Episode 150 | Turning Pain Into Purpose: Leighsa Montrose’s Journey of Grief and Giving Back

This episode is deeply personal—and one you won't forget.

I’m joined by Leighsa Montrose, whose life changed forever after the unexpected suicide of her husband, rock legend Ronnie Montrose. What followed was a journey through immense grief, public loss, and ultimately, healing.

Leighsa shares how she found purpose through service, discovered the power of trauma therapy, and began helping others navigate their own losses. We talk about what it means to truly show up for someone who’s grieving, and how vulnerability can be a path to resilience.

If you or someone you love has experienced loss, this conversation offers compassion, perspective, and hope.

About Leighsa:

Leighsa Montrose is a grief support advocate, wellness consultant, and the widow of legendary rock guitarist Ronnie Montrose. After a successful career in event design, Leighsa transitioned into the music business to manage Ronnie’s return to touring—handling everything from logistics to contracts. Following his tragic death in 2012, she stepped into a new role: preserving his legacy while navigating profound personal loss.

Leighsa founded RoMoCo, LLC to manage Ronnie’s estate and organized a high-profile tribute concert featuring artists like Sammy Hagar. She later trained as a peer grief counselor with Kara and became a certified wellness consultant, focusing on helping others heal after trauma and suicide loss. Today, Leighsa shares her story to raise awareness around mental health and offer hope to those walking their own grief journeys.

Links and Resources from Leighsa:

Facebook
Website

Other Resources

https://kara-grief.org/

https://afsp.org

https://www.suicideispreventable.org/

Linda Arcello-Earl's episodes:

https://www.buzzsprout.com/2245025/episodes/16901453

https://www.buzzsprout.com/2245025/episodes/16918802

Check out Kay's Uncopyable Sales Secrets Video Series: https://www.beuncopyable.com/sales-course

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Transcript

  I was introduced to today's guest by the wonderful Linda Arcello  Earl, who manages the rock band fog hat and is one of the most kind and generous people I know.

. Today's episode is different for sure. Lisa Montrose is the widow of legendary guitarist, Ronnie Montrose. After his unexpected and devastating suicide in 2012, her world was turned upside down.

But Lisa found a way to use that tragedy to help others through grief and trauma, and is an incredible example of strength, resilience, and optimism.

  Lisa. Welcome to the podcast. Thank you. Thank you for having me. So I wanna talk about and honor 

Your late husband.

Also talk about what you have done since then to help others and to honor his legacy, Okay. Sounds good. Well, I just wanna say thank you to Linda.

'cause I know she'll listen to this. She will. She's pretty incredible. Just a little side note of how we met when Ronnie took his life. I had met Roger, I think the October before we were in St. Louis at a show. And he was just so lovely and in endear endearing to me, you know, and we had the nice.

Just a quick talk, but it was very sweet and it was just the two of us. And then after Ronnie took his life Linda reached out. She just called me and she has become like family to me as I didn't know this woman. And she became one of my lifelines and she really listened to me. Talk to me. So, you know, I just I'm, I'm grateful for the people that I've met and she is one of them for sure.

 I just met her not too long ago either, and I could just tell there's something about her. She is just. I don't know, one of a kind really. She's just been so lovely to me and to everyone. Everyone loves Linda.  so let's talk about your story and, and as I said, what you have done with that grief that could have just, you know, taken somebody out.

So. It did. It did take me out in the beginning. I'm trying to backtrack. 'cause as of March, this past March, it's 13 years. So the first, you know. The first part of it at Shock and all of that, and I was just stunned. And I couldn't even write my name on a piece of paper. I couldn't write, I couldn't open my own mail.

I, I don't know, I was just a wreck. And and then. The type of person I am. I thought there was that phrase, lean into it back then. And I was like, I didn't know about grief support or trauma support. And so I was like, yeah, I'm just gonna really lean into it. And I went to a few drop in grief groups.

But one day a friend told me about a place Cara Cara. It's in Palo Alto, California. And it's a grief center and, they said, go there, go to the drop-in. So I went and that was nine months into it, right after my birthday in September. And I thought I didn't know about this kind of support other than the psychology and the one that I had could, couldn't go to the depths that I needed to.

And I learned why later, right after that. But basically I went to that drop in and I was walking out and this woman grabbed me on the shoulder and I always say she's my angel and, colleen and she said, Hey, I think you might wanna come back in here and just like get some support. And I was like, okay.

So I thought if a stranger could see that in me, maybe I better take heed and listen. So what I learned fast forward is they couldn't help me in the beginning because I was traumatized and, and I don't think many people know this. I didn't know this myself, but it's like this, like there's grief here and if you have trauma, it sits on the top and if you don't get help for the trauma first, you can't get to the grief.

So. When I found that out, I was like, oh no, you know, this is even worse than I thought. So I met a therapist. She really turned things around, and it was the first day I ever thought, wow, if, if, if I could get some help here, you know, then I, this could, something could move, I could move the needle. So I did about a year of trauma therapy, then went to the grief.

And I've never heard of trauma therapy that I know of. So that's really good for, you know, our audience listening. We just talked about beforehand that so many people have mental health issues, depression. I'm one of them. I don't like to talk about it, but the fact that no one talks about it makes people feel alone.

So trauma therapy, I just wanted to throw in too that I know that you kind of were. In the river of what was happening after he died and there and there was a tribute concert. Concert just five weeks after his death. You must have just been numb and yeah, what the heck? You know, that was so crummy. The trauma therapy, I just wanna say well, yeah, let's go back to that really.

'cause you, and I'll go into the concert. Yeah. The trauma therapy, there's a place in Palo Alto. Again, it's Palo Alto University, and they have this program called Early Intervention where they'll take you on for a year if you're a. Candidate, you know, and also I was sitting beside people had that, that had been in the military, you know, veterans.

So I was like, oh my God, this must be bad. So there's that. So that's what I did. And then the concert with Ronnie, it all happened so fast. Like right after his death, you know, all of his friends came together. Of course, they would, we're gonna do a, a tribute, a memorial, blah, blah, blah. I was, again, catatonic.

I didn't know that I could slow the brakes, like pump the brakes and say, whoa, whoa, whoa, let's just give this a year. I didn't, and I, I felt really pulled by the dragon's tail, you know, like whipped around and, and, I said Yes. You know? Well, and I think that also is good for people to hear because Yeah.

Everyone else I thought they, I'm sure they thought they were doing the very best thing they could. Yeah. They did on, oh, let's get right on this. But then, you know, time goes by and things fade and you're still in it. Yeah. Yeah. I can't imagine what, you must have been so numb going through that, but then you did go on and deal with that.

So. Yeah, I mean, it was a beautiful, beautiful concert. I think he would've absolutely loved, loved it. It was just a lot. It was a lot for me personally. I, I, I, it wasn't, it wasn't easy, but I can, I can see how his fans and his colleagues that was their way to process their grief. So they weren't thinking about me, or maybe they were in some way, oh, this will help Lisa.

I, I don't know, but. You know, there was that. So, you know, we have that moment in tongue and it was, it was beautiful. So then you did, you know, fast Forwardings more or less, you went through this counseling therapy and, and it helped you a ton. Mm-hmm. Then how did that turn into a purpose for you to help others with that?

Well, I did. Then I went back to the group Takara. I went to, I did all the programs I could do, like SP loss, suicide survivors all kinds of groups, one-on-one, peer counseling therapy. I did it all. And after I had exhausted all that, a good two years after that, I said to them. And by this, yeah, by this time it was like 2014.

And they're like, okay, that's, that's the most we can do for you. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no. I, I'm not ready to leave. And they're like, well, what do you mean? I'm like, well, just find me a job. Let me find, find me a job here. So I left my profession to do that. So I, you know, in one day of, of Ronnie's death, I had lost my partner.

My, my own event company his touring company, you know, his, his business. I had lost it. You were managing him, right? So I lost everything one day. It's like the, my world just sheared off in one day and I, I so financially it was quite a burden too. And then I couldn't work. I just couldn't. And it was so public that.

Yeah, it was bad. And so two years into it, I just asked them, you know, Hey, I took a major cut in. Pay, it was just like, let me work at this grief center. So I ended up facilitating groups, facilitating spouse groups being a peer counselor myself, and then working in the critical incident stress management division.

Doing debriefing, you know, crisis debriefings for people, walking them through that. So that really helped me because I was helping others and I was helping myself. I was constantly hearing it. I, yeah, I was thinking it must have been therapeutic for you and how powerful for other people, your counseling, to know that you've been through it too.

That you just have a social, you know, psychology degree or whatever. No, no. And everybody was like, why don't you be a therapist? I'm like, Nope. I don't ever want to be a clinical therapist. I always wanna be a peer because I truly believe peers can heal peers. Peers can help peers. Sometimes I can just sit next to someone who has lost someone by suicide, or a spouse whose partner has died, husband or wife has died, and.

I don't need to say much 'cause they know, I mean, it's in my fiber and I get them, you know. And that's, that's a strength or I don't know what, what the word is really, but people like me maybe who haven't been through that, were always trying to say the right thing, you know? Yeah. I remember when my best friend's baby died and, and I was just trying and trying to find the right words and she, she told me, she said, there are no words.

Just, yeah. Be with me. Yeah, and it's funny, my, my childhood friend said to me yesterday she wanted to be there for someone. What could she say? I feel like I should call back. I feel like I should do this. I don't know the right words. And I said, well. That's, that's your outright there. You don't have the right word, so don't worry about that.

Number one, you don't, you're off the hook, right? And number, yeah, you're off the hook. Number two, you're never gonna fix it. So that's, that's, you're off the hook. Number three, you have your presence. That's what I told her yesterday. You have your presence, just like you did for me. Just be there. Show up, leave a message.

Even if she doesn't answer it for six months. Just keep calling. Hey, I'm gonna call you in 10 days, or I'm gonna call every Monday. Or, Hey, I am gonna drop something off at the door. You don't have to answer the door. You know, like, I just want you to know I'm thinking about you. I. Yeah, and that reminds me of Linda too.

Knowing Linda how I, the way I do, which you know, is very short term and surface level, maybe I cannot imagine her not picking up the phone and calling you. Oh, yeah. And what she did for you. It probably wouldn't have mattered. I'm sure she had wonderful words. It wouldn't have mattered what she said as much as just, I'm gonna be, you know, I'm there.

I'm there. Yeah. So. And, and she understood because she is, is a manager, you know, and so she knew the world that I was dealing in. She's much more knowledgeable. She had way more time in it. But the thing I love about what Linda did is and what she continues to do is she creates community worldwide. So.

I don't have to be next door to her. I don't have to walk down the street and knock on her door. It's like all I have to do is pick up the phone. And she did that for all, she does that for all of us. So, and that's what I wanna do for others. Let them know like, yeah, we are not, you could be around the other side of the world and we're only a few hours apart, you know, but just.

And with technology, that is one good thing about technology. You and I are zooming, you're in San Francisco? I'm in Seattle, and, yeah. And yeah, and she, I, I laugh. One little funny story about Linda is that we were talking about what time to start the interview and I think. We landed on 5:30 PM Seattle Time, which is eight 30 her time, New York, and we were on the phone for two hours, I believe it.

Most of it, drinking wine, I think. But yeah, I'm like, oh my gosh. A rock and roller for sure. I'm in bed by nine usually. Right. But that makes sense with Linda because that's finally when she can get away from her phone calls and her computers, and, she can sit down and be with her, be with her thoughts to share that with you, so yeah.

That's probably the best time to call her. That's right. Right. So, so you, are you still counseling then now with the Cara group? Yeah. I will, if Cara reaches out, they'll, I don't even, I don't even question it if, if they call me and say, Hey, we got somebody that we think is ideal for you. I'm like, okay.

Because I know that it, I'm to peer counsel that person. I know that is my mission and I wanna do it. And, you know, it's a quite, some people get scared, I wanna say some people are scared to say it out loud. I know I was, because with suicide it can be so heinous and some people are scared that they're gonna like, jar me.

You can't jar me. I've been jarred. No you can't. And I'm like, uh uh. I think that I can hold space for others. That. So, yeah, I wanna do that. They're like how do you continue to do this? I couldn't do this. And I'm like, are you kidding? So many people were there for me and did that for me. Strangers were there for me, that I wanna do that for others.

Always, always. You know, you often hear people say, well, they're my family. I thought they were gonna be there for me. They know, they know the intimate details, they know me, blah, blah, blah. But that's the thing is we're all, we all grieve differently and sometimes your family can't be there for you.

It's too much. Like, they'll be like, are you kidding? That was like a year ago. Are you still not over that? Like, I mean, I've heard it all. Oh my gosh. That's a, yeah, that's like you said, time means nothing to you in this. No. This realm. No. You said time. I heard you say in another interview we talked about time is a manmade thing.

Yeah. It's a manmade invention. You can be back there to the day after he died. Yeah. In you know. Yeah. And there's a day that doesn't go by that I don't think of him. And you know, sometimes I'm laughing, sometimes I'm mad, sometimes I'm like, whatever. But, i, I have learned so much and I, and I truly do like the person I am now, better than when we were together.

And that's, yeah. That is just what it is. What a price to pay. I. Oh, brutal price. Brutal price. Brutal price. You also do seem like a, a very gentle, I kinda laugh because gentle and compassionate soul. Yeah. And I was gonna add understanding because I've had several screw ups in our getting our interview together, which yeah, Linda don't, I hope she didn't tell you.

But, but also that just hearing the stories about what. Ronnie was like off stage. And in your relationship. That is interesting because it seemed like the two of you, you really meshed in that compassionate, gentle side of each other. And of course when you see him on stage and the brilliance that he put into his music, it's.

People are fascinating. And, and you and Ronnie, boy, that, that is very interesting because you also said a lot of people just, they can't do it. They don't know how to do it. To be there for someone like you can, so life is so strange. Destination unknown. Yeah. Yeah. And the thing I love about us was that he was my friend for.

A while, and I was intimidated at, when we first dated, I was like, oh my God, what am I doing? What am I doing? But I, I've always been the type of person, I'll talk to anyone. So I just started talking to him and and then I realized he's, he's a textural being, he has so much, so much to share and that is beyond or outside of the music.

And so we didn't. Really dabble and talk about that very much. And then definitely at home. And then I remember one day he said something at home when we had just gotten back off the road and he goes, well. You are married to Ronnie Montrez. I just like it on my, oh no dude. No. You're the dude that takes out the garbage.

No, you don't get to do that here. And he got the biggest grin on his That is hilarious. I'm like, no, not H. Not at our home. He'll pull that one here. No. How did you meet? I'm curious to know. We just met at a show and we started talking. Yeah, we started talking and then we talked on the phone. And then we had shared interests.

You know, we talk about life and, and art and movies and, you know, experiences and emotions. So we really did get. To know each other on that level, you know? And it was the first time, I have to say, I felt like I was being heard and listened to. So that was very very nice, you know, and kind, very kind, the most kind person for me that I had ever met.

Interesting. So, so many people have marriages, I don't know what to say, Loveless marriages. Marriages that suck. And you had this great relationship. It's, it is just, you know, yeah. Hard to put into words. We even, we weren't even fighting. That's like the day of his death. He made a wonderful breakfast for me and I said, I'll be back in two and a half hours.

Boom. You know? And I love you, all of that. And, that's why I say I really believe the wheels were in motion long before I had ever showed up. He had his own traumas that he did try to work through, but I don't dare speak too much on, on his behalf because it's not for me to tell his story. People were like, why don't you write a book, blah, blah, blah, over the years?

And I'm like, no, because no, that's not for me to say. I could write to you about trauma and grief and my life. And that's where I'll leave it, you know? Yeah. I think that's very wise. Yeah, you're right. You didn't know what he, his brain, his mind, his, whatever his experience was. But it's gotta be a mystery.

I mean, it, it has to be such a mystery that there were no signs. We talked about it's chemical. There's something different that goes on, and we agreed that artists live life on a deeper level and that's gotta be very painful. I mean, he was drinking a lot and I was worried about his longevity and I guess I was bullshitting myself too, because when you love somebody like that, you don't wanna see it.

You don't wanna see it. And so that I will call myself out on, and so, of. Of course. Now what I understand about alcoholism is you take it or it takes you, so it's gonna go one way or the other. And I didn't know how close we were to that. I didn't know. And and I had grown, grown up on my father's side of the family with, in that family tree with alcoholism.

So. So of course I didn't see it, you know? So was that, do you think that was an issue for him for his whole life or for the last years of his life, or just that brief period? I'm curious because people listening, we wanna know because everyone probably knows or has some experience with an alcoholic.

Oh yeah. I think just like, so what is this? Many people that have drank like that, he went in and out of it. I think he told me he didn't start drinking till he was 34 and he had a beaver or something. You know, it just wasn't his thing. And then and then I. I think more you know, being in the music scene, it, it, it is prevalent in their alcohol and it just tipped in the wrong direction one day and it was like a runaway train.

And, you know, I, I drank too, but I didn't, I. Think when I could stop, you know, and, and I was, but some people, you know, like, like depression, right? I could be depressed and then tomorrow I could be like, okay, I'm gonna pull myself outta that. But if you're clinically depressed, you can't. So I don't know what that's like.

And it was the same with alcohol. I was like, okay, this has gotta stop. It's a little too much. And he couldn't do that. It's hard to believe he could live in that world until he was 35 and not really be into alcohol or drugs. Yeah. 'cause he would, he said he would go back to the, the, the hotel room and like build circuit boards or rewire his amp or, you know.

Change something on his guitar. I mean, that was his thing. He loved that stuff. And I always said when he was the happiest was when he was like in his studio and it would be all quiet. And I'd walk by and he was soldering all day or whatever he was doing, and I'd go, oh, you're in your happy place. What an interesting man in the juxtaposition of hardcore rock and roll and, and his guitar playing, if you.

Listening, if you haven't heard his guitar playing, which you probably have somewhere, but maybe not, don't know. The connection. Listen, go to YouTube. It's amazing. So, yeah. Yeah. Or any of the, you know, albums and just playing one single note at a time. He said, you know, he would tell me that. So it was, I don't know much about music, but the way that he would play was very deliberate.

Giving each note a space. So that's interesting. That's interesting. So a couple years ago I started playing piano and I have my first re recital June 7th. Oh no. And it's gonna be me and a bunch of third graders. So there's one other old lady like me, but, but, but. My piano teacher's also a composer. She's very brilliant and gifted, and she talks about things like that that are on such a different level.

When you say giving each note its space. Yesterday because of the recital we were talking about that finesse and honoring the music and how it's so much more than the notes. So I, I just have a little bit of appreciation, but he's a genius, obviously. So all the thoughts that screwed that one from the music that he grew up listening to, you know, now what, what kind was that?

Well, jazz with his dad, so, I guess that's, I wish I had the names of the composers, the musicians right off the top of my head, but, I wanna say like Jerry Mulligan, there was some other ones he said but it, it helped him to hear music differently. So he could never read music. He could just play it really, and he would watch something on TV and hear something and then he could play that, you know?

I shouldn't say real, like I'm surprised because I do. That's That makes sense that it was so natural to him. Yeah. It wasn't like he needed some pictures on a page to play, and we would call him at home. We would call him a human jukebox because anything, he could just spit it out. He knew the words, every single word, every single tune, and you're like.

How do you do that? You know, but that, that just his, his passion and his craft, but that he was equally, whatever he did, he did it with all, every fiber of his being. It sounded like I. Yeah, we always, I always said, man, you should have been like an engineer because that's it. You have the mind of the engineer.

Even if we were cooking or building something or, you know, he would help me with my business. He's like, you have to look at it like this. And, you know, here's where it starts. Here's the middle, here's the ending. Here's how you wanna formulate this. And, and I always say he was my editor in writing my business letters because, I mean, think about it.

He is an editor, he is a, he's a songwriter. And so he would come and I said, I'm trying to say this. And he'd go, okay, so pull out these simple little words that you have. And he would clean it up. And I, and it made me look at the way I write now. I'm like, oh, okay. That makes way more sense. And he says, and, and he would say this with musicians too.

Think about what you're saying and why you're trying to say it. And then just focus the beam. Instead of trying to think of the words first. Mm-hmm. Interesting. Great. Distill it down. Focus. Focus. The beam was one of his favorite phrases. Well, it, I mean, what a fascinating man, and it sounds like you would, you know, you're still grateful that you had the time with him.

Mm-hmm. Even with all the pain and trauma. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't have yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What's that? What's that? That Garth Brooks song, the dance. That's, I think about that with us, you know, like I wouldn't have missed the chance because it's made me and, and gosh, to have to go through su suicide and trauma.

Oh man, I don't know. Could I have missed that? Yeah, I would've liked to. Yeah. Really could have taken that out, but, but it, you know, it's given you now a gift. I just, I always think, you know, I don't think that there's a silver lining, you know, and everything happens for a reason. All those things bs. Right?

But this has given you something that you can give to the world to give people that. Maybe wouldn't have someone who, someone who understands it like you do. So, so let's talk, just as we close up, I know you need to go. Just what would you tell listeners maybe about their own mental health or maybe how you have used this to, to inspire you to help others?

Would be a closing, I would just say you know how they say, I mean, to the extent that you can reach out, reach out, because I think there are people that want to help people you haven't even met. And there's resources out there. And, and only you can do it. You have to be willing and wanting to do it if you don't want to.

It's one way or the other. Nobody's getting out of here alive, so. You get to choose in each and every single moment. That's all I can say. And for me, I had always, you know, they say in business or whatever, in personal life, you know, think of somebody that you admire, that you'd like to em emulate, or three people and think of the components of that and learn that or be that, or, you know, learn from that, whatever.

And so for me, I just, I remember the officers that helped me that day and I reached out to them afterwards and I was like, how do you do this every day? I only saw this one day in my life. How do you do this? And they were like, well, we do this thing called critical incident stress management. And I was like, okay, so what is that?

So I needed to break that down and learn it, and that helped me to. Learn how to debrief and start to debrief myself and then get support to do that. And, and even if they deal with that every day, it's, it's not even remotely com comparable to what you dealt with when it's your person. Yeah. When it's your spouse.

For sure. Your husband, yeah. Strength. Yeah. But Well, you're still a delightful Thank you person who is not bitter. Who's very introspective, who's really found the positives. In all of this. And really it would be easier, I'm sure to curl up like in a ball. And as you said, time really doesn't have a meaning.

You could still be a, you know, bitter and angry and whatever, thinking this is all unfair. So I, I really admire you and I mean, I really appreciate you sharing all this with my listeners. So Lisa, really thank you so much for being on the podcast. Oh, it's my pleasure. One thing I, I just wanna say, 'cause you said bitter and angry, you know, bitter and angry is a prim.

Anger is a primal, emotion. And it, it's just a placeholder to shore up what's really behind there. And it's the other side of sadness. So if you could just break it down like that, you can, and you're willing to dismantle it, it's like, yeah, I could be really freaking angry about this. Also, and also I, I can be loving and compassionate and then learn from this and, and help myself.

And help others. So that's the way I look at those, you know, things and yeah. I'm glad we had this talk. Me too. Thank you so much, Lisa. I appreciate it. Welcome. Thank you. Thank you. We're good. Thanks for hanging in