Embracing Change: Unraveling the Journey through Alopecia - Greg + McKenna Reitz - Ep. 4

In the fourth episode of "Challenge Yourself: Obstacles to Opportunities," hosts McKenna and Greg Reitz embark on an intimate and inspiring journey as they delve into the deeply personal topic of alopecia. McKenna courageously shares her own experience with hair loss due to alopecia and how she has come to understand that alopecia does not define her – she defines it.

Alopecia is a condition that affects millions of people worldwide, causing hair loss that can be emotionally challenging and physically transformative. In this heartfelt episode, McKenna opens up about her journey, from the initial shock of hair loss to the empowering realization that beauty and self-worth transcend physical appearance.

Key topics in this episode include:

1. McKenna's Alopecia Journey: McKenna shares her emotional and physical experiences with alopecia, from discovering her condition to evolving her self-acceptance and self-confidence.

2. Redefining Beauty: Explore the concept of beauty beyond external appearances and how McKenna has redefined her sense of self-worth.

3. Empowerment through Vulnerability: Discover how vulnerability can be a source of strength and resilience, as McKenna and Greg discuss the power of sharing personal stories.

"Embracing Change" is a deeply moving and empowering episode that encourages listeners to embrace their unique journeys and redefine their self-worth on their own terms. McKenna's triumph over adversity is an inspiring testament to the human spirit's capacity for growth and resilience.

Join us in this transformative conversation as we challenge ourselves to see beyond the surface, embrace change, and recognize that our inner strength and character define our true essence.

Follow McKenna: @mckennareitz

https://www.mckennareitz.com/

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:12

Let's freaking go. Hey everyone, welcome to Challenge Yourself. Obstacles to Opportunities. We are here again. My name is McKenna.

Speaker 2: 0:26

I am Greg.

Speaker 1: 0:27

And we are a married couple who is going to be sitting here carrying on a conversation. It might be one sided, one time or another. You never know what you're going to get with us. We're going to be talking about some deep stuff. We're going to talk about light stuff, we might be throwing in movie quotes, but usually that's our life. But the biggest thing is that we're just going to be us and we're going to share our perspectives on how we have been able to turn obstacles into incredible opportunities in our life and to empower you that we can reframe life challenges and be able to find the silver linings and to be able to still wake up every single day and go all in. Whatever you're all in is that day. And our lives have been up and down. We've been married 13 years and we've had many challenges, but we're still here. We're still fighting, plugging away.

Speaker 1: 1:23

But I think it's made us so much stronger. I've told you, I think a lot in the past year, that I have fallen in love with you more every single day since we've been married. I love you more now than I did the day I married you and ditto.

Speaker 2: 1:41

Oh my god, I'm kidding.

Speaker 1: 1:43

I'm a man of many words.

Speaker 2: 1:45

I love you more, of course.

Speaker 2: 1:48

But, we've grown closer together, we've gone through more challenges, which has allowed us to grow more as individuals and as a couple and as a family obviously with two daughters and a scene stealer that has come into our life but all of those things put together, it allows you to grow Again. It goes back to our perspective conversation of you can grow if you're choosing to grow. You can be closed up and not go anywhere if you choose to be closed up and not go anywhere. So perspective, I think, is going to be the key to most of our conversations.

Speaker 1: 2:27

Right, and let's talk about the elephant in the room, not the dog in the room, even though she's so damn cute. We're going to talk about the elephant in the room, about how my life changed, but it also changed our lives in 2015. And we've had many conversations, but I think this is an opportunity for us to be able to just be really open and honest about our journey of me losing all my hair. So just to give a quick background May 2015,. We gave birth to our youngest, maddox, and she was via C-section cute little thing, but it puts a lot of stress onto the body. And I remember in August, august 1, in state of Ohio, volleyball starts, school was starting, your season was starting.

Speaker 1: 3:20

Being a mom of two now having my hormones change, I noticed that as I was teaching, my shoulders were substantially covered with hair and I thought it was just normal postpartum hair shed what I went through with Carson, but it was extensive. And so I went to dermatologist and dermatologist said you might have something called alopecia and you could lose all your hair. Sweet, you know, that's right. That's exactly what every woman ever wants to hear in their life. Hey, you could lose all your hair Awesome, that's exactly what I want to happen to me. I laughed it off after I cried because I'm thinking there is no way in hell I'm going to lose all my hair, like I have so much of it, and you met me. Describe my hair.

Speaker 2: 4:09

A lot, very full, very thick. Once we got married and we're living together, always clogging the shower. It was, yeah, I mean, well, the funny thing I guess kind of funny if you look at it used to be a burden to have that much hair. Like the negatives outweighed the positives. I mean you had beautiful hair so you can style it. I mean, is that the positive? But it gets all over everything. It was in my car, it was in your car, it was in the shower. It was. I mean you had a lot of hair and not that you lost it all the time, but yeah, yeah, I would schedule my life around the hair.

Speaker 1: 4:53

You remember that. I would say, okay, tonight I'm going to wash my hair, which means that it takes me a while to blow dry, and I would dictate if I could work out in the morning, because then I would have to redo my hair and it was just an ongoing thing my entire life. Well, so I subconsciously identified with my hair, like people have always known me since I was five, because of my hair. It was thick, it was beautiful, it was wavy. I finally learned how to get the nice blue speech wave curls into it, and the doctor had given me some topical creams to try and slow it down to see if it would help out to. You know, if it was not alpisha, we take family pictures November 1st, and little did I know that that'd be our last picture ever with me having hair. It's not up here.

Speaker 1: 5:42

Don't start looking yeah, it's actually.

Speaker 2: 5:44

Oh, there's one from the photo shoot.

Speaker 1: 5:46

Oh yeah, I guess there is one up there, so you're going to have to look at the video to see that picture. But by the end of the week I'm standing in the shower with my hands full of hair. It came out in clumps and I feel like I can only remember bits and pieces from those three weeks because within three weeks 90% of my hair was gone. I remember crying a lot, I remember standing and feeling like I was going through chemotherapy and I don't tell many people this, but you know there was no reason, there was no cause and you know, oh, it could be alopecia. But there's no cause for alopecia. It is an autoimmune disease that attacks your hair of follicles and causes it to fall out. That's it. There isn't a specific cause. It could be genetic, it could be stress, it could be hormones, it could be various autoimmune, but especially coming, you know, with you like. I want an answer.

Speaker 2: 6:39

Yeah, 100%, always and there was no answer.

Speaker 1: 6:42

There was no specific answer of why, and as human beings we want to know why and we're gonna do whatever we can to figure out why. But there was no answer. I went to dermatologist, I got I was able to go up to University of Michigan to get a second opinion and that was the worst experience of our life. Like I remember. I was so excited I got a call from the insurance that insurance had covered or saying that we can go up to Michigan, and I remember leaving my class, got the phone call and I started crying in the hallway because I felt it was a glimpse of hope. It was saying this is going, they're gonna fix all of my problems, my hair is gonna come back and life's gonna be amazing because we're gonna go to a real hospital.

Speaker 1: 7:21

We're gonna go to a real medical center.

Speaker 1: 7:22

Yeah, a medical center, and University of Michigan is a well-known hospital and it's only 35 minutes north from us and I can still close my eyes and imagine walking into that building. It was old, it was cold, both physically and psychologically and emotionally, and when we got to see a doctor, basically they said there's nothing we can do. We could put you on a medication but could cause liver failure, and I was looking forward to positive news and then going and spending the day with my husband in Ann Arbor and I was just hysterically crying.

Speaker 2: 7:57

Yeah, because we didn't get any positive step and it was just kind of a second opinion of the same thing.

Speaker 1: 8:03

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 8:05

We don't really know.

Speaker 1: 8:06

We don't know, and I was devastated and I don't know how you felt, because it was me. I was reacting in a way that I felt like I had died. I didn't know how I was still gonna go on. I remember standing in the bathroom one day and just thinking are you still going to love me?

Speaker 2: 8:32

Signed up for the full package. I was there and you didn't know that.

Speaker 1: 8:37

I didn't know that. I mean, we all take our vows, we all say through sickness and health, but is that really going to happen? And I was so concerned, and you know if I mean everyone's seen a picture of Greg. He doesn't have hair either and he's got more hair than I do. But he said, mckenna, it's just hair. And I was so pissed at you.

Speaker 2: 8:59

I had to defend myself.

Speaker 1: 9:00

You had to defend yourself because I was so pissed. I'm like this because you I didn't feel like you understood Correct, and I don't think you did.

Speaker 2: 9:07

I don't think you understood. I didn't understand.

Speaker 1: 9:08

I didn't understand I was coming from with the perspective of. I 100% agree.

Speaker 2: 9:12

It doesn't matter.

Speaker 1: 9:12

But I was in a different mindset.

Speaker 2: 9:14

What matters was deep within you as a person, you as a being, you as a spirit, a soul is the important piece. That wasn't changing at all. The outer shell, whatever that looks like, whatever happens to it, doesn't impact, shouldn't impact, your inner person. It was impacting you and it took how many years before you didn't have it impact you. Yeah, right, I mean, because it was actually impacting who you were as a person. Yeah, and once you realized, either realized or decided it's not going to impact me inside, I'm going to be me. I'm going to be the beautiful person that I've always been, that I've grown up to become, regardless of what I look like.

Speaker 1: 10:04

But being a female that majority you know that we have this mindset, that we don't have that self love. We don't look in the mirror and say I am beauty.

Speaker 2: 10:18

But could you know?

Speaker 1: 10:20

at that time, no, but could you. I could absolutely, but it's a lie.

Speaker 2: 10:24

But could you have been brought up saying that? Could you have, could you have believed that from the start, from day one? I'm happy with myself, period, I'm happy.

Speaker 1: 10:33

I can't answer that question because I don't know well, and that's the thing. So it's anything's possible right. But so I hope for our girls.

Speaker 2: 10:39

I would go again the perspective debate. If your perspective is, I'm gonna see more of a negative side versus a positive side, an optimist versus a Negative, a pessimist. I tend to be way more optimistic. I'll see the lighter side of things, sometimes to a fault in your eyes or oftentimes, but that, I think that is the biggest thing is to your core. What are you? Is it gonna be a? Oh no, it's attacking me. Or is it gonna be a? Here's an opportunity, here's something.

Speaker 1: 11:14

Right, do you see that? Kelly just came over to me because she knows I'm being attacked right now.

Speaker 2: 11:17

No, she knows you need to comfort a dog and pet a dog. I know.

Speaker 1: 11:20

I know, but that's the thing is that I was in such a different Minds. I was at my lowest of my life Because I couldn't see that perspective, because I didn't have that perspective of optimism, that oh you know, and that, and I'm gonna bring up a very, very touchy subject. But I prayed every night that I would wake up either my head was full of hair again or I could be a badass like GI Jane and shave my head, which is a very touchy subject, obviously, with the Oscars that went on over a year ago. People, if people asked me or called me GI Jane when I was in my dark days, I would have crumbled. I Would have crumbled right, and that's what we need. Our say we don't know where people are on their journey. But if people say you remind me of GI Jane right now, I'd be like let's go.

Speaker 2: 12:10

Hey, you consider it a badass. That's a positive, yes, reinforcement.

Speaker 1: 12:14

But we have to be able to.

Speaker 2: 12:16

You got to that point. I got to that. You weren't at that point.

Speaker 1: 12:18

I was not at that point and that's where the that's what alopecia has done for me right is that it did define me. I didn't go to. I mean, when did you ever see me without a hat on, without something covering my head? For the first year, Rarely.

Speaker 2: 12:32

Even you wouldn't go to bed without a hat on, correct?

Speaker 1: 12:35

because I was so ashamed of my own appearance and my own reflection that I was ashamed of you looking at me. And it was the same thing, you know, when we would go up to cottage, my mom saying I kind of just take off your hat like, be comfortable. I couldn't, because it was my, my comfort, it was my security blanket and I needed it. And I appreciated you guys of allowing me To do my thing right. And so I went through every treatment possible. I, you know, met up with my mom, message her former student, dr Sarah Stearman, who Said I want to help her, I want to exhaust every possibility to see if I can help her, and she and her husband became a light in my life through dermatology associates. And we did. We exhausted every possibility. Now, nothing worked, you know, and I went to extreme of taking Weekly steroid injections in my scalp.

Speaker 1: 13:30

Yeah for six months, but I was so desperate that I went to hell and back to do it, and then, finally, I said, okay, I'm done right, I'm done like. I have to get my body a break. And that's when I realized that alopecia was defining me and I wasn't defining it, and so I think that Transition of deciding to stop and just focus on me living with alopecia Started to help me to move it from an obstacle to an opportunity correct.

Speaker 2: 13:59

It was a huge challenge. You Continued challenging it with I'm gonna fight it, I'm gonna fight it, I'm gonna fight it, I'm gonna try all these different treatments, and those treatments were not easy by any stretch. So the injection thing, I mean mentally that it puts you in an even darker spot, I mean probably not, but it I mean pain wise, it was no it did nothing that's working, which was adding weight to my body.

Speaker 1: 14:25

Which means I am gaining 20 pounds, I'm battling and dealing with depression. The insurance is not covering possible medications that could help. That's in clinical trials and it was more of a mental Thing than a physical. But the problem is the insurance was just seeing as cosmetic, and it's more than cosmetic. It is a psychological and mental toll on people's lives right, because it's different from society, and so what I've learned is that alopecia gave me my purpose, but it took me so long, and I think I told you this. I hope I've told you this, but I've talked about it a lot on different interviews, but it wasn't until probably a year ago that I looked in the mirror and I said my husband loves me for me. So when I wanted to punch you in the face, I apologize immediately I realized that you really do love me.

Speaker 1: 15:24

But the problem was I didn't love myself. I didn't love my reflection that it took me 40 years, and losing every hair on my body, to discover that self-love and to understand that my husband really does love me unconditionally. I mean, he hasn't left me yet, but we're women, we think about these stupid things. But you really do love me.

Speaker 2: 15:45

Yeah, I meant it.

Speaker 1: 15:47

I know, I know, but we have to get out of our own damn way and we have to go through hell. We have to. Here's what I've learned. My grace period was a long time, so I'm a firm advocate that we have to cry and my mom said I don't know how you get up every day, so there's no other choice. Like, I still got up. I didn't miss a day of school, of work. I still showed up. I mean, I wasn't as present as a mom or as a wife or as a teacher as I should have been, but I was still showing up and that, to me, was my all in. I was doing what I needed to do and it took me four years. I wore wigs and hats. I just wanted to blend in. I just I didn't want people staring at me. I just want to be able to go to the grocery store and not be asked if I'm going through treatment.

Speaker 2: 16:36

Well, you wanted to be someone else. You wanted to be everyone else. You wanted to be one of the masses, instead of being McKenna, who you are becoming or who you became, who you were in the process of becoming, regardless of what it looks like. So people can identify you Now. People can identify you.

Speaker 1: 16:54

Oh, trust me.

Speaker 2: 16:55

But I mean people who knew you could identify you before. But now people who don't know you can identify you and you're okay with that.

Speaker 1: 17:03

I'm not just okay with it, I am fantastic with it.

Speaker 2: 17:06

I mean, you're rocking it, you're this, you're that, you're a beautiful. How many compliments do you get? Now it's like, wow, thanks. I could have given you those comments before and I did, and you didn't hear them.

Speaker 1: 17:18

You're my husband. You don't listen to me. I don't listen to you, right?

Speaker 2: 17:22

What.

Speaker 1: 17:22

What Exactly Do you understand the words that are coming out of mouth? But the problem was is that I'd be at the grocery store and the amount of people that would come up to me and say, are you going through treatment? And I felt so attacked, I felt so embarrassed. But what I realized is that the people that were coming up to me were primarily women or husbands of women who have gone through, have beaten or are going through breast cancer. And, as those women, as those people that allow me to stand here or sit here, so damn proud because they empowered me that if they can fight the good fight and they're badass so can I.

Speaker 2: 18:01

Yeah, and I feel like it brings your badass from your core outward. Yeah, been saying that for a long time.

Speaker 1: 18:09

I know, I know. But the thing is is we have to go through that grace period, and the quicker we can go through that grace period, when we understand that we're weak, that is when we're truly our strongest. I'm a firm believer in that. It's OK to cry, it's OK to not be OK. And I was not OK for a couple of years.

Speaker 1: 18:29

And then I started to just have fun with the wigs and I so badly wanted just to walk out in public without a wig. But I was so scared of what other people thought and this is a conversation we're having with our daughters all the time Stop worrying what other people thought. And so there's two things that happened for me. One we were at some sort of function. We get into the car with the family. I ripped my wig off because if you've ever worn a wig, even if it was for Halloween, they're so uncomfortable, they're itchy. You've done it for Halloween. We may or may not have gone as dog the bounty hunter and his wife for our first Halloween ever together and Greg had the best mallet ever, but anyways, it was good Picasso. We got to bust that picture out.

Speaker 1: 19:11

But Maddox, our youngest, was three years old and she said mom, I can't wait to be adult and take my hair off too. It took my breath away.

Speaker 2: 19:26

Change your perspective.

Speaker 1: 19:27

Immediately. My three-year-old sees this as the coolest thing that when she gets to become an adult she gets to take her hair off too, at any time and she can change it any colors. And I'm thinking that's how she sees it and I see it as a way of me to hide. And what am I teaching my daughters Now? I'm showing them resilience by still showing up, but am I showing them how to accept their adversity and diversity that they're seeing in the world around them and how we support it and how we love one another and how we love ourselves?

Speaker 2: 20:00

Regardless of appearance.

Speaker 1: 20:01

Regardless of appearance, and I wanted to start the school year off bulb. And I went to my team and I'm like, hey guys, I'm thinking about starting the school year off bulb. What are you guys thinking? They're like, yes, finally, again, I was in my own damn way. I wasn't worried what other people thought, I was worried about me, and so when I kept getting that reinforcement by others of understanding that we just have to be us, be you, but I wouldn't have been able to do it. And then I started the year off bald and I have never looked back and I don't even like going out in public now with a hat on Because I feel like I'm hiding, and I don't want to hide because this is me and I love me. People ask if you could get anything back. Would you want your hair back? I said hell no. Now I may be my eyelashes and nose hairs right Functional hairs functional, just those, that's it.

Speaker 1: 20:57

I don't need like hairs, armpit hairs and nothing. I just want nose hairs back. That's number one, then eyelashes. But this alopecia has shown me my life. It has allowed me to learn what empathy is, to be able to feel the energy of others and that my story is visible, and to Understand that everyone has a story. Everyone is going through something. You just get to hide it Right. You get to walk around with a smile on your face. And I get to walk around a smile on my face and walk confidently to show other people and empower other people that if I'm standing tall, so can they yep, it's a powerful message too, and you deliver it really well.

Speaker 1: 21:36

I appreciate that and that's empowered me to leave the classroom and make that transition. My life is better because of alopecia, and so when we find the silver linings, when I realize, oh, I don't have to shave anymore, hell yeah, let's go like you don't have to plan your shampoo schedule.

Speaker 2: 21:52

Correct drying schedule.

Speaker 1: 21:54

Oh, don't have to worry about humidity and my hair and it frizzing out and I'm throwing out, or the rain like shoot. We just have to worry about cutting your hair. What are we using? A one. It's a mess.

Speaker 2: 22:08

It's a mess all the time.

Speaker 1: 22:09

It is like some people like, wow, greg's hair is getting really long it's about like five centimeters long and we're like, oh my god. Yeah, we're something with that and being oh, my gosh cartmatics will always say, mom, you got peach fuzz and I'll play with it. Or I feel like when, through a hair on my leg, I'm like, oh, that feels nice, like I'm keeping that bad boy. Do you know where I have hair right now? This is where that was really awkward question On my upper lip, come on.

Speaker 2: 22:35

If you're gonna grow hair.

Speaker 1: 22:38

I'm gonna stash you a question. Good Lord, okay, we're starting to lose it.

Speaker 2: 22:45

It is almost November.

Speaker 1: 22:46

Oh god. No no, we're not doing the no shave November in this household. He came back from what Ukraine? Well, you went on a athletes athletes an action tour Russia.

Speaker 2: 22:57

You change for like three weeks back, when we could cross the borders over there.

Speaker 1: 23:01

Yeah, and Russia, and it was Not a sight. I said walk straight to the bathroom and shave right now.

Speaker 2: 23:09

But you love me, for me.

Speaker 1: 23:10

I do, I do, um, but shave anyways how I you know. I want to leave with this. What is the biggest takeaway that you've had in our and our journey of alopecia over the past eight years?

Speaker 2: 23:25

I Mean the, the change, the, the change of purpose, seeing the challenge as an opportunity to Reframe everything, reframe life. It's not just an opportunity. It became life, both living with it and then using it as a message to educate others, to bring awareness for the kid, the, the whole thing, like. It became all of our fundraising activities. It became a reason for so much. But, namely, it became you.

Speaker 2: 24:03

Yeah, like it, you have alopecia period. You don't recover from having out. It's, it's a condition that's just there, but now it's not I'm trying to hide the fact that I have alopecia. That is the number one thing that, I mean, has blown me away as your perspective on alopecia from what was me oh my gosh, what am I gonna do to correct this? To now, yeah, I can tell you all about it. What do you need to know? Yeah, what do you want to know? Oh, you're going through it. This is awesome. Well, what are you doing with it? What's right for you? Because everyone's different? Well, you just met a girl what a week ago who has it and is going through different treatments, and you've done that journey. It's not for you, but if it's for them, great, that's their journey. Everyone's got a different path.

Speaker 1: 24:53

I think the one of the biggest things that I've learned is that you can't compare your journey. No, you cannot compare your journey. People come see all I mean. Can I wish I was as strong as you? You don't know the hell I've been through and that's why I am as vulnerable as possible about my, my journey. Because we cannot compare our mountains, the mountain that I've been given. I Freaking love my mountain, and that everyone's mountain is going to be different. Some days it's going to be easier, some days it's gonna be tougher, but when you compare your mountain to my mountain, then you're never going to climb that mountain.

Speaker 2: 25:24

It's a different. It's a different scenario. Yet Maybe they are as strong as you if they went through exactly the same thing as you. But who goes through exactly the same? Thing that you from birth to where you are is just different lives. So appreciate the fact that we're different and be inspired Right by their people.

Speaker 1: 25:42

And you know like sometimes I will never forget. I was in class wearing a wig and some one of my students, my female students, were talking about what a bad hair they're having. And I looked. I said you think you're having a bad hair day right? And I looked it and I pointed my hand. They're like oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. You don't need like. If you can't make light of situations, then life's gonna suck. Right now I'm never having a bad hair day like ever and I'm very proud of that.

Speaker 1: 26:05

But the thing is is that people feel bad for saying things. No, talk about what you're going through, because when you your message, your message but your message is medicine for other people to understand we feel so alone and isolated in this world because we're so afraid to talk about what we're going through that we feel so damn alone. But when we share what we're going through, we realize that we're all on this journey together. We're all battling something and it doesn't matter what you're going through. I'm going to be there to support and love you unconditionally perfect.

Speaker 1: 26:34

Let's leave it there. Yeah, great talk. I love you. I love you too. Thank you for loving me unconditionally and Make sure you love yourself unconditionally. Find you know, go through a grace period, give you, shorten your grace period Just a little bit shorter, give yourself 24 hours and then wake up and say I'm gonna take on this day, find the silver lining sometimes you have to dig deep, because there's always gonna be silver lining and surround yourself with People that are going to support and love you, even if you don't feel like they are. They are and they're loving you and Share this with someone who you believe Will be empowered and inspired and will learn to stop comparing and be inspired by our message, because it is medicine for other people. Love yourself, love your reflection because you are. Enough Challenges yourself, obstacles, opportunities. Let's go. Have a great day, let's go.