids. But if something were to come up, a dentist appointment, say and I thought you were heading to the office and I've told you about the dentist appointment. We've talked about it. It's on your calendar.
Speaker 1:I'm like how dumb dude you weren't listening. And that's where I check myself because I'm like, hey, where are you at in your priorities? It's always a constant thing with myself because I've lived the life of doing marriage and business without having your priorities in line and really checking myself on my side of the table. But I can tell you it's not as bad. I can.
Speaker 1:Big things at work, financial pressures, purchases, uh, future decisions those will weigh on me heavy, as you know, but it's. It's not because it's something you know that for me and you, it's for all the other lives that are attached to us that I'm really worried about. But that worry carries over. I mean so I can't say anything necessarily. It's taken me over the years like this engineer or this guy or all those minute problems of people not out externally, not doing their jobs, that impedes our jobs, all the uncontrollables. I don't carry that near as hard. I can shut that off. It's the big decisions up at the top in the executive area that I carry and weigh on me so hard because I just don't want to make the wrong decision, but all stress is is unmade decisions.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I try to shed those take five, 10 minutes there. I talked about that in episode two. Five, 10 minutes out in that driveway means a lot, and but I know mama's in there ready for her break.
Speaker 1:And so you need to do a little switch, flip flop and man, it's taken me almost a decade to figure that out and I'm still not the best at it. I struggle hard with it, but I'm way better than what I was. Um, baby number three has definitely helped with that. There's no doubt about that old, old baby K. But yeah, you as well. You're going to be right around the same answer, I would assume.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I mean when we're not like in the same stratosphere, when we're not.
Speaker 1:Oh, stratosphere above the atmosphere. You heard that, guys, we're not even in atmospheres.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, I mean, there's times we're not even in atmospheres.
Speaker 2:yeah well, I mean there's, we're not running down the same track yeah sometimes we're running into each other yeah, like I mean, when we're not at least trying to orbit the same common goal, um, then it. It's crazy. I can't like function, I can't think, like the kids are like mom, I just need lunch, and I'm like I can't focus because we're not. We're not where we need to be. You know what I mean. And so it definitely impacts my and it's hard because when you're working with your spouse, it affects everything. Like there is not a time that you know. Typically, if you don't work with your spouse, you will go home and they try to tell you about your day and they have to like, explain the like work atmosphere.
Speaker 1:Let me tell you what Sallyally, did because she's cousins with brian from hr yeah, like I mean like it's like a whole thing.
Speaker 2:But when you work with your spouse, it is like all of the problems that are at home are still the problems when you go into the office and when you are at home, all the problems at work are still the same problems and it's so easy to just take those problems from like one place to the other place, to the other place and you like let it all bleed together and that's why it's so like important and you used to get so mad at me.
Speaker 2:I'm like I need dedicated time. That is not PsyCon. Like I need you to shut off PsyCon and be at home and I promise that when I'm in the office I will do the same for PsyCon, because you needed that from me because I wasn't able to put the kids aside and focus on PsyCon. But coming to that agreement and like understanding that like I cannot talk about PsyCon 24-7. I cannot do it. And like when you're in work mode and me being like hey, Sadie needs to do this art project and we need to get, like you in sequence and you're like I don't give a crap, like get out of here with that. Like I'm worried about like gravel, getting to a job, locations, getting called in like I'm worried about engineer problems.
Speaker 2:You are being crazy, but it's like just figuring out but I care about Sadie's face when the feathers are all in sequence because her mama took her time to make sure the arts and crafts yeah no, and I'm like, hey, I care when a job gets finished and people are like, hey, attaboy, you did great, everything went off without a hitch, and it's because the time they put in, and I completely understand that. But it's just going through life and understanding, getting to a place that we could say like, hey, here is work and we're going to shut off home life, and here is home life and we're going to shut off work, and us both being dedicated to doing that. That has helped us tremendously be able to continue to live happily as a married couple, because that's what would be sacrificed if we didn't come to an agreement on that and we both figured out that that's what we're sacrificing, and then figured out it wasn't worth it yeah, absolutely, absolutely.
Speaker 1:What are the most common triggers for our disagreements and arguments? Would you say money, parenting or work decisions or just overall future plans?
Speaker 2:I would say it depends on the season of life that we're in Is when is like has been different triggers. You know what I mean. And so it's like when we were new parents, parenting was a trigger. Um, you know like, depending on where we're at within the business financially, that may be a trigger like future plans. It just really like I wouldn't say that there is like a specific trigger.
Speaker 1:I don't think so either.
Speaker 2:I think that it's like 100% the season of life that we're in, and I want to. What is crazy I feel like it is the lack of where we lacked in communication in the previous season is the trigger for the current season.
Speaker 2:So, if we lacked in communication financially in the last season of our life. In this season of our life, our trigger is finances. If we didn't communicate about you know our future goals, then we're not on the same page. And so it's like the more that you and I can be collectively on the same page, communicating, working towards the same common goal, we have less triggers. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:To fight Fellas, let me talk to you for just a second. That means a little bit more out of you. You can't just hey, this is what we're all going to do. We're going to buy this machine, hire these people, get this truck, get this trailer, and then they're just going to go out and make money, and this is how it's going to all be done. And then we're going to get paid here and you ready, no, she's going to look at me and go no, I need to see what's the contract. When are we actually getting paid?
Speaker 1:What's it say on the paper, Not just what some Joe Blow told you. Hey, you're talking about buying equipment. What kind of numbers do we got in our estimate before we go and lease or purchase or anything for this contract? Hey, did we not put some rental rates? I mean, she's going to ask me so many questions, me so many questions. So to avoid that and to avoid the confusion in what you're trying to get across to the table, because you're going to sit there and go wait a minute, do you not trust me? Because you're married and that already builds distrust. But she's just doing her job and I'm just doing my job, but automatically we look at each other and go, wait a minute. You don't trust what I got to say, but it's not that, it's not that and you need to. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you realize that she's asking those questions because she loves you so much and she wants to make sure that we are making the correct decision.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's sometimes well more chances than not that Cy's going to get a freaking fiery hair in his plan. Let's go buy some dump trucks. Mama. And she looked at me, supported me the whole way, but also was very quick to tell me that these are going to be expensive to keep on the road drivers. And you know I should have listened more, I should have penciled that a lot more. And you know I should have listened more, I should have penciled that a lot more. And you know we had a couple of hires go bad on that specific deal, obviously, but it's here nor there. It starts at the table of communication where, yeah, you may be the visionary Heck dude, the roles may be reversed. I said fellas, primarily you're the ones running the business, but it may be roles reversed. I said fellas, primarily you're the ones running the business, but it may be roles reversed. And you know you have to communicate on a language that each other's love languages speak. Yeah, and we are total opposites.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:In our love languages. I'm a physical touch, words of affirmation and mama bear, you would be.
Speaker 2:I don't know. We need to re-read that book.
Speaker 1:But if there was opposites, as far from that as you can get, that's my wife. But for some reason opposites attract. But it's been fun truly Frustrating as hell, but it has been a fun chase figuring out this safe, guarded walled, defensive guns pointed at all times, and be able to truly love you enough to pull down brick for brick and get in there. And but when you do get in there, fellas, you got to understand that you're in there and it just takes one second You're kicked out of the safe and the walls go right back up and you're back to it. And so you've really got to watch your P's and Q's when you're in there. But, man, you got in there and and I know that may sound a little crazy, but honestly, most of the time that's the man. We've got these walls and we're all hard and bruised and man, just drop them walls.
Speaker 1:Talk to each other, find out each side of the table's goals out of the conversation. Talk about the tough stuff, talk about the good stuff, but bring where I was going with that It'd be a lot easier to push across the table. Hey, babe, here's our estimate. Here's these machines I'm talking about. There's the lease agreements. This is the money. This is the estimate, this is this, this is that, no gravel, whatever the case may be, and really lay it out for Sarah and she'll go oh that's a no-brainer.
Speaker 1:What are we doing? Let's go. But on this side of the table I don't need none of that. I do at this point in the game, there's no doubt about it, and I always review and do an analysis and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But I am definitely a quick draw, mcgraw, you know.
Speaker 2:Yes, I know, I know, I know A pub show.
Speaker 1:Oh man. So we've kind of got through the meat and potatoes here. But finishing up, who is the pursuer and who is the withdrawer in conflict, and when one of us is ready to talk and the other one isn't, how do we handle it without making it worse?
Speaker 2:So you are the pursuer and I am the withdrawaler. Um, I will avoid, avoid, avoid, avoid, avoid. And you are like let's figure it out right now, right this second. I don't care what is happening in life or around us, in our surroundings, we're figuring it out, we're doing doing it now and I'm like I'm just gonna sit on it, I'm gonna feel my emotions, I'm gonna let it like simmer a little bit, get super, super hot, until I'm gonna explode on you, and then it all is gonna come out. That's 100% facts.
Speaker 1:So unhealthy baby.
Speaker 2:But you know, I would say, through the years we've, I've, I have come to realize that that's not the best thing for a marriage or business or family. Um, but still it doesn't make it yeah yeah, but still, you are the pursuer and I'm I am the avoider.
Speaker 1:Withdrawaler I wouldn't 100.
Speaker 2:I don't think that's ever going to change either, I think just from natural born tendencies yeah get out of my head, don't finish my sentences were you like married to me or something for 10 years?
Speaker 1:yeah, I got you, but um, yes, he does, but those, yes, you got me tendencies.
Speaker 2:No, it was just funny how you did that, but you're absolutely right but as far as like the how do we handle it when one person's ready to talk and one person's not ready to talk, I would say that you know we in the beginning of a relationship, we will just blow, blow up and it's like we're going to talk right now, whether it was you or me, like we always just it's going to happen. And now it's much more of like hey, we call them our bathroom talks because it's like the place that the kids are not. We have a larger master bathroom.
Speaker 2:It's not like we're like sitting here on the bathroom floor In a half bath yeah like they're, like sitting in it on the back they're saying they're going for a tornado drill.
Speaker 1:No, we we have double vanities on the other side, where I stand in front of my stands and runners and we sit there and talk. Yeah, it's like neutral ground.
Speaker 2:It's weird no, it is, but it may a lot of businesses in there?
Speaker 2:yeah, we have, but it's like our war zone. You know what I mean. It's like. It's like our I would, I wouldn't say war zone, like no, that's that's where we like, that's our like safe place that we laid out you know what I mean and there's not, and typically, like that's where we will end up. You know what I mean. Like, if there's something that we need to talk about, I will come and find you and we will hash out. If I'm you know, I'm standing in the bathroom getting ready and there's something we need to hash out, like typically you'll come find me.
Speaker 1:I am the pursuer you know.
Speaker 2:But you know I think I think it's taken us a long time to get to that place. You know what I mean Because it's like, but you've also come to a place that you know. If I'm not ready to go to that vulnerable place or I'm not ready to like disclose, open up about it, you will give me time and space to like get there. It's not that you let me avoid it. Like you're still kind of like yo, we need to touch base back on this, like we're going to, we're going to come back to it, but like you know, you don't force, force the hand, you know, cause that I will just shut down, I won't talk to you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I had to. Definitely those natural born tendencies. That's where I was going with. That is, I am a hardcore pursuer. But we wouldn't be where we are without that natural born trait that I do have. But I do have to wind that back a little bit to be an effective deliverer of information. If you're going to retain any of it, you're right. If I just hammer down on you, it's instant shutdown. Just like I was talking about those walls. You get kicked right out of the safe. There's no vulnerability, it's I ain't talking to you, it's stupid move. Like I got things to do, it's just an immediate. I'm just saying I didn't.
Speaker 1:You are not painting me painting me like I am not an abusive wife like I, you are not um mental every once in a while but it's a total joke. But um, you know how we have found so many ways. I can't say that I'm sorry. Um, we haven't found many ways to turn disagreements into productive conversations, especially when we're talking about business we haven't found a lot of ways where I'm going with. That is sorry.
Speaker 1:We kill the disagreement pretty quickly yeah, and at first we would circle the problem just non-stop and just go around and around and around and around about the freaking problem.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and whose fault it was and why we got there and how and we got appointed out like it's some type of competition that you did worse than I did, or vice versa. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And it's so unhealthy. Yeah, but once you start figuring out that, okay, we have a problem, and it's a problem that we both have in the middle of this table, let's circle the problem together, find out why we got there, how we got here, put that to bed. Okay. What do you have options on your side of the table? What options do I have on my side of the table?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Let's figure it out together, pick the best option and move forward.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:And I think we concentrated more on the disagreement, say in the first half of our marriage. Yeah, it just may be a little over. It took us five, six years to really harness this and I think the business did help, because I don't think we would communicate as effectively as a normal couple per se, just nine to fivers. You know what I mean. Coming home and talking about. I don't think we would be as far in our communicational gap or closing that gap if we didn't get put in these ridiculously hard business situations and figure them out together, but killing that disagreement.
Speaker 1:Yes, you can get your point across, guys. Ladies, you can get your point across. That's fine. Sit there and own it. It's not because you actually did what she's saying, guys, but that's how it made her feel. Because you actually did what she's saying, guys, but that's how she. It made her feel Like feelings are never wrong. Your feelings are not wrong. I can't tell you your feelings are wrong. My feelings are not wrong. I'm feeling them because I'm feeling them. Let's figure out how to avoid the triggers to make me feel that way so I can stay harnessed in the conversation a little bit longer. And you know, we still have our disagreements and we still I led this off. We're both pretty stubborn and hardheaded and we want to be right, but we love each other more than wanting to be right every time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely you know, and there's too many people counting on us to sit here and worry about who's right and who's wrong yeah?
Speaker 2:You know, Say your picture.
Speaker 1:All right, guys, let's get the old cheesecake out here for a little bit of dessert. Man, I'm getting hungry. I guess talking about all this food and potatoes Got a little challenge for you guys this week. The next time you feel a fight, argument, disagreement coming on at home, or for you guys that are tuning in, just like myself and Sarah, that are working with your spouses directly, agree to just hit the pause button. Like Sarah said, even if you're more on the Sarah side of the table, where you are more reserved, you'll shelf it, you'll deal with your emotions, or you're the pursuer. Hit the pause button because both of them need paused. If you're just more concentrating on the disagreement side and you're more concentrated on the problem than ever trying to meet the table, just hit the pause button and take 10 minutes. This is kind of where I'm at. This is where I'm at. If it's getting escalated, hey, take a pause.
Speaker 1:And the one thing I wanted to hit on this little subject is appropriate timing and back to that environment. You just have to take a pause. Sometimes Walk away. My thing is. My wife absolutely loves when I get mad because I freaking go into a cleaning frenzy, but it's the only form of healthy way for me to process my anger when I know it's nobody's fault. It's just a feeling that I have from a trigger that happened, whatever it may be, but literally I'll go around the house and just start cleaning. I can pick up a vacuum and sweep something for 10 minutes, just clear my head and try and comprehend what's coming across the table at me and understand truly where she's trying to go with it, rather than just drive the point of being home.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but the most important part of hitting the pause button is that you have to circle back and you have to take take, you know, the emotion out of it.
Speaker 2:Your feelings aren't wrong, but you know, um, your feelings will also lead you down a path that's not necessarily the correct way or the way that you want to go. And so, putting that, so hitting that pause button, taking that 10 minutes, cooling down, sitting in your own feelings for a little bit and then coming back to the table and reassessing and talking about the reason that you originally got in the conflict, not the side argument or the little things that don't really matter in the moment, to actually figure out what is going on.
Speaker 1:I couldn't agree more.
Speaker 2:The most important part.
Speaker 1:I could not agree more. You nailed it. But that's our challenge for this week, guys. And then circle back. Come back, share one thing that you're actually upset about. It may not have anything to do with the topic at hand. A lot of our arguments spin off of it's the delivery or it's what you said. We talked about that earlier. So just come back with, hey, this really upset me and you're going to go.
Speaker 1:I don't even remember saying that, yeah, it was something that was so little to you, or vice versa, me being the pursuer, hey, and you look at me like pin it. We got kids, we got stuff to do. And I'm like, oh my God, pursuers, back off. Pause. I'm telling you it's healthy, it will help. You say a quick little prayer, man, because, uh, before we go into those conversations, it's always a quick little prayer to big man because I don't want to back to the cleaning point. It's like it's's.
Speaker 1:It's healthy for me to process my anger that way and then the kids are looking at okay, dad's pitching in. You know, mama bears seeing benefit out of it, even when I'm mad and upset, but normally through those tasks my mind will do its thing and I will go. I just need to go back and say he just this really ticked me off and you go I'm sorry, holy crap, I don't even remember saying that and move forward. So, guys, I really hope Communication and Conflict was a good episode for you to listen to. It's a very healthy conversation, thank you, by the way. Just a reminder you're not out there alone, guys. Lots of couples struggle to stay connected in busy seasons and don't go run into social media. That's the other thing I was going to say that you know you have. There's so many people out there willing to give your opinion on half the story.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1:And jump on a train and start wrecking your emotions and letting your emotions run with a thought that was never even supposed to be thought or had.
Speaker 1:And so be careful there, guys. But I encourage you to try the marriage calendar check. If you're worried about time management, go back. I think that was episode two. Sit down Sunday night if you're working together, plan out what's going on with the kids, what's in her world, and that'll help with your prioritization. Okay, kiddo's got this. Kiddo's got that. Sarah wants to be here to do this for that. Okay, then I layer everything else in with business and that way I'm still showing within my actions and my words. But that marriage calendar check is so huge, guys. But next week's episode is building a life beyond business and I'm really excited. I'm really excited If you guys have been enjoying it.
Speaker 1:If you wouldn't mind just a little bit dropping a rate or a follow on this end of this episode once you get done with this episode, or maybe shooting it to somebody that might need it. I have loved hearing how many people we're impacting with just sharing our story and how many people have thanked us for putting ourselves out there, because this is super vulnerable and it's definitely a little weird and uh, takes a little time and to figure it all out, but so worth it is what I was. I was gonna say so, guys, till next time. Don't forget like, subscribe, share all the things, the buttons. I appreciate you guys so much. Till next time. If you've enjoyed this episode, be sure to give it a like. Share it with the fellers. Check out our website to send us any questions and comments about your experience in the blue collar business. Who do you want to hear from? Send them our way and we'll do our best to answer any questions you may have. Till next time, guys.