Created to Be
The Created to Be podcast is hosted by Bethany Pigott, Justin Pigott, Darius Brown, and Brandi Morgan. Episodes incorporate what’s happening in FCA at Mississippi State, fun and lighthearted conversations that help you get to know the hosts and their guests, and real-life topics and themes being discussed with coaches and athletes.
Created to Be
FCA Reach, Gen Z Communication, and Relationship Boundaries
In this episode of the Created to Be podcast, Bethany, Justin, Darius, and Brandi share where they’re seeing FCA grow at Mississippi State and the lives being impacted through it. The conversation takes a fun turn as they try to decode popular Gen Z emojis—nailing some and getting completely stumped by others. They wrap up with a thoughtful discussion on seasons of isolation, the value of singleness, and the importance of setting healthy boundaries in relationships.
References in the episode:
Brandi's reference of another podcast can be found here.
Bethany's reference of a book about relational brain skills can be here.
Send us your comments! Either use the comment link above or email mississippistatefca@gmail.com.
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Speaker 1
[00.00.00]
And the Lord told me, in that place, you're going to get to know two people, yourself and me.
Speaker 2
[00.00.13]
Welcome to another week of the Created to Be podcast. I'm your host, Bethany Pigott. Join again by Justin Pigott, my husband. Hey, Darius "Doc" Brown. Yes, ma'am. And Brandy Morgan. Hello. And we're going to extend the conversation we had last week about relationships and do a little bit something different with the stretch time this week. But before we get into all of that, we wanted to share some numbers that we've kind of accumulated over the past week just so the reach of FCA, because we actually didn't have FCA this past week. Women's basketball started their season. And so we were at that. We encouraged people to go support the women's basketball team. And thankfully we did have some students say, hey, what happened? Why do we do FCA? So we know that people are engaged in wanting that and keep coming to us and asking us when the next one's going to be. But Justin, you had some numbers that we accumulated that I thought we could share in this time just for people to kind of get an idea of like the reach of FCA.
Speaker 3
[00.01.03]
Yeah, yeah. So we're just kind of calculating numbers just to kind of see where we're at. And, you know, in regards to athletes, there's 350 athletes roughly. And if you throw cheer and dance and the mascots, that's another. 90 athletes to that. So it's like 440. Um, but if you look at the overall in like reach, I mean, we're reaching over 300. If you include the cheer and all of them as well. I mean, we're up to 400 or so. Uh, which is awesome. And and in that there's over 100 right now that are engaged. Um, if you include the others. Sorry, I'm just not numbers. At least 120 athletes that are engaged in some way, the FCA. So that's exciting. And, uh, and then our coach relationships are continuing to grow. And, uh, with us being here multiple years and, uh, and not a ton of turnover on the coaching side. So those relationships are growing and, uh, and trust is being built and, uh, we're just thankful for that. It's been a lot of fun. Uh, I think, you know, football's had a lot of growth in the coaches Bible study. We've had some growth in the the men's and women's side, um, of Bible studies and, and just times of sharing that we've had over the last few weeks. And so it's been a it's been a lot of fun.
Speaker 1
[00.02.13]
I have to say this great numbers. But you said something that just got my gears going and I can't stop thinking about it. They asked us. And this is not a. This is not a disrespect to the mascots, but we would consider them athletes.
Speaker 3
[00.02.31]
There are nine mascots
Speaker 1
[00.02.33]
and you have to be athletic to be a mascot.
Speaker 3
[00.02.36]
Yeah. Have you seen what they do?
Speaker 2
[00.02.38]
I mean, go around waving smiles.
Speaker 4
[00.02.40]
I hear 30s.
Speaker 2
[00.02.42]
They do not have a fan. Have you ever worn a full body suit? Like I have not. Okay. Flashback to my childhood. My parents led children's church and my dad got in a full body dog costume to do these skits. And I'm pretty sure it had a fan in the. That's how I even knew that existed. So when one of the guys that is a mascot came to FCA, I said, you got to tell me, I I've wanted to know, do you have a fan? He said, no. So you got to think about those games where at the beginning of the year, especially football, when it's blazing hot outside and they are just wearing it in that suit for hours. And
Speaker 1
[00.03.17]
that's why I said I wanted to eat because
Speaker 2
[00.03.19]
he got me hydrated.
Speaker 1
[00.03.20]
Well, he included them and I wasn't really trying to be disrespectful, I really was. But I was just thinking like. Athletic, I guess I don't think about athletic and mascot.
Speaker 2
[00.03.31]
Yeah. I would also like to know what their tryouts look like. Oh, I know what a
Speaker 3
[00.03.34]
training show like. I'm there to go into my mascot suit in a sauna, and I have to get 30 minutes of training today. You know, I don't know. That's what I feel like.
Speaker 1
[00.03.44]
But do you have the show to show that I'm ready to be the mascot? Like what? Athletic. And I guess that's just kind of, you know, we're
Speaker 2
[00.03.52]
gonna have to get one. Yeah, we'll get the
Speaker 3
[00.03.55]
podcast. But I know we talk about athletes and coaches, but, um, in that. And then we got the mascots. But if you include obviously more beyond that, you got the athletic trainers, you've got the managers, you've got the the gaze,
Speaker 2
[00.04.05]
you've got the trainers, strength
Speaker 3
[00.04.07]
trainers. I mean, there's so many moving parts to all these different programs. And um, and it's really awesome. I think from our side we could speak into this a long time. We don't need to. But those stories are so unique. We focus on the athlete and the coach and all that stuff. But it's like one thing I've I've told everybody from day one is like, every person in here matters. I do not care. Um, if you were meeting with Josh Hubbard or if you're meeting with somebody else, uh, like, I mean, we yes, we love Josh and Josh is amazing. Um, but that athletic trainer is a big deal to you, right? Right. So, are the managers a
Speaker 2
[00.04.37]
big deal? When Scott was in here and you were sharing his numbers, what was the number totaled? Staff. This is not coaches. I mean, but just for football alone. We were all like, okay.
Speaker 3
[00.04.46]
He said 58 coaches and staff. And then they have 111 players. Look at that today. 58 yeah. And that's not including who else did he share with that. It wasn't including managers and athletic trainers and nutrition and all those things. That was just. Analyst. Gea's position. Coaches?
Speaker 2
[00.05.11]
Yes, and that's what I was going to say. I'm realizing, too, with men's basketball, when you talk about the coaches, the analysts and all of those people. Mhm. It's just as many of them as it is players. Right. Like seriously. So when you know, I just think about having that opportunity to be in the locker room and you looking around and it's like okay, there's a lot of people in here, but all of them aren't actually connected to the to the program. They're all contributing
Speaker 1
[00.05.38]
to something and so forth. And they
Speaker 3
[00.05.40]
all have significant roles, like athletic trainers to me are some of the most impactful and strength coaches, um, athletic trainers catch people in their worst times. Yeah, they're trying to get them back. Um, again, you got an athlete that identity is so wrapped up in getting on that court, getting on that field. Athletic trainers are a big part of getting them back, but he also like talking him off the ledge, speaking life into him every day. Build ups as you're working through all the mess to get back on to that field. And then even the strength coach, the strength coach spends a lot of time with the athlete, um, can have a lot of time to speak into that athlete. And, um, I just remember how impactful my strength coach was here and making me love the weight room. Yeah. You know, and, uh, and that relationship was dynamic for me. So, uh, these, these roles and what they do are so, so important. And I notice even the nutritionist and some of their roles, um, Mary Elizabeth has done a great job transitioning. I call her out. I notice a lot of the volleyball girls are in her office, and she's just speaking life and encouraging them. So it's just it's neat to see their roles. They there's a lot of them that are hidden missionaries. We're the one that has the label. Um, but there are some, some ones in there that are really just loving on them. Well, and, uh, probably behind the scenes praying for them and, um, and it's just, uh, it's yeah, it's awesome. We see ourselves being multiplied all over the place, whether it's us doing that or not. That's not the point. But it's just it's neat hearing all those stories.
Speaker 2
[00.07.04]
Yeah, great. So in our staff meeting, too, there was a question about what do you mean, Justin? By reached or engaged. So can you clarify that? Yeah. Reach
Speaker 1
[00.07.12]
is just like somebody that's participated in a chapel, um, that has been, uh, met us in some way. Maybe it's been in a meeting, uh, where we've gotten to know them, or maybe a team meeting where we got to present and share about FCA, things like that. So we're we're almost reaching the entire athletic department in that regard. And somebody that's engaged and somebody has been to something 3 to 4 times, something that we have put on, whether it be a huddle, a small group, a team meal, uh, different things like that. So, uh, yeah, just.
Speaker 3
[00.07.41]
That's kind of how we evaluate the the difference between reach and
Speaker 2
[00.07.44]
engage. We would hope that there's not an athlete on this campus that would not know that there's FCA. We'd hope so. Right. Yes. And we think that we're close. If
Speaker 3
[00.07.55]
not, we could be way off. But yeah, I think I think I'm pretty close.
Speaker 2
[00.07.58]
Yeah. Because we do we thankfully we have a lot of support. And you know, we're invited at least to that one team meeting if we're not super, you know, involved with the program. And so you hope those athletes remember hey FCA is here. Yeah.
Speaker 3
[00.08.11]
Yeah. And I mean, something you can add to this too is I get like, yes, we want to reach everybody. I mean, FCA's mission is to lead every coach and athlete to a growing relationship with Jesus Christ and his church. Like, okay. Yes. Um, but I remember being here with Coach Leach in that year that he passed. And before then we lost a football player. Sam Westmoreland took his life. And, uh, that was really tough, um, for the athletic department, everyone. And that at that point, I was just like, you know what? I'm gonna have enough staff here to where we can meet every single athlete that comes on this campus to be a face to face meeting of some sort, to where they know they're not alone. Now, whether the FCA staff person is the one that is the life changing moment, they just know they have somebody else in their corner and they have another lifeline available for them. And uh, and so and here we are, you know, three years later and we have, you know, eight staff and, and we're able to serve in that capacity and be and grow in depth with these relationships.
Speaker 2
[00.09.06]
Yeah. It's pretty
Speaker 3
[00.09.07]
awesome. Yeah. Saving physical lives. Saving spiritual lives. Yeah. That's why
Speaker 2
[00.09.10]
we're here. That's awesome. So today we're going to talk about relationships part two because we actually record on Thursdays release on Tuesday. So this will be after the Monday Huddle and Monday. We are going to have a relationship form where we talk about the themes that kind of came up with the questions that were submitted were about loneliness and boundaries. So that's a little tease for what's to come at the end of the podcast. But before we do that, a few FCA updates. Brandi's talked about it the past couple of podcasts. We're going to have a pickleball tournament on November 22nd. That registration should be coming out very soon. So look at MSU, FCA when this podcast comes out and it should be up hopefully by then so that you can register and then college get away. This is for college athletes will be January 30th through February 1st, and we probably won't wear everybody out with that announcement. But just want to throw that out there for anyone listening that can participate in that. That's for Mississippi college athletes. So we're always excited about that. It's always a great time and we're about to have a great time in this stretch time. Because actually, before we get into this stretch, the past conversation about longest games, I wanted to know if Brandy or Darius watched the end of the World Series, because it was funny how the podcast came out after we talked about the 18 inning game, and then the World Series ended on that weekend after we recorded, and then we released the podcast. So it was kind of like the sink was a little bit off with like the timing of how things panned out, but we can still go back and talk about the 1111 inning game that happened to seal the deal for the Dodgers. And so I just wanted to know, whenever we were watching that game, I told Justin, you need to text Brandon Darius right now and see if they're watching this. Because all the things that we talked
Speaker 3
[00.10.56]
about, come on guys, don't let me down.
Speaker 4
[00.10.58]
All right. So I didn't watch the whole game but I did watch the end of the game. Did you
Speaker 2
[00.11.02]
think about it though because of our conversation?
Speaker 4
[00.11.05]
Oh yeah, for sure I did. Um, and we had a lot going on, but when I realized that it was on, I was like, oh my gosh, I got a watch and I watched. I don't know, I would say the best innings, but I
Speaker 2
[00.11.16]
don't. Y'all went the whole watch at the in it. Yeah, yeah, oh yeah yeah. Like
Speaker 4
[00.11.20]
there were so many crucial plays that I was like oh wow. This is what the save the game. Yes,
Speaker 1
[00.11.24]
yes. Well I watched it. Uh, the ending with Brandy. Um, watch the ending. I wanted to see how it ended. And then, you know, how you watch, uh, ESPN after someone wins the World Series, and once they get the last out, they just start throwing their gloves up and do so I. I was like, I can't miss this moment. And, uh, and then for them to be in extra innings, it made my mind go back to what we had recently discussed. And, uh, it was just. And then it was amazing because even though I didn't watch the the fullness of the game, I was on edge like, I it was so intense, like I was on edge. And, um, I was glad that the Dodgers pulled something in me just was going for the Dodgers. I don't know what it was, but I was, I was yeah, I was like, I want I want him because it looked like. This the Blue Jays was about to get. They was about to get the victory. It was. Yeah. And so I'm like but when he got that out and he just kind of looked up like he was grateful. And the teammates like that was a big moment for me to just be able to say, I witnessed that. I didn't witness the 18 inning, but I witnessed that.
Speaker 2
[00.12.31]
So yeah, well, it's funny because in that other podcast I was like, I mean, the Dodgers haven't won since they won the 18 inning game. And then by the time the podcast came,
Speaker 1
[00.12.39]
they just did. So
Speaker 2
[00.12.40]
I was like, well, okay, um, yeah, that was such a good game. And we, I mean, I, I didn't feel the best like I've had this cold. And so I was sitting in my chair like, uh, and then it was getting close to Blue Jays, almost warming, but I jumped out of my chair and started whenever there was a solo home run that I think tied it up. I was freaking out. I was like, Bethany is finally a baseball fan. I think it's
Speaker 1
[00.13.04]
happening. Do you think it's coming now? Well, she might be like me, like if it's just a regular game, but it's something about the College World Series or. Things like that. It's just, I don't know, it just has a way of pulling me in. But I will say this, Justin, I do believe it's because I don't sometimes I don't know what I'm looking at. Right? So if you don't really understand what you're looking at. It's kind of like it. It it adds to the level of me being disinterested sometimes because it's like I'm watching something, but I don't know what I'm watching. Now, over time, you start picking up on things like a full count. Uh, you know, they he got it out of the strike zone. Uh, it's like, okay, what what are what are they doing? But something about the the, I guess the magnitude of the moment that pulls me in and it's like, okay, the stakes
Speaker 2
[00.13.52]
are high. There's so many situations that I didn't I had I was so ignorant of whatever I was watching baseball that whenever Justin was playing, I had to learn to like, like the game ish. And so Justin would explain, though, when there's no movement happening, what's actually happening even though you're not seeing movement, you know, this guy has just walked this guy. So now, or hit the batter and now he's got to deal with this runner. And like all the things that are happening even though nobody's moving. And so yeah, that made it a little bit more interesting for me. Yeah. So yeah, he's helped me I love
Speaker 3
[00.14.24]
baseball, I love it, but I will admit it was probably the best series I've
Speaker 2
[00.14.28]
ever seen. Basketball season has started and my heart swelled. Last night I was so pumped.
Speaker 3
[00.14.33]
So Bethany's alive again.
Speaker 2
[00.14.35]
Yeah, I love that. But the stretch time today, one of the things we just want to call this the stretch time because, you know, there's things that will like come up that will notice that we're like, you know, we should pause on that and think about that a little bit more. And we kind of talked about this a little bit on the last episode. But just how Snapchat, Instagram, uh, what else? So we talked about tick tock, tick tock when we were talking about this Twitter. Yeah. On those sports moments hashtags like
Speaker 1
[00.15.03]
x I'm sorry I'm on
Speaker 2
[00.15.04]
X. How like just how those things like, make, you know, you're able to go back to watch those clips. And so then you missed the whole thing. So we were talking about it in that context. But as things have come up with students, Justin and I have just had, you know, off the cuff conversations about the whole idea of how Gen Z communicates. And I like to, you know, really embrace how awesome I think being a millennial is. I know that we get a bad rap for certain things.
Speaker 1
[00.15.34]
We're like on the very front.
Speaker 3
[00.15.37]
So I we're kind of like, I don't know. Well, me more than you being a 84. You're an 87. You're in it more
Speaker 2
[00.15.43]
than me. Yeah. But like, it's like we can remember. I can remember when, like, the doll up internet happened. Yeah. You know, I can remember phones being on the wall, having the sound call your friend from the house phone. Like I remember that, but then also young enough to embrace technology. I mean, I didn't have my first brick Nokia phone that I had to share my sister until my junior year of high school. He had to share it. How did that work? In the same grade? So like it was mainly just, you know, I mean, and we could drive, she could drive. So it wasn't like, you know, it wasn't like you were having to be somewhere and you didn't have phone like we were always. We were doing basketball together. We were doing stuff together. So we always needed it for like if we needed arm real quick or something. Got Greg phone. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3
[00.16.27]
Okay, I brought you, I relaxed, you know, you gotta click three times to get to the a, b c c okay. Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. But that again that you know you had this You could start texting. I know that was like an additional charge or whatever, you know, but that was a change in how we communicated. And then that's how what we embraced our generation. But then we have this other way of like it's already emerged but continuing to emerge, how this next generation communicates next with each other. And so we're going to talk about that because there's just some like really interesting things. Do some pros and cons. The first thing I wanted to ask you guys and hopefully this is accurate. And if there are some college athletes, college students, age Gen Zers listening, y'all feel free to correct us. But they
Speaker 2
[00.17.16]
will. This is that's not going to be an issue. Um, but I had these I saw on an article like some emojis that are used in text messaging. And I just wanted to see who knows what these are because I missed some of them for sure. Okay, so if somebody puts a skull and a in conversation with you, if they send you a skull, maybe it's just solo or just like with a few words. What do you think that means? Like
Speaker 3
[00.17.43]
I got crushed. Yeah, got crushed like you just got crushed. Like. Or they whatever. It's
Speaker 4
[00.17.50]
like thinking like I'm dead.
Speaker 1
[00.17.51]
Yeah. Like something later. Something in a
Speaker 4
[00.17.54]
negative kind of. Yeah. You say negative or a positive. Like if you. Send something that's, like, really funny. Like I'm dead.
Speaker 2
[00.17.59]
Yeah. Ding ding ding. Yes. I was going to say negative because I guess when she said both I just seen it in both ways. Yeah. Like like somebody could text me and be like such and such. She really messed up when she's saying today. Yeah. And then they send the skull and like or I may reply with the skull like, yeah, it wasn't good.
Speaker 1
[00.18.20]
You get what I'm saying. So it's just kind of I guess depends. But
Speaker 2
[00.18.23]
yeah, that's what it said on here often used to for extreme laughter being dead
Speaker 1
[00.18.27]
for. Gotcha.
Speaker 3
[00.18.29]
Yeah. Like you just got crushed. Like they just blew you up with that joke or something. Like, that's kind of what I was. I
Speaker 2
[00.18.34]
was thinking, okay. Yeah, but you were
Speaker 1
[00.18.36]
tracking with me. But yeah, as you can see, we're already showing that the difference in generation.
Speaker 2
[00.18.40]
You're the. That's right. Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna hear
Speaker 4
[00.18.45]
you. Right. But I do have brain agers.
Speaker 2
[00.18.47]
I was about to say brain. That's what I'm like inside of the table. What about a clown face?
Speaker 1
[00.18.54]
Okay. How long a clown face. I don't get clown faces much.
Speaker 4
[00.19.01]
Uh, I don't typical your clowning.
Speaker 2
[00.19.04]
I don't know.
Speaker 1
[00.19.06]
Yeah, I mean, that's what I would suggest. Like, something that's just still connected with something of amusement or joke or something of that
Speaker 2
[00.19.15]
nature, I guess. No. Um, yeah. You sarcastically to call something or someone ridiculous. Okay. Um, okay. This one should be pretty easy. You know, the face. Y'all can't see me. Who's listening? But like them? It's like a it says pleading face. Why? You would use that?
Speaker 1
[00.19.34]
I think we should add a picture of emojis to it. I know, maybe I should, like, make it like this.
Speaker 4
[00.19.44]
I mean, they're sad.
Speaker 1
[00.19.47]
Can't you see? You can't cheat, though. I'm not gonna cheat, I promise. Okay. This.
Speaker 2
[00.19.53]
Yeah, this.
Speaker 1
[00.19.55]
Now that face, when I got that face, it has been more like. Sometimes something's, um. Something that could be heartwarming. Like. Like just. So you send me a picture of Ben and your children, and it kind of gets to me, and I can send that emotion. That's
Speaker 4
[00.20.13]
that's. Yeah,
Speaker 2
[00.20.14]
that's normally what I would support.
Speaker 1
[00.20.16]
Yeah, that's. I've seen that. Or if something is, um, that or if something is sad, you know you can. So um but but but
Speaker 2
[00.20.25]
yeah there's now like our a plea for something like please. Like, you see like a puffy
Speaker 4
[00.20.30]
face. Yeah, yeah. I'm okay. What about. I think we could all get this one, like the fire emoji. Like that was lit.
Speaker 2
[00.20.38]
Holly and Brandy. They're gonna go brandy. Read my notes. No. Just kidding. She knows. What about, um, like the eyeballs? I don't know why I said
Speaker 1
[00.20.47]
oh. Just eyes. Oh, it's shocking information. I can't believe this. Is this really true? Yeah, like that type
Speaker 2
[00.20.55]
of stuff. I would use it. I've used it like I use the example. One of the track athletes was on the jumbotron and I was at the game, and I just sent her. I think I just sent her eyeballs like I saw that. So I don't necessarily use it. And I think I've seen it.
Speaker 3
[00.21.10]
It was like, if I send a message to somebody or something, it's like an unexpected, like, look at that. Like,
Speaker 2
[00.21.17]
yeah, I think you're using it the right way. Okay. This one is a little bit tricky because I don't know this language, but like a baseball cap. The baseball cap. Cap is somebody. Cap it. Oh,
Speaker 4
[00.21.30]
yeah. Like they're lying.
Speaker 1
[00.21.31]
Yeah. Yeah. You cabin. Oh,
Speaker 2
[00.21.34]
I don't know. Know what I know? Yeah. Like no cap. Yes,
Speaker 1
[00.21.39]
cap. That's cab. Yeah. I've never eaten like somebody. It could be like. So to help you, just. If you don't know, I feel like when I'm 63, you know? That's cap.
Speaker 4
[00.21.49]
Okay. You. Captain, it took me two years ago to figure out what bet meant. So, you know, I don't know.
Speaker 1
[00.21.56]
I mean,
Speaker 2
[00.21.58]
I do. I tell them one day, you were told one day by some baseball guys you had a outfit on.
Speaker 3
[00.22.03]
Yeah. Girl outfit. It was like, oh, it's gray outfit. It's like it's just a
Speaker 2
[00.22.06]
gray outfit. Gray on gray. Gray
Speaker 3
[00.22.07]
on gray on gray. It's a growl.
Speaker 1
[00.22.09]
Fish. Nah, I never heard that
Speaker 2
[00.22.11]
growl. Please. Like, I like that. I like it a lot. Like, man, I love how to outfit him. You know what? I thought he was gonna say? A grandpa outfit?
Speaker 1
[00.22.19]
Yeah, like
Speaker 2
[00.22.22]
I don't even know, so.
Speaker 1
[00.22.24]
No, but no, no, he's not at the. He's not at the grandpa stage. And a growl fit. That's that's nice though. That's nice. Right a growl fit
Speaker 2
[00.22.33]
okay. So the last one is like the emoji with the like tears stream.
Speaker 4
[00.22.38]
Okay. Now you know it's two level. It's two emojis with tears rolling with the it's a straight down. Oh that's he said something that's hurtful heartbreaking.
Speaker 2
[00.22.49]
Yeah it is. But you have another no I had okay. Apparently it's like extreme emotion. It's like okay not necessarily sadness but like just gathering okay. Beyond a normal level. Sadness. Yeah I know that you looked up some stats just in, but I saw I was looking at like, what are the most used? And it's like TikTok, Snapchat, Instagram and YouTube actually, um, but TikTok is for sure. Like where I have not downloaded TikTok. I'm still on like a I won't do it. But people say that they find that's where they find their products, that's where they find new things. And then of course, the dances, which I feel like that took off, or
Speaker 4
[00.23.28]
whatever you call I got I taught eighth grade last year and that is all they did. Yeah.
Speaker 2
[00.23.32]
Yeah. So I mean, like that's even funny that it's like a noun. Like all they did was TikTok's like, that's a thing, you know? Um,
Speaker 3
[00.23.40]
nothing has ever really interested me about getting TikTok for me, so that's why I just have
Speaker 4
[00.23.45]
not. The only thing is, like, I got on
Speaker 2
[00.23.48]
during Covid because me and my kids and Brett sometimes did those dances. But like when you swipe, you never know what's coming next. So like all of a sudden a cuss word would come out on something and I'm like, I have my kids sitting beside me. I don't necessarily want them to hear that on my phone, so I deleted
Speaker 4
[00.24.04]
it after that. But that was just and you might can control it, I
Speaker 2
[00.24.07]
don't know, right? Maybe there's some settings or exact
Speaker 4
[00.24.10]
settings. Let me know. Yeah, there
Speaker 2
[00.24.11]
are settings that you can kind of influence what you want to see. Now, I was not a, uh, I was a late to the party with TikTok, with, uh, the people that I'm surrounded by. They was on it. But Imma tell you this just. And this is what pulls you in with TikTok. Okay? Okay. I'm
Speaker 1
[00.24.29]
serious. Don't do it. What happens is you end up. Running into something that enters you.
Speaker 2
[00.24.36]
And do you have an example
Speaker 1
[00.24.38]
okay. So like he talks about baseball and there may be the intricate parts of baseball that he likes. And then there may be um, certain athletes that he like. And they are doing what we're doing, like podcasting with videos and they're talking about different scenarios, different, uh, how I was feeling in those moments. And that has the ability to kind of pull them in and it's like, okay. And then you kind of get connected to those people. You get connected to those different things now. So that I'm saying, like, that's kind of what happened with me. It's like I'm on TikTok. I use it for, um, and, and it's crazy I got on there. So I'll just share this with you. I posted a video on TikTok by accident. I'm like, well, I don't want to say by accident, but I did it. I did it just to do it. Well what happened? I'm on Facebook like I did. It took the TikTok app off.
Speaker 2
[00.25.35]
What was it? So
Speaker 1
[00.25.36]
it was a it was a video literally of me in my house playing around singing, okay. And I just was playing with that. So what happened? I deleted the app on my phone. Well, I'm on Facebook months and months later and it's like everybody keeps sharing this video from TikTok. And what happened? Somebody scream recorded the video and posted it on the iPhone. I can't stand that's a pet peeve of mine. We do that like they scream instead of just sharing it. They screen recorded it and posted it so it looked like the video was from them. But because people knew me, they started tagging me in it and and they had so many hits. So when I went back to TikTok, one video, I already had like 7000 followers. Like, yeah. So it's like I have one video and
Speaker 2
[00.26.26]
so could you share this podcast on that TikTok? I can,
Speaker 1
[00.26.29]
I can share because I have actually on that account I've actually shared, uh, I can do it, but I've actually shared, uh, like certain, uh, FCA moments that we have had and, and like, you see the, the hits from it because it's really in time with a lot of things today. But I'm saying it's shopping or like learning how to do stuff like podcasts and learning what to get, where to go and shop from, like getting information like it's just an information hub. But if you it's like what you said, you do have to put on that stipulation. If you
Speaker 2
[00.27.04]
look mainly at one thing with your feed or
Speaker 4
[00.27.07]
whatever that's called is
Speaker 2
[00.27.08]
mostly that's like is
Speaker 4
[00.27.10]
mostly where you spend most your time is what they feed you.
Speaker 1
[00.27.13]
Uh, yes. A lot of times that's what's going on constantly. But
Speaker 2
[00.27.16]
what is so different about it than Instagram?
Speaker 1
[00.27.19]
So TikTok is short videos. Instagram A lot of times, even though they have in short videos,
Speaker 2
[00.27.26]
Instagram talk only videos.
Speaker 1
[00.27.29]
Mostly. So it's like mostly videos. Uh, and then people actually doing like, lives because some people on there, like if they're selling stuff, they're on there, like actually going live promoting and doing like real live shows of, hey, if you want this in the they post it and then look in the comments. Okay. Uh, Miss Gladys 33. Okay. Just put it like it looks like it's like stuff like that. So it's kind of like they're very similar. I mean, they're very similar. It's almost like Instagram and YouTube came together, uh,
Speaker 2
[00.28.05]
and brought in. Sometimes it's like it's more about, like sharing information. It
Speaker 1
[00.28.10]
is is sharing information. I'm gonna say that sharing information, inviting people into your space.
Speaker 2
[00.28.16]
Um, but do people use it personally like you do? Like, here's our Easter photos. Here's this. They do.
Speaker 1
[00.28.22]
Yes. So it's like it. That's why I say it's Instagram. It's TikTok to me. It's like Instagram, Snapchat and YouTube all in one. Is and and and it's an art to it. I started noticing even with posting videos, most of the videos that get most hits right ten 15
Speaker 2
[00.28.39]
seconds tons, right? He put two minute three minute video unless unless that person has a great audience already. But most of the videos that go viral and it's like, like, I'll give you these example, there's a, um, there's a viral like, so just say you post something, you could be like, oh, wow,
Speaker 1
[00.28.58]
I can take your sign on and put it with another video. And it keeps the and and but I'm gonna say this, it's funny because it's like, um, there's a sound that's viral viral right now. And everybody
Speaker 2
[00.29.10]
say you're saying a sound
Speaker 1
[00.29.11]
like a sound bite. So, um, it's a sound bite this viral right now that says nothing be subjected to holiday. Yeah. It's so, so, so this is the thing. Every time you hear that sound bite, most of the time the video is connected to is, um, something funny or something crazy. So when you hear that nothing be subjected to a holiday, it could be somebody sitting in the chair and falling out of the chair or somebody slipping down the steps. So it's like, it's very interesting. Now, I will say this, I've had to learn this because I was not a TikTok person at first, but it can be very time consuming. Oh yeah. Because it's it's amazing how the little 15 second interval videos can turn it to two hours, right, of just scrolling and looking and scrolling. And there's a lot of information it really is. So I just, you know, it's too easy on everybody.
Speaker 2
[00.30.03]
Well, you mentioned that it's an art form. So as I was reading yeah, y'all, I had to read up on stuff because I don't live this. But as I was researching that by the people are like, that's part of the draw with the generation is that it is an art form. Like that. They they want the communication. Like when I have that brick phone and I'm having to push three times to get to a certain letter before I go to the next one. I'm not thinking about curating art in my text message, but like that's kind of what it's pushing towards. It sounds like, is it's not just me telling Brandy, hey, this is what's going on in my day. It's like showing her like, I want to like, make it expressive and how my day is going, you know what I'm saying? And so then what's what's kind of ties into that ambiguous space of interpretation is I was thinking about what art is supposed to do, and I didn't grow up learning this stuff because it was very much like, you play sports, you work hard for what you get. That there wasn't much interpreting things going on in my home like, this is just not what I grew up in. But when you go to museums and stuff, you're supposed to be able to, I think, look at a piece of art, look at it for a while and basically think about life. What does this mean to me? What is this saying to me? And that's a huge space of interpretation, that Brandi could look at the art And you could and you could and I could. And we'd all walk away with completely different interpretation. And so that's where I think that I think that it's cool that you could create some kind of art form through communicating, but also you're making this bigger space for how this could be interpreted, which then has so many different issues. It's not just, hey, Darius, I did this today, and that's just where the interpretation stops. It could be so many things in between and things taken out of context and all this stuff because we're trying to create all this art. And now I feel like I feel like it causes people to, uh, you can see it, uh, people get overindulged and then it almost calls or creates different personalities with the same person because, you know, you know, because it starts off as I'm maybe just showing this, but then as your audience grows, people start wanting more, right then you feel the responsibility to be a theme. That initially started with you being you,
Speaker 1
[00.32.29]
right? You get on me. It's it's like a it becomes a brand. It started out as me Darius doctor person. Now it's it's a brand now I got and and and I'm going to say this, I just feel like, uh. Besides. Jesus, too much of anything can be dangerous.
Speaker 2
[00.32.45]
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And and and
Speaker 1
[00.32.46]
I and I've had to go through moments where, uh, I am disconnecting because it's really just not healthy. You know, you you like, it's not always healthy because you you gotta think you're always being introduced to something else,
Speaker 2
[00.33.02]
right? You. It doesn't stop. It doesn't. What do you think of all this, Justin? I liked your perspective on the art very much. That made me appreciate a little bit more, but I still am just stuck in the whole, like, relational maturity world that can only get ironed out through just face to face and being in situations and things that get said to you. And you have to choose and learn how to not be offended and to be able to have a conversation. And that's I don't I don't know if this can shortcut that at all. I like the artwork and then I think it's good. I think I think you can go back to the past of like art was significant in word form and the way people could write it out like authors and things, and they could paint a picture for you and tell a story which storytelling is still very, very important. People still writing books. This is like a whole different perspective of now adding, um, just into videos to pictures through. I don't know a variety of things. I'm not real artsy in that world, but I get. I get what you're saying. So I do have a, I guess, a greater appreciation. Digital creative. Yeah. You have some thoughts,
Speaker 4
[00.34.06]
Frannie. I mean, I, I mean, I think it could be cool. I would fall in the world of I would get sucked in and spend way too much time, and I just don't have the time. Right. So I'm like, how if we say we're as busy as we say we are? Sure. How do we find the space to do it? Right. That's where I fall in. Like, you know, if I if I can't find time to read my word, or I can't find time to do whatever needs to be done, I'm off the floor or whatever. Like, how can I find time to sit down for 30 minutes and scroll, even if it's unintentional? Yeah. Like, I think
Speaker 2
[00.34.38]
that I that's how I would think. But what I'm wondering, this is where we need younger people maybe to chime in, but it's like they don't even have that distinction. Like I, they just know this is what communication is, right? Like I'm sending a message and and there's always a sender receiver and an interpretation. And I don't know that, you know, how do you know what Darius intended with those words or that picture or that video is how I received it. You know, and so that it's funny, I was talking about with Justin yesterday how when we were first, I didn't know that we were dating yet, but I remember distinctly being on the bus, going to a basketball on a basketball trip, and I had texted Justin something, and then I'm just on the bus. So, you know, there's all this, like, just cancer. Now, Justin and I'm looking at this and I'm like, when's he gonna answer? He's not answering yet. And then, Justin, if you've received a message from him, text message. There's no fluff. Like it's just gonna be information. And so even with that, I was saying that that was like probably the biggest part of, like, he was so straightforward. He wouldn't add any kind of, like, warmth to it or like whatever. And so I'm having to figure out, does this guy like me like I can't?
Speaker 3
[00.35.51]
Apparently I was pretty boring back in the day. I don't like that. No, but
Speaker 2
[00.35.56]
but I'm just saying that's that's serious. That's the space. That's the ambiguity. That was there was just a straightforward text message I'm having instead. And so I'm thinking there's more to it than there actually. And he's like, I'm just meaning what I said. Like, I just said what I meant. Yeah. But when you add all these other creative elements to it, how much more space for interpretation there is that I'm like, that's a lot to have to navigate to make sure that messages are being interpreted the way the sending the person sending them meant them to be. Yeah, but that's why I think, uh, the, the communication between generations are important because like, I was listening to what Brenda was saying and she was like, she would get sucked in. If I don't have time. Why can't I find time to? But I think with the younger generation, we have to realize, like. They came into a world
Speaker 1
[00.36.48]
that was already operating like what they're in.
Speaker 2
[00.36.51]
Yeah. So they don't know different.
Speaker 1
[00.36.53]
Right. So. So it's like. It's like what my grandparents trying to tell me. Right. We didn't have a TV in the house. We turned the radio on and we just listened to the baseball game. You know, like. And you. And it's almost like expecting me to comprehend that when I've come into a world where we've always had a colored TV, like we always have phones, we always like to to think about, like. And I, I'm like this, we got like GPS now. I remember like when I was smaller, my grandparents, my parents would get the big map out like. And so I'm saying you think about trying to do that today like. And so I'm saying sometimes they don't uh, I feel like they don't understand the aspect of, uh, or they may not be able to relate to the aspect of I don't have time for something that I've always been a part of. It's like, how can you know? And so that's where sometimes the communication between generations where it's like, hey, okay, you said that you don't have time. I'm just going to say this to reach or buy. And these apps do this. These apps can show you how much time I've been on them. Then they also have a way where I. I don't know if it's like this with all of the apps, but I know, like Facebook has a way where you can shut down, you can put a setting on there where you can't get on. Right. Once this particular time happened. So it's like being able to have that personal just communication says, okay, you didn't have no time to read your Bible, but you went to practice healthily. You did your work and then you spend three hours on TikTok.
Speaker 2
[00.38.38]
Yeah,
Speaker 1
[00.38.39]
like I know what I'm saying. But that a lot of times comes through personal because I'll say this
Speaker 2
[00.38.45]
this morning and I'm saying this as it relates to this, this morning, like, God, start dealing with me. Like you're saying, you're spending time with me, but you're really just listening to another preacher preach.
Speaker 1
[00.38.59]
Mhm.
Speaker 2
[00.39.01]
You're not a fire emoji.
Speaker 1
[00.39.02]
Yeah I mean he is like you know it's like you're saying you're spending time with me but you really just spend time with such and such. What he said that I so what I'm saying is it's like he, he brought my mind to, you know, I want you to actually read my word. Communicate like, don't let this don't let this communication be defined through a different means when I want to. And I'm saying but it's sometimes on the flip side, it could be that same conversation with a generation. Well, we don't understand this holistically, but we also understand the foundation of life. You're going to have to be able to talk to a person. You're going to have to be able to look at how you're investing time. Am I investing or am I wasting time? Am I losing time? Like, those are generational conversations. So I feel like. In the reality we could help. A generation behind us. And then they can also help us to be able to, you know. Well,
Speaker 4
[00.39.59]
I never thought about it like that. But you saying like they were born into it. Like I'm trying to find ways to add that into my space. Like it's already in their space.
Speaker 2
[00.40.08]
Yeah, it's already in it. And and this is what I will say if we don't learn to adjust. Because you got to think about it, the world is not going to reverse for us. Right. Like, I see people all the time, I don't want no like, you know, older season people. Let me say it that way. Season, season. I don't
Speaker 1
[00.40.26]
want another upgrade to my phone. Yeah. And
Speaker 2
[00.40.30]
the inner work. And
Speaker 1
[00.40.32]
then. And then that's the thing is like, okay, you don't have to get upgrade, but in a few years you will not be able to operate because it's things are transitioning. So I do believe that there's a space for like you said, it's a world that they're born into. I feel like that's what, uh, reciprocity is they can kind of bring you into their space and we can kind of emerge the truth. They don't have to, you know, we don't have to fight each other, but we can.
Speaker 2
[00.40.57]
Yeah. So as you were talking, I was thinking about several years ago, I was introduced to the. He's called a neuro theologian, but it's basically like theology and the brain and how the brain works. And really communication styles or forms have always changed, you know, like that's not a new thing, but what people need is. Quiet, rest and joy. And you can't have so much of one thing and then not have the like to be kind of balanced. You need both. And so that's the thing is we can create these. Like, well, this app is good or this app or time on this is good or this and make these like categories of good bad right wrong. But it's just a communication. It's a style of communication. What you need is that rhythm of joy and rest and joy and rest. And so if you are getting connection with people and that's all you get is like, that's where you're spending your time, you're going to let yourself out because you're not making time to back away and have some quiet. Yeah. And that's where these practices that people have practiced with the Lord for so many years, that's why it's so helpful, is because you can have that back and forth. It's not necessarily like this is right, this is wrong anyway. So it's like quiet and rest and that's it's going to keep that method of communication is just going to keep forming and shaping and moving that way. Like you said, it's probably I do think there might be a contingent of people that are like, we're over that. Like we It's just too much noise all the time. Yeah, and the only way I can get that quiet is to not have that in my life. I think if
Speaker 4
[00.42.27]
you have all of those different forms of social media, like, or, you know, that can be too much like, let's just choose 1 or 2, but
Speaker 2
[00.42.34]
it's because you need you do need like how your design is. You need quiet. That's why like that's what you need. And
Speaker 1
[00.42.40]
the systems are being created to make you like, just if I only want to do 1 or 2. But how they're making them now. They're making them where they almost all are connected.
Speaker 2
[00.42.51]
Mhm. Right. You know it's so it's it's like and and that's where that having that ability to make, have control, make the decision that says okay I'm not going to allow this to drive my life, I'm going to drive what I want to do. You know, and that comes with conversation with people who are excelling on the other side. So, you know, who may not have all of those things, but they are great, like you said, in those areas of peace and joy, because that's why I've said sometimes the overindulgence. You. It's. It's the truth. I'm listening to a mother talk about. She lost her three four children. You know, like that weighs on my spirit. Then you go to another person who doesn't like. And you continue to consume that. It's like
Speaker 1
[00.43.35]
a break. Yes. It's like mad at all. It'll. It'll weigh on you. So I think that there's benefits on both sides, you know, but it just has to be put in context.
Speaker 2
[00.43.44]
There's something else I didn't know. That's a term just. And you say it
Speaker 3
[00.43.49]
ephemeral.
Speaker 2
[00.43.50]
Okay. Do you know what this word is? Either of you, Darius or Brandy? No, I ran across this. This is very common. And let me give you some context clues. People use Snapchat for this reason. Or there's an app, a texting app called signal that people will use for this reason.
Speaker 1
[00.44.07]
I have no idea.
Speaker 2
[00.44.08]
Snapchat. I
Speaker 4
[00.44.10]
mean, everything disappears. Oh, everything disappears in
Speaker 2
[00.44.14]
Snapchat. So that's what that fancy word is for.
Speaker 1
[00.44.17]
Is it the what? What is it
Speaker 2
[00.44.20]
for? It's for. It's a the term for mobile to mobile transmission of messages that automatically disappear from the screen after the message has been you didn't
Speaker 4
[00.44.31]
see anything, you didn't see anything. And so that's new. I mean, that's a I know Justin likes to get on you know, soapbox about that not not liking in particular that there's the pros and cons. You know, you don't want like stuff out there
Speaker 2
[00.44.46]
all the time for privacy reasons just in general. Well, but as
Speaker 4
[00.44.49]
you said something that you think is about to go away, but they screenshot
Speaker 1
[00.44.52]
it now what? Yeah. Gotcha, gotcha.
Speaker 2
[00.44.57]
Mm. What were you going to say? This is
Speaker 3
[00.44.59]
just an overview of an article that I read. You know, the few that I did. Not many. It says Snapchat's disappearing content fosters spontaneity, letting Gen Z share authentic moments without judgment or
Speaker 2
[00.45.11]
pressure. Um, privacy driven features empower Gen Z to connect meaningfully with close friends rather than performing for an audience. And then creative tools, streaks and low pressure communication. That's like
Speaker 3
[00.45.25]
a new thing. And low pressure communication makes Snapchat a playful, personal, and engaging digital space. So there you
Speaker 1
[00.45.32]
go. Playful person. Yeah,
Speaker 4
[00.45.34]
but I mean, honestly, it probably started as that. And maybe I'm dealing with people who were a little more immature. Yeah, but they do streaks and they don't want to lose their streak, but like, they literally send a picture of the ceiling or their shoe or like something random, like, what kind of streak is that?
Speaker 1
[00.45.50]
Well, we can't at least show these shows commitment.
Speaker 4
[00.45.54]
I mean, this is says I even said they would break up with each other, but they didn't want to break their streak. So they would continue to send pictures because they would have like a 90 day streak. Yeah.
Speaker 2
[00.46.07]
But see, now that's where the context of just holding on to something that should just,
Speaker 1
[00.46.13]
you know, let go. You're kind of keeping the door open.
Speaker 2
[00.46.16]
Yeah. Justin I don't get a huge younger,
Speaker 1
[00.46.21]
but Justin is such a yeah, he's like, this is all too much. I'm gonna say, I was just about to say that when I'm listening to, like, the podcast and everything we're talking about, and and I'm just looking at him, it's like he is such a personable person. Yeah. It seems like all of this extras like too much. Yeah. This is we're doing too much.
Speaker 2
[00.46.40]
Maybe he's gonna lead the charge. Go back to the brick phone. Yeah. No. I'm kidding.
Speaker 4
[00.46.44]
Hey, I said I wanted a flip
Speaker 2
[00.46.45]
phone. Yeah, I do think the message is disappearing. Can be a problem. Um.
Speaker 3
[00.46.54]
Just especially being a guy and knowing how guys operate and, uh, and knowing how I have tended to operate. Um, I think that can be pretty dangerous. So
Speaker 2
[00.47.04]
yeah, because there's no, like, accountability or like, I mean, you could be a certain way or do something inappropriate and then just not. There's no but like Brandi said, people do screenshots sometimes.
Speaker 1
[00.47.16]
Well, sometimes somebody said, I've been on there and somebody send you a message and you open it and get out, and you never saw it.
Speaker 2
[00.47.23]
Right. Yeah. And they it's kind of like be looking for that response. And it's like, can I ask you how to handle what you said? Like I opened it, but I yeah, it's, I mean it's to, you know to each his own everybody
Speaker 4
[00.47.39]
as a parent I do not like it.
Speaker 3
[00.47.41]
Yeah. Yeah I would agree with that. I'm not not a fan as a parent.
Speaker 2
[00.47.46]
And do you think that all these things that were saying and if it doesn't make sense to someone who's been born into all of this, like there are just certain things about how we were created and designed relationally. There are skills that you can only learn in face to face communication, and your brain can only mature in face to face communication. So how you communicate the form may change, but those skills are not transferred in the form of TikTok or in the form of even a text message. The relational brain skills are like you are shaped that way through face to face because someone else has that skill. Yes. So
Speaker 3
[00.48.27]
I totally appreciate the way communication is now in this. I get it, the art form and all of it and how they like to loose fun. You know what? I keep reading about it. Get it? But it's just the foundational things of face to face and how important that is. The skills that you can only learn through face to face. As we move further away from that, like the capacity to take in and to be stable as a person and, um, it's just it's not there, it's not able to handle it. And so it becomes too much, the noise becomes too much. The the mental health is just not there. The stability is not there.
Speaker 2
[00.49.07]
Skills to navigate. No stuff coming. But. I was just thinking about an analogy. Maybe sports analogy would be like completely cut the fundamentals from practice. Yeah, just delay and just play the game. And then just the pretty stuff, which is what we get to watch on the field. Like when you actually play a game and stuff like that, that's what you're keeping, but you're taking all this other stuff out. You're not going to have a very successful game. I mean, I sit in practices all the time and what the coaches are emphasizing the most, the discipline of fundamentals. Your your hips need to be like this. Your feet need to be like this, or you're going to get beat. Or if you do this on defense, like we're going to lose the game. So I mean it would be like that. Yeah for sure. This space and and I like you said I don't I don't remember if it was your Justin, but I think it was just you just said it like
Speaker 1
[00.49.59]
the fundamental of being a
Speaker 2
[00.50.01]
human right.
Speaker 1
[00.50.03]
It's like I was just sitting there thinking it's like. And I being younger, like, I just have to tell myself I'm not a robot. Yeah. Like it. Because it gets to the point where it almost pushes that agenda for people not to evolve the correct way. And then if I am confronted with life or I am confronted with a real situation, I am confronted with a coach telling me. Um, truth that could be challenging. It. It could be overwhelming because I'm not used to communicating or expressing or, you know, personally having those conversations or dealing with people. It's almost like if it could really encourage a person to create their own
Speaker 2
[00.50.51]
world to live in on their own bubble as opposed to evolving, and to know how to communicate, know how to give. Know how to take. Know how to go in and go out. It's almost like with these, the way things are created, you really almost don't have to do any of those things, right? I mean, you you just don't. You, you you can stay on your phone all day. You can, uh, you can stay streaming all day. You can like to the point where people can say they can come in, but you don't have to. I don't have to really deal with, like, he was talking earlier, that I don't have to deal with that. And I think that that is a challenge for this generation. That is the the Gen Z and then the ones that's coming behind them. I think that that's going to be a great challenge because it's like. And I don't. I'm not trying to be spooky, but when you really just start to think, it's like sometimes so much of this stuff is going on, it's almost like they're even taking away our ability to just think. You don't even just think for yourself. And I'm saying so as we're as I'm thinking about some of the things y'all are saying, I do believe a lot of people will see themselves evolve a little more if they could say, okay, just let me take a step back and kind of, you know, just be a free thinker. Let me let me have those, uh, moments where I'm communicating with them. Let's just go get coffee. We're going to put our phones down. We're not going to be on the phone. We're going to talk and like those things to kind of see where you are as a person, because I do believe he was talking about mental health. And if you think about it,
Speaker 1
[00.52.33]
mental health, people dealing with depression, all those things have increased as some of this other stuff has increased. Yeah,
Speaker 2
[00.52.40]
there's all kinds of
Speaker 3
[00.52.42]
loneliness is increasing loneliness.
Speaker 1
[00.52.44]
Yes. All of those. So it's not it's not that I'm trying to be, you know, spooky. But I do think it's something that we have to kind of challenge ourselves to make sure that we are, you know, well,
Speaker 2
[00.52.52]
then you get exposed in these spaces where fundamentals do matter. Maybe not. I mean, yes, relational fundamentals, but Legitimate sports fandom, like the basic building block of anything that you're doing. But if you can't focus because your brain is used to doing things just quick. Yeah. Then how? That's I think, what I probably see, because I'll hear coaches directing their team and I'm thinking, this is great coaching. Like come on. Like, oh, take me back to high school. And somebody like that knows how to do both understand the generation, but then also teach me what I need to know to make me successful. And sometimes I don't even know if athletes can hear that they're actually getting good coaching because they're making them stop. I've heard a lot of great coaching over at just the baseball field. Yeah, in my three years of being around the program, right
Speaker 3
[00.53.45]
from the old coach staff, new coach
Speaker 2
[00.53.46]
staff. But it's almost like teaching the fundamentals is, yeah, critical. But then you ask them I asked the players sometimes like what'd you think about that. A lot of different things and some. And this is not against any of the players. It's just like, well, I already kind of knew that or I knew that or it wasn't like a big deal. And I was like, dude, I want to run to the wall for that coach. Like, did you catch what you know? And some of them respond, well, right. But some of them I they're just like, that's new. And I'm like, dude, you're getting gold right now. But really, you know. Yeah. Like. Yeah, it's just interesting. So we're gonna transition out of the stretch time. That was good. I was hoping for me, I think through some of those thoughts, but you mentioned loneliness and the stats that increase with social media use and all the streaming and things like that. Um, the relational the question that came up, ironically, in some of these questions we've collected was about loneliness. There were several about how do you deal with seasons of loneliness. And then the other side was like, how do you deal with how do you if you're waiting on someone, how do you hold out basically and have boundaries and not get discouraged? That's kind of how I interpreted the two questions. So we wanted to just talk about that as we wrap up the podcast today. So if you have anything about either of those, like have you been through this season of loneliness, have you dealt with boundaries? How did you do that? Things like that. I
Speaker 4
[00.55.06]
would say to start off like we look at that as such a bad
Speaker 2
[00.55.09]
thing. Loneliness. Yeah. Or like singleness. Um, but really, that can set the stage for what the Lord has for you. Mhm. Um, I was listening to the story. This lady. She felt like she was being led by the Lord to break up with her boyfriend. Was it who she was going to marry but then like stay single for seven years. And she said that it was really hard that she cried through it all. Like she would pick up her Bible to read. And she was like, why are you doing this to me? And he was like, but you get me.
Speaker 4
[00.55.38]
And so, like having your heart prepared for that next stage, I think is so crucial. And that's something that because of the world we live and we rush past that
Speaker 2
[00.55.48]
and it's like, hey,
Speaker 4
[00.55.50]
we're supposed to be married at this point. Why? What's happening? Instead of just enjoying that moment of singleness and growing in the Lord and letting him prepare us and not settling because
Speaker 3
[00.55.59]
singleness is a gift. Yeah. To really focus on working what's below the waterline? You know, just the whole iceberg concept. 10% of the iceberg is above the water, 90% below it. What is underneath and who are you bringing into your life, and are you stable enough? Have you have you invested in what's underneath, um, to where you can lead that, um, handle that well, handle all the things that come with that? Well, um, in that relationship, I just it is really a gift. And you learn so much about yourself, you learn how to love yourself as well. And, I mean, it's it's hard to love somebody else. Well, if you don't love yourself. I don't think that's possible.
Speaker 2
[00.56.36]
Yeah. So, yes, I wanted to just kind of piggyback and just talk about what it means to deal with isolation. Um, I was always on platforms as a child singing, and, uh, the Lord called me to give it up, and, um, it was a struggle, but, uh, he he one of the things he told me was. You know, this is not where I called you to be. When you can't be who I made you to be. And that. So he pulled me off. What? A month later, I come into contact with a great producer. I do some studio work, and he was like, man, I've been looking for him. And so I'm like, so God wanted me to give it up so he could give it back, you know that that and the Lord said, no. And so I, I went through seasons. It was hard of isolation. But this is one thing that the Lord told me. Um, I remember him saying the same place that the enemy tried to kill you is oftentimes the same place that God want to build you. Isolation. A lot of times people run from isolation because they don't want to deal with those thoughts, don't want to deal with, you know? And sometimes there's a in that place, there's a suppression of the truth. Everything wrong is magnified. And the Lord told me, in that place, you're going to get to know two people yourself in me. And that perspective shift caused me to be able to take advantage of everything that he wanted to do in my life. And, um, he began to just show me a lot of things that I was dependent on, uh, a lot of things that I was leaning on. And so I would just like to say this to encourage somebody that, um, may be going through a season of isolation, you know, it's a place of, uh, where God refines us. It's a place where he really affirms who he has called us and made us to be. Um, and then, you know, he was talking about trust. Uh, I mean, loneliness. Excuse me? You're talking about loneliness. I believe that what I've learned in those spaces is, do we really trust God? Because when you really trust God, you realize God is not trying to figure out what he wants to do with your life. He wants you to be able to trust him, even in those moments, because it is a tough thing to see people who
Speaker 1
[00.59.05]
made decisions because they couldn't wait it out, right. And now they're suffering. It's like you, you couldn't wait it out. And this is the thing. Uh, I just know this. That with God, with the Lord, with me. It was. It was not just getting you. I'm going to say this. Don't miss the beauty, uh, of your journey because you're too focused on the destination. We're evolving. And a lot of times, um. Justin, you said it best. A lot of people don't know. Um, I feel like there's a lot of people sometimes attract the wrong things or get involved in the wrong things because they have not been okay with taking the time to get to really know themselves. And how you get to really know yourself is getting to know the Lord. He shows you who you are. Shows you your purpose. He shows you your makeup, which henceforth in relationship is show you who you should be with, who you shouldn't be with. You know, if you're a person that loves ministry, you love serving. Why would the Lord put you with someone who does not like those things at all? Right. Like God puts purpose with purpose. But a lot of times we forfeit that because in that place of isolation where the Lord really wants to deal with us. You know, and you take sports. It's like somebody just want to show up on game night but don't want to go through the training camp, don't want to go through the all of you. It's it's, you know, so
Speaker 2
[01.00.36]
so much of I think any season is about how we we're talking about messaging how we interpret it. Yeah. So off the top when we say loneliness or isolation or singleness, I feel like they all have negative connotations for the most part. But if you can just accept a different definition of that, an interpretation of what that means. That could be freeing for you. Yes we are. We got married right after college. We did have four years before we had our first child, but we've moved. There's so many things that were so wonderful about being married, but also a lot of things that were hard. And I think that, like you said, you can focus so much on that next stage. You don't, you miss what you're in, and there are people that are single, and if they want to go with their friends and go eat and they can go to travel, to go to a fast one, they can go travel. There are things that you can do in that season that you cannot do when you have a newborn and you're trying to figure this out. And we were ten hours from the closest family that we had at the time we were in Florida. So it was like, we don't have that option to just come and watch the kids so we can go do this. I mean, things can get more complicated to do certain things, but if you're in that, if you think that's the life that you want, then you miss the opportunities that you have to just go do stuff that you want to do
Speaker 1
[01.01.57]
even. But yes, you're saying that it's but it's like that even when you get married. For sure. Because I was thinking about before I got married, I could just up and do up and go. Are you talking about travel? If I feel like going, I could do it. But then once I got married, it's like somebody else has to be. Yes,
Speaker 2
[01.02.13]
I did, and then they did. They have to be accountable and they have to sign off on it, like. Right. Like, I can say I'm going to the gym as such and such. Oh, no. Uh, we have to do you know, it's like it was a shift. And so I say that because, thankfully, um, I married the right person. Santana. I love her, like, man, she's just everything to me. But I can also say I've been around people who. I've been around divorce. I've been around, uh, a lot of people around my life got divorced. So I saw what that looks like, and I was just going to say this, um. The pain of doing it wrong far outweighs the gains of doing it right. Like it? And so you said it best accepting it. You said a different definition. But I want to say it like this, Bethany, if I can, accepting the proper definition
Speaker 1
[01.03.10]
for sure, because we have allowed so many of these words out here to be, what's the first thing you hear is a negative connotation because how they've been portrayed. But when you think about it as far as the in its proper context, right. You know, we would be a lot better. Loneliness, singleness. You know, that doesn't mean something wrong with
Speaker 2
[01.03.28]
you. That is like pitted against marriage. And all I'm saying is it's the reality to all of it that there's a lot that you have to navigate and there's opportunities in each. If we don't pit these things against each other and accept, like the proper definition or interpretation of it, we can just enjoy it. So that's what I would say to people is enjoy it. Don't be so fearful. That's another thing you talked about that God asking you to give something up. There's so much fear wrapped behind. Well, what if this doesn't work out? What if he doesn't give me something good in return or whatever? And that's what I've learned, is that that's all he can do is give. Like, anytime I've been asked to give something up. There has anything that I feared. It didn't happen from him. You know. Yes. And so just realizing that that is actually what's the case, not all of these other things that I'm thinking about. But I did want to talk about boundaries real quick. It Justin, you can share real quick about boundaries just in relationships, what you had a conviction for and maybe anything you want to share about that like to struggle with that. But then how? Because I know that once you get to a certain place in a relationship, if you don't already know in advance, there's a story in Genesis. I think it's 39 about Joseph. Yeah. And really, he made in his mind what he was going to do. And so he already knew in advance where he stood on something. Yeah. Before the situation happened. And that's what I would encourage people to think about. But sometimes I don't even know what those boundaries
Speaker 3
[01.04.55]
should. Exactly. Sometimes you got to face the struggle first before you know it. Man, I can't go there again, you
Speaker 2
[01.05.00]
know? Right. So I don't know if you could speak to that. Yeah. I
Speaker 3
[01.05.03]
jeez, you know, this is where failure happens and helps. I mean, if you want to learn from it, you can just realize, you know, and I, I don't really want to be in that spot again. And, uh, and so you can choose to set up things differently for the next
Speaker 2
[01.05.15]
time and be honest. And you
Speaker 3
[01.05.17]
got to be honest. No, you got to be honest. And you can't justify and be like, well, I'm just a guy or I'm just this and this is just hormones, or is this just this, like, let me blame it on anything, or it's just the way I was raised. Like, that's just the way that I am. Like, you gotta be honest and you gotta realize. Who are you bringing in? God. Who are you bringing into this? You're bringing a sister in Christ into this relationship. And so think about you having a sister. And if you get, you know, older. And now I have kids, I have a daughter. Like, I want to be as whole as possible. That I can be to bring somebody else into a relationship and to protect them, to guard them. I don't hear much from guys in relationships thinking about how they want to protect and guard the girl that they're with. That's not a priority in conversation. It's not something that comes up. Me, I truly want to guard her and make sure this is a safe place. This is good foundationally for us. I don't hear that a whole lot. And so the boundaries, the heart behind boundaries is really that's that's it. It's not just eliminating things that we or. Well, that that'll be fun or that'll get us in. You know, we can't do that now because of whatever you know, the Bible says is. It's really it's it's it's it's a guarding the the whole picture of it is, is a protecting and um, and and and something and caring for somebody
Speaker 2
[01.06.33]
and also if it doesn't work out with you and this other person. Yeah. You care enough about who this person will be
Speaker 3
[01.06.39]
with. Yes. And so that
Speaker 2
[01.06.41]
then there are a lot of people.
Speaker 3
[01.06.43]
Yeah. So then you're you're considering her future husband, you
Speaker 1
[01.06.46]
know, uh, or their future spouse. So it's like, uh, yeah, it's a bigger picture thing. And we get you can get into the relationships and being so just in the now and what can happen and there's um,
Speaker 3
[01.06.58]
and it just undercuts the whole process.
Speaker 2
[01.07.01]
I do want to say this, uh, as you was talking about boundaries, the word. Two words came to my mind is responsibility and value.
Speaker 1
[01.07.13]
Boundaries breed responsibility. And he was talking about the guys don't a lot of times don't take that, uh, mindset or they don't talk about that. But I believe that's because, um, the picture of who we're supposed to be as leader protectors covers, um, that responsibility a lot of times has been just, uh, diminished and how a lot of society has pushed things. And so we have to be reminded that we have a responsibility to protect, to cover, uh, to set boundaries. You know, I, I always look at it like this. The dog that ends up dead is the one not behind the fence. The
Speaker 2
[01.08.04]
feds. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1
[01.08.05]
Protects a lot of times it's like, oh, well, he want to get out. He want to play. But yeah, but the fence is keeping him from turning into roadkill, right? Right. You know, so, uh. And I say value. I think about it like this. If you go to pick up a diamond earrings, diamond necklace, diamond ring, everybody can't get to it. It's a it's it's something restricting it. It's it's a boundary in place if you want to touch this one. See this one? We got a key. We first we gotta unlock the door. Then I can't even let you hold it. I had to put a special glove on and let you look at it. You know, like, I'm just saying, it's so many because of the value. And I do believe that we sometimes we don't realize it. I don't think everyone realize the depth of it, but I do believe sometimes we just devalue. We don't realize through our actions we are devaluing this person, whether there be a man or a woman, because you're a young lady, young man, you're devaluing them. And, you know, a lot of times we think is that moment is never just a
Speaker 2
[01.09.14]
moment, right?
Speaker 1
[01.09.16]
Oftentimes it's going to stick. And I know now I'm saying this from a guy perspective. We may not say anything because it's kind of like how we grew, but it even sticks with us. You know, I do feel like with the young lady, it kind of sticks with them a little bit more because you, you're more emotional, right? Um, expressive in that manner. But it sticks with us, you know, and I think about that, like, you know, want to, you know, I want to encourage someone out there. A part of. What helps you to come up to that level of responsibility is realizing what is being placed in your hand, right? This is a, a daughter of of God. And even if you know it's somebody who may be struggling in their walk before their daughter of God, you are a son of God. And God is entrusting you to get to the place he, you know, wants you to get. So I'm just saying that like, we have a responsibility. That's one of the biggest things that helped me with Santana when we were dating. It's like God showed me I have entrusted my daughter into your care. How are you going to handle this? And I had to realize, if I'm going to handle this right, I can't do it in myself. I can't do it by myself. I having boundaries, I feel like, man, when we stay in communion with God, that helps set boundaries in itself, you know? And so I just wanted to, you know, boundaries. I just thought about responsibility and I thought about
Speaker 2
[01.10.44]
value. I was thinking, as you talked about value, if, say, a guy wants a woman of value. Then they're going to have to have that level of responsibility. Like, you may want that, but if you're not willing to take that response and vice versa. Like if a young lady I like how you say that young lady wants a young man of value that has taken the time to cultivate that. Yeah. Then she's going to have to take that responsibility, too. It goes both ways. Yes. And so anyway, if you want that in your life, then you have to think about that. And
Speaker 1
[01.11.19]
you, you you gotta think it starts you was talking about. And I just believe this loneliness. Because if I don't fully value me, how am I going to fully value someone else? Right. Actually, what helps me to value them is realizing the value that I am and even how I value myself. It's like. And I just want to say this like sometimes I said, well, that's beneath me. If you shift with a mindset that's beneath me, that's going to take me. You know, I look at a lot of things I did in myself. Some of those moments I wasn't valuing myself or another young lady, and I just look at how much it cost me. Right. You know, and and sometimes it could cost you. You know it. God is a God of another chance. But I'm learning. People don't give us that all the
Speaker 2
[01.12.06]
time, right? You know, so, you know, you don't want to take that chance. And I want to encourage someone like, if you're you're standing strong just because it's challenging, you gotta realize God is giving you grace. He's giving us his word. He's giving us community. He's giving us helpers to help us like God. When asked like he I don't want to say ask, but he wouldn't tell us to do things that we don't have the capacity to do. It's we just have to put ourselves in position. That's what boundaries do. Boundaries are not just keeping you in, but it's also keeping the devil out. It's keeping these things out. It's a it's a protection both ways. And so, um, I just just feel like it's very important to encourage somebody who is listening, like, to keep standing, because in the end, it's going to be well worth it.
Speaker 1
[01.13.01]
Right? The traumas, you won't have to live from, the things you won't have to keep. You know, forgiving yourself from. And I'll say this. It's a great testimony for God to have brought you out of something, but it's a greater testimony that he's kept you the whole
Speaker 2
[01.13.18]
time. That's so good. I've actually been thinking that this week is looking back over my life and seeing how God has kept me, and it makes no logical. I can't explain it. I can't say it's because of all these choices that I have. Exact choices I made, you know? And it's just that's the greater testimony. It's like, look at what he's kept me from. This is mind blowing what he's kept me from. But the the value thing, I think is really important, especially if you think that you're in a season of or, you know, you're in a season of loneliness or whatever, or you haven't ever dated anybody and you're just like, uh, like the the narrative that someone else being added to your life is going to change something for you. It's probably going to complicate things. Yes. Like if especially if you're at a stage where you still need to do some maturing and this other person needs to do some maturing. So I don't know. I think it is a gift to be given time where you like, just take the time frame off, like the pressure off, and just enjoy the life that you've been given. Enjoy the things that you get to do and there will be. And as you realize your value and become that person of value that should attract somebody else, that's doing the same thing, and then you will have, like you were saying, much less heartache to have to go through. But if you think someone's your answer or a relationship is going to change the chaos in your life and you're already in the chaos, most likely it's just going to make it worse. Yeah. Or make it harder. And now you've got to consider this person. It's it might be a quick bandaid fix. You might feel like the butterflies for, you know, a few weeks, but then it's gonna get pretty complicated. So I will say about Justin and our relationship, we did. I already kind of knew I had never dated any for Justin. I had, you know, other guys definitely like there was attraction and things like that. But I had never been in a serious relationship before. Justin. So I had already kind of made some commitments in my own heart before I met him. As far as boundaries, that just from what I could tell, you know, whether it was reading a book or hearing people talk just seemed like good things to do. Like, just like I was like, the alternative scares me. I don't want to get to that point. Yeah, kind of thing. So one thing that was pretty cool about what happened was that when we I mean, it was a cheesy conversation on both sides because we don't know what we're doing. We're in college, whatever. We're trying to do the best things. And but he did sit me down and we had a conversation about, I mean, he officially like asked me, do you want to be my girlfriend kind of thing? Very clear communication. It was great. Wow. Um, but then also explained to me what his boundaries were and that matched what was already on my heart, which I felt like was pretty extreme because it was not to kiss. And I felt like that was like. More extreme than what would be typically expected if you're trying to live a pure relationship out. And so I just was kind of shocked because I thought, there's no way a guy would say this. Yeah. You know, and so knowing that helped me because I was like, okay, it seems like we're on the same page. And then that we can share that story another time. Wow. Because we did have to like, walk that out. And so we had to talk about it multiple times after that. But just the idea of thinking about the things in advance that are important to you, that I don't think that there's just because we did that and we're convicted of that and committed to that doesn't mean that's a rule for everybody to follow. Yeah, but he knew I knew just from like, uh, I'm kind of scared, so I don't know. But he knew from experience like that was going to be something that he didn't want to cross that road with me because he was like, I want to try different this time. Yes, kind of thing. And so anyway, thinking about those things that are important and knowing that in advance just helps as you so that you're not getting caught up in the relationship and then having to like, bring things back. Of course, there's second chances. Of course there's grace and forgiveness, but you can think about those things. Yes. And I want to say, like you, I was I was glad that you made that point because I wanted to say this because I know we said it's a great testimony for God to restore you. It's a greater testimony to be kept. I'm glad that you said that because you and him were coming from two different places. Boundaries from two different places. You know, and I want to say that to someone who may not have had boundaries previously. It's not too late to settle down, right? Like, you know, and then I would also say, look at what you've experienced, right. And be truthful and say, okay, I'm setting boundaries from here going forward. And then I want to say this too. Um, don't allow yourself to just accept that. Well, I'm just in this phase of my life so I can just kind of do whatever. Because sometimes that mindset keeps you from setting those boundaries. And I think as I'm getting older, uh, one thing that I've learned is, like, as the younger I was, I kind of felt like I always had time or I'm going to always end up. But you don't want to derail your destiny by being reckless in the in a season that really could have been to refine and define who you're going to be, you know, by doing things that because I'm just going to be honest, some stuff we do, it sticks with you, right? You know, I think about and and this is not the whole, uh,
Speaker 1
[01.18.38]
I want to say this is not the whole guilt of anyone's here, but I think about the Scripture where David was like, my sin is ever before me. You know, that's one thing I've seen that Satan does. He would try to keep reminding you of the times you and so is is you have to learn to live above those things. But what helped me set boundaries is. What if Satan can't remind me of something that didn't happen?
Speaker 2
[01.19.02]
That's right. And
Speaker 1
[01.19.03]
so if I set boundaries right. He can't. He can't use this later. You know, so I say that to don't just allow yourself to feel like I'm just in a phase and I can do whatever I
Speaker 2
[01.19.12]
want. Clean it up and clean it up. Like, yes, because it's going to like it. It's it's going to be a part of your life whether you want it to be or not. And I think about my wife now, it was so many young ladies. I had the chance to talk to that later when I, me and her started talking. I didn't even know she was connected with. And I thought about what if I would have been just reckless in that time? It could have potentially hindered. You know. Well, no, I think I'm going to leave. I don't want to talk to you. You talk to. So I just say that like that was something. You talking about? God keeping you? He kept me. I didn't realize what he was doing. Right.
Speaker 1
[01.19.48]
Um, but he's a keeper. And I believe God is using us, even in this moment with everything we've talked about. To speak to someone who's been wondering, Lord, are you hearing me right to say I'm hearing you? I'm speaking to you and letting you know, hey, this is what I want to help you with.
Speaker 2
[01.20.05]
So. yeah, that speaking about reckless, I was just thinking if if that is a mindset or a thought that, oh well, it doesn't matter, I'll just clean this up later kind of thing. And I know that nobody would probably consciously think like that straightforward about what they're doing, but essentially that's kind of the mindset. You'll be surprised. Oh, maybe so, maybe so. Um, but, you know, if it was that it's not that easy to just switch your life like that on a dime, especially if you've been practicing something for like 4 or 5 years. Like relational habits. Wow. To just think, oh, yeah, in the future I'll just be able to change this. You've already made this habit. You're going to have to break it. It doesn't just because you turned 25, 26, 30, whatever automatically change. Yeah, it really takes time to develop these habits and these skills and things like that. And so, like you were saying, it is an opportunity whether you are single or in a relationship, whatever, you have the opportunity to be refined. And then like, I like how you said it defines where you go in the future. And so just to be wise with that time, I think is a good message. So that's what we would encourage. It's been a good hey, it's been a good, hey Good. Hey. Good. Hey, good. Hey, that's doc right there coming out. Well, if you you probably noticed that it was a lot of me and Darius here at the end. We had some other commitments for Justin and Brady, but we did have a good hang today. Good night. And we look forward to whatever we'll get into on the next episode. And
Speaker 1
[01.21.31]
I also I want to put this plug in Bethany. Y'all send us questions, send us, you know, some of the things that you're thinking, uh, because we want to be able to make sure that we're touching and reaching you all in the best way that we can. Um, it's good for us, but we also want to make sure we are effective. So, like, send us your questions, your comments. Let us know what you think about the pod.
Speaker 2
[01.21.53]
The pod. Yeah. Thanks for listening. Thanks for listening to the Creator to Be podcast. To learn more about FCA at Mississippi State, visit. And follow us on Instagram at FCA. Underscore. If you would like to become a financial partner, visit. Donate to. So into the work God is doing through FCA at Mississippi State.