Self-Worth Revolution: Tips for your Transformational Journey

The Art of Embracing Vulnerability and Trusting Life's Journey with Justin McCarthy

• Vivian Medrano • Season 1 • Episode 10

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Have you ever stood at the edge of the ocean, letting the waves lap at your feet as you ponder the vast expanse of your own potential? I'm your host, Vivian Medrano, and in today's heart-to-heart conversation, I'm joined by the ever-insightful Justin. We unwrap the profound layers of self-worth and the transformative impact it can have not just on ourselves, but on the world around us. Our laughter-filled exchange takes you on a journey of self-discovery, where the acknowledgment of our limitations becomes the starting point for personal triumphs. We share stories that celebrate the human spirit and the power of role modeling, revealing how a simple gesture of self-appreciation can serve as a beacon for others to follow.

Do you feel weighed down by the need to control every aspect of your life? Allow us to guide you through letting go and living more spontaneously. We waltz through the wisdom of Buddhist and Taoist philosophies, embracing the beauty of impermanence, and the freedom found in trusting the unknown. Justin and I delve into the joy of simple pleasures and how they foster connections with the world and the people in it. We discuss the delicate interplay between giving and receiving, and how maintaining a balance can lead to a life filled with magic and authentic relationships.

As we tie up our heartening conversation, we shed light on the importance of self-love and healing, especially among men. With vulnerability taking the spotlight, we convey how this perceived weakness is in fact a pillar of strength that can initiate a cascade of awakening. We also remind you that the path to success and fulfillment is paved with patience and consistent action. By the time you bid us farewell, you'll be equipped with the tools to affirm your worth, celebrate your journey's milestones, and pursue your dreams with unwavering conviction. So, sit back, relax, and let's embark on an odyssey of self-empowerment and collective healing.

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The "The Self Worth Revolution" Podcast may, at times, cover sensitive topics including but not limited to suicide, abuse, violence, severe mental illnesses, sex, drugs, alcohol addiction, psychedelics and the use of plant medicines. You are advised to refrain from watching or listening to the Podcast if you are likely to be offended or adversely impacted by any of these topics. Neither The Company, The Host nor the guests shall at any time be liable for the content covered causing off...

Speaker 1:

Because if you love yourself truly and deeply, your cup will overflow and you will love other people the same and you actually learn how to love other people the same. When you serve yourself in a good way, you serve others. When you heal yourself, you're healing the people around you. So we have to take this responsibility for our own life truly and to be able to see ourselves as we look in the mirror and be okay with who we are, to have that self worth. And then, when we can, then that energy radiates to other people and then they start seeing it and they start to become curious about how did you do that? What are you doing, what are you seeing? And then they start to feed off of that and they want to be like that. We're true role models when we step into this power.

Speaker 2:

You can't imagine what a treat you are in store for. This conversation has so many twists and turns. It is a heart to heart conversation between two amazing souls sharing their stories on life, from talking about the wonders that we gained when we chose to trust our path in life instead of going fist to fist with it, to the joy it brings us to see the changes we bring to our loved ones' lives. At times, we are the catalyst people need for them to start living the life they are worthy of living. The conversation is filled with so much wisdom, laughter and gratitude. You will be loved with so many aha moments. So sit back, relax and enjoy the convoy. Are you ready? Because I am Okay, okay, okay, no more stalling. Enjoy part two between Vivian and Justin's raw footage on life.

Speaker 2:

Welcome to the Self Worth Revolution podcast hosted by Vivian Medrano. I am not only a podcaster, but a mother, a nurse, a life coach and a survivor. This podcast is about turning your pain into your power, your experiences into your lessons, and to start living a life full of abundance, inner peace and fulfillment. My higher purpose are for my listeners to find their self worth and their value by following their path to greatness we are all deserving of living our best lives. It is time to stop identifying with our past. Start living in the present for a better future. This podcast will have guest speakers that will share their stories of how they transformed their lives and found their worth. My mission is to let my listeners know this is your time to shine, to know that you are not alone. Healing is empowering. It takes courage to be vulnerable, and our voices have power. Hold on to your life, because this will be an incredible ride of self transformation, self empowerment and radical change. It is time for us to take our power back.

Speaker 1:

Galilee, I don't know. You got me. Do you want me to go over that again?

Speaker 2:

Yes, I would love for people to hear that, because I really love how you use I don't know. I've never heard of it that way and I think it's really powerful for people to know that we don't always know, and I think, the way you just said it right now we were just having this full on conversation about I love you and how people use that word so freely, but it doesn't really mean anything unless you do it with actions. But you just turned the whole thing around and made it completely something different and I love what you just said and I totally interrupted you. So go on.

Speaker 1:

The most humbling thing that I've ever found out about myself on this journey of spirituality or finding out on this search for the mystery of life, is the most powerful words that I've ever found, and people say it's. I am blank when you state yourself or I see, or I know, or I feel. It isn't the I amness, it isn't I love you. The most powerful three words that humble yourself and full surrender is I don't know, because when I really get down to it and I get into the core of everything, we say that time and reality is an illusion. So if my conscious reality is just an illusion, then I really don't know what is reality. When I look at time, I don't know what it is. When I ask myself, is there reincarnation? I believe so, but that's my belief, that's my ideology is solid, but truly I don't know. Is there God? I don't know. Do I want to believe there's God? Yeah, and do I feel it? And have I had psychedelic experiences and transcendental experiences through other means and felt like I've touched this essence of God and creation? Yes, but do I know for certain? No, and that's the most humbling thing that I've ever been able to do.

Speaker 1:

The dark slope to that is nihilism.

Speaker 1:

People fall into this nihilistic side.

Speaker 1:

And if people are watchers or believers in something like Star Wars, where you see the light in the dark and you see these different sides and you go to the dark force or light force, that's the point where they make the choice.

Speaker 1:

It's either you're going to do good in the world just because at that place of nihilism, or you go to the dark side and you become this really dark person within the world because nothing matters, because if I don't know, if nothing matters, then I just go down this dark road. But for me I got to that point where it was the void, the nothingness, and I was like, oh my God, I don't know anything and I'm never really going to know anything. All the information I gather is just is and it's actually always up for debate and change and impermanence and that's the Buddhist side as well is that everything is impermanent. So everything I believe, the thoughts and the feelings I hold on to vanish and I just don't know. And then I wait for something to happen again and then it comes and it goes and it's very humbling to be able to look and to say I don't know.

Speaker 2:

It's so beautiful because it's like I think we were talking about earlier that we didn't catch on. Recording was being spontaneous with things, because you wake up and you don't know you could create the day that you're going to create, but in actuality you're not a mind reader. You don't really know what's going to happen, but what you do know is how you're going to respond to it. That's the one thing you do know, but you don't know everything that's coming to you. So you start creating things that you want for yourself, and I think that I never thought of it that way, using that I don't know as a great positive way to look at things, because I'm able to create the world that I want, because it's like ignorance is kind of like a bliss.

Speaker 2:

You know that I don't know part, and because you don't know how things are going to be with you know the future brings, you start developing that future for yourself by living in the now, by creating the now part. Right, and so I like the way you put that. I never even thought of it that way. I'm just like geez, you're full of wisdom, just then, like what the hell? I'm like what else you got in that noggin of yours? It's endless, it's absolutely endless.

Speaker 1:

It surprises me sometimes. I've explained it to people in a group setting. We were in like an open, conscious discussion before, and as I sit there, people sometimes call it channeling or sources coming through you. Whatever that might be, is that I'm not really thinking about what I'm saying all the time, especially when I'm fully tuned into it. So this knowledge that comes through me, this wisdom, as we might call it, it just comes out of nowhere and it's things I've collected along the way and it's things that has left impressions on my mind.

Speaker 1:

And if we allow ourselves to spontaneously act with a good intention behind this way, we really start to move through life effortlessly and it becomes what in the Taoism calls the Tao. It's the way and it's just as beautiful. This Wu Wei is called, and it's just this beautiful movement with the stream. And when we start to cling to the sides of the shores or the rocks within the currents, that's when the resistance and the tug starts to happen. But if we're just the leaf that just floats and goes in through the stream, we're flowing with life and that is the spontaneity of living. And that's when things become beautiful and we'd stop judging things as bad or good or negative or positive, it just all is. And yeah, it's a really beautiful thing when we can get to that place.

Speaker 2:

It's such a beautiful thing to let go of control, because that's what it is really. It's like you don't control everything in life because controlling is so stressful. Having to do this at this time Wait, that time went, wait, no, it's like, hey, to just live life and let it go as it comes to you. Not everything needs to be set in stone. I love living like that because it's like if I want to get up and leave, I want to go up and go to a hike. Oh, it's not eight o'clock in the morning, wait, it's five, I'm still going to go.

Speaker 2:

I'm just going to know I'm going to bring a flashlight with me and I'm going to be out there in the dark and a couple of snacks. You know it's going to get cold, I'm still going to go. I love being spontaneous. Sometimes I'm like, wait, I want to go to Big Bear. So Big Bear is the mountain that we have over here, and I'm like I want to go feel what it is to be up there and I'll just literally look up a room. I'm like, okay, I'm going to go and I go Like it's not planned, and I think non-planning things bring so much more happiness to you, because you don't have this thing of expectations.

Speaker 2:

You're expecting this in life, because a lot of times, when you put so many expectations, when things you also start creating, where you're going to be upset with yourself, you're going to lose hope with yourself too, because not everything that you expect in life is going to come out as how you planned it to be. So, because it's not coming out how you planned it to be, then you start to have self doubt on yourself and you start feeling, well, I'm just not going to try anything at all, because everything that I try doesn't work out. No, it's because you're just not letting it go. You're not letting it have freedom within itself to come into your life the way it's supposed to be just organically come into your life.

Speaker 2:

You're forcing everything and that's not the way life is supposed to be, and that's opposed to force everything in life to happen. Let it happen for you, let it come to you in a healthy way and in no will, and you'll be surprised how much happier you are, not having so much control in the life that you think that you need to live it this way because this is what you were told you were supposed to do. I know.

Speaker 1:

There's a whole part of attachments to that, and one of the four agreements in Miguel Ruiz Jr's book of Toltec Wisdom is to drop the attachments right. Not no expectation, no outcome.

Speaker 1:

And then he does another book about the levels of attachment, the five levels of attachment. When you really get in to see these different levels of attachment, it's exactly what you're talking about. It's attachment to outcome or expectation of that outcome. And when we can drop that, like the spontaneous action of our life can become something beautiful. But it is this fear of the unknown in spontaneity that keeps people back from it. So it's everything underlying and that's another Buddhist teaching as well Everything underlines and underpins, which is fear. Fear is like the root of everything when you dig down through the layers.

Speaker 1:

It's always fear. It's fear of not being good enough, it's fear of the outcome, it's fear of uncertainty, it's fear of lack, it's fear of whatever. That is the scarcity is fear, so it's always. That's the root of everything that's there. But to be able to, if you give somebody the golden ticket to do whatever they want to do and you say you can have and do anything you want to do, within two weeks they would be bored because they would have, like their Mai Tai come to them at the same time every day and they would have. They'd be on the beach and they'd have the partner that they want it and they'd do this and they'd do that in the car and all that stuff and they'd snap their fingers and have whatever they want it. The expectation of what they want would come true.

Speaker 1:

And if that actually happened, it wouldn't be, we wouldn't be happy, there would be no joy, there would be no bliss, it would be very short lived. And it's a way that we live with. Our pleasures of materials today is that we have a lot of options and accessibility. We all live like kings in the Western world and we have beautiful things, we have TVs, like you have over, and we have these things of entertainment and like prestige, and we have flowing water from the tap and hot shower, and I've spent the last two years living most of my time, almost full time, in a converted school bus and not having flowing water or hot water on demand, not having a shower or a proper toilet these things I started to appreciate more and I started to recognize the luxury of what these things are like.

Speaker 2:

A hot shower.

Speaker 1:

And today it's really implanted into my mind that every time I get in the hot shower I'm like, oh nice, it's just beautiful. And that also comes from being in the military as well. Like getting a hot shower is like it's such a beautiful thing and anybody that's gotten to a hot bath and loves the feeling of that, I get that. With every shower I have at the gym, at like public showers, it doesn't matter, I'm in there and I'm like, oh, this feels so good, I just love it right now. And so this appreciation, this deep presence, with the appreciation of these little things, we can do with even being mindful of watching the dishes, if we choose, if we actually take the moment to be present instead of trying to rush through the dishes and get these done, so I can, I can.

Speaker 1:

I want to get these done, so I can relax. Why not relax while doing the dishes?

Speaker 1:

and work, that's opus. 100% is if you can do that and I'm not saying that I'm great at this, I'm just saying contextually I know this and I know that I know better. Right, I'm old enough to know better. I know that I fall short on this stuff we all do. But the practice is the work, to continue to do it, and the more we practice, the better we get at it, like anything, yeah, I mean, I'm going to be honest.

Speaker 2:

I love to wash the dishes. I put on my music and I just like literally well, I wash my dishes. Ask me how I set my dishwasher up. I'm not a polydry people crazy, because I don't. I'm not organized at putting the dishwasher together. I just put the dishes in there and I never grew up with the dishwasher.

Speaker 2:

So people are like do you not use your dishwasher? Yeah, it dries my dishes as I wash them. I'm not used to having a dishwasher. People, when you grow up and no dishwasher, guess what you do? You wash your own dishes, so that's what I've grown up doing. So this is like measuring to me to have a dishwasher that I choose not to use except to dry my dishes. So, yeah, so it's like it's so nice to be able to like everything that I do.

Speaker 2:

Now I do so mindfully, even going to bed or making my bed. I'm so mindful, as how I make my bed or how I go to sleep, I have my little ritual. I have to say my gratitude for the night of how my day went and what I'm grateful for and how I ended my day. It's just the simple things. Like I go outside instead of just listening to things. I'm really mindful. That's like, oh, I just heard that child laughing, that's so nice. Or like, oh, here are other people's having like their conversations and it's just so nice. I was just so in tune with myself that I forgot what the outside world felt like, and it's like there's just so much beauty. So I always think I'm so thankful for not being able to only listen to what my body's going through, but also to be able to listen to what others are going through and to like what the beauty around us is like just the wind hitting your face. Just sit there and you just feel the wind hit your face. It just feels so freaking amazing.

Speaker 1:

Unless you're up here and it's minus 11 degrees Celsius.

Speaker 1:

And now I know I went there today trying to do exactly that. So I went for a hike this morning. So two months ago I moved into this place and I'm only here short term over the winter, just so I can do kind of this work. And I said when I got here there's a national park 30 minutes away and I was like I'm going to go do all the hikes every Sunday, take my dog and get out. Last Sunday was the first time, so it was a month and a half later. It was the first time I went out on the Sunday and didn't work. I said I'm shutting my computer down, I'm not looking at my screen, I'll just take some videos, whatever, and I'm not answering anything or going on social media.

Speaker 1:

So I did that last Sunday and we did a long hike and today we went and it's colder today, but beautiful day, it was sunny and I was standing there and everything is icing over up there, like all the little inlets and everything. And so I look at it and I'm like, oh, it's creating a beautiful hockey rink, maybe from Canada classic. And I stand there and the wind is just bitter and it's just like smacking me in the face and I'm like this is hard to enjoy, sometimes because it's so cold. I was like I'm trying to like enjoy this with a smile on. I'm like it's really enjoyable, except for this cold wind, and I'm like it's very interesting being alive.

Speaker 2:

We're so spoiled. So last winter was really really cold and I love to go to the beach and I just wanted to go to the beach and so I told myself I'm going to go to the beach. And so I went to the beach and it's freezing and so I have like everything. I think that I need to be at the beach on a freezing day, so I take my journal and I'm journaling and everything, and it's cold and I'm sitting there and I'm like it's cold over here but I'm still going to do what I came here to do. So the sunset was the most majestic sunset that I've seen in a long time. It was so bright, it was coming down and as it was coming down it just illuminated the whole ocean Like orange and like the brightness like made me look up because it was so bright, but I usually sit out there and enjoy the moon and the stars.

Speaker 2:

No, as soon as that sun went, down I was like I'm packed, I'm done, I'm ready, I'm out. I was like this is cold. I had a blanket, I had a jacket, I had everything. No, none of that stuff worked. We are spoiled. Because I don't need to be churly, because I was like I can't do this, my hands are trembling. I was like, oh my God, this is so bad. So I understand what you say, but yours is a little bit worse. Okay, yours is like negative.

Speaker 1:

It's more of a test. It's a test to be present and grateful for what we have. So when summer comes around and I've never lived a full year in a warm climate and I've always dreamed to do that, the thing that I question myself as well I become complacent with the enjoyability of the warm weather.

Speaker 1:

And I wonder what that's like for people that like live in Central America or around the equator or somewhere between the tropics and they have this beautiful weather, this beautiful tempered weather all year round and monsoon season is the only other season they get. And so, like, when I think about that, I was like I really appreciate summer, like when summer comes, I just went to Grand Cayman in the first or second week of September and I went down there and it was like 36 degrees and then plus humidity, and like everybody is sweating and I'm sitting out there in a chair just sweating on a beach and everybody's like aren't you uncomfortable? I was like I love this, I absolutely love this. I'm just soaked, I'm sweating, and I go jump in the ocean and I come back in my shade and I'm like this is amazing. Like so hot, so sticky, so like just the sun is just beating down, my feet are on fire or running across the sand and I was like I love this.

Speaker 1:

I was like now I'm going to go home and spend four months of cold winter. And the other thing about that is like I look at people doing cold plunges as they become very trendy over the years, and I see people with palm trees in the back getting in their cold tubs and I'm like that must be nice. I'm going to go break this ice out here on the river and I'm going to get in that and then walk 500 meters back in my bare feet in the snow in the middle of January and it's minus 15 outside. I was like that's a cold plunge.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, no, I couldn't do it. I have not gone into that trend. I can't do it. I can't. I don't know if my mind could lead me there, and I know they say it's all a mind thing and I'm just like I believe you, I can't do that cold weather. I just can't do that cold water. It's just the thought of it, I can't do it. And as you're like talking about understanding the value of things, yes, I'm from California and, yes, I'm blessed with a lot of weather, but you'd be surprised how many people here take it for granted.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Living here in California, I honestly feel, because we have everything here. Sometimes that means, when you're given everything in life, certain things are taken from granted. And, like me, I love to go to the beach and I'll drive in traffic and go to the beach, and every day that I go to the beach is a new day, it's a new sunset, and the reason I do this is because there's so many people out there that don't get this opportunity to do it. And I do so since I'm able to do it and I'm able to take that opportunity to it. Why am I gonna take it for granted?

Speaker 2:

I don't know what tomorrow is gonna bring me, so I'm going to do it and I'm gonna sit in that traffic and guess what? That traffic is not gonna bother me. I'm gonna put on a podcast and I'll put on audio book, I'll put on whatever. I'll even sit in silence and I'm okay because I know that, being where I'm getting to, it's an opportunity to just be with peace and I and I love that I'd love to go anywhere where I know I'm gonna be able to create a state of Peace for myself and so, like right now you're saying I was sitting there in the sun. I don't know how many times I sit out there too, and I every day that I sit there, I'm just like I'm so thankful that I get to enjoy this.

Speaker 2:

I don't know many people who could do this you know yeah even here in California there's some people that just can't go to the beach because they just can't For whatever reasons transportation work, whatever that's holding them back. And if I'm able to do it, then I say, go for it. And I think that's how we have to live life. Things are given to us, they're there, they exist. Go for it, do it. You know, just like with life, there's so many things are wonderful in life. Don't let the past hold you back. Don't let everything that you went through hold you back, because those are just tools that you need to live now. That's all they are. Just take them as tools.

Speaker 2:

What can I learn from what I went through? What can I learn to not do that again? Because if we keep Living this life where you're just stagnant and not moving anywhere, you're gonna be bored and I forget where it was, that I've heard it or read it. But what people miss the most when they pass away is the time they could have spent with their loved ones, the things that they could have done for themselves. Those are the regrets that they have. Why would you want to go and Leave this world and have those regrets? So that's when people say oh, you're gonna drive that far. Yeah, it's worth it. To me it's worth it because those are priceless moments that I can't take back.

Speaker 2:

Yeah you know, and so yeah. So even though you were freezing today, I'm sure it felt good to be outside, and then you just came running back in.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I seen a, I seen two eagles, I seen bear bear prints and Deer tracks. I Seem, yeah, I seem like, a ton of wildlife up in the park and it was great and or tracks or signs of Like. I'm very thankful and I really, yeah, I needed that walk today and that hike today and I really felt that I needed it and when I went up there I did my gratitude and Did all my thanking of the trees and nature and like what I seen. And and then I really like loved on my dog While I was there, like because he's happy, he loves doing it out and being hiking, he doesn't care that it's minus 11 out there, there's snow on the ground. Like, yeah, he's in for it and he's like he's always a dude. That's like just like let's do it, let's go. Like there we go. He's never like I don't want to do this today. He's always, he's always in, he's a yes man. It's nice to feed off of that energy and get out and do it and If we have that intuition and that want, I try to encourage everybody to do it.

Speaker 1:

I even challenged my grandparents and both my grandmothers are Are very much at that age where, yeah, they're a bit feeble and fragile and and things, but they still, I still see life in them. And I I challenged them like intellectually or mentally with hard questions and I know nobody else does and so like I really make them think, I make them like pause and think. When I asked them certain questions and Even my grandmother this summer I said what would you like to do? I said if money was no option, and you were feeling great. I was like what would you like to do? And she's like I'd like to go see my sister in Ontario and then my other sister in Alberta. And I said why don't you do that? And she said well, I don't know. I said no excuses. I said you're not getting any younger and she just laughs. And she just laughed they're loud.

Speaker 1:

And I was like Would you like me to take some time and go with you? I said I'd be happy to and and I said she said no, I don't know, I don't like flying. I get really like my stomach upset and everything. And I was like I get it. I was like, but would that be worth taking on to see your sisters? And and she's like Maybe. And she's like, well, what about your grandfather? Like he's waiting for surgery. And I was like he's fine by himself, he takes care of himself all the time, he takes care of you. I was like I'll take care of you and we'll go on that trip. I said there's no excuses. I said, do you want to go see your sisters? And but she just had her reasons right.

Speaker 1:

And but I challenged her on that, I made her think about it and come to that conclusion that, like, the only person holding her back is her, even at her age, and and there's ways to get around that. So what do we want to endure and what do we want to take on and in our challenges of life, to be able to live the life that we want to live and that we deserve to live? And we have to take those things on, and Sometimes we we think it's gonna be this way and we stop ourselves from doing it, but quite often it actually doesn't turn out that way at all. You, you go do it and you put your best foot forward and it turns out totally different than you expected could have. And and that that's spontaneity, that's living just in the moment and going for it, right like shooting for the stars and land on the moon Not bad landing on the moon.

Speaker 2:

No, it's true.

Speaker 2:

It's completely true, because I do the same thing with my mom.

Speaker 2:

My mom could be very negative in the way that she thinks of things sometimes, and I love her dearly, and she does not intentionally do it at all. I don't think she's conscious that she does it sometimes, but sometimes I have a way of just Kind of like telling my mom okay, mom, how about if you thought of it this way and didn't think of it like I can't do something, and you thought of it like how can I do that? You know, because sometimes, mom, when you put yourself in a position of you can't do anything, you start believing you're not capable of it. But if you tell yourself that you can do it and how will you do it, you will find means and ways to get through it and do it. I'm like because your mindset Tells you what you're capable of doing. So you need to turn that around, mom, and make it into something more positive, because you could do all those things. You may not be able to walk five miles, but you could still do a mile of it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah you know. So I'm just like so now she's actually become really great, because when we having a conversation and then she'll think of seeing something that's not positive and she'll be like, oh no, no, no, no, I mean it this way. I'm like mom, you're doing so good. Oh, my god, I see mom. And then she'll send me like stuff on Instagram and she's so great, I love her. She'll send me stuff on Instagram and it's like I know she's listening, because she's like looking up positive things or how to say things Positive. And I'm just like, oh god, I love it.

Speaker 2:

Because a lot of people think it's like our parents are sitting their ways. It's like, no, listen to us too. You know, they love to listen to us. They want to feel seen, they want to feel like you're engaging them and whatever you're doing.

Speaker 2:

A lot of times we Look at our parents or look at our grandparents, or those are like an old person sitting there and capable of doing things. And I'm just like, no, my mom's capable of doing everything that she wants to do and I believe in her and I know it. So I'm going to show her that she's capable of doing it, because if I hold her back, she's gonna hold herself back. But if I show her, hey, mom, let's go on this hike, that's what she does. She puts on her shoes, she's ready to go on this hike. She doesn't think about her aches and pains, she, she just remembers the wonderful things that she did out there that she probably wouldn't have done if she would have thought that she couldn't do it.

Speaker 2:

And so I think we need to stop also seeing like the people around us is not Wanting to help us too. A lot of times we want to do things by ourselves, right, and it's like, just like you helped your grandma look through that phase, and she's still probably thinking about it. We'll see what she decides to do. But who knows, I need to know the end of that story. I didn't know whether she really did come visit her sister, but we need to know when it it's okay for us to ask for help.

Speaker 1:

Yes yeah. Yeah, having a bit of humility. To ask for help is difficult. It's difficult for men To ask for help and to ask for directions, the old saying Directions right, that is asking for help. And then there's the other side of that coin is receiving compliments, or gifts.

Speaker 1:

Along those lines and we have a difficult time receiving. So Giving we're all really good givers there's a lot of good givers out there, and people pleasers probably more so than givers and we are expected to give, like Christmas or birthdays or holidays or events or certain times of Rites of passage or coming of age. We give things, but to receive, to receive a compliment, to receive a gift to, to receive a donation or money. Sometimes people are hard to do that, so I picked up on this a couple years ago and I ended up Starting to recognize it in myself and then I started to recognize it and a lot of other people. So in Canada we're very nice, so everybody says Canadians are very nice and we all say sorry all the time, like it's an, like we are Inconveniencing somebody and this is a cultural thing. Is that Canadians will be like oh, sorry, oh sorry, like, oh, got me away, sorry, and instead of like being like oh, didn't see you there, right, we're like we apologize for being us, for being in the way, for being here. That's one thing. The other one is that we hold doors for each other and I'm sure you do it down in California too. You see somebody hold the door for you and they say thank you, and I would respond don't worry about it, instead of saying you're welcome, right? So we discredit somebody else from giving to thank you by not receiving and giving the response back of you're welcome.

Speaker 1:

And that's just a very simple one. There's a lot of times that people want to pay us or they want to give us something. If we give them something, they want to give something back, and so we deny that. A lot of the times they say no, no, no, it's okay, you keep your money, don't worry about it. When people offer me money now I take it and I look at it and I say I really appreciate this, thank you, and they light up because appreciation is actually a higher vibration than gratitude. Gratitude is singular, but when you show appreciation, you move gratitude outwards and it becomes a higher vibration that continues on.

Speaker 2:

I love that. I know we were having this conversation earlier how it was really hard for me to accept words of kindness or like when somebody did something nice to me or for me, it was like I guess it's also like what do you want to return? Kind of deal. Sometimes people have that in mind. I don't have that in mind. I just huh, right.

Speaker 2:

It's like you go up and like, wait, why are you giving me this? Am I supposed to give something in return? Wait, what's going on here, you know, but it's like I am learning how to say you just thank you, because a lot of times we don't just say thank you, we say thank you and then we want to give back, and a lot of times people don't want something back. They're really just saying kind words to you or giving you a gift because they want to give it to you from the bottom of their heart. And when you're replacing it with something else and they're not really doing what they were out there to do for you, which was making you feel happy and making you feel seen, you're taking that away from them. And so now I'm learning to just say thank you and that's it.

Speaker 2:

I leave it alone, which has become really, really hard for me, because I'm a giver and I was a people pleaser and I'm still learning. You know that part of me, and so I was always giving and now I'm just like it's time for me to receive, and it's nice because it is a giving and receiving, but there's boundaries to it, like there's. You have to know how to do it in a healthy way. You just can't be giving, giving, giving and then you just receive one thing. No, it's an equal thing, and so that's what I've been doing, and so it's a nice feeling to just say thank you and I'd have to give something back in return. You know it's nice to accept compliments.

Speaker 1:

There's a cool story that I heard talking about giving and receiving. So there's the law of abundance and if you look into the universal laws and dive really deep into the metaphysics of them, they're pretty profound and to practice these is very much out of the way that we have been conditioned. But there's this story that this gentleman, he said my mission and the thing that I'm doing for the next I think it was three to five years is to out give the universe. So I'm gonna out give the universe from giving to me, like when I receive, and I will receive with generosity or with the openness and I'm gonna give. I'm just gonna give them. I can't give anymore.

Speaker 1:

And after three years they re-interviewed them and he's like oh my God, he's like I could not keep up. He's like that stuff was just getting showered at me and he's like I was trying to give things away and I was trying to do stuff for people and he's like my whole life just became giving. And he's like I feel so good but at the same time I almost feel burned out, that I like just there was just so much. He's like so I had to actually like taper back of what I was doing and balance my life out, to like take care of myself. He's like because the more I gave, the more that came. And he's like it was. He's like I didn't believe it could be so big the law of abundance and the law of attraction. And he said.

Speaker 1:

But when I actually started testing it and got my momentum going with giving, he said it just did not stop. My phone would ring off the hook, I'd have emails, I'd have these offers, I'd have all this stuff. And he's like I couldn't stop it from flowing in. It's like I'd turn one tap on and give away and another one would just come on through the other side.

Speaker 2:

It's like you're manifesting you know, that, all that greatness coming to you by just bringing value to other people, by bringing joy to other people, then that just naturally comes back to you and it's like it's a beautiful cycle. But, like you said, it's like when you receive so much and you've never received it before, it's like it's the opposite of fact. It's like, oh my God, like I've never received this much greatness in my life. It's like what do I do with all this? I mean, you know it's a great feeling, but at the same time you're learning how to adapt to it.

Speaker 2:

And it's like, it's nice, like I felt that way, like growing and changing my way of thinking and changing like just the way I see life in general. Things just gravitated to me just effortlessly and it just I've been getting really just, and it's not all material things, but it's just the people who've come into my life and the value they've brought into my life. As a nurse I give a lot and lately my patients have been giving back to me and that's been such a beautiful feeling to know that I'm not only giving to them but they're bringing me so much value in just the way that they appreciate me and, like you just said, appreciation, right, and so it's beautiful. Yeah, this world needs so much of that. It's just it's getting there little by little. It's getting there.

Speaker 1:

As long as it's our reality. It's like we really truly do live in our own reality of the energy that we emanate from us and if we have that aura of beautiful white light, as people say. But to take the woo-woo out of it is like if you have good energy, if you are in a positive mindset and I don't mean just like forcing yourself there, but just having a perspective on life like things are good, things are going my way, things are actually happening Like coworker versus you and the mentality going into the client, going into the patient and going in there. What energy you bring into that room is felt by that other person. And if somebody has a very heavy pain, body or negative energy within them and they go in, they aggravate that or bring it in and bring that out in the other person.

Speaker 1:

But if you go in there with this beautiful thing. Going in, that person still might be stuck in the mud and they might be negative, but it doesn't affect you.

Speaker 2:

it doesn't penetrate, it bounces off, it's like it just naturally.

Speaker 1:

But it does give the opportunity for them to change or get the reflection like, oh, this person actually isn't out to get me and I can be good, I can feel good and maybe that does brighten their day or switch something on.

Speaker 1:

But yeah, there's so much out there like I feel like I wanna go out and socialize now but I'm not going to. It's like it's getting in the middle of the night and it's Sunday, but yeah, I think about it. Like I need more connection in my life, like it really dawns on me that I need more connection and less isolation, because I think I've done enough work and where I continue to thrive is in connection. Like even just having this conversation is where I start to gain better perspective on life, rather than sitting in my mind and my thoughts all the time ruminating about like there's something in the universe I don't know, and then I just go down this rabbit hole in my own thoughts or trying to figure out my own business and how to be better and how to serve better. But it's when I'm actually serving that I'm actually serving better.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, well, that's because you also are able to see whether the work that you're doing for yourself, it's actually connecting with others because, you need to know how you're going to respond to when others think differently than what you think.

Speaker 2:

Or maybe somebody may bring on a trigger and it's gonna show you that by being in that environment, you're able to know that you're responding in a more healthier way, and that's the only way that you're gonna be able to see all the growth that you've done for yourself. And we could all sit in this safety place and choose not to interact with others, because now we're safe and nobody could hurt us. Ben, we don't grow by just. It's okay to be on your own when you're first learning to heal and figuring yourself out, but then, once you step over that, you really need to learn to be able to connect with others and be able to welcome others into your life. The hardest part is when you heal is dropping that wall and letting others into your space, because you work so hard on yourself that you don't want anybody to disrupt that energy. You don't want anybody to disrupt that space. But in reality, because you've worked so hard on yourself, you're going to know now how to respond and walk away when something doesn't suit you, and that's the beauty of it. You're not going to respond. You're not going to react the way you would have before, because you're not in that space anymore. You're in a healthier space.

Speaker 2:

So it's like and nobody talks about that what it is to interact with others after your healing, because now you're not just welcoming anybody into your life, you're very selective on who comes into your life. But I do feel that, as humans, we do need that connection, because if we don't have that connection for ourselves, then how are we going to be able to grow? We can't grow. How are we going to be able to grow? We can't. And so I think that that's important. As humans, we need that human connection with one another in order to find out what works, what doesn't work. And, yeah, it's time for you to go out there and socialize too. I think that during this journey of growth, we become so comfortable being alone, and that's why it's so hard for us to let anybody be in a relationship with, whether it friendships, whether it be a significant other, even our own family and so I think it's important for people to know out there that during your healing journey, yes, be alone, but not forever, like you're going to have to welcome people into your life.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, that's the old Yogi in the cave Like you don't stay in the cave forever and one of the. I'm not a Buddhist, like an ordained Buddhism in Buddhism, but I've taken the oath myself to be a Buddhist Advah. So what that is is somebody that has been able to get to a point of finding and attaining enlightenment, but choosing to come back and reduce the suffering in the world by way of service to others. And so I've taken this way, and when people ask me like, well, what do you, where do you see yourself with spirituality, I tell them on the Buddhist Advah, and they say, well, what's, what is that? If they don't know? So I explain it to them. And I've never felt so full in my life and been able to feel that I'm actually doing something well as I have been, by serving and seeing the reactions of others as they're feeling and the way that they're feeling and that brings me so much joy and I tell people to in a good way.

Speaker 1:

So in native traditions up here we say we say finish what you're saying and say in a good way.

Speaker 1:

So you do something in a good way. And I say be selfish, be as radically selfish as you can in a good way, and that will be the most selfless that you could ever be in your in your life. Because if you love yourself truly and deeply, your cup will overflow and you will love other people the same and you actually learn how to love other people the same. When you serve yourself in a good way, you serve others. When you heal yourself, you're healing the people around you. So we have to take this responsibility for our own life truly and to be able to see ourselves as we look in the mirror and be okay with who we are, to have that self work and then, when we can, then that energy radiates to other people and then they start seeing it and they start to become curious about how did you do that, what are you doing, what are you seeing? And then they start to feed off of that and they want to be like that. We're true role models when we step into this power.

Speaker 2:

I know, and I'm sure, that when you do your retreats with these men who have gone through so much, for them to feel that sense of vulnerability and that sense of safety, with all of you coming together. As a man who this was not considered the norm, it must feel so amazing for you to be able to see their growth and for you to be able to see them let go and to actually like just feel how it feels for them, not to only like hold their chest up right, but to be able to like just feel free and let go and say I'm going to be okay. Like for you as a man and for the man that you are helping, it must feel so amazing because they're carrying so much pain inside them for years and nobody's told them it's okay to let that pain go. You don't need to live in that pain anymore. You know you could create the life that you want for yourself free of that pain, and you have taught them that it's okay to love yourself through that pain.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and I would correct that last part just because I want people to understand that I'm not teaching them anything is that I'm showing them? It's okay by leading the example.

Speaker 1:

But when I have a man embraced in a hug and I tell him that I see him or that I love him, and I tell him, brother, and we are embraced in a very tight embrace of an intimate hug, and I feel him melt and let go in my hands and just wait, or just let everything slide, or they hear them say for the first time that this was my trauma or this was the thing that it held, and then let them feel that feeling out of them to witness them and tell them that you see them. It's like there's there's so much power in that and there's so much like just beauty to see a man open up in this way and and to know that's okay and to allow this out.

Speaker 1:

It's going to be it's not going to be a fast transition and people like we're going to like spiritually go to FODD next two years like I'm sorry. I don't believe that this is. This is a lot of generations of suppressed emotions for men, and men are really really starting to open up and there's going to be a torrent of these emotions and everything is going to be a wave. It really will be a tidal wave of spiritual awakening for men and they're stepping up to want to do the work.

Speaker 1:

And who does dirty work? Men go deep into dirty work. So, yeah, I think we got a lot of there's. I have a lot of optimism for it. The thing I bang my head against is like how to do it more effectively, faster with production, and like and I'm trying to be patient with it at the same time, no, nothing great comes fast. No, exactly nothing. Good right, it comes fast. But that's where I get caught up in my own stuff. And because I'm so eager, I'm just like. I'm like this is it?

Speaker 2:

this is it. We're here like everybody's here so I've been running around.

Speaker 1:

I feel like I'm the person that just came off the the mount and I was like have you heard the good word? I'm like the person that's like knocking at your door and just be like have you heard? But yeah, people aren't ready for that.

Speaker 2:

Remember one person that you touch, the life that you helped like for them to realize the life that they're worthy of living. It's one more person that you had yesterday. You know your people are there, they're gonna come to you. You're not gonna have to force it, you're not gonna have to like switch. It's gonna come to you naturally and when you least expect it it's gonna be there, so you don't need to rush into it. It's gonna naturally flow with you and you're gonna do great, like it's already doing great. You had a couple of retreats already and you're already bringing the awareness that it's needed out there. And that's what's important and because there needs to be more awareness out there, especially for men.

Speaker 2:

So yeah mm-hmm and so happy that we continue to connect and this was like more raw and yeah, it's gonna be amazing, you're gonna do great. So you know there's no instant gratification. Just keep that in mind. Nothing comes great. I mean, you're into fitness. You know how long did it take you to get a fit body? It didn't happen overnight. Okay, it's not instant gratification.

Speaker 1:

Everything that's great, you just woke up like this right if that was so easy, you just put a wand.

Speaker 2:

Okay, I want the fat out of there, out of there out of there.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, thank you very much.

Speaker 2:

There's this thing that my mom's sending okay, I need to share it really quick, it's a meme and it says I hope I get it right. It says I've been a man. I oh geez, how did it go? I've been going to, I've been a member of the gym for six months now. I do not know what is going on. I do not know what is wrong. I'm gonna have to go into the gym and find out what the problem is. He's never gone into the gym, he's only been a member of the gym, and so when she sent me that, I was like, oh my God, this is so funny because that's what people do.

Speaker 1:

How many?

Speaker 2:

people out there actually have a membership to anything and they don't ever fulfill it. They just get a membership. So it's kind of like right now you know that you wanna do changes in life, you know that you wanna create these changes in life, so what's holding you back? That's the question.

Speaker 1:

That is the question, a million dollar question, what's? Yeah? And it's really like I look at all the different aspects and angles of it and I'm like there's some sort of like I'm pushing and forcing and it's like there's so much I'm doing but it's almost like I have to not do and it comes and it's like it's so hard to figure out like how to do that, how to just let go and just there, it is right. And yeah, it's like I try to say I'm a big, I really try to look into manifestation and a lot of attraction and try to figure out like how to like pull that into myself and logically in my head I'm like if I don't do anything, if I don't make any posts, if I don't tell people what I'm doing, how will it come to me?

Speaker 1:

How will people know it's out there if I don't broadcast it? Right? It's like maybe there's another broadcasting method that I'm not using, which is like just conscious thought or emotional feeling and that's a big part of law of attraction is getting into the thought and feeling, resonance of where you want to be, and so you start to feel what it would feel like if you were there already and you've accomplished the thing that you've accomplished, and to keep embodying that. And keep embodying that it's already yours, Everything is one. It's already yours. It's just out there and you're attracting it to you into your field and so, like trying to like look at that. I'm like turn off turn off.

Speaker 2:

I know I'm totally in there. I know what I have to do, I know I need to believe that I already have what it's intended for me and it's there just waiting for me and anything. That's where we need to stop controlling things and not forcing anything and trusting that everything that we have in our path means that it's going to lead us to there. And so and that's the whole thing that we have to manifest we just have to manifest knowing that whatever we're doing in the now, it's already created for us. It's there waiting for us. And so you're doing everything I mean you still, it doesn't mean that you just sit back and do nothing. No, it just means whatever you're doing in the now, it's to create what's already there in the future, and that's what you're doing. You're doing everything now, so it's gonna happen.

Speaker 1:

Your brother is not worrying about the fact that he's gonna eat some like prime rib roast or something like later on this evening.

Speaker 2:

I know he's not thinking about it.

Speaker 1:

He's just like, it's just gonna be there and I'm gonna fill my belly with it.

Speaker 2:

He sure is, because his sister's gonna cook it. I need a sister.

Speaker 1:

That's exactly what a sister is.

Speaker 2:

His sister's gonna be the one cooking it. Alrighty. Well, talking about prime rib, I do have to get going.

Speaker 1:

I need to let it out. Okay, I've taken up enough of it.

Speaker 2:

No, no, this has been amazing great conversation. I always enjoy great conversations, especially speaking about self-worth and knowing that we are enough as who we are, accepting that we're enough even through what we went through, that what we went through does not identify who we could become, and so I love having these conversations. I could go on forever with these conversations, so you did not hold me back. It's okay. The food is there. It's not that way. It's three o'clock over here and it's seven over there.

Speaker 2:

I've seen the sun go down and the moon go up.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it is a full moon tonight.

Speaker 2:

It is. It's a full moon tonight, so it's a time of letting go and sending you new intentions.

Speaker 1:

Yep Exactly.

Speaker 2:

Alrighty, it was a pleasure. It was a pleasure.

Speaker 1:

Okay, we will connect.

Speaker 2:

You're welcome. Bye, have a good one. Thank you for taking your time and connecting with me on this beautiful journey of life. Please subscribe and review, and don't forget to follow so you don't miss out on any of these amazing and empowering episodes. Always remember you matter. If nobody has told you today, I am here to tell you that you are enough, you are worthy and you are deserving of the best. Every day that you wake up, I want you to take one moment and just look at yourself in the mirror and know that the person staring back at you is so proud of you and loves you beyond measures. You are a true warrior.