Self-Worth Revolution: Tips for your Transformational Journey

Embracing the Journey to Self-Worth and Healing Within- Jessie Alianiello

• Vivian Medrano • Season 1 • Episode 7

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Embark on a transformative journey with me, Vivian Medrano, as I sit down with soul purpose coach Jessie Alianiello to discuss the rocky road to reclaiming self-worth. Through her own tale of heartache, toxic relationships, and eventual awakening, Jessie illuminates the path to healing and empowerment. Her candid sharing of the masks we wear and the strength found in solitude offers solace to those who've felt alone, even when surrounded by others. This episode is a beacon of hope, illuminating a passage through the darkness of self-doubt towards the light of self-acceptance.

We venture deeper into the emotional landscapes that shape us as Jessie lays bare her process of inner child healing and boundary setting. Her story is a testament to the courage required to confront past wounds and break free from the chains of old narratives. As she recounts the catharsis of purging painful memories and recreating her environment, Jessie invites us to nurture our inner child, rewriting our stories with compassion and self-love. It's a journey of personal transformation, one that echoes with the laughter of discovery and the peace of coming home to oneself.

Closing the conversation, we celebrate the victories of personal growth and the enduring quest for an open heart. Recognizing the love we crave often resides within, Jessie's insights into embracing our worth and keeping an open heart are profound. She shares the vision behind her women's retreat—a place fostering community, vulnerability, and growth. So grab your earphones and allow us to guide you through this inspiring tale of self-love, empowerment, and the undying human spirit. Remember, you are enough, you matter, and you are loved.

Guest Speaker: Meet Jessie! She is a Soul Purpose coach who specializes in helping her clients to cultivate deep self-love and unshakable inner peace and to remember the magic within and all around them. She uses deep, grounded presence, trauma-informed nervous system healing modalities, heartfelt connections and community, and the power of nature to create transformational learning experiences in the Columbus, Ohio area and virtually. She has received certifications from the Dharma Coaching Institute and The Center For Healing, as well as a pranayama certification from The Peaceful Warriors Yoga Alliance.

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The "The Self Worth Revolution" Podcast may, at times, cover sensitive topics including but not limited to suicide, abuse, violence, severe mental illnesses, sex, drugs, alcohol addiction, psychedelics and the use of plant medicines. You are advised to refrain from watching or listening to the Podcast if you are likely to be offended or adversely impacted by any of these topics. Neither The Company, The Host nor the guests shall at any time be liable for the content covered causing off...

Speaker 1:

And so from that major heartbreak spiraled into a ton of drinking in college, a ton of masking emotions and putting on the face of the one who was, you know, the happy go lucky party girl that everyone wanted to hang out with and that couldn't get it. Let anything get them down and on the inside I was just like dying. On the inside I was just screaming that, like I, this is not me. I am so sick in my own skin. I don't even know what to do to get better. I don't even know what to do to get out of this.

Speaker 1:

So how do I, how do I move forward from this and part of me being in that place of not knowing my worth, I attracted some really, really terrible relationships. I attracted some super terrible, super toxic relationships because I was not secure in my self worth. And I remember one day waking up after I'd gotten married and recognized that I was in a cycle that I told myself I would never be in again. I was married to someone who was addicted to alcohol and was getting drunk every single night, passing out on the floor multiple DUIs. I was so, so lost and unfulfilled and unhappy.

Speaker 2:

Welcome to the self worth revolution podcast hosted by Vivian Medrano. I am not only a podcaster, but a mother, a nurse, a life coach and a survivor. This podcast is about turning your pain into your power, your experiences into your lessons, and to start living a life full of abundance and peace and fulfillment. My higher purpose are for my listeners to find their self worth and their value by following their path to greatness. We are all deserving of living our best lives. It is time to stop identifying with our past. Start living in the present for a better future. This podcast will have guest speakers that will share their stories of how they transformed their lives and found their worth.

Speaker 2:

My mission is to let my listeners know this is your time to shine, to know that you are not alone. Feeling is empowering. It takes courage to be vulnerable and our voices have power. Hold on to your life, because this will be an incredible ride of self transformation, self empowerment and radical change. It is time for us to take our power back. Welcome, jesse, to the South Worth Revolution podcast. She is an amazing woman. She is a sole purpose coach. At times, we all need somebody to listen to us, and no better person than somebody who's kind of lived alive and now she's found herself, and so, without no further ado, I want Jesse to come on here and tell her fabulous story of growth, of healing, of transformation and becoming the woman she is today.

Speaker 1:

Thank you so much, vivi. It's such a pleasure to be here and I know we chatted a little bit before we started recording, but as I was talking I was like, you know, I should kind of go back to the beginning, because I know that this is a podcast on self worth and for me this has been truly a journey of like reclaiming my self worth after having people in my life make me forget it. You know, it's not like it was ever lost, because we never lose our self worth, and that's one thing that I've learned on this journey. However, the experiences that we go through can definitely make us forget who we are at our core, and you know, for me it started at a young age, seeing a dysfunctional relationship between my parents and then, getting to college, my high school sweetheart. I found out he had cheated on me about three weeks before I left for college and had been cheating on me the entire summer. And I found out the week that I moved in and that crushed my sweet, innocent little heart, where you think that this person is the love of your life. You're going to be with them forever, and for me, that was the beginning of this unraveling of my self worth.

Speaker 1:

Before that I was a very confident and you know I was a star athlete, I was a star scholar in school, like I did really well at everything that I put my mind to. And for this to happen it was almost like why am I not good enough? It wasn't like, it was almost like it was 100%. I asked myself why am I not good enough? Why did this happen to me? How could, what could I have done differently that would have made him want to be with me.

Speaker 1:

It's almost shameful to admit this, but for about two years of my college career there was kind of this back and forth with this guy where you know, oh, I'll be with you after this and just trying to make it work and not recognizing my own self worth and stepping out of this and saying, actually, you know what, you don't deserve my time because I am worthy of someone who's not going to make me feel like a second choice. Yeah, but unfortunately for me, a part of my journey was having to go through that and figure out that I'm not a second choice. I'm worthy of being first in someone's life and honored for the kind, compassionate soul that I am. And so from that major heartbreak spiraled into a ton of drinking in college, a ton of masking emotions and putting on the face of the one who was, you know, the happy go lucky party girl that everyone wanted to hang out with and that couldn't get it.

Speaker 1:

Let it anything, get them down. And on the inside I was just like dying. On the inside I was just screaming that, like I this is not me I am so sick in my own skin. I don't even know what to do to get better. I don't even know what to do to get out of this. So how do I, how do I move forward from this?

Speaker 1:

And part of me being in that place of not knowing my worth, I attracted some really, really terrible relationships. I attracted some super terrible, super toxic relationships because I was not secure in my self worth and I remember one day waking up after I'd gotten married and recognized that I was in a cycle that I told myself I would never be in again. I was married to someone who was addicted to alcohol and was getting drunk every single night, passing out on the floor multiple DUIs. I was so, so lost and unfulfilled and unhappy with my own life. But I also felt this deep responsibility to this person because I didn't want to suffer anymore and I felt like me leaving would be the catalyst for even worse suffering, and I'm sure a lot of people who've been in unhealthy relationships can relate to that. It's never just as easy as oh, just leave. And so I really began this journey of okay, well, right now I'm not at the place where I can leave. However, how can I rebuild my self worth so that I can stop being as affected by this, stop letting this draw me down so much?

Speaker 1:

And I began working with a life coach. I began exercising again and I actually enrolled in a coaching school after having worked with my coach for six months, because I saw how amazing it was for my own life and how much I blossomed into this woman who was starting to love herself and was starting to love her life and was excited for the future and was curious. And so I enrolled in this coaching program. And as I went through this coaching program, I started to realize how can I hold space for people who are learning how to express themselves authentically if I'm not living a life that's authentic to myself?

Speaker 1:

And with that came the really difficult decision to leave my marriage, and so I have been divorced since August. Officially I've been separated since January, so I'm a full year now. It's never really anywhere that you imagine yourself to be, especially at my age I'm 29 years old but through all of it, the one thing that I held fast to was I am worthy of love. I am worthy of love and I am going to pour that love into myself, because that's right now. I know I can give that to myself.

Speaker 2:

I can relate to you. I had to learn that I was creating this cycle for myself as well. I want to tell you, thank you, because I know how hard it is to be vulnerable and share that story, because I know for me for a long time sharing that story, I was just so worried about what people would think of me. A lot of times people question like well, why did you stay? Why did you stay for so long? Why didn't you leave? You should have left.

Speaker 2:

But unless you've ever been in a situation where you are in a toxic relationship, people don't really understand the bond that is created with a person that you're with. It's very toxic, not only on your end, but also on your end. In regards to this is something that you've held within yourself for so many years that you're attracting the same thing into yourself because you're choosing not to heal. So you're continuing the same pattern in the same cycle by choosing the same person and different people, and you don't start understanding that until just something lights up in your head and you're like something is within me that I am attracting the same people and just a different person. So what can I do to change this pattern, because I obviously need to break this cycle and it starts with you first. And that's the hardest thing, because it's easier to blame other people on why you act the way you act, why you accept the things you accept. The hardest thing is saying I need to take self acceptance for what it is that I'm going through.

Speaker 2:

What have I gone through in life that is making me attract a person who is unhealthy? Why is this making me feel and remind? For me, example, it reminded me of what I grew up with as a child and it was like a reflection. Like, if you look in the mirror, the person I was dating was just a reflection of the person who abused me as a child, and the same mannerisms, the same things that they would do, the same things that they would say. And I finally came to the conclusion where I'm like I'm attracting who I'm running away from. So it's time for me to start realizing what am I running away from? What am I so fearful of? You know? And it was the fear of shame, the fear of what other may think of me.

Speaker 2:

If I say my story of what happened to me Once, I accept that, what happened to me, I don't feel shame or guilt, because it's not shame or guilt for me to hold. They did what they did. Now, how am I going to take what they did and turn it into something better? And that's why I love that you say I now love myself and I find myself worthy of love, because it takes a very strong person to be able to acknowledge how worthy you are, because you are worthy and there is nothing that you should ever think that you're not. Would you be able to share with our listeners what are some of the things that you did in order to get to the point that you got to where you were able to look at yourself in that mirror and tell yourself I am worthy.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, of course, and I just want to mirror real quick the strength that it takes to release shame and guilt. That's not yours, so I see you for that as well. Thank you, and you know my journey. I'm very, very blessed to have been able to work alongside a coach who is certified in holding space for people to navigate big, tough emotions, choose another sole purpose life coach and their Dharma coach and really uncovering limiting beliefs and old, outdated beliefs that don't serve me anymore and help me shift them into more empowering beliefs. Yeah, and I know that that is a huge luxury for some people Not everyone is able to afford to pay for a coach, because sometimes you have to put food on the table and so I understand that that was a huge privilege that I was able to undertake that journey with someone as well.

Speaker 1:

But, quite honestly, the biggest things that were impactful in my journey were getting really, really comfortable with discomfort, because a lot of times, what we do when we're hurt is we put up these walls around our heart to avoid being hurt again, like, oh, this person treated me like this and so now I'm going to build this wall around my heart so that I don't get hurt again. And then, the minute that something starts to happen that triggers my brain and my body to go back to that place when I was hurt again, those walls go up right away. But those walls don't necessarily protect us. They just cut us off from all of the love that is around us. We think that we're avoiding pain, but in reality we're avoiding life, we're becoming numb to life, and for me, as a chronic avoider of emotions, I was always like this growing up.

Speaker 1:

It was a huge, huge feat for me to say, okay, you know what? I need to sit with these feelings, I need to sit with this sadness, I need to sit with this anger and let them work through me. And I need to look at the masks that I've been putting on up until now to mask this hurt, to portray that I'm someone other than who I am at my core. For me, that was the people pleaser, the perfect one. I had to do everything perfectly. I had to. You know, I wanted to be the life of the party, the fun one, and so what masks am I wearing to avoid letting people see the real raw me and then sitting with that and getting really comfortable in that discomfort?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I think that's the strongest thing. Like that is the thing we have to do is become uncomfortable before we could become comfortable. And a lot of times for people, even that word uncomfortable to them, it brings them chills, it brings them anxiety, because they don't want to become uncomfortable. Why can't it just be easy for me to change? Why can't it just be the snap of the fingers and it just you just change. You know, why do I have to become uncomfortable?

Speaker 2:

The truth of the matter is, unless you become uncomfortable, you're not going to know the value within yourself, because you have to conquer all those things that you are going through in order to know what you're worthy of, to know that you're valuable. You keep choosing what seems to be comfortable and familiar when it's really what your body believes is comfortable and familiar. But you know, intuitively know, that that is not what you want for yourself. But it's hard for you to remove yourself from that place because you know that removing yourself from that place, you're going to have to become uncomfortable. And one of the hardest things to become uncomfortable with is being by yourself. If you're in a relationship and you decide you're going to leave that relationship because it doesn't suit you, because it's abusive, because it's not what you want. You know, what happened to me is I started seeing myself and I started telling myself why is it that I don't introduce him to my children? Why is it that I lie for the actions that he does when he hurts me? When people ask me am I okay, I lie, even though I'm not okay. Why? I was just making excuses. I was forgiving so much, you know. I was always being like, oh well, he's not that bad, he does this, that's good, you know, trying to always avoid what was really in front of me because I was so afraid of being alone. That was the bottom line. I didn't know how to be alone. I always thought that you had to be with somebody in order to know your worth, your value, your love.

Speaker 2:

Once I decided to choose me and I also hit rock bottom about a year ago and I told myself I can't do this. No more, it needs to change, because I'm not happy. I come out portraying myself as I'm happy and I'm smiling and I'm happy, and I post on my you know Instagrams and stuff that I'm happy, you know, and inside of me I'm dying. I feel alone, like I'm laying in this bed and it just feels so cold and so lonely in. The room's always dark. I'm not letting light enter my life. And once I hit that rock bottom and I told myself I need to be alone, that is when I truly found myself. Did it happen overnight? No, hell no, it didn't happen overnight. It doesn't. Nothing happens overnight. But it's happened gradually and it's been a year now and I love the person I'm becoming because I chose to be alone. Was that something that was challenging for you to be alone, and were you able to be alone in your space during your healing? How did you deal with that?

Speaker 1:

So you know, for me personally in these past several relationships unhealthy relationships that I've been in, I can say like being in the relationship, I was so lonely, I felt alone in a house with someone there, so it was almost like it was better to be alone by myself and actually be alone than to be lonely with someone next to me.

Speaker 1:

And that was yeah, that was for me a really eye-opening realization that being alone isn't so bad. You know, I would rather be alone in my own company than be lonely in a house where you know I can't stand being here and I don't feel like I'm seen or heard or valued. And so for me, it was a very strange little journey for me, because I ended up having to move back in with my dad for a period of time and talk about, like, all the childhood woundings coming up again. You know, you're back in your childhood room that hasn't changed since high school and I'm laying here and I'm like, oh, no wonder why I have all of these issues with self-worth, because all of the childhood memories are coming back. I can see where I'm repeating this pattern of wanting to, you know, make this better, and I'm like trying to play out this story and actually give it a good ending and it's like wow, okay you know.

Speaker 1:

So, in a way, I'm glad that I had to have that whole experience as well too, and to be taken all the way back to these core childhood memories of feeling like I had to be the one that my dad would rely on emotionally. I was the only one that he would listen to. I was the only one that seemed to get through to him in any type of way. Yet you know, they're my parents' relationship, so it didn't work out. So my childhood mind was like you didn't do good enough. You didn't do good enough, you didn't get through to him. So now you're going to have to get through to someone else and prove that you can do it. And so it was a really interesting way for the universe to say oh look, we're bringing you back to the beginning, and now you can come full circle and see what this is about.

Speaker 1:

So I had this really beautiful, like ritualistic moment of purging everything in my room. I threw away the comforter, I threw away the pillows, I threw away all kinds of stuff. I went out and bought all new blankets and sheets and opened the windows, staged the room, gave it just like, tried to imbue it with a new, fresh energy, because I did not want to come back to that place and then be sucked back into the darkness and the sadness and the depression that I felt during my childhood. I wanted to do it differently, and then what was really important to me from there was finding my own place, because I'd never lived on my own before, and so I'm currently in my own space, and it's been so wonderful to just create this little haven of peace for myself.

Speaker 2:

Oh, that sounds so amazing Like you just gave me chills, honestly because it just sounds so surreal for some people to be able to know that living by yourself is actually a pretty wonderful thing, because you start loving yourself more, because the only person who's there for you is you. So you start to learn to depend on yourself more instead of the outside world. So you start accepting yourself for who you are and you stop trying to seek validation and acceptance from other people. And I think that's what happens when you start living on your own. It's like as soon as you start living on your own, you have to be comfortable with yourself and accept yourself as who you are, because you don't. How can you expect somebody else to accept you as who you are if you don't accept that person? And so once you start being comfortable on your own, if anybody were to come into your life and they cross your boundaries or they don't have the same values you hold, or they just do something that makes you uncomfortable, now you don't fear that I'm going to be alone. Now you stand ground for yourself because you love who you are in your space and nobody's going to come in and take that away from you because you work so hard for it and so that is so beautiful.

Speaker 2:

And then also, I mean, when you said that you were in your room, and as you were talking about that, I was imagining myself, because I can't honestly go into that room yet it's not this house. I would have to use my imagination of the room I was in and today, as I was doing my inner child healing, she wanted me to envision my little girl inside of me. And that was so hard because that little girl kept running away and it was me fearful of remembering those moments that that little girl faced. And once my coach started teaching me a way to connect with that little girl in a safe place, what we did was, instead of using a room, I created myself a park. So I created myself a park that I would envision, that I would want to go to and take that little girl inside of me out, where I would feel safe, because I didn't feel safe where I lived. And with that then the little girl came out of me and I was able to nurture her and tell her you are safe now.

Speaker 2:

And that was so empowering because you went through that in your room. You looked at that little girl and you're like that little girl was not happy in this space right here. Let me take everything out that reminds that little girl inside of me that I didn't do before. I'm going to do it for you now, as an adult. How did that feel for you. How empowering was that moment for you.

Speaker 1:

You know it was so. It brought me to my knees, honestly, and I remember. After that, I went down to the basement and I found this one very specific picture of myself that I remember, where I just had the saddest, the saddest eyes, I think, that I've ever seen in a picture, and that little girl was carrying so much sadness and so much that wasn't hers to carry. And it was just this reminder that everything that I have done from that moment till now was for her. It was for her, and she would be so incredibly proud of me, she'd be so proud of the woman that I am today. She wouldn't believe it, you know, and that's to me the sign of doing something right.

Speaker 2:

She is proud of you. She wouldn't be. She is proud of you because that little girl is you and you're bringing out that little girl that once didn't have a voice to be able to speak up and say I am safe. Now I am able to create the life that I've always wanted for myself. So she is happy for you. She's so proud of you because she's been in there this whole time and you finally reached out in there and you said let me make you feel safe. What is it that you want me to do for you that I've never done for you before? And so every day that you think of that little girl and you do everything that little girl wish could have been done for her back then, you're creating it for her now. So, yeah, she is proud of you. You know and that's my journey right now that I'm going on right now. I'm working on that little girl right now, and so I'm not at the phase where you're at right now. I'm still working on that little girl right now and trying to let her know that I hear you, I'm here for you, I'm going to protect you. What is it that you want? You know, getting into that space where you're starting to listen to that inner child, that little girl that's inside of you, that you've held so tight, and now you're trying to let her know it's okay to get out, it's okay You're going to be safe. I'm still working on that because it's hard. It's hard because I know there's going to be memories that are going to come out with that little girl.

Speaker 2:

But what I told that little girl today and one of the things that in my vision that I saw, we were both wearing a bright yellow dress and we were both in the water, and so there was a pond in my park too that I created for myself, and there was. So we got into water, because I love the water and the water and nature is important to me. So I got myself into water and she wanted to play in the water and I remember that she wanted to play and she's pulling me and she wants to play. So I go into water with her and as we're in the water, I start washing away the fears, I start washing away the pain, I start washing away the shame, the guilt that she holds within herself or what happened to her, and as I'm washing it away, I start to see her light up, I start to see that smile coming out that that little girl hasn't had in so long. And so, after we did all that, we laid on the side of the pond and we just held hands and we just let the warmth of the sun just relax us. And I remember just I'm that little girl, you know, and I started seeing myself, and that little girl was staring at me and I was staring back at her, and that little girl now felt safe Because I had taken her out of that place that was so dark for her and I was converting that place into something magical. And so that's what you did for your little girl, you know, and I think it's hard for a lot of people to understand that, but we all have an inner child inside of us that we have to unlock, that is screaming out Please let me out, please let me out.

Speaker 2:

I'm here, I'm here, you know. And that's where it goes back, where the past doesn't resonate with us, it doesn't define us. We're the co-creators of our lives. We're the ones that are the authors of our lives. We get to choose what chapters we close in our lives, and then we get to choose where we want to start our lives, and so, from that moment on, when you found your true awakening, could you've had a couple of awakenings in your life? How do you feel now that you found your true awakening in your space right now? How does that make you feel? I?

Speaker 1:

Feel very peaceful, and that was something that I've been searching for for a really long time. I feel peaceful, feel safe, and I feel like I have the ability To just surrender to the present moment, whereas before there's a lot of fear around the future, there's a lot of guilt and shame about the past, and it was easy for me to catch myself spiraling into one of those places, and Now there's this beautiful acceptance of it was just a part of my journey and it led me to where I am now, and Right here, right now, is a pretty beautiful place to be.

Speaker 2:

That's so Whoo, that's so beautiful. Because this is why I created this because I want other people to be aware that the beauty behind finding our worth in our valley, within us. Yes, we made choices in life that you know. Maybe we could have done something different, but there were choices we made at that moment in time. But that doesn't define who we are as people. And the fact that we took accountability and acknowledged what it was that we went through and how it is that we need to change understanding of what, then it makes us have a bigger understanding on the why. And that's the beauty of it, because, just like you and I, we've gone through so much, but we could have decided to continue the cycle. We could have decided to Make extremely bad choices in our lives. You know, just like you, I would drink just to mask my pain, and that's why I decided to stop drinking, because I was like I need to be in my space and I need to feel my feelings. If I don't feel my feelings, then how am I going to honestly grow and heal? I'm just gonna go continue the same cycle again, and so not until I stopped drinking, and it wasn't like I was drinking all the time, obviously, but there was moments where I was sad and I would drink and I would just be like, okay, it feels better. But I was temporary, it wasn't fixing the problem. I was only masking the problem because I was so afraid to face it. But once I decided, I'm gonna face it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, we get triggered. I'm sure you do too but now it's the way we respond to our trigger that's so different. Instead of reacting to it in a negative way, we respond to it. If something's uncomfortable, we remove ourselves from it. Does that mean that because we remove ourselves from it or dissociate ourselves, that there's like there's anything wrong with that or negative? No, that's just a way of us coping. We're finding healthier coping strategies for when we are triggered. You know, what would you say are your ways that you Work through your triggers that you've noticed have an affective with you.

Speaker 1:

So for me, I have loved the power of my breath and really really just being very conscientious about slowing my breathing down, because I can definitely get into a place where you know I'm triggered and then I say a lot of mean, hurtful things and it's not like anything's untrue, but they don't necessarily need to be said that way, you know and so I catch myself in those moments just pausing and stepping away, taking some really deep, grounding, slow breaths and creating that sense of safety in my body, in my nervous system. I've been doing a lot of like nervous system settling work, a lot of creating safety in my own body, using orienting, using breath work, using Feeling sensations in my body. So you know, one thing I love to do is feeling the support of the chair, you know, underneath me, the floor against my back, feeling even the support of the air just surrounding me and really feeling into those sensations and Then allowing myself to tune in words and feeling what that support, what those feelings of support Bring up in my body. Where am I feeling that internally and what does that feel like and what are the stories that are coming up behind that? I'm really just working through that and allowing myself to feel like?

Speaker 1:

What do I feel? Fear? Where am I feeling contraction right now? Where am I feeling sticky and stuck in icky? Okay now, what's what's behind that? Can I feel into that more? Can I feel into that just a little bit more than I did yesterday? Because truly being able to find a place of peace comes from Accepting that those feelings are gonna be there. You know you're never going to avoid Triggers. You know, and that's not why we do this work If we were gonna avoid things, we'd live in a bubble and then even then now you're not living You're now you're having other triggers because you're not living life.

Speaker 1:

So the goal of this work is not to avoid the triggers, but it's to expand our capacity to feel them without being overwhelmed by them. Mm-hmm, and I really I've had this really wonderful Visualization of like our triggers and that in those inner wounds, being like a dog at an animal shelter. I don't know if you've ever walked into an animal shelter or seen the dogs in there, but they're scared and they're Really distrustful people in their parking and you get close and they growl and so sometimes you really just need to take them out of their cage, one-on-one, sit in the grass and let them just slowly come to you and you just be this quiet, non-judgmental presence. Mm-hmm, and that's really kind of what I've allowed myself to be, for these big feelings when they come up.

Speaker 1:

I remember the very first time I went to the grocery store after I separated from my ex-husband, I walked into the grocery store and I grabbed the cart and I started walking through the door and I just broke down crying and there was just this Deep, deep sense of loss because now I'm just shopping for myself and I've never done that before and my entire life as I've known.

Speaker 1:

It is gone and I just let myself cry. Right there in the grocery store, I just and it would have been very easy to you know wipe the tears and put on your big girl pants and do what you got to do. But for me in that moment it felt so important to just acknowledge that they acknowledge that sadness, to acknowledge that hurt and to acknowledge that grief. And then it passed, and then I was like wow, I Get to buy myself the things that I want to buy. You know this whole reframe of okay, now I can go buy the organic fruits that I really like, that, you know, I wasn't buying before because my money was going elsewhere. And it's very, very interesting how quickly those cycles can complete in your body when you just let them. Yeah, and that's the one thing that I found that's been so beautiful about just accepting Accepting the emotions and not shying away from them.

Speaker 2:

It is it's so important, especially crying. I I don't know how many times I've cried, but crying is actually a healthy emotion that you have to feel, and a lot of times when you tend to suppress that feeling of the need to cry, all you're doing is hurting yourself because you're bottling it up at least for me, I feel it right in my gut area and so I start feeling like this pressure and pressure and pressure, and then I start feeling unstable. Enough balance Just because I chose not to cry because of what others may Feel uncomfortable because I'm crying. And so now, instead of worrying about what others may feel, I listen to my body and if my body needs to release that feeling of crying at that moment, then I do. And it's so invigorating to be able to cry and let it out, and then it's gone, it vanishes, and then you're able to focus on your task, whatever it was that you were doing at that moment in time.

Speaker 2:

And, like for me, I know it's hard for people to go eat on their own. I enjoy going to eat by myself. I have gone to trips by myself and I enjoy it because I Don't need to share this space with anybody, and what I'm learning is how to Overcome the fears of being alone, overcome the fears of like something's gonna happen to me. You know just all these negative things like people think of when you're alone and when I'm there alone, the joy that I feel, the happiness that I feel when I'm building these memories those are things you can't take back, and so those are just little steps into just getting to feel comfortable within your space and Knowing that you could take yourself out to dinner.

Speaker 2:

I mean, it doesn't have to be like a fancy dinner. You could just be anywhere that you would like to eat and just sit there in your space, read a book, whatever it is, just feel comfortable within yourself instead of needing to be with a Companion. I have lots of friends, but there's times where I just want to be on my own and be in my own space, and I think that that's important to do that, because then you start appreciating who you are as a person. So that's so beautiful and and I'm glad that you cried it out, because I can't imagine what your grocery would Look like if you didn't cry it out you probably would have bought something that you did not want for yourself and everything that you probably would have bought before Probably probably, and then carried it with, and then carried it with me for the rest of the day too.

Speaker 2:

Exactly. And then all you ever did is just bust her in there. And for what to her? Evening them further?

Speaker 1:

Exactly. Yeah, that kind of thing I've learned is, you know, when you don't allow yourself to Express the emotions and when you, when there's a fear of the emotion, it tends to persist a lot longer in your field and Then a lot of situations arise that bring up the same feeling. It's almost like the universe is way of saying, hey, come on, let this go, let this go, you're gonna keep seeing it, you're gonna keep seeing it in your field until you just Accept it and welcome it in. You know, it's all it. All it wants us to be acknowledged, all it wants us to be acknowledged. And the most powerful tool that we have, the most alchemical tool that we have, is our love.

Speaker 1:

Like our love can transmute anything, you know fear, sadness, anger Into something beautiful, and I think that the one thing that I found on my journey is Is that you know I've poured love into all the wrong places, but I finally learned that you know I should be pouring it into myself, and that's the one thing that I'm grateful for, is the one thing that I never, ever, ever, closed my heart to my capacity to pour out love, because ultimately, it came back to me.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, oh yes, I mean we give to other people and we fail to give to ourselves, because a lot of times we feel that we give to other people, then they're gonna love us more, they're going to Appreciate us, they're going to see that what they did was hurtful for us. If we only give, give, give, they're finally going to see what a great person I am. So you're giving into the wrong person constantly, and and then you're using all this energy and you're draining yourself. You're draining yourself from your light, you're draining yourself from your capabilities, you're losing what it's valuable for you because you're molding yourself into what that other person likes instead of what you like.

Speaker 2:

And so this is the beautiful part of it, like you said, is that you start now Loving yourself, and so the person that this whole time that you were supposed to seek love from has been staring at you in the mirror Every day that you look at yourself. Yeah, and you did not ever realize that the person that was staring back at you is the person who's saying hey, hello, I'm here. Can you love me? Love me, I need you right now. Can you stop going away? And until you start realizing that and you start getting yourself that love. Now You're able to look at yourself in a mirror and say I heard you, I caught you, I love you. And once you start loving yourself, then all else doesn't matter, because now it's like you're able to protect who you, who you are, you know. Because you're able to see yeah, I hear you, I wasn't perfect, I get that, but guess what? I love myself even through that, because I wouldn't be Didn't, what would be something that you would want to leave the listeners with. That is your aha moment, your moment of empowerment that you say I wish I would have done this, but now I am doing it.

Speaker 1:

Hmm, you know, the biggest aha moment for me, the biggest lesson that I've learned through all of this, is there is nothing, no amount of pain or sadness, that is worth closing your heart to. Yeah, you know, because when we close our hearts, we become numb. And we become numb, we become super complacent to where we're at in life, and that's when you start allowing and accepting the mistreatment and to Be treated in a way that you know that you are worthy of more. But because your heart is closed, you don't have that same Understanding of your worthiness. So keep your heart open, no matter how painful it is, no matter how scary it is. Keep your heart open because it's always gonna lead you back to love and in that love that you have within you.

Speaker 1:

It's just waiting to be discovered.

Speaker 2:

You know, I never, ever regret loving any of the people who hurt me Never know, because that's me and I love intentionally. I love Because I wanted to love you and because I wanted to welcome you into my life. So never do I regret loving any of the people who I loved Before I started my journey, because they all came into my life and Were a lesson that I needed to go through in life. If I say here and say I wish I Would have loved them, then I wouldn't have been who I am as a person. Because to me, love is so important and that's something that I don't want anybody to ever lose is, at least for me, the ability to love, because once you lose the ability to love, you've lost everything that's so amazingly powerful in this world. Because, like you, I also Agree that love conquers all Conquers all hatred, all fear, all pain. That's a powerful emotion that we all hold within ourselves If we choose to love, and once you choose to love, then everything great just comes with it, just naturally.

Speaker 2:

Yes, well, I want to thank you for being on this podcast. I want you to share anything that I could put in the notes so people could connect with you. I know that you're having a program coming in pretty soon. Would you like to talk a little bit about your program? Because I feel that, being the gem that you are, I think that your program will bring a lot of value to other people out there and I feel that we didn't really get to talk about it, but I feel we should, because people should be able to connect with you and work with somebody who is so passionate about bringing out the worth and others.

Speaker 1:

Thank you. So, yeah, if you want to connect with me, you can find me on Instagram at jessealinello. I'm currently hosting a women's retreat in February using the energy and the magic of emulch, one of the Savits in the Wheel of the Year, a Celtic traditional festival around the stirrings of spring in the midst of winter, and Basically, we'll be doing a lot of work that you know, you and I have discussed here now and is Sitting in the discomfort because it's cold, it's we're in Ohio, in the midst of winter and this is a time that not a lot of people want to be outside, but we'll be outside. We'll have a chance to do some mindfulness in the forest, a beautiful heart opening to cow ceremony, breath work to learn to expand your capacity to tolerate discomfort, journaling, and We'll end the night with ecstatic dancing around the fire. And it's honestly.

Speaker 1:

This vision is something that I've been creating in my heart, in my mind, and I'm so, so blessed to be able to bring it to life, because when I think of community, when I think of community, I think of bringing women together around fire and sharing stories and being vulnerable, and that's what I aim to do in this retreat. So we'll be having an all-day winter day camp February 3rd. There will be a link to purchase tickets to that. If you're in the Ohio area and you'd like to join, that's in my bio, and I'm also currently accepting One-on-one coaching clients as well too. I'm currently offering all of my coaching for free for the next couple of months, just because I think healing should be accessible and I wanted to start the new year in service. So if you're interested, there's a link to schedule that as well.

Speaker 2:

Awesome, that is such great news. Make sure to put it also in the show notes. But thank you so much for connecting with us and I appreciate you. Your vulnerability and you are worthy of love. That's one. Let you know that thank you so much.

Speaker 2:

Thank you for taking your time and connecting with me on this beautiful journey of life. Please subscribe and review, and don't forget to follow so you don't miss out on any of these amazing and empowering episodes. Always remember you matter. If nobody has told you today, I am here to tell you that you are enough, you are worthy and you are deserving of the best. Every day that you wake up, I want you to take one moment and just look at yourself in the mirror and know that the person staring back at you is so proud of you and loves you beyond measures. You are a true warrior.