Self-Worth Revolution: Tips for your Transformational Journey

Voices of Resilience: Empowering Women Beyond Gender Norms and Cultural Taboos with Karla

• Vivian Medrano • Season 1 • Episode 6

Share episode

Send us a text

As I sat across from Karla Castellanos, a wave of nostalgia and anticipation washed over me. My dear friend and accomplished author of "Latinas on the Rise" joined me for a heart-to-heart on the latest Self Worth Revolution podcast episode, where we peeled back the layers of self-worth and resilience. Our conversation twirled around our shared experiences, with Karla bringing an invigorating perspective on empowering her daughters and tackling the taboo topics in our culture. We didn't just reminisce on our high school days; we confronted the raw truths about gender roles, the cultural roots of machismo, and the silent strength that women often embody.

The narrative of divorced women is ripe for a shake-up, and that's precisely what we discussed. We opened up about our personal transformations and the journey to healing. It's about changing the script from scorned, single women to those who choose happiness and growth in solitude. Our laughter and candid stories were interwoven with empowering insights on how to support each other, challenge societal perceptions, and boldly embrace vulnerability. Moreover, we tapped into the cultural significance of songs, like "We Don't Talk About Bruno," using them as a metaphor to unpack generational trauma and the courage required to address it.

To all my warriors out there, this episode is a clarion call to own your voice. We spotlight the transformative power of writing and speaking up, sharing how these acts can pave the way for empowerment, especially within the tapestry of our rich cultural heritage. Karla's insights as a middle child growing up in a Latino family brought a unique angle to the discussion on familial roles and misunderstood dynamics. We wrapped up with a playful moment, inviting our listeners to subscribe, review, and follow for more content that uplifts and empowers — reminding you to embrace your inner strength and laugh along the way, even when our furry friends decide to chime in.

Guest Speaker: Karla Castellanos a mother to two beautiful intelligent young girls. The author to the book "Latinas on the Rise" now on Amazon. Karla made a powerful choice to choose herself and recognize her self-worth through her journey of transformation and healing. Her mission to writing this book is to bring awareness to all women, especially Lati

Some ways to support my podcast and its mission:

Buy Vivian a coffee https://www.buymeacoffee.com/vivianmedrano

Follow and subscribe to my podcast:
Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-self-worth-revolution-podcast/id1706384557
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/7hs2SVwnhjWu60aoA9fDii?si=a8918280b50d41fb

Rate & Review the Podcast

Share with Friends & Family

Follow me on IG https://www.instagram.com/vivmedrano/
TIKTOK: https://www.tiktok.com/@selfworthmentor?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc

Disclaimer:
The "The Self Worth Revolution" Podcast may, at times, cover sensitive topics including but not limited to suicide, abuse, violence, severe mental illnesses, sex, drugs, alcohol addiction, psychedelics and the use of plant medicines. You are advised to refrain from watching or listening to the Podcast if you are likely to be offended or adversely impacted by any of these topics. Neither The Company, The Host nor the guests shall at any time be liable for the content covered causing off...

Speaker 1:

That I'm on, let me see.

Speaker 2:

There you are. I'm loving you. Look at those collochos.

Speaker 1:

So good, thank you. Oh my gosh, isn't this amazing, how we like kind of came back together.

Speaker 2:

It was a higher purpose for this. We were supposed to come back together at this time. That's all you could say. Oh yeah, you start that change. You start changing your energy, you start changing what's acceptable and unacceptable, and everybody around you is going to have to change their ways cause they're not gonna be allowed in your space. Starts with you 100%.

Speaker 1:

So I wanted to talk about, like just kind of, what I've been through yes, please, and what has brought me to this point. Yes, so I and this is something that I haven't shared with many people, I haven't actually come out and said it, but I'm pretty sure people can tell I just recently went through a divorce and you know it's a divorce after 15 years of marriage and oftentimes, when women go through hardships, we find a place, kind of like you and I, where we go. Wait a second, this is not gonna be my story. I'm going to make my story and we, as women, take that time to heal. Majority of women I would say like 50% or a little bit more of women that go through a divorce don't find themselves in another relationship, and it's not because they're scorned, it's not because they don't want you know that I do a relationship it's because we as women stop and go. Okay, I don't want to do this again.

Speaker 2:

Welcome to the self worth revolution podcast hosted by Vivian Medrano. I am not only a podcaster, but a mother, a nurse, a life coach and a survivor. This podcast is about turning your pain into your power, your experiences into your lessons, and to start living a life full of abundance, inner peace and fulfillment. My higher purpose are for my listeners to find their self worth and their value by following their path to greatness. We are all deserving of living our best lives. It is time to stop identifying with our past. Start living in the present for a better future. This podcast will have guest speakers that will share their stories of how they transformed their lives and found their worth. My mission is to let my listeners know this is your time to shine, to know that you are not alone. Healing is empowering. It takes courage to be vulnerable and our voices have power. Hold on to your lives, because this will be an incredible ride of self transformation, self empowerment and radical change. It is time for us to take our power back.

Speaker 2:

Welcome to the South Worth Revolution podcast. This is Carla Castiano. So we are high school buddies, friends, strong Latinas who have overcome the impossible and made it completely possible, because in the word itself says I am possible. And so here we are, and I don't wanna hold back. And Carla introducing herself. I want you to introduce yourself. Let everybody know who you are, what's of value to you. Just go and.

Speaker 2:

I'm not gonna hold it back, just do it just feel free and do it. This is your time to shine. This is your time to say my voice matters, my story matters, I matter here. I am free, valuable, worthy go Totally, oh my gosh.

Speaker 1:

Well, first I wanna take a moment, hello everybody. I'm Carla Manroca-Stanos and, like Vivian said, we went to high school together a long time ago and actually.

Speaker 1:

I was in the grade younger, so it's like we've known each other for a long time, but it's amazing how we've come together. And you know what it's gonna continue throughout the podcast and I'm gonna talk a lot about that, about what we just kind of touched on. But first I wanna take this moment. Thank you so much for inviting me onto your podcast. Not only is it exciting for me to support women who, through their suffering, have come out thriving and are now giving on to others, right, but I just want you to know that it's admirable and I honor you for that.

Speaker 1:

So congrats to you, number one, on your podcast. I think it's gonna be successful, I think it's gonna be great and I'm really excited to be here. And secondly, before I get into it, I just wanna take this moment to simply thank all the women of the world. Right, that's why we're here, because our dedication and our strength is what has gotten our families through hardships, what have gotten our children to where they are, and, in many cases, it's what's gotten our spouses, our partners, to be what they were able to become. Right, it's because of the dedication and support of us women that we provide to our families, and that is something that I'm proud of, you guys should be proud of. I see you, I hear you, and man, thank you.

Speaker 2:

Thank you to the ladies Exactly.

Speaker 1:

Because we, regardless of all the hardships that have been thrown at us since the beginning of time, we have always kept going. We have always kept going. We've done it humbly, we've done it with love and with nurture in our hearts, and it shows in our children the hard work that we've provided for our family. So, thank you to all the women. You guys are amazing and, yeah, we see you and we feel you. So, anyway, I'm Karla Castananos and I am the author of Latinas on the Rise, which is now on Amazon, available to you, yay. And so I'm just gonna talk a little bit about the book and, like, what has gotten me to this point. I hope this book speaks to you wherever you are in your growing journey, and that's really what this is about. Right, we all have journeys that we're on. And just a little bit about me. I was born in the 80s, go 80s in a small town named Eagle Rock.

Speaker 1:

I was actually born in Burbank, but it's right between Eagle Rock, California. I am the middle child of three children. So for all you middle child, middle children out there, you know what I'm talking about right To be the middle child, to be the rebel of the family, to be the outspoken one, but also the rebel, you know that's me. So yeah, that's kind of a little bit about my family dynamic. My mother, my beautiful mother, is from Mexico City. She was born and raised and me papas de Guatemala, and so that makes me Chilanga and chapina.

Speaker 2:

Mm-hmm, and I am so proud, aquí lo estamos, puras chaspinas.

Speaker 1:

And, you know, throughout the podcast, I'm gonna be, you know, kind of throwing Spanish and English, because I want everybody to hear me. I want las mujeres, you know, in the back to hear what we are saying to them, which is I don't know.

Speaker 2:

I'll speak Spanish if you want, because here we are in the world. We speak Spanish, English, and let's see if we can speak Japanese or French. We can speak English, but there we are, yes.

Speaker 1:

So I am a mother of two outspoken, creative little girls nine and six that have given me a different perspective in life. It is something that, once I became a mom of two little girls, I had a different mission. I was like I need to make sure that these little girls are ready for the world that we live in today. And, let's be honest, the world that we live in today is very rough. It's very rough, it's dangerous, it's violent.

Speaker 2:

I mean, you know, we know the good parts of it.

Speaker 1:

But one thing that I want you to know about me is that this book came forth with a desire to talk about the hard stuff Exactly that is taboo in our culture, that is taboo in our homes, that is taboo in our society, and so I am not afraid to say things in a realistic manner. And the truth is, this can be a very dangerous world for little girls, right, and so it is my mission to not only teach my daughters how to listen to their own intuition, but to teach them their value from the get go. For many of us, we're learning our value in our older years, right, and there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with that. I am proud to be where I am right now, and, yeah, you know, we grew up in different times. We are well. My parents are American now, so I'm technically second generation American, but I was first generation American, and so through that I mean we are Latinas, right, like we've got the culture Latinas del corazón.

Speaker 2:

Por vida, yes, por vida.

Speaker 1:

But also we have, you know, a lot of. We're kind of in that generation where we have taken on the beauty of the Hispanic culture, which is the loyalty, the dedication as a woman, the mothering, the nurturing part as women. We have taken that from our culture and then you know what. That's beautiful. That's beautiful and just you know, throughout this podcast, when I talk about the book and I talk about our culture and some of the things that we should change to make things better, I'm not bashing our culture.

Speaker 1:

I am saying this is great. You know, our parents did not have access to the things that we have access to. Our parents also grew up in a very traditional way, where they're learning the new ways through us. There are others. I love it.

Speaker 2:

Like my mom. I teach my mom so much now. Like I tell my mom mom, if you feel something, don't hold it in Like, say it. Mom. Like you have a right to speak up. For all these years, when you have felt something, you have felt that you have to hide away and you have to say I'm sorry, oh, I'm sorry for feeling that way, oh, I'm sorry. I said that I'm like no, I can't say it. Mom, like you have a right to speak up and people have a right to listen to you. Now, if they don't want to listen to you, okay, fine, go away, whatever it is, but you're not taking my mom's space away from her. This is her time and she for so long was told you don't need to speak up, you need to listen to what I say. I'm the hierarchy in this house Forbid that you have a voice and how dare you talk back to me?

Speaker 1:

You know, yeah, roseanne, she stayed quiet.

Speaker 2:

So, growing up, even till this age, my mom thought that she had to be quiet and I said no, mom, we're your children, we are our people, you are your person. If something that we do bothers you, you need to tell us, you need to speak up. This is your time, you know. So I love it because, before God forbid, we were to say something right and my mom was like Right.

Speaker 2:

We'd right-voke up, like she would tell me that all the time she's like. Vivian, I don't think you should say that I was like. Why she's like? Because I said because, why? Because of how the other person's gonna feel. I said I don't know them Really. I said, mom, your feelings matter. If something bothers, you say it. So now she says it.

Speaker 1:

Oh my gosh, well, good, good for us man, and good for our moms, because you know that's true, like they grew up in a time where there's, you know, kids don't have a voice. Right To be respectful is to listen, to say thank you, and if it's somebody older, if it's a family member, peor, no, this is nada. Know what I mean? And so, yeah, this book it is inspirational, it's colorful, it's got some great messages. I think, overall, the message here is let's not be afraid anymore, exactly, to speak up. Let's not be afraid anymore To say no, that's not okay. Let's not be afraid anymore to listen to our intuition. Can you imagine a world where little girls walk around so confidently that nothing can hurt them, a world where a little girl can be in a situation and she can say to herself no, this isn't right, it doesn't feel right, I'm out. It can save her life.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, this is my purpose, and not only that. Like you also in your book, which I feel it's also important to mention, you mentioned gender roles, and I think it's so important to also focus on how our boys are being raised, because I am a mother of a son and a daughter. I have to see the value between both of them. I can't just focus on my daughter, because my son could bring so much value to this table as well, and so I think a lot of times yes, we focus on our daughters because we want them to be empowered, we want them to have a voice, we want them to be heard. Right, because so long we were told you need to stay quiet, you need to do as you are told to do, but for so long our boys also have been told you cannot feel, you cannot say your feelings, you cannot cry.

Speaker 2:

This is the way a man's world's supposed to be. You tell a woman what to do If she doesn't do what you're supposed to do when you put her in her place. If you cry, you are weak, you're not strong. Men. Do not cry Feelings. What are feelings? Feelings don't exist. Your emotions, your emotions don't matter. This is what matters, and for so long, men have not been able to accept love, because they have been shown what it is not like not to feel love, not to be cuddled, not to be held, not to be able to cry. So then they grow up and they feel the same way, and they grow up not being able to know what it is to receive the beauty of a love.

Speaker 2:

So I feel that both women need to speak up and be their voice, and boys, they need to be able to be in their space, know that it's okay to cry, to feel their emotions and be healthy about it, and then create a world where we all connect and there's so much love, so much kindness, so much understanding and the freedom to be who we're meant to be.

Speaker 1:

Totally, and I'm so glad that you mentioned that, vivian, and the reason why I first said thank you to women for everything that they have done is because of that. And so I wanna say something that's gonna be maybe hard to hear for some people, but the reality is, I think we, as women, have done our part in raising healthy boys. We don't hold back the nurturing, we don't hold back the tears, we don't hold back the hugs and the love to our little boys. We want them to cry, we encourage them to cry. So where is this coming from? Where is this machismo attitude coming from? The reality is, a lot of times it's coming from their fathers. Yeah, it is. And so, yes, I'm here to say, women, we gotta speak up and we have a voice, but I'm also here to say, men, I need you guys to step it up.

Speaker 2:

You do. We need you to step it up 100%, stop making excuses. 100% Stop making excuses 100%, and that's the thing. It's like you keep making excuses after excuses after excuses on why you are the way you are, and that needs to stop. Yes, we all have grown up in shit. We all have some form of trauma. Okay, I get it.

Speaker 2:

It's time to stop that victimhood and start saying change needs to start with me. What are you willing to change? What are you willing to take accountability for? What are you willing to sacrifice? Those are the questions you need to ask yourself, and, because change is not easy, you know, but through change you're gonna become a better person you need to stop living in that past life of this is what I was taught. This is what I was raised. Start being new. What do you want to be? What do you want to feel? How do you want others to treat you? How do you want to treat others? Does it feel good to you when others cry in front of you because of what you said? Or is it time for you to take accountability for that and stop blaming what you grew up with?

Speaker 1:

Because now, it's your change. Yeah, and here's the thing, ladies and this goes to all the ladies we're not giving you more work. We're not saying, ladies, we need to do more here. No, no, no, no, no. What I'm saying is, if we start teaching our daughters to have a backbone, if we start teaching our daughters to have boundaries and to stick to them, then the boys will follow, exactly Because we will stop them in their tracks at an earlier age and they're gonna go oh shit, I can't get away with that anymore, right?

Speaker 1:

So I'm not putting more on women's plate, because I believe we've done our job, and we've done it since the beginning of time and we've done a fucking amazing job. So, like I said, kudos to women. We definitely need to put a little bit more pressure on men to step up in that arena and start teaching boys to, yes, to be in touch with their feelings and to be okay with that and to be respectful and all of these things. And so, yeah, kudos to you. As a mom, I know it's. What's great is that you have a boy and a girl, so you have that balance of like that's great, it's not easy the balance of like oh, I know, motherhood ain't easy.

Speaker 1:

whether it's a boy or a girl, I know I can imagine.

Speaker 2:

But there's this one thing that I want women out there to know young teenagers who are listening any women out there that's listening we teach them how to treat us, the more we forgive, they're going to think that it's okay and we don't care, so then it's not gonna be created. So it starts with us letting them know what is acceptable and not acceptable. We have a right to set boundaries. Boundaries are not for them, boundaries are for us. So if we start showing people, men, women, anybody in this world how it is to treat us, everybody's going to start treating each other with respect, loyalty, integrity, valuing our dignity. It all comes from us, one person just asking me how do we create that change?

Speaker 2:

Starts with you. Oh yeah, you start that change. You start changing your energy, you start changing what's acceptable and unacceptable, and everybody around you is going to have to change their ways because they're not gonna be allowed in your space. Starts with you 100%.

Speaker 1:

So I wanted to talk about just kind of what I've been through and what has brought me to this point. Yes, so I and this is something that I haven't shared with many people, I haven't actually come out and said it, but I'm pretty sure people can tell I just recently went through a divorce, and it's a divorce after 15 years of marriage and oftentimes, when women go through hardships, we find a place, kind of like you and I, where we go. Wait a second, this is not gonna be my story. I'm going to make my story and we, as women, take that time to heal.

Speaker 1:

Majority of women I would say like 50% or a little bit more of women that go through a divorce don't find themselves in another relationship, and it's not because they're scorned, it's not because they don't want, you know, that ideal relationship. It's because we, as women, stop and go. Okay, I don't wanna do this again. I don't wanna do this again to my children. I'm going to heal, I'm gonna walk through my pain, I'm gonna cry through my pain and I'm gonna keep going like a woman does, and that's beautiful, and so that's what's brought me here is that you know, don't get me wrong there's days still that I cry. Of course, there's mornings when I wake up and I'm angry, you know as I should be right, and that's another thing I wanna tell.

Speaker 1:

Women like you know, when we go through divorces that are unexpected after such a long time, and the divorce is hostile, it doesn't end well, whatever the reason is right. We have that opportunity to either say I'm going to cave into my hole or we have that opportunity to say I'm going to change the trajectory of my life and make it better for me and my children. And we do that, man, we do that. And so I want to change the narrative of divorced women from being scorned, single women to being happy and powered women who choose to be single Exactly.

Speaker 2:

Detroit.

Speaker 1:

And that is the truth. You know, when a woman chooses to be single, a lot of times society sees it as a whole like, as I mentioned, she's just angry. You know, she's just scorned. No, blah, blah, blah. And that's not the truth at all. I couldn't be farthest from the truth, and so I say this because I think we, as women, need to start speaking up for each other more. We need to start saying when we hear someone talking about oh, she's just scorned, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. She looks happy to me, oh yeah.

Speaker 2:

You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, we need to start to, as women, take ourselves out of that narrative and take women out of that narrative with us right and I think that's what we're doing is we're going come out, come out here to this, get out of that little circle. Get out of that little social circle of this rhetoric, you know, of this repetitive rhetoric of women. You know and stand over here with me where we are standing in our vulnerability, proudly and happily yeah.

Speaker 2:

And we're healing. Yeah, it's this radical change that we're creating for ourselves. Like you said, we could sit in that space of darkness and just become these victims and like, just be like why, why, why, why me, why me, why did this happen to me, you know? Or we could change our mentality and say why did this happen to me? What did I go through? What am I going through? What am I so ashamed of? What am I hiding from? You know, you need to ask the bigger questions and that's where the toughness comes. You need to say I'm okay being uncomfortable right now. I'm okay feeling angry, feeling sad, feeling depressed, not understanding what I'm going through, when my body is going through and you're going to need to sit in that space alone and it's going to be hard and you're going to be able to sit there.

Speaker 2:

And the reason I say alone is because a lot of times we as people, when we're going through something hard, instead of facing it, we try to put a mask over it and we start to pretend that it doesn't exist. And so then we go to the next person, and the next person, and the next person. And guess what? You're just going to keep hopping to the next and the next, and the next. When does that get tiring? When are you done with that? When do you just want to be in your space and solidarity and say I've had enough? And until you do that, you're going to keep attracting the same people, because that doesn't go away, that darkness that you're trying to hide from. I'm sorry to tell you. I'm going to burst your bubble right now and go in anywhere until you fix it, until you make that conscious decision to say, hey, I'm done with this.

Speaker 2:

I'm done with feeling. It's the most miserable thing to feel alone with somebody. To feel alone and actually be alone because you're by yourself. Because then, once you start valuing yourself, once you start living in that space and you start being comfortable just being alone, guess what Then? What anybody else does for you, it's not going to matter, because you're so comfortable in your space that nobody could squash that, nobody could dim that light, because your light is now for you to protect. So do you want to do that for years? Or would you like to deal with that space of darkness for a while and then know that there's so much fulfillment, abundance, greatness out of that? If you just become so much better than you start noticing the universe, taking away people that are not meant for you, away, just naturally. You don't have to say anything, it's just you start seeing people going away and great things start happening to you without you not even asking. It's just you start attracting. That. That's the beauty of healing people.

Speaker 1:

That is the landing bit, and that's what Carla and I are telling you. You're deserving.

Speaker 2:

You're worthy. Our shit was hard. Okay, I'm not telling you, it was easy.

Speaker 1:

And it's hard.

Speaker 2:

It's so hard. We have triggers, I'm not going through it. You have triggers, I have triggers. Right, we all have triggers. But what is the beauty now that when you go through your trigger, carla, what do you do now when you go through that trigger?

Speaker 1:

When I go through a trigger, when something triggers me, I grab it and I literally, like I deal with it Exactly I cry, I get angry, I sit in my vulnerability and I just let and I just do it. I just go through it. And so you know. Talking about Latinas on the rise, this is such a great topic because oftentimes we are not taught how to be vulnerable. We're not taught how to deal with our own vulnerability. You know, in a lot of Hispanic families there's things you don't talk about. It's like the movie we're Bruno. We don't talk about Bruno.

Speaker 2:

Talk to me about that movie, because I don't know. So Lin-Manuel.

Speaker 1:

Miranda, who is the producer. He did the songs. This song was specifically made in relation to generational traumas and so it takes place in Colombia. And the song is like we don't talk about Bruno, no, no, no. And this is one family member who's kind of like the outsider. Right, everyone sees him as like the outsider we don't talk about. Oh my God, he's weird, you know. And overall, at the end of the day, bruno knew the truth and they just didn't want to know the truth.

Speaker 2:

They didn't want to hear the truth. Oh my God, that is so. That's a great analogy, because for so long we don't want to know the truth. Because if we knew the truth, then it's like oh my God. Then you start having to live with everything that you have suppressed for all those years. Right, Like, why do you want to know that you were abused as a child? Your mind hit it, right. Why do you want to know that you grew up in domestic violence? Your mind hit it, right. That's when your ego is there to protect you.

Speaker 2:

But now your ego has to go away. The ego doesn't need to protect you anymore. Your ego is there to tell you when something's unsafe now and you live through it, and then the ego goes away. As a child, the ego stays there to protect you. And then in time, slowly and slowly, your mind has a way of just having this amnesia where it blocks all these memories. Right? But now, as you get older, you start recognizing that there's things that are familiar, that are very uncomfortable with you, and then that's a way of you. Now your brain is starting to tell you hey, there's something out there that you need to work on. You need to stop hiding behind your mask that you're okay. You need to start telling yourself you're not okay and it's okay to not be okay, and how are we going to work through this?

Speaker 2:

And that's when your power starts coming in.

Speaker 1:

Oh, totally. You know, there's something when you accept that, look, I'm flawed man, I am not perfect. I am an empath. I have been a people pleaser. I, through this last relationship, because of the environment, I became what they call reactive and that obviously was a method for me to cope for certain things. And so do I like saying that, do I like saying, oh, my God, yeah, sometimes I'm like reactive, I'm quick to like respond no, I don't like that, but you know what I'm working on it and I think that you know.

Speaker 1:

Hopefully, what I'm hoping with this book is that it not only speaks to women, but I really want to reach young ladies. I want to reach the daughters of these women like me and you, who have recognized that we are so fucking proud to be Latinas and we're so proud that we want to make all Latinas rise. We are so proud that we want to help other Latinas rise up, be more successful, feel happier yes have better relationships with their spouses, with their children, live a more free life for themselves. That's what I'm hoping for this book.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's not going to settle.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, not settle. But also you know it is going to. When you decide to open up in your family and you talk about those taboo things, you're going to have family members that are going to get mad at you, that are not going to understand where you're coming from. You're going to have friends that are also going to be like, okay, she's a little. You know they're not going to like it, but it's because, again, it's easier to go everything's fine, everything's fine than it is to hurt and dig deep. But I'm telling you, man, the reward in digging deep is immeasurable. It is.

Speaker 2:

I want to read one of your things, since you were talking about the flaws. That kind of stood up to me in your book. Learn to love your flaws, or the flaws you were born and labeled with. You will grow to see that they are your strength and that's where it comes down to. When I read that I was like, haha.

Speaker 2:

You know, a lot of times we see our scars as something negative and we avoid them, right, and so we just hide behind these scars of shame, of fear, of self-doubt, of embarrassment. Who would value me? You know God, if they knew only what I went through. They're going to see me as a broken mess. You know, I'm not going to bring value, I'm not going to be worthy, I'm not good enough. That's always the same thing. I'm not good enough. If I didn't, if I went through this, that means I'm not good enough. No, and here to tell you, you're good enough, just as you are through your scars, through your pain, through everything that you went through. If you didn't go through that, you wouldn't be. You See, the strongest people in this world, the bravest, more courageous women, men, that have gone through this part of their life and go and say I'm going to use all that, but wait, I'm not going to live in it, I'm actually going to use it and I'm going to tell you thank you. Thank you for showing me my value, thank you for showing me my worth. Now, how can I use you to benefit me? And that's what I've done with my scars. I don't see them as something negative anymore. I actually see them very empowering because I tell myself, not everybody could overcome what I've overcome. And I'm here now with my voice being spoken.

Speaker 2:

Who would have thought I would have been a podcaster, being so vulnerable and outspoken and raw and letting people know I'm not perfect. I went through shit. I was hiding behind a smile and behind all these things that I glamorized and IG and stuff like that, that I was okay. No, I'm coming now real. I cry, I hurt, I was abused, I was traumatized. I saw things I shouldn't have seen. But you know what? I do not live in that space anymore. That space does not control me anymore. And now you, a writer, letting people know through this amazing book, latinas Under Rise, that we're able to grow out of what we believed we could not do for so long. I value my family, I love my family, but my mom could not speak up. My mom taught me we could not speak up. Well, guess what Change starts with us?

Speaker 2:

because my voice matters, she matters. And if something is uncomfortable for her, guess what I'm going to tell her? You say it loud and clear. Do not hold back on what you feel. And this is me telling her because I am making that change and I'm not changing my cultural means by any means. People love Latinas. They call us feisty, right, they call us fiery, but you want to know why? It's because we're so compassionate and we're so passionate about what we truly believe, because for so long we were always put in the back and it's time for us to come forward Totally.

Speaker 1:

And here's the thing we're going to change that. You know what? Yes, we're feisty, yes, we're loud, yes, we're Latinas, but we're going to change that. Okay, it's not feisty, we are outspoken, we are, we want to be heard, right, and that's great. Going back to what you were talking about, what I wrote in the book, so yeah, you know family roles, right, I was born as the middle child and I'm going to speak as the middle child because any middle child can relate.

Speaker 2:

I was.

Speaker 1:

I was the rotten apple, I was the bad seed, I was the rebel of the family, the one that all we spoke up and I was looked at as that right, and so all my childhood people would call me the bad seed. Oh, you're the rotten apple, oh, you're the black sheep and I, oh, and that always weighed heavy on me. It always, it was always like a little cloud, like, oh, I'm the middle child, I'm the problem, blah, blah, blah. And it took me a very long time to go In a second. Being a rebel is amazing. You know why we're the ones that are going to scream at the top of the mountain and say, oh, hell, no, we don't play that game. And I will stand on the mountain and speak for everybody because I am the rebel.

Speaker 1:

And that's good. It's not a flaw, it's a strength. Yes, right. What's another? Another? Another one that I read. I'm like I haven't read my book. Let me check it out.

Speaker 1:

Being a people pleaser right, yes, it's like you learn. You know, I think we both kind of grew up in a similar kind of way with our mothers. You learn to be a people pleaser, and here's the deal being too much of a people pleaser can be harmful to you, but being a people pleaser isn't necessarily a bad thing. It means that you're in tune with other people. It means that you're giving. It means that you you not only take, but you also give right. So I guess what I'm trying to say is we have got to do better for ourselves and stop talking about our flaws as a negative thing. We need to switch our flaws and go. Yes, I'm a rebel, and you know what? We need more rebels in this world. We need more girls that are going to stand up and go. No, not today, not today, sir. And so, yeah, turning your flaws into the strength that you have is going to help you get through lots of those like hurdles, that are those little dark clouds that you kind of that kind of lingers sometimes. You know no.

Speaker 2:

And the reason why we all have flaws. Can you imagine walking around like you're this perfect person? What in the world are you going to learn in life? I don't know. To me, your life would be just so boring because it's like everything's given to you. You work for nothing, you don't know the value of things, but when you actually have flaws quote unquote imperfections quote unquote you learn. You learn through them and you become this fabulous person. You have so much wisdom, so much value, so much knowledge. Why? Because you live through it.

Speaker 1:

Yes, because you turned your flaws into strength.

Speaker 2:

Yes, because we're not perfect. And then I'm going to talk from. I'm going to talk from, like, not the middle child, I am the older child. We got to be perfect. We're the role model, we're the ones that are motherly, have to take care of the children. God forbid we do any mistakes, because if we make mistakes, we just ruined our sisters and our brothers, right? But wait, I have to be the one to take care of the household. I can't go outside and play, because everything in the household has to be nice and neat, you know, while everybody else gets to enjoy life. Oh, my brother and my sister, they're not going to get in trouble. I'm going to take the run for it because I don't want them to get in trouble. I would rather get in trouble, because that's what older siblings do. We take care of everybody.

Speaker 2:

But then you want to know something I forgot to take care of myself. Nobody took care of me, nobody protected me. Who was there for me? I was so used to, so long protecting my brother and my sister. One day my therapist told me If you protected yourself as much as you protect your children, your family, your loved ones, you wouldn't let anybody hurt you. I never thought of it that way, because nobody told me that way, because for so long I grew up thinking I needed to protect everybody else, and now it's like I think we all bring some sense of value of how we fall in the Latino family right Totally.

Speaker 2:

You know, we all have our stories, we all have our strengths and I could tell you that my sister relates to you 100%, the way that I hear you saying things. My sister was you oh no, okay, stop you hung up. I know my sister was a rubble. My sister was the one who always say no, I ain't doing that shit. Why did I do that? My sister always be like no, I'm not doing that. My mom would be like why are you walking out of the house dressed in that dress? Because I want to and I can. I would be like who have?

Speaker 1:

I spoken to my mom yes. Oh, my God, that's so funny, I have to tell you, vivian like that perspective. So not only has this book opened up lots of doors for me, but hearing your story as the older sibling, my sister was the same way and I wrote about it in the book because I want us, as Latinos and Latino siblings, to put aside the competition. Yes, yes.

Speaker 2:

Because that's also in Hispanic families, right? Yes, there's a lot of competition.

Speaker 1:

It's like I don't know where that necessarily comes from. I don't know that maybe that's another book, but my point is Latino children our family. Like if we were to hear each other, we would be able to relate to each other as siblings so much more. When my sister told me her perspective as the older sibling, I felt so bad. I didn't know that it was that hard for her. I had no idea what her role was like, but she also had a role and my brother has a role.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and now that it's out in the open, we kind of see each other differently. We can talk to each other about it and we can grow. And so my point here is as Latinos, we don't speak. We don't speak up, we're afraid to talk about things, we're embarrassed to say things, we don't ask for things, we're very humble. It which is beautiful, yes, but it is time. It is time to speak up. It is time for us to Kick it up a notch and get get ourselves out there. Get ourselves up there. We deserve it. Right, let's talk. Let's talk about everything. Have you ever heard?

Speaker 2:

this because we're so humble that we're also sometimes seen as uneducated.

Speaker 1:

Yes, isn't that so sad?

Speaker 2:

That's the way society views us because I I've heard that so much. Oh, they're so humble, oh, they're so kind or they're so like. You know, I can't even come up with the word right now, but that's the way they see it Loyal, like honest. Yes, Like just like umilde and it's funny, but I cannot come up with the word in English when it doesn't.

Speaker 1:

Humble.

Speaker 2:

Humble, but it's a different meaning behind when they say it in in Spanish and English. You just didn't translate the power of it. It doesn't translate the same way, right? Basically, we've grown up in an environment where we're not materialistic.

Speaker 1:

And uh and yeah.

Speaker 2:

So we, our, our parents give us what they can, but we don't have, like you know, money's worth of things. You know, sometimes what we eat in the refrigerator, it's whatever my mom has. It's not like we're here asking, oh, can I have this, can I have that? So we grew up in an environment when the semis mean this. We just were. We have appreciation for the little things that we have and we honor our families for seeing how hard they work for what they're able to give us. Right. So what? I've noticed a lot when people say, ah, he's so humble, they're so humble, but then they equate that with not being educated and that aggravates me so much, or not, or not wanting more.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, like, oh, they're going to settle, because they're so humble, they're just going to settle.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, they go like this, oh they you know mm-hmm, mm-hmm, and I always tell my so, as me, as a nurse, when I have my patients and they're like mm-hmm, uh, okay, yes, okay, yes, I'm like this needs to stop. Right now, I tell them I'm like you are a person, this is your body. I want you to understand what we're doing to you. This whole yes, huh, no, no, no, no, no. You need to say what's bothering you, what's hurting you. You know we are here to take care of you. Do not feel that you cannot speak up or you're being disrespectful because we're doctors or nurses, that you matter less than we matter.

Speaker 2:

Sure, because you matter, and this is when we have to speak up for our communities and let them know that you need to know what's going on with yourself, because we grew up Like I said huh, yes, okay, you know, that's all we said, because if we question authority, then we're being disrespectful. God, we're bad. We question authority, we question everybody.

Speaker 1:

I know right, so you're elder, Exactly so people you know, we're humble, we're not educated.

Speaker 2:

Yes, totally.

Speaker 1:

We're kind to people, we're polite, we're respectful and and I'm I'm tired of society taking that as a weakness.

Speaker 2:

That's what it is Is.

Speaker 1:

they take it as a weakness because look at the society we live in, right, the more power you have, the more people look up to you. The more money you have, the more people follow you, the more people flock to you. Well, we're not like that. No, we're. So I'm so fucking glad we, we know it. Let's sit in our humbleness, but that doesn't mean we don't deserve the best.

Speaker 2:

Exactly.

Speaker 1:

That doesn't mean we can't be rich. No, that doesn't mean we can't make good money. It just means that we're humble people and we're going to be appreciative and we're not going to be greedy bastard.

Speaker 2:

That's a thing, I think it's greed, I think it just comes down to greed, and I think in this society it's so hard to see people who are kind, who are loyal, who are respectful, as strong you know, and they see us. Like you just said, humble equals weak. They don't speak up equals weak. No, it has nothing to do with that. We're not weak. We're actually one of the strongest people because we have conquered so much in life, more than what people could imagine that we've gone through, and this whole thing where we're a project of our environment, needs to go to shudder because we're not a project of our environment. We could choose to get out of that environment if we made that choice.

Speaker 2:

Property does not define your future. I'm telling you that right now. I grew up poor. I grew up eating beans and rice sometimes, and sometimes Christmas is coming along the way and I was just grateful that my mom was home. So people we Latinos love, we're compassionate, we're strong, we're not feisty, we're strong and we're outspoken, and it's about time that this happens. So we are colorful.

Speaker 1:

That's the way I see it.

Speaker 1:

And if you're colorful, I love her book because it's so colorful, oh my God, yes, oh, my God, well, okay, so I want to, I want to kind of leave us with this right yes, thank you. Let me put it that my purpose is not only to inspire women, but to remind us that what we feel is valid, what we want is possible and that we are good enough. There's a book that I want to mention because a lot of times we're like and this is a society we live in perfection, perfection, this word perfect, perfect doesn't exist, like there's no such thing as perfect. You are not perfect, I'm not perfect, I don't want to be perfect, and you should not want to be perfect because it's not real. You are good enough.

Speaker 1:

This book is called and it's called Complex PTSD by Pete Walker, and he talks about how we need to start saying to ourselves we are good enough and stop using the word perfect, because it's just hurting us and that's going to help us go from surviving to thriving, and that's what I want us to do. I think if we, as women, really start coming together, we start sticking with each other, following each other, listening to each other, lifting each other up, there's nowhere else to go, but Exactly.

Speaker 2:

I love that.

Speaker 1:

And so.

Speaker 2:

I want to leave out with something with you, so people could hear you. You have an amazing book. It illustrates the power that you have gained through this journey of yours and I want you to leave the listeners, which is something valuable that you could also bring from your life journey and everything. What is the most empowering thing that you have gained for yourself? Something that you chose yourself and you haven't chose yourself in so long, so many years, and you finally did. What was your empowering, that you gained? What is your empowerment?

Speaker 1:

My empowerment is my voice, the voice that, growing up, didn't I didn't think mattered, I didn't think was strong enough, in fact, because I was so flawed, you know. And then, in my older years, the voice that I kept quiet for the sake of, I guess, staying where I was, you know, for the sake of not seeing the truth right. And so for me, the biggest thing is my voice. I will no longer keep secrets for people, I will no longer stand back and watch injustice. I will no longer hold back from telling women that they're beautiful, that they're doing great, from empowering women no longer. And that's what I'm so proud of and I'm hoping that it comes across in my writing, in my book, and I just hope that it speaks and helps other young ladies follow that path of good relationships and healthy boundaries and self-awareness at a young age Beautiful.

Speaker 2:

I want to leave with a quote from your book, since you were talking about your voice. It is time to break this belief and recognize our voice and know that our voice, our opinions, our emotions and feelings, our thoughts do matter. It is important to find our voice, and you found your voice. I sure did, and so did you. I sure did, and I'm still still letting that voice out. Every day is stronger and stronger and stronger.

Speaker 1:

And you know what? I think that we are going to help other women find their voice without fear, without guilt, porque, lasinas, the guilt that we feel and everything that we do, it's immense. But, yeah, I think that we can help a lot of women do that and I'm so proud of you. I know that might sound weird, but I really am. When I see a woman that, like I said, has gone through really hard times and has come out and been like you know what? No, I'm changing this for myself. I'm going to be great, I'm going to speak up, I'm going to make a difference, and it starts with me. I love that shit. I think that's phenomenal, and so kudos to you and kudos to every other woman out there that is speaking, writing, podcasting, whatever it is that you're doing keep doing it and I'm proud of you.

Speaker 2:

You created this book. You know, one thing is to speak of something right, and we record ourselves and people listen to our stories right. Also, written words means a lot because you're able to take that time to write down your true emotions, your true feelings and become vulnerable with the world. And that is the hardest thing to do, and I know people see vulnerability of weakness, but it's just these two stories that you hear from myself and Carla. Vulnerability is courage. It takes courage to be vulnerable.

Speaker 2:

You cannot be, vulnerable unless you're courageous. So when somebody ever tells you again you're too sensitive, you're too emotional, you're extremely vulnerable, tell them thank you. That's my strength, Totally Honestly. That's my strength, and give them a big thank you because it is and there is nothing for you to look down upon. And I remember we used to. I used to, and I do not know more. You call me sensitive. I say thank you because I am. I'm an empath and I love it and I love that I could feel people's energies and I am in tuned with it. Now I do not ignore it and so, yeah, we will make more episodes together, especially after you said that word guilt. It's something that's even more powerful.

Speaker 1:

Guilt and shame.

Speaker 2:

We have to do an episode on that, because it's not something that it's just clear and stone. It's a lot more to talk about. But please, carla, let everybody know where they could find your book.

Speaker 1:

Yes, all right. So Latinas on the rise is now available on Amazon. You can order directly on there. Yeah, if you have prime, you'll get it in a day, but definitely I would say this is a great gift for anyone that you know that just the little inspiration you know and needs to relate to something, it's a great book. So thank you guys so much. I'm going to leave you guys with this in the mornings when you wake up, ladies, I want you to just say these words I am good enough every day when you wake up. That's it, I'm good enough. You don't even have to be like I am so good, I'm good enough and get in your car and go to work. Remind yourself that every single day, because you are good enough. We see you, we hear you, we love you and keep shining.

Speaker 2:

Thank you for taking your time and connecting with me on this beautiful journey of life. Please subscribe and review, and don't forget to follow so you don't miss out on any of these amazing and empowering episodes. Always remember you matter. If nobody has told you today, I am here to tell you that you are enough, you are worthy and you are deserving of the best. Every day that you wake up, I want you to take one moment and just look at yourself in the mirror and know that the person staring back at you is so proud of you and loves you beyond your measures. You are a true warrior. Humor and laughter are definitely needed in a time of healing, so I thought it would be fun and creative to end this episode with no other than with a blooper from two women who are dog owners and their dogs decided to act like rascals. Here you go, enjoy and have fun.

Speaker 1:

Oh my God, vivian, do you hear my dog? He's going bananas. I'm like I need to put him in the room really quick. Let me just put him in the room. He's like I need to go to the bathroom. I'm so sorry. God he is going to stop.

Speaker 2:

I got him and I'm going to get him out. Ask him, look at what he said no worries, we're all here, right? We're all like we're one person, Hi. I think he's out there going to the potty or whatever he's doing.

Speaker 2:

He was like no, my dog is soundly sleeping in the background, because I always make sure to put like a little stage on her. I have like this little routine where I go and talk to my dog and I'm like, okay, shy, it's just, mommy time you go and sleep in the corner. And she's legit sleeping back here in the corner.

Speaker 1:

Oh my gosh.

Speaker 2:

Well, I think she's starting to recognize when I put the headphones on, that means I sleep. Mommy talks.

Speaker 1:

I love it. Well, this little boy. I had a conversation with him, but he's obviously not listening. Not listening, oh yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

What are we supposed to do? I know he's outside now, so he's fine.