
Desire As Medicine Podcast
Brenda & Catherine interview people and talk to each other about desire. They always come back to us being 100% responsible for our desires.
Contact us by email:
desireasmedicine@gmail.com
catherine@catherinenavarro.com
goddessbrenda24@gmail.com
Instagram:
@desireasmedicine
@CoachCatherineN
@Brenda_Fredericks
Desire As Medicine Podcast
98 ~ Clean Asking: Create Intimacy, Not Distance
Have you ever noticed how the same desire can be received completely differently, simply based on how you say it? The way we communicate our needs and desires shape the quality of our relationships more than we realize.
In this intimate and insightful episode, we unpack the subtle (and powerful) role of syntax, tone, and word choice in expressing desire. Whether you’re navigating romantic connection, friendship, or family dynamics, the shift from blame to vulnerability can open doors to deeper intimacy.
Brenda shares her personal practice of saying, “I have a desire…” to invite curiosity and soften the moment before making a request. This playful approach, rooted in honest expression and emotional safety, helps transform potentially charged conversations into loving, connected exchanges.
We also explore the concept of “clean asking," making requests without guilt, pressure, or manipulation - and how speaking from love rather than fear completely changes how we’re received. Your words are not just communication, they’re energetic spells that shape your reality.
💬 What would shift if you spoke from desire instead of complaint? From love instead of fear?
Highlights:
- How “you never hold me” vs. “Can you please hold me?” changes everything
- Why syntax and phrasing matter in emotional communication
- Turning complaints into heart-centered desires
- The power of “I have a desire…” to create curiosity and softness
- What it means to make a “clean ask” (no neediness or manipulation)
- How vulnerability is key to expressing what we truly want
- Words shape your reality, so use them with love and intention
If something in this episode resonated, please share it with someone you care about - and let us know what landed for you. We’d love to hear from you - send us a message!
How did you like this episode? Tell us everything, we'd love to hear from you.
If you'd like to learn more about 1:1 or group coaching with Brenda or Catherine message them and book a Sales Call to learn more.
Email:
desireasmedicine@gmail.com
goddessbrenda24@gmail.com
catherine@catherinenavarro.com
Instagram:
@desireasmedicinepodcast
@Brenda_Fredericks
@CoachCatherineN
Welcome to Desire is Medicine. We are two very different women living a life led by desire, inviting you into our world.
Speaker 2:I'm Brenda. I'm a devoted practitioner to being my fully expressed true self in my daily life. Motherhood relationships and my business Desire has taken me on quite a ride and every day I practice listening to and following the voice within. I'm a middle school teacher turned coach and guide of the feminine.
Speaker 1:And I'm Catherine, devoted to living my life as the truest and hopefully the highest version of me. I don't have children, I've never been married. I've spent equal parts of my life in corporate as in some down and low shady spaces. I was the epitome of tired and wired and my path led me to explore desire. I'm a coach, guide, energy worker and a forever student, even after decades of inner work.
Speaker 2:We are humble beginners on the mat, still exploring, always curious. We believe that listening to and following the nudge of desire is a deep spiritual practice that helps us grow.
Speaker 1:On the Desires Medicine podcast. We talk to each other, we interview people we know and love about the practice of desire, bringing in a very important piece that is often overlooked being responsible for our desire. Hello, welcome back. Family and friends. Today we're going to talk about something that you probably don't talk about much at the kitchen table or anywhere else. I think the last time I really thought about this was probably when I was a teenager, and then definitely within the past couple of years. I am joined today by the gorgeous Brenda, where she's just patiently awaiting the mic. What we're talking about today is why words matter more than we think.
Speaker 1:As a teen, I definitely use slang, and I would say now, as an adult, I definitely cuss or curse, use curse words, use profanity. Every time we're uploading a podcast, I make sure that I click on the explicit language because inevitably I have said something potentially that should not be PG in a podcast episode. So I'm aware that I have a lot of permission for the way I speak. I also don't have children, so I never really had to watch my words. I guess when I'm in a professional setting I watch my words, but I'm slightly tighter and sort of holding myself a little tighter, not as loosey-goosey in conversation, but words matter. The syntax shapes the connection and it matters.
Speaker 1:We had done a toolbox where Brenda and I talk about how to ask for what, and so interesting, because we were talking about hugs, I think it was Brenda, was it? Can I get a hug? Was it? Can I get a hug? She's nodding. Yes, and I would say one of the things I want to point to when I'm talking about syntax and syntax matters is there's a difference between me saying I need you to hold me or can you hold me versus you never hold me, when I say you never hold me and I need you to hold me. Well, there's some similarity, but in one I'm telling you what I need and in the other I am sort of deciding or being judge and jury on your actions. Right, so syntax is a tool and it's just, it's another tool. It's not necessarily its own toolbox episode or mini episode, but syntax creates worlds. It's our tool for either connection or disconnection.
Speaker 2:It really is the way we speak to each other really does matter. And I do curse a lot. I didn't always curse a lot. I used to be a school teacher, so I never cursed, I definitely didn't, and I used, let's say, politically correct language. And some homes, the kids are cursing all the time. Parents are cursing, kids are cursing, everyone's cursing.
Speaker 2:So what do I want to say about this? You know, I had a friend just today tell me. She said to her husband I want to, can we do a relationship check in? And she said his whole face dropped. He was like oh shit, like what is she going to say to me? And so they set a time to do it later in the day and she was telling me, instead of saying what's going wrong or what he's doing wrong or framing it as what she's unhappy with because things are going pretty well for her and her husband.
Speaker 2:I loved what she said. She said I want to frame it to him as here's all the things that are working, here's all the things that I'm grateful to you for and here's my desires. That is a game changer, instead of going to your partner and saying you're not doing this, this isn't happening. I'm really annoyed at you because I mean, we can dredge that stuff up at any time. It's so easy to just pull that stuff up, right? We're so conditioned to just complain and find our partners wrong. But this is just such a beautiful frame to share your desires with your partner, because in the desire you're just holding them to the thing that you want instead of focusing on the thing that you don't want.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. You're pointing to how much power there is in sharing what you're loving and shining a light on the things you would like. I'm thinking of a museum. When you go to the museum and there are those highlights that just shine on the painting, you're sort of like highlighting the thing you want versus highlighting all the things that are going wrong and that you want to complain about. One is creating clarity and intimacy and the other has the person feels potentially somewhat defensive, which is a natural human response. There's nothing wrong with someone that gets defensive and ultimately we all want more connection.
Speaker 1:If we know that syntax matters, we know that in the simple definition of syntax right, the order and arrangement of words matter, then we can use it as a tool for connection. That can be something that we strive for right, like if we feel something is off. We can look at our tone, our intention, the rhythm of how something lands with someone else. We can ask ourselves, like in the toolbox that we did, we were talking about clean asking, trying to ask without manipulation or enrollment or with fluffiness, and also trying to ask without neediness, without the gripping of things right, because those energetic imprints also affect words, they also affect the syntax If there's a difference and if somebody can feel the difference when we're inviting them or when we're shaming them, like when we say, oh, you never insert thing versus I would love for you to, I need you to. It would be great if you and we insert the ask. It feels so much more connecting because there could be a place where we can meet in the ask, where we can meet in the words or our syntax, our phrases, the phrases that we use have like an underlying meaning.
Speaker 1:The energetic of whether it's an invitation or it's a shaming, like you never has this passive aggressiveness to it, where the person listening already knows that I believe this person never insert thing. Versus if I say I need something or I want, the thought is, oh, I actually need or want this part. The person can either give it or not give it to me. And there's a place where we can use syntax to just reclaim our sovereignty, like where we're really trying to use embodied language in the syntax. Embodied language meaning I want to have a powerful conversation when I feel clear and grounded and loving and open for the person that I'm speaking to to either joyfully receive or refuse what I'm saying, right, like to for us to both stay in the room.
Speaker 2:Amen, both stay at the room and have it feel good. We want our relationships to feel connected. I love to share my desires and I love to share my desires with my partner. So very often and I've talked about this before of loving the desire itself, not just whether you're going to get it or not, not not just loving this thing that I want, but loving the desire itself, loving the fact that I want things, and I'm in total approval of that. So I like to say I have a desire period and just drop that. It's so enticing.
Speaker 2:I always get back a yes, what is it? Because it elicits curiosity and excitement. It's like, oh, what's your desire? And I do want to know that somebody wants to know my desires, that my partner wants to know my desires. I already know that, but in the moment I want to know and I also want to make sure that he's with me, right? So I love to drop that. I just think it's playful and fun. I have a desire and then he's like well, what is it? And then I get to share what the desire is. It already creates an environment of fun and play.
Speaker 1:I love how playful that sounds and I also want to speak to potentially Brenda what it would feel like if you've ever experienced a partner of yours I don't know if this has happened, but I'm just going to say hypothetical that you say, oh, I have a desire, I want to share a desire, and your partner's like, of course, you have a desire. I've experienced that.
Speaker 2:Or maybe I have. I haven't experienced that in a while, let me say and if I have, I've probably just completely forgotten about it and can't bring it here but I can say that before I was right with my desires, before I was doing this work and studying pleasure and desire and truth and embodiment in my old life, I definitely did not get the things that I want. I definitely did not love my desire and I was not always met with playful curiosity because I definitely had more entitlement in my voice. I had fear in my voice and in my words and I couldn't really take a no, because, also, it's so hard to ask for what you want. What we want is so very vulnerable.
Speaker 2:So, first of all, to even admit that you want something, that's enough, and then there's more, that's only the first step. To admit that you want this thing, right. Then you have to ask for it. You may, you may get a no. Then you have to hold your desire. You know, hopefully you do receive it. If you do, then you get to have it, and then you have to practice receiving it. Or you get a no and then you just get to sit with that.
Speaker 1:It's a lot it's a lot.
Speaker 1:I remember way back when I used to get, when I would share desire I would get you don't need that and I would have to say thank you. I know I don't need it, I want it and that was part of my practice, because I would get a lot of you don't need that. That was for whatever reason. That was what the world was showing me and that was the one that I was playing with. But I love that.
Speaker 1:You spoke about fear, Brenda, and if you're listening to this and you're saying to yourself, where am I in my relationship to syntax, when am I in my relationship with words and how are the words that I'm using casting spells? Because it's not just what you say, it's the power of how you say it right. The syntax can shape a connection. And so, using Brenda's gorgeous words, I want to leave listeners with where do I potentially speak from fear and what would it sound like if I were to speak from love With that?
Speaker 1:This is a short and sweet one. We just really want you to take away the understanding that our words have power and the words that you choose to use on a daily basis, the words that you introduce into your everyday. Let's call it bucket of words, with your ask or your shares and your communication. Your connection are the words that you're using. They're your tools. They're almost I mean, I don't want to call it weapons, they might be a better word than that but they're what you're using to carve what you're creating. And so, if you get to choose the things that are carving your life, please, please, please, choose them wisely, Choose them with intention, Choose them with love. Feel into what do I want. It may not be something that I need, but what do I want and may you be audacious enough, courageous enough to ask for it. If this landed for you and you'd love to share it with someone, please do so, and we'd love to hear about it. Send us a message. Bye for now.
Speaker 2:Thank you for joining us on the Desire is Medicine podcast.
Speaker 1:Desire invites us to be honest, loving and deeply intimate with ourselves and others. You can find our handles in the show notes. We'd love to hear from you.