136 ~ Picky or Precise? What Do You Actually Want? (Tool Box Episode)

Wanting sounds simple until you try to say what you want out loud. We keep hearing people name the big dreams, then freeze on the small choices that would train the muscle of desire every day. So we recorded this toolbox mini-episode that is almost absurdly practical: order a tea or coffee with precision, then notice what happens in your body, your mind, and your heart.

We walk you through the Tea/Coffee Practice as a precision practice in real time. We slow down the default “whatever is fine” response and replace it with clear questions: Do I want it hot or iced? Sweetened or not? Strong or light? Milk or non-dairy creamer? How do I want it to taste, feel in my hands, and in my energy after the first/last sip? This is desire as mindfulness and embodiment. It is also desire as responsibility, because clarity gives life something real to respond to.

We also share our own exact orders, down to the details, to show you how this can be playful and revealing instead of performative. Then we guide you through a one-minute internal practice, where you state your order, refine it, and reflect on what comes up when you imagine receiving exactly what you asked for. You might find joy, resistance, grief, delight, or surprise and all of it is useful data for building self-awareness and self-trust.

Try the practice today with a real drink or an imaginary one, then come tell us what you noticed. If this kind of grounded desire work helps you, let us know.

Transcript

Welcome To Desire As Practice

SPEAKER_03 0:07

Welcome to Desire is Medicine. We are two very different women living a life led by desire, inviting you into our world.

SPEAKER_01 0:16

I'm Brenda. I'm a devoted practitioner to being my fully expressed true self in my daily life, motherhood, relationships, and my business. Desire has taken me on quite a ride, and every day I practice listening to and following the voice within. I'm a middle school teacher, turned coach and guide of the feminine.

SPEAKER_03 0:36

And I'm Catherine, devoted to living my life as the truest and hopefully the highest version of me. I don't have children, I've never been married, I spent equal parts of my life in corporate as in some down and low shady spaces. I was the epitome of Tired and Wired, and my path led me to explore desire. I'm a coach, guide, energy worker, and a forever student.

SPEAKER_01 0:58

Even after decades of inner work, we are humble beginners, on the mat, still exploring, always curious. We believe that listening to and following the nudge of desire is a deep spiritual practice that helps us grow.

SPEAKER_03 1:12

On the Desire as Medicine podcast, we talk to each other, we interview people we know and love about the practice of desire, bringing in a very important piece that is often overlooked, being responsible for our desire.

Precision Versus Being Picky

The Tea And Coffee Framework

SPEAKER_01 1:25

Welcome back to the Desire as Medicine podcast. We are so excited to be recording for you today a toolbox episode. That's right. Toolbox episodes are mini episodes where you get to play with your desire. So Catherine and I, every week for three seasons, are dropping episodes, talking about all these juicy, beautiful, sometimes lofty ideas about how you can have your desires. How do you have a life where you follow your desires? And so we inserted these toolbox episodes to help you play with desire. Because these toolbox episodes take the ideas and bring it down, kind of like getting your hands in the soapy water of life while you're doing the dishes and actually play with desire. So we are so excited to do that with you today. Because practice really helps. So last week we talked about precision of desire. Are you precise or are you picky? I don't know which one is it. We'd like to argue that being precise is a good thing, but definitely is a path to getting there. So we would like to say that being precise is a practice. So maybe if you're not precise now, maybe you want to be more precise. Listen to the last episode. We give so many reasons and we have such juicy discussions on why it is so great to know exactly what you want. So today we're gonna practice it. We like to call this practice, the tea and coffee practice. And we're really excited. I'm gonna hand it over to Catherine to get us started.

Brenda’s Detailed Tea Order

SPEAKER_03 3:30

Hey everyone. So the tea and coffee practice, our invitation for you today is all around that. It's a precision practice in real time involving a tea andor coffee order, because at the end of the day, we legit there are coffee people and there are tea people. I mean, I prefer coffee. And I don't even drink coffee all the time. And even with that, I know exactly how I want my coffee. I don't drink tea all the time. Also, know exactly how I would prefer my tea. And this is just uh, in case you didn't know about Catherine, I actually just prefer warm water above all things. I would just have warm water. Sometimes I'm in the mood for something flavored. So coffee or tea fall into that. The reason why I know is because I've asked myself certain questions. Like it's not the the default, oh, I'll take a normal coffee or oh, tea, I'll just take a bag of tea, the way we can order, like often order at a diner. It's more we get to pause and ask ourselves, like, what do I actually want right now? And based on what I want, do I want that drink to be hot or want it to be iced? Do I want it to be sweet or not sweetened? Do I want it to be strong or light? Like if it's coffee, do I want milk, creamer, a non-dairy creamer? Do I want something in it? If it's tea, do I want the tea bag steeped for a really long time? Not a long time. And how do I technically at the end of this experience, whether coffee or tea, how do I want to feel? Do I want to feel more energized? Do I want to have enjoyed the coffee taste? Do I want to smell the tea? Right now I just remembered. There's a tea ritual that people do, like in different yogic practices as well, that would take it even further where you're holding the tea and or the drink and you're drinking it and you're feeling the sensation as it goes from your lips down your throat. And do you want that experience to be really warm? Do you want it to be more room temperature? Do you want it to be cool? And then pausing after that sip to just be with what you just had is all part of this ritual to get you closer to this precision. I think in the yoga practice, they're doing a tea ritual more for presence to just be with what the experience is. So why are we inviting you to do this? It feels so basic. Basic coffee tea order. Most people just don't practice wanting enough. Like we don't, how often do we practice wanting? How often do we practice wanting something that we can actually get right now? Often people will tell me about their lofty things, the lofty things that they want, this big, bigger, better, batter. But we can practice with everyday things without rushing. Like just taking the moment to give it to ourselves. It's not about whether or not you choose coffee or tea. It's about being with yourself long enough with all the little micro choices so you know exactly how you want it. So that when you order it exactly how you want it, you get to experience something exactly as you wanted it. That's the point. Like that's why we practice this. So Brenda and I are gonna share our orders, and I'm gonna be asking Brenda this question. She's gonna ask me, and then we're gonna ask you. So stay with us here. I hope you love this practice. Brenda, would you like coffee or tea? I would like tea. Thank you very much. You're so welcome. And how would you like your tea?

SPEAKER_01 7:28

I would love a medium-sized pearl gray latte. And I would like it to be with coconut milk, please. And one teaspoon of honey. I would love it in a beautiful ceramic mug with a little napkin on the side. And I would like a light sprinkling of salt on the top of the tea once it's done.

SPEAKER_03 8:06

Thank you. Would you like the ceramic mug on a coaster? Yes, a place.

SPEAKER_01 8:12

On a coaster. On a coaster that's just a little bit bigger than the mug.

SPEAKER_03 8:17

Thank you. With the rim for the for the mug on the coaster. Thank you. And how much coconut milk would you like? I would like a quarter of a cup. Thank you. And would you like the tea to filter filter the brim or about a finger? How much like how far down from the lip do you want it to end? About a quarter of an inch. Thank you.

Catherine’s Clear Coffee Order

SPEAKER_01 8:44

Thank you. How cool was that, right? Like, oh, so good. And when you asked me about the size of the plate, I was almost, I was feeling into do I want a bigger plate and do I want cookies on that plate? It is good. Okay, great. That was really fun. Especially with the detail with the salt. I was like, ooh, that's so good. I could feel, I could see the frothing on the top of the latte. I'm super into like sprinkled salt lately. I do that on hot chocolate. It's so good. Okay. Catherine, would you like coffee or tea?

SPEAKER_03 9:22

I would prefer coffee, please. Thank you. And how would you like your coffee? I would like my coffee light and sweet, like a medium-sized coffee. I would like it to be three-quarters black, one quarter, half and half. The half and half can be warmed or not. Coffee warm. No ice and three sugars.

SPEAKER_02 9:50

I want it stirred so that the sugar is melted. And I don't need a coaster, but I would like a napkin.

SPEAKER_01 10:04

Thank you. And what kind of mug would you like it in?

SPEAKER_03 10:07

I don't have a preference. I would like for it to have a handle. I want the option to either hold it by the handle or or hug the cup. Thank you.

Your One Minute Desire Practice

Try It For Real And Share

SPEAKER_01 10:20

Beautiful. I'm gonna get right on that. Yes, yes. Great. So now we're going to take you through this same practice. It's going to be a little bit different, so stay with us. Okay. So this is for you, the listener. Would you like coffee or tea? Can answer in your mind. Great. And would you please give us your order? We're going to time one minute on the clock right now. Thinking about your order that you just gave. Is there something more that you'd like to add to that? Or something different that you'd like to change right now? You have a few moments to do that. How did it feel to give your drink order with such precision? What came up for you with such a precise drink order? Taking a moment to feel into that. Keep breathing. And when you imagine getting exactly what you want handed to you, what comes up for you? Feeling into that as you take some breaths. Can you sit with yourself, whatever's coming up, offering yourself kindness, love, and compassion for the experience that you're having? Not trying to change it in any way, not making it right or wrong, but just being with it. Just being with what you noticed. The beauty of this exercise is that you can do it again and again. There's infinite numbers of cups of coffee and tea, especially when they're imaginary. Taking a breath. And are you willing to try this? Are you willing to try this in your life? Are you willing to feel into exactly how you would like your tea or coffee or hot chocolate and order it? Or ask for it. Or even practice making it yourself. Taking a breath, offering yourself a gesture of compassion right now. Thanking yourself for trying this tea coffee practice. We're so grateful that you did. And we'd like to leave you with an invitation. The invitation is to actually try it. Whether you quote, want to or not, whether you feel like it or not, what if you just leaned in to this practice and tried it? What might happen? And please, please report back because we are very clear over here. We have very precise desire that we would like to know how your experience was. So you can email us, you can tag us on Instagram, you could drop a comment in the show notes, show notes. Whatever you do, please enjoy your imaginary and real cup of coffee or tea. Thanks for being with us today for this toolbox, and we look forward to more. Thank you for joining us on the Desire is Medicine podcast.

SPEAKER_03 16:46

Desire invites us to be honest, loving, and deeply intimate with ourselves and others. You can find our handles in the show notes. We'd love to hear from you.