143 ~ Why You Still Feel Unsatisfied (Even When Life Is Full)

If your life is full but you still feel oddly unsatisfied, it might not be because you need more. It might be because you haven’t digested what you already have. We continue to talk about “digestion” as a real practice for modern life, especially in an instant gratification culture where everything is available now and the next dopamine hit is always one click away. 

We explore what it means to receive what’s already here. As a grounded skill built through presence, intention, and self-care. We share a story about a high-performing mother who wants to “receive more” and what that reveals about overdoing, constant production mode, and the discomfort many of us feel when we stop. We also dig into why non-negotiable practices like body-based self-care can become the foundation for self-trust, intuition, and clearer boundaries. 

One of the most practical ideas is relationship digestion: setting aside meaningful time to reflect on one child, one partner, or one important person at a time, long enough for remembrance and integration to happen. We look at how control blocks reception, why surrender makes room for surprise, and how autopilot can erase whole chapters of our lives if we never pause to take them in. 

Let's keep exploring why so many of us keep chasing the next thing while missing the life we already have. Let's unpack “digesting” as a practice of presence that helps us receive love, relationships, and even our own accomplishments more fully.  

Some bullet points from this episode are:
• instant gratification and the cost of always being “on to the next”  
• receiving what has already arrived beyond simple gratitude  
• noticing overdoing and discomfort with stillness  
• making self-care practices unconditional and non-negotiable  
• digesting relationships through dedicated time and reflection  
• presence and intention as prerequisites for reception  
• loosening control to allow surprise and surrender  
• getting off autopilot so we don’t miss the moments in between  

Transcript

Welcome And The Digestion Series

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, welcome back, family, friends, listeners. I really hope that you have been loving the digestion series. Where Brenda and I have been talking about what it looks like to fully receive life, what it looks like when you're full, how to empty out to receive more goodness, I want to say. And please bear with me, bear with us as we try to describe something that happens in life, but not much is said about it. It's one of those things, it's a lived experience. But I don't think prior to personal growth, I ever said to someone, I think you're just full and you need to digest a little. I heard it as a kid before I jumped in a pool. If you just ate until you know you can't go into water, you're gonna get a bellyache. I've read it in books. I think 10x is better than 2x. I think they talk about peaks and valleys, how you can't be at a peak all the time. I've definitely heard it in our desire courses where we talk about you can't constantly be looking for the next high or the next oxytocin hit.

Instant Gratification And Life Overload

SPEAKER_00 1:17

But we live in a time where the opposite is present and prevalent. We're constantly getting instant gratification. I can Uber eat right now if I want. I can have a whole meal plan or like a week's worth of meals delivered. I can go on Amazon. I'm in New York. I can have same-day delivery. There are tons of things that I could just get right now. And do we ever even pause and look at all our packages and say, it's going to take me time to open every package, every box, and put it, find a place, and everything has a place and in its place. So we have these visual cues outside of us. Something very similar is happening inside. We've also touched on reception. Like we all want tons of things. We want to up level. I was having a conversation recently, and in this conversation, this woman said something to me. And if she's listening, you know who you are, that has stayed like resounding in the back of my mind. All of us talk about, and when I say us, I mean coaches, coaching industry, self-help world of how to have what you want. We all promise that. But how many of us are talking about receiving what you already have? We talk about it from the place of gratitude, appreciation. Can we fully receive a sunrise, a sunset? Can we pause and be with what is? But what about the other things that are happening in the world, in our lives, in the top three health, wealth relationships and the others, the other categories of our life. When I say categories, I would, if you haven't listened to the Wheel of Life toolbox, I would say go check that out. But where in your in our lives can we be better at receiving what has already come through? And I want to have this conversation with Brenda because we do our best when we meet to digest. And one of our favorite forms is talking. And I'm gonna

Receiving What You Already Have

SPEAKER_00 3:34

bring Brenda on. She's here, of course, because what would this podcast be without my co-host? And to talk about Brenda and I were talking about this the other day, and she was expressing to me how one of the ways that she digests her life is to be with her relationship with others, her children, especially, and how she had given this reflection to a client. Like it would be great for her client to pause and really take in her children. Can you say more about that exercise?

SPEAKER_01 4:06

I would love to. You know, this conversation about digesting our life is such a bigger one. And it's really led us really questioning and noticing how deep this topic actually is. And especially as we are in this instant gratification society. And I think your example of the Amazon packages is perfect about getting the package. And do you open it up and do you just like throw it on the side and then like go and order something else? Or do you really like find a place for it in your home and really enjoy it and use it before you're thinking about the next thing? Or are you just on to the next thing always? So many of us live a life where we're just on to the next thing. Even in parenting, I hear this all the time. I think it's just more and more prevalent, you know, soccer practice and piano and this and that and PT and OT, and always it's always on to the next thing. There's always something to do. And then when is the pause to just be and receive it all? It's very important. And so Catherine and I have been in these deeper conversations about it. And I think maybe the older you get and the more experiences you have in life, obviously there's more to digest. So I really am appreciating this conversation to slow down because I would I would guess, yes, there are things that we want more of in our life. But how do we have the things that we already have? How do we enjoy and appreciate and really receive the things that are already in our life? Because I would argue that if we fully receive those things that we already have, our children, our partner, our

Digesting Relationships One By One

SPEAKER_01 6:08

career, whatever it is, we might have more satisfaction with it and not think that something's wrong with it and we need a new one. Something's broken with this one. We need a new one. So yeah, just appreciating this conversation. And I do recognize that you asked me about my client. So I mean I'm gonna get back to that, but I just wanted to say those few things. So yeah, I have it's actually a potential client, somebody who came to me and was asking about receiving. And it really had me thinking, and this person has a bunch of kids. She wants to work on receiving more. And I was really getting excited thinking about well, what would I do with her as a coach if she was going to work on receiving? And one of the things that came to me as a mother was really digesting each of her children. Like imagine digesting each of your children one at a time. Now, if you're listening and you don't have children, maybe that's a friend, a lover, a family member. It could be insert anything really that's in your life. Imagine quality, dedicated, intentional time to digest each of your children, not in five or ten minutes, but imagine an hour for each child, or an hour for your brother, an hour to talk about what it was like to grow up with your sister. That's a game changer to really spend that amount of time digesting these relationships. Now, people are probably listening, going, okay, Brenda, how do we have an hour to just to digest each kid? Well, you don't have to do it all at once. And we do have some ideas for you on how to do that. But we're just right now not in the how. We're in the Walt Disney room of the ideal of what's possible here and maybe what's needed. And then we could talk about the how at another time. We just want you to feel the power of spending quality time digesting your experience of X, Y, or Z? Anything that came up for you around that.

SPEAKER_00 8:42

Thank you. I would like to circle back, and you may or may not have this. I don't, I'm not sure because I haven't asked you this yet. When you think about this person who has five children and sh her desire was to receive more, what had her feel like she wasn't receiving, or what was the thing she was seeing in her life that where she said, Oh, I think I need to receive more?

Overdoing And The Discomfort Of Stillness

SPEAKER_01 9:06

This is a great question. And I think it's so relatable for us as women. It's the overdoing, it's the constant production mode, chasing results. You know, and this is uh an accomplished, powerful woman. And she's really happy with her life. She loves her life, and she's recognizing that she's really uncomfortable when she's not doing. She's overdoing all the time. And these are these are her words.

SPEAKER_00 9:34

So, you as the observer and the holder, how do you like what had you say to yourself? Oh, I would, I think she. I'm not sure. Did you say receive more or did she say receive more?

SPEAKER_01 9:48

She specifically came to me because she said, Brenda, you're so good at receiving. We've been in spaces together. And she was so impressed at how I would take care of myself and how I would do my morning yoga practice and meditation practice, even though we were putting on a mystery school. I was receiving myself. I'm in my own experience. Like those things are unwavering for me. And what do you need to do in your own life to be at a place where there's certain things in your life that are unconditional? Like brushing your teeth. Like, how many things in people's lives do you have that are for yourself, for your well-being, for your health that are unconditional? That yoga practice that I do in the morning is unconditional, just like brushing my teeth. And so she was like, Oh, you're like a Venusian goddess. You're embodying love and presence and femininity by taking up this much space and being with yourself in that way. And she was like, I want that. I want that. And so she specifically came to me in learning how to receive. And when we spoke, and when I felt into this particular person and my own curiosity, how would I work with someone who wanted to receive more? This series that we were doing really got me thinking wow, one of the things I would do with this person is really digesting her life.

SPEAKER_00 11:28

Digesting what she already has. I think you may have answered the question that I just had, which was, okay, so how what is the bridge thought between, oh, I'm witnessing someone who has an immense amount of presence, self-care like I've never seen it? I want to be able to give myself more self-care. I want to be present with myself more andor others. I want these practices of taking care of myself to be non-negotiable. How do I make the connection that that means I have to be able to receive more? Is the thought that if I don't do regular self-care or I'm not putting myself first or I don't have that much presence, I guess I'm thinking if I were to hear that, would I I I love where you guys went. And so I think there's something that is seen by you. And you said, Oh, that you thought to yourself, I really think she would do like a great next step for her is to digest. And I I love that because that was your prescription, let's call it. One of them. Yes, one of them. And so, which makes so much sense that if someone is listening and they also feel like, oh, I want to receive more, digestion makes sense. But how does somebody know that if they're not able to maintain a self-care practice or put themselves first or take care of themselves first, how do they know that that's potentially a uh reception thing?

SPEAKER_01 13:24

This is a great question. How did she make that connection? I don't know. For her, there's something she wants more, and she saw that I embodied it. So for her, it was reception, right? So, what I would think of is all of these things digesting your children, having some practices that are non-negotiable in your life, whatever that is, and it can look very different. To me, that is being in a practice of slowing down, being in your body, which builds self-trust, confidence. It

Control Surrender And Being Surprised

SPEAKER_01 14:08

taps you into your intuition and what you know you can and can't do. So that's a practice if you're doing a body practice for your life. So for somebody who's constantly going from one thing to the next thing all the time, and you have a bunch of children and you're in a busy time of your life where that might just be the way it is, how do you enjoy it? How do you receive your life? So it's you don't just wake up one day and you're like, well, what the hell was that? Oh my God, I didn't even enjoy it. I didn't even enjoy my child's fifth birthday party because I was so busy in all the details and videoing the whole thing that I couldn't even really enjoy it. Right. So it's a slowing down in our bodies for presence and connecting to yourself. Because when you're connected to yourself, that's where life actually really begins. Because then you you know what you're available for and what you're not. You're also open to surprises in life because you're giving up control. If you're constantly going and chasing and trying to get results all the time, you're you're there's a certain amount of control that you are in. And there is a time and a place for that. Those are great things and they have great results, and we want the results from some of those things. So, how do you how do you have the bridge? Where's the bridge of having those things and then also being present and receiving your life?

SPEAKER_00 15:46

What I'm hearing is that it's pretty individual. Like somebody is going to see someone in this story that we're talking about. Someone saw you and saw something in you. They were like, I want that. And they gave that a name of reception. And when you speak of it and you bring it back to intention and presence, like, oh yes, intention and presence is required for reception. And so I love the connection. And what it has me think of is, oh, yes, intention and presence are prerequisite for reception. It's very hard for you to receive something if you're not present. You'll gloss over it or it'll just fly by you. You didn't capture it. You didn't capture it. It has me think of moments when I say thank you to something, and I don't really get to pause and say thank you to the person and really receive the gesture because I am in a speed of some kind for whatever reason. And so I love this breaking down and reminder, this remembering that presence and intention are sort of a prerequisite for reception. Yes, there is also the appreciation piece, the gratitude piece, the slowing down. Slowing down can be part of presence, but presence also has a capacity layer that isn't like you can slow down and not be present. Totally.

SPEAKER_01 17:22

And you could be fast and be present. Right. And I would say we can build our skill of presence by slowing down. Once you know how to be present by slowing down, because we need to slow it down and practice that skill, then you could try it at different speeds. But when we're in this constant going, producing, chasing motion, and in those places, I would argue that women are probably overriding themselves and their needs. Right. And going back to the big thing that you and I always say, saying yes or no when you mean the opposite. Um yeah, you just need to slow down to access that. And the other thing that's required for presence is the willingness to be surprised with reception. You know, the willingness to be surprised. You're not going to get to decide everything if you're receptive. Because life is going to offer you a whole bunch of things. And are you open to it? Or are you like, no, this is the way it is? We could think about that with the weather too. If it's raining out, you could be like, Well, I had plans today and now I cannot go on my walk because it's not sunny and beautiful. But if you're willing to just receive the present moment as what it is, put on your raincoat and go for a walk. And then you're actually just receiving the day. You just have to be willing to get out of your own way and get out of your own preferences for how you want it to be. Because your husband might come home and bring you flowers. And are you annoyed by that? I've been annoyed by that in the past. I used to be a woman who was annoyed when my husband gave me flowers. I couldn't receive it. There was a sense of annoyance for whatever the reason was at the time. There's a lot of control in there.

Remembering Love Through Reflection

SPEAKER_01 19:39

So can we give up control and be open to what life is offering us?

SPEAKER_00 19:45

I'm thinking about a very common thing that people talk about at weddings, and that they tell most people who've been married and had a big wedding will tell other people who are getting married and having a big wedding, try to eat, separate your food so that you're able to eat while you're there. It may be hard to spend time with everyone. What do you intentionally want to feel on the way out? This idea of do your best to really soak in the event because it's so quick. I hear people saying the same about toddlers or babies. Oh, zero to six months, it goes so fast, six to twelve months, it goes so fast. Then I hear parents who are parents to teens like, wow, where did the time go? It was just yesterday when I was breastfeeding. I think often when we think about what we want to acquire, we're thinking about a future something. And what we're wanting to say today is to remind ourselves, our listeners, family, friends, that there's also so much to be gained in receiving what has already occurred, whether that is just our own accolades or a relationship or yeah, I'm thinking of family, friends, like the things that really matter to us if we can pause and receive what has already happened. In addition to marrying that or coupling it with what we've been talking about here, is that how do you do that without self-care, without slowing down, without a personal like self-care practice? I think what we're saying today is that it's very hard to do. That's a great point.

SPEAKER_01 21:40

And I wanna I wanna say something about going back and digesting these parts of our lives. Like, why would I have someone go back and tell me about her children, each of her children, for an hour each? I'm just making up an hour. Maybe it's longer. For me, what it is is a remembering. Like a tapping into and a remembering of the love, because it's so easy to just get the next Amazon package and get the next thing at your door and unpack it and use it and move on to the next one. But if we really slow down and take the intentional time, let's just use the child child example to digest each child for a good amount of time. What we're doing in that space, like I could feel it. My heart just swells thinking about that, feeling into it. The potency of tapping into the love and the remembrance of why you're in this relationship, the love that you have, your role in the relationship is so powerful. And it gives a sense of the arc of your whole life. It brings you back into maybe some of the beautiful moments, maybe some of the painful moments. The why, why, instead of getting lost in the have to do this, have to do that. Why? Why is this so meaningful to you? And when I got when I tap into that place and I remember there's just a joyful gratitude that's so simple just for being alive. Just for being like, oh my God, this is my one wild and precious life. And I have these beautiful relationships. It helps me receive my own time on this earth even more.

SPEAKER_00 23:41

That's beautiful. Thank you for bringing us back to that. So I'm going to quote Brenda earlier. She said, we have more to digest as we get older. And I don't know if that's true or isn't.

Autopilot Living And Not Missing Moments

SPEAKER_00 23:55

I haven't sat with it. Like, is it true for me? Is it not true for me? I do think that in my younger years, potentially everything is novel. Like there's a lot of firsts when you're younger. So the first time you're doing this, first time you're doing that. And as you get older, the first lesson, and there's a lot more autopilot. And when we're an autopilot, it's really hard to be present. Like, how often are we driving to somewhere that we go very often and it's just muscle memory? And the next thing you know, you left your home or left your location and you're at the next location. You forgot what happened in between, or you missed what happened in between. That's part of the art of digesting. Can we do our best to not miss what happened in between? When it first happens, when you first have the child, when you first get into the relationship, when you first get the new job, when you first move into the house. It's all so new and so novel and so shiny and bright. And then things happen to sort of mucket potentially along the way, and it's maybe doesn't meet our expectations or exactly how we thought it would be. And then it just feels like, oh, just another day.

Slow Down To Receive More

SPEAKER_00 25:06

And what we're doing today is inviting you to slow down. We're constantly inviting you to slow down, to slow down, bring some intention and some presence. As Brenda says, also bring some surrender so you can digest what has already occurred to fully receive what has already happened. May that help you bring even more into your life of what you want. Let us know how this landed for you. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time.