The Mom Panel - Dreams, Diapers and Relationship Dynamics!

In this episode of The Mom Panel, we get real about the beautiful chaos of motherhood, entrepreneurship, and the ongoing quest to rediscover ourselves as women—not just moms. We talk about what it means to wear all the hats—businesswoman, mother, partner, friend—and how exhausting, rewarding, and hilarious it can be to juggle it all. From chasing business goals with babies on our hips to the complicated layers of intimacy, identity, and self-worth, we share our stories with honesty, heart, and humor.

From the pressure to “get your sexy back” to not even recognizing yourself in the mirror some days, we share the raw truth about body image, intimacy, identity, and why some days you just have to laugh through the mess.

This conversation is for every mom who’s ever felt stretched thin, laughed at the mess, or wondered when she’d feel like herself again.

We also dive into the impact our work has on family life, the importance of connection, and how understanding our love languages (and our limits) can change everything. Whether you're deep in the diaper phase or rebuilding your confidence after kids, this episode is a reminder: you’re not alone—and your village is right here.

Takeaways:

Parenting is a balancing act between work and family.
Quality time can be as simple as nine minutes a day.
Embracing imperfections is key to parenting.
Self-discovery is essential for being a good parent.
Creative ventures can enhance motherhood experiences.
Understanding love languages can improve relationships.
Finding time for intimacy is challenging but necessary.
Work can impact family dynamics significantly.
Scheduling quality time with family is crucial.
Self-care is important for maintaining relationships.

Want to be a guest on our podcast? Contact us at: BTDubsWithJackie@gmail.com

Transcript

Jill: [00:00:00] This like, life is not sexy. So it's like very hard for me. It really isn't. You know, like, mom, life is not sexy. The constant juggling of the stuff, you know, when you're in even like, it really doesn't matter which phase. 'cause like, I'm out of like, you know, diaper phase, like right now with my, but like, like that not sexy, like it's waking up early, like all the, it's just for me, it's just not.

Jill: So it's like very hard for me to flip the switch to then get into that mo. I think that's where I really struggle is like same, I think for, and maybe it's like men, but I feel like my husband, like my daughter could go down for bed and like if I. Said it was on, it could be on. But for me, I'm like, I just can't like, flip a switch.

Jill: Like I, I feel gross. Uh, like I feel like I'm tired, like I'm body tired by the end of the day. Yes. So it's just like, I find that part of it really [00:01:00] challenging

Michelle: him and his friends. To, uh, what is it called? The, uh, Dave and Busters on Saturday. Mm-hmm. Ooh. And I don't know why I had the grand idea to do that, because it's gonna cost me more than, here we go again. Right, right. It's like, what was I thinking? What was I thinking, 

Jackie: ma'am? So I just wanna say that you are like, there's, there's something in Spanish.

Jackie: I'm gonna say it in Spanish and then I'll translate. It's, um, CIA and you're Portuguese. So it's, it's before, before I'm simple, I'm dead like. I'm not, I'll be, you know what I mean? So, so like, [00:02:00] you're, you're literally never gonna be like a simple girl. Like that's it. Never, you're just like, go big or go home and then I'll, I'll deal with the consequences later.

Michelle: So it's, I don't know what I was thinking. I really don't, I wanna cry. I know, because it's gonna be all these kids. With, oh gosh. You know, they're all complex. Like, 'cause they're from his school. Cute. And those are his friends. Right. That's so cute. They either so cute have autism or they have something different.

Michelle: So, and here's the thing. At, at Dave and Busters, you can only see 20 people. So if you have more than 20 people, the like they have to go sit somewhere else. And so, and then I was like, okay, well I'll rent a room. So they [00:03:00] send me a quote for the room. It's like $2,000. I'm like, no, we're not renting a room.

Michelle: So I'm gonna figure out, and I think that the parents are gonna have to just go to the bar and then we will pass out. You know, the kids can sit down or something. I don't know. But now, um, but I think it's gonna be okay, like. A lot of people are kind of out of town because of Easter and stuff like that.

Jackie (2): Mm-hmm. 

Michelle: Yeah. So, um, there's a couple of his friends, they're not gonna make it, but anyway, yes. So it 

Jill: works out. Miss Jill is, do we have a guest today? So it turns out, speaking of Easter, good Friday, my husband is off. 'cause the markets are closed. Oh yeah. So she's with him. Oh, yay. So yeah, they went, um, they went to go play outside.

Jill: So it actually, it was fine. Worked out. Worked out. Oh, it would've been fine either way, but it definitely would've been a different, a different vibe. So it worked out [00:04:00] that, um, that he was able to take her. I was like, oh good, you're not working. I love you guys. Bye. Oh, that's 

so 

Jill: cool. Bye. I was telling Michelle, like about, I had an IG live once with someone, um, who has like a very, I was on her, her podcast and she is like a pretty large podcast in my space, like in the education parenting space.

Jill: And she wanted to do like an Instagram live to promote it. I was like, oh, yeah, totally. But um, then my parents who were supposed to watch Ray that day. My dad was sick and they ended up not coming. I was like, it'll be fine. Like my, you know, my whole work is independent play. My daughter's great at like playing on her own and she did great.

Jill: She was like right next to me, like playing while I was doing it. And then as we're like about to close it out, she's like, I have to go poop. Like during the live, I was like, okay, babe, go ahead and go to the potty. We continue and then just start screaming from the bathroom [00:05:00] screaming, I need help. I need help wiping mama.

Jill: I need help. And like at this point, like I'm just trying to wrap it up, like I'm just trying to wrap it up. And it was like, and then like this way, I mean, God bless, but she just like, she's continuing to like, ask questions. I was like, I, I can't. Do this. Like, I also like, so then my daughter starts like creeping out of the bathroom.

Jill: Like I'm not hearing her 'cause I'm not like coming, even though I keep saying I'm gonna come in a minute, whatever. I'm like, so now she's like walking around with like a poop. But I, it was just like, it was fine. But I remember just like the level of stress of like, like this is like being broadcast to whoever.

Jill: But I was saying to Michelle, like, at least like in our space, like I feel like parents are usually like pretty. Yeah. Understanding when stuff like that happens. 'cause we're all like, mm-hmm. Oh, we've all been there one time or another, but woo, we, it like had gone so well. I was like, wow. That was, I was so worried.

Jill: It was fine. And then in the last like five minutes, it just like all went, all hell broke loose. [00:06:00] 

It got really real. It got real, real, 

Jill: real, real. And I was just like, and I felt bad for her too because like. I get it. Like, you know, you're like sitting there waiting and like, you know what felt like a second to me, like probably felt like an eternity to her, but I was just like, well, you guys can find me at chili beans.

Jill: NYC, thank you so much for all your parenting needs just right here, just like this. That's, I feel like there's also, sometimes I like put this like added pressure on it, which I'm sure it's like a me thing, but because like. I'm supposed to be, you know, an expert in, I be really more in play, but like, oh yeah, in this space.

Jill: Yeah. Where then I'm like, I feel like when it, you know, I'm like, oh God, like what are people gonna think? And then after I was just like, they're gonna think like, your kid went to the bathroom. Like, what are you, what are you? Yes. Like, your kid doesn't go to the bathroom. Like, but I was starting to like kind of go down a hole of like.[00:07:00] 

Jill: You know, like, of like, what, what does it look like? And it's like, it looks like your kid goes to the bathroom like every other kid, like, you know. But sometimes I think I like do that to myself where I'm just like, you know, I'm afraid of the, what the perception is and I try to fight it by like being more transparent yesterday actually.

Jill: So my daughter's home on spring break, which is why I thought she was gonna be on with me today. And we, she had picked out this, um, like thing we were in Target and it was like a set of butterfly wings, like cardboard, butterfly wings that kind of like look like stained glass, like they have like different colors.

Jill: Cute. That you put in whatever. Mm-hmm. Yeah. It looked cute. It was like five bucks. I was like, sure, we can do it one of the days when you're home. And we opened this thing up and I'm just like, oh, hell no. Like it was, it was a million pieces. There was nothing like age appropriate about it. And. I like, we do a lot of art here and like a ton of.

Jill: Um, you know, creating and stuff like that. My house is always, as I'm sure you can see behind [00:08:00] me, like a disaster of stuff, but like, I don't, we don't do crafting, like that's like a different thing. Like I actually don't enjoy that at all. It's, I don't like, yeah. Step by step in questions. Instructions and it has to be, it's a lot.

Jill: Be a certain way. Yeah. It's 

Jackie: overwhelming. 

Jill: Yeah. I don't like it all. It like activates all my perfectionism and like it's just not good. Oh gosh. So we're like doing this thing and I'm trying like I almost lose it multiple times. Like I cannot with it. I hate it so much. And then finally at one point Ray goes, Ray goes Mama.

Jill: It's fine. It's just butterfly wings. It's fine. I was like, good. At least you have it together. Like, thank God, because here I am like I'm freaking out. I'm like, because I, you're gonna work like freaking out. Anyway, all this to say, we finally, we did figure it out. We finished it, but it was not a very enjoyable process for me.

Jill: And then I posted this picture of her when we were outside of like the back of the wings and you could see like the colors reflecting on the sidewalk. And I was like, [00:09:00] if I wanna put this up. I need to like be real about what a fricking nightmare making these was. Because I feel like, like that's kind of the problem, right?

Jill: With social media and stuff is like, we're seeing this like curated thing and then people look at it and they're like, mm-hmm. Oh, I don't ever do something like that with my kid. I'm like, if you knew what was going on here, like it was a, was a nightmare you 

Jackie: guys. 

Jill: Yeah, it was like, it was horrible and I did not handle it well at all.

Jill: So I did, and I just was like, I said it, I was like, um, truth be told, like, these might look nice, but like, and I just said everything I said to you and I got so many messages. From moms, like in my community being like, like, oh thank God. Like I hate stuff like this. Or you know, oh, I like always thought 'cause like your show.

Jill: Like, I never thought you would feel like that. I'm like, I feel like that all the time. So all this to say, whether it's like the poop story or that I feel like we like have to talk about this stuff and like normalize it. 'cause otherwise people are seeing whatever curated thing they're seeing. Yeah. And they think they're the only ones that like struggle or feel that way.

Jill: [00:10:00] So that's my absolutely my soapbox moment for today. 

Jackie: No, that was so entertaining. I enjoy hearing you guys' stories. They're so funny. And you know, like littles are always so entertaining to me. Like every single one, every single one, it's 

Michelle: so, no. This week, um, Rio. So, well, not this week. Last week Rio decided that she wants to have a YouTube channel.

Michelle: Oh. And I was like, so she's like, so now she's been making like videos. So the other day she, she, she uses her iPad to record and she's literally, if I close the door, 'cause she's whole don't wanna talk about my, yeah. When she's listening, telling 

Tiesha: her business. 

Michelle: She starts dancing, like she's like on a, like in a TikTok strip [00:11:00] bar, and she starts like climbing on things and then she goes and she opens her junket and then she takes her jacket off and then she ties it around.

Michelle: And then she used to doing all this, you know, sexy stuff. And I was like, I cannot put this on your YouTube channel, my daughter. No way. My gosh. It won't be, it won't be like, you know what's 

Jackie: crazy? Your, your daughter and mine are the same kid. I, I mean, we raised the same kid and I don't know if it's the state or something, but like maybe, or maybe the Latina thing like this, you know, it might be a Latino thing.

Jackie: Know, because we love to dance and we love to just be so showy and like our makeup and all, well, you guys know, you guys already know, but like, and. I sent, I sent the video to my 

Michelle: family and that they had to remind me that I used to do, there's [00:12:00] in Brazil, there's this woman who I, I'll, I'll send it, I'll send the video to you guys and then you can tell me what it is that you, that, I guess I used to copy her, so I'll send it to you.

Michelle: She's, she's super old now, but I'll send it to you, but she just goes like. Pty Pty Peety. That's 

Jackie: Michelle's dancing you guys just, 

Michelle: anyway. I need to, oh my gosh, that's hilarious. It's like a very well known song in Brazil and I guess that I used to do that, so, oh, there you go. That's the, my family didn't have that is she's not 

Jackie: Brazilian if she doesn't love dancing.

Jackie: I am sorry. That's right. It's true. Even my, my half. French Canadian child right now that's, has just the cutest little hip thrust on music. It's so cute. I'm like, that's my kid that's, see, he, he might be fair. Yeah, [00:13:00] but he is half Latino, you know? There you go. That's the same, same way over here 

Michelle: in this. Yes.

Jackie: Taisha, you're laughing your butt off. I wanted to just like, I know, I was like all week. Um, so now Taisha finally my, my algorithm brings you up on my on, on my feed and I, I didn't have that before. Um, so I've been witnessing Taisha a lot, obviously. Michelle too. Um, Jill, it's your discrepancy. If you wanna add my crazy.

Jackie: But to social media, I do not blame you if you, if you don't, because I'm, we, I'm just like, are we not, you 

Jill: don't, we don't 

Jackie: follow each other. I don't, no. It's, um, Instagram is different from actual personal stuff like, um, social media. Oh, okay. 

Tiesha: Yeah. 

Jackie: Yeah. So don't worry about it if you don't, but. Anyways.

Jackie: Michelle and Taisha are now on my personal stuff and, and I get real, you guys, you see me, you see me here, you, I get real on social media and we just [00:14:00] had like this whole debacle last week. It was, but um, enough of that, everybody started DMing me 'cause they're, my, my friends are really shy. They're, it's funny because I, I befriend some really shy people, but they be in my dms like, girl, what is happening?

Jackie: Like, what is going on? And um, I'm like, I know I'm, I'm ready to block a lot of people right now. So anyways, but, and, and I'm all inclusive, you guys, seriously? I am. For even the, the most opposite of, that's why I love this podcast and I want it to be so like different and like. Diverse because I love the different, you know, takes on stuff.

Jackie (2): Mm-hmm. And, 

Jackie: um, so I will never, ever hate on you because you're different than me ever. Um, but it came to a disrespectful debacle with this person and he and I had been friends for a long time and now. He is not a friend anymore. I didn't block him because I still feel that, you know, he's not a friend anymore.

Jackie: [00:15:00] He's not a friend anymore. Not on Facebook, not a friend anymore block. But all that to say to, I've been on Tisha's stuff and, and girl, you're, you're on fire too. Share. Share. I know our topic today is like a little bit gonna like go on. The left or right, like completely the opposite of what we're talking about right now, but like, yes.

Jackie: Do you wanna share like how you're feeling? You're on a couple podcasts this week, like that's kind of exciting, 

Tiesha: right? Yeah. So what ended up happening is I am curating, um, a motherhood anthology. And with this anthology is moms from all different walks of lives, uh, to just share their story. Because our stories are unique, like you just talked about.

Tiesha: Like we're all different and we all have different kids. We're all different people, all different backgrounds. So I feel like that particular, um, anthology is going to be able to help somebody, right? Mm-hmm. It's all [00:16:00] about inspiring, having fun, so it's not just like a boring book. Um. I'm doing, uh, well, we're doing short stories, uh, poetry.

Tiesha: So it is open literally to any mothers who would like to be a part of the anthology. Well, we're gonna talk about that later, you 

Jackie: and I, because I think you needed to be on in my emails, and I know you have a lot going on, so I'm just gonna email you directly. Okay. That, 

Tiesha: that's perfect because the first person, right.

Tiesha: And with that I was, um, this one, uh, lady, uh, Charmaine, she actually. Heard a piece of my story and she was like, I gotta interview you. Like you are 13 and pregnant and you are doing this, this, that, and the third, and you act like it's normal. And I was just like, well, I mean for me it is normal for me.

Tiesha: Right? So it's been like really, really fun. Um. Like getting that momentum back. But yeah, like it's really dope. Well, 

Jackie: you're on fire and I wanna congratulate you and thank, thank you. And I am so proud of all of you guys. [00:17:00] I guess for my personal stuff, I'm all private and I don't share a lot of my stuff, but I'll tell you guys, I, um, I am, right now I'm doing live selling, um, and I have like my little baby brand.

Jackie: And, um, for clothing, and I just think it's so cute. Yeah. That's awesome. Its, yeah, and I just got like, some of this stuff like from, um, overseas and with the tariff stuff and I just had like a little camo moment and I was like, you know what? I, I like boy clothes mostly because there's so much for girls.

Jackie: So I'm gonna go gender neutral. Yeah. And more boys. Um. But it's hard to find you guys like stuff from boys, two boys though, hill. Yeah, I know. So that's, that's gonna be my little project on the side and, um, going by selling. Yeah, it's so cool. And, and it, and it just gets me out of my routine and I feel it's awesome.

Jackie: So all that being sad, mommy is at home, like if you guys wanna hustle and stuff, you've got four examples. How you can do it even with kids, you know? [00:18:00] Yes. Meeting your attention, having um, so much to do, uh, in your life and it's overwhelming and at times you wanna quit. And right now Michelle is like expressing how hard it is for her, but you know.

Jackie: Um, that's just part of the process. So I encourage everyone to continue their ventures, try to, um, get out there. 'cause I think the first wonderful thing about, um, being your own boss is you get to, even in this aspect, I think that you need to just put your first foot forward and then just. Trust the process.

Jackie: And we lost Michelle. Did we lose Michelle? I think we lost Michelle. Okay. But she'll come back. 

Jill: I, Jackie, I also, can I just say one thing on that? Yeah. I think, um, I feel like there's been such a shift that's happening, like certainly for moms, but just in parenthood in general, where it's like, hey. Mm-hmm.

Jill: It used to feel like if you were like a career [00:19:00] person, right? Like if you were a working parent, there was like one way that that looked. Yeah, and I don't know if it's just like times changing or like the pandemic. Oh yeah. I feel like probably played a role in it. I know definitely for me it did. 'cause that kind of changed my course personally in my work.

Jill: But I feel like now there's just so many different versions of what it means to. Be a parent and then also pursue other things, whether that's like in your career or your other interests and passions. I feel like it's very like exciting and empowering for us because yes, there isn't this idea of it like having to be one thing.

Jill: There's actually this amazing book, um. Her name is Neha. She, she's from Manhattan, but she sort of like created this movement called Mother Untitled. I don't know if you like follow that Instagram. No, I haven't. I feel like you guys would really like it, but she wrote a book Okay. Called The Power Pause that essentially like, is this like, she was like a huge career person and then had kids and just felt this [00:20:00] pole.

Jill: For a change, at least for like a season of her life. But recognize that like it didn't have to mean that like your career is over and that actually like. Changing shape in motherhood or pausing or whatever it looks like for you actually like, makes you more of an asset when you decide to return to work and if and how, right?

Jill: Absolutely. Mm-hmm. Like she talks like a lot about this stuff and um, has like a lot of resources for people that are maybe looking to find kind of where they're at once they have kids. But I find it really inspiring and I feel like there's. There's just like so many different ways to make it work for yourself and still figure out who you are in all aspects of your life.

Jill: Not just being a mom. You know, mom, yay. I, 

Jackie: I, I see that so like a resource right now because I feel like you're right. Things are changing and for the ones that really tested the waters, went out there, [00:21:00] did the work, and then. Start it over 'cause it didn't work, right. Mm-hmm. Kind of, you know. 

Jackie (2): Mm-hmm. Failed, 

Jackie: I guess.

Jackie: But I, I don't like to use that word because I don't see it as failure. I don't, yeah. Right. Um, even when you fail, I really do believe that you learn so much by failing. Definitely by losing money. Mm-hmm. Yes. By losing money, by losing, um, following, by making mistakes, by, um, that's 

Michelle: what it's all about.

Jackie: That's what it's all about. That's right. Yeah. So, you know all of that to say that. Yes. Uh, we definitely, I think that this episode will definitely be, um, part the, um, entrepreneur, solopreneur, mompreneur. Yay. I love it. You know, if. You know, um, just to really talk about those things. Um, I do wanna start with the one I really wanted to and, and I'll, I'll, I'll kind of segue into it.

Jackie: Um, my husband is also an entrepreneur and [00:22:00] he and I are both just with that mindset of small business all the time. And we love to talk about being creative. I think where it comes from really, like the core is being creative and mm-hmm. Being, having that, um, vision, if you will, of like having a certain outcome, whatever that outcome may be.

Jackie: Right. If you wanna help people, if you want to, um, see m. Your family more, um, have more time at home, um, make more money, which is a lot of stuff. A lot of times we, we don't talk about it like that and we don't say the actual phrase, make more money. Like, it's like it's important, but it should be very important to all of us.

Jackie: Right. Um, right. And it's almost taboo in some cultures or in some viewpoints. Um, but that's a vision too. Having more money. Right? Like it doesn't have to be a million dollars. It could just. [00:23:00] Pay the mortgage and your car, I don't know, like, um, and then have savings on top of that. It, it, whatever your goal is.

Jackie: Right. So at this point, um, thank goodness, Michelle, you're back. I wanted to, I didn't wanna like, exclude you from the conversation mm-hmm. In terms of like the relationship stuff as well. Um, so 

Michelle: I'm sorry I missed the whole conversation and now I feel like I'm totally lost. So 

Tiesha: No, 

Michelle: we're gonna start a new topic right now.

Michelle: Yeah. Okay. Okay. 

Tiesha: Okay. I was waiting for you. Right. Which is right. Which is perfect. Uh, based off of what you was just saying, Jackie, about, you know, being a mother, even with Jill stating how, you know, yeah. It looks different. Like, you know, being, you know that entrepreneur also with Michelle being this real boss.

Tiesha: Mother. Mm-hmm. Um, where she, you know, she, she's running her, uh, her business and she's also, um, working a nine to five while being a mom, being a wife. Like it [00:24:00] looks different Absolutely. For everybody. But she still is able to show up as herself, and a lot of times as mothers and just parents in general, we do not focus on the parent and parenthood.

Tiesha: We look at the whole thing. But as a parent, you're still an individual. Like you are still an individual person and you still get to show up how you feel the need to show up, which is why it's okay that we are imperfect because inside of the word imperfect, it says imperfect, right? So like regardless of what the mess may look like or what people may see, like we're all imperfect individuals.

Tiesha: But you are perfect for your child. Your child. It's perfect for you, especially entrepreneurs. It's like one day we may have $5. One day we'll have a negative five. Tomorrow we may just get that $5,000 mark, but we still have to keep going, um, in this journey of, you know, balancing everything out. So y'all rock.

Jackie: [00:25:00] Yeah, you do too. Taisha. And you know, so with that I just feel that sometimes as parents, as. As, uh, moms, as, as dads, um, for you, audience, whoever you are. Um, there does come a time and there, that's, that's what we're gonna talk about today is relationships and within our family dynamic. And yes, it's completely left field from the first topic, but you know, it's part of the same thing in a way because we are in a household with goals.

Jackie: Mama's here, dad's over there, or Mom, mom here, dad, dad there. Whatever that your, your home comprise is comprised of. And um, or sometimes it's grandma, grandma and grandpa raising kids, and you're a new mom now and a new papa now because you know you're raising your grandkids. However your [00:26:00] household dynamic is.

Jackie: I just know that children come into our world to bless us, but also there are. Challenges that happen in a relationship dynamic that could arise. And actually, I know so because the two times in my two different marriages that I've, you know, had children in, it's happened. So, um, so I wanna talk about those things today.

Jackie: And I know, you know, everybody here has a different story to tell, but let's start with like a couple just to. Get into it real quick. Um, so one of these questions that I was, you know, like trying to look for this podcast episode today, I, I, I really kinda liked and, um, it starts something like, if someone asked you today, are you in love with your partner?

Jackie: What will your honest answer be after kids? Um, I know we all start off really, [00:27:00] absolutely. Loving our partner. That could mean in love. It could be, you know, whatever love means for you. I know that there is butterflies sometimes if you, unless you are in, in, in a arranged marriage, which a lot of cultures do, you know, a lot of us get married with, you know, have with, with love, with a lot of love and being in love.

Jackie: Um, so. I don't know. Do you guys wanna, I know we don't have a lot of time, but let's talk about some of the ways, I guess I'll start first. Um, if you guys wanna piggyback after, but like, I. I feel like a lot of the time there is a difference between being a mom and being a wife. And how do you become, how do you glue both of them, right?

Jackie: Like, how do you say, I know Tisha's already shaking her head and it's, it's so hard and I'm [00:28:00] gonna tell you guys something that's very private, um, for me at least, and I'm not. I, I am, I'm not afraid to say it because I think that I might actually have some of my mamas out there that feel the same way. But I actually told my hubby before having kids that it was gonna change even sexually.

Jackie: Um, when. A baby were to happen if, if like we ever got pregnant. And he was so confused. He didn't understand. And the reason I, I knew that it, you know, that this was gonna happen is 'cause it, it had already happened before. In fact, it was one of the reasons why I had a problem in my marriage prior and then later I divorced from that marriage.

Jackie: Um, so I can't and have a hard time separating being a wife. And a mom. I have a really hard time [00:29:00] connecting those two pieces together and then finding myself. I find myself looking in the mirror and I can't seem to. Say like I did before, oh, you look great. You're gonna knock his socks off when he sees you, you know, this whole sex appeal and like this feeling of you're a bad bee, you know, you, you, you go and strut those, you know, whatever, like high heels or put your face on.

Jackie: I don't know. And it's been a journey. I don't know. Does any, do you guys. A relate or what is your take on this? 

Tiesha: I guess for me, mine would, would be totally different. Um, so I have to go a different route with that because with me, my family is blended. Um, I do not have any biological kids with my husband.

Tiesha: We both came in with babies. [00:30:00] Um, but there was. A big shift. There was a big change because it goes from, you know, me being single mom by myself, me and my daughter rocking out life for 10 years where it's just like, do, do, do, do, do. And then I get into this marriage and it's like, okay, I'm mom, I'm wife. But who am I really?

Tiesha: So me having to just literally, you know, go through the process of learning who I am as an individual and then I'm able to show up in those roles. But it did, it took me to know me as a person, um, to be mom, to be wife simultaneously, and I messed up, uh, many of times with that because as a. A single mom, it was always my baby before anybody, like, I'm stepping behind mine, like, like she comes first.

Tiesha: Mm-hmm. But then I get married and it's like, you know, the husband, you know, you, the wife submits to the [00:31:00] husband and that, that whole order and it didn't register in the beginning. So it was like I was playing both sides, trying to make sure each of them was satisfied with me as a person, um, in those particular roles.

Tiesha: And then I had an epiphany, like I had to get counsel, um, was supposed to seek wise counsel, so it was like, you know, Nikki, one day Tenaya is going to be grown and gone and you're stuck at home with your husband, so you need to figure this thing out. And it was in that moment I had to know that my husband was absolutely priority for me, so I had to get my sexy back because in those moments of uncertain.

Tiesha: It was just like, I'm just blah, like I'm just here. Like nobody's really seeing me. It was like a tug of war. I'm being pulled left and right. It's like it was a competition for my attention and they both wanted love for me and I was struggling to actually [00:32:00] figure out how to make them feel loved at the same time, um, without losing me.

Tiesha: So, yeah, I, I get, I dunno, that's so strong. I love that. I love that. Yeah. I don't know what it'd be like if we ever had kids together, but coming from that standpoint, that's what it was like. And when she got grown, like right now she's gone like, we had to prepare for this moment. And had I not had that moment of.

Tiesha: It took a major conflict for me to get to that moment. Um, and if that hadn't have happened, I'm not sure how this would've played out. I probably would've been single again and my child gone living her best life talk to me when she feels like it and I'm like, dang. I. So it wasn't about choosing my husband over my child, it was about choosing me.

Tiesha: So I'm able to show up whole to the both of them, 

Michelle: girl, Isha, and, and the good thing is, is that you're doing [00:33:00] this early, like, you know, since you had a child so early, you're still doing this in early lives. Now I will tell you that being 48, about to turn 49. With two little kids at home who, it's like, what, what do you do?

Michelle: And this week it, it's very interesting that we're having this conversation because it seems like every single day, this week we've had this conversation, you know, Rio, two nights ago, um, she, I can't remember what we were doing. And I was on my phone and I was trying to do something and she looks at me and she goes, I just want to do something with you, mommy.

Michelle: And I'm like, just gimme one [00:34:00] minute. 'cause I gotta finish this little real. And it's just like, you never play with me. You never play with me. And then she started bawling, oh my baby. And she's like. You never have time to play with me, and all I want is play with you and you are always at work and you have two jobs.

Michelle: Why can't you just can't? You just have one job. Why do you have to have two jobs? Why do you have to work for Stryker and why do you have to have complex kids? And I was like, holy. Shit. Right? Like, this is happening with my daughter. 

Jackie (2): Mm-hmm. 

Michelle: Like it's, it's okay that my husband is complaining about this, but for my seven, for my 8-year-old to come and say something like that, obviously I'm doing, I'm not, if she's complaining and my husband is complaining and I'm like, [00:35:00] what the hell am I doing?

Michelle: Right? Mm. So as soon as she said that, I, I, you know, my, my reaction was, Hey baby girl, I know mommy's very, very busy, but I want you to know that the reason why I'm doing the two jobs is that I can leave one of them soon, so I have more time with you guys. And then, you know, the guilt that comes along with that.

Michelle: Absolutely. And then of course, my husband got in the middle of it, and then he made it even worse. And I was like, oh no, because he goes, don't worry Rio, she's not singling you out. She doesn't have time for anybody. She doesn't have time for me. She doesn't have to. And I was like, oh, thank you. Throw me under the bus and.

Michelle: Crush. Oh no. You know, run me over. Oh, no. But it was, it was like this week, it's just been about that. It's like. I am doing [00:36:00] all these things and yes, I'm showing up more. I'm doing this masterclass that I've been doing for two weeks, and it is taking time away. I am recording my own podcast, so that's taking time away.

Michelle: So when I'm home, I'm not 100% at home because I can't really be there. And this week she had, um. She was on spring break and so I think that she needed a little bit more because she wasn't around her friends, you know, the whole week. And so, I mean, it was, and, and now I am wondering like, how can I make all this work?

Michelle: I got got. 

Tiesha: So it's possible tell you to be both her mic who Yeah, it's, it's, it's definitely, I'm, I'm, I'm gonna say it real quick and then I'm gonna, I'm gonna yield the mic to Jill, but it is possible, and kudos to Rio for expressing how she felt. Absolutely. Even though I [00:37:00] know it hurt your soul. Like that thing hurt.

Tiesha: And then for no hubby to jump in, like. Somebody else is feeling what I'm feeling guns blazing, right? So I don't shoot me to take it 

Michelle: like I'm a target. It was literally, that's what it was. It was like, I don't want, Michelle, 

Tiesha: don't, don't take that moment like. Everybody is jumping on me. It was just in that moment, the emotions were high and that's the only way they were able to get out what they really, how they really felt.

Tiesha: Mm-hmm. Right. Yeah. So the same way you schedule to do your masterclass the same way you schedule to do your podcast, we gotta schedule some time in with baby girl. I know. Even if it's just 10 minutes. And that's the thing, yes, we think that it has to be hours at a time. It can literally be doing a TikTok that the little dance you did earlier and be that she [00:38:00] likes dancing, like she would have had a blast that would make her day.

Tiesha: And it's, it's literally the small things. And as parents, we like to think big, like, I gotta do this, I gotta do that. And as mom, it's like I'm providing, I'm working all these jobs so y'all can have, and I'm doing this and I'm doing that. I show up at your games, I show up at your cheer. But that baby wants quality time with mommy.

Tiesha: Yeah. Your and I. 

Michelle: Quality time with you. So after I said that, I was like. How about she, of course, like she needed mom. So I dropped everything and she came and snuggled with me and it was time for bed. Oh. So she came and I let her sleep next to me. And um, it was then I told her, I said, okay, this is what I want you to do tomorrow when you wake up.

Michelle: I want you to make a list of all the things that you want to do with mom. And then we are going to do one pick one of those things every [00:39:00] week and we're gonna do it together at probably on the weekend. 'cause now that's good. The one thing that I did do at work was I. Stepped away from taking calls, call on the weekend, uh, because we have to have somebody on call because if there is a surgery that goes on, like somebody has to go in and I told my team, I was like, Hey, I've been doing this 18 years.

Michelle: I'm sorry I've earned, I've earned. To have, I've earned my weekends. So now that we have people that can take call and they can take care of the surgeons on the weekend, and I don't have to worry about about if they're gonna be able to cover a case or not. If they know if the, the knowledge. And so I, now, I'm out.

Michelle: I'm out. And so, and that's what I did. So I'm no longer taking call on the weekends, but I am like, I, I, you know. I am trying to better [00:40:00] myself and trying to do these things, and so, um, you know, for them, but I understand, like right now it has been hard and feeling sexy, bringing that has not been on my top priority and he knows it, and it's, and it's been a problem.

Tiesha: Yeah, that's gonna problem because what happens? What happens when you gain all of this but lose them? Is it even? I know. I know, I know. But you got it. You got it. You got it. I know you got it. And we are rooting for you. You are going to do it. You're gonna show up sexy for your husband unexpectedly. And he gonna be like.

Tiesha: Damn. There she goes. But wait, 

Jackie: Jill, do you have anything to say? I wanna actually comment on just that, but do you have anything to say right now? 

Jill: Okay. Yes. So first thing, Taisha touched on it, but I just [00:41:00] did, um, a corporate, corporate speaking give that was about like play and parenting with less burnout.

Jill: And one of the things that I talked about, and it was this idea of like the nine minute rule. I don't know if you've heard of that before, but it's this concept that if we can really connect, like really connect for nine minutes a day. And this I was talking about with kids, but the truth is it's with every relationship that it has a major, major impact.

Jill: Like much more than if we had hours where we're not fully present. So the idea with the nine minute rule is like. To me, you find nine minutes, however you find it. That could be nine minutes in one sitting. I like to do it three, three minutes. So technically with kids like you would try to do this around a transition.

Jill: So like the first three minutes, when they wake up in the morning, the first three minutes, when they come home from school or daycare, the. First three, you know, the last three minutes before they go to sleep at night would kind of be like the framework. But the truth is it's not about the when so much as like when you can [00:42:00] do it.

Jill: But the idea is like, I'm here with you. I'm giving you my full attention. I'm not doing other things while I'm with you. I'm not on my phone while I'm with you. And the truth is like we can all do it for three, three minute increments. Even the busiest of busy multiple jobs, like we can. Mm-hmm. All of us can, you can find three minutes and.

Jill: I feel like that's very empowering, like as, as a parent because it's like I, there are weeks stay, like I don't have, some days I have a lot of time to really be present and go on adventures and do, you know, experiences and things with my daughter. And then there are days I don't, especially as my business gets busier, it gets harder.

Jill: Um, so I can only imagine working multiple full-time jobs. But I think that like mm-hmm. I can give you that. I can give you those few minutes and even if I can't do nine in a day mm-hmm. I can walk away being like, I know I gave you my undivided attention for five, and that's halfway there. So like, I know your cup is.

Jill: Still more full than, so I feel [00:43:00] like just like keeping that in mind, it doesn't mean you have to go around with a stopwatch like, you know, but I feel like just that is really right. Like it's just, it's very liberating I think for us as parents. And there's tons of research that backstage, Michelle's like, I can relate.

Jill: Yes. You know, like, or you could, right? Like, or you could, and you set the timer on your watch and you're like, all right. Onto the next kid. 'cause when you're joking that many things, maybe you, yes. But I think like, you know, really being conscious of that. And then the other thing, I love the idea of like the picking the list, we actually have a jar.

Jill: Of experiences that my daughter and I put together. Some are at home, some are more like we go out on an adventure and we try to do the same thing. We do it, we used to do every week. Now it's gone a little hard. We do it more like every other week, but we'll pick something from the jar. But I think what's special about that too is you're empowering her.

Jill: Like it's what, what she wants to do with you, right? She wants, yes. So it's. Sometimes things as little as like, I love Tisha's idea with the dancing, like it's going along with what she's into. Sometimes it's like going for a quick [00:44:00] walk and they pick the root right. But it's like empowering them in it. It really is.

Jill: So I think like it's just about, I think that little, like extra bit of mindfulness. It's not necessarily about like being able to extend yourself further 'cause you just can't. Um, but I think like making more of little pockets. Is actually gonna have a greater impact. So that was my thought on that. Wait, I have a 

question.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Does that work with husbands? Yes, yes, yes. I was about to say go to bed. 10 minutes. Minutes. 

Jill: So you got nine with him. Is it the nine minutes with husband? Yes, it does. To bed 10 minutes early. That's right. That's right. You got nine minutes left. It does. It does. I think the idea, I think it's just even less.

Jill: About like the minutes, it's more about like actually being really present in the quality time that you have. And I feel like that we can all do, and that helps every relationship. Right. Um, Michelle, you're not 

Jackie: too convinced what's going on. No, I am, 

Michelle: I just, I'm trying to, I'm [00:45:00] looking at her eyes 

Jackie: and 

Jill: she's like, really?

Jill: Nine minutes? It's true. Nine 

Michelle: minutes. 

Jill: I, the other thing I was gonna say, Jackie, to your point about like the, like sexy and like being, I often feel like I'm like this, like life is not sexy. So it's like very hard for me. It really isn't, you know, like my life is not sexy. The constant juggling of the stuff, you know, when you're in, even like, it really doesn't matter which phase.

Jill: 'cause like, I'm out of like, you know, diaper phase, like right now with my, but like, like that not sexy, like it's waking up early, like all this. It's just for me, it's just not, so, it's like very hard for me to flip the switch to then get into that mode. I think that's where I really struggle is like, I think for, and maybe it's like men, but I feel like my husband, like my daughter could go down for bed and like if I said it was on, it could be on.

Jill: But for me, I'm [00:46:00] like, I just can't like flip a switch. Like I, I feel gross Uhuh, like, I feel like I'm tired, like I'm body tired by the end of the day. Yes, yes. So it's just like, I, I find that part of it really challenging. Yes. And I think that the things that make me feel sexiest, which are like, yes, like I do attach some of it to like how I physically feel.

Jill: So it is like how I'm dressing or like me doing my hair and taking the time and doing that. But I often feel like, like it feels hard for the two things to coexist. Like if my daughter is at my parents for a couple of days, I'm like, oh, I can like take the time to get myself together and we can have a date and it's much easier for me.

Jill: But in the day-to-day I find it really hard. So one of the things that I've been really trying to do as I sit here in a pizza sweatshirt, so I'm not doing it today, but um, I. Especially when I work stuff too. 'cause like I just feel more confident in myself when I like get dressed and do [00:47:00] my hair and like.

Jill: Put it together. So I've been trying to make more of an effort to still be in clothes that like function in my life. 'cause like I still am running after a 4-year-old and like on, you know, like filming stuff that requires me to be sitting on the floor and, you know, whatever. But that like makes me feel good and like that helps me a little bit with just feeling sexier and more confident in general.

Jill: But that's like a place that I find it really, really hard, like flipping the switch and like even nights, like my husband and I were really making a conscious effort to have like a date night every week, even if we didn't go out for the date, like a date night at home. Mm-hmm. And really sticking to it.

Jill: So even if it was like we had, we cooked dinner together, or we like did like played a board game or like whatever the thing was. And it, it was really great. But even the initial moments of like getting into it, 'cause it would be like the night we're doing it and I'm like, ugh. Like I'm tired tonight. Like I'm not like start [00:48:00] before.

Jill: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. It starts then throw, 

Michelle: then throw your 48-year-old body, 49-year-old body into that hormones and you know, things that are just, I mean. I, I can't, I don't have the energy that I did when I was 20 years old. One 

Tiesha: Michelle. Get you some supplements. Oh, you'll get there Taisha. Don't you worry.

Tiesha: Yes. That's what I'm saying, like some supplements for some like energy and stuff like that. I tried 

Jackie: all my dear I nobody told me, if somebody told me at 36, 37 that my whole entire hormonal, like everything was gonna change. Mm-hmm. I started ga. I'm a thin girl. Okay. Just by nature. I gained weight, like almost 10 pounds.

Jackie: Unheard of. I was like outta nowhere at 39. And I'm like, what is happening? So Anyw, who [00:49:00] that is another podcast episode, but and Michelle, you gotta go stand right, my dear. I do. I do. 

Michelle: Mm-hmm. Um, but yes, I, uh, I'll just say this as, as the last thing. Yes, we can do this and we can. All of that to say we can, it's not, yes.

Michelle: It's not impossible. It, it sucks sometimes. And it is, like Joel was saying, it's like I don't feel like it, I don't wanna do it, but you gotta do it. And so I'm gonna try to do it, so I will. And I always better when do it, 

Jill: you know what I mean? Yes, yes, yes. Like when you, like, if you just push past like that initial thing.

Jill: Yes. And I'm not trying to imply that people should be like. You know, if you're not feeling it, like, I'm not saying force yourself to feel, that's not what I'm trying to say. Right. But I do often feel like my initial resistance, like to the date night, let's say, of like, oh, it's tonight, but I'm so tired.

Jill: And then like, when I actually like do, I'm like, we're like five minutes in and I'm [00:50:00] like, alright, this is actually like, you know, you, you almost like it energizes you. Like once you actually it does. Get there. You're in it. Yeah. It's hard I think to like, you really have to kind of push yourself to do it and I think to Tisha's point, like to kind of feel like, you know, like you're doing it for you too.

Jill: Like I think that when you said that Jackie, about like the sex, like I feel like yes, of course. Like do I want my husband to look at me? Yeah, of course. But like it's for me. You know what I mean? I wanna feel good. Absolutely. Like, I wanna feel confident, and then I think that then informs mm-hmm. You know, how we then like are relating to each other.

Jill: But I feel like it doesn't really work to just like do it for like you. It has to come from within you. And I feel like when Tisha said that, that makes so much sense to me. Right. It's like, oh my gosh, what do I want? Yeah. What do I need? Like I'm still a person in this with all of these different roles.

Jill: It's like what makes me feel good, you know? 

Jackie: Yeah. You know? It's so true. You said you're [00:51:00] you saying that and it is gonna take a little bit of more willpower. Yeah. I wanted to tell Taisha, you know what, after Tisha was like, get your sexy back. Mm. Um, sometimes it's animosity that I have too, and I have to be real about that with me.

Jackie: Yes. Mm-hmm. I have to say it, I have, I'm spicy, you guys. That's just the way it is. And I have to say the way that I am, I am a spicy bi and when it comes to this, I have some, a list this big with my husband of gripes. Of just gripes and crazy. 'cause Michelle, she just left by the way. Um, and she said goodbye to everybody, but, um, she reminds me of my husband 

Jackie (2): and I'm her 

Jackie: husband.

Jackie: I'm the one saying, yeah. Yeah. So it's crazy and it's, and I am. You know, obviously I wouldn't do the guns blazing thing. Sorry if you're listening guy. But that was a little off, [00:52:00] like, not cool, but like, um, I definitely have done in other ways the guns blazing, not, not throwing him under the bus in front of the baby.

Jackie: He's still baby, but, and I would never do that. But another ways where he feels like absolute not cool. Like 

yeah, 

Jackie: did you just say that? And I do regret those, those moments. But it's like Taisha said. Or I think, was it you, Jill? Um, it's in the moment. It's not personal. Yeah. I just need to take, get it out. I just need to tell you look like you need more, you need to give me more time.

Jackie: I'm, I'm still your wife. Um, I, I still need more time, but, um, 

Jill: Ashley, I had a thought also as you were saying this sha that I don't wanna forget. 'cause I know we've talked a little bit in past episodes about like love languages. And I think that plays a role in this also, right? Like huge understanding and respecting that about your partner and you like, and I've shared this before on the podcast, and it was actually, I remember my husband was working from home, like passing through, hearing me share it.

Jill: We were like laughing about it. Not a [00:53:00] secret, but we have opposite love languages, my lowest two or his highest two. And when we first realized that, we were both kinda like, oh shit. Like that's like, so the way that he feels the most loved. Makes me feel like the least loved. Right? Yeah. And like vice versa.

Jill: And the things that like are the most important to each of us are the least important to the other one, which is like, it's such a trip because we have so much in common, but like that is mm-hmm. It's a big difference. So for me, where like for me it's like big, you know. Experiences and quality time and gift giving.

Jill: And you know, like words of affirmation, like these are like my top three, right? And for him, like his number one is acts of service and then physical touch. Mm-hmm. And those are my lowest ones. So it's just like, one of the things I think we also struggle with is like, I, for me, I need your time. I wanna be.

Jill: Like, have I wanna be dating you [00:54:00] and I? Yes. You know, like, like that really, I, I agree with you, Jill. Yeah. Yeah. Like that really matters to me. For him. He would like, feel really loved if we weren't doing that, but I just like remembered to take out the garbage. Right. I mean, I'm not, it's not exactly this, but you know what I'm saying?

Jill: It's just like a different, you know what I mean? It's just different. And like, like on my birthday, like I. For me, like made to being made to feel really special on my birthday with like these different, like, that really fills me. And for him, like he'd be fine if the day came and went. He doesn't really want you to make a thing out of it.

Jill: It's like I would be doing that for myself. That like actually doesn't make him feel loved, you know? So it's like, right, right. I think that so much of this too is just like really being aware and having those conversations with your partner and understanding like what each of you need, and then kind of figuring out how to show up for each other, especially if it doesn't come naturally.

Jill: Like I know that's been a big contributing [00:55:00] factor for us is just like. You know, I, I need that to feel good and like sexy and secure in the relationship. So even if that for you doesn't feel important, and to his credit, he really like, you know, makes an effort and, and pays attention to that. 

Jackie: I would say the same with my husband.

Jackie: He makes an effort and that's what keeps me going, my motor going and mm-hmm. I find that absolutely sexy. And that's what actually gets him laid, guys. So anyways, 

yes.

Good.

And on that note, on that note, we'll see 

Jackie: you guys next week with another episode and um, we'll talk to Ben. Bye. Bye guys.