XOXO Gossip Chief: Q-LESS (1.06)

Two familiar faces from the Enterprise arrive on DS9, and O'Brien is ready to spill all  ☕️ the ☕️ tea!

🍷 Wine pairing: "Love Sick Puppy" Dolcetto from Vino Volta Wines
❤️ Find us on Insta: deepspacewine_podcast

*A note on the audio: We're sorry about this week's less than stellar quality, but we'll be back in fine form next week!*

Transcript

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XOXO Gossip Chief - Q-Less (1.06) 

Lily: [00:00:00] Apparently Quark makes a delicious couscous and there's nothing more 90s than that dish or that bit of dialogue. Couscous was huge in the 90s, it was everywhere.

Hi everyone, I'm Lily Rosson. And I'm Cole Paulson. And welcome to Deep Space Wine, a podcast that attempts to recap and decode every episode of Deep Space Nine, the forgotten stepchild of the Star Trek universe. Each episode we'll share a bottle of wine, wind down, and then wind ourselves up again with our strong opinions about DS9.

Because in our social experience, there is nothing people love more than when someone talks at length about Star Trek or wine. 

Cole: Wine. I mean, the proof's in the pudding. We've already hit a hundred listeners on Spotify. Whoa. People can't get enough 

Lily: of us. And only like 50 percent of that was us. 

Cole: Shh, it's testing the [00:01:00] sound quality.

And your mom. And it was my mom. My mom listened to each one a few times too. Big fan. 

Lily: Uh, hey Becca. Alright, so, episode six, Q 

Cole: less. Q less. Q less. It's because he's, someone's clueless. Clueless, yeah. Is that the idea? It's a pun? Look, I'm going to put in the running now as maybe the most boring Deep Space Nine episode.

So far. Right. I'm submitting it for consideration. Yeah. I want to see if one is actually more boring than this because it is, uh, it's a bit sluggish. It's sluggish, 

Lily: but look, I have faith that we'll find something more boring, um, in our long journey to the future we have together. I'm also willing to admit from the outset, this is a less than inspiring episode.

However, there are some fun hijinks. Oh, 

Cole: lots of hijinks, lots of, uh, exotic fashions from, from far flung corners of the galaxy. 

Lily: Yeah, that's a pretty funny scene between Q and Sisko. 

Cole: Yeah. That's what this episode is remembered for, and it is the standout [00:02:00] scene of the whole thing, isn't it? 

Lily: I also like how O'Brien suddenly becomes a bit of a gossip queen.

Um, but I think I can, I can get more into that in my rundown. 

Cole: Oh, I know exactly what you're talking about. And he tries to act like he's not, but he's such a gossip queen. He really 

Lily: is. It's very fun to watch. And I guess the other thing is there's some broader themes about relationships, maybe, maybe even abusive relationships.

Oof, a hundred 

Cole: percent. Yeah. I mean, I think my biggest issue is that the episode is about Q and Vash rather than any of our Deep Space Nine characters. Um, and I don't really care too much about either of them, but it is actually a pretty dark story that they're telling between the two of them. And I think it gets a little, it doesn't really know what it wants to say so much, but it gets kind of 

Lily: dark.

I think so. I mean, I think part of it is just, I suppose, it was the new Star Trek show, so they're trying to throw a bone to the fans. Here are some beloved recurring 

Cole: characters. Exactly. [00:03:00] They're still saying in the sixth episode, we're Star Trek, we swear, look at all these familiar faces. Yeah, look, it's Q!

It's cute. Remember Vash, everyone? Um, but then along the way, they forgot to actually make it a Deep Space Nine show and involve any of our characters. So it feels like some other show to sort of stole the, stole the camera for 45 minutes. You know, 

Lily: except for XOXO Miles O'Brien, the Gossip Girl reference.

Thank you. 

Cole: Gossip Engineer here. 

Lily: Gossip's Box, 

Cole: Stardate. All 

Lily: right, great. He's your, he's your conduit to everything. Messy . All right, so should I crack this wine, tell you some things about it? Yeah, let's do it. Cool. I told you I felt like having a chilled red, so that's what we'll be drinking tonight. Yes. As I was buying this, I had this feeling that is this show six [00:04:00] episodes in becoming somewhat parochial?

Do I only. Um, and the answer to that is yes, because I've done it again, but in my defense, I do live in Perth, Western Australia, and the wine shops I frequent have some amazing Western Australian wines. So that's all I have to say about 

Cole: that. I wonder if we could get this podcast funded by Western Australia 

Lily: wine.

Yeah. I just keep picking all these like tiny wineries that definitely don't have money to do that. So. Sorry, everyone. 

Cole: Lily, I think you need to choose these a little more strategically because this podcast doesn't pay for itself. 

Lily: All right. So this is from the Swan Valley in Western Australia, sort of just outside of Perth.

It's from a producer called Vino Volta. It's a dolcetto from 2022 and it's called Lovesick Puppy. 

Cole: Aw. Dolcetto [00:05:00] lovesick puppy. There's a lovesick monster in this episode. Yeah. 

Lily: And a lovesick puppy. Or a couple maybe, arguably. 

Cole: You know what, you'll have to point out the lovesick puppy to me. Have you had Dolcetto before?

I was just about to ask... I mean, it sounds very sweet. 

Lily: Yes, uh, so that is a misnomer. It does translate to little sweet one in Italian, but it's not actually sweet wine. 

Cole: Okay, but it's an Italian grape? 

Lily: Yes, so it's an Italian varietal. It's described as having a, a friendly berry fruit. But framed by occasionally pronounced but not overpowering tannins.

It's primarily grown in the Piedmont region of northwestern Italy. However, there are quite a few Australian winemakers growing this varietal. Um, apparently for the last century. So that, you know, you'll come across Dolcetto in Australia. It's not a crazy thing. Yeah. So this one, the winemakers are. A couple called Garth Cliff and Kristen McCann in the Swan Valley.

They're quite well known for their Grenache and Chenin Blanc, which I've had before, but I haven't had this one, the Dolcetto. He was a winemaker at [00:06:00] Hortons. It's in the Swan Valley. It's quite a well known winery in WA. I think they have like a decent amount of export to the UK and Asia. So they do some really good wines, but they also do some very basic export wines.

But yeah, this is not that. It's a natural ferment with whole bunch. I think we've talked about that before. It's like they just throw everything in there. All the twigs and everything, um, to ferment. So from the winemakers, they say the fruit is to the fore, as it should be. Bright, dark cherry, blackberry with almond and anise.

Subtle tannins to finish. Drink chilled or chilled out. 

Cole: You know we are. 

Lily: So, uh, should we taste this little sweet one? 

Cole: Yes, please.

What do you reckon? 

Lily: I like how you drink the Dolcetto chilled. I think it's like very fun thing to do in the warmer 

Cole: months. I mean, call me a heathen, but I've always wondered why we're not allowed to have. Chilled red wine. It's just it's nice and refreshing and thank God sometimes you are allowed to [00:07:00] have a 

Lily: chilled red.

Yeah, I think this varietal is often suggested chilled. So it's like because of the level of tannin and like the sort of strong berries and fruit with it. It's like, um, I think I read somewhere they call it like the sommelier secret because it's just really good with food. It's like not overpowering, but still interesting.

And this one, I like it and I'm going to drink half a bottle of it. And those are my tasting notes. 

Cole: And I'll drink the other half. This is good. I, um, maybe I'm going to get in trouble for this, but I always thought that Swan Valley wines were just there because they're like right outside of Perth. And so they're sort of easy access wines.

If you just want to go day drinking from the city, they're not actually good. That's 

Lily: a fair bomb. I think that does exist, but these guys are really cool. They're doing some interesting things. They know a lot about wine. This is a banger. It is a banger. And it doesn't break the bank. So thank you, you know, Walter.

So, 

Cole: before we crack into this episode, I did [00:08:00] want to discuss something important with you. Uh, there's this personality quiz that's been making the rounds on the internet, where you answer some questions about yourself, and then it tells you which of 2, 000 different characters from TV, movies, and books you are most like.

Yes. So, when your sister Izzy took this, out of all 2, 000 characters on the test, her number one hit was Deanna Troi, which is pretty great. It's amazing. Yeah. And accurate. So I took the test and initially I just got Christian from Moulin Rouge, which I sort of didn't understand. But then I remembered that my other podcast is about trying to understand the meaning of love.

And I think that's like Christian's first line in the movie. I came to Paris to understand love. So that was sort of embarrassing and I got all these likes. 

Lily: I came to Perth, Western Australia to let him 

Cole: out loud. And now let me tell you about it in my podcast. [00:09:00] It's called, it's a crazy little thing called, you should check it out, a little plug for my other podcast.

Yeah, yeah, great. Yeah, it is very good. So then I retook it and then the second time around, out of all characters in the inventory of my number one hit was Jake Sisko. 

Lily: Oh, cool. It hurt. That is painful and like so particular and so particularly offensive as well. , if it's, if it's any consolation, I do not see as a Jake Sisko, but see, 

Cole: again, it's like a little too real because I remember watching Deep Space Nine when I was a kid and being really charmed by Jake, like watching passengers come in from Champ, being a writer.

You know, concocting characters in his head. Um, I want to grow up and be a writer like Jake. So look, it's there. Just really embarrassing. I don't know. I see 

Lily: you as a young Ewan McGregor, so. 

Cole: Between the two, I would choose, I would choose a young Ewan McGregor. Let's do that. [00:10:00] I did take the test based on what I think about you.

Lily: Oh, tell me. I love that. 

Cole: Are you ready for this? I think very highly of you. Tell me. So your number one is Maeve from Sex Education. I don't know how well you know that show, but that's actually you. She's like badass. Very cool. Um, also in your top 20, Elizabeth Bennett from Pride and Prejudice. Amazing. Love it.

Wild Style from The Lego Movie, who's basically like a Lego version of Maeve from Sex Education. I think they both have, like, pink hair. April Ludgate from Parks and Rec, Janice Ian from Mean Girls, and Jo March from Little Women. 

Lily: That's hilarious. I am, like, so bookish and mean. 

Cole: I mean, yeah. That's, that's what the test says.

Lily: Alright. Look, I can't argue with this undeniably accurate test. 

Cole: I mean, come on, it's pretty 

Lily: spot on. Like, who doesn't want to [00:11:00] listen to a podcast by Jake Sisko and Elizabeth Bennet? 

Cole: How about Christian and April Ludgate? That's a podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, I'll take it. I did see which Star Trek characters you most corresponded with.

And, um, at 75%, Garak is your biggest hit. Thank 

Lily: fuck. I, I feel it. I believe 

Cole: it. You and Garak are soulmates. I am 

Lily: extremely manipulative, 

Cole: I guess. Um, side note, the Voyager character that you were most like was a tie between Captain Janeway and Tom Paris. No. 

Lily: Um, this test goes in the bin and we will never speak of it again.

Cole: Come on, you and Tom, you both love a good time, you're both a little rascal. 

Lily: No, I am no Tom Paris, you take that back. You take that back 

Cole: right now! I mostly, um, set this entire anecdote up just to call you Tom Paris. And now that's done and we can 

Lily: move on. No, [00:12:00] we are not friends anymore. Thanks for listening, everyone, and good night.

Uh, classic 

Cole: Tom and Harry dynamic, am I right? 

Lily: Are you Harry?

Cole: I just, I tolerate all your shenanigans. What? But you give my life meaning. Because otherwise, I'd be playing my clarinet. Oh my god, 

Lily: no. I want to be Harry. I want to play the clarinet and just be like, slightly less offensive. Upsetting. Should we, uh, should we 

Cole: watch this episode? Yeah, let's do it. All right Q-Less

Lily: So good, so I think we're at Quark's, and Bashir is regaling a Bajoran woman. Uh, and she's wearing black evening gloves, but they have no actual finger attachment, so it's kind of like an arm warmer, but fancy. I thought you'd like those gloves. Yeah, they're great. And so he's regaling her with a story of how he [00:13:00] aced his medical exam.

And weirdly, she is super into it. Is she? I, I actually think she is into it. Unless she's really, really good at being sarcastic. 

Cole: No, you know what this girl wants? This girl wants a ticket off this crappy space station and she thinks it's with this Federation doctor and she is acting her pants off to act like she cares.

Lily: Wow, gosh. Credit that you give these writers and these characters sometimes. 

Cole: Yeah, I, I decided that this is like when those old white guys go to Thailand and they're like, wow, finally, someone appreciates my jokes. Yeah. No, that's not what's happening, dude. No, you're 

Lily: so right. I, I misjudged this.

Cole: Maybe this girl really loves post ganglionic fibers and pre ganglionic nerves. I'm just not convinced. 

Lily: Like, he's not bad looking. He makes my skin crawl, but like, personality 

Cole: Man, Bashir is awful, huh? Yeah. Very awful. The whole [00:14:00] thing about Deep Space Nine is that, unlike Next Generation, it had flawed characters, and I always thought, yeah, flawed characters, like Odo, he's Emotionally repressed and Kira is a terrorist, but no, it's actually Bashir.

He is the 

Lily: worst. Absolutely, 

Cole: and season one. Yeah, and apparently the fan backlash was so strong that they really had to mature him quickly on season two. Like, people did not like Bashir. I forgot he was this awful. Oh, he's 

Lily: awful. And you know, he thinks so. O'Brien. 

Cole: His sign out in the seat is so amazing. 

Lily: So good.

He watches on and he is palpably disgusted with Julian. Um, and by the way, the Bajoran woman's dress has laces down the back and it's pretty racy. So I think you're right. I think she is fishing for, fishing for something. Yeah. I don't know. She seems sincere. Look, I, I vacillate, but she says his story is fascinating and O'Brien nearly chokes on his Ractacino.

But then he and Bishia both get called to the landing pad by Sisko, but Julian tells O'Brien, Julian. Julian. Starfleet Medical Finals gets them every time. Um, and O'Brien rolls his [00:15:00] eyes, and I love how much he hates Julian in season one. Ugh. So we're at the landing pad and Dax and some Jober Sen are trapped in the Ganti runabout.

On the way back from the gata quadrant, O'Brien puts a big game boy game into a slot, and it opens the door as they're having trouble getting out open. O'Brien to the rescue. And on board we see Vash, or is it Vash? People can't seem to decide, and I will be calling her Vash because that's what 

Cole: Picard calls her.

You know what's amazing? You hear both pronunciations in this episode, like seconds apart from each other in the same scene. Yeah, no one seems to know. 

Lily: Yeah, but she's low maintenance, so she doesn't tell people how to pronounce her name. So she's a recurring character in Next Generation. She's Picard's erstwhile lover, and I think it's the only lover he has on the whole series, unless...

We're talking about Dr. Crusher maybe, but I 

Cole: don't know. Uh, there was that one time he fell for one of his officers in season six, and then he had to send her on a risky mission. It's called Lessons because he learns the hard lesson that you shouldn't date your uh, your crew. Oh, I gotta watch that. It's actually pretty [00:16:00] good.

And I bought their romance so much more than Picard and Vash. Like I, Did you actually think those two had chemistry or made sense ever? Yeah, 

Lily: I just felt like she tries to make him feel embarrassed the whole time and he feels really embarrassed. And that's their dynamic. 

Cole: And I mean, she's a breath of fresh air.

Sure. She drags them along on these sort of archaeological raid hijinks. Okay, Vosh is the original Lara Croft Tomb Raider. Yeah. She preceded Lara Croft in terms of like, sassy, sexy women who are raiding gravesites for plunder. 

Lily: Yeah. You know, I had her down as like an Indiana Jones type. I get it. So, she predates Lara Croft?

Cole: She predates Lara Croft. She predates... There's a Vosch character on Lower Decks that, um, Mariner falls for. Mm. The same deal. Like, a lone wolf who just loves archaeology and 

Lily: artifacts. Yeah. It's 

Cole: hot. I get it. It's hot, yeah. Like, [00:17:00] women raiding burial grounds. 

Lily: There's something about bones there. I'm not going to go there.

Um, so O'Brien recognizes her. O'Brien recognizes Vash. But she doesn't recognize him. How 

Cole: awkward. Yeah, I mean it is, it's sort of funny because O'Brien wasn't in any of the episodes with Vash. And so they probably never even ran into each other. But I do love the idea that Picard getting laid by some...

Naughty archaeologist on Ryza is just such good goss that even O'Brien is like, oh, it's Vash. Like, I know about you, right? He's like, this lady. 

Lily: Yeah, I know her. 

Cole: Like, there's some wild tea getting spilled by all of Picard's officers. Yeah. 

Lily: I love to think about that scene. So apparently Vash has been in the Gamma Quadrant for two years.

O'Brien asked her how she got there and she replied, a friend dropped me off. Then Sisko is immediately. And no spoilers, but the last we saw of her, she rode off into the sunset with Q, so we can all see where this is headed. Also, the title is a bit of a giveaway, 

Cole: Q less. And then, this little [00:18:00] Starfleet lackey officer turns around.

Who's 

Lily: this ensign? Playing with the Game 

Cole: Boy Slot? It's Q! It was cute. I don't know why he had to hide as a Starfleet ensign in that scene. He does love dress ups. 

Lily: He loves dress ups. Yeah. And I thought maybe, I thought maybe I could hand some heavy lifting over to you, Cole, and maybe you can give the background of Q for people that don't 

Cole: know who he is.

Yeah, gosh. So Q showed up in the pilot episode of Next Generation. As this omnipotent being who chooses to put humanity on trial and Picard has to defend humanity's worth. And then he just, he continues to be a thorn in Picard's side for the rest of the show. And he likes to drop in and be this omnipotent voice of judgment and ask all these deep questions about the meaning of humanity.

But actually what he is, he's just like a troublemaker. and a mischief maker. He's kind of like the Greek gods, like they're [00:19:00] omnipotent. They should be like doing important God stuff, but instead they just come down to earth and mess with humans because they're bored and they're like horny and rascally.

And that's basically Q. Yeah. He just loves Poke and Picard mostly out of ennui from being omnipotent, but then he tries to, to claim it's some sort of deep lesson he's trying to teach us humans. But no, he's just, is that a good summary? 

Lily: I think he's a rascal. He's a rascal. He's there to fuck some shit up, try on some outfits, try and sleep with Janeway, you know.

Cole: Oh yes, he tries to sleep with Janeway. I mean, he also shows up in Picard's bed. I think the guy is just like Zeus. He'll take whatever he can get as long as it's a saucy human. Yeah. The last time we saw either Q or Vash, was in one of the most absurd Next Generation episodes ever where Q shows up and he says he wants to thank Picard for saving Q, um, on the last episode.

And so he tries to be a matchmaker. The episode's called Cupid and he tries to rekindle the [00:20:00] flame between Picard and Vash by sending them all to, uh, Sherwood Forest. And suddenly Picard is Robin Hood and his His senior officers are the Merry Men and it's just this absurd romp for really no reason at all because then it ends with Q saying, Oh, I've taught you a lesson to not fall in love.

Picard's like, No, you didn't. You just wanted to screw with us. And then, Q just invites Voshoff to gallivant around the galaxy together and, uh, have chuckles. And so, apparently those two, we haven't seen them for the last two years, but they're just being mischief makers together. Devious little untrustworthy scamps all over the galaxy.

Lily: Yeah, what do we call them? Are they chaotic neutral? What are they? 

Cole: Oh my god, they're definitely chaos. I mean, you should not trust either of them at all. They're both, like, kind of bad people. I mean, they're, 

Lily: they're like Machiavellian, but without any real motives. They really just want to have [00:21:00] fun. 

Cole: They are sort of made for 

Lily: each other.

But also, you should never date yourself. And I think that's the lesson everyone learns. In this episode. Uh, speaking of which, 

Cole: back to the episode. By the way, I kind of didn't eat a lot of dinner, so I am getting tipsy fast. 

Lily: Cheap drunk. That's what I 

Cole: really am tonight. I know, but don't date yourself, Lily.

Stay away from 

Lily: me. All right, J. K. So we're back, we're back with, uh, old smooth talker, Julian. Vash is getting checked out in medical and he tells her that she's in remarkably good shape. Ew. Uh, but Vash loves it. But most importantly, Vash has an amazing tie dyed fuchsia jacket that looks very David Bowie and labyrinth and I love it.

Cole: Yeah, she's, she's got some good fashion. Kind of like what a person in the nineties would wear to Bali, maybe. The one thing I liked about this scene is that, uh, Vash calls Bashir out for once again being this naive human centrist. Yeah, 

Lily: you took the words right out of my mouth. I was just going to say he makes some stupid remarks about being away from [00:22:00] civilization in regards to the Gamma Quadrant and is corrected by Vash.

And he really is a colonialist little jerk. 

Cole: Like five points to Vash, I guess. It's for calling out a moron, but it's not, it's not difficult when you're around Bashir. Yeah, 

Lily: but she's still kind of charmed by it in a way. And they continue some awkward flirting. And as a side note, Vash is also wearing some brown jodhpurs.

Cole: See? She's almost like this weird retro safari. I love it. Yeah. Bashir's creepiest line thus far in the episode is, I'm disappointed there's nothing medically wrong with you. So I have no reason to keep you here. Gross. That's disgusting. Like, I'm sorry there's nothing wrong with you, so I can't keep you locked in my infirmary.

Lily: Gross, dude. Yeah, why don't you have some rash, lady?

Meanwhile, Dax and Sisko are discussing Vash, not knowing about the wormhole. And Sisko is quite indignant at this mystery, but Dax is amused and said that... But I didn't want to talk about it because it was a personal matter. And Dax, as usual, is just like pretty amused in this [00:23:00] episode, even when shit's going down.

She, 

Cole: she's perfecting her trademark smirk. Yeah. With each passing episode. And Sisko is really doubling down on the shout 

Lily: acting. Yeah. And the silent angry staring. And then we get a hilarious scene in a secure facility for holding valuables. Like a bit of a like, what not situation. 

Cole: Um. This assay office scene is.

So weird. It's so 

Lily: weird. And I love it. And it just goes on for so long. Okay. So Vash is putting some valuables into safe storage and the proprietor for some reason is like really prim and fussy. No reason. And. Vash rouses him a bit and he is not amused with this and already in this episode there were like so many people who were just done with other people's shit.

Like everyone is just like kind of cranky at someone else. Um, I mean this guy, 

Cole: he is acting his ass off. He's like, you know what? I got this bit part as the assay officer and it is going straight into my [00:24:00] portfolio. And you know what? I'm going to show the world what I can 

Lily: do. I appreciate him. Okay, so then Vash gives him her items.

And they're all hilarious. And they look like they were made in a high school props department. That's supposed to be like, uh, artifacts from the gamma quadrant that are also so expensive. Um, I do. And she stores them in bags that are made of like the same shiny material that you often see as Deanna Troi's bedsheets.

Like all scratchy, shiny, makes no sense. But what's this next thing in me, Bob? Who's it? What's it? Is it an orb? We're not really sure, but they definitely focus on it for a long time. And I guess all this scene It's supposed to look very impressive. Yeah. It is. All this scene really does is show us that orb, and also Varta's playfulness in the face of self righteous 

Cole: people.

And it shows you that this assay officer is really bringing like, perturbed, middle aged gay antique collector vibes to the 24th century. Yep. He does so much hair. He does a lot of hair. Where's his [00:25:00] hair? My favorite artifact is the gold necklace that looks like your niece made it in kindergarten. I love it.

Yeah. 

Lily: It's so good. Um, priceless, obviously. 

Cole: Priceless. 

Lily: As she leaves, Sisko stops her to ask her why she's planning to leave so soon. And, as a side note, she's also wearing some hilarious boots, which I suppose completes an ensemble that's decidedly piratey. We see the whole outfit fully formed and it's beautiful.

Cole: She's kind of a space pirate. I think she's like a, she's half on safari, half pirating her way, getting booty across the galaxy. 

Lily: Yeah. I'm loving it. So Sisko then does some fishing and he drops the knowledge that he's been in contact with the Daystrom Institute, um, which was where she used to work and they would love to know how she got to the gamma quadrant and Vyosh repeats that it's a personal matter.

So stop asking questions, it's very personal. Also, Quark has been watching and he likes the look of what he sees. 

Cole: Because she is, she's a Ferengi dressed up as a human. She is. She tells Sisko, when it comes to [00:26:00] choosing between science and profit, I'll choose profit every time. I'll choose profit every 

Lily: time, yeah.

What's she gonna spend her money on? I mean, we don't know how much that Bowie jacket costs. Fair. I wouldn't say a lot. And what, those really valuable necklaces, it's not like your niece can just make that in arts and crafts. 

Cole: It costs money. It might look like, it might look like she can, but no, no. 

Lily: So yeah, we get a bit of information about how she was suspended from, uh, her job.

the Daystream Institute two times because of the sale of illegal artifacts. So she is, she is a dirty, rotten, scoundrel pirate. And she hasn't been back to Earth in 12 years, but Sisko says he can arrange passage and she seems quite pleased with this. And what I actually do like about this scene is that I think she has chemistry with a lot of people and they've got a bit of chemistry in this scene.

Could have been boring, but 

Cole: I kind of like it. You think Vash and Sisko have some chemistry? 

Lily: I think so, because I mean, he's not one upping her on the hamminess. He's playing it pretty cool, and he's not flummoxed by her like a lot of other 

Cole: men are. Her, her feminine wiles and charms aren't working on him, you're saying?

Yeah. Yeah. [00:27:00] I mean, what we've learned, the big thesis of this episode is that Sisko is not Picard. 

Lily: True. Um, meanwhile, O'Brien is dealing with this week's repair mystery. Uh, the Gandhi's is completely intact, except for all its power reserves have been drained. What? Sisko is intrigued by this mystery and questions O'Brien about Vash, and here we get the dirty lowdown details.

He says, Vash and Captain Picard were friends. Close friends, if you follow my meaning, and I'm like, wow, why are you going to make it sound so sordid, O'Brien, but he does, and then he's also like, they met on Risa, ooooh, and that she must be a special woman being friends with the captain and all, and that the captain likes a good challenge.

Cole: Captain likes a challenge, sir. My favorite thing about it is that O'Brien's trying so hard to pretend like he's being professional. He's like, oh, well, sir, I believe, uh, they were close friends, sir. If you take my meaning. Captain likes a challenge, sir. I'm not gossiping at all, sir. No, no, no. It's not... We didn't just talk [00:28:00] about Vosch for weeks after our captain was turned into Robin Hood.

Lily: I love it. I love it. Um, it's a hilarious gossip exchange between them and I'm here for it. Absolutely.

I can just see the Photoshop I'm going to do right now.

Cole: It really, it writes itself. Thumb captains love to go digging for art. Nope, I can't do it.

I think it looks like one commander isn't falling for this. Damn it. I can't. I can't do it. Kristen. Kristen Bell has a gift that I don't possess. Give me more wine. She does. Yeah. 

Lily: That'll help. So the equipment powers down and they're back on the main deck. Wait, is it the main deck? What do we call it? The ops ops.

Sorry. So Dax, Kira, Sisko and O'Brien are discussing the graviton flux and that this is also what happened on the Gandhi's before it powered down. And then we get a really long close up on Sisko's face as he ponders the [00:29:00] mystery. 

Cole: Yeah, it is not compelling. This is not compelling stuff. Not at all. It's super boring.

Lily: O'Brien walks fast to her quarters and he carries her back to her. And what a gentleman. But really, he's just there, like, to get some questions together. It also takes the opportunity to bitch about Cardassian mattresses for some reason. Okay, fun 

Cole: fact. Yes. This is the third time in six episodes that the quality of the guest beds has been discussed.

Whoa, 

Lily: it 

Cole: must be bad. Cardassian beds. O'Brien's not complaining, they're really bad. 

Lily: They are lizard people, but Vash doesn't care about that because she's a tough archaeologist lady, and she's had worse. Vash asks about Jean Luc, and O'Brien says that he was found last time he saw him, and Vash is gonna look him up.

And O'Brien loves this little tidbit and presumably files it away, um, because he is a messy bitch! Uh, and then he walks away. 

Cole: Gossip Chief here. Looks like a certain captain might be getting some artifact. Nope. It's so glitched. I [00:30:00] feel like it's on the tip of your tongue. Ooh, how about Gossip Chief here.

Looks like the captain's about to dig up a relic from his past. Ooh. 

Lily: Except we don't see it. We don't see Picard and that's sad. 

Cole: God, I just can't do this. 

Lily: It's all right, it'll come to you. Don't force it. So we're in her quarters and Vosch begins to unpack her silky synthetic clothing that 

Cole: she has. This episode actually spends time watching Vosch put her t shirts in a chest of drawers.

That's how boring this episode is. So 

Lily: Q is sitting on her bed and making fun of her for still pining after Picard. But hey, she's only human. And it seems as if Vash has dumped Q and Q wants her back. But Vash is like super mad at him for being there. Which is fair enough when you break up with someone and they won't leave you alone.

Uh, question. Do you think they did sexy times or 

Cole: not? Good question. I did just watch the Voyager episode where he tries to seduce Janeway. Yeah. He's not actually [00:31:00] interested in coitus with her. I mean, maybe? Let me ask you a question, Lily. Are you... Little me? Q would you tap at? 

Lily: Would I tap Q? Nah, I just find him very smug.

I know that's the character, but smug is not, it's not my deal. Yeah, 

Cole: I know. He would be awful in bed. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, their dynamic, it is sort of like Dr. Who and his companion gone horribly wrong, right? Yeah. 

Lily: Well, I've written here that they have a bit of an Elizabeth Taylor, Richard Burton vibe. I don't know, that's, that's a, have you seen Taming of the Shrew?

Yes. Oh, this is the kind of the vibe I get from them, where it's like, are they enjoying the back and forth of like, torturing each other? Or do they actually just hate each other? 

Cole: Yeah, fascinating. The, the dynamic that they've got at this point, you start to learn about it in the scene, and it, it actually is pretty awful.

I mean, 

Lily: Yeah, as were Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. Yeah, 

Cole: okay. I mean, Q is, Q is the abusive boyfriend who doesn't take no for an answer, right? [00:32:00] Yeah. He says that Vash is playing hard to get. Yeah. He says that because he's the omnipotent one, he'll decide when the partnership is over. Yeah. It's pretty scary 

Lily: stuff.

Yeah. But she, I mean, she fights back. Obviously, he's an all powerful being, but she's not backing down. She's trying to get away, and she's not being cowed. They, um, exchange barbs, not like he's just saying something and she's... Yeah, you can 

Cole: see them having a blast for, I don't know, a year or something, until Vosh realizes that she's got no agency in this thing and is sort of like a prisoner of his whims.

Which, if like, your abusive boyfriend is omnipotent, is actually pretty chilling. Terrifying. The actor John De Lancie has said that he sort of struggled with finding Q's motivation in this episode because he, um, he says Q is best used when dealing with large philosophical issues and skirt chasing just isn't one of them.

Yeah. So he even struggled with this sort of plot. 

Lily: Well, yeah. Preach. Too bad your face is so smug. [00:33:00] But yeah, Vash said she wants the life she had before they met. And yeah, Q's just awful and saying mean things to her and Wists off all these horrible things that she did that were embarrassing and says, It's a wonder you haven't offended every sentient race in the galaxy.

And then there's O'Brien listening through the keyhole. Um, and it's all, Oh, no, he didn't. I mean, that doesn't happen, but that would be really fun. 

Cole: Gossip chief here. Looks like one omnipotent being isn't getting his O tonight. Oh, girl. I finally, I finished one at least. It wasn't good. But I finished one.

And I loved it. 

Lily: Anyway, so Quark shows up at the door, which Q magics him away, but Vash isn't having a bar of it and demands that he be returned. Uh, and Q disappears, and Quark begins wooing Vash with talk of profit. He wants to organize an auction for her goods, and she said she'll only take payment in gold pressed latinum.

Ah, a beautiful phrase for a beautiful thing. I was surprised I didn't [00:34:00] come out as a Ferengi, but anyway.

Cole: You didn't get quark on the personality test. I don't know where this is coming from. I don't know. I do love gold. By the way, the, um, Ira Stephen Behr is executive producer of DS9. He, he wrote the previous two Vosh episodes on Next Generation. So he was really excited for Vosh to come back. He was talking about this scene as being sort of like a farce.

Where people just keep popping in, and the doors are opening and closing, and it's supposed to be hilarious. Like 

Lily: an episode of Frasier, also supposed to be hilarious. Yeah, 

Cole: and yet both are not. Yeah. It's supposed to be like high comedy, and it's just a lot of people coming in and out. 

Lily: But, things do get a bit dirty.

Oof, a little mux. Yeah, while they haggle over percentages of their cut, Varsh starts some umox on quark. Umox? Umox. Which I didn't know was a term for it, but it's the sensual earlobe touching massage that seems to really get quark going. And it's also Yeah, I 

Cole: mean, my ears are sort of erogenous zones too, but not as much as they are on [00:35:00] Ferengi's.

I mean, his are 

Lily: bigger. But yeah, this seems to be an effective method of haggling because quark agrees to 22%. So it must be some real good Umar and she abruptly ends the sexy times, then quarked as a real nineties line. And he's like, you're good. You're very, very good. And it's great. And he walks out fondling his own ear lobes 

Cole: and it's gross.

No, it is gross. It's an entire scene of someone stimulating some dude's earlobes. Yeah. Also, just on the note of Quark, like, it was a bold choice for them to make a Ferengi a main character. And I could totally see a wisecracking bartender who drops some funnies from time to time. But no, Quark is a huge character on season one.

So many 

Lily: episodes about Quark or involving Quark. Yeah, 

Cole: or he's like a catalyst in the plot. Um, I think it's more time than I personally want to spend with a conniving Ferengi bartender, but they just go for it in this season. I'm kind of 

Lily: into [00:36:00] it. I mean, he's sort of openly disgusting and I, and I kind of like that when there's like, if I were to have dinner with him or Bashir, I would pick Quark because at least he would just sort of openly be disgusting and not.

Yeah, he just owns it. Not like, you know, then, 

Cole: uh, He looks fun. He is. And he's, the actor, Armin Shimmerman's a great actor. He's bad. We're not on the Enterprise anymore. We're 

Lily: not. So this whole disgusting thing, Q's been watching, and he is like voyeuristic, but also he's disgusted at what he's seen, but he was watching.

Anyway. Who, who is more disgusted? Uh, but then they Vasha's next gentleman caller, Bashir. Mm. And he grievously invites her on a dinner date. And apparently quarks makes a delicious couscous and there's nothing more 90s in that dish or that bit of dialogue. 

Cole: I thought it was, I thought it was a reflection of Bashir's heritage.

Like, did you? 

Lily: Oh, okay. Couscous was huge in the nineties. It was everywhere. Could not 

Cole: escape it. Quarks makes a delicious [00:37:00] couscous. 

Lily: It does. Um, who knew? And Q comments that human mating rituals are disgusting. And in the case of Bashir, I tend to agree. Oh yeah, with Bashir, 

Cole: that is 100 percent accurate. Yeah, 

Lily: Vash tells Q that she can survive without him, and he's all, we'll see about that, in a pretty sinister way.

Yeah, 

Cole: Vash agrees to meet Bashir in 20 minutes, and Bashir says, Those 20 minutes will seem like an eternity. Ugh. 

Lily: Ugh. Ugh. Just need to wash that down with some delicious wine. 

Cole: Thank god for this wine. 

Lily: Take the bitter taste out of my mouth. All right, so then we're at Quark's? 

Cole: Actually, this is a blooper.

Bashir said meet you in Quarks, but then he's waiting for Vash in the Repliment, your favorite restaurant. It's a little blooper there. 

Lily: Yeah, I did say that. But then I was like, am I too nitpicky to say this and I'm glad you brought it up. Nope, 

Cole: that's my job. 

Lily: Bashir orders mint tea from a Bajoran waiter.

Who turns out to be Q. 

Cole: It's not a Bajoran waiter, it's [00:38:00] Q dressed up in a little Bajoran onesie. And he looks pretty good in it. No, even Q can not pull off his Bajoran onesies. 

Lily: Yeah, it's like kind of mustard and maroon. Two beautiful colours together. It's so rough. Um, and Q warns Julian against getting involved with Bash.

Ooh, which is a dick move. Even though that is a gross pairing anyway. Um, and then Q does a bit of a cut block. And makes Bashir all sleepy, so that he has to go home. Yeah, 

Cole: it's two squaring off, but one of them is omnipotent, so Bashir loses and he goes and sleeps for the rest of the episode. 

Lily: But lo, O'Brien is up in everyone's biz again.

He's just sitting there, like, what, what is he doing? There's like a crisis on board and then he's just like eavesdropping at the rep 

Cole: one. Gossip chief here. Looks like a certain handsy doctor will be sleeping in bed alone tonight. Ooh! 

Lily: You gotta go for [00:39:00] it. Like, there's a bullseye at some point. I 

Cole: believe it.

you were gonna get it. Like, I can't be the only one trying because you're the one.

Lily: I have to explain the boring shit happening in this episode. I cannot be Gossip Girl, so. 

Cole: It's just a lot of pressure. I've never been a Gossip Girl before and it's actually a really hard job. Yeah, 

Lily: yeah, it is. But yeah, so, uh, O'Brien recognizes Q because he saw him on board the Enterprise, although I guess...

No. Never did. Um, no. But, he's aware of him. And like, the good gossip queen that he is, O'Brien immediately informs Sisko 

Cole: of this. Oh, wait. What did you think of the line when Q makes Bashir sleepy and Bashir's like, I should go lie down. And then Q says, hopefully by yourself for a change. Ooooooooh. He does a little slut shaming of Bashir.

Lily: Whoa! I didn't actually think this year was getting any, but I suppose there's a lot of desperate Bajoran women. 

Cole: There's a [00:40:00] lot of women who want a ticket off of Bajor. Yeah, 

Lily: and, uh, they'll use all the evening arm warmers at their disposal. I don't need to slut shame that woman. She's fine. Yeah, she's doing the work.

Yeah, you do you. Yeah, so, O'Brien, tell Sisko, and there's like a bit of back and forth about who Q is, and Sisko knew about this, because... There was a briefing about the queue, apparently, but let's go 

Cole: with butter. He gets the emphasis wrong on the line, he says, I was at a briefing on queue two years ago.

It's like. Bro, we don't care how many years ago it was, that's not relevant here. 

Lily: Look, he's trying to do something with the dialogue and it's pretty shoddy. But yeah, O'Brien tells Sisko that he should ask Vash about Q, because the two met in Sherwood Forest, which is a callback to what Cole explained earlier about the...

The Robin Hood Maid Marian episode. [00:41:00] And it's just like, O'Brien is f ing loving it. He's like, that's a private joke of myself, everyone. But by the way, 

Cole: this Sherwood Forest. I mean, not that I was, but I heard about it and it sounded crazy. 

Lily: O'Brien. Like, is this? show actually about O'Brien? I don't know. All right.

So, Graviton's, uh, fluctuating and it's making it dangerous for docking procedures on the station, and O'Brien points the finger at one of Q's little joke, casting suspicions on him. And now, Cole, I know that Nana is your favorite, Kira, but she was not given much time in this episode, so she is cramming in so much acting, and it's...

It's pretty 

Cole: hard to watch. Okay. I heard an interview with Nana recently. She says that in season one, Kira was suffering PTSD from being a terrorist. And when you see her so passionate, it's actually her PTSD because she doesn't know how [00:42:00] to control and rein in her emotions. That's what's happening, Lily.

You are shaming someone with PTSD from 

Lily: being in a war. I feel like, na na, that sounds like some top notch post hoc explanation for some pretty rough acting. But maybe he went back and watched and made some different choices. But sure. Cole loves you. That's all that matters. Let's blame it on 

Cole: the PTSD. I heard that and I was like, that is the best apology for that overacting.

Did she write it in a notes 

Lily: app?

Cole: Hey everyone, I need to apologize for how I acted in season one. It was a PTSD. It 

Lily: wasn't me, it was Kira. It was the character Kira. 

Cole: Who are we to judge her? Kira's seen some things that we 

Lily: haven't. We are a couple of people doing a podcast about Deep 

Cole: Fake Land. It's actually our job to judge her. And I 

Lily: am April Ludgate, so it's my job.

Uh, anyway, so then we're back at Quart and Vash is stunning in a cherry red dress with a plunging neckline. She's looking, hmm. It's [00:43:00] definitely her color. I think she's a winter. I don't know, correct me if I'm wrong. I think she's a winter. She's looking good. So they're discussing the upcoming auction that they're organizing and they do some more gross flirty haggling and I have a new pickup line and it's I don't know what's more intoxicating, this Gamzee and wine or your negotiating 

Cole: skills.

Why aren't we drinking 

Lily: Gamzee and wine? Yeah, that is the question. So this is all interrupted by Sisko, who is needing to interrogate Vash. He asks about Q, who is sitting at the bar and answers for Vash. Wow, dick move. And then he immediately starts nagging Sisko, who's not impressed by 

Cole: this. And it is, I mean, we love Q nagging everyone.

It's maybe what makes it... Q the most fun. He's allowed to be a little meta, and he sort of drops some truth bombs that the audience might be thinking. 

Lily: Yeah, Sisko plays it very assertively, but Q is pining for the witty repartee of Picard. 

Cole: I mean, first Q has that great line, um, so is Starfleet penalizing you or did you actually pick such a dismal command?

Yeah, we're missing those pink chairs on the [00:44:00] Enterprise. Yeah, 

Lily: gonna need a cold compress for that burn. Um, Sisko suggests discussing in private and Q makes the entire. And station occupants disappear. And then Sisko gets a bit rough and handsy. So can you suggest they settle things mono and mono and, um, makes 'em appear in like an 18th century style boxing match.

And the outfits are cute. and Q has like a douche bag 

Cole: handle one stuff. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, this scene is definitely the episode's best seen, and it's probably the episode's, you know, reason for being is that, yeah. Yeah. Please just go knock 

Lily: out q. And then does his face. It's all like, well, that's what you get.

Um, and then we're given the best exchange of the episode. You hit me. Picard never hit me. And Sisko says, 

Cole: I am not Picard. Yeah, and he's not. And honestly, I know I've been calling this a boring episode, but listener, Watch this episode just to see, watch it just to see the face Cisco makes after he decks Q.

It's this sort of like [00:45:00] That's what you get. Yep, you messed with the Cisco. Yeah, he's the Sisko. There's also a great outtake you should look up when CisSiskoys bring them back Q and Q says or what you'll thrash me? There's an outtake where Q accidentally says Or what? You'll ravish me? And then he and Sisqo just go with it and start flirting with each other?

It's pretty 

Lily: fantastic. Oh man, I wish I'd watched that instead of this whole episode. It's great. It, it is fabulous. And did we talk about this in the first episode? Where Sisko says I'm not Picard. It sort of is. the point of this show. He's not Picard. This is not the Enterprise. This is a dreary little gulag and Sisko runs it.

And 

Cole: I think it's actually why Q doesn't really work very well in Deep Space Nine. We already talked about how it seems like an awkward fit and I was trying to think why. So the Enterprise on Next Generation is this really comfy flagship starship where Picard and his staff are going around [00:46:00] having these profound philosophical quandaries and Q shows up and tests their humanity, questions humans purpose.

And it's all just a bunch of like people sitting around in this ivory tower playing these intellectual games. And that's what Q exists for. But Deep Space Nine, it's a, it's a rougher show. It's. It's on the ground. I mean, maybe call it like a working class show. It's people just trying to get by and make things happen where people don't have time to think in the abstract or to ponder philosophy.

And 

Lily: if you talk smack, 

Cole: you're going to get punched. You're going to get decked in the face. Yeah. So I guess maybe it's fitting that when Q does show up on Deep Space Nine, it's an episode about an abusive boyfriend who needs to get the boot because it's more of a grimey or conflict. Right? But Q deserves to get decked in the face.

Lily: It's satisfying. I feel like if the card had seen it, he'd be like, all right, engage. Um, now we're, we're at the airlock and there's another big Buffy demon, but he has a terrifying mouth [00:47:00] and also a Ferengi appear. And the mouth alien has a beautiful sparkly multicolored coat reminiscent of Van Gogh's Starry Night.

Cole: It's like a Starry Night Moomoo. It 

Lily: is. It's beautiful. I want it. Then they're followed by what? Kind of look like some sort of soldier with blue bags on their heads. Faceless. Interesting choice. Are 

Cole: the exotic aliens with. It's really cool and intriguing, or is it just like a cheap way to have an alien show up who doesn't need makeup?

The 

Lily: latter. Bummer. The latter. Bummer. But they spent all their money on Terrifying Mouth alien. Yeah, they did. 

Cole: Starry Night Moomoo. 

Lily: But Odo is watching on, and he is not liking the look of this development. Or maybe he is, because it's how he gets his kicks in life. So then the station loses power again, starts losing atmosphere, and we get some great acting with a turbo fan.

It's brilliant. [00:48:00] 

Cole: The air is being sucked out of ops, and man, those actors are just acting the heck out of having a fan in their face. So 

Lily: good. Some better than others. 

Cole: I mean, ah, the PTSD is coming through for me. She 

Lily: just dropped it. Um, so apparently the breaches have been caused by another Graviton, Pulse, Yawn, and Sisko still doesn't think Q is behind the problems.

I mean, we're 

Cole: supposed to think it's Q. Yeah, 

Lily: we're being led to believe that it's Q. Right. Then Quark goes to visit his old best friend's club, Odo, because Odo has requested his presence, and Odo questions him about Vash. And it turns out he has also been listening in on conversations. And it's great because Quark's like, you were there, you were listening.

What were you? A table? A chair? The wine bottle? I like to think it was the wine bottle. Um, 

Cole: definitely. And now his face, Odo's face is looking even worse than 

Lily: usual. Does Odo have a different nose in this episode? It looks very different. The 

Cole: guy looks grim. It's like his mask is slipping [00:49:00] off his face. Yeah, 

Lily: the mask is slipping.

Odo questions the need to acquire material wealth, and then he does the monologue from Fight Club, I guess, about consumerism. Um, and then Quark wonders if Odo has any earthly desires, and he lists off some things, finishing with, a platinum plated bucket to sleep in. So I go, and Odo pauses comically. And then they both kind of laugh.

And their scenes really are my favorite. 

Cole: I think they're the best. I mean, Odo considers it. Treat yourself, Odo. He does! Get yourself a platinum plated bucket. So good. 

Lily: On the next scene, Vash has changed outfits again. And she's in a beautiful blue striped dress with matching colored stockings and a statement necklace that is actually earrings.

Cole: Okay, and I love this earring necklace. I think it's luscious and fantastic and 

Lily: iconic. And if this was a thing that she put in storage to be sold for cold pressed platinum, I would believe it. And 

Cole: the essay officer would have been impressed, and he wouldn't have been like giving her side eye for no reason.

I mean, that's a gay [00:50:00] man who appreciates a nice piece of jewelry. He 

Lily: was like, what is this junk? Yeah, that 

Cole: explains it. Um, could you ever see yourself going out to a party and wearing an earring necklace that is both earring and necklace? Sure, I think it's fabulous. I think it's 

Lily: great And I feel like we need to be in the future now because I want this but yeah, this next scene it's pretty upsetting Yeah, it's very sinister Hugh is harassing Vash as she's sort of trying to walk to the auction and he shows her basically he creates this thought experiment where she got an insect bite In some distant place that they went to together and if he hadn't intervened what it would have done to her body So he like starts magic ing this making her lose her hair and then break out in these big boils And then that's all quite upsetting.

But then it's sort of this bit where he, she's like having a fit and it looks like she's about to die. And despite this, she's still saying that she won't get back together with him. But it's really terrifying and arguably a visual representation of the kind of emotional [00:51:00] abuse where the abuser convinces their victim they're helpless 

Cole: without them.

Yeah, well put. Um, it is horrifying. And it is where you really realize that Q is nothing more than an abusive boyfriend. Yeah. The actress, the actress Jennifer Hendricks, who plays Vosh, said that when asked about her memories of shooting this episode, she just only talked about this scene because it took like an entire day to film.

Yeah. Because every time Q snapped his fingers and she got more sick, she had to go to the makeup chair for like four hours. Oh, yeah. So she's like, yeah, that dumb scene where I was dying for like... 10 seconds. I was in a makeup show for eight hours, but it's rough. Sorry, Vash. 

Lily: And also the actress who had to sit in makeup sounds tough.

Uh, so we're back to the brain stress. And they can't figure out the reason for the power drain, um, except for super hot genius Dax and she comes up with a plan and it's all very boring and I don't really care. Um, Q shows up to taunt Cisco and then he calls Kira a feisty little go getter. Then he burns O'Brien by not remembering him and [00:52:00] calling him one of the little people.

Woo! I mean that's 

Cole: an amazing 

Lily: line. You did not to gossip girl. 

Cole: Um. You were one of the little 

Lily: people. And I changed my mind. It's actually Q who is the messy bitch. 

Cole: Oh, Q's such a messy bitch. I love all of Q's, what do we call it? Like, negging, um, poking people. He says, you know, Picard and his lackeys would have solved all this technobabble hours ago.

Yeah. He might have a point. This is sort of like the B team. Yeah. It's not the flagship anymore. 

Lily: I mean, what have they got here? The chief, who's too busy with his gossip. 

Cole: O'Brien says, do something constructive for a change and go torment Cardassians. Yeah, 

Lily: he's got a real, real, uh, uh, what's the word? Oh no, 

Cole: I'm drunk.

A bee in his bonnet? 

Lily: He's got a bee in his bonnet about Cardassians, I'm fine. He also has PTSD 

Cole: from the war. Do you like how Q calls Sisko Benji? Love it. Yeah, I like that. Oh, and then Q throws them a huge clue because they have no idea what's going on. [00:53:00] He gives them a huge clue and he says that Vosh is the source of the problem.

Yeah. And they just immediately dismiss it because I don't know. They're too like up themselves. Well, and 

Lily: they're also like, well, you're just bitter about your breakup. Fair. But yeah. So next thing, can we talk about it? I found it pretty hard to concentrate because there were so many good outfits. Tell me.

So there's a random alien walking by in like a yellow accordion, which is great. The jacket man, whose name is Kolos, who on closer inspection has a pretty rude looking mouth. Like close up, it's a bit of a, can I say it? A bit of an anus mouth. 

Cole: I wrote, in my notes, I say it looks like a pile of genitals.

Right. Yeah. 

Lily: But like with the mouth being the anus, right? We don't need to go into it. I 

Cole: didn't, I wasn't really sure because I didn't want to keep looking, but it's, it's a pile of genitals. 

Lily: Regardless, it's unpleasant, but most importantly, we get the return of the underboob dress from episode one. Did you 

Cole: see that?

Absolutely. You know I did. Yeah. It's a fantastic outfit. It's 

Lily: gold. And when [00:54:00] you see it front on, there's like a ton of belly revealed too. Got it all. It's perfection. 

Cole: Yep. The wearer of the dress, this Dabo girl, is sort of something for the reptilian species. Yeah. She's got some sort of Voldemort like nostrils, but I bet some denizens of Deep Space Nine are really into 

Lily: that.

Totally. So Quark and Vash share some more flirty dialogue, and Quark offers a permanent partnership, but she says, Sorry, Quark. I've slept in my last tent. 

Cole: Wait. What does that mean? Wait, what? I was hoping you actually say that? What does that have to do with the start of a partnership with Quark? I don't know.

I think Vash is just ready to be rich, and she doesn't want to keep scrabbling for little artifacts with Quark. I think she sees Quark maybe as a small fry, which is fair. Sure. I thought it was sort of bizarre that she agreed to do this auction with him because he's just a bartender on us. But 

Lily: I think, I think that she's looking for small fry, you know, tagging along with Big Fry and with small fry, she can manipulate him and have some 

Cole: power.

Yeah, I [00:55:00] think that's it. She's probably missed feeling powerful, and she's ready to actually exert some power over someone. You nailed it, Lily. Thanks. Oh, he's so. 

Lily: Um, things on the main deck aren't going well, and Dax is putting ARPS, Lily. 

Cole: They're up on ARPS. Sorry! 

Lily: ARPS. And Dax is putting her plan into place, and the station is somehow being sent into the wormhole.

But more importantly, the auction has commenced. Um, the real meat of the episode, I 

Cole: guess. Yeah, the um, I mean, I guess the stakes have been raised because... Something is pulling the station into the wormhole where it will be crushed into a thousand little pieces. Yeah. But it is so much technobabble.

Apparently even when Q drops that line about, um, he says, Picard and his lackeys would have solved all this technobabble hours ago. Yeah. It was the writers of Deep Space Nine also having a go at the technobabble because they were starting to get really over it at this point. Yeah. I think they start phasing out the technobabble over the course of the show because it's a lot 

Lily: early on.

Especially when there's not much else happening in the episode, but anyway, back at the auction, Vash begins an archaeological explanation of her goods, but Clark's like, [00:56:00] that's not how you do business, and he takes over and does some lowbrow salesmanship, which seems to work pretty well. Yeah, look at this 

Cole: shiny necklace made by my niece in her kindergarten class.

The line I liked from the auction was that there's a dagger and Quark says, think of it as a weapon and an investment. 

Lily: That is good. Maybe he is good at sales. Um, Q watches and interrupts to inform the bidders that the station is hurtling towards its doom. And Vash tells Q that he is evil, but Q denies being the cause of the problem, but he is still kind of evil.

Quark introduces the Org to 

Cole: sale. The big fancy item that is supposedly a lot better than all the others, but looks just as cheap to this viewer. 

Lily: And the bidding is rampant. Will it be 600 bars of Gold Press Latinum? 3, 000 bars? 1 million bars? But, oh no, the problem is coming from the promenade. Could it be the orb?

And then it turns out it was orbie orb all along . Um, and O'Brien transports it off the station and it explodes turning into a giant glowing manter ray. Twist the end. No follow up. 

Cole: what? And the glowing, that [00:57:00] glowing manter ray. Yeah, the glowing manette flies in the wormhole. So isn't it weird? The first time we saw Q in Encounter at Farpoint, he helps the crew realize that Farpoint Station is actually a big glowing jellyfish.

Whoa, yeah! So like, Q is really obsessed with these like, surprise glowing sea creatures. Yeah. Or it's just a lack of creativity on the writers, but lots of glowing sea creatures, apparently an earlier draft of this episode, they follow the, the manta ray into the gamma quadrant. And there's a whole adventure scene where the manta ray goes like, this was only halfway through the whole episode, but then they're like, yeah, but then we realized that the real story is on the station with the auction.

And I'm like, was it because I was not. I was not captivated. 

Lily: No. Like, I'm glad this episode didn't go any longer, but... 

Cole: Agreed. But, I mean, we saw Vash unpack her bag [00:58:00] at least three times. Oh, so many times. Maybe we should have followed a manta ray around. You know, it might have been a little more interesting.

Uh, that actually 

Lily: was interesting. Probably not. In fact, what's most important about this episode is of all the ensembles that Vash wears, the bag matches none of them. It's like this horrible Hessian sack and she just carries it around the whole time, but the rest of her outfits are stunning. So tell me what's going on.

Can this lady not accessorize? I know that's not true because I've seen her earring necklace. Which is 

Cole: beautiful. She needs your help in the bag department, 

Lily: Lily. Maybe it's like a reference to Indiana Jones and all his garbage beige clothing. 

Cole: Yeah, I think it's very Safari Indiana. 

Lily: So to finish, it's the station mob.

And be at ease, Cole. The Graviton levels have returned to normal. 

Cole: I was worried. I was really scared in this episode about his Graviton levels. Yeah. Happy ending. Uh, 

Lily: Flash sits at Qwark's who asks her why she is returning to the Daystream Institute on Earth [00:59:00] and tries to tempt her with an offer to collect slash steal some artifacts on Tataris V.

Q appears and he ponders... The same thing, why she's going back to Earth, saying that it will be abysmally boring. And then, he sort of has a moment of vulnerability, saying that seeing the universe through your eyes, I was able to experience wonder. Yeah. Um. 

Cole: It finally helped me understand Q's motivation for even wanting.

Yeah. It's like, what, what does he get from this measly human woman? He gets to see the universe through her eyes. Yeah. I was watching this episode a week or two ago in New York City and I was babysitting my friend's six month old and they said, just take him to a park in the city and you guys will have fun.

And so I'm pushing the six month old through the streets of New York and he is just loving everything around him. Every person he sees is a whole new world. And I was like, Oh man, to experience the world through a six month old's eyes. That's sort of what Q gets to do with Vosh. And there is something really [01:00:00] beautiful about that.

And I wish the episode had actually been about that. Yeah. Um, rather than Q just being abusive. Yeah. I'm not taking no for an answer. 

Lily: Yeah. Just wanting Picard's sloppy seconds. Exactly. That was pretty antifeminist but yeah, 

Cole: I mean, if you, if you're omnipotent, you would be bored. Yeah. You can do absolutely anything.

No wonder he just picks on humans because humans are interesting to him. They're sort of wide eyed. These explorers who are so fascinated by everything and I guess he gets to live that vicariously. Yeah. I actually understood why Q hangs out so much with us measly humans from that little interaction.

Lily: Yeah, it's not just for the outfit, it's for the joy. So they say, well he says he'll miss her, and she sort of admits that in a way she will too. But she doesn't want anything to do with him ever again. Rightly so, and he disappears. Oh, he does Like Rumpelstiltskin. 

Cole: He 

Lily: does! So he does suggest that she might be happier on Sotiris 5.

And I think she takes this bit of advice as it is, and decides to take Quark up on his offer. And they disappear together arm [01:01:00] in arm. And then Dax is the latest eavesdropper and maybe she was actually Gossip Girl all along. Just feeding it to O'Brien. I don't know. She shakes her head in amusement. Then Bashir arrives and is the butt of the joke again.

And he's all like, did I miss something? And it's like, yeah, you did. And I'm also glad you weren't there. 

Cole: Yeah, Bashir, I guess, just woke up from Q's little, um, sleeping potion. Isn't it 

Lily: weird, though? 

Cole: Yeah, yeah, exactly. Thank you. Yeah, Dax, she has no lines at all. She just smirks and shakes her head at Q and Vash.

And then just smirks at Bashir and walks out. 

Lily: Yeah, the final line of my notes is Dax is hot and amused. The 

Cole: end. Yeah, the writers just have no idea what to do with it. Competent, beautiful, wise woman. They're just like, ah, she can smirk knowingly. But 

Lily: she does smirk knowingly and I'm buying it. I mean, I'm picking up what she 

Cole: is putting down.

Terry Farrell, the girl knows how to smirk. We love her for it. I 

Lily: really get the Dex thing now. You know, I [01:02:00] get it. Thank goodness. Yeah, I'm in. I'm all 

Cole: in, baby. Dex is great. It took you long enough. All right, let's end the voyage. We got through it. We told the scared Star Trek fans of 1993 that they might see some familiar faces from time to time and not to be too afraid of the gulag that Cisco was running.

Yeah. And um, otherwise we saw more glowing sea creature animals. So 

Lily: good. Do you think Q is like a little kid with an aquarium, and he just sort of has all these space fishies and jellyfish and... I hope that Manta Ray is happy in the Gamma Quadrant. He was pretty keen to get there. Pretty keen to get back there.

Cole: He was really stoked to get back home, yeah. Oh, wait, before I forget to say it, make sure to find us on Instagram. Our handle is deepspacewinepodcast. Is that right, 

Lily: Lily? Deepspacewine underscore podcast. 

Cole: Deepspacewine underscore podcast. You'll get all of Lily's hard hitting... Uh, fashion critiques, loving critiques, I would say, yeah, loving critiques and so much more.

And, um, yes, 

Lily: maybe some [01:03:00] of my Photoshop skills. I'll also upload some photos of the wine that we drink, usually with a link to the wine maker as well. So wherever you are in the world, maybe you can order a 

Cole: bottle, hit us up, drop us a line, and, um. Yeah. You can DM us. Please. I give you permission. Please talk to me.

Lily: So that's the business, but more importantly, Fashion Watch. 

Cole: Fashion Watch. Fashion Watch. Okay, so I loved the little accordion dude who to me just looks British, you know, if he were to talk he would have been British. 

Lily: Very thin lips and sort of horsey teeth. 

Cole: Yeah Sorry British people! That was fantastic! I thought the mysterious box aliens who don't show their faces added a dash of intrigue to the station.

Did you? No, I'm just saying that to be nice. I thought that was garbage. Yeah, no, it was garbage. I'm just, all right, you, you caught [01:04:00] me. No, no, no, my fashion hero is the earring necklace one piece accessorizing. 

Lily: It's definitely the best piece we've seen so far. I think I want to give top points to Vash for all her outfit.

They're all great. I want them all. Also special mention to fingerless, handless glove lady and what she's doing with what she's 

Cole: got to work with. Yeah, I'm cheering for her. I hope she has a happy ending. 

Lily: Yeah, me too. But really, I, I think I was just so excited to see the return of Underboob. Gold Underboob.

It's brilliant, brilliant work guys. I see you, I see you costume designer. 

Cole: Michael Westmore is very grateful that in 2023 we are talking about his underboob work. Brilliant. We did it and Q was never seen again because he doesn't like getting punched in the face on Deep Space Nine. 

Lily: Yeah, good riddance and let's hope for some slightly more interesting episodes.

Oh, I think the next one is... Pretty good. Um, I had a good time. I always 

Cole: do. Wait, so [01:05:00] who are the lovesick puppies in this episode? 

Lily: Well, I thought obviously Q, but the contenders are Quark and 

Cole: Bashir. Oh, and they are lovesick puppies for this whole show. Absolutely. I am drunk off Dolcetto. Me too. 

Lily: It's really purple.

I'm looking at it. It's like, it's beautiful. The beautiful purple of ashes. tie dye 

Cole: jacket. 

Lily: I wish you could see it, everyone. 

Cole: Um, can you do us the honors of doing a sign off as Gossip Chief?

Lily: I just, I have no faith in myself to do this bit. I'm drunk, my mouth is dry from the tannins. 

Cole: Gossip Chief here. It looks like one manta ray is finally... 

Lily: I love that you start it, but with no plan to where it's going. It's like... It's absolutely 

Cole: nowhere. I just want it to take a life of its own, but that's not the way.

Talking works. I can't just wait to be like [01:06:00] possessed by a stand up comic. Gossip Chief here. Looks like two podcasters had a little too much wine. 

Lily: XOXO, Gossip Chief.

Cole: Deep Space Wine is hosted by Lily Rossen and myself, Cole Paulson. Music by C'est Cla Nouvelle and artwork by Danielle Vernelson.