Self-Worth Revolution: Tips for your Transformational Journey

The Emotional Odyssey of Modern Masculinity with Justin McCarthy

• Vivian Medrano • Season 1 • Episode 9

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Embarking on a journey of self-discovery can be daunting, yet it's critical for growth. I had the privilege of sitting down with Justin McCarthy founder of New Found Awakening-Holistic Healing  Opus Approach, whose life story is a testament to this truth. We traverse his path from military service to embracing Eastern philosophies, touching on mindfulness and the transformative power of authenticity. Our discussion isn't just about personal evolution; it challenges the very essence of masculinity, urging men to redefine strength through vulnerability and emotional openness.

Healing is not a solo endeavor, and this conversation underscores the collective effort required to guide men towards purpose and self-worth. We dissect societal pressures and the need for validation in a world that often misunderstands the male struggle. Sharing tales from both my guest and my own experiences, including a transformative trip to Peru, we shine a light on the profound effects of support networks, self-reflection, and embracing every step in the healing process.

Wrapping up, we celebrate the emotional progress achieved by men who dare to peel back their armor. The connection fostered in this episode is one that calls for a wider audience and continued dialogue, which is why anticipation bubbles for the release of part two. Justin's story and our exchange highlight the enduring strength of being in touch with one's emotions and the ripple of change it can inspire. This is not just a podcast; it's a movement redefining the very fabric of manhood.

Guest Speaker: Justin McCarthy first encounter to the gap between thought and feeling was through asana yoga practice. Here is where he also started his practice of breathwork and meditation. His favorite pose to be in stillness during meditation is shavasana (corpse pose). Justin is a true explorer and on one of his many adventures after ending a three year marriage he started to explore the healing purposes and benefits of plant medicine. Here is when he started to answer the question "What does it mean to be a man today?" He started to become connected with his masculinity in a more profound and healthy way. This is when Justin recognized the value of Men's Work in being able to walk in true brotherhood to a happier and healthier life.  He is now a Kambo practitio

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The "The Self Worth Revolution" Podcast may, at times, cover sensitive topics including but not limited to suicide, abuse, violence, severe mental illnesses, sex, drugs, alcohol addiction, psychedelics and the use of plant medicines. You are advised to refrain from watching or listening to the Podcast if you are likely to be offended or adversely impacted by any of these topics. Neither The Company, The Host nor the guests shall at any time be liable for the content covered causing off...

Speaker 1:

Today I had the pleasure of interviewing Justin McCarthy, the founder of New Found Awakening Holistic Approach, through OPIS. To be quite honest, I was quite nervous because I had not spoken to a man in over a year. But when creating my podcast I knew it was my purpose to not only serve and bring value to women, but to also bring value and awareness to men. I also wanted men to feel seen, heard and understood. To let men know healing is not only for women, but also for men. You are not alone in this journey of healing, growth and self-transformation. In no better way than men bringing awareness to men on the power of vulnerability, the power of overcoming their childhood pain and the power of choosing radical change than a man like Justin, who has his personal experience of healing. Getting out of my comfort zone to interview Justin was extremely important to me. The ultimate mission is to improve not only the relationship within ourselves, but also our relationship with others. Today, justin will share his personal story of growth, transformation and self-empowerment when he chose the journey of healing. He will share the intimate moment when he experienced his spiritual awakening and felt alive for the very first time. This is just one of the many powerful stories he will share. So brace yourself for an incredible episode on the power of authenticity, vulnerability and self-awareness.

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Self Worth Revolution Podcast hosted by Vivian Medrano. I am not only a podcaster, but a mother, a nurse, a life coach and a survivor. This podcast is about turning your pain into your power, your experiences into your lessons, and to start living a life full of abundance, inner peace and fulfillment. My higher purpose are for my listeners to find their self worth and their value by following their path to greatness. We are all deserving of living our best lives. It is time to stop identifying with our past. Start living in the present or a better future. This podcast will have guest speakers that will share their stories of how they transformed their lives and found their worth.

Speaker 1:

My mission is to let my listeners know this is your time to shine, to know that you are not alone. Healing is empowering. It takes courage to be vulnerable and our voice is self-power. Hold on to your lives, because this will be an incredible ride of self-transformation, self-empowerment and radical change. It is time for us to take our power back. Welcome to the Self Worth Revolution podcast with Justin McCarthy. He's a holistic health provider, a combo practitioner, a breath work guide and a man who has been bringing value and guidance to many men during their transformational and healing journey to reset, restore and create balance in their nervous system. He's the proud founder of the newfound awakening opus. Without no further ado, I would like you to introduce yourself.

Speaker 2:

Thank you, that was a great introduction. You kind of covered it all Working with plant medicine, doing men's work, facilitation, my business name yeah, that's definitely all the things. If you pull up my website, you'll find myself. I'm from Newfoundland, the island on the Far East coast of Canada, and it's a rugged island they call it the Rock. Growing up there and left home at 18, I joined the military and I did 10 years in the Canadian military, three years in the army and seven years in the Navy. I've served coast to coast in this country and I've been to probably about, I think, six different countries with the military. I've been to over 40 countries, personal as well. A lot of traveling and a lot of seeing the world to get cultured and to see what other people live like out there.

Speaker 1:

That's amazing, the fact that you're able to travel and see all these countries, the cultures that you must have encountered throughout the way. Which one sit out to you the most?

Speaker 2:

Asia.

Speaker 2:

It's like a different world, in Asia the culture. They don't have so much of a religion. If you go into Catholicism there then the religion is definitely there, but like Hinduism, taoism in China, buddhism in Asia, it's a way of life, it's a culture in itself. The family unit is something that is really revered. We see a lot today where we just stick our elderly and old folks' homes or we send our kids to daycare and school and they're just taking care of by facilitators or teachers or care workers. The family unit over there, especially in places like India or China, is very much like elderly take care of the children while the parents are at work and everybody is in a home unit. Still today it's changing a little bit in the bigger centers, but it's still very much like bred into their culture.

Speaker 1:

I see that Buddha has been really big for you during your transformational journey. Can you explain a little bit about that?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, the suffering with anxiety, depression, mental health disorders and diagnosis from the Western models. The one thing that really stood out to me that was parallel between what I was learning in therapy and then when I finally come across these philosophies in the East, was mindfulness. Mindfulness really stood out, to be mindful of the thoughts and emotions within the body, to understand ourself. The way that the scripture over Delphi would say is no thyself. That's what I had to come to understand because I was so reactive and would act out my emotions deeply that I had to become mindful of what was going on inside of me so I didn't hurt the people around me and, in turn, hurt myself. Becoming that very common collective yogi or monk in Buddhist traditions is something that I knew I had to work towards and start to implement these practices from the East to be able to live a better life.

Speaker 1:

I think that's beautiful, because I think a lot of what we need to do through our journey is become more mindful and become more connected with our mind and our bodies.

Speaker 1:

A lot of times, people just think if I change the exterior, if I change how I look, without not fixing the inside, we're still going to be that person who's suffering on the inside because we're just oppressing everything. So now, when you become more mindful of your triggers or what's causing things, you're able to now, like you said, respond instead of react to circumstances, which is a lot healthier for us In this world, men especially. It's really hard for them to become vulnerable with themselves and with society, because it's seen as a form of weakness, when in reality, it's nothing to do with weakness, but actually it takes courage to be vulnerable in this world. Without vulnerability, you can't be courageous, and so I want you to share your story in regards to what you went through before you reached your awakening, so men could feel that they're not alone in this journey and what they feel internally, what they're thinking they're going through alone, that they really are not going through it alone, because I think a lot of times it's easier for women to speak of it, but not for men.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so I'll give a bit of context for the current situation that I'm in. It's interesting that a part of your title is self-worth within your podcast and within things that you do, and yesterday I spent the whole day I think it was nine o'clock in the morning till 4.30 and just before supper time and spent it with 43 men in a summit working together and finally coming together to start to open up, to do this work, and these are professionals and practitioners and people just wanting to do the work, and that's the first time, I believe, on the east coast of Canada, in the four Atlantic provinces, that anybody has ever gotten together in that large of a number in just men, and that's significant. So I'm working with other people there Currently, right now, with myself, my own struggles, and darkness inside is I'm really struggling with self-worth. So, going back, now you're asking me to go back to a place where it was unconscious self-worth that was really crushing my life, and I got out of the military, out of the Navy, and left British Columbia, moved back to Newfoundland in 2016. And at that time I had a back injury, so I had physical limitations and I was feeling a sense of low self-worth because of that because I've always prided myself on my physical ability and I've always been in really good shape. So that was really hurting me psychologically and I went home and I was extremely reactive all the time. I was drinking a lot, I was really trying to get off of substance cocaine and I was at that point where I was getting off of it and stopped using it. I was still very much in my life and I always have been since a child. Newfoundland is a very Irish based culture and we are heavy drinkers and it's in our culture. So that's something that really took a toll on me for my moods, for really peeking them up and down. While I was there, I was engaged with a woman and we went away and got married in 2017 and came home and I did a bit more moving around in 2019 and then COVID happened. I was at West again in Alberta. We moved back east again and this has been a trend of mine to go back and forth with him one to three years, because I'm never satisfied and this is actually the chaos that was in my head that I wouldn't pinpoint to be that At that time when we got married and I came home, I had my first mental breakdown in 2018 and I had a major panic attack followed by two weeks of I don't know how to really describe it other than absolute, debilitating numbness.

Speaker 2:

I couldn't drive my sensory deprivation and everything was off. I couldn't hold things very, very correctly. I truly had a meltdown and I asked for help. It was the first time I asked for help ever, and when I did that, veterans Affairs did help me out, and also my wife was a social worker working with clients with these types of illnesses, and it was the first time that I went to counseling to talk to somebody, and the first thing I talked about was alcohol. And that was the turning point where I then went through three more counselors and then finally found a therapist in 2019.

Speaker 2:

That was really good, worked with him for two years, had a diagnosis from 2018 into 2020 of general anxiety disorder, mood disorder, depression disorder, bipolar 2 disorder and there was another one oh, sad as well seasonal affective disorder and substance abuse disorder. So I was like, okay, so I have a sentence here for the rest of my life that I don't think. I don't know if I'm going to be able to overcome or work again, a bolder job or relationship. I was watching the reflection in my wife's face. Every time I would blow up. Every time my anger would just explode every time that I was irritated or frustrated or verbally abusive and I continued to ask for help. But it wasn't helping, and neither was the medications. The medications sometimes were make it worse, and there was other times it did nothing. So I ended up looking for plant medicine, something natural, and trying to always find a way to heal, because I wasn't okay with the diagnosis and the labels that people were putting on me. I knew that wasn't me.

Speaker 1:

And I think that's what's important is a lot of times we're diagnosed with anxiety, depression. We said sadness. I don't know how that's a diagnosis. To me it's more of an emotion, right, and we all have our emotions. You had moments where you were angry, you had moments where you were sad, you had moments where you just did not understand what it was that your body was going through.

Speaker 1:

And a lot of times that's your body giving you signals, telling you something feels unsafe and something feels wrong, and masking it through medication is not always the best solution, because you're masking the biggest problem that you're going through. So you're basically saying, okay, you're feeling these feelings. Now we don't want you to feel these feelings. We actually want you to put a block in front of these feelings by taking these medications. So in return, it's like how does that really help you in the long run? It doesn't. So what ultimately ended up helping? You? Find that pointing your life where you were like this isn't helping. I don't want to take these medications. I really don't want to mask my feelings. I want to understand why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling and get down to the nitty gritty of it all.

Speaker 1:

But it was your awakening moment at that time.

Speaker 2:

I was still dealing with a bit of this back pain and I was using nerve medication and that was working and I was actually really scared to come off of it because the back pain was so bad, the neurological pain that I had was so bad that I for a year and a half on this nerve medication, I was so terrified to go back and feel that because I would cry in the bathtub for about a half an hour with not being able to feel my left leg, and so what ended up helping with that is that I got off of that and I started using prescription cannabis and I'm not an advocate for cannabis because I think it's a like medication. I think people should go on it and then come off of it. I don't think it's a long term thing and people it's a crutch. It really is and it was for me as well. So it helped with stabilizing a bit of pain.

Speaker 2:

But also sleep. I was so. I was so gone that my sleep was so terrible. And then my habits of things like drinking. It was actually cannabis that helped me get stop drinking, because I just didn't want to have hangovers anymore.

Speaker 2:

I didn't want to feel gross the way I was or put on weight. So cannabis actually helped me also quit alcohol. So it really did three things for me while I was using it, and it was during that time that I was using edibles and smoking and I was using actually pretty high doses to manage my anxiety, pain and everything going out of my life, my anger. And it was during that time, when I was in Calgary, that I ended up having this big change in perspective, this big wake up what people call, and it was a huge rupture. It felt like everything clicked and a switch turned on in my head. It was like someone came in and just flicked all the lights on in an auditorium and everything lit up for me.

Speaker 1:

That's amazing. It's like they see, darkness is temporary, lightness is forever. And it's like you just imagine that where you just said the way that that room lit up for you was probably so bright, it wasn't just, you didn't just say like my room, you said a whole auditorium. So it's like how did that feel for you when you started feeling that feeling of like wow, there is actually some light from this darkness that I've been feeling all this time? How did that feel for you?

Speaker 2:

It was like the first time I was alive and I couldn't remember being that alive in my past, even with drugs and alcohol, even with amazing points in my life like memories and moments, and I've never felt that alive for that long of a time. And the caution was from my therapist at the time because I told him I was like I'm better, I don't need anything, and he's like I'm worried that you're having a manic episode. And I was like I know you are. I was like because that's called the spiritual awakening and they're very much the same and I was like this is the reasons why it's not.

Speaker 2:

I was like I don't feel like being, I don't have any feelings of grandeur, I don't have any feelings of recklessness, I don't have any feelings.

Speaker 2:

And I just went through all the symptoms of having a manic or hypomanic episode which I very much displayed in my 20s. And so once I started recognizing because I had enough self-awareness tools at that time and mindfulness to say this is not a manic episode I just woke up, like literally. I woke up and I was so amazed with my life and the things around me and the people. I was mountain biking that summer and it was so much fun just to go into like creeks of water and just like see the water and see the trees and be in the parks and see the mountains out west, the Rockies, and it was really eye-opening to a point where I felt hope and optimism for life again. It was something came in and I wish I could give that to people and be able to say like here's the recipe, you can have that too. I didn't ask for that, I didn't look for it, it just came to me and it was a very strong moment for me.

Speaker 2:

That wasn't just like a switch, like I said that's how I referenced it but it was actually a transcendent moment with my brother that passed away in 2011. And he came to me and gave me messages because I had questions for him and it was in that moment. I was just in the bathtub at like 4.30 in the morning. I woke up early and I was using edibles and lit incense and went into my meditative state and into my place just to be with myself and do my practice, and it was at that moment that I went out in the bathtub and he came to me during this.

Speaker 2:

I don't know how long it was, I don't know anything, but all I came back with was all this new information inside my mind and I wept for about a half an hour hysterically and trying to figure out where I just was and what just happened. And after that moment, there was synchronicities that I didn't know were synchronicities at the time, that were happening every day, that were leading me in the direction I was just following the intuition of like see this, follow this, do that, go here. And this was all summer long. It was incredible.

Speaker 1:

It's like the path is already created for you. It's now that you have to trust that path. You can't like question it, you can't force anything. You just have to go along with what's given to you.

Speaker 1:

And I completely understand that, because when I had my moment, I was in meditation and this bright light came out at me and I really can't explain it to people. I always tell people I can't explain it to you. It's a feeling, it's just such a powerful feeling that comes into your body and then it releases something too that you've been holding in, and it just feels so powerful and then, at the same time, you feel so light, like somebody took off things that you had over your shoulders and you've been holding for yourselves for so long, that all of a sudden it's like, wow, all this weight got lifted off of you. So now, even just the simple thing of watching a movie, I listen to words that resonate with me and I'm just like, oh my God, I love that and I'll go and write it down. I'm like that is so powerful, but I'll go out in nature because I love being outside and I could just sit there and just listen to the birds or listen to the water and you get so deeply profound in it.

Speaker 1:

But other people still haven't been able to connect so fully. So they're like how do you do it? And I'm like I can't do it for you, like I could tell you the steps that I took to get there, but I can't do it for you. So what steps have you taken for yourself to now get there? There's one thing that you said that was so important to me, and it said what does it mean to be a man today? What do you mean be a man today? I want to ask you what you mean by that.

Speaker 2:

It's a big question and the more I dig into it and this is my perspective on it spending that time yesterday hearing certain people speak and the facilitator talk and the two facilitators about this masculinity and man and what we're doing here there was some stuff I definitely resonated with, and there was other things that I think we can take a little further, and what I mean by that is that I think we're still exploring. I think we're taking some of the good qualities of what we know a man to be and you talked about two things at the beginning is to be able to show up and be vulnerable, and that takes courage, and there's one thing that we know that men have and can have is courage and bravery.

Speaker 2:

Men have gone into battle, into war for centuries, for millennia, and we do this unwillingly, knowing that we're protecting our family, our kin, our country, whatever our homeland, whatever that might be, and we courageously run into battle, and that is something that I think is very much innate into being a man. There's a lot of different ways that we can explain being a man, but I think that's probably the number one thing, because fear is always there and courage is just the thing we do in the face of fear. So for me, I think we're taking some of that, that good qualities about a man, but we're also reinventing ourselves a little bit too. Maybe evolving is a better word than reinventing. I think the conscious man, the conscious masculine, is something that is very much rising right now, and I would say and I think a lot of people would agree with me that women have been like waiting for us to start rising and leveling up, and we're slow learners. We're coming around we're doing

Speaker 2:

it.

Speaker 2:

I just was with 43 men in a very rural area of the world and it's happening.

Speaker 2:

I know that there's different organizations, like down in California and Oregon and Australia and New Zealand, hawaii, all these different places that are starting up and people are doing the work, men are doing the work, and it's time for us to come out of our sedated state and our places of isolation and and say that it's okay, so we're reconnecting in a brotherhood and with other men, showing a safe place to be vulnerable.

Speaker 2:

To talk about the two things that is at the root of every man and our trauma, which is shame and self-worth and those two things are at every single man's core is shame, is deep, deep rooted shame. He's a shame to who he is. He's a shame to where he comes from. He's a shame to what he has done, to women, to his community, to his family. He's a shame to visit of what he's done or to lack there of his career and his pursuit of purpose that he holds a lot of responsibility and he's not holding that responsibility. There's so much shame that's inside of us that it like I get emotional thinking about it because I have it myself and I weep for every man that feels this because I know every man does.

Speaker 1:

How about also the shame of what they went through as a child? And it's not only the shame of that they hold on what led them to be how they are as adults, but facing that shame that they went through as a child? Because a lot of people think about abuse and trauma as only women go through it. Maybe it's because we're starting to be able to be more open and speaking about it, where men feel like, how can I speak about it? They're just gonna look in at me and they're gonna be like, well, how did you let that happen to you? You're a man, aren't you strong? Can't you fight? And the bottom line is that they're not up for what happened to them as a child. And the beauty of it is like you said right now is they're starting to create that change for themselves. But they really have to face that shame and we all carry shame. I mean, I do and I had a. Face my shame and use my shame and convert it into something more powerful, because I had to recognize that I was not at fault for what's happening to me, but I am at fault for not making those decisions to change, and so change is so important in this world.

Speaker 1:

I want to ask you a question and maybe you may know the answer. Maybe you may not, but what do you think has changed in society that men are starting to feel more comfortable within themselves, to know that it's okay to feel sensitive, to be emotional, to empathize with others, to connect with others, because, in reality, as humans, the only way that we can live together is through connection. What have you seen the change? Because I have seen that and I think it's so beautiful, not only for us women but for men, to feel that it's powerful, because you feel better overall. You just feel better. I mean, you're not walking around angry, you're walking around happier. You know, it's like it's a beautiful feeling to walk around happy and knowing how to love others and receive love that's, that's the big part of it, so that's the that's.

Speaker 2:

The outcome is to be able to give and receive love and be love.

Speaker 2:

And maybe that's something that men didn't get in their youth.

Speaker 2:

Because when we look at even the father or the mother within a unit relationship, within the family, in the parent dynamic, if they, if we have that, if the way we treat a boy and the way we treat a girl is distinctly different, and so we really look at this girl as put around a pestle, this princess, so cute, so fragile, like, oh, the hugs and the kisses, and and that can continue on even into adolescence and there gets to a time when a boy doesn't become cute anymore and he doesn't receive that physical intimacy, that love, that that kindness from our family, from our mothers and our fathers, or we push them away, whatever that might be.

Speaker 2:

Because it's seen as this is a really underlying and kind of compounding factor. That isn't just what happens in like the perpetrator what you were talking about and the victim and seeing the degradation and the defilement of the victim, men or women in a victim situation both feel that. But homophobia is the compound for men and that's why a lot of men sit in silence is because they don't want to be seen as gay, because that was actually pushed from the Catholic Church and from society as something that was so heinous and bad and terrible that that compounds all that other stuff, that the the whole thing that we feel that deep rooted shame if we have suffered that.

Speaker 2:

What really has put men in a place for change, and where we see this change starting to happen, is that there has been a number of courageous men to step up and be leaders. And men do have to be leaders. We have to be the king archetype. We have to be courageous warriors and have that archetype inside of us. We have to go through things like rituals and coming of age and there's certain names as I would there that have really stepped up and move forward and use their voice. They're standing up to the people and the other men that are suppressing our society and we're finally seeing a turnaround of other men saying if he can do it, I can do it, or if he can lead this way, I want to follow. Whatever that might be, but we're feeling.

Speaker 1:

We're feeling that sense of courage you're feeling that sense of unity and you're feeling the support not only from women, but also from men, and that's what's so important, because now you're all coming together and you're telling each other it's okay for us to feel this way and then, in return, yes, you're gonna have healthier relationships, you're gonna attract healthier people into your life, and it's all going to start by you working on yourself first, and that's what you're creating for everybody right now.

Speaker 1:

You found your awakening, the opus, which I think it's really, really amazing. But I want to hear more about how you got to the opus, because I know it has to do in relation with Peru. In a book that you read called the care of the soul and I love the quote, and I'm gonna say it because you wrote it and I love the quote it says work is fundamental to the opus, because the whole point of life is the fabrication of the soul, and we have to work to feed our soul greatness in order for us to feel empowered beings. And so what did the opus mean to you and how did you get to that point of your?

Speaker 2:

that word stood out to me on that plane ride to Peru, my first time going to Peru, and what I was going there for was the two things I recognized I need it, which was to learn how to be a man. So I needed good men around me. I needed to start connecting with open-hearted, strong-minded, courageous men willing to be vulnerable and hold space and learn how to do that. So I went for masculinity training. I went for a men's retreat and the other thing that I wanted to do was to be able to work with some sort of medicine and some sort of traditional lineage that I could find more healing and and something else to help me outside of the Western model. So it was medicine and masculinity in this retreat, all in one. It was the first time that I went on retreat, it was the first time I went to Peru and it was the first time that I did this type of medicine plant medicine and on that flight I took a book with me that a friend about a year before that gave me and I didn't finish and for some reason it just intuitively said I need to finish this book on my way or while I'm gone.

Speaker 2:

And I got on that plane, that long plane ride, and I finished the book and I sat back at points in that book and I made notes in my journal all the way down and I sat back after and I was like this is all in place, I'm just following the path.

Speaker 2:

I'm not, I'm not in control here, I'm not the one pulling the strings, I'm just following that path, I'm walking it. I'm choosing to walk like I have to do the work, to walk it. And so once I started realizing that this was the work that I had to do was to get up and walk myself and and continue to follow these breadcrumbs, and that work is opus opus is Latin for work and then, once I started to get my tools of plant medicine and do my practice of mindfulness and meditation and breath work, I Started to recognize that all the tools and the practices you can actually use as a crutch as well, and they can be spiritually bypassing, meaning that you're not working on your soul, you're not working on your person, you're not working on your spiritual development. And so I said where is the real work lie? And and I started to recognize it was in the everyday, it was in the every moment. It wasn't just the practice and the tools and when you use that is actually the integration after the intention.

Speaker 2:

When you get up, it's showing gratitude, saying thank you to a tree, that you live in a symbiotic relationship with it, and I just did this this morning with about a hundred trees in the woods and I hugged them and I touched them and I cried and I saw walking and saying thank you for this and thank you for that, and and it was the first time I've been able to give that gratitude and thank you and appreciation back to the trees in a while.

Speaker 2:

And when that word opus, came to me, I Started to realize that the other part of the branding, the symbol, it's a circle, it's a Japanese paint, that circle, and when they put paint on the brush, they run the brush until it runs out and it comes thick and then thin, but still a full circle.

Speaker 2:

And I see that as a cycle, the cycle of rumination that we get in with depression and anxiety, and we need to break that cycle and what we do is tools, practice, and the work is that when we're in our darkest and our hardest, that's when the work really matters, that's when we have to be our most diligent and dedicated is to really pull ourselves out of that cycle and break it and get out, and Then we can get on with our life and start creating something else until the next cycle comes.

Speaker 2:

And so opus, that Latin for work, is my life's work and I took it on and as I started to see my aim and direction of what my life's purpose was is to Run this brand, this logo, this legacy. What I hope to create is my manifestation, is my thing. That I'm here to do is my purpose in life, and that's one of the things that men need is a purpose as a direction and a goal, something they aim towards and really have something transcending themselves as the thing that they're trying to reach. So, doing the work, it's never gonna end.

Speaker 1:

No, it doesn't. It's like people think, oh, you're healing, oh you're healed. No, you continue to heal throughout life. Because your triggers are still gonna be there. Your body's gonna feel uneasy sometimes. Now it's like, through the healing and transformational journey, what's happening is you're learning how to adapt healthier habits, on how to respond to these triggers, and you learn to connect with just the higher source of everything, like just putting your foot on the ground. To me it's like feeling the energy of the earth underneath me and I'm thinking it For holding me up through my toughest days. And I'm just like, if I could step on this ground, if I could take a breath, then I can move forward. Because we're gonna have days where we wake up and, for some unknown reason, it's just a hard, emotional day and I can't pinpoint it. Sometimes it just happens where I wake up and I'm like geez, I feel so uneasy today. What can I do? And so usually I'll journal whatever it is I'm feeling, or I'll go out into nature, like you do. I was just saying how this was.

Speaker 1:

One of my challenges was to learn to be by myself and to learn to not need an outside companion for a long time, because I was in that phase where I was programmed as a woman to believe that I needed an outside source and outside companion To feel that love, to feel that happiness that we have inside of ourselves, that we're supposed to create for ourselves. So what happened was I finally decided I needed to be alone, and by being alone I started to learn that I actually don't feel lonely as long as I fulfill that love for myself that I was seeking from the external. So what are your thoughts on that, on when people want to heal, do you think it's really important to be by yourself and if so, what is the hardest part of it? Do you think that people face through that journey?

Speaker 2:

I think it's extremely important to befriend yourself and to understand what it's like to be in your own company, because if you don't like your own company, it's like that's a hard place to be, and if you don't like your own company, there's a lot of people that also don't like your company. So that's a big reflection that people can really see that A lot of times we use connection, as we say it's extremely important, which I don't doubt that it is. Men need more isolation for contemplation than women. They need less connection, but we don't have enough. We definitely don't have enough today, and so we're trying to regain that a little bit.

Speaker 2:

I feel that, yeah, it goes what I was saying that it's extremely important to be able to be in your own company and to be able to spend extended periods of time by yourself, to understand yourself, and this might be what people around you, but you're not interacting with them and you're also not busying yourself too much. One thing that I would say to people Is to really get to know yourself and test yourself is to go out to dinner In a in a busy restaurant on a Friday or Saturday night by yourself and sit at a table of one. See how much anxiety, how many thoughts, how much insecurities, how much stuff is going on there. Bring a journal and write down all those lines that is said, those false things that said, and just write that out. And then when the waiter comes over, you make short conversation, but not get into too much because that'll like pull you out of what you're supposed to be, kind of there doing and and then really understand Some of the things that you might need to work on.

Speaker 2:

Is it shame, is it self-worth, is it some other insecurity? Is it the way that I have to look pretty on the outside to feel pretty on the inside? Is it it like can we go somewhere without the makeup or without the hair done? Or can I go somewhere not shaven or Like can I go somewhere looking like kind of ratty and be okay with that and be be fulfilled? So that's definitely there. I'm trying. I'm trying to figure out what the level of connection is that we do need as humans and then is it?

Speaker 2:

is the levels really drastically different between men and women? And I'm wondering. I see a lot of women, so this is my observation Is that I see a lot of women doing exactly what you said is that they're becoming okay with themselves, but it almost seems like women are like isolating or protecting themselves in a bubble now and they're like I don't need a man. And there's a lot of good men out there that want to grow and do this work and conscious evolution together, which I hope that we can do, as as the female, male part of our species. And I see a lot of protection, and for good reason and because they've been Women have been like pulled through the ringer, over the cheese crater by man for a long time and I get it. I get it, I hope 100%. I don't say like no, you should find a man and do that, like no, we've been terrible, absolutely terrible, and I'll say yeah, yeah, I plead guilty, 100%.

Speaker 2:

I've been also part of that terrible thing and I still trip up, but we're learning, we're growing and if all we can ask and all that a man can do and I'll speak for myself and I'm sure I can speak for many other men Is that we have to be accountable for our shortcomings we and if you have a man that can stand up and say I fucked up, I should not have done that, and my words aren't enough and I have to show you now that I won't do that again. And Just saying I'm sorry is not enough, but taking action to show that you're sorry and catching yourself. Maybe you trip up again and again, but you're getting closer each time to say I almost caught myself, yeah, I gotta go right, and you and you take off. And then you, we were reactive again and you go for that run and you blow off that steam or whatever it is. If a woman can see a man do that and then give him praise that he's doing that, you're going to melt that man's heart.

Speaker 2:

That man is going to have that attachment that a woman is looking for from a man Because he's feeling validated, he's feeling seen, he's feeling heard, and that men really have not had those things seen, heard or felt in a long time. I know for myself when I'm seen, when I'm heard, when I'm felt, I'll put a ring on your finger.

Speaker 1:

Now that is so beautiful because, as you were speaking, those thoughts were coming through my mind right now, and it was basically when you were seeing how he caught himself, how he held himself accountable, and nothing happens overnight and it's a process, right, and so you have to welcome that process too and understand that we're going to make mistakes. We're not perfect by any means, and one of the things with I read this book by a mom called True Love one of the big things about love in a relationship is understanding, and so that comes again with understanding that they're not going to be perfect, they're going to make mistakes. But when they find themselves accountable and they show you through their actions that they are trying to create this positive change, just even by the small, small actions that they do, it's important to say I see you, thank you. That goes such a long way, because if they're doing all the work but then you're not acknowledging that they are doing that work and you're only focusing on the things that they're not doing right, quote, unquote then they're going to see themselves as why am I doing this? Why am I trying to change for myself If I'm not?

Speaker 1:

Even they're not seeing me, they're not seeing the small changes that I'm making, and when you've gone through so much in life, it takes steps in order to get to that big part, and so I completely, completely agree with you, and my next question to you is going to be what can women do for men during this phase in their life, whether it's their brothers, friends, their significant others? But I think you pretty much answered that question before I could get to it, but is there anything else you could add that you would say to women out there? This is how you could also help men during this journey in their life.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I definitely can say to that this continue to support, continue to be patient with us and when you see us validate, that that's a big one. Someone, a sister, just actually asked me because she struggles with impatience like I do, and she contacted me and she said I know a guy that is posting about like men's work stuff and he really wants to step into that, but he's like he won't do it Anytime. I suggest like reach out to Justin, reach out to Justin, reach out to Justin. He just kind of pushes it away. And with that she asked me for my advice, what to do. And I said validate him. I said see him. I said tell him how good of a job he's doing by posting that, say I see you, I see your post, put a heart on it and like give a comment and be like you're really brave, this is really courageous.

Speaker 2:

I can't believe you're doing this work. It's so good. And I said that will tell him in an indirect way to take the next step Once that sinks in, that he feels I can do this, because he needs to tell himself he can do this and that no one else is going to do it for him. So he needs to know that he can do it and he takes that step.

Speaker 1:

And that's so important because just with me I have an older son he's 24, and he's going through that phase of learning himself right now, and he's by and no means not perfect. But who is perfect? There's nobody perfect in this world. God, we would be boring if we were perfect, you know we got to have some little bit of imperfection in us.

Speaker 1:

That's how we learn about ourselves, learn how to grow and just. We have to go through those struggles in life in order to become better beings. Those are lessons that we go through to learn, and so what I've learned with him, being a single mom of a young man, is I have to let him learn, and when he does something that it's like even if it's the smallest thing that he accomplished, I make a big party about it. I like make a big thing about it because I want him to feel that he's seen, and by me letting him feel that way, that means this is the way the outside world needs to. Also, he needs to feel that from the outside world.

Speaker 1:

You're not here to seek validation or acceptance from the outside world by any means. So I'm here to tell you that the little things that you do matter for yourself, because you're creating this change for yourself. And even if it's if he cries or if he feels something, I always let him know. You're so strong because you're feeling that feeling right now where a lot of times we grow up and man grow up believing like you can't cry, we can't feel emotions, and I think it goes back to you saying how men now are learning how to feel those feelings that they were taught so long ago that they couldn't feel and so I don't know. I appreciate you doing everything that you're doing and bringing such awareness to men and letting them see, through your hard work for yourself as well, that there's so much possibilities out there through the power of change and, just you know, grows. Thank you, you're welcome.

Speaker 2:

Something that came to me while you were speaking there. If I can add something, if I put it into perspective for anybody that's listening, men or women that are kind of tuning in and following us till the end of this is think about, try to envision a memory of a man being celebrated and it's the last time that you've seen a good man be celebrated for his birthday, for his accolade, for something that isn't. It isn't something that's just like kind of shaking hands and kissing babies. It isn't the presidential thing that you see that a man is there walking the strip. It isn't the one grabbing the award and he's got the big ego. It's not the pretty boy that's all dressed up with a suit on and his hair done and then he's got his fake tan. A good man that's been celebrated. It's probably not in your thought, it's not in your memory, it's not something that you can actually recall. So to celebrate a man is something we haven't done in a long time.

Speaker 1:

That is so powerful. And, yeah, I think it's about time that we also start celebrating men more than what we do. And that's why I'm doing this not only for women, but for men, because I think for a long time, we all only focus on the trauma that women go through. And I'm here to say that men go through a lot of trauma and a lot of times all the pain and hurt that they project to us is because of all the pain and hurt that they feel within themselves, that they just don't know how to get out of that hole 100%.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. So it's important for us to acknowledge the small steps that men do and celebrate them for those little small steps that they do, and embrace them, and if they want to cry, let them cry. You know, I think it's a beautiful way that you ended this, because I don't think men who are listening to this and women have really acknowledged that we don't celebrate as much as we should for the small accomplishments that we do for ourselves.

Speaker 2:

That's self-worth, mm-hmm.

Speaker 1:

And that's self-worth. We're always trying to find our self-worth, because once we find our self-worth, then that's it, and we're powerful, you know. And we have to be able to be able to look at ourselves and not only say it, but truly, truly believe it. Yeah so yes, thank you so much. If there's one thing I want you to end, besides that one, which is very, very powerful, what has been your biggest gain through this journey of yours?

Speaker 2:

Being able to heal with men. Women are always there Mothers, sisters, girlfriends, friends that are females. They're always there. They're the nurturers. But when you can actually be around other men as a man and have that space held for you by a man and feel okay, there's nothing like it. I'm already there's absolutely nothing like it. And men heal with men.

Speaker 1:

That's true, Brotherhead.

Speaker 2:

Yes, thank you.

Speaker 1:

Well, I've got a little secret to tell you all. You may think this is the end of an amazing episode, because it left on such a powerful note. I know it left us thinking, At least it did for me. The conversation just kept going and it can't be left unheard. The value is too important to be kept in silent. Nothing powerful is gained through silence. So stay tuned for part two of this amazing episode that will be launching on Friday, February 2nd. It will be a conversation that you will not want to miss, so make sure to subscribe so you don't miss on this amazing conversation between Justin and myself.

Speaker 1:

Thank you for connecting with me and listening to me and letting me come into your space to bring you abundance, value and awareness to the beauty that we hold within our hands to create the life that we are so worthy of living. Keep taking your time and connecting with me on this beautiful journey of life. Please subscribe and review, and don't forget to follow so you don't miss out on any of these amazing and empowering episodes. Always remember you matter. If nobody has told you today, I am here to tell you that you are enough, you are worthy and you are deserving of the best Every day that you wake up. I want you to take one moment and just look at yourself in the mirror and know that the person staring back at you is so proud of you and loves you beyond measures. You are a true warrior.