134 ~ A Practical Guide To Desire With The Wheel Of Life (Tool Box Episode)

Ever get stuck in the “What do I want?” loop and feel your brain and desires go blank? We’ve been there, and we built a short, punchy toolbox to create more clarity around what you want. Using the Wheel of Life, map your world into clear slices: career, money, health, relationships, creativity, environment, spirituality, etc. Then use a rating system from 1-10 as 10 being the most satisfied and 1 the least satisfied. If you do it on paper you can create a circle with the pie slices labeled with your categories. (you can also just google "wheel of life"). Be sure to rate your satisfaction in every one of your categories and see what if anything stands out for you.

We walk you through exactly how to draw and customize your wheel so it reflects what you value. Then we dig into the two questions that change everything: Is this within my control? If yes, where will I bring more integrity, what's one promise I’ll keep? If no, we practice surrender and acceptance so the nervous system can settle, before we ever ask ourselves, What can I do? 

This mini toolbox is designed to be playful and practical. Do it by hand to tap your intuition, invite friends or family to compare notes, and repeat it midyear or whenever you're ready to track where you are/what if anything is shifting. 

Treat low/high scores as data. The wheel of life exercise should give you a living snapshot of your life. If you try the wheel, share a photo and tag us—we’d love to cheer you on. If you enjoyed this episode share it with a friend.

Transcript

Welcome And Hosts’ Origins

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Welcome to Desire is Medicine. We are two very different women living a life led by desire, inviting you into our world.

SPEAKER_01 0:16

I'm Brenda. I'm a devoted practitioner to being my fully expressed true self in my daily life, motherhood, relationships, and my business. Desire has taken me on quite a ride, and every day I practice listening to and following the voice within. I'm a middle school teacher, turned coach and guide of the feminine.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

And I'm Catherine, devoted to living my life as the truest and hopefully the highest version of me. I don't have children, I've never been married, I've spent equal parts of my life in corporate as in some down and low shady spaces. I was the epitome of Tired and Wired, and my path led me to explore desire. I'm a coach, guide, energy worker, and a forever student.

SPEAKER_01 0:58

Even after decades of inner work, we are humble beginners, on the mat, still exploring, always curious. We believe that listening to and following the nudge of desire is a deep spiritual practice that helps us grow.

SPEAKER_00 1:12

On the Desire as Medicine podcast, we talk to each other, we interview people we know and love about the practice of desire, bringing in a very important piece that is often overlooked: being responsible for our desire.

Season Three And Toolbox Format

Why We Struggle To Want

SPEAKER_01 1:25

Welcome back, everybody, to Desire as Medicine. We are so excited to be here in season three. We're in the 130s. It's our third year recording. Catherine and I are so devoted and dedicated to what we're doing here, this project. Every time we record, every time we drop an episode, we're just so excited. And we are, of course, staying on theme, very excited today for what we're about to bring you, which is dun dun dun, another toolbox episode. What is a toolbox episode, you ask? Toolbox episodes are mini episodes, usually anywhere from 10 to 20 minutes, sometimes they go more, that help you play with desire. So we talk about such deep, intricate topics of how to live a desire-led life. But how do you actually do it? So these toolbox episodes bring the bigger concepts down to the ground, kind of like doing the dishes, folks. What can you do to get practical, get your hands in the clay and work with desire so that you can have more of what you want in your life? So I'm gonna turn this over to Catherine, and she is going to tell you what our toolbox episode is all about today. And it's going to be so good.

The Power Of Precise Asking

Introducing The Wheel Of Life

Customize Your Life Categories

Rate Satisfaction And Read The Wheel

Control, Integrity, And Surrender

Make It Playful And Track Progress

SPEAKER_00 3:05

That was so good. Thank you so much, Brenda. It made me think about like the toolbox of the day. So the toolbox is something that we want you to have in your toolbox so that you can embody the topics, the themes, the skills that we talk about all around desire. One of the things that we hear all the time is, what happens if you don't know what you want? Like, how do I know what I want? How do I know what I want? How do I know what I want? I think about that couple that's like, what do you want for dinner? I don't know. What do you want for dinner? I'll eat whatever you want for dinner, and you can go back and forth, whether it's dinner, movie. There are so many places where we can just sort of get stuck and not really feel into I would really love that piece. And it's so magnetic to see and be around somebody that knows exactly what they want. Like, oh, I'm in the mood for soup today. Oh, I want to go on a walk. Oh, I would love to have a massage on my feet. Well, no, ma'am. Do you want me to massage the whole leg or your feet? No, just my feet. I want just for like sology on my feet. Oh, I would love a massage. Only on my head. No, don't touch my forehead. No, I don't like when you touch my neck like that. Like to have that level of precision, to know exactly what you want helps you so much to ask for help or to ask someone to meet you. But it's true, as Brenda said, we do talk about high-level topics. That is a high-level topic. Letting somebody know, I would like tea. And the way I want you to make my tea is I want you to pour half of the cup with water boiled at 175 degrees. And then I want you to pour in regular new room temperature water at about another quarter of that cup. And then I would like for you to seep the tea bag for exactly one and a half minutes. That's about 90 seconds. Release the teabag, and that's how I want it. That's so pristine and so precise. Some people could say, Well, she's being really picky. And somebody else would say, Oh, I love giving it to her exactly how she wants it, because I know she's just gonna love it. And I am, I'm gonna love it. If you can give it to me just how I asked for it, or even better, potentially giving it to me, I don't know, in a mug that war that's warm already, or that's a warming mug. I don't know. I'm trying to make that the request just 10x 10x it. But in order to get there, like where do we begin? So today's toolbox drum roll is going to be around the wheel of life. And the wheel of life is fun. You can look it up on any Google app, like whatever browser of your choice. It's normally you're just sort of checking your own satisfaction scale. And there's different categories. And you're gonna rate the satisfaction scale from one to two. The reason why it's fun to do it in a craft sort of way, you make a circle and you make the circle into little pies like pizza pies, and you're going to have one slice for career and business, one slice for finances and money, another one for wealth and health, one for, I'm sorry, wellness and health, one for family, friends, one for romantic or significant other. You can have one for personal growth and learning, you can have one for fun and leisure, you can have one for a physical environment, you can have one for spirituality and community. And believe it or not, this is your permission to have one for whatever you want. If there's something that you value, if you have a value, if you're like, I value adventure, I value Brenda. If you can think of something, adventure is the first one that comes to me because I I like it. Did you say creativity? I didn't. Expression. Expression. Like if you value, I would put that under fun and recreation. But if you have something specific, like I know Brenda likes to write. So if you have something specific for writing, please cut a slither of that pie and put writing in it. Because the next step is you're going to rate your satisfaction in that category from one to 10. One being this sucks. I should really be a zero. Or zero is like this sucks and non-existent. And 10 is like, wow, I am rocking it in this arena. Like it is just amazing. And you shade, then you'll put a little dot along that line or that pie. And let's say it's a zero, then you wouldn't be shading anything. And let's say it's a 10, then you would fill it. And let's say it's a five, then it would only be going halfway. And then you're sort of looking at your wheel of life. Once it's all done, you get to see, oh, I'm really strong in maybe you're really strong in health and fitness or fun and recreation. Maybe your career and your business needs a little attention, or maybe your physical environment needs attention. And physical environment could be: I really like my neighbors, I like where I live, I like the city I live in, I like the neighborhood I live in. Or I don't like said things. And the pie is just to give you an idea, an overall view, like an aerial view, as if you were a drone, like taking a look at where am I at in all of these categories in my life. It's a great way to pause and just sort of like take a little mini quiz in your life and say to yourself, hmm, this is where I'm at. Now, we also we created a complaint toolbox not that long ago. And the same things are gonna follow. As you're looking at these pieces and parts, let's say there's something that you don't like in your money. I'm not, I'm specifically not choosing people for a reason to make this exercise a lot easier. Let's say some there's something you don't like in your money. Maybe you have a lot of debt, or maybe you don't have enough savings. You get to your ask yourself, all right, well, is this within my control? If it's savings, right? Is this within my control? If you're not the money earner, then you can't really control how much money comes in. But if you're part of a household and you're part of the money spender, then the budget is within your control. And that's sort of what you're looking at. Is this in my control? Yes, no. If it is, great. Where can you have more integrity? Where can you actually make choices that align with the who you want to be and how you want to live your life? Where can you keep your word to yourself? Or where can you just decide that you're not keeping your word to yourself, that you don't want to back yourself here, and that yes, you have a desire, but you're not ready to take responsibility for it. That's also an option. And then in that same questionnaire where you ask yourself, is this within my control? It could also be no. Which means, all right, if I don't like this piece, let's say it's environment. Let's say you live somewhere and it's not like your dream home, or for whatever reason, maybe your house has a lean on it, or something is occurring where you can't just move. Maybe you have a sick parent. Maybe unfortunately you could have a significant sick significant other or child. Something impedes the movement of you can't just up and go. You can't just change things overnight. It's not as easy as just keeping your word to yourself. Then the question that the lovely Brenda would ask you for sure is: well, what can you do? Is there anything that you could do to make your environment better for yourself? What can you do? And between the no, it's not in my control, there's nothing I can really change, and what can I change? We have two lovely steps. You have to surrender that it's not really in your control. It's not really in an optimal, you're not really in an optimal place in that category to give it your all. And we have to sort of bring in acceptance and accept that that is the reality right now. And then we can move into okay, well, what can I do? It is my desire that you really have a great time with this wheel. It's a gorgeous representation. It's really fun. You can make it a girls' night. You could have a bunch of people do it if you're doing it with your family. You can do it with your kids and see what their lives look like. It's such a great visual to look at. You can potentially decide to do it at the beginning of every year or the middle of the year, and you can do it again the following year. But it's a great way to track. It's sort of like a living crafts project that looks like an Excel sheet, but it's not really an Excel sheet. You don't really have to read the numbers. You sort of have to just look at it and say, oh, I'm really making some moves here. And if not, what can I do to change it? And even bigger than that, this will bring you so much closer to what you're really looking for, what you really want. That aerial view of where things are working, where things aren't working, will help you see with your own eyes like where you can put your attention. Am I missing anything, Brenda? This was a short toolbox.

Gentle Guidance And Invitation To Share

SPEAKER_01 12:33

Short and sweet is what I like to call it. What a great tool that we're offering our listeners today. It's so fun. And I love the idea that you get to see it, this visual piece. And, you know, what are the areas that you really want to put more attention on or be more integrity with yourself? It's this is not an opportunity to beat yourself up. We don't recommend that. But it's just information. It's information for you of if you're feeling like, oh, something's just not feeling great in my life, well, try the wheel. See what comes up for you. And when I do things like this, I'm always surprised. Sometimes I have an idea, oh, I don't need to do this because I already know what it's going to be. But when I do an activity like this, I'm always surprised and delighted in some way. I get some information because my subconscious gets on board and something comes out from my, this is why I like to do it by hand also, because there's a connection from your brain to your hand that's very intuitive that can give you information as opposed to doing it on the computer. But of course, anyway is fine. But see what happens, see what comes up for you and take a screenshot, send it to us, drop it on Instagram, tag us. We would love to see your wheel. And you don't even have to put it on Instagram. You could just send it to Catherine or I and tell us what comes up for you. We would love to hear. So thank you so much for joining us for this wheel of life toolbox, getting your hands in the soapy water of life and seeing what's there for you. Thank you, and until next time, folks. Thank you for joining us on the Desire is Medicine podcast.

SPEAKER_00 14:20

Desire invites us to be honest, loving, and deeply intimate with ourselves and others. You can find our handles in the show notes. We'd love to hear from you.