Ep. 11: Slowing Down to Heal from Chronic Fatigue and Chronic Pain with Hannah Darby

In this episode we’re joined by Hannah Darby, a therapist and Reiki master who shares her inspiring journey of living with invisible illnesses, including IBS, chronic back pain, and ME/CFS. Hannah opens up about the emotional and physical challenges she’s faced, the grief associated with chronic conditions, and how these experiences redirected her path toward healing and helping others. She discusses practical strategies like pacing, gratitude journaling, and mindfulness, as well as the importance of finding supportive communities. Tune in to hear her empowering insights on turning adversity into purpose and creating a sustainable, fulfilling life while navigating invisible conditions.
Key Takeaways:

1. Living with Invisible Illnesses:
   • Invisible illnesses such as IBS, chronic back pain, ME/CFS, and trauma can significantly impact life despite not being physically visible.
2. The Emotional Impact:
   • Stress and emotional states heavily influence symptoms of invisible illnesses.
   • Grief plays a significant role, including grieving the person you once were or the life you imagined.
3. Journey of Healing and Transformation:
   • Hannah’s experience with grief, trauma, and invisible illnesses led her to discover alternative healing methods, such as Reiki and heart healing therapy.
   • Her path highlights the importance of slowing down, practicing self-care, and focusing on daily wins, even in challenging circumstances.
4. Practical Tips for Managing Invisible Conditions:
   • Physical Practices: Incorporating Pilates, daily stretches, and pacing can improve physical health and reduce symptom flares.
   • Mindset Shifts: Gratitude journaling and focusing on small wins help maintain a positive outlook.
   • Pacing: Stopping activities before exhaustion sets in and taking adequate rest are critical.
   • Community Support: Finding online communities and support groups can combat the isolation of invisible illnesses.
5. Navigating Relationships:
   • Maintaining supportive relationships and planning energy use around social activities can help preserve physical and emotional well-being.

Connect with Hannah:
https://healingwithhannah.co.uk/
https://www.facebook.com/hannahsdarby 
https://www.instagram.com/healingwithhannahd/

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Previous Intro and Outro music: Inspirational Acoustic - Organic Harmony by Sonican; and Andrii Poradovskyi from Pixabay.  Current music: levgen Poltavskyi from Pixabay.  
Disclaimer: This content is general in nature and intended for educational purposes only.  It is not deemed as psychological treatment and does not replace the advice from your health professional or need for psychological treatment.  

Transcript

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Welcome to the Sustainable Success Series, the podcast where my mission is to transform the worlds of those living with invisible conditions, supporting them to become their biggest advocates, begin to heal and make sustainable changes to get back being too busy living. We explore sustainable success in health relationships and business. We raise awareness and we relatable stories from people just like you. Driven visionary people who dream of more for their life without sacrificing their health. or being stuck behind those invisible chains. Plus, the insights, knowledge and know how from those in the field. I'm your host, Nicky Moran. I've been through the trenches myself, through trauma, adversity, and invisible conditions. I've combined my lived experience, my learnings, and my diverse knowledge as a clinical psychologist, sustainable success coach, author, rural businesswoman, and entrepreneur to transform my life. My vision is to inspire a global movement for a world where invisible conditions are understood, accepted, and met with sustainable solutions. Empowering people to live with energy, purpose, and fulfillment. And I do this through the Million Scene Movement. Join me and be inspired, be curious, and become excited. This is the Sustainable Success Series. So welcome to this episode. I'm really excited today to have Hannah Darby with us. Hannah has been living with invisible illnesses all her life, yet doesn't let these define who she is. Hannah has turned these into advantages, creating her own healing business to help others who are going through the grief that happens when living with these invisible conditions. So welcome to the podcast, Hannah. Thank you. So happy to be here. So if we can start just by if you feel comfortable just sharing a little bit about yourself and your story. Yeah, of course. Um, so I'm no stranger to invisible illnesses, having lived with them most of my life. I've always had severe IBS, something that a lot of people don't really understand the full implications of. and then in 2016, I broke my back in a serious car accident. And I, this was quite hard because I literally did not have a visible scratch on me, but that completely, changed my life and left me with chronic back pain and was quite. Hard to go through. Um, and then, uh, recently developed ME CFS, after a really severe viral infection. Um, I think one of the hardest things is that people can be so judgmental because if you don't look like there's anything wrong with you, they just assume that everything's fine and people only ever see you when you're having a good day. So you never really have the bad days. Um, it's just, hard because I can no longer trust my body and everything's, I find it very unpredictable as to how things are going to affect me. So that meant I had to cut down my hours and then eventually leave my previous job that I was doing, working as a dental nurse because it just became physically impossible. But I'm truly thankful as it kind of put me back on my sole purpose path, as a healer. Cause I originally did a psychology degree, wanting to help people. And it's introduced me to the healing powers of Reiki and heart healing therapy. And now I work as a therapist helping others. It's with the effects of grief from chronic illnesses, which is something that's happens daily in the battle when you live with chronic illness. I think it's so important that I'm talking to you today because the things that you have been through are huge. And when you talk about how it's put you back onto your path. That sounds really interesting and IBS and chronic fatigue is something that I live with too after developing an illness and When I hear people really discount fatigue it really grinds my gears because if you live with fatigue it is as you would know it can be disabling and It's not tiredness. It's something that completely affects every impact of your living and You There is days where it's super hard. Yeah, you just kind of feel like you're walking through quicksand and everything, all your muscles are made of concrete. And, you know, there's so many other symptoms. It's not just being tired, it's way beyond tired. But it's not yet. When people talk to me about it, I say it is not tiredness. It is so much more than that, and a whole body experience. Yeah. So what do you think were some of the key influences or the experiences that has shaped you along your journey? Um, I think, when I was quite young, I lost my father and that really affected me. And I was kind of severely bullied all the way throughout education. And that's why I originally wanted to do psychology and help people. And those are all things that as well, people can't see, you know, they don't, they don't see. They're, you know, they don't see the effects of their words because it's, you know, all internalized. And then obviously having my car accident and then my chronic fatigue diagnosis, they've all kind of been massive changing points in my life. But, I'm really happy that it has put me back, kind of back on my path and it's, it's introduced me to so many lovely, amazing people and I think it showed me really how the true side of people, because I think until you go through something like that, you don't really know what somebody's like or are they really, you know, do they have your best interest in heart and all of that. So I think it's, it's really opened me up to seeing kind of the honest side of humanity, which I appreciate. It's so true. And it sounds like there's been quite a bit of trauma also that's impacted your journey, which would have had effect on the invisible illnesses too. Yeah, because one of my biggest triggers is stress as well. I think people discount the emotional aspect to these illnesses. It's not just, you don't just get the PEM from doing too much physical, it's Really, really linked to my emotional state as well. Absolutely. It is mind, body, emotion, soul, spiritual. It's everything holistically with these illnesses. It's not just one or the other. I'd say there probably would be through your journey, been significant challenges? and adversities that you've been through, um, I think it's definitely changed my path. It's really made me slow down. Um, and just really appreciate the little things. I think when something like that happens, you just have to turn as many little things into positives as you can, uh, to try and lift yourself up. But I think that's just given me a greater appreciation for life than I ever had before. And that's so true. I think the littlest things are the biggest wins. And I think they can get forgotten a lot or not recognised a lot, where those little things are huge when you're living with an invisible illness. Yeah, definitely. It's just, I mean, the sun is shining through the window here this morning and it's just, it's really pretty and I just really appreciate like the, the little gifts in nature and you know, little wins. Yes. Yes, we've actually had sunshine here today too after about two weeks of rain. So, I was really appreciating that too. Was there any specific moments or events that were a turning point? to get you back on this path that you're on? Um, I think, for me, like, I kind of always just held my head up and tried to battle through until I got the ME. And then it, like, that really kind of put the brakes on. And I kept trying to push through and my symptoms just get, getting worse. And it, you know, it got to the point where I'm like, no, I'm just going to have to stop. And put myself first. Otherwise it's just going to keep getting worse. Thanks. But I'm really glad that I did do that when I did that. Yeah, and that can be something that can be really hard is prioritising our own needs and putting yourself first. Was that something that was hard for you? Yeah, really hard because I'm a massive people pleaser and I'm always wanting to like help other people and make sure everybody else is okay. So that's been one of the like the hardest pills to swallow actually just kind of putting myself first and that self care isn't selfish, you know, you can't look after anybody else or do anything else unless You're functioning yourself. Exactly. So was there anything you found helpful in being able to do that? Yeah, I think, uh, for me, it's been kind of really kind of dropping into myself and just like lots of like little daily practices. That's where I found the Reiki has been really useful because it's just. It's really just helped me stop and tune into my body and really think how I'm feeling today and how clear my mind as well because I think that's another thing people don't talk about when you've got all these invisible pressures that kind of them, the effects on your mental health as well. Uh, especially cause I was somebody who was just like always on the go all the time, you know, I was like doing something and then going from like one extreme to the other and then just having to stop, you know, it's, It's quite a hard thing to learn to get my head around without feeling guilty or like feeling shame or, you know, feeling like I should be doing something else. And then when you've got all those feelings, even though you are resting, you're not actually resting because you're in that kind of, uh, Emotional turmoil. That's definitely something that I can relate to because I tend to get on that rollercoaster myself and it's so hard to get off and that's when the health can crash and it forces you to slow down and have time being rather than doing. Yeah, yeah, definitely. But my, uh, my four cats are very good at that because they'll take one look at me and just kind of sit on my lap and go, no, you need to, you just need to chill for a bit. Oh, the moths are in tune for that. Yeah. So how, what sort of things help your mindset to overcome the challenges? I think I've had, I've just started journaling again and just having a daily gratitude journal and really just being thankful for all of the, like I said before, all the little wins and appreciate looking at it that way. And rather than kind of thinking, Oh, I had a bad day today, I think I had bad parts to the day, but there were also good parts to the day. So I think it's not overgeneralizing things and. Really trying to focus on what went well, rather than what went bad. Even if it was only one thing that day, just focus on the one thing that went really well. I love that. That is so awesome because I think it is so easy just to ignore all the good things that happen. And our minds naturally tend to focus on those bad things, but that can just pull us down. Yeah, definitely. Definitely. And I think once you get into that place, it is, you know, just, it just kind of spiral round. So that's been, that's been really, really helpful. And also talking about my story, doing things like coming on here. And I've written a chapter in an anthology that's coming out next year. It's been really, really healing for me because I think with it being an invisible illness, we just keep so much to ourselves and we only, we don't talk to people about our symptoms and even if we do, people might not understand and they only see you on a good day. So for me, it's just been really healing to say, yes, I do have these issues and this is my story. Absolutely. Because I think when we're hurt, the healing can start. Definitely. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah, so was there any particular things that you found to help improve your physical health and manage the invisible conditions? Yeah. Pilates has been absolutely amazing for me. and I've kind of put my together, my own set of daily stretches. And, you know, I tried to do 10 minutes a day, but even if I just end up doing one stretch a day, that's better than no stretches. and that's really, really helped me, especially with my, back pain that I get. Yeah. and writing little reminders for myself. So like actually remembering to take my medication on time and like remembering to eat properly, you know, have lunch and making sure I have a good balanced diet because I think you can have a little bit of everything, but it's just all about balance. And with having the IBS, like it's so important to eat well because I don't even, you know, they'll actually just end up like, You're making yourself worse. Absolutely, and eating so hard. It's so hard to change those things. Yeah, and, you know, a lot of things they don't have, like, you have to be so good at reading the packets to work out what is actually in things. And, uh, onion and garlic are a big one for me, and it's amazing how many things have onion powder and garlic powder in once you really get into the, the nitty gritty bits of the ingredients. Thanks. Yeah. And with the fatigue, is there anything in particular that you have found helpful with fatigue? Um, I think it's actually pacing has been one of the things that's been really helpful for me. It's been really hard to get my head round, but stopping before I get too tired and before the symptoms start to creep up. So I just do a little bit of something and stop and have a rest. And whether that helps. actually being at rest and switching off, not having the television on or the radio on or, you know, actually taking, you know, 10, 15 minutes to just go back into myself. Yeah. It's been really helpful. I use an app for that, which has been really, really good. Um, called visible. So it's got an arm band in it, your heart rate. and it gives you little reminders when you go too far into your over exertion and can actually physically show you when, you know, when you're getting into those rest periods. Um, and that's where as well, kind of the Reiki has been really helpful for me. Even though I was lying down, my heart rate was still, still really high, so I wasn't actually getting my body into a rest period. Um, so that's really helped me kind of just slow down. How did you nurture and maintain relationships while dealing with invisible conditions? Because that can be hard when your energy is running low and socializing doesn't feel like something that can be managed. I think that has been really, really hard. And for me, I think it's just been accepting that whatever I do is going to give me PEM and put me over my budget. So planning either side. So if I am going out to see friends or do an activity, I just make sure I have really, really quiet days. Both sides of it to allow myself to kind of catch up in between. But it has been really difficult, but I'm so lucky that I've got an amazing, supportive husband and family that have just been behind me one step of the way. And, you know, he's always reminding me to stop and take breaks. And have you done this? Have you done that? So, you know, I'd be, I would be lost without them. I think it's so important when those important people in your life really try and understand what's going on for you and how they can help because it can be really disheartening if they don't really understand it or or support it. Yeah and I think it's like removing the people that don't either as well because um if they're not behind you then they're not really got your best interest in heart and they're not really a true friend. And I think as well, that's where the social media has been really helpful, like finding communities of other people living with these conditions. So you can, you know, you feel like you've got a whole band of supportive behind you. Um, you know, you can, Share advice and tips and things, and that has been really invaluable for me, because it can be very isolating being stuck at home on your own, and it does get a bit lonely, so I think that has been an amazing kind of positive of like Facebook groups and things. Absolutely. Have there been any spiritual or inner work practices that have contributed? to helping you get on track? I think yeah, it's, it's really kind of renewed my faith. Um, and that everything will kind of like be okay in the end and that we're never kind of given more than what we can get through. And mindfulness has been really, really good as well. So just dropping, stopping and being in the moment, which is something I really struggled to do before getting this because it was just on the go all the time. So I really enjoyed it kind of allowing me to slow down and just taking exactly what's going on at this moment in time, like, out the window, or if in the gardens, I think that's been, that's been amazing. and then obviously I've been journaling doing the break here as well, and I try to do. a bit of meditation where I just drop into myself and check in and think how am I feeling today, what's not so good, what's, what's a bit better and then that really helps me kind of judge and plan what I can manage in the day. Yeah and I think when you live with these invisible conditions it is so important to look at all Different sorts of things like your more alternative types of interventions and all different sorts of treatments because there's so many different things that help different people. It's not a one size fits all approach. Yeah, there's no right way or wrong way to do it. It's just try everything and see what works for you, which is kind of very much what I've done. And I have really enjoyed that doing lots of different things that I would never have got into if this hadn't have happened. Oh, that's so wonderful. Are there any key lessons that you've learned on your path to be able to get back living life? I think it's just take it a day at a time. Don't stress about the small stuff, just let that go. Cause I did used to be quite a perfectionist and, and I've just had to chill out on all of those types of things. And in a way that has been really, really freeing as well, just to not worry so much about everything. Um, and just do what you can do, like don't push yourself. It doesn't matter if one day you can manage something and the next day you can't, just take it a day at a time. Um, you know, it really doesn't matter if you leave the dishes in the sink or, you know, it's the, the world isn't going to end. So, yeah. Always kind of feel it yourself at first, like, say, put your time in for you first and make sure you just do all of the little, those kind of, those little daily practices that are going to benefit you in the long run, because even if those are the only things you do that day with the energy that you've got, you know, it's going to put you in a much better place for the next day. Yeah, and then you can show up a little bit better. in other areas of your life too, if you're giving yourself that space. Yeah. And I think it's just remembering that there's so many different types of energy. It's not just physical. So then kind of when you're planning for an activity thinking, well, yes, I've got the physicalness of getting there, but then there's also the social, social energy used, or, you know, mind energy used in the concentration and really kind of like analyzing your activities and breaking them down so that you can think. When I started, once I started doing that, I realized how much more energy I was using just in really simple little things. And I thought, Oh no, it's just, you know, just walking that little bit, but it's not because then you might, what if you bump into somebody and you know, there's lots of, lots of layers to it. Oh, there's so many layers. I think that's a really important point that you've made. Has there been any mistakes or setbacks along the way? Um, yeah, I think I've. I pushed myself too far to begin with, and I still guilty of that a little bit now. Um, you know, it's trying learning to stop before you need to. It's been one of the most difficult lessons for me because you just think, Oh, well, just one more minute. Just, you know, if I just start halfway through this, I'm so almost finished. But, you know, it's, it's always counterproductive, I think, when I end up doing that. And there's other things that you can't plan for. Like I recently got COVID and that just completely floored me again. So, you know, it's just being kind to yourself and accepting that there, there will be things that make it worse. And it is very much a, a wave and a fluid journey. You know, there's no, it's not a straight line. No, no, it's forward and then back, isn't it? It's just never ending. Yeah. Yeah. just healthy eating and having a good sleep routine as well. So, you know, making sure I kind of try to go to bed and get up around a similar time and the rest isn't lazy as well. I think that's another thing that's been really important. Oh, that's a big one. That is a big one. And I think that one, a lot of people would struggle with getting their head around. Yeah. Yeah. You know, you've got to think of it as like, that's a, that's a positive activity. That you're filling yourself up, it's not just doing nothing, what you're doing is you're recharging. Yep, absolutely. That one's a super important one. Is there any advice that you would give others who are struggling with invisible conditions and aiming to be able to get back living in some sort of way that's sustainable? I'd say just don't Don't put a timeline on it, do it in your own time, there's no right or wrong, you know, there's, there's lots of different ways to do it. You've just got to very much trial and error and just see how it goes. You know, the worst thing that can happen is, you know, you just push your symptoms up a bit more, but if you don't try it, you know, you don't know if it's going to be helpful. And that you're not alone and find a support network and there is loads of us out there all struggling along together. And even though you can feel very alone at times, it's just remembering that you're not. There are, you know, there's other people out there and, you know, connect with them. And just don't worry about what you can't control. Just take it day by day, chunk by chunk, and just focus on the little things that you can do. And, you know, then the big, the bigger stuff kind of falls into place. Yeah, that's wonderful, wonderful advice. So Hannah, can you tell us a little bit about the work that you do? Um, yeah, so I'm I'm a therapist and I've just started up my own, practice, so I'm a Reiki master, so I do Reiki treatments, and I also work, um, on mindset, helping people kind of get into a more positive mindset around their symptoms and their grief, and I use a therapy called heart healing, which is a meditative journey that takes you into yourself and speaking to your inner child and your higher self and, it's really kind of gentle, client led, uh, and I found that's been really helpful, especially to do with kind of the death of my father and things, because it's allowed me to speak about it in a way that I probably wouldn't have done, otherwise. And then I've got started, writing a book. So I've, you know, I've got a chapter coming out in an anthology next year called She Defies. And that's been massively healing for me because it's just, it is just part of my story and what I've been through and how I've overcome it. And I've always wanted to be an author. So that's a kind of a tick box on one of my wishlists. That's exciting. Yeah, I'm really excited about that. And just take every day as it comes and not to plan too far ahead. Don't put a timeline on it and don't think of when something goes wrong. It's not a failure. You know, everything is just an experiment. Does it work? Does it not work? And so, you know, our bodies are so unpredictable with this is that some days you might be able to do something and other days that same thing might flaw you, but it doesn't mean that you can't then try again. It's just trial and error. And something just come to me about you mentioned about the work that you do, how it helps process grief. And I think that's something really important to touch on because If there's grief and trauma and things unprocessed in our system, that can really impact our health. Yeah, definitely. Because your body is just stuck in that kind of survival, fight and flight mode. So you're, you're running away using all of that energy without even actually doing anything. And I think that's been a massive thing for me, working on that and, you know, and process trauma and accepting that, you know, there's so many different types of grief and we quite often only think of grief as one's bereavement, but, you know, grieving for who you used to be and like the future that you thought you might have. And those kinds of things have been a massive part of living with an invisible illness. It's a huge part and it's a part that often really gets ignored or not spoke about. So I think the work you're doing is amazing. It is so important. Thank you. I just, you know, I found it so helpful myself. I just want to try and like help other people and let them know that they're not alone. You know, we've, we're going through, we are going through it together. So how can the listeners connect with you and learn about your work? Yeah, so you can hunt me down on Facebook, and I've also got my own website. I think the link's going to be in the comment. Yeah. And that's www. healingwithhanna. co. uk and then I've got my book that's coming out next year in January called She Defies and that's going to be available on Amazon and lots of other Bookstores in about 13 different countries. So keep your eyes peeled for that. And yeah, again touch and connect with me That is amazingly excited. I will put all the links in the show notes and share it on social media so people can find you Is there anything else that you would like to share with the listeners or any final thoughts or reflections? I just think that wherever you are in your journey, that's okay. And that everybody's journey is different. So don't compare yourself to others because that'll just take you down a road you don't want to go down. and just have faith that it will work out in the end. You're not alone and you can turn your greatest struggles into your biggest advantages. And I think it gives, gives us way more empathy and kindness and opens our eyes to the world and the way people are. in a way that just other people don't get to see, you know, and I think that's a gift that, you know, we need to share and just find a way and do it your way, you know, there's no right or wrong. That's right. Okay to ask for help, you know, that doesn't mean you failed. Noel, thank you so much, Hannah. I think all the words that you have shared, I think will resonate with so many people and are so helpful. And I wish you all the best with the work that you do. And I think The lived experience that you bring to your work just adds an extra layer of just the amazing offers that you provide people because when you and when you have lived it yourself, I think you can just relate. Thank you so much. I've really enjoyed being at being a guest. Thank you and I will talk to you soon and can't wait to see your book out. Thank you. Bye. Thank you for listening to the Sustainable Success Series. Our content is general in nature and does not replace the advice from your health professional. Please subscribe to our show and follow us on social media to stay up. If you would like to be a guest on our podcast and you'd like to raise awareness or share your story, please reach out. We'd love to hear from you. Our email is in the show notes.