Rediscovering: A Personal Journey of Loss and Faith

Imagine the sudden loss of your pillars of strength at a tender age of six, how would you navigate through life? Today, I, Candace G, recollect the powerful impact of my maternal grandparents and the gaping void their sudden departure left in my life. This is not merely a walk down memory lane, but an exploration of resilience, hope, and faith amidst despair. 

What do you hold onto when life throws you a curveball? I discovered solace in activities that sparked joy in me and brought me closer to God. I share the importance of nurturing relationships that uplift us and guide us towards becoming the best versions of ourselves. Life may not always go as planned, but it is within our power to respond with resilience and faith, and I am here, sharing my story, with the hope of inspiring you to do the same. Listen in, you might just rediscover your own joy and resilience.

Transcript

Candace G: 0:28

Hey, hey, it's Candace G From BMT Land of the Trill, and if you know what's next, tell me how you feel. And I decided to get on the mic and talk a little bit, is that alright? Alright, welcome to J Cole. Just keep on living, where the goal is to talk about life, to inspire and encourage one another. Today, I thought it would only be fitting that the first topic of my show is about life. I'm going to share some of my thoughts and realizations that I've made along my journey thus far.

Candace G: 0:59

Life when thinking of life, the first word that comes to mind is foundation. When thinking of the word foundation, my maternal grandparents come to the forefront of my mind. Of the many, many life experiences I've had, I've had a handful where I knew my life was going to completely change. As a very young child, my grandparents helped set the foundation of who I am as a person. I vividly recall my papa's bedtime stories, typically related to construction. He would name the different pieces of machinery while giving the sounds as he went along on his story. And my mama? She did all in her cooking Lot with the tea. I remember waking up to the sounds of Zydeco music playing and waking up to the smell of cornbread batter pancakes every Saturday morning. However, one day, all of a sudden, in my eyes, my mama became very sick and she had to go to the hospital. I was concerned, but I knew she was coming home that day. But she didn't. You know that was okay, because she definitely was coming home the next day. However, the next day came and she didn't. In my six year old mind, I'm like now wait one minute, I know she's going to be here Saturday. Who's going to make the pancakes? Am I going to hug and wrap my arms around their leg when I run into the kitchen? Saturday came and there was hardly a sound throughout the whole house. The following week my elementary school had a book fair. Those who know know what I'm talking about. For me, the book fair was a carnival. I wanted all of the erasers, bookmarks, pencils to accompany all of the books that I wanted to purchase. However, this time I begged my mom for a little bit more money so I can get things from my mom to help her feel better and that she could use when she came home from the hospital.

Candace G: 2:58

I grew up in church. In my big age I might have missed maybe six or seven watch night services that I can recall, one of which was this past December for two special occasions, but I digress when my mom was in the hospital. That was the first watch night that I remember missing. That New Year's Eve, I recall waking up to one of my uncles and my mom standing in the living room. See, I fell asleep on the couch. I wanted to be awake when my mom walked through the front door. My mom and my uncle they were talking no-transcript. My mom she covered her face with her hands and laid her head on her brother's chest, and at that moment a piece of my heart died too, and I felt within everything in me that my life was going to change drastically. My papa he passed away shortly after.

Candace G: 3:54

Every now and again I find myself wondering what life would look like if they were still here, eventually also wonder what type of person would I be without their existence and influence on my life? And then God, he gently redirects me to gratefulness for even be able to have the time that I had with them and to have the memories. Life rarely does it ever go as we plan, but I'm thankful that, despite knowing at the age of six that that genuine version of love that I experienced would cease to exist, never to be experienced again in that manner that I was able to find positive things to hold on to during the storms of life. I've lived through many seasons feeling lost, finding my way, wondering if the thing that I'm working towards will ever come into fruition. What is going well? Where has the ball been dropped? Has the ball even been dropped? Oh wait, I still have it.

Candace G: 4:51

Maintaining relationships, et cetera, et cetera. The days when things were going smoothly. I couldn't fully appreciate that phase because I was focused on the things that weren't the things that needed to be done. I was trying to align everything evenly across the board. When I now see and have learned that that is unrealistic, prioritization that is more realistic Feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, feeling overwhelmed, living in intentional or unintentional isolation, worry, et cetera None of those things are of God. Those are some of the very things that the devil wants us to wallow and wait in. I just wanted to see the big picture, when most big pictures are for God to see and for us to lean into his guidance. Now there are pictures that are within our lane ie striving to graduate high school, college, doing our best on our job, making a career shift, maintaining relationships, et cetera. Those are pictures that we have some control over due to free will. However, even then, I'm cognizant and aware of the fact that that is still a part of God's lane and he's in control. Now I do need to pay attention to his nudges within those spaces.

Candace G: 6:04

Now, when life feels topsy-turvy, after going to God with my issue, I've learned to lean into things that I enjoy, like leisurely reading, going to the beach, lake ponds, something anything water related, going for a walk, dabbling in photography, spending time or talking with loved ones, friends, family, et cetera. What are some of the things that you used to enjoy doing, but you may have forgotten about? Or maybe you've become so busy that you no longer have time or make time to indulge. Maybe you can begin incorporating one constructive thing at a time that truly made you happy. During the time I grew up with my grandparents, I could not imagine life being any other way. And then, bam, here comes life, knocking me out of my little frilly socks and shoes. Like, could I have kept my socks and shoes? My foundation was already taken away. At least let me look decent On the inside. I'm walking around barefoot, looking exactly like. I imagine a ragamuffin to look like.

Candace G: 7:05

How do you cope when life isn't going as envisioned? How do you cope with pain? Are your habits deconstructive, constructive? Do you recognize the person looking back at you? Does your habits bring you closer to God or pull you farther away from God? Being human, teeter-tottering between the two are normal, especially when you're building your relationship with Christ. However, try not to let being human pain, hurt, sadness, disappointment, etc. Become an excuse when living for God.

Candace G: 7:34

I try to be intentional in making the best choices that keep me close to Him and close to the best version of myself as possible. I have been intentional in having friends who bring out the best in me, who are Godly, who redirect me to God and gather me together in the manner needed when necessary. They are also people that I know have my best interests at heart, so I can receive what is being said. Do you have friends who bring out the best in you? Do you have friends who redirect you to God or the best version of you? How do you respond? Do you even respond Now? Is it the easiest thing to do? No, not at all. No, indeed, especially in this day and age, even more so if that hasn't been your focus, or if you haven't been living with God at all, or if you haven't been living with God at all. However, I love the fact that God is there, even when I'm not at my best, not conducting myself in a manner pleasing to Him, in a funk, in a rut, etc. It is extremely easy to focus on society and what they say and or how they act. I know first hand how difficult that can be, but please do your best not to and try to be the best version of you.

Candace G: 8:42

The things that have helped me many, many times from shutting down and shutting everyone out, and sometimes even God, but then my good sense, it comes back to me rather quickly are reading my Bible, talking with God, talking with friends and mentors. What are the characteristics God is giving you that you've been afraid to show, or that you hide, or that you simply ignore? Maybe you don't even know what they are. The beauty of God being God is that he's always there when we are ready. When we're not, he will help, guide us to where we need to be, while giving us everything that we need to get there the people, the strength, the sight, the clarity all of the things that are required for our journey he will provide.

Candace G: 9:23

God is the head of my life and I am thankful and grateful for all of my grandparents. Not a day goes by that I don't think of my mom or papa and hope that they're proud of me. When the storm is really, really rough enough, I sometimes catch a whiff of their signature sense and, I hate to say, in times when I'm too ashamed, we, etc. To reach out to God for myself, I felt them guiding me toward Him. Aside from their foundation of love, god and not talking back that was instilled in me in an early age, I've been able to identify things that have significantly helped keep me grounded in this thing called life. My faith, meditating, music, goals, traveling, therapy and community have equally been critical in my development and growth as a child of the King.

Candace G: 10:12

I look forward to delving into these topics with you all this season. Whether you're putting one foot in front of the other, one elbow in front of the other, or Jesus is carrying you, just keep on living, keep going, keep pressing forward. As Maya Angelou once said, every storm runs out of rain, and I don't know about you, but for me, after each storm, the blessings that were on the other side were unfathomable. God allowed things to happen in such a way that I knew was only Him, and if he did it for me, my brothers and sisters, he can do it for you. If you're listening to this show, please share it with someone you feel it may help. Go in, like me on Facebook at J Cole, find me on IG at CandiceG underscore, underscore and subscribe to my YouTube channel. I'm also on Apple and Spotify. Thank you and until next time, take good care. Bye.